Fine Dining - Snitching on Santa at Arctic Circle feat. Santa Claus [Part Two]

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

We come bearing gifts! Arctic Circle seemed like the best place to review with Santa Claus in tow, so we took a road trip out to southern Utah to try it! The Good: the mini corn dogs were genuinely great, and Santa brightened a few patrons' days by having gifts for the children! The Not Good: Someone complained to management about aforementioned gift-giving, and we had to cease, also not all the food was great The Just There: To be honest, this whole chain was pretty mediocre What We Ate: Three burgers (standard, bacon, and pastrami), pumpkin pie milkshake, fries, Spanish onion rings, mini corn dogs, cheese curds, root beer ice cream (with a butterscotch topper), fry sauce Santa talks about eating "rabbit on a swing" during the fanciest meal he's ever had "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to watch this episode! Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Gabe Alvarez (@spooky.gabe) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (My November Patreon exclusive episode about Pacific Northwest Seafood institution Ivar's Acres of Clams came out just a few weeks ago! From bomb threats to no working water, my guest, author Temple West and I went through a LOT just to eat here), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Arctic Circle stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Follow Mark Gray on Instagram @markwgray   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   We're off next week, but in 2 weeks on "Fine" Dining: IKEA Swedish Bistro History [Part One]! From Dropout TV, Chris Grace joins me to eat Swedish meatballs amidst cheap DIY furniture, and we learn how it all started! Ever work at IKEA? Send your stories to [e-mail].

The Arctic Circle. They innovated a delicious fry sauce, but their burgers were lacking. The pumpkin pie shake was tremendous, but they almost threw us out because someone called it a complaint. They had adorable teeny tiny corn dogs, but their playground was sunfaded and sad. Are the good and the not good of the Arctic Circle in perfect balance, or will the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America be forced to continue? Stay around to find out, because this is Fine Dining. Your table is ready, take a seat. The flavor of the day is mediocrity.

Wouldn't you like to try a bite? Guarantee it'll be the perfect bite. Fine dining. Better than you thought, worse than you hoped. Fine dining. We don't treat mediocre as a joke. Breaking every single place we've been. Looking for the perfect five out of ten.

Hello and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host Michael Ornelas and this is the show where I'm looking for the perfect five point double zero out of ten dining experience because only once you know what's directly in the center can you tell what's good or not good by comparison. This week it's time to review Utah based burger chain Arctic Circle. And because it's a burger chain, I can announce Arctic Circle into the 2025 Septemberger tournament, along with Cookout and Wendy's.

And here to help me dissect the merits of mediocrity that Arctic Circle brings to the table, a man who resides in the center of the Arctic Circle at the North Pole. He's the man of the hour, the anti-Krampus. It's Santa Claus. You get a doxby like that? Give my exact address, okay. Look, no one's brave enough to actually like trek there. You don't have to worry.

We've got kind of a Wakanda Themyscira kind of deal up there. Nobody can get close. Vibranium, I got it wrong last episode. I said unobtanium and I forget what that's from. That's from Avatar. What just occurred to me is how much time out of the year you have to watch movies. Yeah, that's right.

A lot of time to get... Yeah, like North Pole is kind of boring. Yeah. I mean, we have to make all the toys and there's a lot of admin with the naughty and the nice and like the lists and acquisitions and quantum tunneling and all that. But we've got help the staff, the headlet, there's departments. Yeah. Now, speaking of naughty and nice, usually I dissect my episodes by talking about what's

good and what's not good. But just for this week, we're going to talk about what was nice and what was naughty about Arctic Circle in addition to what's just there. So without further ado, let's jump in. This is the night, cinnamon spicy. This red and Christmas cheer, been good all year. This is the night, Santa's checking it twice. This is the night. Just having you there.

Look, it's almost unfair because Arctic Circle did nothing, but at the same time, at the same time, the theming of the restaurant being Arctic Circle means that this was plausible and a reason for me to give good. But the magic of kids seeing Santa boosted this experience so much for me. And there's no other restaurant that felt appropriate to take you to. So I am going to let this factor into mildly into how I view Arctic Circle. But we got out of the car. There's a girl on the playground and just immediately Santa was the

most heartwarming thing. Yeah. And, you know, we came. It never gets old. We came prepped with toys to give away. Right. I try to always carry a few toys, you know. So we walked in, she was playing on the playground.

Her, I think, mom and older sibling were eating and having their meal. And I approached them and I was like, hey, would it be okay if your daughter, who just got really excited seeing Santa Claus, would it be okay if- No, I wasn't wearing the full Coca-Cola either. I was dressed kind of like casual. But people recognize me.

They see right through that I'm wearing. They know. It's also, it's the red and the white. It's the fry sauce. I do wear a lot of red and white, kind of think of it. Ah well, I'm not hiding. Yeah. You know, the funny thing about being in the real world, you know, walking around normal places,

is it's like people don't expect to see Santa Claus, and most people don't believe in Santa Claus. Right. So no one gives me much hassle. It doesn't register. Yeah. Doesn't register. Yeah. Like, except for kids like that kid on the monkey bars. She was like, she saw right through, she immediately knew it was me.

She lit up and it was, yeah, it was so heartwarming. And you gave her a gift, it was like this little plush toy from like a Disney junior show or something. And just the way she looked at like this unexpected gift, she didn't expect to get that day. She gave me such a hug, she was so sweet. Very sweet. She didn't expect to get that day. Maybe it's such a hug She was so sweet very sweet. It's just pure. See that's energy. That's why that's how not to give away the game

That's how you get to live 1700 years. Mm-hmm fueled by the joy of well, you know how when Generous Michael anything kind or nice or selfless or not for any quid pro quo because you want to get on a nice list or do that. It's just something just out of kindness. It kind of makes you feel better. You kind of feel lighter if your spine straightens. You're just going to feel good. And if you give away like a billion presents a year, you kind of become immortal. You get that karma almost. It's kind of, it's quite karmic. Yes, also You get that you that gets you halfway there and then there's some the midi chlorine There's some there's some midi chlorine. No, there's some Scandinavian health magic in there as well Because the else there a whole other thing going on

They got most of the magic stuff happens because of them. Yeah, I don't understand most there was also a dad with a daughter and a son that walked in, and again, I approached them and asked, and I was like, hey, would you mind if your kids met Santa, he's over there. And boys seemed to be super into it, the little girl seemed a little bit more committed. She was a little older, she was a little,

it's just that moment where Santa doesn't feel right anymore. Yeah. She was like, okay, and I gave her a present, she was like, I'm gonna open it later. Yeah. She didn't wanna OK. And I gave her a present. She's like, I'm going to open it later. Yeah. She didn't want to open it. And she just was sort of dragged into the whole experience.

I'm also I'm wondering if also it was like a shyness or if it was a I didn't expect to deal with this right now. Like, you know, you go to a mall during Christmas time. I see you. And I'm just like, I expected this. Sure. She walked into an Arctic Circle, and I don't think that she pieced the two together. So she came in just unaware, unprepared to, to, yeah, it was just a surprise. So it is sort of a cultural thing.

Yeah. Like you asked some little girl, Hey, go hug that man. Sure. It's it. That could be weird. You know what I mean? Yeah. And like, Hey, you know, that's why it's up it's up to you come to Santa if you want to hug Santa.

Doesn't chase you down and demand hugs. Yeah. I'll be fine. You get enough. Yeah. But that's the thing. I live on love. That's one of those magical things about Christmas. Yeah. What's something you thought was a firm nice? Well, I was thinking more about the food

and the stuff on offer there. I mean, it was lovely. That little girl in the monkey bars, she was like, it's really great seeing a kid like that. He's super into Santa Claus. But I would say the pumpkin pie shake was top notch. I had just a little sip of it and I'm not even really a pumpkin flavor guy. I love a good pumpkin.

It's not my go-to. I'll eat it, but I'm not ordering. You don't go to Starbucks and auto and get a PSL? No. I get one. Yeah. Then I get side-tracked like, oh, look at that, they have like eight other weird pumpkin. I like the Christmas ones, the pepperm the peppermint, cinnamon bark or whatever.

Mm. But this pumpkin, was it pumpkin spice or is it pumpkin pie? It was just a pumpkin pie flavor shake. Yeah. It was thick, it was like an ice cream. I thought it. It was like a pumpkin pie soft serve. I thought it was delicious.

Very good. Do you have? It was like eating pumpkin pie, which I love. Do you have a score for it out of 10? For shakes, I would give it like a solid like nine. You go nine shakes. Yeah, I went seven point five, but still like very enjoyable.

You might eat more shakes than me. And also, again, I'm like pumpkin isn't my I like a chocolate shake. I like I like a vanilla shake. Yeah. It's also interesting. They they, I like a vanilla shake. Yeah. It's also interesting. They, they have a lot of brand loyalties. Does Arctic Circle, if you go on their website, it's like our list of not sponsors, but partners that they.

Right, they have like Oreo shake and Reese's shake. So this was specifically the pumpkin pie with a ready whip. With ready whip. Yeah. So ready whip is their partner of choice. And there's like, well, that's why I was so good. It was all partners. Oreo was one of them. There were a few that I hadn't heard of, but like, you know, USDA like prime Chuck or whatever, or black Angus. All of those are probably just Unilever. Yeah. Like one brand really.

Eminem Mars owns all of them or something. Yeah, but they've really made, they're milking it. They're making it seem like it's a lot of stuff. But yeah, no, I like the pumpkin pie shake as well. I'll jump to service a little bit. The manager, so I walked in early to be like, hey, is it okay if we film a couple things with Santa here? There's social media bumps, of course. Social media stuff, you know, I'm, I got, I got the man to come with me to Arctic Circle.

I want to, I want to commemorate it with some videos and the girl behind the counter looked like she was like 16 years old and was like, uh, and just turns to go get the manager. I start to explain myself to the manager who looks like she's also 19, 19, like a more responsible, very youthful individual. Uh, this place was run by people who's like cumulative age is my age. So like, if you add up their age as you get, because there are only two place was run by people who's like cumulative age is my age. So like if you add up their age as you get, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cause there were only two people in there and she's just like, yeah, that's

fine. Very like they were really nice, really receptive. They seem to be ordered. She have a whole program here of like what we have to get to test. Yeah. Had a lot of burgers, but a lot of time. But what are these? What are these? What are these? Yeah.

And about a lot of back and forth that you were very accommodating, very helpful. No rushing. Read it. Yeah. There was no rush. There was like one guy waiting. Maybe they go on the nice list. Yeah.

Nice. Very nice list. Yeah. Definitely. She was very sweet. Uh, I, I guess I have one mention of service a little bit later, but like overall I'm going to give the service one thumb up. Okay. Yes. yes, I agree.

I really liked the mini corn dogs. Yes. Those were tremendous. So you noticed those on the menu, I believe. I was like, we have to get that because they had a real like normal corn dog. Which is what I saw. On a stick.

My eye went to that and I was like, what are you talking about mini corn dog? But they had a bunch of little sides because usually you get burgers, fries, boom. Maybe onion rings. This place had chicken rings, fried cheese curds, mini corn dogs. And chicken rings. And fries. And onion rings. And the onion rings,

they were sweet Spanish onion rings. So it wasn't just onion rings. They had some qualifiers and we'll get into those. But I do want to talk about these mini corn dogs. Yeah, they were good. I guess I had low expectations, but like, it's like if you, I mean, look, it's literally the ingredients of corn dogs, but it tasted so much, it scratched the itch.

Did you ever make, for a cocktail party, make pigs in a blanket? I've had pigs in a blanket, yeah. Because you buy those little smokeys, which are like one inch. They're had pigs in a blanket, yeah. Because you buy those little smokeys, which are like one inch, they're like breakfast sausages basically, and then you roll, but this is that, but then rolled in cornmeal dough,

and then deep fried, that'll crunch. They're a perfect little pill, you know. I don't know if they were little smokeys, just some even smaller hot dogs. They were very small. Because they were like, like with the breading, they were the size of a little smokey, you know? Yeah. I were like, with the breading, they were the size of a little smokey, you know?

Yeah. I feel like that's the product, this little smokey, that you want to start with. Maybe. But, god dang, they were good. It hit. I would get these again. No sauce necessary?

I'll say this. Arctic Circle, while the burgers we'll get to later, I don't think this is an amazing burger placed by any stretch. I agree. But they do have some very unique sides that I liked that pumpkin pie shake was good. Like I would be happy to go back to an Arctic Circle. I would totally get the corn dog things again.

And I know they don't care for the queso, but the cheese curds were excellent. They had a great spicy quality to the breading that I really liked. And I thought, well, this is good hot, but it's gonna be terrible when it's cold. But then like half an hour later, they were still pretty good. There was a little bit more, little less yielding, you know, little bit more solid.

Still really liked them. It's kind of like a mozzarella stick, but better I think. If you had to score the cheese curds. Against? Just out of 10, just against every food you've ever had. Oh, okay. I would say probably six six

Yeah, the mini corn dogs More like like eight. Yeah, I went seven and a half out of ten I feel like I went too high in the pumpkin shake. It was against everything I've ever eaten What would you I think it's more like a like a six? Yeah, okay now another thing that I or seven. Yeah. Okay. Now another thing that I, the other side that I would firmly put in the nice column here is those Spanish sweet onion rings.

Ah, see I didn't like those very much. You didn't? Oh man. Those onion rings, well I tell you, it's kind of like the In-N-Out Fry. They were bonafide. You could see the onion in there. It's like a ring of onion unfiddled with. And the onion itself was pretty good.

But there was not enough of that delicious breading on there. To me, I thought the ratio was good. It scratched my itch for it. The sweetness of the like sweet Spanish onion ring or whatever it is was such a subtle amount of sweetness, but enough for it to have a unique taste that I really enjoy. My other complaint with them as a toy maker was ease of use,

because the fry sauce came in a little bucket. Yeah, you have to do the little crunch. And the onion rings were rigid circles. So if you went, they were like not go in, you have to like crush them to make them skinny and poke them in there. Yeah, you make them ellipses, onion ellipse, cause the trouble with all onion rings or the, not the hazard with all onion rings.

You should bite halfway through it. And then you do that and then you have a bit all the way through it. And you drag that hot strip of onion out of the breading and it hits you in the beard and then you have to lab it out or have to shove the whole thing in. It's on the healing. Yeah. I like one like a Burger King and you just bite right through it. And maybe it's like a reconstituted onion extrusion or something that they then wrap in batter and deep fry. But I'll take it. I like a softer battering on my onion rings,

like a tempura battering or something. Umami Burger used to have the best onion rings in the game, but they've gone. Well, saying I've kind of rediscovered Burger King lately because the onion rings. Yeah. McDonald's never has even tried. Yeah. I never say never.

Oh yeah, that's interesting. They probably have, you know. Well, I'm sure they've like tested it. I don't think they've ever put it down. Look at other countries, the McDonald's is totally different, but again, that's a whole other podcast. Yeah.

Are we still in the positives here? We're still in the positives. All right, let's talk about it. The fry sauce. The fry sauce. So I'm a big believer that just because someone innovated something doesn't mean they do it best. Oftentimes they don't.

Someone invents something, someone else takes that ball, runs with it, takes it further down the field. Case in point, there are some movies that are classically innovative to the overall language of film, but I would still prefer to see the things decades later that have taken those ideas and run with them than the originals. Okay. For example, like the sting being a movie where people are like, it has this amazing twist ending. I've just seen so many movies with like twisty endings that I guess rocked my world More than the state like the usual suspects. I would take over the sting. Ah, but you see That the whole twisting ending thing like the sixth sense of night Shyamalan

That I don't like because the whole point of those films is what the hell's happening? And the payoff is, oh, that's what was happening. And you get this thing, they're like, oh, everything I knew was wrong. That TV show Westworld was like that. And now all TV shows like that, where it's told inside out,

it's told backwards and out of order. Whereas in the old days, things happened in order. In The Sting, it all happens in order. And just at that last little bit, you're just sucked into the trick, and then you get this horror drama of the bad thing happening, and then it turns out it's really a good thing.

And that's what tricks you there. That's to me why that one stands out as being especially good, because this is like you go, oh no, and then in a completely logical way, it turns out the good guys win and the bad guy loses. And it's incredibly satisfying. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying that I don't like the sting.

I'm just saying there are, and I don't mind the inside out storytelling. We're talking about ketchup though, aren't we? So anyways. So when we're talking about the original fry sauce versus people or companies that have made their own version of it, for example, you know, I've said Dave's Hot Chicken, they have their own proprietary Dave's sauce, which I would prefer, but I guess it set my expectations that like, oh, it's the original, it hasn't evolved much, and it's just whatever.

I really liked, I mean, sure, it's just ketchup and mayo, but it's the original. It hasn't evolved much. And it's just whatever. I really liked, I mean, sure. It's just ketchup and mayo, but it's the right ratio on French fries. I want either ketchup or mayo. Yeah. Like I like ketchup, but I prefer mayo and actually kind of like a both together. Yeah. So hell fry sauce pan, but the original, at least as it's branded, the Arctic circle fry sauce really hit for me.

They prototypical. Yeah. Yeah. good stuff. I mean, I gave the Fry Sauce on its own an eight out of 10. I think this is a very worthy contender in the condiment game. I'm gonna give it like a six. Okay.

Because it's good, it's above zero, above the mean, but still that French mayonnaise that I like from just any old grocery store in France, which I guess you could make it yourself with eggs and oil in the blender, but yeah, don't say whiskers. And then their fries. Very good. I wrote down that the fries were very good, but then after like 10 minutes, they were kind of cool.

Yeah. That is good. I think that they, they kept their crunch and texture as like even as they got a little bit cooler. Sure. They're not as good, but I did keep going back to them. I do think that the fry sauce bumped them up. Like they, they did stand on their own merit, but not quite to the heights that I think I would have liked. I went seven, uh, without the sauce, seven and a half with the sauce.

Okay, I'll agree. I'll just cotton on. I'll take those numbers. Yeah, you'll take those numbers. Yeah, I think that's right. Like a price is right. Yeah. Okay, there's not a lot else I have here in the nice category, but I will-

Oh, I got another one. Yeah. It's a burger. Okay, the pastrami burger So that's the one that I also had. Yeah In the in the nice category, so I am gonna save our full dissection and score her for September But that was the burger that leapt out at all of us on the menu and it was the one we liked the best I think yeah, I was gonna say we can talk in broad strokes on this burger But as far as like things that I would go there and get again.

Okay. Going back to our dark circle, I'm getting the pastrami burger, getting the mini corn dogs and, uh, getting maybe the pumpkin pie shake. Yeah. Uh, I agree. And I think that a pastrami burger runs the risk of having too much meat. On that is a risk I'm willing to take. Yeah, but I do feel that they had a nice balance here.

So I'll save further discussion about it for the Septemberger kickoff show. See you in September. Yeah, just nine months away. Oh, boy. It's pregnant with possibilities. All right, well, that's it for the nice. Let's talk about what was naughty. What was possibilities. All right. Well, that's it for the nice. Let's talk about what was not what was naughty.

All right. OK, I'm going to go ahead and just throw it out there. Whoever called in a complaint. Yeah, I called the law. Santa Claus. So like, look, we're not doing a prank video. It didn't really affect us at all. No. But like, because we came in there,

we just sort of talked to that cute kid in the parking lot or in the jungle gym, met another couple of kids, talked to them. Then we ordered a bunch of food and sat down and ate. And at that point, that very nice woman who took our order, Cameron said, um, you guys can't be interviewing people. We had a complaint. Yeah. And it's like, so there was one family that I kind of approached cause they had a couple of young kids and I was just going to be like, Hey, do your kids want to meet Santa? And the guy, the dad, didn't even give me eye contact.

He didn't give me the dignity of- Oh, really? I just started approaching, he was like, no thanks. And like, you know- Pell, your paper's elsewhere, Pell. Look, that's fine. Family may not believe in Santa Claus. I'm not here to impose,

but still, you don't have to be rude about it. I was just coming over to ask a question, offer, know, hey if this is a thing you would want whatever Respectfully decline don't disrespectfully decline. I guess yeah, so I don't know that they're the ones that called anything in But I have a suspicion that it is it's wild They would go to that much trouble to go home, find the phone number for an Arctic circle. Yeah. And then call it. Well, I don't think they're using the yellow pages. They're probably just Googling it in their phone. They've ever tried to call a place like that. Yeah. This is very hard. Nobody answers. It's very hard to get through for a fast food restaurant. They do not pick up. And

I have called many for this podcast because I'll have various questions or whatever. And it's, it's a chore. But the odd that someone that they call to complain. Yeah. It's still just like a, well, people were getting joy out of you being there. So just like, let that continue. It's not like we were filming you and being like, Hey, why won't you whatever. Well, the fact that the manager said, Hey, it's no problem. Have fun at the beginning.

Yeah. Probably goes against corporate rules. Yeah. Cause probably really you're not allowed to film at all without like corporate permission or the owner's permission or something like that. But people review food all the time and that's allowed. Like people film themselves eating. We were like, you had a big microphone and we were like, there was

cameraman and you know, we're all kind of, it was like clearly we were doing a little shoot. Yeah. You know, we have like props and. Yeah. No, I, I totally understand that we got lenience and even if they had said no from get go, I wouldn't have really had a problem. I would have been bummed. But, uh, and I probably would have still just been like, all right, we'll just do stuff with my phone and not do like the full production or whatever. But yeah, I don't know. Just the the raining on the parade from those people, I would say was naughty.

Naughty. Yes. Naughty. Those customers were naughty, but you know, it was on their mind. I wonder what happened to them. Yeah them that made them so grouchy. Like maybe they had some like, like really, here's the thing, naughty and nice is the spectrum. Right. You know what I mean? Because all your, like people always ask me,

hey Santa, am I on the nice list? Hey Santa. Hey Santa, am I on the nice list? And I'll tell you what I tell everybody, you know the answer. But the answer is based on your opinion of me. And I may disagree. I think I'm on the nice list. Well, I have a reveal for you. Yeah. We don't keep adults on the nice naughty list anymore. It's strictly for children. Is it just too much bureaucracy? We don't break presents to adults. Well, I mean, friends, sure.

Yeah. But, uh, yeah, but like, we don't really keep track, but every adult I meet, well, not every, but every time I meet adults, somebody is like, Hey, that's just, Hey, I'm on the naughty, nice list. And I always say, you know, the answer or if they go, Hey, it's my girlfriend on the naughty, nice list. And I go, you want the answer. Or if they go, hey, is my girlfriend on the naughty nice list? I go, you want me to tell you in front of all these people? Or I say, that is between me and her, sir.

The joke they think is really funny is some man, adult male, go, hey, how come I never got that insert thing here? Yeah. Pony, bumper pool table. I always say, you know why? I was like, well, I don't know, maybe you were naughty. I don't remember. Naughty and nice is a spectrum. Yeah. It's not a binary.

Not everyone, people say, am I naughty? Am I nice? Everybody is in the middle somewhere. Yeah. No one is 100 percent one or the other. There's naughtiness in every nice person, this nice, this naughty person. You just want to do. There's naughtiness in every nice person. There's naughtiness in every naughty person. And you just wanna do your best to pull yourself in the right, in the nice direction

and not beat yourself up, but do your best to be good. Because being good is its own reward. Being nice is nice. It feels nice to be nice. I think we've made a mistake with kids over the last hundred years of this quid pro quo. Like you'll get something if. Where like you better be good or Santa won't bring you a present.

You better. Right. It's like it's just this method of controlling these children. Yeah. Which turns them into these little rule following robots who are just, you know, venal selfish rule following robots. Whereas what they want, what you want to teach them is that being nice is nice. It feels good. It feels good to be nice.

And virtue is its own reward. Giving away those presents in Arctic Circle gave me a feeling that I'm like, See? I've got that every day. I don't know if I've ever done a thing where I just gave presents to strangers. Feels good.

Feels good, man, I feel very good. I will put one of their burgers in the naughty category. I thought that the black Angus bacon burger. Yes. Not a good burger. I thought it was fine. I mean it was it was very ketchup forward that burger. Yeah. It was it was ketchup and mayo I think but they were separate. Yeah. Well we'll keep further details about it. I'm just saying I'm, I'm putting it in this category. Yeah. At the time you were like, I don't like this at all. I was like, it's fine. It's just tastes like a Ketchup-y burger. If listening to this episode helps you with your September-ger bracket in 2025, you know, keep, keep note of where these are falling. They're hints. They're meant to help you. But yeah. So also in the naughty, They're meant to help you. But yeah, so also in the Naughty,

like the play place outside was like sun faded and the signage looked unkempt. The whole place was a little grotty on the outside. Yeah. Yeah, the plastic of the jungle gym was kind of dried and cracked. The sign, like it was broken. Yeah.

Like exposed wiring. You could see the neon tubes in there. The glass was not in it. No landscaping at all on the entire property. Like it was to a point where there's nostalgic and then there's left to die. Like the guy in that, the upper view talked about the decor being, I was like, there's no decor at all. Yeah.

I mean, there's, you know, beautiful HDTV menu boards, which I guess is the new thing all those trucks have now. So you can change it. And those were sharp. But then you're trying to keep changing while you're trying to read it. So, but mostly it did most of the one on the end was cycling with ads, but the middles, but, um, that was fine. It was clean, but it was just like dull bathroom was fine.

Yeah. Not spectacular. Yeah. I mean, what do you expect in a fast food bathroom? It was sure. Yeah. The bar is not, there was nothing wrong with it particularly. Yeah.

But the booths were a little tight to be honest. We sat in the booth table a little close to the a little close to the bench for a man of my carriage. Sure, of your carriage, I like that phrase. I like a little bit, an inch more would be nice. Yeah. Oh, I've got a food that I can call naughty, the chicken rings. Yeah, 10-4, buddy.

Them chicken rings, they were a flat disc, like a washer. They tasted I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean cooking in the microwave and throwing between bread. Not that this had bread. The friedness of it was like dipped and fried. And that part of it was fine, but then the meat was just like. Like the meat quality is what bugged me. But like a chicken McNugget is also made of pink goo and ground up, but that tastes, if you fry those, they come out pretty good. Yeah.

You know, because nuggets taste more like dark meat chicken somehow. I think because they're made of like bones and tendons and things. Yeah, they're not real. I know, but they taste more like dark meat chicken somehow. Because they're made of like bones and tendons and things. Yeah, they're not real. I know, but they're good though. Yeah. I prefer the dark meat of a chicken to the white meat.

Sure, I think. That's where the fat is. It tastes better. I don't think that's a crazy take that people would disagree with. But yeah, this was just very, very white meat chicken. Yeah. Not a hint of anything in it. And just like liquid chicken in there. I went three and a half out of 10 on these. Yeah. I went- Not a hint of anything in it and just like liquid chicken in there. I went three and a half out of 10 on these.

Yeah. I'll give you three. I'll give you three and three quarters. Three and three quarters. Yeah. The atmosphere overall, I'm going one thumb down. I don't know. It was bright enough.

It had windows all the way around. The lamps weren't, you know, the ceiling lights were not burned out. It was cheery enough. Atmosphere wise was fine. Though you're right, the clientele, they had a little bit of that Mormon fear of God on them. There was, there was this group of people sitting at a table exactly opposite us that when we were leaving, were like folded arms, glowering at me and my other friend that was there with us. Yeah.

You said that you didn't notice that, but I thought they were a bunch of Karens. You know what we call a Karen at the North Pole? What? A carol. A carol. A carol. Oh! Oh!

You hear the alarm going off? Oh! What is that? You said the secret word. Oh, dude. Carol. Carol! You have triggered the secret menu minigame. Oh my. Carol. Carol. You have triggered the secret menu mini game. Oh my.

Are you familiar with this game? You said you're a fan of the podcast. That's where you think of it. It's like, okay. So our category is tasty Christmas carols. All right. This week. So we're going to be mixing food with Christmas carols. We're going to play this game. We're going to bounce them back and forth for one minute. You at home, let us know in the comments below who won between Santa and I, but also more importantly, submit your own, whether you're seeing this on Instagram, Tik Tok or YouTube, comment your own tasty Christmas Carol. I'll pick out my favorite one and read them out on the next secret menu game for the next episodes and send you a fine dining t-shirt.

And the winner of last time's secret menu game for the next episodes and send you a fine dining t-shirt. And the winner of last time's secret menu was TikTok user Kona for her submission to the secret menu from last time with the category legal eats with juritos like burritos and a jury. I like it. Go ahead. DM me on Instagram or TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast, or send me an email, fine dining podcast at gmail.com, and I'll send you a fine dining shirt. Everyone else, better luck this time. Thanks for playing. All right, Santa, tasty Christmas carols. Examples of these are going to be Pringle Bell Rock

or Carol of the Bell Peppers. That's a good one. Getting started in three, two, one. You have to know about Hanukkah for this one, but deck the challahs. Okay. Fala la la la la la la la full. It's beginning to look a lot key like Christmas. I like that one. Gwaken around the Christmas tree. Baby, it's coleslaw outside. I like that. Feliz Navi Dodger Dogs.

I'm dreaming of a white castle. Of course. Von Dudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. I saw mommy kissing lobster claws. That's a good one. Instead of Holy Night, a Holy Night. A Holy Night. I like that one.

Old Lang Sonia. OK, it's like right there. Yeah. Go tell it on the Mountain Dew. That's not food. I just said tasty. OK, baby, it's cold outside dish. OK, I'm here for that. Alright, and that'll do it for the secret menu.

Don't forget, comment below your favorite, tell us who won, and, uh, yeah, we'll get back to it. So that's it for the naughty. Now, in the theme of the show, mediocrity, let's talk about what was just there. This is a weird one. I'm not quite sure what to say about it. Yeah, this is for the stuff that is just there. Just there. Well, just the hamburger.

The stuff that didn't make too much of impression one way or another. Most of the burgers were just there. Yeah. We had the hamburger. And you got a cheeseburger. The double cheeseburger and the bacon burger I put just there as well. I think it was over ketchup to be honest. Yeah. Maybe why you didn't like it, but they were all kind of the same.

I love ketchup. It just felt like, yeah, it just felt like it was missing that meaty flavor. It was too condiment forward. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, the double, cause it's very little, they're all the patties are very small. Yeah.

They're kind of like a McDonald's cheeseburger single. And like the double cheeseburger, still very small, kind of generic with mayo and ketchup, lettuce and onion. And it was just like, it's fine. Like hot and fresh out of the wax paper. Pretty good, I could eat it, great. But it's like, if you hadn't asked me to write down and remember things,

I would remember nothing of any of these burgers. I mean, yeah, that's kind of exactly what falls in that sweet spot of just there, is it's just, you're like, oh yeah, I guess that did happen. Yeah. This one I'm putting just there, not because it's unmemorable,

but just because I have no, like it has no bearing on good nor not good. But just the fact that the place was run by teenagers was very amusing to me. Well, that's the thing, because you live in Los Angeles, much bigger city. You go to any fast food restaurant in Los Angeles,

it's the staff by 40 year olds. Right. Because that's mostly like immigrant women, men and women, but all like in their thirties and forties and older because that's they're better than teenagers and they'll work there for longer. Yeah. If you go to the Midwest anywhere like that's where teenagers, you know, run the fast food. Run the streets. And whenever I go to a small town, it's always, oh, there are kids in the McDonald's, wow. Yeah.

You know, if you ever go to France and the McDonald's over there, the staff there is gorgeous. They're all like very handsome, attractive people. Naturally. They wear ties, super clean, you know, it's just. It's a very professional vibe. Oh, and the food is better too.

It's wild. I recommend it. So, yeah, I have the Black Angus burger in just there. We'll talk about it more in our September or kickoff show. Now, I did get a dessert as well. I got a dipped ice cream cone, and so it had a bunch of options. I will say they went a little crazy with the different. Or you. No, no.

Well, I mean, I just got an option. Well, you chose one of the wilder choices. I guess. But they had like seven infused ice cream flavors that come out of the little pulled juice. There was like a brown one, a yellow one, a pink one, a green one. Like the soft serve machine.

And so I got a root beer vanilla ice cream. So it was like infused with a swirl of like brown. And then I got a butterscotch dip. They had chocolate, like a hard magic shell type thing. And it was just, it was very sweet. The topper as they call it, or the dip, as we know it from Dairy Queen or whatever, it made me get to a point where I didn't even want

to eat down far enough to get to the waffle cone. You kind of got over, butterscotch is just sugar. Yeah. It's very, very, it's like molasses, it's very, very, very sweet. But I thought a butterscotch with a root beer would pair well, and because if I got the root beer ice cream and I wanted a topper,

chocolate didn't sound like the route to go. And then strawberry didn't sound like the route to go with a root beer. So I felt like kind of trapped. So butterscotch. What were the topper choices? Just chocolate and butterscotch? And I think maybe strawberry, but I could be wrong.

Strawberry. I could be wrong. Magic Shell strawberry, that's crazy. I might be lying. Because I feel like you take strawberries, like chocolate, by the time it's chocolate, it's like a liquid, melt it, whatever. Same with butterscotch, it's like sugar. But strawberries are a fruit that you pulp up and add some sugar to, to get that to go stiff.

That's some voodoo there. Yeah, yeah. That's some voodoo there. Yeah, yeah. That's some ungodly ice cream magic there. Again, I'm not confident that strawberries, I didn't write down what all the options were. I feel like you're right, I feel like they had strawberry. I think they said strawberry.

Yeah. But yeah, so I think I gambled and lost in terms of, again, this wasn't like, I don't have this in the naughty, this is in the just there, but for a dessert to be just there, it makes me a little bummed because I love, I have a- Well, dessert should be a treat.

Yeah, I have a sweet tooth. It should be a treat. So- You know, your body is, like when you're full, you can't eat anymore your meal, you can always eat something sweet. Like your brain and your stomach will make room

for something sweet because as a caveman, you wanna max out your calories. And it goes all the, well, and it knows that you wanna pack, you wanna fill up because you may never eat again. Yeah. And just to, I guess, incorporate it, their phrasing was root beer flavor burst ice cream. So flavor burst were these seven different infused flavors

that they had. Okay. But yeah, it was just, it was too sweet. I went out. Five and a half out of 10. So it was like white with like brown stripes. It was also hard for me to, that's what the ad had for it, but it was hard to tell because it was a butterscotch dip.

Yeah. Cause I was like, you wonder if like, if you eat like, for example, fruit loops, they're all different colors. Do they taste different colors? Yeah. Like did the ice cream, does the whole thing taste like good beer? Just the brown part tastes like good beer.

Yeah, I think that's a solid question. I didn't really get to divide within the ice cream itself. I think further research is called for. Yeah. Did you have any cell service there? I did, yeah. I could get cell service. Yeah. And there was no wifi. Yeah. I, I could get cell service. Yeah.

And there was no wifi. Yeah. No, there was no public. Why? I don't know if I expect public wifi at an Arctic server. I usually have great service, you know, but something was a bit of a glitch or something, but, um, I don't, you know, you don't really need wifi there because you should be focused on your friends and your ice cream and all that stuff.

You know, but like, I don't know why, I don't know why I would expect Wi-Fi. It's like expecting on a plane or something. It's sort of magical that Wi-Fi even exists. I mean, do you know how Wi-Fi works? No, I mean, I don't know how any technology works really. But the thing is that, Michael, that's the thing. Michael, technology and magic, magic is just technology you don't understand,

and technology is just technology to understand. And technology is just magic that you think can be understood. You know? Like, like Wi-Fi is basically magic. Do you remember the first time you saw Wi-Fi? I don't. I mean, you're young.

Yeah, yeah. So you probably grew up and always existed. But like, I remember the first time I saw Wi-Fi, I was visiting Southern California. They opened the first Apple store, the Clidale Galleria. And there was people lined up down the escalators. And they had, and there was a girl there with a laptop. This was in the era of AOL.

And I said, oh, do you want to check your email? And she just handed me a laptop standing in the middle of the mall. And I'm like, what? And she had AOL on this laptop with no wire attached to it. Like, how is that possible? That's like, oh, it's Wi Fi, we get it wirelessly. That's insane. That's amazing. But really, that's what being a psychic is, or reading someone's

mind seems implausible, right? Seems crazy. Uh huh. You know, but like your brain is a computer, your brain's made of electricity, right? Yeah. And it's kind of got RAM and you have memories and you have your thoughts and all that stuff. And it's putting out a lot of electricity. And maybe there's like a weak Wi-Fi cloud connecting all of us. And like if you die, or what a ghost is, it's just your memory or someone else's memory that's still kind of lingering in the cloud.

You know what I'm saying? If someone reads your mind, they're probably tricking you, they're probably just reading your posture and just inferring what you're thinking. But maybe you're literally broadcasting it and maybe someone is tuned in. So their instrument is tuned in to that invisible signal

that no one, listen, the human body is incredible. All this stuff just evolved. Over millions of years, we figured out how to like, like you can open a newspaper and you know you've got two pages there instead of one, it's just your fingertips. Can you imagine designing a machine that could do that? The levels of technology just to get to that? But we just do it like that for free, right? So maybe we have Wi-Fi built in all the time, you know what I mean? And maybe

that's up like, if you ever saw Coco, it takes place in the Mexican afterlife, right? Which is based on people's ofrendas, where they have pictures of their ancestors. And the entire existence of the afterlife is powered by the imaginations of the people you've left behind. And when they stop remembering you on earth, you vanish from the afterlife, remember?

That guy in the sand hammock, full of his junk, and he just vanishes because the last person who knew him on earth died or forgot about him. And the idea that that's what the afterlife is. It's just a collective unconscious of everyone's imagination of you. Plausible, right? Yeah. And that is all that was just there at the Arctic Circle.

Yeah, no Wi-Fi. What's the deal, Arctic Circle? What's the deal, man? I don't care. You think on levels that I can't, and that's why you have the job that you do. Well, I also. Yeah, no. But I can't remember everything. Yeah. Can you imagine if you remembered every place you've been for the last... I'd hate it. I'd hate it.

Like the key is forgetting. Yeah. The key is letting. I'd hate it. I like the keys for getting. Yeah. The key is letting stuff go and dumping data. I dump data all the time and I get in so much trouble for it. Like I'll invite a friend to a sandwich shop that I'm like, oh, you've got to try this place. They're like, you took me there two weeks ago and I'll be like, oh, well, you want to go again? Like, so you remember the sandwich. We didn't remember them.

Well, it's because I've had that sandwich 80 times with different people and I always am trying to show it to new friends So I don't necessarily remember which ones I haven't have it. Well, I was fine if I'm with the same people for like three days. I Worked my way around to telling the same stories again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's right. I will say just to give a free plug, High Mart Sandwiches, Papa Georgie's High Mart Sandwiches in North Hollywood, California, is get the garlic chicken sandwich. It is my favorite sandwich.

Is that the one you were telling me about that's behind the donut place? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And then speaking of just there, the food overall, I'm going thumbs in the middle. Yeah. It's like, there were some things I really liked.

There's some nice sound wires to the corn dogs and the cheese curds, but then the burgers were just so down the crack down the middle. So right in the middle. Uh, great. Well, that's all the discussion we have about our time at Arctic Circle. It's time to wrap it all up into a number, but Santa Claus, I've been doing this for like, I've gone to like 90 restaurants or something. Something like that.

It's been a while. My scale is a little bit more calibrated. You're a first time joiner on this journey. So I'm gonna ask you to stop by the calibration station. ["Calibration Station Theme Song"] Calibration station Comparing this meal to the best or the worst Calibration station Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo Somewhere to be?

Oh no. I'm just waiting for the theme song to end. So the calibration station, I am going to ask you to calibrate your scale, the zero out of 10 dining experience that you've had, the 10 out of 10, so that we can properly judge where Arctic Circle falls between those four years. So briefly, what's your zero? What's the worst restaurant dining experience you've ever had?

I think my zero has got to be Subway. Yeah. Because I just cannot stand Subway. I don't like the, I've had okay sandwiches there, but you have to buy like the most expensive, hottest one they have. Yeah. Then it's like, okay.

But like, I don't know. The baseline is just so low. The baseline is just not good. Do you know why there are so many Subway places? And there's the whole like Jared thing that that's a black mark on them. Yeah, their spokesman was a pedophile. Yeah.

Well, that's bad luck. Yeah. But do you know why there are so many subways in America? Why? Because you don't have to have a kitchen for a subway. Oh, that's right. Because they don't cook anything. Yeah.

It's just cold sandwiches. Yes. And it's just the, it's always, since it started in the eighties or seventies, it's notoriously the cheapest fast food. So that's a way to prove to anyone you don't care about them by bringing them Subway. It's so low quality. So that's your cereal.

Yeah. All right, your 10. There's a restaurant in the south of France called the Palme d'Or. The Palme d'Or is the golden palm. That's the highest prize at the Cannes Film Festival. So they're on the Croisette in Cannes where they invented the film festival, the first film festival in the world.

There's a restaurant called the Palme d'Or. The walls have pictures of Alfred Hitchcock and Cary Grant and all these famous people eating there. And I got invited to a chef's tasting. So I got to sit in the one table that's in the kitchen. Yeah. It's like a banquet facing the kitchen. And it's kind of, it's like the outer restaurants all beautiful and moody and gorgeous, gold and everything.

It's like a buca di beppo. They have a seat in the kitchen. Well, I think it goes back further, but this, and there's a, it's all tile. And there's one tile that said, si ne pas connaisseur, abstenez. It's all tile and there's one tile that said, uh, uh, see, no buck on a Sue abstinue, which means if you don't know what you're doing, don't do it. Yeah.

Which is a good rule chef's kitchen. And we had like, like eight things. Like the amuse bouche was this little tiny like ice cream cone about an inch high, the cone was African. The code was made of, some kind of cracker, but the scoop was tuna tartare. And it came in a little sort of tree with little rings that the cones were sitting in.

Another appetizer was beef bone marrow. This bone sliced in half, you peel it open and you eat the bone marrow out of the middle of the bone. Very intense, but like a wild, incredibly savory flavor. Yeah. And the main course was rabbit on a swing, which was rabbit that had been tied and I don't know. I don't know what part it was at the rabbit. It was like meat rabbit tied on this little armature like a swing set.

It was meant to be playful and evoke circus and ice cream. And it had to be like they put it down swinging Yeah, rabbit had to be moving and then they would come over take it off and cut it up for you and everything And that's beautiful sauce so intense super fancy. Yeah, it took hours So you would think that would be my ten God are you about to say it's not I? 10. God. Are you about to say it's not?

It kind of has to be because that's like the most impressive, but like, I don't know. It's hard to say, I've had so many brilliant like steakhouse dinners. Sure, sure. But like, it's not hard to make a really incredible steak and potato and cream spinach. Like any, I could make that right now.

You could make that right now. Yeah, but I could not make rabbit on a swing. But rabbit on a swing. Yeah. Ooh la la. All right, so that is your 10. You are calibrated. Now somewhere between these now somewhere between feels good to be calibrated Michael I must say right somewhere between these two okay Arctic Circle

waiting for. It is time to reveal the final score. Okay, well, I would say it's not in the top half. Okay. It's so average. I mean, I've had a million burgers. Have I had a lot of worse burgers? I've had a lot of more aggravating experiences. I mean, I got to see children and give out toys. Yeah. This isn't just the food, this is the whole experience.

We got to hang out with you guys for a couple of days and had a lot of fun, telling stories in the car. That was kind of fun. The food was deeply average. Yeah. Deeply average. The burgers especially.

Yeah. Let's go under five, four and a half-ish to 4.59. 4.59? I'm not too far off from you. I have this maybe a little bit closer to average because there was just a lot that didn't move the needle about this experience. You know, the things that were good were actually pretty, pretty in balance in harmony with the things that were not good. I'm going to go four point eight six.

So when you put our scores together, Arctic Circle is going up on the tachki of mediocrity at a 4.73. I can accept that. Look at you. You got a sticker there and everything. It's all laminated. Look at you. I know. Nobody can say you don't have production value on this show. Thank you. I tell you, this is the Chachki of mediocrity. I've heard about this. I've only heard your show in audio, but to see it in person, I'm telling you, look, there's a pineapple with a mustache. Yeah, it's my son, Juicy Junior.

Ah, hello, Juicy. That's the thing with the pegs in it, the golf tees? Yeah, the peg game from Cracker Barrel. All right, so Arctic Circle 4.73 on the Chachki of mediocrity, which makes it definitively less than mediocre. I feel bad. I feel like it's. I mean, it's fast food. It's like for its tier. It's you know, it's doing fine. I's like for it's tear. It's, you know, it's doing fine. I'd much rather go to white castle.

Oh God. I think it's an actual flavor. It was just sort of no, no, I'm, no, I'm not platforming this. Um, but because it wasn't the perfect five point double zero out of 10, it means that I have to keep looking. I have to go somewhere next time. Yeah. I am taking next week off. It is New Year's Day.

So I'm not going to be reviewing a restaurant. But I need to go to the You Must bowl to see where I'm going to go. Hold on. Do I get to pull it out? I do. Sorry, Santa. This bowl is sacred. It's like you wouldn't let me reach in your toy bag. Of course I wouldn't. Okay. Don't make me the bad guy

Well, I would look not not the man not the real one But if I brought a toy bag to your house at a party or something you could absolutely reach in there All right next week. I will be going to and reviewing IKEA Swedish bistro the IKEA food court Swedish bistro, the IKEA food court. So anyways, Santa, thanks again for joining me for the second week. It's been my great pleasure, Michael.

For going to Utah with me to review Arctic Circle, to have this experience. Today is Christmas Day, so you're all done, I assume you get to relax. Well, we recorded this couple of days ago, but yes, by now, by the time you hear this, I will be in Hawaii. I go to Hawaii and Mrs. Claus comes down and we spend a couple of days ago, but yes, by now, by the time you hear this, I will be in Hawaii. I go to Hawaii and Mrs. Claus comes down

and we spend a couple of weeks in Hawaii. Not a bad gig. Just sort of unplugged. Not a bad gig. And the elves tear it up, up there. Awesome, well thanks so much for joining me. You can follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Find Dining Podcast.

You can play along to the Secret Menu mini game. You can check out my Patreon episode dropping in six days on Dick's Last Resort. You get your seven day free trial for that. While we didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America, the search does in fact continue. I'll see you next time. Have a fine day! We did not conclude The mother-eating surge continues

Raddus and I do's review And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh? Come on! Follow us on TikTok The same on Instagram All the socials at fine dining podcasts We have a website fine dining podcast calm By our t-shirts

Then put them on And don't forget you can always suggest where we go next OKAY! We're going to find it, mediocrity The search continues, see you next week! Cough cough cough cough cough Heard my throat a little. Have a fine day!