First Things First - EMERGENCY POD: The 5 Stages of Patriots Grief

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

The Patriots lost to the Seahawks, and Kevin Wildes is taking it about as well as you'd expect. Wildes goes through the 5 stages of grief, tells Drake Maye to go to his room, and explains how one brutal Patriots loss can completely derail your night. Plus: the story of his dog getting sprayed by a skunk, because apparently Wildes hasn't been through enough already. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From morning hockey with a cup of coffee to Timbits and road trips. Tim's and Canadian tire have always gone together. Now it's official. You can now earn Canadian tire money at Tim's. Link your Triangle Rewards and Tim's Rewards accounts to earn twice with every Tim's run. Terms and conditions apply. Visit Tim Hordens.ca. slash triangle for details. When Westcham first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different.

People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us

and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. All right, welcome to the Kevin Wilde's podcast network, an emergency episode of, hey, what's going on? Patriots lose week one. bit of a dual prong content here. I will tell you the stages of grief that I've been going through

and also a story about my personal life while I was going through those stages of grief that Drake May's decision making is responsible for. So we'll pick this story up in about the fourth quarter. Now, fun fact, this is from Josh. our researcher. If you're up at least 10 to nothing with under 20 minutes left in the football game, in the last 50 years, you have a 95% chance of winning that game. Teams are 1,162 and 64. So my wife, although she didn't, I don't think she knew that stat off the top of her head, at some point said, I'm going to go to the U.S. Open later this week. I'm going to go to bed.

I say, okay, please let the dogs out before you do. She says, okay, we'll do. I hear the door open. The dogs are out. Now, the caveat to this story is that I have two dogs. One dog who is partly a human being, partly a Bernice Mountain Dog, partly a poodle. So Bernie's Mountain Dog, but again, one part human being. to the point where, and I don't know where you stand on reincarnation,

but God had a guy who loved dogs. Said, hey, I'm going to send you back down to Earth. What do you want to be? I was like, I'll be a dog. He said, boom, okay. He's got the fur, got the tail, the paws. And then all of a sudden, God had to go do something else. And my current dog is there talking to God.

God's assistant. Do you think, is God coming back or, I don't know, I think he said you're ready to go. He's like, I'm definitely not ready to go. I have a human brain in like human being eyes in like a human being's personality. And the guy's like, well, you got like a tail and, you know, a long tongue, like you are furry. I think you're ready to go. He's like, I'm not ready to go. And then bam, the guy is born.

in Massachusetts and a Bernadoodle, and now I've got them. That's my dog, Rocket. I have another dog, Annie. Annie is also a Bernadoodle. Annie's nickname is Misbehavior. She's a naughty dog. She's got two different color eyes. She's stunningly beautiful.

She has pretty privilege. She does whatever she wants. When the two dogs go outside, Rocket, who would prefer probably to go to the bathroom in the toilet, quietly goes to the bathroom and then comes back and sits there and just waits for you to open the door. He's always the first one in. Annie will be out digging a hole in the yard at nothing, just digging a random hole or running down the street after a leaf or she'll come back with a piece of cellophane in her mouth. Like, well, what I got?

An old one of those, an old solo cop. I'm like, thank you, Annie. You always have to call her. So I'll end that story there and start to tell you about the story. show. The first thing that happened. The dogs are still outside at this point. Drake May has thrown his third interception of the fourth quarter. First stage of grief. Shock. I just can't believe that you did that. To the point, and John, I know you're not a parent yet. But when you are a parent, you don't go to Dr. Spock's parenting book every time something happens.

You have a handful of quick responses, you know? Boom. You know, the kid, one of my sons punches the other son. Don't do that. You're not thinking. You're just responding to behaviors. This is true. And there's just something's Pavlovian going on in my brain about parenting.

This is a true feeling. as soon as I saw Drake May throw his third interception when we could have just gone to overtime in one and all he just drove the field my first thought of watching Drake May was go to your room I'm not Drake May's I'm not related to Drake May I'm not even in Seattle but that was triggered in my brain you did something unacceptably wrong

it's not a deal breaker by any stretch but I'm disappointed in you go to your room That was my first thought. I filed that under shock. I thought I was Drake May's parents. Then obviously, very quickly, denial. The classic. You're out of bounds.

You're out of bounds. You didn't get your feet in. He got his feet in. Timing issues? I don't even know. Western Michigan thing. What do you mean, Western Michigan thing? Too much time?

None of it makes sense. That wouldn't even benefit you. Back to the dogs. The dogs now are outside, and I know they're outside. The kids have gone to bed. Now it's just me. I've got to let the dogs in. I'm not ready to yet.

Because now I'm at anger. Whose fault is this? How could this happen? That's what the Internet says. The stages of grief are. I'm at anger. First one. And he played great.

To the point, Gianna, and this is not cool, as I'm on my trek for 100,000 Instagram followers, which is really just a bet I have with my son. I wasn't going to do this, but I crossed my mind. I was going to say, I'm going to take my shoes off and walk around the yard, like Matt Collins. You know, Matt Collins is a big fan of being barefoot and connecting with the earth, which I don't know if that's a conspiracy theory, but I do like that idea. People who just walk around barefoot are just in better moods.

Now, they might be in better climates where you can just walk around barefoot, but just generally, like the guy who wears shorts all the time, kind of like more of a climate thing, probably. I'm at Matt Collins. I'm mad at poor Matt Collins. I'm like, you got to play defense. He doesn't. He's trying his best.

Then I'm mad, obviously, at Drake May, who I've sent to his room, about to take away to his game boy. Then I'm mad at Josh McDaniels, where I'm mad at the play call. I also have a theory about Josh McDaniels based on an old truck that I drove this weekend. So last weekend we went out to see my in-laws, and they've got an old truck, an old Ford Ranger. And obviously it doesn't have a backup camera. It's an old Ford Ranger. Very old.

And I found myself backing up, and I grew up without backup cameras. They're a moderately new thing. And I'm backing up blindly. Like looking, I'm looking at the. air conditioning thing. What are you doing? Turn around. But I've become so used to. Most of my driving at this point has had a vehicle with a backup camera. And I just forget the basics. Part of me wonders, did Josh McDaniels become so used to an advanced version of a quarterback and Tom Brady that had a backup camera, for example, just more advanced, that he

forgot to remind just a regular old quarterback, hey, don't throw an interception here. So I'm mad at Josh McDaniels. Then I'm mad at Mike Vrable because we didn't play in the preseason. He came out with a quote. It's like, well, if we played against the Eagles backups, that doesn't, I'm like, I know Mike Vrable, but I got to be mad. I'm just mad. And in this anger, you should never start making decisions because your thought process is clouded.

Like, I got to go to bed. even though I'm mad. I got to let the dogs in. I go there. It's just Annie. Oh, where's Rocky? Probably didn't go out. Loves my wife to death.

So he probably just went upstairs. He'll just be like, I actually don't need to go to the bathroom. I'm fine. I'll go. I'll just, I'm actually going to grab a shower and go to bed. So Rocket is upstairs in his bed. Annie's here, naughty, like wet. I'm like, why are you wet?

What were you rolling in? I let her in, close the door, shut the lights off. Go to bed. Bargaining stage. What can we do? What can we trade off? Should we trade for Max Crosby?

That's the plan. Go all in. Drake is on his rookie contract. Trade for Max Crosby before the Raiders game, but then make a promise that he won't play. against the Raiders. How about that? Or maybe after the Raiders game, or when we play the Raiders have a meeting and be like, hey, can we have Max Grosby? How many picks do you guys want? He's not on

Mendoza's time frame. So I'm going through all of this in my head. And while I'm doing this, I smell a skunk. I hear barking outside. It sounds a little bit like my dog. But again, I'm in sort of a sleepy haze of depression and I'm going through my grief, you know? I said, I think that's rocket to myself. And my wife says, I smell a skunk. Now, my wife has a great sense of smell and I do not. I thought I did. Turns out I don't.

I go downstairs. Poor rocket is sitting there. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Drake Mays got me all frazzled. I left you outside for a good two hours and he had to bark he doesn't even like to bark he's a nice guy like what's going on he's like oh I got to just spray by a skunk a little bit like well you're not that bad this is the second time he got sprayed by a skunk um but I see and he doesn't smell that bad at all I'm like thank goodness because

it could be on a disaster I take him upstairs I went like did he get spray I'm like no he goes to his bed of course he got sprayed I like oh shoot I can't smell I guess I don't have a bad since smell she starts washing them with the with the skunk spray where in my the only shower room with the you know the hose thing not every shower has one of those we're hosing them off and I'm sitting there patiently my wife is now up showering the dog that I didn't bring in and she's trying not to be mad at me because the dog is scared so she's trying to keep the energy like calm around the dog he's like it's pretty by us go she's like it's okay but she's I know that she's mad at me I deserve to be

at it but do i what did i do i didn't throw an interception in the fourth quarter when the game we had a chance die so i'm like it's not my fault it's drake may's fault she it's obviously my fault depression the next morning i get up i'm like i'm in a bad spot kids are still upset my wife's quietly upset i'd rather just be actually upset and i cost her valuable sleep the dog's wet it's all my fault it's basically it's like power ranking people's whose fault it was skunk number one rocket number two, me number three

but probably number once it's on the only human being on the list. I hop on the old bicycle Gianna. Is that a personal record? Yeah, that's what I tweeted. A little Strava record for the K-Man. But that was a little silver lining, you know?

And then finally, here's where we're at. Acceptance. Maybe we're just not good this year. I just have to accept that. Super Bowl hangover is a real thing. I was drunk as a skunk last year and now, hey, now it's due. Grab some Gatorades. Grab some Tile and all. Lay out. Throw on Shawshank Redemption. You're done for this year. It's on the board. I have to accept it. Super Bowl losers in the rematch the next season. Patriots lost, the Chiefs lost, the 49ers lost.

The Eagles beat the Chiefs. Falcons, Panthers, Broncos, Patriots, they all lost the last 30 season. And if you lose, the 25 Chiefs law, they went 6 and 11. They missed the playoffs last year. The 22 Bengals. They lost week one, but they went 12 and 4.

The 49ers, you know, whatever. Yeah, just pulled a full screen back. I'm still in this stage, okay? I'm still in the sad phase. The positive angle of the acceptance is, A, Mike Vrable turns out loses week one. I don't know why I didn't know this. I've been prepping for week one for Mike Vrable for two years.

This is what he does. The guy just likes to lose week one, fix it on the fly, and has had some good teams because of it. So this is what Mike Vrable does. And, of course, there's a famous Patriots game where we lost to the Bills 31-0 and we ended up winning the Super Bowl.

So maybe this is actually good for us. Maybe we circle the wagons. say, hey, we played the champs close. Let's all get together and be better just like I was with my, you know, bicycling on Strabo. We can actually take this pain and turn it into something positive. So there you go. I've gone through all the stages of grief. My dog will smell like a skunk for a while.

I'll be honest with you. I'm surprised I don't smell like a skunk today. but I'm not ruling it out that I was in such a bad mood that perhaps people were just being nice to me all day and they didn't want to tell me. Wilds, you and your Patriots stink. This family is on the brink of civil war on September 18th. Mobland. The hit original series is back on Paramount Plus. We are the herigans. Don't know the net? And Google us.

From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I won't comment. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren. Do I have to do everything myself? You want a more! I'll give you a lot! New season hits September 18th on Paramount Plus.