Football Daily - The Commentators' View: ‘Chewing gum’ Andorra & Keystone Cops

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

John Murray, Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball talk football, travel & language. They hear from Thomas Tuchel and Dan Burn ahead of England v Andorra. Will John’s losing run in Clash of the Commentators finally come to an end? And the Great Glossary of Football Commentary returns. Get your suggestions in with WhatsApp voicenotes to 08000 289 369 & emails to [e-mail]02:50 Parking problems 06:50 Arsenal ‘understandable’ approach at Anfield? 11:55 5 Live commentaries this international break 12:45 John Stones withdraws through injury 13:25 Thomas Tuchel on John Stones & Marc Guehi 16:00 Tuchel compares Andorra to chewing gum 17:55 Dan Burn on Alexander Isak leaving Newcastle 19:30 Who did it right? Isak or Guehi? 23:50 Are international commentaries the pinnacle? 27:25 Clash of the Commentators 33:50 Great Glossary of Football CommentaryBBC Sounds / 5 Live commentaries: Fri 5 Sep 1930 Chelsea v Man City in the WSL, Sat 6 Sep 1330 Arsenal v London City Lionesses in the WSL, Sat 6 Sep 1700 England v Andorra in World Cup Qualifying, Sun 7 Sep 1200 Liverpool v Everton in the WSL, Tue 9 Sep 1945 Serbia v England in World Cup Qualifying.Glossary so far: 2-0 is a dangerous score, After you Claude, All-Premier League affair, Aplomb, Bag/box of tricks, Brace, Brandished, Breaking the deadlock, Bundled over the line, Champions elect / champions apparent, Clinical finish, Commentator’s curse, Coupon buster, Cultured/Educated left foot, Denied by the woodwork, Draught excluder, Elimination line, Fellow countryman, Foot race, Formerly of this parish, Fox in the box, Free hit, Goalkeepers’ Union, Goalmouth scramble, Good touch for a big man, Honeymoon Period, In and around, In the shop window, Keeping ball under their spell, Keystone Cops defending, Languishing, Loitering with intent, Marching orders, Nestle in the bottom corner, Numbered derbies, Nutmeg, Opposite number, Park the bus, PK for penalty-kick, Postage stamp, Put it in the mixer, Put their laces through it, Rasping shot, Red wine not white wine, Relegation six-pointer, Rooted at the bottom, Route One, Roy of the Rovers stuff, Sending the goalkeeper the wrong way, Shooting boots, Sleeping giants, Slide rule pass, Small matter of, Spiders web, Stayed hit, Steepling, Stinging the palms, Stonewall penalty, Straight off the training ground, Stramash, Team that likes to play football, Throw their cap on it, Thruppenny bit head / 50p head, Towering header, Two good feet, Turning into a basketball match, Turning into a cricket score, Usher/Shepherd the ball out of play, Walking a disciplinary tightrope, Wand of a left foot, We’ve got a cup tie on our hands, Where the kookaburra sleeps, Where the owl sleeps, Winger in their pocket, Wrap foot around it, Your De Bruynes, your Gundogans etc.

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. The Commentator's View on the Football Daily with Alistair Bruce Ball, John Murray and Ian Dennis. Hello, welcome to the Football Daily. I'm Ian Dennis, and this is The Commentators View, the podcast where as five live commentators talk about our travels, football, of course, and the language of the beautiful game. And here we are at St. George's Park, where England are training ahead of their World Cup qualifiers. so of course I'm with correspondent John Murray and Ali Bruce Ball Hello to you both Hello! Hello Ian, hello John

Yes, in a bit we will hear some little snippets from Thomas Tuchel and defender Dan Byrne Clash of the commentators to come and the return of the great glossary of football commentary as well But I've just recovered from one of the worst Old Firm Derbys

It was so boring And yet listening to you last Saturday The Leeds Newcastle game probably wasn't much better Actually, Leeds Newcastle was all right. And as I think I said on the air, it was probably a better match to actually be at and watch and commentate on than it was, for example, if you were watching it in a pub on a Saturday evening. So it was okay. And, you know, there was certainly a bit of atmosphere

there. Well, there was at Ibrox as well. But yes, I was listening to you on the way the next day to Enfield. So I actually only heard the first half of that. But when I left it at half time, I had a feeling which way it was going. Yeah. Yeah, and I think the Rangers and Celtic fans would agree at the moment to not very good teams. And I think two slightly disillusioned fan bases with where the clubs are at and both out of the Champions League. I mean, I always think with both of those games, listening to you both, you know, as commentators, it's always that thing, isn't it, of telling it like it is.

So if the game is not good, you've got to say it's not good. But at the same time, there's always got to be something in it to keep the listener listening. And actually, a nil, nil in a Leeds, Newcastle or a range of subject, that can change at any moment. Ball goes in the back of the net and the whole story changes. So it does keep you listening in that sense. And as you say, two great football grounds to be at there, even if the quality of the football wasn't great. More importantly for this particular program, this outlet, my thought was, Ian, when I was listening to you, I've probably spent the first 10 minutes thinking, you've not had much turnaround from Old Trafford on Saturday afternoon to Ibrox.

What time are you there at Ibrox on Sunday morning? I got to Ibrox at quarter past nine. So I arrived in Glasgow at half past nine on the Saturday night, had a bite to eat. You probably still have, did some work to do. So I worked then until midnight, was awake at about eight, quick bite to eat, and then off to the ground. And also, they're doing a bit of redevelopment work around Ibrox. I haven't been to Ibrox for quite a while. And we've all got our little favorite haunts where we park.

and I thought, I know, I'm going to park. And the car parking near Ibrox has now gone to a barcode system. So if your name's not... What does that mean? Well, if you haven't got a barcode on your phone, you can't get into the car park. Oh. You used to just turn up before and go, hello, BBC. Yeah, and you go.

Now... That's a flight. You used to be able to park almost right opposite the ground. So anyway, I had a bit of an issue. The lad said, no, I'm sorry, you can't come in. Your name's not. I went, oh, right, okay. And I thought, right, what do I do?

So he said, there's a grass verge over there. so I whacked it on a grass verge with about another, I would say, I don't know, 100 cars and because I was there so early, so when we were walking away, because I deliberately went to see the Russell Martin press conference afterwards.

I wanted to see what was said, because it'd obviously been under so much pressure, intense pressure. And Pat said, Pat and Evan said, where have you parked? I said, I'm here. I was literally a stone's throw from the ground. He went, you did well.

Yeah, I was here at about quarter past nine this morning. So, yeah. Have we got time for a car park? I've got a car park story from times past. So this was at a time when, and we all had to go. We were going to have function all of us the next day, so you might remember,

down south. I was at Liverpool the night before, and this was at a time when we now were very fortunate in that Liverpool do lay on parking for us. That was during a little spout, possibly during the rebuilding of, when we had to find our own parking. So I parked in a car park at Stanley Park,

which was £20. park at the top in a little section. When I got back to the car after the match, I was saying, all right, I need to get going here. So I've got to drive way down south, and it was a night match to this function that you and I were at. And when I got to the car park, I thought, oh, no, the gate is shut on the car park. My car's on the inside. It's the only car left in the car. And I think, who on earth am I going to ask to get out of this car? And I tried that. I pushed the gate, pushed the gate, couldn't, wouldn't open. I went, I ended up ringing Liverpool,

ended up ringing the local authority, rang the local council. They were sending someone out. Police came past. It took about an hour and a half, and then eventually, I think it was one of the policemen came up to the gate,

leaned on it, and it went the other way. I remember you're telling me that. It opened the wrong, it opened the other way. I'm actually surprised you've told that story. I felt like such an idiot. Yeah.

And you were there a considerable time. A long time. Yeah. a long time. I didn't get to where we were going until the early hours and I was very bleary-eyed when we met up the next day. Parking in Glasgow, Pat is

very good on the spots where you've got a sneaky getaway. So even if you're early but you know you want to get away quickly and you don't mind a little walk after the game, Pat's got two or three whichever ground you're at, two or three really good spots to park in so that you have a little walk back to the

car and then away you go straight away. He's excellent for that. Paul Robinson had one. As you would expect, at Ellen Road last Saturday night, Paul had his car parked a little way away. But Paul Robinson encountered a Manchester United fan sometime last season, and the Manchester United fan has created a spreadsheet of the perfect parking locations for every team in the Premier League for a quick getaway. And at Southampton last season, I looked at the aforementioned spreadsheet, parked in this car park. park at St Mary's and likewise I was away from the traffic and all it's quite problematic to get away from St Mary's but not on this occasion that could be gold dust if that if that Manchester United fan was to start selling that mind you I tend to leave once all of the various commitments have

been finished so by that stage very often the traffic's already gone well talking that you'd listen to me I listened to you with that so boss lie free kick stunner wasn't it that was that was a dramatic end to the afternoon's events there, where I don't know about you, I thought Arsenal came out of that quite badly where I felt that their approach

was entirely sensible when you're going to play Liverpool at Anfield, and yet the reaction to that was kind of boring Arsenal come here and not trying to win hard enough. I thought their approach was

understandable, and in actual fact people said, Marino played in midfield. If order guard had been fit, the captain would have played in that match. Yeah, fully fit. Yeah. Don't forget your emails to TCV at BBC.co.com. Voice notes on the WhatsApp thingy to 08,000, 289-369. And we've had this one in from the Leeds fan, Guy.

Hello, TCV. Love the pod. Particularly loved the last pod where producer Claire came on. And all the clips about the behind the scenes of Match Day was absolutely fascinating. Just to follow on from that, obviously with the new format of the Champions League, just wanted to see if the same chaos of so many games happening at the same time, particularly on the last game of the league phase, is it just as chaotic.

Any kind of extra behind the scenes from the Champions League last season would be excellent. And thanks very much, keep going. Well, the short answer guy, and thank you very much for your voice note. It will be as chaotic, I'm sure. Every chance it could be more chaotic this season, because actually last season, when it came to the final night, which I've been fearing for half the season, not too much actually moved in the end on that night.

And yet it was still absolutely frantic. I mean, it could be. You could get 10, 15 teams changing places, you know, quite dramatically and significantly on that last night. So, you know, as I've said before, I think a little bit too much is happening that night. I think Ali should have read this little bit on the script because I want to sound like Bruce Forsyth.

Didn't producer Claire do well last week? Bruce? Bruce? I was just going to say, we've had so much fantastic feedback about last week's episode. I think people really enjoyed Claire's appearance. And yeah, the insight, the clips of what it's like in the studio and then trying to imagine what it's like in our headphones while we're commenting.

The one I was thinking there actually, which I don't think I asked Claire last week is the difficulty for the producer when, Claire's given you an instruction say, Ian, and you know you're concentrating on something else and it sort of goes in one ear and out the other and then sometimes we as commentators can sort of

say out loud, oh I've missed that, can you give me that again? Or, you know, there's various ways around that. But sometimes I would just leave that as a pause and just think, not a pause, I keep talking. I wonder how long Claire leaves it before she thinks that clown's forgotten again. I'm going to have to repeat it. Because you don't want

to keep talking to the comments. That's quite difficult to judge, I think sometimes. I think you're being very harsh on yourself there because I don't think, well, I presume you were talking about yourself when you refer to you as the clown. I don't think necessarily she says that to me unless she probably has some far stronger than a clown.

But by the way, if you're wondering what we are talking about and you haven't, like John heard last week's episode, then it is still available on the football daily feed. And I would just save yourself a bit of time and fast forward to about 28, 29 minutes in and you will hear Claire with various bits of talk back about how it works on a Saturday afternoon.

I did actually go back and listen to the last five minutes. Yeah. Well, the ending actually was... And then I heard that little clip at the end, which was nice. What do you call it, Ali? An Easter egg?

Yeah, I think that... Well, that's not my term. Easter eggs are the little sort of surprise drop-ins. That's the great thing about the commentators' view podcast. I mean, not only does John not listen to enough of them, but you've got to listen to them all the way through because there's little bits actually during them that we don't know are in there so Nathan will drop little bits of audio in that we don't know are in there but also that one at the end

I always love the one at the end there's always something at the end just a little surprise for you at the end which is which is always good but I've got lots of things to do during the week that I've not already done you know what I mean but I know but you can have a podcast on the background while you do them yeah Clyde on the email says I listened to last week's show with an enormous grin all over my face that's when i wasn't laughing out loud while producer claire was on my goodness what insight into the cogs and wheels that turn this behem off of the vehicle into the smooth running polished brackets mostly liquid gold that flows mellifluously into our eager ears what an extraordinary ringmaster claire is more of her please yeah well anthony who's a mansfield fan backs that up he says i

listen to last week's podcast while doing the paperwork in an empty office it was a good job i was alone as I laughed out loud during the segment with the fantastic formidable Claire keep up the great work formidable so she bellows she gives incessant talk back and now she's described as formidable and and a ringmaster I think ringmaster's a great term actually commentaries for you this week on BBC Radio 5 live and the BBC sounds app Friday night Chelsea against Manchester City and the WSL opener at Stanford Bridge Denmark Scotland and the World Cup qualifier is on the stream of sports extra two that is available through the BBC Sounds app.

Arsenal against London City Lionesses in the WSL is on Saturday at half-past one. And then at 5 o'clock on Saturday, England and Dora in a World Cup qualifier from Villa Park. John and myself are joined by Matt Upson and Phil Jones. Liverpool Everton in the WSL on Sundays at midday. That's Alley with Karen Bardsley and then International Duty again on Tuesday, live from Belgrade, Serbia against England in the company of Portland.

Robinson, but from the England camp, John Stones has withdrawn through injury. Yes, that was, I suppose, the main piece of news today, that John Stones, who's not yet played under Thomas Tuchel, and indeed hasn't played since last autumn, missed a lot of football with Manchester City last season. He did actually, if you remember Ian, at the end of last season when England went to Barcelona, he actually took John Stones along to be part of the group, as they call it, and has also spoken, as he has done here at St. George's Park today about the potential for John Stone's not playing in central defence for England

but playing in midfield as a number six and actually floated the possibility that he might have done that in Belgrade next week but it won't happen because he's gone back to Manchester City well if we can actually hear your conversation with the England manager Thomas that must be quite a loss John Stones to lose

him from your squad and your plans yeah because I'm a big fan of John his personality and his quality and he is such an experienced player and full of quality and winning mentality that it's a big disappointment. Most of all for him, he was very upset and sad to leave camp. We are as well.

But that's how it is. We need to find solutions and we will trust the players who are still in camp. And in his absence, there are no doubt about Mark Gay's state of mind after the past week and a half that he's had. I suppose he's probably not that sort of figure, is he? No, he's very calm, he's very composed. He's dealing brilliantly with it, I have to say. It's very impressive.

He had strong training session, keeps on going, as if nothing happened, basically. So this is very impressive. I think the whole way he tried, he handled the situation with his club Crystal Palace, how he played and how strong he played while he had the wish to change clubs was very impressive. Now the transfer is off and he will remain as a captain and the leader

of Crystal Palace and hopefully continue to write the success story for them. He's very strong in training sessions and absolutely ready to play. So John Bearing and mind we're going to be hearing from Dan Byrne in a moment. Who are you thinking is going to start

in the centre of defence? Well I'm assuming Dan Byrne is going to play because he came to speak to us earlier today here at St George's Park. And I don't know. Is it more likely to be Conzer, or will it be gay? And of course, what Thomas Tuchel and I was referring to there is the fact that this projected move to Liverpool

broke down just last Monday. So come Saturday, would gay play, or would it be Conza? The only thing is, is that Thomas Tuchel has talked about combinations, hasn't it? He's talked on the left-hand side, Dan Byrne and Mark Gahey, and on the right side, Ezri Concer and John Stones. So it seems strange for him to go with a Gahey, although he is right-footed, Gahey and Danburne. But we know Gaye can play as the right-sided central defender.

But this is the thing, going back to John Stones, I'd be fairly confident that had Stones not withdrawn. We would probably be looking at Stones and Gay as the two central defenders for these two matches, yeah? Did you hear, Ali, that Thomas Tuchel said it can feel like, little like Chewingham to break a block down like this? because he's expecting, obviously, the next two games to be opposition that's going to go 4-5-1. So we have to play with more energy and more enthusiasm. And so far, I'm sure that we will.

But that depends on your approach to chewing gum, doesn't it? You know, if you like the Sam Aladais where you are a vociferous cheuer, then you're going to have lots of energy. Whereas if you're more of somebody who just keeps the chewing gum in your mouth and doesn't chew... I actually heard Jonathan Agnew talking the other day. Do you remember

David Steele, who played for England in the mid-70? Yeah, was he at Leicestershire as well? Northamptonshire. Northamptonshire, it was. Jonathan Agnew was explaining and telling how David Steele used to actually, when he battered, and if he had a piece of chewing gum, he would actually, at the end of the day's play, would take it out, put it down edge of the bedpost, whatever, and would actually then take it up and actually go with the same piece of chewing gum

to resume his innings the next day? What, as a superstition? Well, I think the suggestion. suggestion was that um he didn't like to use too much chewing gum oh right so partially as as jonathan agne was called was telling us the other day on the airwaves they used to call david steel crime because crime never pays um i mean i think my attitude to chewing gum actually is i would be the opposite to david steel i i tend to change chewing gum very quickly so i'll lob a couple of tablets in it or lose its flavor lob a lot of

couple of more in so eventually it builds up to really quite a quite a big ball eventually that you eventually have to expel i'm not a chewing gum man actually no well i'll tell you what we'll get back on topic from chewing gum to chewing the cud with dan burn because i've been getting his thoughts on his old newcastle teammate now who's moved to liverpool alexander esac yeah i think it was frustrating coming into it knowing that there was a sort of something hanging over but listen i've been in football long enough now to understand how it works and football is a short career and people have got ambitions

and things they want to achieve so as a footballer again as a Newcastle fan obviously we're very passionate about the club and probably don't understand why people can't think that they can do that at our club which is I think that's just us as Newcastle fans in general but I'm just happy that it's over now I think Alex has got what he wants

which was the move and I think we've recruited really well I think if you look at our transfer window in general we've got good depth in every position now and the board have invested heavily and it could be a really positive season there's a broader point I guess for another day about what's the right way what's the wrong way but Mark Gahey obviously did it a different way

and that fell through how is Mark with your time with him yeah he's good I think we've not asked him too much about it to be honest but I think everybody's met Mark they know how calm and composed years he's obviously captain the palace and a real leader so I don't think that will affect his mentality at all. I think he's probably in a similar situation that he would have been.

If not, he's going into the last year of his contract. So I don't know personally, obviously what Mark wants or where he wants to go or what he wants to do, but I've seen no changing him from this camp to sort of previous camps of had with. What do you two think then about what's happened in the transfer window as well? Because, you know, there is a debate to be had about will we start to see more of this with players doing what Alexander Isak and Yuan Wissar

have done? Well I mean it was an extraordinary transfer window wasn't it off the back of a new broadcasting deal so all the records that were broken a large part of that is that yet again the Premier League's broadcasting income has just rocketed and

you know I feel their I mean the players play their part but also the agents play a huge part in this and I think that's almost goes unsaid You know, the record fees. Liverpool have twice broken, the British transfer record. And then, you know, 50 million, 60 million, 70 million pounds transfers are 10 a penny now in the Premier League.

And the agents are getting a huge chunk of that money. And that goes, in inverted commas, out of the game, doesn't it? You know, so there's a great debate, isn't there, about how this money is being spent at the top of the game. How much of it is actually percolating down the pyramid? Well, I know that an awful lot of it is percolating out of the pyramid to the agent. Yeah. In terms of players forcing the moves, Ian, I think, I mean, those are two really obvious cases we have had in the last month. But I would say twas ever thus in a way.

I mean, I think the player's power has got greater. But we've seen that sort of thing happen before. And I think eventually, you know, a lot of people were making the point, weren't they, that Mark Gahey, you know, certainly in the eyes of the Crystal Palace fans, did everything right. you know, showed real respect to the football club. And in the end, it's just, you know, knuckled down and got on with it and possibly maybe he'll get his move, you know, in January. Whereas the other two, Whisser and Isak, who you mentioned, basically said, right, we're not going to play for this club anymore

until we get the move and the move and the move was forced. And I think, actually, with the individual, in the end, whatever you think of that, it comes down to what you are happy with. And Mark Gahey clearly wanted to behave the way he did and the other two behaved the way they did. and I think in the end it just comes down to the player you know they can pretty much force it if they want to but I think in the end it's you know

can you then look yourself in the mirror the next day and think I've you know I've behaved in the correct way the other point I would just make very quickly that Dan Byrne made there is I do think Newcastle have in the end done well there with the Volta Marder and Wisser signings in terms of getting two different players in different types of player into play out front now I wouldn't be surprised actually if even though I think am I right saying they spent

more on Volta mater but actually I would go with I would have thought Wisser might be the one who gets more minutes to begin with just just having played in the Premier League a bit more and also you know players do get it Ian's just been talking to Dan Byrne who was saying that effectively said

there are no hard feelings between him and Alexander Isaac he said we are good mates we were speculating last Saturday at Ellen Road during the commentary I was talking about Anthony Alanga who was playing for a new Castle, was an international teammate of Alexander Isaac, how it might be in a couple of days

time when Alanga pitched up at Sweden's international camp. Alexander, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while. But, you know, the players understand that this is how it works. Well, don't forget, we'll have commentary of both England against Andorra from Villa Park on Saturday, 5 o'clock kickoff, and on Tuesday in Belgrade, live for that game against Serbia on 5. Live and the BBC Sounds app

and, a reminder, not just England, the BBC is showing all World Cup qualifiers for the men's teams of Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland live. Which is a great service. I watched Luxembourg Northern Ireland last night and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I thought Northern Ireland played very well. And did you see as well... He's a hard-time team talk from Michael O'Neill. Yeah, and did you see as well in that group? So Northern Ireland played Germany next. Germany lost to Slovakia in that group. Very much we saw that, with Nick Voltaimada starting up front for the Germans. There you go.

And, as we have said several times over recently, Slovakia are not the easiest nut to crack, as a Julian Nargelsman will now tell you. TCV at BBC.co.uk. Nile in Glasgow, as a player you would hope the pinnacle of your career is international selection. Is it the same for a commentator at Five Live? Do you feel that you have reached the pinnacle when you are, first selected to commentate on your country. Thank you for keeping me company on early morning walks with my dog and newborn son. Well, I'm not sure about that, Ian, but what I do know is that as time goes by, I almost have a greater love for international football. And I've always loved international football since I first got into football as a youngster. There's something

about international football, you know, certainly the tournament's World Cups, you know, I think it's the same for all of us. But I think increasingly so now, particularly, you know, off the back of transfer window where the biggest clubs can just spend and spend and spend. I love the conundrum that international managers have to solve if you have weak areas in your team. You don't have a left back. You've got to do something about it. And I think that makes now international football an even more purer form of the game. Nail, I would agree. I wouldn't necessarily say it's the pinnacle because every game that we do is a privilege and that doesn't mean to to sound too cliched, but I do recall

the first ever time I was doing England in 2009 and it was with you if you remember. Doha. Doha. In 2009 and Charlotte Nicol, our England producer at the time protected me to such an extent there was a media cricket game that was being played on the afternoon of the game.

England were playing Brazil in Doha in Qatar and I was refused to play in the game. She refused I was not given permission to play. She banned me from playing just in case I picked up an injury playing cricket, so therefore I couldn't play. I mean, I'm not too sure what injury she thought that I was going to pick up to prevent me from commentating later that night,

but yes, I was just told to rest ahead of my England debut. How many runs did you get, John? No, I didn't play in that game. What? I didn't play in that game. Oh dear. What I would say to Nile is we don't get, five live international caps do we like the players we're not giving caps for every

international game we do but what i would say i would agree with you both i think if we did that we could certainly and rightly be accused of being up ourselves yes but i would agree with you both that i think particularly for me at the major tournaments and i think particularly the world cup i mean i remember as a kid the first major football tournament i sort of remember properly it was the world cup in 82 you know that that italy brazil italy three brazil two game that amazing Brazil team but just the idea now when we're at these major tournaments I remember watching that then and it just seemed like a far off land just like you'd never get there but commentating on any international any team at a major tournament is an incredible thing

to do I love it yeah yeah the women's football weekly has found a new home it's a very own feed we've called it unsurprisingly BBC women's football weekly we'll continue to bring you the latest news insights and analysis from across the women's game They're throwing some big money around. I want to see how they line up, how everyone fits in. Episodes will be available every Tuesday as ever, alongside special, unfiltered player interviews from the biggest names in WSL and beyond.

To make sure you never miss an episode, just search for BBC Women's Football Weekly and hit subscribe once you get there. The commentators view on the Football Daily with Alistair Bruce Ball, John Murray and Ian Dennis. Talking of pinnacles, being Clash of the Commentators champion last season up there for you, Ali? Um, I mean, if I could defend the title, Ian, you know, that really would be quite something.

Well, we are now into our second round of fixtures because everyone has played everybody once. Ali beat John. I beat John. Everyone beats John. And then I beat Ali on Liverpool Arsenal players in that 4-4 draw from 2009. So the current standings am 2 from 2 The champion Ali is 1 from 2 And John after those 12 defeats in a row Zero from 2 So we're back to Ali versus John I'm going to give you a category

You'll have 30 seconds to give As many correct answers as you can And because I'm sat opposite John here at St. George's Park John Ali is going to have to go first So Ali is going to have to disconnect And once he does that He's disconnecting we're ready to go

he is disconnected this favours you big time by the way does it we've said that before England Andorra is our Saturday 5pm commentary on 5 live the two nations have faced each other

seven times since the inaugural meeting in 2006 England have scored 26 goals across those seven matches I want you to name any of the goal scorers England goal scorers versus Andorra your time starts now

Harry Kane, Olly Watkins, Dominic Salanki, Ivan Tony, Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen, Stephen Gerard, Frank Lampard, David Beckham, Paul Scholes, who else, Buchai Osaka, Declan Rice, Who hasn't. You know what I said that this favour's you big time? I've got a feeling that Ali might beat you. Oh, no. I was just going through the list in front of me and I'm thinking you might have only got four.

See, I then, I changed tack there to what you two told me to do. The Scattergan out-named. The Scatigan approach. Anyway, we'll have to wait for him to come back in now. Scatigan wasn't very accurate. You didn't think about the matches I just thought I'm just going to reel off names here

yeah yeah I'm sorry Saul Campbell didn't get a mention we're waiting for him to here he is I've waved to him but I should have given him the thumbs up yeah I thought that package has arrived at his door he's waiting for a package incidentally

for listeners have they been at the door they've not they've not John I'm waiting for a call no so I mean if the call comes now in the next 30 seconds we've got a problem because there's no one in the house be kiboshed. Yes.

That would have to go down as a forfeit, Allie. So without further ado, I'm going to get cracking. Yep. England Andorra is the commentary on Five Live. The two nations have faced each other seven times since they first met in 2006. England have scored 26 goals in those seven games.

I want you to name as many England goal scorers versus Andorra, and your time starts now. I mean, I wouldn't have a clue there. Let's go. Harry Kane, Kyo Saka, Cole Palmer, Declan Rice, Harry Maguire, Trent Alexander Arnold, Olly Watkins. Probably got to go further back than that.

What about players like, I don't know, Deli Alley, Jaden Sancho, Jordan Henderson. Let's go Stephen Gerard, Frank Lampar, Paul Skulls. Let's go all the way back there. That'll do. This is going to be tight. This is going to be tight.

When I saw the category, Ali, I said to John, after you disconnected, I said, this favours you big time. He'll have commentated on them all. I thought that John, when he went through his list, I thought he might only have about four there. I might have missed one. I think you got about five, but we'll wait for Nathan for the confirmation. Whilst we're getting the confirmation, so Crouch to Gerard and Defoe 2 in a 5-0 win. Jared got another two Nugent on his debut under Steve McLaren

Joe Cole also in Catello's first competitive match. You've got Runei Lampard Defoe again Lingard got a couple Kane obviously Chillwell Sacker Abraham Ward Prouse and Greenish in 2021 and then Harry Kane back in June

I remember interview on Chillwell after he scored that goal and it was during COVID and we were having to wear masks and it was on a very sort of cold night in in Andorra and as I was interviewing Ben Chilwell my glasses were steaming up

and after about 20 seconds I couldn't see him at all I always forget in these categories you should always say Rooney you should say Rooney to everything Rooney's always involved and I didn't say Rooney

So the result is in Please may it not be a draw You both gave 13 answers Right Allie, four correct. Yeah. However, the losing run has been banished because John cracked. Five corrects.

Cracked. I'll never have a word set against the Andorans again. You'd never have a better opportunity. That was, you were their heavy favourite going into that when I saw the category. And I delivered. Yeah, he delivered. So what's the issue? Your first win in 13.

the problem. He was due. He was due. I'm highly disappointing that. Down the defending champion. Yeah, yeah. That's back to back defeats now. Allie's in crisis mode. Ali's on a run now. I hope we're going to reference his losing streak as often as we've mentioned mine. Now time for the great glossary of football commentary. Hang on a minute. It's not time for that yet. It is. I'm ready to revel in my victory a little bit more first. Now it's time for the great glossary of football commentary where we add listener suggestions to our football-specific commentary terms and phrases

to our collection. TCV at BBC.co.uk. Chris in Newcastle, not upon time, but in New South Wales in Australia. Hello, gents. I love the pod, my favourite football show. Why thank you. I like yourselves, but very much in the early stages of my career, I am a football commentator. I primarily have called games in the NPL, which is the State's League. currently second tier in Australia and a league's women competitions I enjoy listening to the show on my drive to my matches on a Saturday most weekends I thought I would include this from a league semi-final a week ago between the Lambden Jaffers and Maitland magpies only some good signs of intent from

Cahill early on here is again it's past the first prods it into the box Bond with a strike up the crossbar where the Cucobar and sleeves the Jaffas hit the lead So that is the Australianification of where the owl sleeps. Had it been Maitland that scored not Lampton, then maybe I could have gone with where the magpie sleeps. Keep up the wonderful work, best wishes from Down Under Chris. Well, it was an inevitability, wasn't it, that a cuckaburow was going to feature at some stage?

I suppose we hadn't raised the possibility that it could be a cuckaburow already. That's excellent, isn't it? I mean, just goes on and on. It just, it's the gift that keeps on giving that one, isn't it? The way the owl sleeps. I would have thought the owl came before the cooker burrow. The cooker burrow has kind of been inspired maybe by the owl, but who knows?

Who knows? So that one was from Australia and, you know, we do, as we always say, Olivia, WhatsApp voice notes to 08,000, 289-369, and we've had this one in from the United States of America. Hello all, love the podcast, delighted to have you back for a new season. This is Rachel in Virginia, and I have a suggestion. for the glossary, namely to usher or to shepherd the ball behind for a corner. Would love to hear your thoughts. Yeah, I've used that already this season.

Me too. Every game. Is that not in already? No. The only question there is going to be, would it be used in other sports? Do you do that in other sports? Yeah, but we use it. I mean, that should be in the glossary of football commentary, because we use it so often.

It's not it. In fact, we don't have a glossary under the letter you. well do we know we are then yeah and that was from virginia have you ever been to virginia alie no i don't think so john i've been close i've been close but not rachel's actually in alexandria in virginia and i've been to alexandria in egypt if that counts not Alexandria right Virginia no maybe maybe is it a big place maybe we could stop off for the second stage of the world tour in the world cup next year when i was little i used to what did you watch

the Virginian that used to be on the television. It was a Cowboy series. It was one of my favorites when I was little, the Virginian. The next voice now comes from a regular contributor to this pod and actually the FPI, I nearly forgot the name of it there,

the FPL podcast from BBC Sport. Where you've done, Ali? What's it called this week? So this voice note comes from Spud in Cambridge. I feel pretty confident about this one getting in because both John and Ali used it in their respective games this weekend.

I don't know how much you've seen of Osceola, but he is, as we say, a bit of a bag of tricks. And he is quite ganglis tall. Support from Minto, clever touch, takes him into the area. Still Minto, hits the shot. Oh, my goodness me. What a goal that would have been. Trapper at full stretch was worried about that.

It's gone behind for the goal kick. But Minte, an absolute boxer tricks there, took himself past eight. So I think the only real question is, should it be a box of tricks or a bag of tricks? Maybe Ian Dennis can cast a deciding vote. Now, which one was first there? Was that Oscella on Saturday, wasn't it? Yeah.

And Minte on Sunday, Alan, had you been subliminally? I think that's just in my own personal, you know, that comes out now and again. But I think I would always go box rather than back. Bag? In a bag? Where are you going with that? Bag of tricks, box of tricks. He's a real box.

I don't know. Is he a box? Is he a box? Yeah. What do you think? Well, is the bag or the box? Is it going in regardless? I'll quite like to put that.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Osula. Not Osula. Osula. I actually think I listened to that on the pronunciation. Oh. I think I did listen to that on the pronunciation video.

Yeah. We can check that later. I'm sure Nathan will include that. At this very moment. William or Sula? One more time, please. William or Sula? I've got him on my phone, and he says Asula.

Well, I want to send that to Nathan. Well, Nathan will have it, and he'll play, and we will, it'll be proven. Definitively, without question. William or Sula. So, box or bag? Well, so there's two there. You've got to decide whether it's box or bag, but also whether it goes in the glossary. Can we have balls?

Does it go in the glossary? Does the term go in the glossary? Box slash a bag of tricks. Or would you use that in other sports? You would. Yeah. You probably would use it. Yeah, it can't go in there, can't.

I would quite like it in our glossary though. I'd probably go box over bag. Yes. Okay. You watch now. My next comment, I want to say a bag of tricks. And there's one I'll quite like to get in. Go on.

Which is, in fact, I think it is on a voice note, and it's the one that is from John in Shipley. Yeah. I saw this a couple of weeks ago. really like this one actually. I've got a little tale to tell about this one. Hi there, John, Ian and Ali. John Francis here, Bradford City fan. I was having a general chat about football with a friend the other day

when he said a phrase, I'm not heard in ages, but it is a phrase I've only ever heard in relation to football and it was often used in commentaries. Now, he said the team in question that he was talking about had defended like the Keystone Cops. Now, I know that these days you're more likely to hear

maybe, I don't know, the defence was at sixies and sevens, or they were all over the place because many younger people won't understand the Keystone Cops reference, but is Keystone Cops defending something that still comes to mind when you see terrible defending, or is it even said

now and again? If so, I'd like to add it to the glossary list, as I haven't heard it in relation to any other sport. Keep up the great podcast. Thanks a lot. So that's John in Shipley. We've also had that suggestion in from David in Bold and Colliery on South Tinside on the email.

And he says, surely, Keystone cops defending is something that only comes up in football. It's a bizarre one, given it references something from silent movie days of over a hundred years ago. It regularly gets an outing in commentary, yet I doubt many know where the cultural reference comes from. I myself had to double check, says David in Bolden Colliery, which is absolutely, I totally agree with that. When was the last time you used that as a phrase in commentary? Well, I've heard that. I have heard that. I have heard that this season. I've heard someone say Keystone Cops this season. What's a better question is, when was the last time that you actually saw the Keystone Cops on the silver screen?

Well, the game that this particular phrase reminds me of is when we did joint commentaries as five live, we had two commentators per game, and Darren Fletcher and I did Blackburn against Manchester United at Ewood Park and Manchester United had just signed Patrice Evera and Nomania Vidich and everyone thought I wonder what you know and obviously they came with good reputations but United

were an absolute disaster during that game and I think it was Darren who used the because it was it was so Keystone Copse-esque and that is a game I specifically linked that too because Darren also mentioned the idea he said the next thing that's going to come out on the pitch here is an exploding car and that actually really

made me laugh the idea of a cloud driving onto the field and an exploding car, but Vitch and Evera worked out okay. Our producer at this end, Gary Flintoff, has actually produced some video of the Keystone Cox, which is unfolding in front of our very eyes to the left. They've just dropped off a cliff, and at the moment one of them is lying on a bench with a truncheon.

They're fairly hapless, aren't they? Speaking of which... We've got some Keystone Cobbs' laptopery going on. I was going to say this whole pod is a bit Keystone Cops, isn't it, at times? Yeah, okay. So, to summarise, where the Cuckabarer Asleeps, yes? Yes. Usher, Sheppard, the ball out of play, for me, yes.

Box slash bag of tricks, yes. I think we're going to get picked up on box bag of tricks as it featuring in other sports. Keystone Cops defending, got a beat. Good. Let them pick us up. Okay, let them pick us up. A clean sweep. All four have been... Excellent. Well, as I've said to you in this season, it's my...

You know, it's up for you two to say no, because I'm very much of a mood to say yes and weigh virtually everything through it. John, you're opening floodgates. Well, I'm in the mood to say goodbye because that is it for this episode of the Football Daily. On the next one, we'll bring your reaction to England and Dora. And as for the commentator's view,

don't forget last week's episode, you can find all of them each and every episode on your Football Daily feed. Enjoy Belgrade, chaps, as well. Beograd. Yes. I'll tell you what I am hoping to do we're hoping to get to that tunnel

if we can get access on minus match day one the tunnel why do you laugh at that? Because you always call it minus match day one it's match day minus one. It's match day minus one. You've got into my head you know because you have you have it's almost last week I said you keep saying minus match day one

last week I said added on time and I thought John says I said so I actually then said added time and then I thought no I'm going back to added on time And then I listened to a local radio commentator in midweek who then said added on time And I thought well at least I'm not the only one That doesn't make it right Your minus match day one is almost like a sort of algebraic equation

The minus then you're going to open the brackets And you're going to open the brackets and put MD1 MD1 rather than match day minus one Yeah exactly Added on time is perfectly fine Minus match day one is wrong Minus match day one Yeah not to me it's not

I've got five days of this by the way Yeah Good luck with that Gary He scored goals, lifted trophies and broken records along the way. There it is! It's a day to remember to Wayne Rooney. And now he's got a podcast. Welcome to The Wayne Rooney Show.

Twice a week, Wayne Rooney, Kay Kerrude and me, Kelly Summers, break down the biggest stories in the Premier League and beyond. As much as you'd like to say it, loyalty in football now is no existence, whether that's fun players or managers. Plus, we'll hear the funniest, wildest and most outrageous stories from Wayne's career. The Wayne Rooney show. Everybody's talking about it. Listen on BBC Sounds.