Fine Dining - Zaxbys: Good Egg Rolls, Terrible Fries, Mid Chicken

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

🍗🔥 Zaxby's Review: Fingerz, Wings, and a Whole Lot of Disagreement 🔥🍗 We're back at Zaxby's with Alex Stedman (@alex.paisley.stedman), and this one is...divisive. We did not see eye to eye on a LOT of these items, the vibes were aggressively brown, and one unexpected menu item rose above it all as the most consistent treat. 🍗 Fingerz & Wings Meal with Tongue Torch Sauce Sparks Debate 🍞 Texas Toast Holds It Down (As It Usually Does) for Michael Only 🥟 Veggie Egg Rolls Somehow Become the MVP 🥒 Fried Pickles: Alex Says Nay 🍪 Chocolate Chip Cookie Is Straight-Up Garbage 🍰 Fried Cheesecake Bites with Strawberry Sauce (Alex Only!) 🤠 "Retro Farmhouse" Decor That Feels More Like a Saloon 🎭 Alex's Best & Worst Restaurant Stories: Rule-Breaking Fallout vs. Recency Bias 💬 COMMENT BELOW: How does Zaxby's compare to the other chicken chains? 📢 SUPPORT THE SHOW & JOIN THE COMMUNITY: 🎉 Patreon (Bonus episodes, extended Yelp segments & more): patreon.com/finediningpodcast 💬 Discord (Food talk, memes, cursed Yelp): discord.gg/6a2YqrtWV4 🎥 Watch full episodes: youtube.com/channel/UCLbraNhL6KhDPkdSWt2yiuw 🔗 All links: linktree.com/finediningpodcast 🎤 Guest: Alex Stedman | IG: @alex.paisley.stedman Patreon Producers:Sue Ornelas, Joyce Van, & Robert McLaughlin Patreon Subscribers:David Ornelas, Kellie Baldwin, Jeremy Horwitz, Herbert Amaya, Simone Davalos, Scott Bennett, Amy Reinhart, Josef Castaneda-Liles, & Travis Langley Free Patreon Followers:Joe Warszalek, Lauren Cummings, Grace Krainak, Keri Estes, Robert Duran, Patrick Elliott, Michelle Elmer, Dave Plummer, Nicholas Volney, Michael Gerard, Tracy Molino, Phuong Duong, Tyler Robinson, Brandon Gully, Mason Cruz, Michael Milito, Mez, Aaron Hubbard, Steff, Jewell Hermann, Renae Michael, & Crystal C. 👉 NEXT WEEK: I dive into the history of Tony Roma's with Gabe Legg.

In a world with Bojangles, Raising Cains, and Dave's Hot Chicken, where does Zaxby's fit in? The tongue torch sauce was delicious and the perfect amount of heat, but the boneless wing it was coating was hard, chewy, and all-around insult of textures. The drive-thru line was fast, efficient, and full of people. But the inside of the restaurant was as empty as the first two rows of Jaw Rules concert that 50-cent bought all the tickets to. The egg roll, of all things, impressed me more than the chicken. but the fries were truly some of the worst I've had from a fast food restaurant. With chicken tendies approaching their pinnacle of popularity, Zaxpies has had 36 years to prepare and perfect their recipe.

Do they live up to the hype, or are they just like the letter Z alphabetically? Dead last. We'll find out so very soon. This is the fine dining podcast. Hello and welcome's ready. Take your seat. Hello and welcome back to. To find dining, the quest to compare all restaurants to Chili's. I'm your host, Michael Ornellis.

And by the end of this show, we will answer the question everyone was asking when Severance showed that room with all the baby goats. Is Zaxby's better than Chili's? We met up just outside of Austin, Texas, so that we can actually answer that question. We're going to tell you everything that was good, not good, and just there about our lunch at Zaxby's before scoring it at the end of the episode. And joining me today to discuss Zaxby's is an improvisation. advisor, friend, and while I've only seen glimpses, I think the meme that best represents her is the Elmo on fire meme. It's Alex Stedman. Da-da-da-da-da-da, it's me. Is that an Elmo thing? Yeah. Elmo's world. You don't know

Elmo's world? I do. I'm just... You didn't have a good childhood or... I was more... I got to like Nickelodeon very fast. Like Nick Jr., face. The talking thing that made look like your TV was talking. That's what I was all about. Oh, I didn't know. I don't even know that. We didn't even touch that. You weren't alive at that point. No, I wasn't ready. I wasn't alive. I was baking. I was cooking. I was cooking. I was baking. I was cooking. I was born. I was born. I don't, I washington. I want to be back in. But I was cooking for a long time. I'm like six years older than you. Yeah.

I was just chilling in the womb. Yeah. Let me back in. Am I right? Well, why would I want to leave? And I, it's warm. It's warm.

And I don't want to, I want to be back in. And you still? Yeah. Yeah. It got weird. Appeal to your mom right now. Just make a case. Okay.

Mom, we were together for six years before you birthed me. We bonded more than most children and moms do. And your womb was the warmest. And if I was still in there, I wouldn't eat that much from you. I would just eat the stuff that you don't want to eat and I would digest it for you. And I would tell you funny jokes. I have a follow-up question. Uh-huh.

Her womb was the warmest. How many have you tried out? A couple. Okay. Yeah. Including your moms. Oh, she listens. Sorry, Michael's mom.

She heard that. But I'm sure your womb is very warm. She would like that, right? I guess. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that was an intro.

Let's jump into it. Let's talk about Zaxby specifically all the things that we thought were good. It's going to be a short list. You're in hater mode. I am in Hater mode. I'm sorry. No, you're allowed to be. Or Zaxby's. No, I'm sorry to Zaxby's.

If you didn't like it. Before I learned in the Eat Deeps that they were going for retro farmhouse, house. I wrote saloon. I thought, I mean, there were no saloon doors. So it's like, but even then, what do you call those style of doors? Barn doors. Oh, true. I was, it was really giving me fud ruckers. And I don't, and that's, that's what I was getting, which is not a style of minus like a bad arcade. Yeah. But there was just, there was a couple clocks in there and a couple booths that I was, well, all the booths that I was like, this is just reminded me of like a sad fudruckers. Yeah.

RIP Fuddruckers RIP. I used to really like Fuddruckers. Same. I'd fud up Fuddruckers. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, I did like the theming. Like, genuinely, I wasn't mad. I like a place that commits to a theme. That's fair. But did they commit? I thought so.

Okay. Well, they committed to the color brown. Yeah, I'm like, it was kind of sad. Yeah. It kind of made me sad. As soon as I walked in there, I was kind of like, oh, all the serotonin has left my body. Like, sure.

I agree with that. I guess I'm complimentary of the fact that they picked some theming. True. The execution of it may not go in the good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The letter Z, they love the letter Z. They love the letter Z. It was a lot.

Yeah. Salads, zapatizers. But see, almost like how you, like a restaurant that commits to its theme, you know, physically, I like a theme. I like a menu theme. And if it's, if the theme is just the letter Z, I mean, I'm with it. if you're committing to it and you're making Zoss and salads. Sure.

Yeah. It's memorable. I guess. It's about the only memorable thing. Well, but it's like memorable in a way of like, I mean, I guess no one else would do this, so I'm going to remember it.

Yeah. Well, that's still, that's still something. I don't know. I can respect that more than. Asian Zensation salad. Is that what it was? Yeah, they had an Asian sensation.

Okay. So there is a limit, I'll say. There is a line. Yeah. There's a line. Yeah. The end of the letter Z. They did also invent a bunch of words, like in their signage.

Uh-huh. In their zinage. Should I name my firstborn, Zaxby? It's original. You should. Like, I've never met one. Do it. But like on a dare.

Okay. I want it to feel like a dare. Okay. When I'm having birth, I'll call you and be like, dare me right now. So zest delicious adjectives. Since no one word can truly describe the incredible flavor of Zaxby's food, we made one up. We're whacktastic like that. Wacktastic sounds like a teenage boy.

Wacktastic is scary to me. Also, the marketing is like so early 2000 stuck. They never changed it. Like making up words and making up like and just throwing Zs around or just throwing whatever, you know. Different letters. It's just feeling very early 2000s. Yeah.

So it was silly. I like making up words, but the words they chose to make up, I was like, they're stupid. We can do better. It was silly, though. But again, we're in the good category. Like, I'm reaching for things to compliment. I'm not hating yet.

Okay. I did have a thing that right off the bat I did really like, the strawberry lemonade. This was the right balance of like. sour and tart and sweet. It kind of had like all of those elements. I was very into it. The strawberry was kind of the predominant flavor over the lemon. And I think that's what I want from a from like an infused lemonade. Fair. If you say a strawberry lemonade and it still just tastes like lemon, I'm just like that's not strawberry. That's just lemonade. Yeah. So I thought that was very good. Okay. I liked it. I thought it was good. I don't love sweet.

drinks that are just sugary sweet. So that's like my own bias going into it. And if I'm going to do sweet drink, I lean more like Coca-Cola vibes. I'm just like a little candy boy. And I love that for you. And I love that for you. I can appreciate a lemonade, a pink lemonade. And I had a couple sips. And so that's like the limit of what I'm going to be doing no matter what. And those couple tips were good. Okay. They were sweet. They were good. Yeah. Yeah. They just didn't like rock your world. Yeah. Did you go for it? Yeah. 7.5. Yeah. So that's solidly good. It was good for what I do with that. The difference between us is a 0.5. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. So you were in eight. I was an eight. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And then, yeah, there's not a lot here.

The veggie egg roll. Yeah, the egg roll was like food wise. The only thing where I was like, this exceeded expectation. Yeah. And I didn't even know they had that on the menu until we got there. I looked at it and I was like, okay. I guess we're getting that. And then I went back and looked at the email.

that I had with Craig Majors, my September Gerbracket winner. Oh. When he picked Zaxby's, he said, believe it or not, their egg roll is what I like. Yeah. And I forgot that. We went. Luckily, I got the egg roll. Did he mention the Zalids?

He did not mention the Zag. All right. I'll let it go. Just the Zegrole. Okay. And so I'm so glad we got it because if he had said that in that email, And I just completely ignored and didn't get it. But it just stood out to me so much of like, we got to get an egg roll here.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's right. It was pretty good. But what I wrote with was I dig it with severe hesitance and trust issues. Yeah. Because it's like. Why is it there? Why is it there?

Why? How? This isn't your thing. How did it get there? And so I gave it a 6.5 out of 10. And I think my taste memory of it, if I just. didn't have trust issues is probably a 7.5 out of 10. So that's good.

But like just the fact that I was like, I don't know. Like it just shouldn't. It's like it's like getting spaghetti at Burger King. A hundred percent. Where I would just be like even if it tasted good, I'm like, even a hamburger at Panda Express. I'm like, what are we doing here? What's the vibe? Why?

And honestly, I need the villain origin story of the how. Yeah, because I'm like, we need to do a fact toy episode just on that. because like why is it there? Yeah. And how did it get there? So do you want me to say what I thought about the egg roll or just the good stuff? Yeah. Even if I didn't write it good.

Oh, you didn't write it good? I read it mediocre. Okay. Talk about it later. Okay. It was good though, but. I mean, you can change it. Mediocrely good.

I feel like I had it out of five and I think that's where I would keep it. Okay. Yeah. I had a 6.5 with trust issues, 7.5 if I was naive in the world. Fair. If someone, yeah. But I do think that this was the best food item on their menu. I think I agree.

Yeah. But I don't because actually I put something higher than that. What did you put? Chicken tenders. I did have the chicken fingers in the good. I had them at a six. They tasted fresher than the other chicken, not than other places that do chicken tenders. So I think that's kind of the main thing.

I've had Bojangles. I've had Raising Cains. I've had Dave's Hot Chicken. and I think Raising Cains and Dave's are in a higher tier than Zaxby's and Bojangles. So I may not be the best person for this, but I actually thought that the chicken itself was really fresh. Like the chicken under the tender part was like, I was like, oh, it was tender. Yeah. Yeah, it was tender.

And it also did taste like healthy. I felt like it had a little bit of a textural resistance. Like not rubbery. I'm not using the word rubbery. I think the breading was my problem with. that. I think the breading was rubbery and weird and the texture on the breading was whack as fuck to me. But the chicken itself, because I separated them at one point and I was like, close my eyes, just the meat, just the breading. And I determined that the breading was the problem.

I'm flip from you. I have it in the good because the batter was flaky in like a way that I liked. And I thought that the inside, there was just a little bit too much pushback on my teeth at a point. Yeah, I hate that. I don't know why that's happening. But I still went six out of ten. So it is still in the good. So yeah, I said a 5.5. I think. the chicken itself was good, like I said. And I think it was like uncanny valley of chicken because it was very, it was like, that's why I said there too, I'm like, like, like it looked like not quite taste. If taste, if there's a word for uncanny valley and taste, that's what it was. Because it should have been right, but it was wrong. And I think I determined it was the breading. Yeah.

It was like tacky and just sticky and just, I don't know what you call the inside where they meet, the breading and the chicken meats, but when that's like too thick. Yeah. I don't like it. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I get what you're saying. I don't know how to label that frontier. It's when that frontier is too like, um, musily. So like the, what you, what we would assume is the skin or like the, the moment of adhesion. Yes, the adhesion moment. And when it gets like kind of, and it looks like blue. The event horizon. Yes.

The event horizon on Canny Valley. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Um, I had one other thing in good. Okay. And that is it. How many more things do you have?

good. One other thing and good. For me, the Texas toast, but with a massive caveat. Okay. And that is the strength of Texas toast on its own as a concept, as an idea, is just good. This was not well-executed Texas toast. This is like me negging it into the good. Okay. Yeah. Necking into good as whole areas. Like Texas toast always hits even when subpar. This was subpar Texas toast, but yet Texas toast is inherently good. So I went six out of ten. Yeah, no. I'm going to disagree with you. I'm going to disagree that Texas... I'm going to agree that Texas toast is always good. I'm going to disagree that this Texas toast was good. I said 4.5, so it wasn't horrific to me.

Yeah. But it tasted like elementary school, specifically Texas elementary school, because that's different, Texas toast. Yeah. And I feel like that white bread, it just tastes like the cheapest white bread and the cheapest butter, and that's probably what it was. and like 10 seconds in a microwave, you know? I'm not mad at that. And I am. And I am.

Yeah. Because if I'm going to waste my calories on something like that, it's got to be good. Yeah, I know. I know. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo. Just go sit on a toilet. I know, and I will. Someday.

If you'll ever let me, I've been trying to go to the restroom for years. Nor will my wife be back to this restaurant. What was your other good thing? The ranch. The ranch. The sorority sauce, as my mom calls it. Yeah, so I thought the buttermilk ranch was actually a six. I thought it was decent.

I thought, I mean, ranch flavor is ranch flavor. Yeah, I'm rarely a ranch fan. I'm a ranch girl. So I was into it. I mean, it did taste a little artificial on the back end. Like the aftertaste was a little like, what's going on? But I liked it. Okay.

I would slop it down. Would you shoot it on its own? I've done that before. Ranch is so stinky to do that with. I know. I've done it a couple times. And I did it in an ad once because they made me. In an ad?

Or jack in the box and that ranch is a look. You were in a jack in the box ad and you drank ranch? Yeah. Yeah. Where can I find this? I'll send it to you. Amazing. Not proud of it, but I did it. That's all the good.

There's not a ton. So now we're going to jump into everything that is not good about Zach's beats. This is not so good. I hate what you're about. It could have something brings down the moon. Not. I hated the fries. You did hate the fries, viscerally.

Did you not? I didn't like them, but I didn't hate them. They were too mushy. Yeah. I wrote texture bad, taste good. But like, bland. So bland. And there were Yelp reviews that dared to call them seasoned.

Mm-hmm. Or too salty? Mm-hmm. Well, they must have overcorrected when we went. I went two out of ten. Flavor is not enough to account for just like dry, chalky fries that are under seasoned and bland. So. I don't even know if I think taste was good.

Temperature was good. They were hot. Yeah. I think I feel the way about fries that you feel about Texas. I think across the board, most fries are good to me. If it's a fried potato of some sort, I don't care where it came from, I'm going to eat it. So while it was bad and mushy, I had some more. I kept going back to them.

And I got a couple of the smaller ones were better because they were fried and they weren't mushy on the inside. Alex. Uh-huh. Do you think me hating something stops me from me eating more of it? Okay, fair. Okay, fair. Then you rest your case. I ate several of these fries.

For research purposes. Yeah. No, I, and I do eat. I'm a garbage can as well. I'll just keep going. But I ate it for pleasure, question mark. I think I'm okay with a bad fry. Like, okay, how do you feel about in and out fries?

Classic debate. Well, I just get them well done and they're actually really decent. Hmm. I've never done that. The standard well, the standard in and out fry is like, what am I? Horrible. Using my time doing this for. Thank you.

And that's a fry I will say is bad. And that's about it. Ask for them well done. I don't know you could do that. So that's actually really good to know. And they just cook them because they always undercook them. Wow, Michael, I'm learning a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't know you do that. Okay. So yeah. If you want fast food hacks. I'm like, why am I not coming in you for everything? Hit me up. Okay, I will.

Yeah. Anyway, so those are probably the only fries in my life that I'll be like those are bad and trashy and horrible and I'll never have them. I mean, I still will eat them, obviously, but they're right. So these to me were fine. And I rated them. Can I get your opinion on a place's fries? A four.

A four. I guess that's bad. It's on the cusp of not good a bit. Yeah, what fries are you asking about? Islands. I haven't had islands. I've never been to islands. I love their fries.

What about Jack in the Box? Curly fries. Yeah, they're good. I like them. I hate it Jack in the Box. I'm also sponsored by Jack in the Box. I hate it Jack in the Box. I don't like Jack in the Box.

And yet. They had three items that I loved. The curly fries. Yep. The churro bites. Okay. And they had a Sour Patch Kids Lemonade exclusive thing that was so delightful. Yum.

So good. And that's a full, well-balanced, nutritious meal. No. But it could get you there. That's what the other days of the week are for. Yeah. Podcast days. No.

No. Yeah. I really just, I didn't like the fries. I didn't like them. What did you rate them? I went two. Yeah, that's pretty. And it's like more to make a statement.

It's more of like get your act together. Get it together. It's one of those twos. It's a recoverable too. Seasoning. And just keep them frying a little longer. I think if they just fried them longer, honestly,

the small ones that I had, did you get some of those? Because those were crunching and good. No. Okay. What else do I have? My face got oily immediately. I don't even know if I had ordered food yet.

Yeah. But just like the element of. being in Saxby's. No, it was after I started eating. But, like, my skin is pretty decent in terms of, like... You don't get told that your skin looks like paper because it's so wrinkly? No. Interesting. Just me.

Only one. And sandpaper, by the way. Sandpaper, yeah. Yeah, that's what you know. Yeah, my, like, I don't have a lot of, like, problems usually. Mm-hmm. But there are, and I don't know what the ingredient is. I don't know what consistently which restaurants it is, but there are restaurants that I

start eating their food. Grease. And my face just feels coated. That's going to go ahead and be grease. That's going to go on. And Zaxby's record time. Yeah. Yeah.

They do. They're like the 13th climate. You walk in and it's just grease in the air. Yeah. I agree with that. I mean, I think that's most fast food, though. But maybe that they were beating a record. So it's just like, like, I don't care what's in the food.

If it tastes good, it tastes good. Mm-hmm. But I am physiologically. feeling it. Yeah. You're like growing acne as you take each bite. And I don't love that. And when I immediately clock it, I'm like, okay. Yeah, that's not. That's not good. Yeah. What's something you have and not good? So I just wrote, it feels sad. Yeah. So I think the ambiance, kind of what we said already. Like, it just feels sad when you walk in there. There's a, there's a vibe of grease immediately and sad. Sad grease is what it's giving. And I rated it at a four because I was trying to be nice,

but I really think it was more like a two. Um, I, I, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, big, I'm a tourist, okay? I'm big on vibes. I'm big on ambiance. I'm big on like aesthetics, right? I want my place that I'm in, my spaces to feel like, they don't have to be like amazing, but just like clean and cute and fun. Right. And, um, wasn't getting that. Yeah. They, like I said earlier, they picked a theme. It wasn't necessarily the right choice. And it was brown, right? It was all brown. It was like brown and like light tan. What was the lighting situation? Was it fluorescent or was it dimmer? Do you remember? It was, well, it was, it seemed like it was low. I do, I think it was low, yeah. So, at least they didn't do fluorescent Walmart lighting because that would have really taken me out.

But, yeah, I just, and then it was so empty, and that just makes me sad. And I know that's not their fault and it's different every day. Right. And I don't mind an empty restaurant. Okay. Also, what time do we meet up? Yeah, that's true. It was like the Thanksgiving Saturday.

at like 3. 3 p.m. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Who's eating lunch at 3? That's fair. Who's eating dinner at 3? Yeah.

I had two other things not good. So there was a sign on the wall. Okay. Ambeiance. And what an interesting choice of words they had. There's a picture of the first Zach's location, 1990. And it gives a rundown of like their values and like a little paragraph describing it. Stop me when you hear something, maybe a little, huh, you know?

Okay. Passion. Fanaticism? Boing, bang, wing, wing, wing, wing. That's the second word. There were two people in that restaurant and it was you and me. Family opportunity community. Fanaticism is like, that's like religious extremism is what that is giving.

Yeah. Zaxby's was born out of an entrepreneurial spirit. it with a passion for great tasting chicken. We took the tried and true chicken finger, added some Zaxby's flavor, and quickly made it, quote unquote, famous. I think they had to put in quotes because they didn't make chicken fingers famous. They're getting sued by fame. Every decision, every detail was crafted from a deeply felt passion that doing things the right

way was the only way. No shortcuts, no compromises. It's always been about something more. After all, this wasn't just about serving the best food. It, and then I didn't take a picture of the second half of it. Oh, wait. That's when it explains it all, Michael. It was about family and opportunity in people's dreams.

What started as two guys with a dream has become over 16,000 team members living the dream each day, one for every dollar of the initial investment. Anyways, there's other stuff in that. But like, fanaticism is, like, I think of somebody going nuts. So it's got to be all of the college sports tie-ins that we learned on the last episode. Right. It's got to be that because who's a fan? The restaurant was empty. But I mean, like over a thousand locations.

They do have fans. And like, look, I didn't hate this place. I just had higher expectations of it. And when you're doing fried chicken and especially chicken tenders in a market that does have a lot of competitors. Yeah. I do have higher expectations. And I don't know if it was just the batch. I don't know if it was just the day.

You did say that you felt that the like the chicken itself was fresh. Yeah. You know. So it's not like they're completely lost. And it's not like they couldn't turn it around and like. really fix things. But I do think it needs more seasoning. And there were just many

issues with the consistency of things. Yeah. And the taste in the texture. And the taste in the texture. Specifically, the boneless wings I'll get into in the next segment. My God. But there was an element of hatred in that despite there also being an element of I liked it. So it balances it.

Okay. But which is why it's not in the not good. But for me, it was in the not good. Oh, let's talk about it. Okay. I said rubbery, ew, wing, the sauce is fine and not spicy at all. I'm babyback bitch with spice and even I think it's not spicy. Gross. That's what I wrote.

Okay. So yeah, so from that I'm thinking, well, here are my problems with it. I don't like spicy things. Sue me, I know. And the fact that this was advertised as spicy and I could eat it just fine. It was what third or second from the top on their spice thermometer? Remember we asked her like how spicy is it? And she was like, I guess she said it's not that bad.

Yeah. So she didn't let us. But it wasn't spicy at all to me. Yeah. And then just the, I mean, the whole thing was so bad. It was rubbery. It tasted like what you think a toy chicken wing would taste like if you bit into it, like for a child. Like a Fisher Price chicken wing?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll go into it more in the gist there. I did have one other thing that I really didn't like, though. Tell me. The chocolate chip cookie. Oh, well, and I've got another thing, too. and it's that.

No. Oh, you have another thing on top of that. Did you also have the chocolate chip cookie and not good? You had to have. Yeah, I had the chocolate chip cookie, but what did I read it? This wasn't even chips a hoy quality. This thing was just so texturally wrong and it tasted so not fresh. Like, it tasted artificial.

It tasted processed. I mean, I guess all chocolate chip cookies are literally processed. What? But like most of them taste good in this one. It's hard to fuck up at chocolate. chip cookie. And they found a way. They really, they did taste like chips. Chips Ahoey cookies. And I mean that as an unsolved. But worse. Yeah. Yeah. I went two out of ten on the cookies. A chocolate chip cookie is getting two out of ten. That's so sad. That's an, that's an indictment of Zaxby's.

So I'm just going to say it was also two out of ten. Great. Yeah. I have two more things that were bad for me. You didn't have this because you don't like cheese. Yeah. The cheese bites. Oh, the cheesecake bites. The dessert. Yeah, the cheesecake bites. With like, uh, what was, they had a frosting. There was a strawberry sauce. Dunk. That's right. Okay, so this is what I wrote. The first time I tasted them, this was the first thing I tried out of everything in the meal.

Yeah. My first bite, I ranked it too. Then after we ate all our other things, I think I had calibrated down. Uh-huh. And I had it after as you would a dessert. And I dipped it in the sauce as well, and I bumped it up to a four. So do with that what you will. But now it's sitting at a four with the sauce.

It tasted so artificial because it is. It is. Yeah. The GMOs, I can. could taste them, G, M, and O. And I think the sauce helped it and also hurt because it left like the sugar teeth thing when you have that film on your teeth after you eat a lot of sugar after one bite. Yeah.

That's scary. They scared me, but I ate like two. Yeah. Yeah. And their cheesecake, so I wasn't going to have them. So I didn't speak to that. I have had some very bad strawberry sauces before. The strawberry sauce was decent.

Was it good? Yeah. That's what made it helped it. Yeah. And I will say like, I close my eyes. pretended am I in New York? Could I be at the Cheesecake Factor even? And the answer was no.

But it wasn't enough to stop me from eating a second one. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Anything else are not good? Yeah. Hit me. This means you didn't agree.

The pickle bites. I read it them a one. You rated them a one. Because, well, I don't like pickles. Yeah. So that's kind of the thing. That's going to be a tough sell then. That's going to be hard.

And I just thought that they were just so gross. Okay. They're what came with the ranch, right? Uh-huh. I'm pretty sure they're why we had their ranch. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And the ranch didn't even save it for you? No. Okay.

I think there's something I don't like about their breading. I think we've established. So if you give me something that I don't like and you put it, cover it and something that I don't like, even ranch can't help that. That's a one. That's a one. All right. Yeah. That's all the not good. It's just time for the mediocre. Let's talk about everything that's just there.

This is a weird one. I'm not quite sure what to say about it. But the stuff that is just... So for me, the boneless wings. And I'll tell you why. I liked the tongue torch sauce. Sure, it wasn't crazy hot, but it just tasted good. The sauce.

The texture of the boneless wing was atrocious. This was so like, you know, freezer aisle. It was tough. I'm not texture sensitive. And even I was like, this is horrific. Yeah. Yeah. It was a...

It was a... garbage wing with a sauce that I liked the taste of. It didn't deliver the heat that they wanted or that they had advertised. But I did feel that like it was a comfortable amount of heat. I did feel something. I just enjoyed it. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. But I really like the taste of the sauce.

And the name tongue torch. Tongue is fun. Sounds a little risque. A little scary. Yeah. So for that, I went five out of ten on the wings. probably shouldn't have because the wing

is more important of an element than just the sauce. Yeah, and can I say something? I am not a sauce person which I probably should have like maybe preface

but I hardly do I like sauces besides ranch and a lot of times I eat raw I eat fraze fraws raw fries. Fries are raw fries.

I eat raw fries like sauceless so even if you give me ketchup I'm not going to Oh, I'm I do eat sauces I wouldn't call myself a sauce person. Yeah, because some people are like sauce sluts.

I relate so heavily to what you're saying. Okay. But more on like a I'm a purist in that like a fry shouldn't need a sauce to be called good. And I feel that way about a lot of things. A lot of things that people are saucing up, I could do with or without. And even tacos. Like I never put sauce in tacos. Yeah.

So that wing could not stand alone on its own for sure. And so if I want the sauce, that's like a bad thing. And I wouldn't have needed that to have. happen to me I'm I'm here to judge it as it is yeah so like it had the sauce so I'm judging but yeah I'm totally inclined to agree that like I do think like a tossed wing is a very different thing to evaluate than like a chicken tender that you're dipping that's true or a fry that you're dipping in something or like even burgers I don't like burgers where it's like there's like there's a ranch on it there's a barbecue sauce there's like three things and I was like you're

doing too much I want it raw what does your meat taste like yeah give me your meat raw The fried pickles were just there for me. I thought they were a little tough. Like the pickle itself was maybe a little hard. Yeah, it was like chewy, rubbery. Yeah, but I don't think it was offensive. I went kind of right in the middle. I do like a fried pickle, though.

And pickles, I was not a pickle person for a very long time. And since I started doing the podcast, really? Yeah, so just in the last three years, I've started eating pickles. Because you ate them fried? Or you like, do something just change within you? I think I just started giving them more of an earnest chance to like for me to be okay with them. And I've had pickles that like straight up.

I'm like, this is refreshing. This is adding to a thing. I've had pickles and tacos and hot dog. I have a whole case of pickles on pickles. Yeah. I have a ledger of all the things that I've put pickles on. In fact, I grow pickles now. I think pickles are gross and I try to be open-minded to them and it never happens for me.

cucumbers. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I can't fault someone for not liking anything when I don't like cheese. No, yeah, exactly. But I am, it is curious to me that you have in your adult years later in life become a pickle person because I don't think I've heard of that. So it's giving me hope. I still would not eat like just like, hey, here's a pickle. Like a long. But you would eat it on a burger. Yeah. Yeah. And enjoy that. I would eat pickle coins, the slices. Yeah. I don't even want to be. years. That's too much pickle for me. Yeah. And then the last thing I have in just there was the service. They were literally just there. They were nice. Yeah. But they were just doing a job. They weren't like there to like make the experience like, oh, how can I take this to the next level for you? And I'm not mad about that. I don't care. I'm not like, it's totally fine. Yeah. It's what you

expect. Yeah. Unlike Homeboy in their reviews, it's the expectation is that they're just going to be there. Yeah. Pleasant enough. Yeah. And that's not on that. All right. Um, that's that's all of the elements, we need to put this together into a score. But before we can do that, Alex, this is your first time on the Fine Dining podcast. You haven't been on the illustrious 130-ish restaurant adventure that I've done. No. I'm calibrated. You are.

You are not. No. I want to know what the far ends of your scale is. You're zero and your 10 so that you can properly place Zaxby. Ooh. Somewhere in there. Right. So we're going to jump into the Calibration Station. All right. I'm going to ask you to tell me about your zero and your 10. The best

dining experience of your life at a restaurant and the worst restaurant experience of your life. You can start with whichever one you want, the floor is yours. Yeah, I'm going to start with the worst. I think this is going to sound very elitist and pretentious of me. so just bear with me until I get through the whole thing, okay? All right. Yeah, it's not going to be a good start because it was at the chateau.

Okay. I don't know the chateau. Okay, Chateau Marmont is like very bougie. Oh, Chachon Marmont. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went for my friend's birthday. Yeah. Okay.

And we, I'm going to preface honestly with the things that we did bad. Okay. We did do some things bad. And then I'm going to tell you everything they did. And then you'll understand. Okay. Okay.

So. if you have more than six people, it's a prefix. Yeah. This is my friend's birthday. She wants to not have people mess with that because it's LA. We're artists. It's expensive. So she booked a reservation and I booked a reservation separately for tables of six. Okay, that's on us. Okay, we did that. Wait, so over six. There's a prefix. Over six. So we've grouped two tables of six separately. Okay. All right. So we did that. Oops. Sorry. Sue me. Oops. It's an accident. Oops. It's an accident. I slip in book two reservations. Sorry, but kind of.

Yeah. So, and one was for 545 and one was for 6 p.m. Yeah. So by the way, keep in mind, this is like Luby's dining hour. Like, this is not like prime time for Chateau. And I think it was a Wednesday. So it's not like the weekend. You're defending it.

Because we did do some things wrong and I'll own that. Yep. Okay. So we get there. Already the host is pissed at us. She hates us. Okay. She says there's 12 of us or whatever.

And she's like, why aren't y'all sitting together? And we try to be sneaky about it. but there's also no one at the restaurant right now. So keep that in mind. So it could not be more obvious. It could not be more obvious. But also you're welcome for the service. Right.

You're welcome for the money. Okay. So they're so mad at us and they're fighting us. They're like, you guys can't do this. This is in like our, you know, rules and regulations or terms.

I don't know. So they're basically like trying to get us a table together. And we're just like we simply can't afford a $150 meal per person. Like we're not going to do that. And like she's like a stereotypical. I hate to say at L.A. host who's just like, okay, you know, she hates us and she's making it obvious. So she takes us to our tables and I kid you not, she sits us at one corner of the courtyard, walks all the six over to

the exact opposite side of the courtyard to make a statement. I am so on their side. I know. That is so catty in the best of ways. It's so funny. And here's the thing. I could have gotten, I honestly could have gotten behind it and been like, whatever. If it wasn't my friend's birthday and she wasn't like being so reasonable and nice to them. She was like pleading. She was like, what if I, and honestly, she was willing to pay for half the dinner for everyone, which we were like, you're not doing that on your birthday. Yeah. It's just hard in LA when you've got a mix of incomes, a mix of friend levels. And like, she's an artist, a successful artist. So like she could, I don't know, I feel like she was just looking out for people who couldn't do that in the group. And she was explaining that to the

woman. She's like, look, like, can I just do like half of, I don't know. She was trying to negotiate. And I think it was just that the host was so like. Dead set on giving her the bad experience. experience because of what how you all approached it. Yes, exactly. And just like, that's kind of how they are. Like, they're not known for service. Like, they kind of are just like, you get what you get. Yeah.

They're French. Hmm. Theme themed. They are French. But like, but, yeah, it was just like obnoxiously like you guys are going to suffer the consequences. And the service from there on out was horrible. And I've been there.

From there on out. From the beginning. From the beginning. I just mean like maybe the waiter. was nice, maybe like a bar genders nice. They had gotten the memo to treat us like shit and I saw it happen. Like there was some code language that happened because when we went up to the first waiter, because they have like at the chateau, it's weird. They have a bunch of waiters who just kind of like sideline like they're benched almost. Yeah. But they will pop in and out, but they're just always

accessible. I had asked him very nicely, hey, is there any way we could like sit near each other? And he's like, yeah, no problem. The host went and talked to him and he was like, he like turned on us. And he was like, no, you guess it. Like he went from being nice to hating our guts. And they like all got on board with that. The service was crazy. They were so slow. Mind you, we are the only people there. So like, I get it.

But also like, come on. Yeah. So it was literal spite. Yeah. It was like they probably spent in our food and we ate it. And it was like, oh, can I get the tuna tartar? And she was like, you know, the tuna tartar is like literally tuna. And I'm like, yeah.

And she's like, that's all you want. And I was like, oh, I'll get a salad too. And she's like, and that's it. And I'm like, do I need to order more? And, like, they were just, like, judging our every, like, they just hated us. Then at the end, they said, no, happy birthday. We had brought a cake. They didn't bring it out.

They never once acknowledged, like, yeah, they didn't do anything special for her birthday at all. Yeah. And then when they dropped out this check, one of the girls had made a comment to the way they were like, hey, it's her birthday. Like, could you bring something out, blah, blah. And she's like, no, we don't do that here. They do do that there. I've been there before where they've done that. Uh-huh.

When she brought out the check, she was like, happy birthday. And like, full vocal fry and just was like, and like shoved it shoulder checked her and just in the most like LA like yeah and just like that was the happy birthday wish and then I think it was also colored by the fact that our stay there was also we made a lot of enemies um some of that might have been our fault as well anyways it was just like a horrible experience and I think I just felt for the birthday girl and that because she just was like oh I thought this would be like a fun bougie experience for everyone and it was just so tense and not fun for anyone and slow and expensive it's just great with you.

when you spend like $1,200 on a meal you did not like or enjoy. That's, yeah. So far. I get why that would be a zero. Yeah. All right. A 10. I want to hear your best.

I was thinking about this and it's so hard because I've had so many tens. So I just went with a 10 that I had today. Sounds like my dating life. No, literally. Is that okay? I literally had a 10 today. It was so good that I started writing a Google review. So just be like this is the best place I've ever been.

Yeah. So I walk into this coffee shop. called soupa. Have you been? No. I don't drink coffee. Oh, but they have other things than coffee, and I'll tell you about it. They got a chocolate croissant. Yes, they have a chocolate croissant, and they have egg bites, and they have almonds, and I think they have almonds, and they have toast. Texas toast. I was like, you're trying to sell me with like, they have toast. Yeah, they have toast. They have bread and they like a toast. They got toast. Avocado. No, I walk in. I think also my expectations were so low because I was like, I'm just going to get a coffee and leave. I stayed there for three hours. I have my laptop.

with me. I just stayed and enjoyed. First of all, the nicest people I've ever met on the face of the planet. Like, they are so nice and so cool that they greet me like they know me. They're like, hey, what's up, welcome? Like, da-da-da. And then she's like being so accommodating because I Frankenstein my drinks a lot of times. So I wanted like a cold brew latte situation. And she was like, she added things. She was like, yeah, let's do this. Let's do that. I'll comp you for that extra milk or whatever. I was like, okay. So we're in love. And then we basically, engineered my drink and it was perfect. It was the best drink. And I was like, I'm kind of hungry, but I'm not going to eat anything here. I'm not joking. Three people, three girls come in and there,

it's like cheers. Hey, what's up? The guy comes out of the kitchen. It's a small place. Yeah. Also, I'm big on seating and I'm big on like, do you have good music, good vibes, a laptop, accessible, charging. Yeah, I need my, my things. It was a, I sat on a couch with the perfectly ratio positioned, like, I need my, I need to not. look down to my laptop if I'm working on it. I need it to be like, yeah, and it was perfect. Okay, so everything's perfect. Energy's flowing. The sun is shining. Birds are chirping. These three girls walk in. They order their usual. I'm not kidding. Everyone who walked in said the usual. Like it is a neighborhood spot. And I just like stumbled upon this gym. So they're all there.

And then we start talking to the four of us. Then a guy comes in. He goes, my classic cold brew and egg bites. And I look up and he goes, see, she's looking. You want to know about the egg bites? And I'm like, yeah, tell me about the egg bites. He sells me on the egg bites. He's just a customer. And then He knows these girls. And then an old man comes in and he knows everyone there. It's like cheers. It was the cheers of coffee shop. And this went on for like everyone who walked in there was like, like I saw somebody who was like me who I don't think had been there before.

Yeah. And walked in and was like, wow, everyone's so friendly and nice and said that to the person, the barista. And the brista was like, said something. And then they gave her a tip. And she was like, oh, thank you for the tip. And she was like, you deserve it. Of anywhere I've been today, you deserve it. It was like comically joyous.

I don't know. Then I got the egg bites. Michael. Alex. The egg bites were so fucking good. What are egg bites? Right. Okay.

So Starbucks has sad egg bites. They're just like tiny little bites of egg. You've seen those. You know what that is, right? Yes, yeah. Just a little bite of egg. This was like a box full of, they like made three giant ones and chopped them. So it felt like a lot.

And then they put, well, you wouldn't like that. But it can come cheeseless. You can get it. You can get it with or without cheese. I got it with cheese and thank God I did because this was some of the best cheese. I was thinking about how much you would hate this cheese because it was so good. It was so good. Yeah, it was just like flavorful filling.

I had it for all the way until like 4 p.m. It was filling me up. I don't know. Everything was just so good and perfect. Okay. So that's my 10. Supa. So somewhere between being hated.

And the grossest positivity I've ever heard of Yeah Is our meal at Zaxby's. Yeah. We got to put it to the Chili's Test. I want to like every new place or will it frame? Isn't the worst, it's the best. Let's put it to the Chili's test.

I want to like every new place I try. Every chain that I go to that is one that I have heard of but haven't had before or haven't heard of. And I'm like, oh, what's this? I want to love it. Always. And I think chicken tenders are just, they're having their moment in the sun. Everyone's loving chicken tendies. Everyone's all about it.

When did they stop? You know? And like, I think it's just our generation kind of embracing like, it's okay to just enjoy the things you enjoyed as a. kid as an adult. Yeah. So to have a place like this that is so reliant on it and they're trying to tap into that childlike wonder, all the zies, salads, zapatizers, whacktastic, yeah, yeah, zest delicious, all this stuff, you know.

But it's hollow. And by that, I mean, look, their heart's in the right place, but their execution is lacking. Mm-hmm. Egg rolls are the best food. I admit it. They are. That's whacktash's. But, whacktastic?

It is whacktastic, you know? I think your chicken tenders should far and above be the best thing on your menu. You made a cookie bad. Yeah. Your Texas toast, your mileage may vary. is only fine because Texas toast is, not because yours is. Like, their take on everything was a lesser version than the best take on those things. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And I really wanted to like it. I love fried chicken. I love chicken tenders. Same. I love boneless wings. The textures were off. The fries were bad.

Brown? Everything's brown? Everything's brown. The food, the vibe. the restaurant. 3.69. Yeah. Nice.

Yeah, nice. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother. Okay. Yeah. I think I walked in and immediately was underwhelmed. But I said, the chicken could surprise me. You were like, oh, Michael's here.

I was happy until I saw you. It was very weird seeing an L.A. friend just like, oh, we're in Texas. We're in Texas now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, well, the food could surprise me. Because I also love a chicken tender.

That's like, I mean, that's a staple. So fucking good. I don't love a wing, but I love a chicken tender. And I love a fry. And I love a cheesecake bite in theory. Underwhelmed. In fact, disappointed. Yeah.

So I think it is hard for to mess up a chicken tender, I think, because most of the time I'm just going to, I probably wouldn't be like so aware to judge it as much as we were given like the context of what we're doing. But I think I still wouldn't have like eaten the whole thing, which is saying a lot. Yeah. Because I like to eat food. Taurus, I remember. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, I think between the service, which was just exactly what you said, it was fine, the food, which was lackluster, big on ambiance. The ambiance could have saved it for me to make it mediocre, but it. Yeah. Wamp, womp. So I'm going to give it a 3.84. 3.84. When you put your score together with my score, Zaxby's is going to go up on the Chotchkey of Mediocrity at a 3.6. 7-7.

One-100th better than Golden Corral. Oh, and exactly. If you would have asked me that question, I would have said, yeah, one-100th better than Golden Corral. Yeah. Which means Zaxby's is officially. Not as good as Chili. Not as good as Chile.

Objectively not so good. And it's not. And it's not. Honestly, this is like the perfect home. I feel very good about where she lives. I feel like that's perfect. Right. Yeah.

I would take the Xxby's over a sizzler. Yeah, but less than a Cheddar's. I would rather go to Buffalo Wild Wings, but these are averages. My score for Buffalo Wild Wings was higher. That's true. Yeah. I feel so good about this. Thank you because some people don't believe that.

Jesus. Oh, White Castle being trashed. Yes. It's so bad. It's so bad. That actually should be my zero for my calibration, but I already did mine. Well, you've never been to a White Castle where they seated you in an opposite corner from your friends.

No, I haven't. In fact, White Castle is giving Castle run for its money. Chateau is actually not. So there's something there about Chateau and Castle. Sure. There is. Yeah, I'll believe it. I just need to think about it. And then tomorrow, I'll remember.

I need to go somewhere next week. Mm-hmm. Because, look, do you see every restaurant ever on this? No. No. All right, I got to find another one. That's exciting. So next week on the podcast, I will be going to,

Tony Romas Alex thanks so much for coming Thanks for joining me I'm so glad that you happen to be in Texas while I was and we were able to do this You mean that you flew me out And paid for the ticket And then paid me to be on the podcast

And then with all the money you have from The podcast from The big investor Goldman Sachs Yeah Yes that was a long time ago That was a long time ago JK

Thanks for how having me, I mean. This is the fifth episode I've recorded today. Yeah, well. I am tired. Yeah, you're tired. And this is the sixth child I've had today. So I'm also tired.

You are a midwife. I'm a midwife. Wait, no, a surrogate. Yeah, and a midwife. And I'm currently pregnant. Yeah. Thank you for having me. This is so fun.

With twins. Yeah. And I'm going to name them Zaks and Bees. Yay. Zach will do fine. Bees are, why bees? He's going to be fun. funny. He's got to be. He's got nothing else going for him. He needs something. Yeah.

His dad and I are worried. Tell people where they can find you on social media. You can find me on all social media, including Spotify, at Alex with an X, period. Paisley, P-A-I-S-L-E-Y, period. Sted-E-D-M-A-N. Amazing. And you can follow this show on TikTok and Instagram at Fine Dining Podcast. You can join my Discord server. If you want to come chat with me, talk about restaurants, talk about your pets, talk about board games, talk about pro wrestling, talk about video games. I've been playing Donkey Kong Bonanza a lot lately. Whoa. It's fun.

It's fun. Yeah. And then if you want to support the show, I have a Patreon and you can get an exclusive episode every single month. You can get extended Yelp from Stranger's segments. And I'm doing a new segment where I just talked to my guests asking what their restaurant rotations are. So join me there. It all supports the show. And whether or not you do, I appreciate you.

That's another one in the books. Thanks so much for your restaurant suggestion, Craig. I owe you a rap song about Taco Bell. So stay tuned. In the meantime, I'll see you all next week. Have a fine day. Well, there's another one in the folks. We judge the service up to the cooks.

And while we may have gotten a couple of dirty love, know the journey can't. never stop. Not from the bottom down to the top. We got a new and more and everything's on lock. And that's because chill is to live. It's a main core feed the lock for what things up on the charge. Folks and we will see you next a week and next week, baby.