Fine Dining - Why Garrett Will Never Return to Buffalo Wild Wings

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Michael & Garrett review Buffalo Wild Wings A ceiling leak rains on the boys’ parade The atmosphere almost gives Garrett a panic attack The security feed lets the boys know THEY’RE BEING WATCHED Garrett sets his mouth on fire JUB is back with a brand new business Michael writes and performs B-Dubs’s unofficial corporate birthday song   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Buffalo Wild Wings stories at [e-mail].   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a 5-star review on iTunes. We read every one!   The Search Continues: next time on Fine Dining we dine at The Old Spaghetti Factory!

Hello again and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, our search for the most mediocre restaurant chain in America. I am your host, Michael Ornelas. And I'm still Garrett's work. And this week we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was my choice from last week to treat Garrett to this experience that I'm sure he'll rate very highly. Yes.

And remember for years to come. It was amazing. It was not amazing, Garrett. I mean, we'll get into it, but Garrett did not like it. Not at all. And this is not your first time at Buffalo Wild Wings. No. Historically, I've always enjoyed this place.

I've always gotten decent food with decent service. It's been decently, I always thought Buffalo Wild Wings was the pinnacle of mediocrity. This experience for me was a little under mediocre and for Garrett was nightmare fuel. Yeah. I'm never going back to that location. Because he's a very anxious person who has a lot of triggers that set off his anxiety. Yeah. I'm a millennial.

Come on. And this restaurant had them all. Oh yeah. All of them. Except for children. Thank God. No young children. Yeah.

Luckily in a sports bar, you're not going to come across a bunch of kids. You'd think. You would think. Yeah. So this, this will be an interesting ride to go on. Just as a quick reminder before we jump in, how our rating system works. We are searching for that perfect 5.00 out of 10 looking for the most mediocre restaurant in the country because we think mediocrity should be celebrated because we think we

should be celebrated and we are mediocre. Speak for yourself. I'm one day I will be mediocre. You are striving for mediocrity. Eventually. Yeah. So, we are penalized if we bring the other person a restaurant that falls outside of the four to six range.

It wasn't mediocre enough and for that you deserve to be punished. Well last week, Outback Steakhouse scored over a six. It was too good for us. It was too good and Garrett made me shave a handlebar mustache on my face. You should keep it. It looks good. This week, I can avoid punishment because I, I overshot it on Outback. Hopefully I didn't undershoot it for Buffalo Wildlings.

I think you undershot it. Yeah. Well, we will jump on in and get reviewing. Just a reminder, our scale for reviewing is divided into three parts. We talk about the atmosphere, the service and the food which we will give up to two thumbs up to. Or two thumbs down. Or no thumbs.

Just hold a fist out. We might even shake that fist at the sky if we're angry enough. So yeah, let's, let's go to the theme song and then we'll jump into our first impressions of Buffalo Wildlings. It was cold. Like we just saw a ghost cold. I had no idea what was happening. First thing I noticed was the hostess looking confused at what it means to have people

walk in and what we could possibly want from her. I guess, hey, it's 5.20 on a Tuesday. It was almost empty. I don't know if she was, I don't know what she was doing. She was over it, whatever it was. She was literally just like, yeah, just sit wherever. Yeah, just go somewhere. Okay.

Sure. Like away. Like, yeah, I didn't know what her, what she was trying to put out there, but it was very much just like go sit somewhere and we were like, you know, the bar area and she was basically just like, I don't care. Just go. She was having a great day. She was having a great day.

She seemed like she just did not want to be a part of this transaction in any way. To be fair, the pay probably wasn't great. I don't think you could pay me enough to put up with us. I think we make an experience forgettable in a good way. Like we don't stand out to a hostess to where she's going to be like, oh my gosh, these guys are a lot of work. I don't know. I felt slighted.

I know you felt cold. I felt slighted. It was a good start and then she was just like sit wherever. And where's this wherever? It's empty. There's like no one here. One table full of people. Yeah.

Some other dude. Yeah. And, you know, we ended up with more people as the, you know, time went on as we kind of got into happy hour. But it's kind of weird. We're at a casual dining establishment at 5.20 on a Tuesday. That sounds like dinner time. But that's the problem.

We're at a casual dining establishment on a Tuesday. These are always hopping on weekends during the weekdays. You know, you find tables immediately. If you're waiting on a weekday, it's, we know it's going to score above a six. Still, I expected full on geriatric hour. That's my favorite time to eat. Yeah. Um, which for a sports bar, I don't know if that's the crowd it's bringing in.

I don't know. Old people like their sports, like, I don't know. They probably televised bocce ball, right? Not even lying. I played bocce within the last week and I felt like just very fancy. Is there a shuffleboard court too? No, no, no. I actually like have my own set of bocce balls and went to a park.

Oh, do you store that with your metamucil? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. Okay. Yeah. I played, I played bocce in the last week because it's literally like a family tradition. Like I grew up like, like we would have tournaments at like family reunions.

Young Michael, please come to the country. Uh, but we will enjoy our rousing game of bocce ball. Please. We played beach bocce. Oh, beach bocce, young master Michael. Okay. So yeah, so there was no weight. So, you know, naturally there is no time to really take in everything at the front,

but it was cold. It was empty. It was impolite. Yeah. Cold, empty, impolite. And we went straight to our table. So as quick as it is, let's hop on in the atmosphere. Okay.

So I feel like once we got to our table is when shit really hit the fan for you. It seemed. Yeah. Yeah. Just way too much. Everything. Over stimulation. Yeah.

Nonstop. Yeah. So the TVs, they're everywhere. Wall to wall, bright flashing lights. No sound on them though. No sound, no subtitles. So all you have are bright flashing lights. It's like you're at a carnival.

And well, but the music is like 80s power rock. Yeah. Nonstop and like too loud. Bro rock. So it's drowning out your conversations. You're being like flashed by all these different lights. I'm still freezing. Different TVs.

You know, you have like a really small TV with bar trivia that no one can read. You've got like large TVs advertising on a loop for Buffalo Wild Wings own products, which I totally understandable. I get it. And their products looked amazing there. It looks like art. It does. It's like spin art.

They also looked truly psycho just like just like who's putting like ranch and buffalo sauce and like a cheese. Like I don't know exactly what it was, but just I looked at a creation and I was like, that looks so wet. Like it just was so many sauces on sauces. How do you physically handle that? I don't know if you do. And so yeah, it was just a lot.

And then like two of the biggest TVs right next to each other had the same game on. And it's just like, you know, you're supposed to kind of space the games out. Like no one needs to see the same game on two adjacent TVs. But you could tell they were trying really hard our entire time there on establishing a vibe that I don't think anyone asked for. Yes. Clean into their memorabilia and their sports bar presentation. You know, there's there's jerseys for like the Dodgers and the Lakers all over the place,

which is appropriate on the wall. Yeah. The lights were dim, the music was loud, the TVs were blasting. So the atmosphere for Buffalo Wild Wings gets this week's This Is Way Too Much Award. Completely. This Is Way Too Much. 100 percent. We are unanimous on that, that it has nothing to do with their craziest menu item.

This week it is literally just the entire vibe of the place was way too much. And we haven't even told you that half of it yet. Yeah. So they're like AC unit just had what started as drip drops. And then just, you know, got steady stream more and more constant until it was just kind of like gushing out of the ceiling. My favorite part about it was there was a bucket that they had kind of placed up on the banister in between the tables and the bar itself, completely missing the drip, completely

not underneath the drip. And so the begs the question was the drip there at one point because there were also tables that were like, please don't sit here. So the no pun intended, the splash zone must have been pretty large at some point. But so I don't know if like they're moving the bucket around or if someone is employed to do that or is it looked like everyone there had the time to do that? Yeah. But I don't know.

I bet they hire a guy to do that. Yeah. So that's a word from our totally not made up sponsor. Hi, hi again. It's your boy, Job, and I'm back with a brand new business to tell you about. The first one didn't work out too good because turns out you can get mercury poisoning real bad from punching too much neon. This time I'm going to put your bucket around your floor.

That's right. Do you have drifts and drops coming off the ceiling of your Buffalo Wild Wings location or other restaurant establishment? Well, that's where I come in. I'm going to put a bucket directly underneath your trajectory and I can withstand the black mold. Okay. My lungs are bulletproof.

I've been shot at four times, literally three by the cops and one in a losing game of Russian roulette, but I can handle adversity. That's right. So call me, Job, JUB and I will push a bucket around the floor of your restaurant if a customer is like, Hey, what's happening here? I'll kick them. I'll kick them with my teeth. That's the thing.

So call me, JUB, just scream it at the top of your lungs. I will probably hear you. I'm real, real in tune with my own name. I am a bit of a narcissist. Okay. Bye. So the other part of atmosphere to consider is what's going on around us. How are the other tables impacting our dining experience?

And very abruptly and very quickly into the meal, there is a specific incident that happens. Quite the moving incident. I got to say that. Yeah. It was a table of bros were right next to us. They were wrapping up their meal, finishing, paying their check and they were trying to like do all the math, you know, figuring out who pays what and all that. And the largest guy in their group decides to get up and kind of sneak past our table

to go talk to his, you know, cohorts and co bros, his co bros. Uh, he's the largest guy in the group and his belly catches the corner of our table. And as he walks through, he is laser focused on his destination. He is not making eye contact with us. He's not acknowledging us in any way and proceeds to have his gut rotate our table like 80 degrees. Just basically swapping our position at the table. Meanwhile, as the corner rotates, it's like jabbing me in the gut. Uh, I can't speak for Garrett on this.

Oh, it didn't touch me at all. I just, this was very emblematic of our general bdubs experience. Yeah. Um, and then he just proceeds to talk to his friends. There's no like apology. There's no acknowledgement. There's no like, yeah, you take that like there, he should have made eye contact with us to assert dominance while his gut was moving the table.

But alas, that moment passed, um, but it just like, it was so ridiculous. It was to the point where I'm like, I don't even care that this is happening. This is just funny. Um, another thing I noticed is going into the restroom, Buffalo Wild Wings has a sign on their paper towel dispenser that says employees must wash hands before collecting tips and paychecks and rubbing them in the faces of their envious friends. If this sounds good to you, text BWW jobs to 97211 to apply, uh, which just made me laugh.

And now we both have jobs. We both have jobs. And then we also, uh, look back towards the hostess that, uh, so energetically and enthusiastically pointed us towards the restaurant. Yeah. Just go in that general direction and sit your ass down somewhere and leave me alone. And we noticed that there is an additional TV because there is no shortage of TV in this place.

Yeah, they're everywhere. Uh, behind her with a closed circuit security feed of just her, like over her shoulder, just like watching her like count cash or like whatever, um, and I'm just like, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there? Should I wear it? Should I damn?

What is going on over there? Should I wear it? Should I damn? What is going on over there? Okay, so we have security camera footage of a hostess counting her money at the front. What's going on over there, Garrett? Seems like a reality TV confessional where she counts her money. That's right.

Count my money. Is it like a, is it a reality show for Buffalo Wild Wings that serves a dual purpose as a recruiting ad for more employees because they're desperate because they're putting it on their paper towel dispensers and now they're doing a reality show where people count their money and they're like, please work here. Not only do you get to count cash on this show, you get to date your coworkers. Oh shit, workplace sexual harassment. Great.

Sounds like a great show to me. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what do we call it? What's Buffalo Wild Wings all about? Who's got the sauce? Or Blazin' Hot? Blazin' Hot.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I like who's got the sauce. It's a Buffalo Wild Wings themed reality show. And you win by... Having the sauce. By having the sauce.

The most charming individual is the one that's sauced. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And their date if they play their cards, right? Everyone's sauced. Yeah. Everyone gets sauced on this show.

That sounds like, like the adult version of Nickelodeon Slime, like, oh, you got sauced at Buffalo Wild Wings. That's so gross. Oh. Yeah. I'd rather have slime than whatever was coming out of the saline. Black mold. Yeah.

Garrett, do you have the sauce? Hold on. Give me 30 seconds. I'll give you some sauce. Okay. That's what was going on over there. All right. So I feel like we've talked enough about our experience with the atmosphere at Buffalo

Wild Wings to have come up with our final verdict. Two thumbs down. You're giving it two thumbs down? Yeah. 100% two thumbs down. I'm not surprised. They're just TVs everywhere, bros knocking our table around. It's raining inside.

Is it supposed to rain inside? Obviously not. I just think beat ups has managed to recreate everyone's favorite shitty college bar without any of the friends or good memories. I Buffalo Wild Wings lives in this place for me where I expect mediocrity and the only thing that it didn't deliver in that regard was the drip from the ceiling. Drip is a generous understatement of what we got. Something else though, I come to expect from a sports bar like the TVs everywhere, the

loud music. It's what I thought I was going to have going in and it more or less recreated that, but the gross drip brings it down for me. So I'm only going one thumb down, but either way, we both went negatives and that's not good for Buffalo Wild Wings fate. So have you ever been to a good sports bar? I mean, I haven't been to a ton of sports bars because I don't really watch that many sports that are real and I...

Wrestling is real. I mean, wrestling is a real performance and it's incredibly athletic and impressive, but it is not a real competition. It's extreme ballet. It is. It's no extreme modern dance. It's awesome. It is.

Like, I love wrestling. It's not real. Yeah, so I don't go to many sports bars, but this perfectly occupies what I expect from them. Anyways, Buffalo Wild Wings didn't get a high score for Atmosphere. Let's see if they can recover on service. And speaking of service, we have a little story from a former server. Let's hear from Dino and we'll be right back.

My name's Dino. I worked at Buffalo Wild Wings from 2013 to 2016. It was my first job and it was quite a roller coaster. A lot of unorganized dysfunction. I don't know if that's even like a way that anything could be worded to describe anything, but if that's a description for anything, it's Buffalo Wild Wings. Most restaurants will typically have like a seating chart or an order in which like things are done or whatnot, but with a bar area specifically at Buffalo Wild Wings, it's

kind of just a first come, first serve basis. Kind of walk in, seat yourself wherever you'd like, whenever you'd like to sit there. So we are run into a lot of issues with people kind of trying to do things their own, moving tables and requesting ridiculous things and whatnot. Like, oh, let's get 20 people in the middle of the bar, like just ridiculous bullshit. So there was actually one time where we had a party walk in and there was going to be 10 of them. So we sit them in the patio area and then we walk into the restaurant to put their drinks

in. They have another five people join them. So the 10 turns into a 15. No big deal. Not too, too crazy. We had enough room on the patio. We got it figured out. And then when we go back in to get their drinks taken care of, we come back out.

There's another 10 people added onto that party. So the 10 top is now a 25 top and all of these people want separate fucking checks, which is ridiculous to even think is a possibility for that many checks. Like that's just unrealistic to expect anyone to do. So I had my manager get involved and tell them like, we're not doing that. And by the time my manager came out, they had added another 15 people to the party. So the 10 top turned into a 40 top for this Asian girls 23rd birthday. All these random ass people come up.

I remember people pulling up in tacky ass, like street glow Honda civics with like fucking waifu stickers and shit on the side, just like the most annoying group of people to pull up without any sort of announcement. Just we all want separate checks, 40 of them. Like we don't care. I'm not paying for this. We're not paying for this altogether. So by the time my manager tells them we're not doing this for the third time, one of

the girls decides to take it upon herself to say, I can't separate the check 40 ways because I don't know how to do my job. To which I said, you're being a fucking troglodyte. And I didn't get fired for that. She knew her. She didn't even complain to corporate. She just complained to my boss and my boss was like, Hey, you can't do that. I didn't got a slap on the wrist.

And then they left with three checks total to which they tip me $6 on a $420 tab, which I think I'm blessed to have received that $6 to be 100% honest. All right, Dino, you troglodyte. Thanks for sending us your story. If you have a crazy or interesting or unique or heartwarming story from your time working at a specific chain restaurant, send it to us at Fiden dining podcast at gmail.com. And we'll try to feature it when we get around to that specific chain.

Next week's pick will be announced at the end of this episode. Service. So for the service, there was nothing really spectacular. But that's what we expected. We expected mediocrity. It's not even what we expected. It's what we're hunting for. Yeah, this is our mission.

This was actually the shining example of what we are trying to find. We want to find a place whose atmosphere is mediocre. Its service is mediocre and its food is mediocre. Well, in the mediocrity category, Buffalo Wild Wings killed it in the service department. We we had a server who took like six or seven minutes to notice us before being like, oh, are you being helped, which is just like, yeah, yeah, you're here. That's that's yeah, it's just like this is what we expected. It's whatever, you know, it's a little annoying.

But then there are things that she did that were on the opposite end of that where it's like, while Garrett stammers through his order and like, browses the menu because he's indecisive and takes forever. She's just kind of like nose to the grindstone, pen to the pad, just like waiting for him to utter a combination of words that is technically in order so that she can put it down and go back to the kitchen and do her job. She was a very hard worker.

Yes, I make. I guess I made her work hard with my words, but they're lack thereof. There was not much in the way of enthusiasm. She did humor a couple of questions that I had for Boomer questions, not Boomer questions at all. Gee golly, Miss, I don't know what happens when someone has a birthday. Does this young fellow get a good rousing song? Look, we saw what happened with birthdays at Outback last episode. So I wanted to know if Buffalo Wild Wings had any like demeaning employees

have to sing a ripoff of the birthday song sort of set up, which there's no policy. They don't have to sing. But the fun thing is she said that they would. She would. She said they would. There's an optional embarrassment policy. So she'll sing. She'll embarrass us if we want it, which it was neither of our birthdays. So we did not put her through that.

And then on top of that, I asked about if they have a kid's menu to color just because we brought you that adorable little segment last week. And we wanted to know if they had something similar for this week. But alas, a sports bar does not have crayons for kids to color with. What a shame. So I think when it gets to the final verdict for Buffalo Wild Wings, they nailed it, just laser focused on being mediocre. 100 percent perfection of mediocrity.

But if we are talking about actual quality, they do not measure up to Keith from Outback last week. Keith was the Paragon of Service. If you listen to our Outback episode, Keith was just incredibly attentive, always there, addressed us by name. He's too good for mediocrity. This was not this was perfect for mediocrity. So I give Buffalo Wild Wings zero thumbs.

Same here, zero thumbs from me. No thumbs up, no thumbs down, just zero thumbs. They crushed it. They did. They crushed it at being mediocre. Huh, it says we have a birthday song from the staff of Buffalo Wild Wings. OK, take it away. One, two, three, four. Happy birthday from the B-Dubb's crew.

We got these boneless wings for you. Please, karaoke. Caribbean jerk, all in on a rep the day of your birth. So put your arms up in the skies and let us take a second to apologize. There's water on the floor and a bucket on the table. This whole experience has made us look unstable. Music's too loud. The food ain't great.

We're fearful. You'll give us a score we'd hate. But don't you forget the security is watching. And if you do what's dirty, it's your face we'll be mopping. Wild Wings, no. More like Wild Wild West. We'll put a bullet right through the center of your chest and drag you to the back. Leave you bleeding in the alley.

You know, one will find your body, but that's not even the finale. We'll set the whole town ablaze like Aaron's Hatchburger. Give us a rating that definitely says it were better than mediocre. Fuck the round and find out we the kings. Happy birthday from Buffalo Wild Wings. Don't mess with Buffalo Wild Wings. Give you the unhappiest birthday of all times, motherfucker. I just love Buffalo Wild Wings.

And I protect it with all my love. All my love. That doesn't make sense. Keep that. Keep, keep, keep, keep that. We out. Food. Yum.

Our food was many things. Yeah, it was things. Yeah, so I guess let's go through our order. So we split an appetizer. We got the everything pretzel knots. Yeah, they were good, not impressive for a pretzel, but a pretzel is an inherently tasty food. So like for a hot pretzel, it was weak.

But for an appetizer, hot pretzels are good. So that messes with my mind. It's it's somewhere in the middle there. Overall, it didn't make a huge impression on me, but it felt like empty calories when I was done with it. I was like, OK, whatever, I've had this honey mustard and beer cheese, which this is outing ourselves very early in the podcast. But neither Garrett nor myself are fans of cheese.

Yeah, any fans I'm going to lose from not liking cheese should make that decision early. I've got Crohn's disease and I don't. It's not even that I don't get along with cheese. I don't enjoy the taste of it, but I have that excuse to not eat cheese. I can be like, oh, it's a medical reason. But honestly, my brother used to like microwave plastic bags of broccoli with cheddar cheese when I was growing up.

Terrible. And it would stink up the entire house and it turned me off of cheese. And then my parents would make like really pungent, like from the box, all grotton potatoes. Oh, and it was just I'm physically uncomfortable right now. Those two combinations were so traumatic for me growing up that cheese to this day grosses me out. But the one thing that got grandfathered in

because I ate it before all of that was pizza. So pizza, I will still eat as long as it's not like crazy cheesy. But if there's like a mac and cheese, like to me, that is one of the grossest foods on the planet. It is an affront to all senses. Physically makes me ill. You know, it smells weird. It looks weird.

It sounds bad. I wish I could come back. Oh, that's the sound of mac and cheese. God, that. So when we got served everything pretzel notch with honey mustard and beer cheese and you actually looked willing to taste the beer cheese, my senses went into defense mode. And I'm just like, I'm moving the honey mustard closer to me

because I'm staking my claim. This is mine. Now, I also do not like cheese. Yeah, I love myself too. But it's far less dramatic. Many Koreans are lactose intolerant as babies and that just carried on through a chunk of my childhood. And well, I just never got into the habit of dairy in general.

It's tough because I do like dairy things and lactose things. I like ice cream. I like, you know, different, different other things. Different milks. But I have to tell people that. Yes, I like different milks, just a slew of milks. What a stupid comment. Keep that. Yeah, naturally.

Just a variety of milks. I am a connoisseur of milks. Anyways, I mean, all this just to say, yeah, we had a side of beer cheese at Buffalo Wild Wings that I did not touch. I tried the beer cheese just so we could taste it. And it tasted literally like someone microwaved some cheese and poured some beer into it. Uh, that sounds like how Buffalo Wild Wings probably made it.

That's probably exactly how it was done. I actually, I saw an article that was like 10 things Buffalo Wild Wings doesn't want you to know. And one of them was just how few foods are made fresh at the restaurant. Like it's a lot of microwaving and reheating and stuff. So it wouldn't surprise me. But the other fact that I learned and this is fun. The same company that owns Buffalo Wild Wings

is the parent company of Arby's, ooh, which is just such an interesting comparison to make that I now can't unsee, especially after this experience. I also don't think highly of Arby's. I think you do. Oh, I love Arby's. I just. It's a, I don't know. I grew up in the Midwest.

So to me, Arby's was the healthier fast food option. Arby's is the closest thing to a heart attack that they have in the fast food arena. I don't roast beef on a bun. That just sounds healthier than a hamburger, right? Sure. I'll let you think that. I'll let you have your dreams. My sweet, beefy dreams, your sweet, beefy dreams.

Speaking of your sweet, beefy dreams, let's get into entrees. I'll go first just because I know we're going to talk about yours for longer. I got wings because it is a wing place. So I got a honey barbecue and mango habanero because I like it. The spice, I think that's the Italian, the legal way you have to say that. I like it. The spice. So I had the mango habanero, which burned my mouth.

There was no, like there's usually two separate little paper trays that they, by the way, all your food at Buffalo Wild Wings is brought to you in like a demeaning paper tray, like the sort of thing a bar would put peanuts in. Like it's very inelegant. It's really bad quality, too. I feel like they've their trays used to be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like don't try and lift it because it's flimsy.

But yeah, so they put all of my wings into one big tray. So I couldn't tell if I was about to take a super spicy bite or like a satisfying honey barbecue bite. So it was kind of like a crapshoe. But I do really like both of those flavors quite a bit. They're my go to order at Buffalo Wild Wings. But one of the two burns my lips off and I would like to be able to prepare myself before that happens.

And then I got a side of onion rings that were calorically crazy. They were actually nuts. I in full disclosure am trying to lose weight. I am on Weight Watchers. I am down 50 pounds so far in 2022, which is crazy, which is pretty wild. I'm also exercising a crap ton. But if you don't know how Weight Watchers works, it basically assigns a point value to every food that you eat.

And then you get X amount of points a day and then you get some rollover points for the week that you can go over by. And if you exercise that throughout the week, that number goes up. Now, to account for these onion rings, I've had to do so much exercise. And I didn't know what their point value was going to be until I had them in front of me and I looked it up. It is truly insane. A full order of Buffalo Wild Wings onion rings is about a day and a

half's worth of food for someone on that program. Huge. So I only ended up having about four or five of them, which even then was still more than half of my daily food value. But luckily I had my like weekly rollover points to use on this whole meal. They were soft, like undercooked, like I like a good crisp to my onion ring. And the grease just like, you know, when you have a jelly donut and you feel that like, or like gushers and you can feel the liquid coming out.

This was that in an onion ring. It was not great. And I am an onion ring enthusiast. So I am really bummed. And also since I have this platform, if you have a amazing onion ring recommendation, please send it to me. Find dining podcast at gmail.com. Seriously, I want to hear it.

That's right. We're on Instagram at find dining podcast. We're on Tik Tok at find dining podcast and you can email us whatever you want. Find dining podcast at gmail.com. We might regret that, but I don't know, maybe we won't. What did you get, Garrett? It was an adventure. Yeah.

So I started off with the bacon smashed hatch chili burger. Yep. This was another one of the menu items prominently displayed on their big screen TVs. Yep. Multicolored, they had. It looked good on the TV. It was beautifully colored and even the burger I had in front of me, I like to be honest, it looked amazing.

It looked almost as good as it did on the screen. I was surprised. Yeah, there were red, green, red and green peppers clearly colored, like artificial food coloring guaranteed, but it looked pretty. That's where the enjoyment stopped, though. Yeah, as soon as you not even put it into your body, but put it into your hand. Yeah, it just started falling apart. And I'm one of those people like greasy, sticky textures really bother me.

I feel like I shut down the second my hands get too dirty. And I'm a person who a food's structural integrity matters so little to me if the taste is amazing. Like I will like, I mean, last week with the bloomin' onion, like it was falling apart on my plate and I was just like tilting my plate into my mouth to just like, you know, like it does not matter to me. If it tastes good, I like it won't really negatively impact the score unless it is a nightmare, which for you, it seemed like it was an absolute nightmare.

Yeah. OK, so it was falling apart. That's one thing. Then once I successfully got it into my mouth, the spice was instantly overwhelming. It was enough for me to laugh at. He was the biggest wimp he ate. What, a third of a third of it?

But like, I'm not even going to make an excuse for myself. I was a giant wimp. I'm not going to blame anything about the burger. I will blame my taste buds. Yep. So two days later, because I'm a giant wimp and I've been feeling bad about myself for two days straight, I'm a Korean man.

I should be able to handle spice, damn it. And you had a painful reminder of your meal on the way out the next day. Oh, yeah, that was. Oh, it burned just as much going out, which, by the way, if you are like a bidet company and want to sponsor us, like that seems like it goes hand in hand with what we're trying to do. Oh, completely. OK, so I actually ordered the burger two days later.

I got it delivered. This time I take it out of the box. A second chance burger, second chance burger. It stays together. I can pick it up. It didn't fall apart at all. Everything was perfectly in its place. Again, the coloring red, green colors on the bottom.

The chilies were strong. It looked almost OK. Food like born and get to the point. I'm sorry, it was Christmas on the bottom. I liked it. I'm from a small town in Michigan, whose claim to fame is fried chicken and owning the world's largest Christmas store.

So Christmas, that's kind of down my alley. But back to the food. This time the spice wasn't overwhelming. I could individually taste the hatch chilies. It was it was good. It was complete. Yeah, and I finished it and it didn't burn. Did you get the same side both times?

Same side both times. I'm not even going to mention fries that get delivered because that's not fair. That's fair. But the ones at the restaurant at the restaurant, they were amazing. We actually split them because my undernings were so so much. They were crisp shoestring size potatoes.

They were good. Yeah, I liked them too. And then I guess there's the last element of our meal before we actually give those scores. Dessert. Dessert. The loaded ice cream with cinnamon tortilla loaded is a very bullshit term. It was one scoop of ice cream with four little flaky churro pieces. Which hold on.

Hold on. Also had some chocolate sauce and I think a little bit of caramel or something like that. Maybe not even caramel, but I will say the ice cream and the chocolate sauce were like run of the mill as you can get. It was just like whatever. But those little four churro tortillas were so warm and flaky and delicious that overall it made this underwhelming dessert

actually something I would order again. Have you ever had the churros? There's a churro stain on the Santa Monica Pier. Yes, it was like that. I have made a point to go there like when I'm in the area and if you know what parking is like in that area, it's like a 30 minute commitment to park, walk, get the churro and come back. Those churros are worth it.

They are so good. Can we just go to Santa Monica Pier and review the churro? Oh, no, when we do Bubba Gump, we'll do that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That actually is a great idea. Yeah, I kind of liked it. How the tiny little thing, they just gave us two spoons right away. They gave us two spoons, which barely like they were huge compared

to the size of the cup that we got it in. It was like literally like a to go small soup container is what they put it in. But it was it was a good dessert ish, like part of it was delicious. Yes. And then the rest of it was so. OK, not even. Nothing just so just whatever. Yeah, I think my overall rating for the food.

I mean, my wings were they looked good. I didn't try it, but it looks OK. Here's the thing that this podcast is doing to me is it is actually raising my standards, which is crazy because we're looking for mediocrity. But it is allowing me to not settle for what I think is good anymore. And I think I've been sleepwalking through all these years of being a fan of Buffalo Wild Wings that I didn't really notice that their wings are not great. I've had some really good wings before and these wings weren't like bad

for Buffalo Wild Wings by any means. They were they were right on par with Buffalo Wild Wings. But I realized that the wings of Buffalo Wild Wings, I think now that I'm going into it with a critical mind below average. OK. The cinnamon tortilla, great. The onion rings, greasy and disappointing. The pretzel like an underwhelming pretzel. I think I'm going two thumbs down.

Wow. Wow. Now, me, on the other hand, I initially was automatically like this is a terrible experience. I couldn't even finish the burger, but giving the burger a second chance and actually getting a pristine piece of meat and bun. It was pretty good then. Yeah. And the fries the first time were. I love fries. Mm hmm.

Slightly above average, they kept their texture strongly. They had a little bit of crunch, a little bit of soft grease release, not like your onion rings, but just enough to wet the palate. Mm hmm. So fries would be rated well pretzels. Whatever. When you have stood there next to an old German lady making pretzels and having them straight out of the oven, that just ruins you for life.

Oh, is that you have done that? Yes. Who is this German lady? Actually, my grandmother, who was a German woman, I'm adopted. Oh, I mean, yes, that's how it works out. I know that. You know that. These people don't. These people don't know that. I was 100 percent adopted when it was cool to adopt Asian babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, so I'm going to give it one thumb down overall. OK, well, I think that covers it on food. Garrett, let's go to our final rating. Final rating. I think for me, I had closer to a mediocre time than you probably expect. So, you know, it's not like it was a great experience, but I genuinely don't think it's that far from mediocre. OK, for me, Buffalo Wild Wings gets a 4.61 out of 10.

For me, I gave it two thumbs down, no thumbs and one thumb down. And it was a very enthusiastic two thumbs. Oh, yeah, I never want to return to that specific location again. Yeah, overall, I'm going to give this a 2.51. Yikes. Yeah. So I've very much missed the mark on taking you to a place that is in that four to six range. I overshot it without back.

And it looks like I've undershot it with Buffalo Wild Wings because we average out to a 3.56 out of 10. So I will slap that on the Chachki of mediocrity, and we still don't have anything in that four to six spectrum. So we have definitely not gone mediocre enough. Not mediocre enough. Draw from the bowl. The you must bowl.

Two weeks in a row. Last week, I had to shave this mustache onto my face. Now, what do you have to do this week? Jesus, I must bring a pineapple and ask for a booster seat for. What are you going to name your pineapple, baby? Juicy Junior. Juicy Junior. Are you Juicy Senior? I would imagine it's my pineapple, baby.

Do you want to wear a name tag? No, I'm Juicy. I don't. I really don't. I don't even want to bring a pineapple to the place that I have in mind. I don't know what you have in mind if you win. But regardless, let's play our headline game and figure out what we're going to do next. The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to Garrett that include this week's restaurant.

They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If Garrett can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, he will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps him, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas? I'm ready. All right. So I've got three headlines here with Buffalo Wild Wings on the name.

The first one, Buffalo Wild Wings chemical mixture leaves one dead, 10 hospitalized. Judging from the first burger I ordered, true. Yikes. OK. Buffalo Wild Wings made a B&B so you can sleep inside a restaurant. Ugh, false. You say that one's false. And last one, Big Rat falls from ceiling at Buffalo Wild Wings lands on menu. I'm going to go false on that.

I'd buy it if it were a fish. So you're going true, false, false. Garrett, all three of these headlines were true. What? So you do not get to pick next week. I will be picking next week's restaurant. But to go a little bit further into some of these stories, Buffalo Wild Wings made a B&B so you can sleep inside a restaurant.

That was actually a March Madness, like I don't know if it was like a social media promotion they were running, but they were basically doing a contest. And if you win, you would have a room that opens up into a Buffalo Wild Wings for the I think it's for the duration of March Madness or it was for a weekend. I don't remember. But that is a truly crazy way to spend any time. That promotion was during March of 2020 due to a little pandemic. It never came to fruition.

Thankfully, probably. I just doesn't sound like a good idea. Yeah, but the one that I actually want to read to you is Big Rat falls from ceiling at Buffalo Wild Wings lands on menu. So this actually happened in Los Angeles. So the article says it's from Fox 35, Orlando. This would make anyone lose their appetite. Customers dining at a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant in the Westchester area

of Los Angeles got a big furry surprise when a large live rat fell from the ceiling and onto a table. The customer was getting ready to order when she says she heard something crawling around above her. Moments later, the rat came falling down, quote, unquote, like a Mack truck, landing on top of a menu at the table next to her. The customer who is there on vacation from Texas tells Fox 35. Everyone in the restaurant was in shock.

The waitresses stood off to the side until after the manager picked him up with two plates and dumped him in a bag. That's the sentence that makes me laugh. As unappetizing as it was, the customer says she isn't mad. And the manager comped her and fellow diners meals. But she isn't sure she'll be paying a visit to the restaurant again. She says the manager claimed that recent construction was to blame for the unexpected rodent.

Yeah. So that is the bar that has been set by Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah, so stuff fallen from the ceiling. Very consistent, either a drip or a rat. Don't eat the Sherman Oaks Buffalo Wild Wings. Don't eat at the LAX Buffalo Wild Wings. To be fair, the one in Hollywood's actually pretty good. And the one in Burbank that does it for the headline game.

So since you did not succeed, I get to choose our next pick and get ready. OK, I'm going to be bringing Juicy Junior with me to the Old Spaghetti Factory. I hope they have booster seats. I have so too. I've been wanting Italian food lately. And unlike Outback and Buffalo Wild Wings, which I was apparently way off the mark for, I haven't been to an Old Spaghetti Factory. So I don't know what we're going to expect.

I don't know if this is like an Olive Garden, like kind of lower tier, or if it's going to be closer to like a Magiana's. I've done no research, so I don't know. Like it's spaghetti. I think spaghetti is like a mediocre food. Spaghetti is, I mean, spaghetti is one of my favorite foods. So I might be stacking the deck against myself here. But regardless, the Old Spaghetti Factory, we're coming for you.

Let's do it. So that'll do it for this week's episode of the Fine Dining Podcast, our search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. If you have any suggestions for our You Must Bowl, please email us. These are our punishments for if we miss the mark on mediocrity. If our score falls outside of four to six, we must reach into the You Must Bowl and abide by its punishment. So the only rule is just nothing with like victims,

but we'll make ourselves look stupid. Yeah, remember, it's all in good fun. It's all in good fun. Follow us on Instagram to see pictures of Juicy Jr. in his booster seat, to see pictures of my, you know, ridiculous mustache, my handlebar mustache at Fine Dining Podcast on Instagram. Also on TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. Maybe Juicy Jr. might do a dance for us.

Yeah, maybe Juicy Senior will. Juicy Senior makes no promises. Thanks for joining. And hey, while you're at it. Why don't you go ahead and make it five stars? Good night. Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram. All the socials at Fine Dining Podcast.

We have a website. FineDiningPodcast.com by our t-shirts. Then put them on. And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next. OK, we're going to find it. Media crating the search continues. See you next week. Well, hurt my throat a little.

Have a fine day.