Football Daily - Exclusive: Mary Earps on life in the spotlight, fertility and recent reactions to her book

Episode Date: November 8, 2025

Mary Earps is speaking for the first time since extracts of her book were released over the first weekend of November before the full autobiography comes out on the 6th.Emma Sanders sat down with Mary and spoke about the immediate reaction and how she's felt since those extracts were published.Mary opens up about her relationship with Sarina Wiegman after announcing her retirement before the Euros and opens up about life off the pitch, being in a same sex relationship and the process of freezing her eggs, which she has not discussed publicly before.If you've been affected by the issues in this podcast, you can visit https://www.bbc.co.uk/actionline for help and support.Timecodes: 03:30 Early experiences of bullying 09:30 Having panic attacks 13:05 Struggles with body image and eating habits 18:40 Time in Wolfsburg 26:00 Wages in WSL 28:40 Her relationship & sexuality 32:30 Recent reaction to the books extracts 36:30 Relationship with Sarina Wiegman 50:10 Change in the women’s game & fame 54:15 Freezing her eggs 57:30 Manchester United

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. The Dakar Rally is the ultimate off-road challenge. Perfect for the ultimate defender. The high-performance Defender Octa, 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine and intelligent 6D dynamics air suspension. Learn more at landrover.ca. This is the Football Daily podcast on BBC Sounds. Well, Mary, thanks so much for joining us.

It's so nice to see you again, and congratulations. The new book, it's an exciting time. Yeah, it's a crazy time. I hope people will, yeah, give it a fair chance, and I think there's a lot of really great messages in the book. I wrote it because I hoped that it would be, inspirational to at least one person in some way i think my career path has not looked very typical at all and i think it crosses over to a lot of i mean i think women in general um women in business

women in different kind of industries um and i think that yeah i hope that people see it in its entirety and um yeah i think it's unusual i think it's unusual for a current player to do a book i think Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, you're sort of, you know, touched on it there in terms of why you wanted to write the book. Why did you want to release the book now? Was there a specific reason around the timing? Not really. I think the opportunity arose and it's arisen a few times, but I never felt like maybe I'd done enough in my career to write a 350-page book.

And I think typically players write books at the end of their career. and I've sort of experienced in the last 24 hours why that is the case. But I think it just felt right in the moment. I think it's hard to pinpoint an exact thing. And I felt like it was, yeah, an opportunity to give my perspective on a lot of different things that have happened in my life and career. Yeah, and you mentioned this. experiences in the last 24 hours and we'll come on to that but you start your

story by talking about growing up and you know some of the challenges that you had during your during your school years and yeah you know you speak very openly very candidly about about the bullying that you had yep I wonder how those experiences maybe influenced how you acted or thought in in other situations throughout the rest of your life yeah I think I've been really open and vulnerable about so many different topics in the book and to be honest i think people will even though i've done a lot of interviews and across my career um i think there'll be a lot of new stuff in there that

people didn't know about me i've ummed and hard about whether to do the book in the first place and because i felt it would require a real like if i'm going to be honest and unapologetic and that's what i'm known to be it would require a level of honesty and rawness that was going to make me feel really uncomfortable, writing it, to be honest, and we'll probably divide opinion in other ways. I think the bullying chapter was really hard for me to read back, actually. It wasn't so hard to speak about, because I've had therapy and kind of worked through some of the things. But it was really challenging to read back, and I narrated the audio book really recently. And again, chapter two, I was like, heavy.

it takes you back to that time so I think it probably planted a seed that I didn't stand up for myself back then and I think that my life has been about trying to find that strength to stand up

for myself in different ways you know kind of protecting your own peace and being authentic to who you are standing up for what you believe in even if you have to stand up alone and I think that yeah I'd probably be like in my childhood because of that has probably really like led me to where I am now in a lot of ways it sounds like quite an

isolating experience particularly for someone so young right and I wonder when you're then learning those challenges and you know trying to find yourself how did you think that maybe impacted your footballing career and did it have a significant impact do you think yeah I think I just assumed that people didn't like me for most of my life and career. I think I found it really challenging in team dynamics because I just went in always assuming that I was kind of conditioned to feel like no one really cares if you know what I mean.

So I was quite withdrawn in that sense. And I think people don't associate that with me because I have such a big personality that they can't imagine me being like quite get on with your job and go home type thing. Because I assumed, I just, I guess I had this thing that I just assumed that, yeah, like, I was used to not being liked in that sense. And if I spoke, then people would pick on me. So I just kind of got used to be in quiet unless I was in an environment where I felt really comfortable to be myself.

Yeah, and you sort of speak there, I guess, about feeling you were maybe socially different to others. And I wonder when you talk about some of the coaches that you worked alongside and maybe that, the way that they reacted to that. Yeah. How did that make you feel in those moments? I think that I felt really misunderstood quite a lot and I didn't understand like, why is this person reacting to me in this way? But I also think as I grew older and yeah, obviously self-development, self-growth, I recognized

that, or I could recognize that it's because of, because you're not being open, because you're not being vulnerable, people think that, people think this about you. And whether that conclusion is correct or not, I think all you can do is be responsible for the part you play in that conclusion. Like you can't, yeah, you, you can't, like, control what conclusions people draw. If people don't like you, they don't like you, right? And I know I've not always been everybody's cup of tea and that stands to this day. But I think that now I feel like, because I, I, I think a lot of it was because I didn't feel confident enough to express my opinion. So because of that, I was very, yeah, like, yeah, okay.

And I think people took that as, like, I knew it all and that I was arrogant. And I think that was my biggest frustration as a kid is, like, I care about this game so much. Like, I'm literally willing to work so hard at it, do the extra reps, extra miles, extra hours, whatever it was. You know, my dad used to, like, tell me, I don't know why, but he used to say to me, you need to run like a six minute mile. I don't know why that was a thing. And as a goalkeeper, I definitely don't need to be able to run a six minute mile,

but it was like, you know, a parent thing of like setting me a challenge and then my brother was similar in age to me and he was getting to a point where physically he was like more capable than me, right, as a man or as a boy, nearly a man. And I think that like I would just do it. I would, right, cool, it's a challenge.

It will make me fitter. What's the worst? It's going to make me fitter as a player, as an athlete. So, yeah, I think to answer your question, I just felt quite misunderstood. And I think I tried, as I got older and had these experiences, realized that from vulnerability comes strength. And when you allow people in, I think maybe people were frustrated that I had like, they thought I had deliberate walls up. And a lot of them were just accidental or a consequence of things I'd experienced already. Yeah, and you move on from kind of talking about those experiences to.

how it led to panic attacks, which I think, you know, those chapters in the book are quite striking. What were those experiences like for you in the moment, but then I guess also the reaction from coaches? And there was almost like a description where it felt you were maybe emotionally manipulated by coaches in a way that maybe led to those panic attacks. Is that, is that fair? No, I mean, we wouldn't say that. I think that I didn't know what panic attacks were for the longest time. It wasn't until I got into my later adult years. And I think they were, yeah, they were obviously a response to things that I was experiencing or thinking and mulling over in my mind. And I'm a big, yeah, overthinker. Like I consider so many

different things and scenarios and drive myself crazy with it because I genuinely care. And I think that I think that, you know, sometimes you, yeah, you experience these things and for the longest time, like, it was very much behind closed doors and then there was a period where, you know, there was a couple that weren't behind closed doors and I felt really embarrassed by that and what have you. And I think in general, like at that time, like I had incredible support from Ian Wilcock, who's the goalkeeper coach at Manchester United, who like immediately like got it. And, which was, I think, really, really nice. I think maybe some people around me didn't

because they wouldn't associate me with... And I think that's when you're a big personality or you are perceived to have a big personality. And I think there's this conversation in the book of, like, extroversion and introversion. And, like, I can be very extroverted. On the pitch, people see me and I'm very expressive and I'm passionate.

And people think that I'm, like, that 24-7 and that's not the case. Yes, I do laugh and be. joke but also sometimes like you know if I'm on England camp I'm just going back to my room I'm watching my series and that's it and that would be the running joke with the girls like oh back back to your room chilling and you know that's how I recovered and yeah got my energy as well from from kind of relaxing so I think people don't when people don't associate with you they're like what what's going on but I was surrounded you know very lucky that I'm

surrounded by incredible people who helped me navigate it yeah I mean I've seen first-hand some of your, your celebrations. It's great. You speak as well throughout the book about your competitiveness and you've, you know, you've said that there. And naturally in football, you know, there'll be setbacks. You've had setbacks in your career, which you've spoken about in the book. How would you describe your handling of those setbacks? Because they're never easy situations, are they? No, I think I handled them the best that I could at the time. I think that I was able to somehow use them positively whatever happened and I think that's a testament to my resilience and that's what I guess I was trying to convey in the book is there was a lot

of times I had setbacks and I thought there's no way out of this situation like all I can see is darkness like I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel and it's important to just try to show up in those moments and keep going in some way and to know not judge what that effort of showing up looks like. That can be getting up, getting dressed, going for a walk, making a homemade meal. It's very small things, having a conversation with someone. And I think, yeah, I think the better days are right around the corner and to try and always remember that, but that is easier said than done. Another really powerful topic that you go into is your struggles with body image and your eating habits, particularly during

during COVID. Do you think that's a problem which is still rife across women's football that female footballers feel the stress of body image pressures? Yeah, I don't know how it is in sport in general. I don't know if it's women who feel it more than men because I've definitely heard of male professionals who also have the same struggles as well. So I don't know if it's just an across-the-board thing that as an athlete, there's an expectation that you need to look a certain way. And I think the difference maybe with the women's game is that it's now entered into a space which is more like women's football helps make cultural change as well, which then means that you're invited to these crazy events and on the front of magazine.

which I could never have ever predicted it my whole entire life, like growing up, do you know what I mean? Like begging to go down to my brother's football session at 10 and there was no girls team. You know, I could never have imagined where this crazy, beautiful game is taking me to. But I think that does add more pressure of like, oh, I'm in these rooms and I'm getting my picture taken and oh, that was a horrible angle and, oh, I feel this way. And you feel like a lot of the time I think it's important to acknowledge that the way you look aesthetically. and fueling as an athlete are too conflicting ideals. Bodybuilders are like insane, right? Insane shape, incredible, but they're not performing athletes.

Like if you asked a bodybuilder to run or do some sort of performance thing when they're about to compete, they're so depleted and there's no, that's my understanding anyway, of, I don't play. to do any sort of bodybuilding. So I won't know for sure for my in-person experience, but that's what I can understand from. People I know and reading about it, that they're so depleted

because they're looking a certain way and their body fat percentage is this and they're trying to show. Yeah, aesthetics and performance do not align, you know. And that is hard, I think, as for anybody, you know, anybody in the limelight, anyone with social media nowadays, I think young people growing up

and the influence of media, media, television and yeah, I think it can be challenging. Do you think it was a conscious thing from you to sort of control certain parts of your eating or was it almost just something that was out of your control that just came about really quickly and you didn't really realise what place you were in? No, it was definitely conscious. I wanted, like for as long as I can remember, apart from obviously over the last few years where I feel like I have a much healthier relationship with food.

relationship with food. I feel like as long as I can remember I always felt like I wasn't slim enough or athletic enough and I was told as much you're not fast enough, you're not strong enough, you're not good enough. Your body fat's too high and to a certain point like that's also okay like you're an athlete and you can't you will be measured and it's part of your job. It comes with the territory. It's not comfortable when you're not comfortable in your own skin to have your fat pinched and told that you you need to bring it down. a bit but I can remember even like really young being at school just not liking

what I look like not having a very good food education at all now I look back at it and wanting to look different but I think as I you know obviously became an athlete that then becomes really linked to performance if you know and then that yeah it's really difficult do you think that more needs to change around women's football in particular to support people like yourself and other athletes who might be

thinking that way like do we need to do more as a sport I'd like to think it's getting, I mean I also was really I've had some good experience with nutritionists and then some not good experiences and I think that it's also a really hard topic to speak about and be open

and vulnerable about because you don't want it to be used against you as well in performance and like in a performance setting where people pick the team when you get paranoid that are like if my body fat is in a certain way like I'm not going to be picked and I think that

I think hopefully that will come in the game as the game grows the women's game obviously is growing massively all the time but there's a lot of pieces of the puzzle that still need to be put in place in a line and not just for a few people you know but also for for the masses at every level of the game and I had a really good experience I think at the right time in my career as well with a really understanding nutritionist who I met at Manchester United and we still keep in touch to this day not really on a professional

basis she works at the Red Roses now but I think I feel very lucky that I was able to be really open and ugly and I speak about that in the book about me taking food home this was obviously in a different circumstance and she was so supportive and so understanding and yeah hopefully that will come into the game more and more one positive part of your your career that you speak about a lot in the book is your time at walsberg and the friendships that you made there yeah i found that a really fascinating part of the book um but just when you when you look back at it as a as a whole in your time in wolf at Walsberg was that a really crucial point of your career that maybe sort of you know

pitch you up when when you needed it the most yeah I think personally and professionally completely changed my life I think it I can't speak highly enough of the girls the friends that I've made and obviously I'm still in touch with them to this day and their approach to football and life completely yeah opened my eyes and mind to the possibility of a lot of different things and I think it was actually the start of me being unapologetically myself. I think they were a group of people that I felt totally comfortable around to be myself as an athlete and be myself as a person and there was no judgment and yeah, they liked me for all my quirks and I think that gave me

a lot of confidence in a strange way that if these guys who I admire so much as well in terms of their achievements and the way they are as footballers and I'm playing in this incredible team full of stars. If they can accept me, then I can start to accept myself and I can recognise that, you know, I'm a good person with good intentions. I try to be the best version of myself at all times and to maybe not give myself such a hard time and try and be this, I don't know, robot, I suppose. Yeah, and when you came back from Walsberg, you obviously joined Manchester United. We'll come on to talk a little bit about Manchester United, but when COVID hit,

that was another difficult time for you. And you speak about the anxiety and the depression that you suffered in that period. And I wondered when I was reading the book, do you feel even now that you're able to talk about that fully, or is there still a trauma that is associated with that time for you? do you think? It's still painful for sure. It doesn't get easier to speak about. And I think there's a lot in the book that I haven't shared about that time of my life with, I don't want to say anyone, but anyone beyond my really close-knit group. I think there'll even be friends and possibly family members that read about some stuff in there for the first time

and I don't realize it was like that. And yeah, I think I've done a lot of work on myself and, yeah, done a lot of therapy and spoke to different people to try and help and navigate through that time because we all have trauma, right, in different ways, personally, professionally. It's normal, like life is not plain sailing, you know.

Life isn't fair, that's probably the biggest misconception, you know. that everything works out and everything's perfect and that's just not real life. It's not sunshine and rainbows and it's difficult and it's ugly. It's beautiful sometimes and it's amazing, but sometimes it's not. And I think I wouldn't be able to appreciate the good without having had that experience. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't want to do it twice. But I think it gives me strength to know, because I navigated that,

I can take on anything. I don't want to have to, but I know that I know that. I have the strength somewhere deep inside me that I can persevere. And that period came after, you know, your time at England with Phil Neville, which you speak about in the book and you've spoken about in the past as well. And that decision from Phil not to call you back into the squad having played against Germany at Wembley. And I think you describe it as a betrayal in the book. And I wonder, you know, is that something that even now you struggle to process why that decision

was made and why you weren't caught back into the squad? No, I think I've moved past that. I think that, you know, and I say this in the book, and I've said it many times in interviews as well. I think Phil is a great guy, like, and I spoke to him on a personal level many times, and we never had any issues. He made a decision that he felt was best,

and that's his prerogative as a manager. And that obviously had consequences for me personally and professionally that I had to deal with and that was hard for me but I don't look back with any like you know like I look back at that time as it was sad but I don't look back and think badly of him in any which way like if I saw him I wouldn't like avoid him like the plate you know he he made his decision I respected that it was difficult for me and and I was able to come out the other side of that. And I think it taught me a lot of things as a person. I grew professionally and I grew personally. I'm not going to thank him for that, but I think that I was able to

use it positively. And, you know, I went on to achieve great things. So from that point, you know, there's nothing bad there. Obviously at the time, I didn't feel good about it. But yeah, I've moved on from that now. That's a long time ago. Yeah, you say there about growing. as a person and I remember speaking to you I think it was 2021 maybe and you know you were talking about your life outside of football to me and I remember it at the time thinking you know how difficult is it and I'm intrigued by your answer now to kind of separate the footballer from your identity as a person do you think you've been able to do that I've been working on it it's hard it's hard to separate your identity as an athlete and as a person because they're so linked

Like how you feel about yourself, your self-worth, your self-esteem is linked in a lot of ways to your success as an athlete. And my success as a footballer because that's what I work towards. That's what I spend all my energy doing, thinking about. So if you then don't, you aren't successful in the way that you've been working. You know, it's hard that, like, they're very, very linked. So it's something I'm working on all the time. And I think I've obviously entered into a new period of my life. chapter where I'm transitioning from being you know I'm no longer an

international footballer and that is again a similar conversation of that's not connect that's not connected to me anymore you know I had amazing memories and amazing time and I'm really proud of everything I achieve but that's not my current reality so how do you how do you not like let certain things get you down or how do you yeah make sure that you feel strong as a person in your yeah in who you are yeah so you're at Manchester United in this period in the book in the book yeah and and you talk about the the low wages that that you had at Manchester United and some of the the things that

you did to to assure you were able to make make way each day and I I think that's a topic of conversation which has been around for a while is you know the low wages in the WSL you know are you able to sort of shine a light on you know what those wages might be for the average footballer and I suppose whether or not that you still think that's a problem now in the WSL that there are low wages. I think that there's just been a new thing passed in the WSR, right? The news travelled over to France, I believe. Yeah, minimum salaries. There's a minimum salary which I think is a great step in the right direction. I think the whole salary conversation is also important to recognise that that's where women's football

was at at that time. And women's footballers have sacrificed so much to be able to do what they love. And I think actually a lot of people inside women's football, like who volunteered or journalists or referees or coaches, you know, they didn't join the game for money, you know, I think that's fair to say. And I think everybody has played their part into getting the women's game to where it is now. So I don't think this conversation is exclusive to two footballers. But on the topic of that, yes, it was difficult to navigate and I had to be creative and resourceful in different ways to pursue this crazy dream. I don't think that story is any different from a lot of players that play in the WSL and have done.

I think that probably now where the game has grown, especially since 2022 and winning the euros at home, is that people look at it and think, oh my God, it's so glamorous and it's so amazing and look at these lifestyles and look at these events. these nice clothes and what have you and yes that is true and we are so fortunate to be able to do what we love and also get invited to these amazing places for sure but that isn't reflective of the league as a whole or women's football as a whole or the championship or other leagues around the world you know and I think that we have to make sure we take care of I've said this many times like of the entire pyramid and not just get blinded by the glitz and the glamour and the flashing lights at the top.

There's a lot of work still to be done to make sure that the women's game is sustainable and continues to go from strength to strength. I think women's sport as a whole is on a fast speed train that you can either get on or get out the way because it's coming whether you like it or not. But there's a lot of work still to be done. Puzzle pieces still to be put into place. The next part of the book that you sort of go, into which is something that you've not really shared publicly before is your feelings and your

relationship with kitty and how they came about and i wonder what that process was like for you like was at quite a confusing time and did you maybe feel a bit of pressure to have to tell people publicly that you were in a relationship with with a woman um it definitely was a confusing time um but i think again a process of acceptance that started probably from my Wolfsburg days of being unapologetically myself. I don't see sexuality as linear in this black and white thing. And I don't label things. But I think to be brave enough to say, yes, this is my relationship and I'm proud of that. I'm not ashamed.

A pressure to tell the world, I think for me it was more about, if I could, have, and it crosses over into a lot of topics. My decision to write the book was a carefully considered one. But in order to do that and in order to speak my truth and be unapologetically myself and write something that's authentic, I can't just hide parts. It was a situation, pardon the pun, of being all in or all out.

And I chose to write the book. And that means share. parts of my life that maybe I haven't previously, you know, my relationships and have always, I've always tried to keep separate, I've always tried to separate my personal and professional, but that isn't realistic when you're trying to write a book of integrity, a book of authenticity. You know, and I think that that's hopefully what comes out through all the book is that I've been honest even when it's ugly and even when maybe it doesn't paint me in the best light as well.

like I've hopefully written a book that is, yeah, is honest and authentic and that people from many different walks of life can relate to them, resonate with. Did you worry at any point that your family wouldn't accept that relationship? I know that you refer to, you know, there's a situation with Kitty and your dad in the 23 Women's World Cup, but in that moment then, did you worry that it was never going to be something that would be accepted? Of course, of course. That's, yeah, honestly, yeah, of course. My family mean a great deal to me and so does my relationship. So, yeah, there was difficulties that we had to navigate, but yeah, we're, we're through that now, thankfully. And I think

relationships have ups and downs, friends, friendships, family, romantic relationships. Everything has ups and downs, but it's how you navigate that. And I think being able to have honest conversations is really, really important. And yeah, we were able to move. To embrace the impossible requires a vehicle that pushes what's possible.

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Me? Listen. With the BBC Sounds app. This is the Football Daily podcast from Five Life Sports. The book's obviously started to come out now in the last 24 to 48 hours. While we're recording this interview, people have started to see some of the extracts of the book. You've mentioned, you know, Hannah Hampton, Serena Vigman. your England retirement among those topics.

How have you found the reaction in the last 48 hours to some of those things that you've spoken about? I think it's been a very overwhelming 24 hours. I think that I think some of the headlines and reporting have meant that people have, kind of seen things through a certain lens and that understandably like when you're taking out really small parts of the book without having the full context in where I've said

certain things then you know people have drawn conclusions from that that I hope that people will just give the book the opportunity to to see what I've said, you know. It's not easy to say your truth, you know, it's not easy. But ultimately, that's the book that I tried to write. I tried to share my experiences about my life. Not all of those experiences are positive, but I speak about so many different things in this book.

and I think it's been hard to see how only certain things have been pulled out and really focused on and I guess that's the nature of the beast sometimes but when you put your heart and soul on the line in a certain way that that is that is difficult it's been really really overwhelming to see how some things have kind of been distorted a little bit but again I think when you only see

small snippets of something you need the full context I've not written this book to tear anybody down in any way shape or form that's not who I am as a person and I think that comes through in the book I think that I speak about

my life, my experience, my perspectives, and people can have different perspectives and multiple things can be true at the same time. And I think that, I hope, yeah, that people will read it in its context and, yeah, people might not still agree with me. That's also okay. Like, we, you know, I'm not, I'm not saying that everyone is going to, people might still think, oh, I would have maybe done this differently and so forth. But I've written about many, many, many different experiences, many different people, like personally and professionally, and across the board of both of those things, there's good and there's bad, as there is in life, as there is in professional industries, you know, you navigate ups and downs, but that doesn't mean that, yeah, there's no intention. to speak badly about people it's only sharing my experience i think part of the reaction that came out was was around um perhaps surprise at the the rapid decline in relationship with

with serena that that you maybe described towards the end of your england career and i i wonder were you were you surprised by the reaction to that and you know what did you kind of maybe expect or hope that people might have felt by by reading those kind of personal stories i think for First and foremost, I didn't see it as a rapid decline in the relationship. I saw it as us having different perspectives on different things and us navigating that in a professional relationship. And I think that in the book I also talk about the incredible respect that I have for Serena, the incredible things that we've done together.

And I've also spoken openly in interviews that have already been recorded and will come out at a later date, obviously, about, again, how much respect I have for her. The fact that she's won three back-to-back euros, that she is a manager that made her decision, and that is totally okay. And I think that, again, it's the way that things have been reported in certain ways. I'm not, I genuinely believe that what I've written in the book is not the way that it's come across and I think that's what's hard because now it's like well are people ever going to actually hear what I said and I don't think I've thought about what I want the reaction to be I think I'm not surprised based on what I've seen on my algorithms I would probably come to the

same conclusions as other people if I'm honest but that's not what I've written I don't feel that's what I've written at all. I don't think that's a fair reflection. I think things have been taken out of the context and the entirety of the context. And when you look at, for example, I think the entire retirement chapter that people are discussing, you're only speaking about the conclusion of that chapter, which had a lot of different things going on at the same time, but you're not talking about the story and the journey and how I got to that point, if you know what I mean. And again, I'm only talking about from my experience. And my relationship with Serena, I look back on with so many fun memories.

And even there were things that happened in the summer that I wish it had happened differently, of course. And we saw the same thing in, like, so we had different perspectives on the same situation. We lived different experiences. We experienced the same situation differently. And that's what I have spoken about in the book, how I experienced it. I can't speak on behalf of her. And even, you know, at the end I say that in the book. I say that, you know, we have an exchange where I say, oh, are we friends? And she says, I'm, I don't understand.

I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed, which she has every right to feel. And I said, yeah, I'm frustrated and disappointed too. And she said, but we're family. we've been through a lot. And, you know, I guess I'm also, I don't know, I hope the noise of this situation hasn't changed that. I obviously saw her at Ballandor and, you know, we saw each other briefly.

But this is real life with real consequences. You know, this isn't a, you know, I said that on it on Instagram last night. This isn't a drama. I think women's football has entered into a space which has come a little bit into entertainment And so then your life gets picked apart for people's amusement sometimes. But it's not amusing, you know. Yeah, and you sort of touching it there where you said, you know, you hoped that the reaction and the noise hasn't changed your future relationship with Serena, for example.

Is that a genuine concern that having seen the reactions that it could tarnish future relationship? I think, you know, I don't want to like criticise the media because I also, again, I say this in the book, the media have a really important role in like the growth of women's football and I think we need each other in different ways. And so I'm not criticising anyone, you know, I just think that that's, these things take legs of their own and it was similar for me in the summer the way certain headlines were written and the way I'm. felt about how certain things were portrayed it has real life consequences for people and I think that I can only speak on my experience and my truth I can only experience I can only speak on that I have shared my experience and I understand that that will come with criticism because you know it the the rawness and the honesty that I have

um displayed is unusual i think for a footballer i think it's unusual in maybe life and social media i think people don't talk about things you know and it's it's it's it's tough but i did it you know yeah to share to share my life to share my my professional experiences and hope that it would help other people and yeah obviously that that chapter as a whole is kind of exploring the transition obviously from you know from being England's number one to being told that that you're not going to be England's number one and you know you speak about about the difficulties that that come with that and you know one of the things was perhaps a lack of I suppose structural support from those around you that

were helping you through that transition and I wonder did you raise that with the FA at any point and you know was that something that you were maybe disappointed by like the lack of support in that in that transitional period um I feel like the the transition I'm still going through and it doesn't happen overnight I'm still processing a lot of different things and I think that's evident in the book. I definitely, I don't, I don't want to talk specifics, I don't want to get into that sort of thing. I just, I feel very lucky for the incredible people that have in my life and I would, yeah, I'm very, very grateful because yeah, needed in a moment like this. Yeah. How would you like to move?

forward from all of this because you know it's been a difficult situation for everyone involved which you said on on social media last night but yeah what what do you kind of want to be the outcome moving forward now um I hope that people will now you know if they've had an opinion on it drawn conclusions made comments based on smaller excerpts that they've seen yeah or headlines they've read I hope that they will give it they will read it

and give it a fair shot if you know what I mean you don't have to like it you know I'm not as I say I'm not asking everyone to agree with me and I think yeah try and I don't know I don't know if I have a clear

want. I think I wrote this book with an open heart and I hope that that comes through. And I hope that people, I think I hope that, not everyone, but I hope that people will appreciate it because I think it will discourage others from doing the same. And I think that it will personal experiences and yeah so i i hope that people just yeah give it a chance you don't have to like it but i yeah it was a real a lot of heart a lot of heart and soul time and effort blood sweat tears the lot were put into it and it would be a shame for it to be pigeonholed as something that it's not i'm happy for it to be pigeonholed for things that it is you know it's It's ugly, it's truthful.

Yeah, okay. I like it because of this. I didn't like it because of this. No problem. But not to be, yeah, tarnished for something. It's not, you know. Yeah. What about your teammates at Paracentia Man?

Have you had any messages of support from them or other coaches and players that you've played with before? Yeah, I've had a lot of really lovely messages, actually. I think, ironically, I never really. address what do you call it conflict too much publicly because these things come and you end up non-stop commenting on things and and then I think when you you start to just fight every you know sometimes you have to accept that this is the life that I accidentally signed up to I could never have predicted it would get

to the get to where it is and the platform that I have and I take a big responsibility for the people who have been avid supporters of mine for five minutes or five years or 15 years, you know. There's people who message me now who still talk about when I was on the bench at Doncaster Bell. So that's the first six months of, I don't know, 2014, maybe, I don't know, I'm spitballing. And maybe it was a bit early in that 2012. and them telling me, I remember you're on the bench and I was struck by your professionalism because you were running up and down every 10 minutes and you're a goalkeeper and you don't need to keep that, you know, goalkeepers don't really come on as a substitute.

That's it, that's it. You know, and I take that responsibility really seriously and I've had some really, really lovely messages. Unfortunately, negativity is really loud and but I try to see them. the positive as much as much as I can. You sort of touch on there about kind of the life that's come to you without you necessarily looking for it. But the rapid growth of fame kind of happened overnight, really, you know, off the back of that Euro success

and then the World Cup penalty save. And, you know, how did you deal with that kind of rapid growth of fame? And are you more comfortable with it now? Do you think you'll ever be comfortable with it? I feel like fame is a weird thing, I don't really like the word fame. I feel at best I'm Zed list, to be honest. So I feel I don't, I reject the notion of it. I think that obviously the person who helped me, you know, write the book was labelling it as such.

So I have to kind of take that one on the chin a bit. I think it's, it was very overwhelming at the, at the beginning. I think I've come to accept it a little bit more now. I still struggle with it at different points. I don't think I'm, I think, like, when it's about football and when it's like, you know, you're at a game and you're like taking pictures and sharing conversation, I love that stuff. There's other stuff that comes with it, which is more challenging and more not, like, as quite a private person, not really in line with my personality, but I take this platform that I have and position I have, like, with great pride and

privilege, great responsibility. And I try and do as much good with it as I can whilst I have it. You know, I try to create as much change as I can, you know, like the goalkeeper shirts and different goalkeeper campaigns that I, you know, try and advocate for to make goalkeeping call. And I think, I think, yeah, it's been, it's just been very unexpected because it's so different from where I've come from. And I think that's what I think. Why I wanted to move to PSG as well and speak about that in the book is to try and get back to the basics of what I know, which was football, and not get distracted and, yeah, just kind of be out the way a bit, I think. But like it's all a massive compliment. It makes it sound like it's the worst thing.

It's not. I feel very honoured and very privileged, but at times it's overwhelming. and it's very up and down and I think I was just looking for a bit of consistency. I think I was struggling with a lot of different things all at one time and that kind of led me to the place where I was when I was at United and I felt like I wasn't losing my love for football because I feel like I've always had that. Even my current PSG teammates were like, God, you just love football, don't you?

I'm like, yeah, I do. I really do. but I think I was losing like a sense of self and I was battling with myself internally like of trying to be happy and not feeling happy within myself and I feel like I wanted to get back to to that and yeah yeah it obviously is you know a privilege to to have that fame or not fame but I think you know whenever I speak to to footballers now, especially ones of your generation that were part of that Lioness's success. Some talk about the intrusive behaviour that, you know, you get from fans, which can be quite scary. Some people have told me before. And, you know, I wonder, like, have you

felt in that kind of situation and do you wish that there was maybe a little bit more support for particularly female footballers now that are just kind of in a world that's completely different to a woman's football world that it was ten years ago? I think that it's, I've definitely had a few experiences which were a little bit scary. I think just like, you know, people putting things through your letter box or like knowing where you live or taking pictures of your car or like your address or that feels quite important. and most of it is not with bad intentions. It's just maybe a bit over-familiar, I think,

because as female footballers, we recognise the journey we've been on and we recognise how everybody involved in the women's football community has played their part in getting women's football to where it is. The accessibility has always been different. We've always given, I think, a lot of time, care and attention to give that back, because people invested in us when nobody did. if you know what I mean but yeah now things have changed but and I think there's the disparity between like the role and and and what that has become and also then

like the level of resource I think and sort of like even now a lot of I think all the WSL teams, or most of them at least, will have like different security measures in place, different security staff in place. And that is like, you know, obviously a massive step in the right direction, but you look at our male counterparts, you know, and this is not about salaries and things like that, but when they are in the Premier League, they're in gated communities or, you know, live in really remote areas and have staff working for them to protect them from these things. But that's not, you know, our reality. You know, and that's not all poor us. It's just different. And I think we've got to navigate that and, and again, I don't

think a lot of it is with, is bad intention. Some of the stuff that has come through at different points and different death threats or what have you that I know lots of different players have experienced. That's obviously bad intention. But I think for the most part, I think it is an over-familiarity. I think we represent women's football and men's football is so different. I think men's footballers, for the most part, are just looked at for their ability to play football, whereas women's footballers are often looked at as footballers,

but also what they represent. Yeah, I think it's an interesting point, and something else maybe that a male footballer doesn't have to think about is a chapter that you talk about in the book, about freezing your eggs for future childbirth which I thought was a really interesting topic and first of all what was that process like you know how did you come to think about that

and you know was that something that you always wanted to do crazy invasive process um it's to be honest it was something that I was part of the leadership group and I spoke to the FA about it a lot and with the girls about um you know looking after our bodies and obviously now maternity and paternity rights are being, you know, or being in discussion a lot more, which is great.

And I think this is another topic which is slightly different. And I know that there's a couple of players who've done it. I don't know if they've spoken about it publicly. I know a few players have. But I think, again, it was about this is a reality in my life as a female football. I would love to be a mom. I would love to have a family. and but I love playing football and some players will get pregnant and come back

which is their right and they do a fantastic job I would prefer not to do that I want to hopefully universe allowing will have a child a little bit later down the line and I think you know I've had different female health things throughout my career and where I didn't I don't know if no one knows if they can get pregnant right until they try and so I think I wanted to give myself the best opportunity to do that and I felt like that would also give me a peace of mind obviously I'm 32 now and so I that's that's the decision I took but it's something that I've wanted to do pretty much since I hit 30 I've wanted to do it and I've

discussed it with different you know doctors and but again it's not something that there's a lot of research on you know like how the hormones affect your body and how that yeah affects you physically what training you can do a lot of alongside it. It was very different and yeah I had the support of PSG which was amazing and they helped me navigate it but yeah something that's very new and I hope by talking about it female athletes feel comfortable to share and also maybe maybe recognise that it's a possibility. Do you want there to be more research you said there wasn't enough? I would love that I mean there was a few

questions I had that I couldn't answer you know about like right okay so after you're pumped with hormones for X amount of days and then you have the procedure and what exercise can you do? What exercise should you avoid? And obviously there's general medical advice, which is great and it's helpful. But it would be great for there to be research around like specifically athletes like, is there a certain load in? Is there certain exercises you should be doing in the gym or on the pitch? Should you not do certain things for X amount of days?

Like I'm a goalkeeper. I'm diving around everywhere. That's very different from running and tackling. going, do I need to be contact, non-contact? There was a lot of questions that I didn't have the answers to, which, yeah, again, with PSG support, we just kind of tried to navigate through it. Something else that you discussed in the book

was from your time at Manchester United, and before that moved to Paracenture Man and you were weighing up your options, and you discussed, you know, maybe disappointment, I don't want to put the word into your mouth, but at the slow contract negotiations at Manchester United, would you say that was something that disappointed you and particularly for a club of that size?

Yeah, I definitely don't want to label different things. I speak about it in full in the book, and I think it was a complicated situation. I was at Manchester United for five years, have incredible memories there. Again, there are ups and downs when you're with a club for five years. And yes, I wish certain things would have happened a little bit differently.

And again, like, it's perspectives, it's different experiences. I think it kind of got to the point where, because of a magnitude of lots of different factors, that I felt it was the best thing to do to try and get a fresh start and start a new chapter and, yeah, go pursue. go pursue another crazy goal, but it was very sad to leave. I was really emotional about it. I actually remember I was seeing, I was in Frankfurt, I believe, at the time, I think, because I'd just seen my godson's. They were in the country for a matter of hours,

so I flew there and I remember in this square posting the statement and being in tears and just thinking if there's any English tourists that recognise me in this space, they're going to be like, what the hell is going on here? And it was very emotional. I feel really lucky that I got to play for that club for such a long time. Again, me leaving the club is something that I've not spoken about previously, and I speak about openly in the book and offer my perspective.

And again, I think some people will be like, oh, yeah, I've experienced that in my work, and oh, if I experience that, yeah, I get that. And some people will think, no, I think you should have done that differently. That's the beauty of different perspectives and, yeah, experiences. But, yeah, I was there for a long time. We obviously played them in a couple of weeks as well. And, yeah, I look back with really, really fond memories. So much can be said about timing, and you say there that you're facing them in a couple of weeks.

Yeah. I mean, it just had to be, didn't it? Written in the stars. I knew it. I said it from the jump from the moment they qualified. I knew that it would happen. And I just, I don't know, sometimes you just feel it. Maybe I manifested it, I don't know.

Tuni and I, we exchange a few messages right away. And obviously I'm looking forward to seeing some familiar faces. But yeah, to go back to Old Trafford and a special place with so many amazing memories. And yeah, I'm looking forward to the game. I think it'll be a great game. Manchester United in incredible form. Doing a really good job. Fallon's in great form as well.

obviously had a really great season last year. I think they've, I mean, so many players, Mayor, Jess Park, Tune, like, you know, they're having a really, really, really good time. Melvin, as well. I think she's looking forward to the return of her French pals. So, not the return, sorry, meeting up with her French pals.

So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I hope that it's a really special night. I hope that it's a really, like, you know, great game for everyone to, to watch and enjoy and yeah, beautiful Champions League nights. What a privilege. I want to ask you about Falun because she's, you know, been really great the last few months.

Manchester United had a great season last season. How would you describe her as a goalkeeper and also as a person having worked with her? I think she's a great goalkeeper. I think she's massive. I think that she has an incredible wingspan. She makes incredible saves. takes crosses. Yeah, I think she's really, really great.

And that was clear when I worked with her as well. Very hard working. We both like to work and when we work on the pitch, we're quite like intense and focused. That was my experience. Obviously it was a different dynamic back then and she's grown since. You could see that also through the season

that I was working with her. Like, you could see that. You could see that the build that was happening. And I think she's, yeah, doing a fantastic job at Manchester United. And I wish her, obviously, all the very best. I hope that we have a great game on the Wednesday. But, you know, I think it's great that she's doing so well. And I think I always love to see goalkeepers really perform.

And she's doing that. And she's obviously had a chance with the US national team now as well, which is brilliant. Yeah, you've got a very, very good goalkeeper. I don't really know how else to describe her. You're obviously going to be on the opposite team to Manchester United this time around. What sort of reaction are you expecting from the fan base? Because it was difficult for them to process your departure, wasn't it? I have no idea.

I have no idea. A few of the fans come out to support me at PSG, but United is their number one team. I understand that. I don't know. I don't know. I hope that it will be nice. I'm probably expecting a little bit of booing, probably.

I hope that it's a little bit, but it might be a lot. But I also think that, you know, the women's game is growing all the time, and that's coming into the game more and more. And, yeah, it will hopefully, I just hope that it's a really great game of football. It's an incredible stadium, two incredible teams. Yeah, and I hope that it's just a really, I hope that it's a great game, I hope that it's really enjoyable, whatever happens, but I have no idea what the reception will be. You'd have to ask them, they've probably got a good idea. I want to ask a couple of questions on sort of moving forward, but just to kind of recap your career and your journey, this is a difficult question, but do you have any regrets of anything that's happened?

Not at the moment I think everything has led me to where I am now and the person that I am I try and always do things in a way where I'm true to who I am and true to my values

and that doesn't always align with everybody but I think it's your life and you have to live it your way without hurting other people or intentionally hurting other people and I think that there's hindsight is a beautiful thing and I'd maybe do some things differently

with the information I have now but I don't think I have regrets at this point in time and I think regrets are hard because you know it's very outcome driven if you know what I mean like and I think I've always

I think that's what football's taught me a lot about is how close you are between winning and losing and you can be a hero in one person's eyes and a villain and all that and so like oh if if on one day you became the hero you wouldn't regret it but because you're a villain you regret it you know like it's very that's a tough one but I think in general

not at the moment and hopefully I can just yeah continue to try and be the best version of myself as a player but also as a person and I think if you are unapologetically who you are you do things with integrity with the right intentions with the best of efforts yeah I don't think

regrets I don't think you should have any regrets in life regardless of what the outcome is. So what's the next step for Marriott? You're going to be an England fan? I'm always an England fan. I don't know what's next. I think life changes quickly.

Life changes all the time. I'm just trying to, yeah, continue to grow as a player and as a person. And I feel like I live in an incredible place. and I get to do an incredible job that I love and you know I have really incredible people in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for so yeah hopefully I can I've got a few more things in the locker but well you'll have to wait and find out

just finally what's the most important message that you want to get across from all of these conversations from the book from these interests interviews. I think that's obviously hard without basically speaking about the last 24 hours. I think I would just reiterate that I've written a book, which is unusual to do as a current professional footballer. I've learned very quickly and harshly that this is probably why people don't. I know that my life is in the court of public opinion and I take that responsibility really seriously. This book is about Mary Earp's being all in and being unapologetically herself and navigating basically her struggles. There are highlights in there, I assure you,

it's not all doom and gloom, but it's mostly about how I've navigated, navigate, struggles professionally and personally for my entire life, my entire 32 years. Some of it is difficult, some of it is challenging. It's hard for me to read back and was emotional for me to read back. But I hope that people will read it in its context, read the full story, feel that I've been fair, feel that I've given my perspective on things that that have happened and most of these things people know about, you know, like they're things that have been in the public eye or things that have happened, you know, I've retired internationally

and I've left Manchester United and things that are already well known. But there's also things in there that people don't know about me personally and I hope that my honesty and rawness is appreciated. I understand that it will divide opinion and I accept that people are entitled to feel whatever they feel and think whatever they think. But I hope that people appreciate my authenticity and I hope that people relate to it in whatever job, life, family situation, relationships, whatever it looks like, I hope that they can relate to it and resonate, take something from it.

And most importantly, I hope that if there's anybody out there who is experiencing something, and it feels dark and gloomy, that I hope that they can take some inspiration from the book to know that it does get better. Just keep showing up, keep doing the work no matter how you feel and go from there.