Fine Dining - Subway Is Even Worse Than You Remember

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Subway’s reputation has been circling the drain for years—but is it really as bad as people say? We tried a bunch of footlongs and we've got thoughts. This week, Terral Wells joins me to put the country’s most common fast-food chain to the test. From a pretzel drier than the Mojave Desert to an interior design aesthetic that actively made Terral upset, we break down every moment of our subpar experience. "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to my YouTube to WATCH this episode!   WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE: 🥖 Is there anything redeemable about Subway? 🫠 The footlong pretzel was a mistake. 🚨 “Is that smell coming from Subway? Damn, that’s crazy.” – A real quote from a real woman outside Subway. 🖼️ Bizarre wall art that we still don’t understand. 🥪 The assembly line: efficient or soul-crushing? 💀 Subway’s decor is so lifeless it might be worse than the food. 🍪 The cookie: the best thing we ate but still just fine. 📉 Where does Subway rank in our search for the most mediocre restaurant in America? 💬 LET ME KNOW: What's the worst thing you've ever eaten at a Subway? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🔥 Patreon (Bonus episodes & extended Yelp reviews!): https://www.patreon.com/c/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Talk chain restaurants & share horror stories!): https://discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🔗 All links in one place: www.linktree.com/finediningpodcast ⚡ Like, Subscribe & Share if you love deep dives into chain restaurants! 👉 NEXT WEEK: Taco Bell. Can it score better than Subway? Stay tuned.   Patreon Producers: Sue Ornelas & Joyce Van

Subway, the place was so clean you could eat off of it, but their footlong pretzel was a level of dryness I've never felt before. I'm a sucker for a sandwich assembly line, but the ingredients taste like grave dirt. What? The sandwich artist was hustling, but... Yeah, the ingredients did taste like grave dirt. When we pit all the things that are good about Subway against everything not good, where does America's most prevalent restaurant

fall on a 10-point scale? Will it be the most mediocre dining experience of my journey so far, or will this submarine sandwich behemoth fall short? Stick around to find out, because this is the Fine Dining Podcast. Your table is ready, take a seat The flavor of the day is mediocrity is the Fine Dining Podcast. Fine dining, better than you thought, worse than you hoped. Fine dining, we don't treat mediocre as a joke.

Breaking every single place we've been, looking for the perfect five out of ten. Hello and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host, Michael Ornelas, and this is the show where I'm looking for the perfect 5.00 out of 10 dining experience, because only once you know what's directly in the center can you tell what's good or not good by comparison. I wasn't thrilled when Subway was revealed to be this week's destination, but here we are. What's it like to eat at a place like this? Is the footlong gimmick tired?

Do the sandwiches at least taste good? These are all questions I had, and I could not possibly imagine answering them all by my lonesome. So I brought someone I've known almost 14 years. He's a regular at my weekly Thursday night Dungeons and Dragons games at my home and probably the friend who makes me laugh the most, it's Terrell Wells. Hello.

Make me laugh the most. Well, we'll see. Dance monkey. Yeah. Yeah, thanks for coming to Subway. Me not having realized that you swore off of this specific location. I'd never been to this one.

I feel like crying, to be honest. I've never seen you emote in your life. Well, I feel like crying to be honest. I've never seen you a moat in your life. Well, I feel like crying. It's an internal, internal scream. Internal scream. Sounds like a metal band. Yeah, it wasn't good. I didn't really care for it.

Now to arrive at a score for Subway, we have to evaluate some things, everything that was good about the meal, everything that wasn't, and then all the things that were just there. So let's jump into it, and let's start with the positives. This is the good, done like it should be.

The stuff that's fangirlicking, or stinking, the landing, this is the good. I knew that you could. This is the good. Good Full disclosure You know I have this notebook where I take notes of all the restaurants that I've been to throughout the the run of this podcast and I leave room for all the good and I did not fill up very much And then I have my not good and my just there.

So this will probably be a short segment. What would you like to throw if you had to start? What was good about this? Well, I mean, I think probably due to the low foot traffic, it was pretty clean. It looked freshly cleaned. Yeah, I actually do kind of attribute that to I know you disagreed that the parking lot was a hassle. I don't think you've ever driven to this one. I can't imagine you would have,

because it's so close to where you are. So yeah, I think just like the nature of where this is located, there's not much reason to be there. You're a few blocks removed from downtown Burbank, which is where a lot of the, I don't wanna say nicer restaurants, they are nicer restaurants,

but like the more attractive options are. Right, it's walking, it's not that far of a walk. From everything that's there. Yeah, and even, you know, you would have to go downhill and then back up, I guess, to get downtown, but you could just go to Summer Buffalo or Gus's not too far away. Yeah. And so as a result, I mean, yeah, literally the number one note I have for the good is the pristine cleanliness. Almost to like, I've used this term before to describe restaurants,

but it's mostly due to like the bright color choices. But like it felt like a Nickelodeon set a little bit, like big, bright green and yellow backdrop. And like, like the design choices I thought were pretty crisp. I'd strongly disagree. I literally mean crisp from a cleveless standpoint. Oh, OK. Not from a artistic standpoint. Okay, yeah, sure, it was clean. Like, just everything was just like spotless, almost medical.

Yeah, right, well, yeah, with the fluorescent overhead lighting and like you said, yeah, I mean, it's gray, all gray walls and floors. And then, you know, I've been chomping at the bit, I just can't wait to talk about the art that was on the wall Calling it hold your horses, but all right, but yeah, and then there was like an open back hallway That said employees only once the door was finally closed, but literally when we arrived there was a giant pallet out front of

Deliverables, I don't know how long they were sitting there, but they were there from the time we walked in. And then someone eventually brought them back and that door got closed. So I didn't get to like evaluate their bathroom. I assume they had a bathroom back there. I don't know if it's for public use. I think they do. I'm pretty sure they do.

The Yelp reviews I found actually had mixed signals. Some people were like, they wouldn't let me use the bathroom and other people said, yeah, bathroom was clean. So. Hmm. Okay. I feel like I'm really scraping to compliment this place. Do you have any other goods other than?

Well, I thought the lady that served us did a good job, you know? Yeah. And I mean, there's just a couple things about Subway that I do like. I mentioned the assembly line. I think it's a good job, you know? Yeah. And I, I mean, there's just a couple things about Subway that I do like. I mentioned that the assembly line, I think it's a good idea. There's plenty of other sandwich shops that have adopted it. Yeah.

I like that they have a Coke freestyle machine. I like getting like the weird, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, where you can like mix like raspberry Sprite with cream soda, barks root beer. I went into this on my IKEA episode of just like what you call assembly line, I would call like cafeteria style. It is a little different.

It's so unappealing to me. I don't know. I mean, to me, it just drives home the customizable factor of it. And that's what makes it feel a little better is like, okay, I'm getting it the way I want it. Same way you go to like one of the Mod Pizza or something and you can get, you see it's the same thing. They lay out the options in front of you and you can point, you can look at that.

Yeah, and I guess I'm a snob because like I like it at a, for me it's like a Blaze pizza. That's the one that I... Same vibe, but that's the one that I frequent. And I think I like the out ofof-sight out-of-mind with food prep I like it coming from a kitchen that I can't see into I don't know I mean this just okay Well, then I can assume they're doing everything right and healthy and by the book even though they probably do drop like oh that crouton fell On the floor. Let me still put in the salad or whatever. I mean, I would never do this I'm not that type of person but it is the type of thing where you're like, Oh, hold on. Can I have some more Turkey?

You know, Oh, hold on. Like that's a little, you know, hold on. Can I get a little more mayonnaise? You know what I mean? You have to have a hand in the process a little bit. Yeah. That does make sense to me, but yeah, yeah. It's, it's just in elegant.

I guess I like the presentation of like, uh, it's just inelegant, I guess. I like the presentation of like, almost like a birthday present or a Christmas gift. The food comes out and it's almost like, you know, not that I get served food on a silver platter and there's an unwrapping moment or anything like that, but that first food is visual to me as well. And here, you've laid out just like pockets of ingredients in such a way that is convenient,

but not visually pleasant necessarily. It's not like gross necessarily, but I like that reveal of seeing my dish for the first time. I don't know, if someone got me Subway for my birthday, I'm cutting them off. That's it. That's fair. But like Subway also, and I'm sure they still do it,

but like for like the Super Bowl, you can get like a six foot or the giant submarine sandwich. And like, those are always a thing where to look at it, to see it is interesting. So that has like a visual element. Uh, but yeah, other than that, I don't want, well, I guess even for that, I don't want subway at a, at a celebration of any kind personally.

But yeah, I don't know. I just, I don't love the assembly line feature, but I do acknowledge it's, uh, it's utility, it's usefulness. And, uh, to your point that I didn't even consider of just the ability to on the fly verbally customize it compared to Haven't order an event like oh could I get some extra turkey and you just hope that they put the right amount that you want Or whatever now I want to do that like at a at a diner a nice restaurant to go over the cook shoulder and be like

Micromanage a little longer on the bacon there. That's not quite crispy. All right, so let's talk about this employee, the server, this girl behind the counter. One, we walked in, it did take a little while for anyone to walk out. Yeah, well they were taking a delivery, like you said. So, but they were doing it like in a non-visible part of the store to where- Yeah, it was part of the store to where it was in the back

Yeah, it was in the back Which is I've established that's where food is to be pressed And I didn't mind it because I was like browsing the menu figuring out it gave us some time to do that It wasn't like an egregious like knows like a minute or two. Yeah, and then she comes out and I'm more talking about that, less to complain about it, and more to say, I did feel a little bit of like, she's maybe flustered or something when she came out. I think she felt this pressure to tend to us sooner.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So there was an undertone of an anxious energy. Well, you never know working at a place like that, because there are people in there who are on their lunch break and are just generally impatient, you know what I mean? And so. You need it quick.

Yeah, but it also seemed like there was another woman there but she was in the back. I think she was dealing with the delivery. So I think maybe she was used to having two people. There's usually two, but it was just her. I thought she was training. It's possible. And she did refer to the ingredient list of the sandwich.

Like, you know, she didn't know off the top of her head the sandwiches we were asking for. Well, and I noted, oh, the one that did help us? Yeah. Oh, I thought the other girl was training. Oh, that's possible too. Because she had a Tommy Hilfiger shirt on instead of a Subway uniform or, you know, shirt or whatever.

And so I was like, Oh, I wonder if she hasn't gotten like the, the shirt hasn't come in her size yet or whatever. And I thought that she was asking our. Sandwich artists help with something at the register. Once we were already eating, I noticed that. So I don't know for sure. It doesn't really matter. I don't care. They were nice.

She had a pleasant attitude. She was hustling, but I do think know for sure. Doesn't really matter. I don't care. They were nice. She had a pleasant attitude. She was hustling. But I do think that the process. I'll own this a little bit. The way in which I ordered was also a little like, hey, I'll take two sandwiches. She makes them like right away. And then I get to the end and I'm like, oh, and I'll get the footlong churro and the footlong pretzel.

And I should have put it together that those require time in the little oven thing or my toaster oven thing. Because then she like goes back to the start of the assembly line, gets those things, butters up the pretzel, you know, dresses the churro, puts it in. Now she's gone back and forth twice. And then she's like, is that all? And I'm like, oh, also whatever he's getting. And then she goes back to the line again.

And so there was just so much back and forth, back and forth, back and forth that is inherent to this setup, but inefficient if you have one, any impulse ads, or two, a situation like this where there's one person tending to all the people and there's, you know, because there was another guy behind you,

so there was like a little bit of a line forming. I don't know, it just felt like a lot of back and forth. That said, she had a good attitude, she hustled, so I agree with putting service in the good mildly. I mean, when I'm comparing this to like the best service I've ever had at restaurants. Right, yeah. You know, it's not a thing to write home about, but you know, a good attitude goes a long way.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't really, there was some back and forth. I didn't feel like it was excessive. I'm really, I'm trying to meet you here, but I don't really feel, I don't get the inefficiency. It didn't seem inefficient to me. It just seemed fine. When the person serving you gets out of breath

Yeah, but that's on her. That's not because of the system. That's that's her cardio. I wasn't I mean we weren't rushing her So it imprinted on me like oh, she's This is taking a physical toll on her. Yeah Anything else in the good for you? No The cookie was alright I you know what and to throw them a bone? I'm gonna put the cookie in good It is a very mild good. I'm talking five and a half out of ten good But we got a the chocolate chip cookie. Everyone always says oh make sure you don't skip those soft cookies at the front of subway

They're the best part. I do agree with that sentiment, but that doesn't just because they're the best doesn't mean they're great. Yeah, no, they weren't. They weren't that great. That's all for the good. That's everything, right? That's that's all I can think of. All right, let's talk about the not good. And I'm not quite sure about it, could've known without it The stuff that brings down the mood This is just not very good Okay, first three bites of my sandwich, first two to four bites, they were like, alright, maybe I wouldn't call them good. What'd you get? I got the spicy nacho chicken sandwich.

And not spicy at all. I was gonna ask, how was the spice level on it? It wasn't spicy in the slightest, not even a little bit. I did overhear the girl behind the counter talking a guy off the ledge when he was asking about that sandwich specifically. He was like, how spicy is this? And she was like, it's pretty spicy.

Really? Yeah. Well, it wasn't. I mean, I don't know what, maybe it was missing an ingredient, but I mean, I know that she put jalapenos on it. There was supposedly nacho cheese. I mean, it was just like kind of a melty cheese,

which was not great. I told you, like I ate it really fast because I was terrified of what it would taste like once the cheese cooled, because even warm, it wasn't great. Did you eat it after the, you continued beyond those first three bites, right? Yeah, right.

You ate the whole thing pretty much, right? Yeah, I finished it, yeah. Except for the end, sometimes the heel of the bread at Subway, it's like overly dry. Yeah. I don't know why that happens, but I couldn't, I couldn't,

that's like you get to the end of like the crust, you know, you get like to the crust part and it's like not good. And then it got bad? Like you're putting it, you're bringing it up and not good. Yeah, because I'm saying the first few bites, they're like, okay, but then you keep eating and like, actually this is not okay.

And this is, you know, it was just maybe, yeah, like maybe I was just hungry. And so the first few bites, I was like, oh, food, right? Yeah, the relief of just eating food. But then, you know, it wasn't like disgusting, you know, it was edible. So that's why I wouldn't give it like a zero or anything. Yeah, but it just was. It was very bland. It was like I'm saying, no spice, the taste not that great, cheese quality not good.

We all know the bread at Subway is not the best. The chicken quality. Chicken, yeah, chicken quality, it's not good either. I mean, they call it rotisserie chicken. I don't know if that's some kind of like loophole technicality where they put it on a spit at some point But it didn't take it did one exactly. It didn't taste like rotisserie chicken to me It tasted like the deli like sliced deli chicken. Yeah, like pre-packaged stuff

What do you score the spicy nacho chicken? I give it like a Three three out of ten. Yeah, I'm gonna bring up in the not good the very first thing that happened. You and I are standing outside the restaurant and before we go in, this lady walks up from a couple stores over and says, and I quote, and this is just to herself, she's not interacting with us. It felt like she wanted us to overhear. Is that subway that smells that way? And then she walks to the doorway, smells,

turns around, walks away and says, damn, that's crazy. Yeah. Verbatim, is that subway that smells that way? Damn, that's crazy. Yeah. I, one, loved that moment. Sure, she was cool. But like.

Backed out in Lakers gear. When I think of sandwich shop, I want to smell warm bread. Well, they do. I mean, the subway pumps that bread exhaust. She was right to be. Here's the thing. You interpreted it as a positive and I interpreted it as a stink, like a negative because I smelled

something that smelled off as well. So she corroborated what I was feeling. So whether we had different experiences and she was thinking of it as a positive, I'm suspecting that she was more in line with me. It was gross. It smelled like burnt plastic. I don't know. I didn't smell that.

I was confused by her comment because I interpret it as like maybe just the strength of the smell. But to me, it smelled like Subway always does, which is not good. It's not a great smell, but it just smells like that bread. Like that's the smell I expect from Subway. I didn't detect like an especially bad smell.

It was, you know, the door was open, right? So you could smell it outside, like into the parking lot. So I don't know. It's to me, like she didn't have like a disgusting look on her face. And when she said that's crazy, to me it's like if it was a bad smell, it would be like, ugh. You know, there was no hint of a yuck to me.

To me saying, damn, that's crazy is kind of akin to like, if someone was like not wearing deodorant and I was like, is that you that smells that way? And then I verify and like, damn, that's crazy. Like that it's that pungent. To that I could spend an hour talking just dissecting the ways that she could have meant this I don't know I think she was in line with me to me it smelled like like if you leave the plastic on a craft single and then try and made a grilled cheese with it yeah I don't know what to say I mean it's like

Rashomon you know different perspectives I didn't it just it didn't you know I didn't smell anything particularly bad. It did it didn't smell good. It smelled like Subway So I was confused by the comment her comment was the cinematic masterpiece of our yeah, probably. Yeah It I loved it though that she said that but yeah, let's call a spade a spade That's not a good thing that that happened I can only put this in not good Because it just doesn't go in good or just there, but I also don't care that much. They mixed up my buns So you got a foot long? Yeah, I got two six inch. I got two different sandwiches and

That threw her for sure it threw her for sure and I wanted two different sandwiches. And, uh... That threw her for sure. It threw her for sure, and I wanted two different breads. Again, I just like to try variety when it comes to this show. And so I got one on wheat, one on white. I wanted my meatball on white. I wanted my sweet onion chicken teriyaki on wheat. And it was the opposite way around. And I noticed because that the meatball, or it was actually called the boss way around. And I noticed because that the meatball,

it was actually called the boss. Okay. Which I'll talk about next. It had meatball and pepperoni in it and then cheese that I asked them to not put in. To give it a fighting chance, I thought on white it would be good. It was all levels of dry.

The tomato sauce almost tasted like burnt a little bit. Like it, yeah. I despise the meat. I've had the meatball there before and I don't like it at all. It's not a good meatball. I like, I ate one full meatballs worth of sup. Like once I finished that first meatball,

I was like, I think I'm done. The pepperoni didn't add much to it. I don't know. I like, you know, on pizza, like the cupped pepperoni. I like my pepperoni really crisp and this wasn't that But I do think that the sandwich is appropriately named because everyone hates their boss So the boss Sucked it was dry and crusty. I'm gonna give it a two out of 10. Okay. For the boss six inch on wheat. Generous.

Honestly, it might be. That said, I do have something worse than it. Yeah, I would agree. Yeah. On three. Three, two, one. The pretzel. Yeah, pretzel.

The foot long pretzel. It's like, they advertise anti-ans. Mm-hmm. They say with a twist of Auntie Anne's or something. Yeah This is kind of a newer thing. They added them I want to say last year a foot long cookie a foot long churro and a foot long pretzel and this pretzel They cooked it and then they pulled it out and then they like did the butter painting, you know Yeah, which I question that I wonder because I would have put the butter

on before going in the toaster. Yeah. But she did it after. I think it's because when the butter heats, it can burn you and they just don't want the liability. So they sacrifice the flavor. I guess, yeah. For not being sued. Well, it was a big sacrifice. It was a very big set. I said it in the intro. This thing was a level of dry that I've never experienced before because like

Pretzels have two categories. They have soft pretzels Yeah, and then they have like the the pretzel sticks present pretzel crisps whatever classic hard pretzels that you can get and this somehow managed to take the I Was gonna say the worst parts of middle ground But like there isn't a bad part about a soft pretzel. No. Like a soft pretzel is really good. It is just a better version of a pretzel.

And yet they found a way to infuse the hard pretzel elements to make this soft pretzel suck. It tasted really stale. It gave your jaw a workout like chewing it. Yeah, I took a bite and I was like,'s enough. I know like I'm a pretzel guy I like pretzel pretzel who doesn't but I mean I really like a soft pretzel and and It had the butter on it and it had the salt, you know the rock salt on it or whatever I was like, well, what can be you know? No, it was awful awful one out of ten. Yeah one out of ten. I agree

easy shame on you subway your One out of 10, I agree. Easy. Shame on you, Subway. You're responsible for dragging Auntie Anne's name through the mud now. Seriously. You're bringing them down a path. I put that on Auntie Anne.

She's getting old, I guess. She's senile. She's getting a little forgetful. She's signing off on collabs that, you know, years ago she had standards when she had a sane mind. Yeah, I know. She's trying to put her kids through college, her grandkids through college or something. Before the dementia. Yeah. Yeah. Aw know she's trying to put her kids through college grandkids through college or the dementia. Yeah

Yeah, so I feel for auntie and take it off the menu at this point. They'd be better off Yeah, we didn't get the footlong cookie because I knew we were gonna get just the regular one, but it doesn't look good It's a weird shape. No, and it looks like it looks like too thick to where it's like not all of it is gonna be warm It's like they make it in a pan. It's like too thick to where it's like not all of it is going to be warm. It's like they make it in a pan. It's like a pan like a bazooka type of cookie, but they take the corner or the row, you know, closest to the wall of the pan. Yeah. Yeah.

So then we got the foot long churro and this one says Cinnabon inspired. Yeah. Cinnabon bakery inspired, which I realize is also what they call their like take home, like the frozen stuff that you can put in the oven or whatever. Yeah. Well, I mean, I've done extensive litigation on this podcast about Cinnabon and the merits of crossover products with Cinnabon. And I've kind of ruled that like if you're serving straight up just like a Cinnabon at your restaurant, I'm not going to review it. I'm not going to score it because it's just like,

well, you just took someone else's product and sold it. I wish to God they had just a regular. It would have been great. It just wouldn't be a viable. That'd be like if we reviewed the Cheetos that they had here, right? It's just a bagged product from someone else. It doesn't really reflect on what Subway offers. But this, this is a unique enough creation in that you can only get it at Subway.

And it tasted definitely way more in line with Subway's offerings than Cinnabon's. I told you worst hero I've ever had. That's me. I would give it a two out of 10. I gave it a three out of 10 because it at least was a little chewy. It didn't taste stale to me No, it didn't taste. No, that's not what I would say. Yeah, but the cinnamon

Because like there's a specific brand of cinnamon and even this managed to not taste like that I didn't think there was anything cinnamon about it at all. No, it was it was a bad churro was anything Cinnabon about it at all. Nothing. No, it was a bad churro. It was drier than I would have liked. It was not enough cinnamon sugar on it. And you tasted, there was like a bready taste to it that was just not, you know, and there was no,

I would have expected maybe like cinnamon, the Cinnabon sauce or something that you dip it in or something. Yeah, yeah, it was like a frosting or an icing or something. That would have saved it to some extent, but. I did expect an icing and there just wasn't one, especially when you're bringing in the name Cinnabon. Like that's the expectation.

Or at least use their dough or something like that. The churro was also like too yellow as opposed to like the golden brown that you kind of expect. So it didn't seem like it was cooked enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, these little foot long desserts, they're gimmicks. That's all they are. They're not good.

They're bad. I mean, it's so bad. I just don't understand how you can mess up a churro. I really don't understand it. You can go to like a baseball game where everything's overpriced and like, you don't expect high quality or whatever those churros are better go to like yeah you know any theme park you know six flags or something they got

like those churro carts. They've been sitting out all day. Yeah they taste better than this. No shot this was awful. Yeah like if if you're not near a place that serves churros like like a theme park or like a Mexican style spot that has them or whatever. And this is your only exposure to churros. Do not judge churros as a concept off of what Subway puts out. No, that would be a travesty. Yeah, and then the table was tiny.

Very small. Well, but usually I feel like people go into Subway, Yeah, and then the the table was tiny very small Well, but usually I feel like people go into subway there by themselves. They're on their lunch break or something You know, you don't like go with a group of people Yeah, they had a bunch of tables of two against the wall a lot of open space in the floor plan floor plan and then one table for four but it had the Handicap sticker on it. So it's like, it's wheelchair accessible, but it's also, you feel guilty sitting there if you don't need to.

And so it's like, I would love to have more space. Our table was packed. I know, and it's like, what are we trying to save the space? Like, what are we having these little card tables out for? It's like, oh, make way for nobody to be in line. You know what I mean? For the massive people. Right, like what do we need all this open space for?

Yeah. All right, Terrell, you notably hated the wall decor. I had it in just there, but you know what? We can talk about it now. I'm going to, I got so much footage of this, so I'm gonna put it on screen as we talk about it, but just as a general, go ahead and describe what we saw. Sure, so it's like these banner pictures,

high glossy photos of food arranged in like whimsical objects. But it's like the photos were clearly taken in my mind for like an Instagram or like a square aspect ratio. So you just have, there's a good like 40% of the photos that are just a solid color. The background is just solid green or solid red or whatever.

And then you have, for example, like some cucumbers with a little like cutout that makes them look like glasses. Or you had like the most in-depth one one was a bread, like a loaf of bread that looked like a pocket knife that had all these vegetables sticking out of it, cut in a way that it looked like a pocket knife with all the gadgets out. They had a book that was like the pages were Swiss cheese. They had-

Another was a CD in a CD cover that was also cheese. That was bad. There was a, like a Saturn, like just the planet Saturn. Saturn with the onion rings. That was probably my favorite. I don't know. And this angered you. It really angered, it really upsets me, yeah.

Why? It's so bad. I mean mean it's worse than hotel art because it's not something that fades into the background. Like the bright saturated color, especially against all this like ash gray wall, gray tile and stuff, this is all that you have to look at. And so it's not even like one of those fancy pictures of like, oh here's what a Subway sandwich would look like

if it looked good, you know? Or here's, right, like, if this is the commercial, then you have the melty cheese and stuff like that. It wasn't even that. There was no unifying theme. A couple of the photos I could not figure for the life of me figured out. It's like-

Well, yeah, there was one in particular that was driving us crazy, and it was the one right over figured out. It's like. Yeah, there was one in particular that was driving us crazy, and it was the one right over our table. Yeah. And it was like a bell pepper with a slit in it with, was it a circle of red onion? No, it was like, yeah, it was like giving birth to a tomato. And then on the ground, there was like an,

or beneath it, there was like an onion and a cucumber slice. So there were like basically three circles that were kind of in like a triangle shape with no connection between them. They're just like the corners of a triangle and one of them was coming out of a bell pepper. I'm gonna post this photo on Instagram. I'm gonna have it in this video.

And if you see what this is supposed to be, what we're missing, please for the love of God, comment and tell me what I'm looking at. It's like a Rorschach, like an inkblot test, I feel like. No, because I thought all the others were at least kind of clear. Yeah, that's the thing. All of the other ones, you can see what,

it would be like they had music notes, you know? They had, like you said, the cheese book. They had the Swiss cheese as the CD case cover, which is bizarre to me. Who even uses CDs anymore, what is that about? They had the Swiss cheese as the CD case cover, which is bizarre to me. Who even uses CDs anymore? What is that about? But what was the direction here?

It's like we want a decoration, we want to inspire, okay, here's the fresh vegetables, the ingredients or whatever. And then they just gave it to some, I don't know, some artist in quotes. Do whatever. And it's just like, oh, here's's what I'll make a planet out of the onions like I'm gonna make eight pieces of art that are referential to

Clear real-life objects and two pieces that you're gonna look at and go like, huh? It's just it didn't make any sense to me. It didn't seem related to subway at all and Yeah, I know and it was a good that it's their ingredients But it's like it's lettuce. It's like a subway doesn't have like a you know a monopoly on lettuce I mean no I know but if you saw a painting of a burger at McDonald's it's not out of place there was no painting of a sandwich there was no sandwich the Swiss Army knife was close enough it wasn't close enough to me it wasn't close enough to me okay it looks't close enough to me. Okay, it looks whatever I didn't get it

And I've set me bothered me other than the one that I just couldn't identify but that's more my own No, I won't say it's my own shortcoming But it's the artist shortcoming to convey the information of what it was all the others I actually kind of liked I can't understand that. I don't know what you liked about them. They just seem cool I don't know. I guess it's like when you see people like those dogs where they're like so ugly that they're cute or something Maybe there's like some maybe there's like that psychology. Yes, some of that charm to it. I don't know. Yeah But what I will say that I didn't like is on the wall between these photos There's like a slogan, our ingredients, your masterpiece.

Yeah. I'm sorry, you're not creating anything that could be considered a masterpiece, and don't put it on me to be the one who has to take responsibility for that. Yeah. Yeah, it was silly. And, oh, there was a,

there was a jalapenos with a two two around it being a ballerina. Yeah. I liked that one a little more than that. But then there was also the one that was next to the confusing one that was also kind of confusing. Yeah. I thought it looked like one of those like slalom water skis that has like a seat on it. Yeah. Uh, and there's no way that's what it was. I don't know, maybe it's supposed to be like a balloon

flying above. Maybe that's what it, maybe it's a balloon. But like, then the bottom part. No, it's touching the ground. I thought it was, if anything, I thought maybe it was like a lollipop tree like a kid might draw or something, like a tree, I don't know. That seems like it doesn't fit.

It's just like a stick with a tomato on top. Yeah, it's the inclusion of the base. There's just like one piece of cheese at the bottom that it's growing out of. That's like peeling upward. And it's like, that's the part that, if they didn't include that, sure, I can come up with like 19 things that this thing is,

but with that, it's like, what is it? So yeah, the confusion for me was not good. Uh, the food I'm going to say overall, not good. I'm going to go two thumbs down on the food at subway. Yeah. When your best thing is a cookie and it's getting five and a half out of 10 for me, your food is not good. It's awful.

Uh, the service I'll say no thumbs overall. I'm not going to give a thumb up for service. Uh, I did like it. She did hustle, but just given for what it is compared to the best service I've ever had this doesn't crack more than the middle. I give it a thumbs up and then the Atmosphere I'm gonna go one thumb down not two. I'm not gonna trash it but that smell Like damn, that's crazy Yeah, I agree one thumbs down for the crazy. Yeah, I agree. One thumbs down for the atmosphere.

Yeah, they mostly do the art. Um, okay. Anything else in not good for you? No, I don't think so. I have like a couple things in just there. Okay, so we'll go into that last category. It'll be short. Most of our time here is going to be spent here in the not good

and it was so jump into the just there On the assembly line, the meats had like a meat shield up. Like we couldn't get our eyes on how this meat was stored. There was a big metal case there. I'm just gonna say, it's a little suspicious. It's not inherently bad, not inherently good, but I did clock it.

I didn't notice that, but yeah. Yeah, like all the veggies you were able to see fresh, inherently good, but I did clock it. I didn't notice that, but yeah. Yeah. Like all the, all the veggies you were able to see fresh, all the meats were kept employee side. It's like a DMs. It's a dungeon master screen for the meat. It's like, sure. I have to trust that you rolled a 20. Maybe you did.

Maybe you didn't. Exactly. Maybe the silliest thing when we leave, when it's like throw out your trash, there's a hole for recyclables and a hole for trash. And both of those lead to the same bin. Yeah, it's just one big, one big bin. What's the point? Well, it's to make you feel like you're recycling.

No, I know. To make you feel like you're recycling. No, I know. To make you feel good, yeah. I guess. But like. Pulling a fast one. Yeah, I thought it was funny. Yeah, I will say the sweet onion chicken teriyaki for me was just there. It wasn't a bad sandwich.

The chicken was bouncy is the word that I put on it. Like some people would say rubbery. I don't like using rubbery in terms of food because I don't think it was, uh, I don't think that's totally accurate, but you know, it was kind of pushing back when I would bite on it. It felt cooked just fine.

Like, I don't think I'm going to get sick from this, uh, but just something about the texture of this chicken bothered me. I do like the sweet onion sauce. And I do think that the vegetables tasted pretty fresh. The bread just could use so much work. That's awful. My favorite sandwich place in LA is in North Hollywood.

It's a sandwich spot, like a Mediterranean-style sandwich. Also in a strip center. Also in a strip mall. And they have a garlic chicken. Also in a strip mall. And they have like fresh rolls imported, imported, delivered every morning and they only sell that sandwich until they run out of rolls. And so they're like they're literally always fresh every day. And like it's such a go get the garlic chicken sandwich at High Mart sandwiches in North Hollywood

at the big six way intersection. It's behind the Randy's donuts. It's my favorite sandwich. It's so freaking good. You've been there with me. Did you get the garlic chicken? Yeah, I've had the chicken. Yeah, it's good.

I'm going to go four and a half on the sweet onion chicken teriyaki, which for Subway, not bad. Sure. teriyaki, which for subway, not bad, but for food, different bars. And then, yeah, for me, the decor confusing for me was just there for you. You didn't like it. Uh, and that's all for the just there for me. Was there anything else for you that you noticed about this experience you want to bring up that was just kind of like, you don't feel

strongly about in any way? Well, there was a guy that was talking to our sandwich artist at one point, and he was pretty colorful, I thought. I don't know if you caught him, but he was in a Lilo and Stitch hoodie. Oh! Was furry.

I did clock that, yeah. Yeah, it was a Stitch hoodie, it was furry. And he was being asked about it by one of the employees. I guess, it was hard to say, but he was showing her a tattoo he had and was saying that it was his spirit animal. It's like a thin... Stitch?

I don't think... I think he was referring to a tattoo. Oh, okay. So, but it would be funny. It was... He was definitely the type of guy, you know? He's a Disney guy. He was like a raver.

He looked like a raver type of guy to me. But yeah, anyways, so I enjoyed hearing him chat up the sandwich artist who really was politely nodding while he spoke to her. Yeah, I liked the guy that was after you in line that when your sandwich was being made was like, can you take the onions off of that? Oh, that really annoyed me.

And she was like, this isn't your sandwich. This guy's on the phone, right? And then she takes his order after mine. She puts his in the in the toaster He's standing he's I know he's on the phone, but he's looking bright at her right while he she does this And then she starts to talk to me about my sandwich Yeah, and she's like grabbing it and then he's like hey can I don't want I want onions on that It's like dude. What is wrong with your sense of time? You just saw me put your sandwich in the toaster.

Like, there's a guy next to you that she's looking at me. She wasn't talking to him. I just, yeah, that guy. And he wore one plastic glove on his hands for like sanitation and stuff. So, not saying he's wrong to do that, just saying I noticed it. It's like a Michael Jackson,

he's like the Michael Jackson of Subway. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. So that's everything that is just there. We're gonna take all of this together, weigh the good and the not good, squash them up against each other, mash them like action figures and see where does that bring the score for

Subway. But before we can do that, I know you've been on the show before, but it was before I had guests calibrate their scale. So I'm at like 90, I think 95 restaurants for the show so far. I'm calibrated. I, you know, I know how to, how to rate these places against each other. Sure. I just want to hear what's the bottom of your scale and the top for calibration reasons. So we're going to jump into this week's Calibration Station.

Calibration Station Comparing this meal to the best or the worst. Calibration station Chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo All right, Terrell, I'm going to ask you to tell me about the worst restaurant experience you've ever had and the best something you'd call a zero, something you'd call a 10. Whichever one you want to start with, the floor is yours.

Sure, my worst experience probably in college in Austin, Texas, and went to a sports bar, it's called the Tavern, on game day. Red flag to me already in retrospect just calling something the Tavern, you know, or like something called the bar. No ownership. It's not like Jerry's Tavern. It's just like I'm distancing myself already. I will never understand, you know, the straightforward mind of like a businessman who's like, I'm gonna have a corner store. I'm gonna call it Corner Store. You know, like you don't even put your name on it. You know, it's just, oh, I can't be bothered, you know, like I'm gonna have a band.

I'm just gonna call it Rock Band. It's like, dude, come on, give it more than two seconds. Like, anyways. It's what it is. It's straightforward. Anyways, I went there on game day, college football. Come on, give it more than two seconds. Like, anyways. It's what it is, it's straightforward. Anyways, I went there on game day, college football. And it was just a situation where the place was packed and they were utterly ignoring us. They took our order fast enough,

they gave us like a beer fast enough, and then it was literally like an hour and a half. And we were trying to get people's attention, obviously at points, and just took forever to get the food. Food was okay when it finally came out. It was a little lukewarm, but it wasn't the food. It just took way, way too long, and it was a pretty unpleasant time.

I feel like you're describing several meals I've had at Buffalo Wild Wings, specifically the one in Burbank, even if it's not a busy game night. I just feel like that is a recurring experience I've had there where it's just like, is anyone gonna notice my table? Like, yeah.

All right, and then your best. Best? Well, unfortunately, I don't remember the name of it. So good start, but it wasn't something generic like the Tavern, but it was in Bozeman, Montana. I went there. My beautiful place. My brother got married there, and it was a nice restaurant,

but they had steak and burgers and stuff, and I got a Bison burger, and it was just really cooked well. That's one of the only times I've had Bison. Yeah, I've had a Bison burger, I think also in Montana or at some point, I did a road trip a few years ago and I kind of went through Yellowstone and had a bison burger myself and I remember it being really good.

Yeah, it was great and they had a nice patio, weather was really nice, beautiful scenery. They had like a huckleberry cocktail. I guess huckleberry is a big thing there. Again, something unusual. View of the mountains. Yeah, you could see the mountains. And it was, yeah, it was just a really nice time.

Bison, I had it and I was like, oh, I get, you know, why the settlers were just massacring them. Yeah, it's pretty good. For this taste? It tastes pretty good. I do it. Yeah. Okay, so that's your 10 out of 10.

Somewhere between those two, the Tavern and this unnamed Montana Bisonburg. I'm gatekeeping the Bozeman Montana. Your best kept secret. You don't want anyone to know. Somewhere between those two experiences lies today's lunch at Subway. So let's get our final scores.

Final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score,

final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, final score, Subway needs to go up on the tchotchke of mediocrity. I think I have a gut feeling

that it's not gonna score very highly, but let's hear what you have to say about Subway and give it a score. Yeah, I think I give it a 3.21. Okay. That's gonna be my score. It's really saved by the cleanliness and the relatively good service. Yeah, but infuriating wall art for you

just knocks him down a peg. No, look, this pretzel sucked so much. The vibe was set with, is that smell coming from Subway? Damn that smell. Like, I can't put into words how much I loved that moment, how true that moment felt to this whole day. It was the universe sending us a sign.

It really was. It was almost clean to a point where it was a negative. Like, not that I want it dirty, but there's a sterility that takes away character. Yeah, the lighting and the art, there was an antiseptic quality to it, yeah. And so I don't have a lot of love for just the prep style anyways.

There's just, there's so much wrong with Subway. And then you put on top of that, the baggage that comes with the name subway. I'm not going to say that like Jared Fogle himself factors into my rating, but he does factor into my head space when I walk in to a subway. Yeah.

So, and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying that as a joke. Like that is like a very real thing. It's kind of like, you know, I avoid Chick-fil-A and I have, you know, I've got feelings about Chick-fil-A and if I went to review a Chick-fil-A, that stuff, it's just gonna factor in. Yeah, I mean, they hitched their wagon real tight to Jared for decade, like more than a decade.

Yeah. It's so. So for me it's a little bit worse. I don't have a lot of respect for it and kind of messing up a pretzel in the way that they did is unforgivable. I'm gonna go 2.61. So when you put my score with your score,

Subway goes up on the tchotchky of mediocrity at a 2.91, which crazily enough is a perfect tie with KFC, the other place I went with you on this podcast. So I'm sorry for taking you to such subpar places. Well, you should be, and that should be the new name of it. Subpar sub subpar subway subway. We're like subpar. Yeah. Yeah.

But anyways, we are now officially the 2.91 boys. That's right represent 2.9 No, I really think that the people responsible for subways decline in quality They should suffer some kind of spiritual consequences in the afterlife just like karmic Punishment for what like I'm not saying they should go to hell, but I do think some kind of limbo or purgatory situation. They should be bored for thousands of years. They should have some kind of ironic punishment

where they have to eat cardboard for a few centuries or something. Eat yoga mats. Yeah, exactly. You can find out if you're going to heaven or hell after you consume this stack of yoga mats. There's just no excuse for it, especially you're saying it's the most plentiful restaurant

in the United States. Yeah. That's a responsibility. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah. I mean, you really should. I don't know how much money they make. I don't know what their profit margins are like,

but they have room. They gotta have room for better bread. They got to have room for like better bread. They got to have room for better meat. Yeah. And if they don't, then let it go. Let them all go. Let the dream die. Seriously.

Yeah. Yeah, but a 2.91, I'm going to be honest, it feels right. When I think Subway and I hear it got a 2.91, I'm like, yeah. Yeah. When I think Subway and I hear it got a 2.91, I'm like, yeah. Which means, officially, Subway is less than mediocre. Less than mediocre. Not quite as good as Cracker Barrel. Which means it's not perfectly mediocre. It's not a 5.00 out of 10. So I need to go somewhere else.

Next week I have to have a new restaurant to review. So I got to turn to the you must hole and figure out where that place is gonna be. Are you ready for this, Terrell? Born ready. Next week. Trash can ASMR. I will be going to. Taco Bell. All right, well Terrell, thanks so much

for joining me this week. Is there anything you want to plug? Look into that camera and tell people, uh, anything, anything you want to plug. It doesn't even have to be yours. Uh, no, I'm all right. You know, rest in peace, uh, to David Lynch. Oh yeah. That did just happen today.

I know this is going to come out in a, like a month and a half, but, uh, David Lynch passed away and he's my favorite director. Yeah, he's a great man. I mean, you can probably look at me and be like, oh, that guy probably likes David Lynch. And yeah, I do. Yeah. You know, no twin Twin Peaks. The return season was something I thought about daily for probably four years after it came out.

Like it resonated so hard with me. I love that that show, but specifically that season and then like Mulholland Drive, Wild at Heart, Blue Velvet, bunch of his stuff, so. Lost Highway. And you can find me on social media, at Fine Dining Podcast on Instagram, TikTok, or now Blue Sky, if you wanna come say hi,

follow me there, interact with me. I'm trying to force myself to be more conversational with my social media as opposed to just posting clips. So, Blue Sky will be an exercise in that. We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. The search does in fact continue. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day.

The search continues. We'll see you next time. Have a fine day! Journey did not conclude The mother-eating search continues Raddison iTunes Review And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh? Come on! Follow us on TikTok The same on Instagram, all the socials. At Find Dining Podcast, we have a website. FindDiningPodcast.com

Buy our t-shirts, then put them on. And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next. and put them on And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next OKAY! We're going to find it Mediocrity The search continues See you next week! Cough cough cough cough cough cough

Hurt my throat a little. Have a fine day!