Football Daily - The Commentators’ View: Toilet rolls & stolen wallets

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

John Murray, Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball catch up on their travels and the language of football commentary. John has a whole book of stories from his trip to Madrid, Ali calls the best goal he’s commentated on, and viral York City commentator David Ward joins the pod. Race Across the World winner Alfie Watts joins in the travel conversation. Plus, there are more unintended pub names from sport commentary and suggestions for the Great Glossary of Football Commentary. Messages, questions and voicenotes welcome on WhatsApp to 08000 289 369 & emails to [e-mail]00:30 John’s back with a bang! 03:50 John’s eventful trip to Madrid, 10:00 Ali calls best goal he’s commentated on, 12:50 Spoilt with 5 Live commentaries next week, 17:20 Viral York City commentator joins the pod, 25:20 Unintended pub and film names, 29:25 Race Across the World winner Alfie pays a visit, 41:25 Great Glossary of Football Commentary, 48:00 John’s pre-match meal.5 Live / BBC Sounds commentaries: Sat 1500 Brentford v West Ham with Ian Dennis & Andy Reid, Sat 1500 Newcastle v Brighton on Sports Extra, Sat 1730 Arsenal v Fulham with John Murray & Rob Green, Sun 1200 Man City v Liverpool in WSL with Chris Coles & Tash Dowie, Sun 1400 Bournemouth v Palace on Sports Extra, Sun 1530 Man Utd v Liverpool with Ali Bruce-Ball & Dion Dublin, Mon 1500 Chelsea v Forest with Lee Blakeman & Mark Schwarzer, Mon 1730 Hearts v Rangers with Ian Dennis & Pat Nevin, Tue 2000 Arsenal v Atletico with John Murray & Matt Upson, Wed 2000 Bayern v PSG with Conor McNamara & Chris Sutton, Thu 2000 Aston Villa v Forest with Ian Dennis & Dion Dublin.Great Glossary of Football Commentary: DIVISION ONE Agricultural challenge, Back of the net, Back to square one, Backside and elbows, Booked, Bosman, Bullet header, Channel of joy, Coupon buster, Cruyff Turn, Cultured/educated left foot, Dead-ball specialist, Draught excluder, Elastico/flip-flap, False nine, Fox in the box, Giving the goalkeeper the eyes, Grub hunter, Half-time in the tie, Head tennis, Hibs it, In a good moment, In behind, Lollipop, Magic of the FA Cup, The Maradona, Off their line, Olimpico, Onion bag, Panenka, Park the bus, Perfect hat-trick, Postage stamp, Put his cap on it, Rabona, Roy of the Rovers stuff, Schmeichel-style, Scorpion kick, Spursy, Stick it in the mixer, Sweeper keeper, Taking it to the corner flag, Target man, Tiki-taka, Towering header, Trivela, Where the kookaburra sleeps, Where the owl sleeps, Where the spiders sleep.

The Commentator's View on the Football Daily with Alistair Bruce Ball, John Murray and Ian Dennis. Hello, it's The Football Daily. I'm Ian Dennis, and this is the commentator's view, where we five live commentators talk about the football, the language of football commentary, and the travels it takes us on. And we have a full house. Ali Bruce Ball is with us, and John Murray is back from assignment and quite literally with a bang. you know, a large part of tonight will be about what Arsenal offer up front and, uh, and Michael Arte dea will be hoping. My goodness.

I've just been hit by a toilet roll. And to be honest, whatever happens now. Our evening is complete. All yours. We weren't expecting that. and all around the stadium I've got two toilet rolls in my hand. Great effects.

You actually even heard the thud of the toilet roll. So John, how are you? Andrix or velvet? Other brands are available. I think it's some Spanish brand. I think they probably were. That was...

Have you seen it? Have you actually seen what they did? Yes, I have. It was incredible. effective, but I mean, obviously it had been arranged in advance. I'd not heard that this was going to happen. The first I knew about it was when I was hit on their head. I didn't know what it was until it bounced into my hand.

And then I looked up and I saw toilet rolls coming down all around the stadium. And the sight of it was incredible. It really reminded me of Argentina 78 with the ticker tape. And, you know, to be in the midst of that. And it was honestly, it was like raining down on top of us. I think all of us ended up with toilet rolls in front of us in the commentary position. It was, yeah, something else. I don't think I've heard Hare Chapman as happy as that this season at any point.

Yeah, that certainly cheered him up, didn't it? It did. And the accusation from Chris Sutton that you brought a couple of rolls back with you? I didn't. I did not do it. I can rule that out. I can rule that out emphatically. Is it my memory though?

Or back in the day, and I'm thinking sort of like 70s and 80s, toilet rolls would be thrown from the terraces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, not in a choreographed style like that. No, no. And what I liked about that was, which was part of the whole Metropolitano experience,

which I think you both will have had. I certainly know you have, Ian. You know, it is so raw there. I mean, that's the place to watch football in Madrid. The Bernabow is great, but the Metropolitan is, where you really experience, you know, a proper atmosphere. And our colleague, George Cummins, one of our producers, was saying to me the other day,

he said, that's probably as close as you get to a South American experience or atmosphere in Europe. And I would agree with that. It was, you know, during the course of the evening, it was, you know, what you heard there was pretty much what we had going on around us. And the other question I've got to ask you, have you listened back to last week's episode with John Helm?

Do you know, I've not had time to do that yet. But I am going to do that. I'm going to break with tradition and I am going to listen to that at some stage. But I have not done it yet. When you say you haven't had time, you could have downloaded it and listened to it on the plane. Yeah, well, I had other things that I had to listen to on the plane, which were more pressing. Really? But honestly, I promise I will listen.

I promise I will listen. But I must tell you, because it was such an eventful trip to Madrid. I've got other things that I can talk to you about from Madrid. And in no particular order, you choose what you want to hear about. You can hear about my experience with petty crime. You can hear about visits of the Prado. You can hear about me and Chris having A-list celebrity brushes. Oh.

You can listen to Lost Passport Story. You can listen to... Oh, and you can listen to Pre-Match Meal, which is quite... You'll enjoy that one as well. This sounds like an episode of all of itself. Honestly, it was such an eventful trip. I would go with a, I don't know what you, Ali. I think, are you well, by the way, Ali, first of all?

Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'm very well, thank you. I don't know. I don't know about you. I'd want to go petty crime. You will not believe this, but on my way back from, because I had a later flight back from Madrid. So that's why I made a visit to the Prado.

So I went to the museum, blah, blah, blah. on the metro on the way back, for the second time I had my wallet stolen. No. I've had my wallet stolen on the Madrid Metro for a second time. That's careless. How unlucky is that? In my almost 60 years on this planet, I've had a wallet stolen twice, and both of them have been on the Madrid metro.

And I'm telling this actually as a public service announcement, because that shows that if you're going to Madrid, which is one of the most fantastic cities that we go to. I think it's a brilliant, brilliant place to visit, but you really have to be careful on the metro. I'm just wondering whether the petty crime in the A-list-celegged story's mixed. Your wallet wasn't Nick by Beyonce, was it, John?

So I can tell you the lost passport story mixed in with the celebrity spotting. It wasn't your passport, was it? No, it wasn't. I didn't lose my passport as well as my wallet. when I was arriving, as I was about to leave the airport and get onto the metro, I got a call from our engineer, Oain, who in doing all of the things he had to do with the various forms that you have to fill in at the airport when you carry radio equipment, he managed to leave his passport at the airport, and he rang in a panicked style and said, can you pick up my passport

from the airport? And so I went and did that. But when I'd been there, picking up my bag when I came off the plane, I walked past another luggage carousel, looked to my left, and I thought, there's Stephen Frye. And it was Stephen Fry at the luggage carousel. And he was looking quite exasperated, actually, and there weren't any bags on the carousel, but I just carried on. Anyway, when I had to go back and pick up the passport, I was then walking back towards arrivals, and there was Stephen Fry again, surrounded by a coterie of people who were looking after him and he'd obviously received his bag. Were you with Chris Sutton at the time? Because they're probably neighbours in Norfolk,

can't they? Well, there's every chance of that. But Chris, who is our summariser in Madrid, told us he got a very, very early flight back. And Chris told us, who else was on his flight? But David Cameron, former Prime Minister, David Cameron. So Stephen Fry and David Cameron, that's not a bad double. Yeah. You are definitely Jonah. That's twice now. Your wallet's been nicks. Yeah. And they are, I have to say, it's incredible how they do it. You know, that I know, I know what happened. What happened? Talk us through it. I think it was one of those things where they have like a false bag. Do you know what I mean? Like a false bag or false arm. So this guy was right up next to me in the metro. And I just, I could hear, I could feel a vague because we were packed in together. And I just thought, is that, is that or is it not? And anyway, the door's open then he's gone yeah false bag and false arm are quite different things well he had a big

bag and he had like his arm as was as if it was over the bag and he was right next to me and i think it was i think it could could have been a false a fake arm a prosthetic arm yeah prosthetic arm but next time i got i don't know whether any of you have red tintin but i think it's in one of the editions where where Thompson and Thompson, the detectives, keep getting their wallet stolen. And in the end, the Thompson twins attach elastic to their wallet. And that's how they catch the pickpocket. So next time I go to Madrid, I'm attaching elastic to my wallet.

You know what you need to do next time you go to Madrid? You need to follow the notion of the other Thompson twins and hold me now. That was one for those who were fans of pop music in the 80s. Anyway, John hasn't listened to last week's episode, but Colin in Dublin did. John Helm is broadcasting gold. You have to get him back on TCV and Liverpool fan Tony. How fantastic to hear John Helm.

Absolutely sharp as attack. Still a huge depth of knowledge of history and feel for the modern game. What a professional. He could do a one-man show. with his history of the game and the tales he must know of. And remember, TCV at BBC.com.com. if you wish to get in touch. Or the WhatsApp thingy is 08,289-369.

And Southampton fan Tim has written in actually to say, thanks for the great podcast. I'm a regular listener on our usual dog walk around meadows on the outskirts of Hereford. I was up at Wembley at the weekend for the Saints Manchester City semi-file. and I've been catching up on the coverage via IPlayer and BBC Sounds, as John often says. You can always do that through the BBC Sounds app.

It gives you that facility to rewind. I think I might have found something to rival Ian's Rice, Rice, Rice, Baby. Just as Saints were enjoying their brief lead, ABB, came up with an absolute purler alongside Izzy Christensen. What a goal. They have had no action down this end in the second half of Southampton fans. But my word, that was worth waiting for. smash and grab what a smas

pizzazz from Azaz what a wonderful wonderful strike with his right foot pizzazz from Azaz fantastic phrase the man's a poet keep up the good work

and in the ongoing clash of the comment in his case just this for John did you say that again no we've moved listen you've delayed us enough with everything else

that's been going on with your tales of your woe in Madrid Ali that was another great line from you but Izzy gave a nice line about Wellington and Brie. Yeah, yeah, we had a lot of fun actually with that game. And do you know what? I think

the three minutes from the point of which Azaz scored that goal and the brilliant thing was that he scored it at the end that the Southampton fans were all at and they were all in those yellow and blue kits. So it was like yellow and blue fireworks going off. I think that's one of the, it's one of the best goals I've commentated on live. I mean, it was for a for a game of that magnitude and Manchester City were all over Southampton, particularly in that second half. The touch, the turn, the instinctive shot to then find the top corner. What added to it was Trafford full stretch. Couldn't get anywhere near it.

It was so well hit. Then the celebrations. That three minutes was brilliant because you were sort of living in amongst that Southampton joy, but it only lasted for three minutes. And I think Manchester City probably deserved to win the game. But no, yes, I chatted to Izzy about Wellington playing at left back. I used the very obvious pun in the first half of Wellington putting his boot

in da da da da da da da da da but Izzy had actually spotted that Wellington and Bree James Bree were playing in the same Southampton defence and did a lovely little link on sort of if the game had been at Christmas time and your plate being a bit full with the old beef Wellington and Bree

it was brilliantly done actually it made me laugh out loud in comedy it was very good it was a very good listen and then I listened across to to finish the the conclusion of your game John which was equally as nervy wasn't it Arsenal Newcastle? It was

yes and Newcastle actually played quite well in that match and I thought very interestingly when Eddie Howe came in and spoke to us in the media room afterwards amongst the things that he said was that Newcastle he said we're going to

have a very big summer on and off the pitch and I thought bearing in mind the speculation about his future and they lost that game. That was five defeats in a row. I thought that was quite a statement from him to make a clear that in his mind, he's going to be the Newcastle manager. Well, the commentaries that we've got coming up on Five Live and the BBC sounds at from Saturday right the way through until Thursday, we have a feast of football to look forward to. And actually, even before we get to the commentaries, the climax of the football league season with Mark Chapman from 12, bearing in mind the championship games kick off at 1230

and there's so much at stake where you've got three teams looking for automatic promotion and then you've got the playoff position as well where three teams are looking to try and get into the playoffs that will be a captivating listen in itself then Brentford West Ham which will have ramifications as far as the relegation is concerned at three but then we've got League 1 and League 2

which is again so much on the line in those two divisions so I would urge anybody on Saturday afternoon just to be in the company on Five Live Sport because it should be a really, really good listen. And then Johnny's back covering Arsenal for Fulham at 5.30 with Rob Green. Sunday, Manchester City's women are looking to take another step nearer to the title of the WSL against Liverpool. That's at 12. Bournemouth Crystal Palace.

Ali's joined by Dionne Dublin after that for Manchester United Liverpool. Bank holiday Monday, we've got Chelsea Forest and then Hart's Rangers, which will be significant regarding the Scottish title at 5.30. And then what a triple header next Tuesday. Arsenal Atlatico in the Champions League, buying Paris Saint-Gamain on the Wednesday night, and then the return leg of Aston Villa, Nottingham Forest.

So so much football to look forward to. Just linking that all together, Ian, I actually eschewed what people are calling the game of the century on Tuesday night, which is obviously the PSG-Bying game in the Champions League, to focus in on the EFL. And Southampton 2, Ipswich 2, I'll tell you, was one hell of a game.

So you're right, that's going to be absolutely brilliant. And in terms of my game coming up, this weekend. So Manchester United Liverpool, I don't know if you guys ever have these days, but I thought, right, we're recording this podcast today at 11 o'clock. That gives me, that gives me a good three hours before the pod to start prepping Manchester United Liverpool. And I've just had one of those days where, you know, the plumber arrived to service the boiler. I had to go into the loft to fish something out for whatever we're doing this week. I just haven't got started. Three hours has just gone like that. And I've not done a single thing. Do you ever get that?

the day where you think, you know, I've got a solid window. That's every day. Welcome to my life. Yeah. I've still got to cut the grass, John. You need to cut it before the rain arrives. Exactly. I've got to do it today. Exactly. You should be like Hare Chapman and have someone who does that. Yeah. Not for me. I suspect.

We should also say thank you to Bayern Munich for granting us access to the second leg of that tie. so Connor McNamara and Chris Sutton will be heading off there and at the same time I should also say well done to Connor McNamara for winning the Sports Journalist Association Sports Commentator of the Year award when we were at the London Palladium on Monday night and I think Connor was very chuffed although he wasn't there to receive it so we had the classic Connor can't be here tonight

because he's commentating on Manchester United at Brentford instead. But he posted a nice video on his social media where he'd just come off the gantry at Old Trafford and he'd been had a barrage of text messages saying congratulations. I wasn't aware he was doing that. So when I sent him my message, I just say, I hope you're having a good night.

And then he said, I've been at Old Trafford. So normally I'm sure he would have celebrated long into the night. I said to him in the build-up to that event, I said, you ought to get yourself moved off that match, Manchester United Brentford. You should come to the London Palladium, and he didn't. Yeah. Just to blow the Five Live trumpet and John Murray's trumpet,

because we know he won't blow it himself. Five Live 1-2 there. Connor, number one. I know Connor commentates for other organisations as well, but John Murray, runner-up, very good. I think it was Conner's Leon, Manchester. or Manchester United Leon commentary that very much

was the deciding factor there. I've been bridesmaid now for two years in a row. Yeah, but you have won it before. Well, not but I want to blow my own trumpet, but I have indeed. I often say if you don't blow your own trumpet, nobody else will.

Talking of blowing a trumpet, BBC Radio York commentator, David Ward joins us because we have this special guest for what has been a busy season. of commentating on a lot of goals and we talk about Connor and that Manchester United

Leon game and all the excitement that that provided quite the crescendo to the season following York City in that promotion decider against Rochdale. Joe Gray still got it fits it through to Stones

on the right side stones pulls it back goalkeeper save with these four still not kept out to the back post it goes Callum Howe heads towards goal scumbled in is over the line

it's there! We've done it! We are doing it! We are doing it! York City have done it! Now it's dead, do we bathe the pink? Can you believe that? We have done it.

We're going back to the football league. The scenes get in there. The promised land is here for York City. Desolation everywhere. We have done it. Have you ever known anything quite like that I and done? Told you. I lost my voice.

I told you there's a chance. There's always a chance in football. believe and you deserved it. These boys deserved it, David. There's always ever, never, ever give up. This team never ever gives up. We always score!

We always score! Well, Marking York has said hi, I would like you to consider David Ward's commentary of Rochdale v York for the accidental pub names, The Promise Land. In the middle of quite a chaotic scenes, he came up with a gem. Has the voice recovered?

Just about guys, yeah, morning Before we get going Can I just apologize to Rob Knothman? So I probably just broken every rule in the book now. Here's one for you, David. How many people that you know of already have that as their ringtone? There must be people who've got that,

York City vans who've got that as their ringtone, already must have. Yeah, I know a couple of guys who've put it as their ringtone. Honestly, reaction has been absolutely ridiculous to it. It was an absolutely crazy game. It's been a crazy season to be honest with you. You heard me saying there at the end, we always score, we always score.

114 goals York City have scored this season. That was the 41st successive game they'd scored it. And throughout we're thinking, surely they'll get one goal. One goal will do it. Rochdale will need two then. But then when Rochdale scored in the 95th minute, I think it was, as I said, it was just, it was ridiculous. It was absolutely ridiculous. You know, don't you, for as long as you commentate,

you might never commentate on another match, quite like that. That is, you know, for the two teams to be playing each other on the final day of the season. I don't think we'll see that in the Premier League, for example.

You know, I know the fixtures are random, but very, very, very rarely end up with big teams playing each other on the final Sunday. So for you to have that scenario there, it's like the dream scenario for a commentator, isn't it?

It is. My mind, looking ahead to the game last week, was going back to 189. the Liverpool Arsenal, Michael Thomas game at Anfield. That was the closer thing I could remember to the scenario where he had the top two going at it in the last game of the season. But I don't think anything will ever, ever beat that.

Actually, the first person I went on the pitch at the end when we went on to do the player interviews, and I went straight to the York City goalkeeper who I'm in quite a lot of contact with throughout the weeks. He keeps a massive record of all his clean sheets. And he's joint fifth in the all-time list for clean sheets for York City. He was desperate to get that fifth place by himself. to Harrison Maley was the first person I went to

and I was like Harrison I am so pleased that you conceded that goal today because if you hadn't you would have never have given us that ending David I'm presuming I've only just thought of this actually but how close were you to I'm presuming BBC Radio Manchester had a team there to commentate on Rochdale

so how close were you to them how aware were you of their commentary when Rochdale scored and actually I've not listened back to what it sounds like that goal the York Equalizer on BBC Radio Manchester. Have you heard that? I haven't. They played it actually on Sports Report. Chapas played it. We played their commentary on BBC Manchester at the York goal back to back without a commentary off the back. So you can imagine

they're slightly different. We had Chris Coles who was there for you guys on Five Live as well, who was directly behind us. It was quite nice, actually, that he was there because we go back quite a long way. I did a couple of games with Chris Coles nine or ten years ago for BBC Radio York. So for him to be there as well and witnessed that dramatic. ending. It was just a great day all round. It couldn't have been any better. What was the reaction of the Rochdale supporters around you? Because I've done a commentary

from Spotland and you're right in the thick of it and when you're getting excited as you are, sometimes I think you can lose yourself in the moment and then all of a sudden everyone starts to look at you, don't it? Because you're making such a noise. Yeah, I have to be fair. They were brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. There were no issues

whatsoever. And as soon as the game had finished, they're all coming up to us, congratulating us on going up. I think there's a lot of respect between the two sides. Out of everyone on the National League circuit, we have really good relations with the guys at Rochdale, and we've been in communication as well throughout last week, and then even since the game. So I think there's a lot of hope from outside York City,

but also within South, the football club itself, and everyone associated with them, that Rochdale can get up in the next couple of weeks, because York and Rochdale were so far ahead of everybody else. I think it'd be a bit of a travesty if they fall at the final hurdle. Just in terms of going to that game, David, before it all played out. Obviously, in those closing moments,

you are very much in the moment in commentary. You're just reacting to what you're seeing, and your reaction perfectly exemplifies how the York City fans would have been feeling. Before you went to the game, did you have in mind anything, you know, in terms of potential scenarios, how it might play out, phrases you might use?

Do you work like that at all or not? No, not really. Even if I had done that, to be honest, for that game, you're never going to dream of that scenario, you. So I don't think even if you guys had have gone there, it's very, very hard to prepare for an ending like that. And even if you do take notes, I think we all know, not much time to look down at your notes, have you. You're just sort of seeing what's going out on the pitch in front of you and just going with the flow, really. The producer of this podcast, David, Nathan,

has suggested that maybe it's a commentary that the Shetmate might want to do. And we've just mentioned, we've just mentioned Connor and his commentary on Manchester United, Leon, which which was brilliant. So I don't know. We've got a lot of listeners in Australia to this podcast. So I would suggest if anyone's got a connection

to the Shepmates, then they should be having a little look at your commentary. That would be the ultimate accolade, wouldn't it? Those two guys are great, aren't they? I remember that commentary from that Leon game last year.

They did a great job of that, and as they have done on lots of different commentaries. It has been heard around the world. I got a message this morning from a friend in New Zealand saying it had been on their version of the Radio 4 Breakfast show.

where they played it as an un-final in New Zealand, and I know it was played in the Middle East on the radio station over there as well. So it has travelled, shall we say, a little bit more than I thought it would do. Well, when I heard it on Five Live Breakfast last Sunday morning, Stefan Powell, who was presenting, he declared it's the best commentary he's ever heard. So there you are. Top of the tree.

I'm not sure that's true. I'm not sure that's true. I'd heard that as well, but yeah, I think he needs to listen to a little bit more of you, guys. Well, you can guarantee now it's been played on the TCV. It will have been heard in Adelaide because we've got so many listeners in Adelaide for our next stop on the world tour

that they'll know all about David Ward and also for getting in the Promise Land as well, that intended pub name. So thanks for joining us, David. Hope you have a good summer. You too, guys. Good to see it. Yeah, look forward to the Promised Land. I do, thank you.

So we're talking of the pub names from our sport commentary. Before we bring in our next guest, This is from Jody in Huntingdon, who was listening to the goals flying in during the commentary I did last weekend of Wolf Spurs. It is all happening on BBC Radio 5 live. Porra meanwhile drills over the cross, beaten out of the near post. Comes towards Tell.

Spurs lead by a goal to nil. What a day of fluctuating fortunes of football on BBC Radio 5 live, regardless of the division. Jody says the fluctuating fortunes would be a seedy backstreet gambling den featuring poker, bar skittles, dominoes and other pub classics,

well known to be a bit dodgy, and a place you definitely need to know how to handle yourself as things can get dicey. That is a good... I do like that one. And actually, just when you mention it, Ian, Pat Nevin, who was with me

at the Chelsea, Manchester City FA Cup semi-final on the Sunday, said he actually went back and listened to the last 15 minutes of the 3 o'clock kick. from last Saturday afternoon and Pat was saying that was urging listeners to do that because he said it was a brilliant and I was listening to it live because I was sitting waiting for the Arsenal Newcastle match to kick off and it was it was very very

exciting I must say as it tends to be it's a great time of the season on this isn't it it is it is it's the it's the best time of the season and also on the unintended pug names Matt from East Sussex says just on a run ahead of the Belfast marathon and I heard a great shout for an unintended pub name on 5 Live from Jane Lewis. Yeah, Rangers Nail Motherwell 2 that's a scoreline that did not go down well with the Rangers fans

because the players left the pitch I can tell you there's a chorus of booze in Ibroxas surrounding the players as they walked off. But yeah, they just have... The chorus of booze which Matt says sounds like an absolutely fantastic

little pub for an away day. Let's squeeze in an unintended film name as well. So pub names and film names on TCV as always. This comes from Kidaminsdafan Sean who was listening to Mike Maynays updates at Manchester United Brentford. And unfortunately there if Brentford's opportunity goes away from them so they don't manage to get the equaliser having said that now. Tiago is goal side of heaven. Tiago trying to stand the ball into the bottom right hand corner saved by Lomans down to his left hand side. It's a goal side of heaven. That's a great one.

That's going to be some schmaltzy American film, isn't it? Gold side of heaven. Sean, does I'm not creative enough to come up with a plotline for it. John's already at work on that. But I thought it would make a great film title. Thank you, Sean. Excellent. Well done, Mike, my name.

That's a film I would not be going to see. Well, now all of a sudden, I think that we need to challenge the listener to come up with a plot line to entice John to watch the goal side of heaven. And the best one, we will read out next week. So TCV at BBC.com.com.

Or the WhatsApp to 08,289-369. And that's whether it's a film name or an unintended pub name. So thank you for all your contributions. 5 live. Patrick Kulthy. Stumble in your way into Saturday mornings with great guests.

Good morning, Jimmy Nesbitt. Good morning. The party. You're terrible. Kids taking down commentators. You've wiped the floor with our commentator, Kay. How does it feel? It feels nice.

Football chants from the gods. Take me home. The last celebrate the host, the better. Patrick Kilty, Saturday's from 9. Listen on BBC Sounds. The commentator's view on the Football Daily with Alistair Bruce Ball, John Murray and Ian Dennis. Now time for another special guest,

someone who knows all about what it's like travelling across the world to get to various places in time, Race Across the World winner from Series 4 and now co-host of the podcast, Race Across the World The Detour, Alfie Watts. Welcome Alfie. Good afternoon, gentlemen.

How are we? Very well. How are you? I'm really good, thank you. I mean, I've had better football lives. Well, I've had better football times in my life because I am unfortunately a Totman fan. But, yeah, all good.

And in terms of you travel, have you ever had your wallet stolen twice in Madrid? Not twice in Madrid. I did have my bag stolen last week in Peru, if that counts. Did you? And while it was in it, yeah. Oh, so we've got common ground.

We've got common ground. What else was in the bag? My laptop, my camera, my microphones. Yeah, about three grand. Oh, that's a car. Compared to me, that's terrible. So you must have been absolutely high and dry then without that. Or did you have your phone?

Yeah, and thankfully, Apple Pay basically allows you to still pay on your cards, even when they've been frozen and deactivated. So that was a lifesaver. That's a good piece of advice. I wish I knew that before. Yeah, Apple Pay generally tends to keep your cards active. Yeah, it's been a stressful week. And also, I've already given our listeners

public service advice about Madrid. What were the circumstances? And how could you have avoided that? I met my friend for some food. And some legendary pickpocket must have just picked it out from under our table because I had it and then I didn't. Did they use a false arm? Wow.

I mean, I'd love to know. The only way that I was basically what I was doing, I was tracking my laptop with a chip that I've got in it. So I was chasing the guy around the city. Yeah, it's some stupid film. And then he just ran on the metro and then I had my shop. Do you know what? On a similar theme, because I'm not sure whether you heard,

Alfie, my wallet was stolen on the Madrid Metro earlier this week. And in a very similar thing, I kind of knew it. And as he left the metro, a bit like you in that split second, I was thinking, do I chase him or do I not? Is it worth it? I'm not sure that's wise, so I didn't. No, and particularly in South America, I did not fancy myself if this guy just happened to have some friends that were around him.

I was not particularly keen on that battle. So, yeah. And also, as I've discussed on here, I've recently done a public order. awareness course and I think that taught me that that's not what you do so that so it's already paid dividends I thought like I need to do that course the false arm is a good unintended pub man but alphe alphe I've got a question for you about race across the world and obviously now doing the podcast you've you've done both sides of it so you've been a contestant but now you're sort of working on the show and broadcasting I always think when I'm watching it so my wife and I'm

massive fans of race across the world. We absolutely love it. That you're moving around with a camera crew at all times, aren't you? So camera sound, that makes you a target in a way, because people can see you are different, you are other, and you've got lots of stuff with you. But equally, you're a bigger number there. Do you know what I mean, in terms of looking after your stuff? So how does that work? It's actually a really good point, and it's so we don't get asked that often. So basically, you're right. There's positives and negatives to it because, you know, for some people it's a bit like, or a big camera crew, I'm not going to go anywhere near them. But then for some people who have like probably got, you know, who want to kind of, I guess, be on camera.

It's like, yeah, I'll help you out. And, you know, it really is like, it works in, it works in both ways. But one thing it definitely helps with is the safety element. I mean, you'd have to be pretty brave to go up to a camera crew and the size that we've got and, you know, try and do anything. Because we spend a lot of time in hotel rooms as well. Of course. Covering the football. what makes your what do you want out of a hotel room what would you know the simple things oh that's just good um actually so for me private bathroom and a bed yeah it's good but this is interesting so that that's where that's where i draw my line like if it has those two things

then chances are i can probably get on with it what's what's the line for you guys do you know i don't like and i'm very different to ian in this regard i actually don't don't like too big a room. Yeah. I find that when the room's too big, there's too much space. I like it to be quite contact. Do you prefer, because I imagine you would have stayed in some sort of nice hotels. Like, this is very, I can't think, first world conversation.

You say that, you say that, Alfa. Do you prefer? You know, you know this is the BBC, don't you? Do you prefer a rain shower or one that you can like hold? I used to be the like you say the one you hold I've now sort of transition to the rain shower definitely you don't be holding the shower

absolutely no I'm saying the one you hold the one that's at an angle that comes out of the wall okay nice yeah I prefer the I now prefer the rain shower yeah definitely yeah so on that I got a minute I want to know what Ian wants what does Ian prefer I would go for the whole hog I would go for the one there's on the board on

at the angle, the rain shower, and then also the jets that sort of like attack your body at various points, the knees, the waist. I'm not in those hotels. Hotels are you saying in. Yeah. That is, that's not great for the planet either. That's too much water, Ian. I'll tell you what, so in terms of, you know, you just said there, Alvi, private, private bathroom and, you know, under bed. So on one of my adventures with the BBC last year,

We flew out to cover the Masters in Augusta. We flew into Atlanta. And there was me and our engineer, Richard. And the reason I was traveling with Richard was, I've worked with Richard for many years, so that he had like six cases, massive cases of broadcasting kit that he needed help with at each end,

basically to get them from A to B. We land in Atlanta about two hours late, and there is one heck of a storm on, basically. So a lot of flights are grounded in Atlanta. Now, there are loads of hotel options around Atlanta Airport, and that was our plan to stay in a hotel in Atlanta before doing the sort of two and a half hour drive to Augusta the following morning. Anyway, we get to our hotel just after midnight.

This would be a classic on race across the world. Get to the desk. We open the book as if to see where are... They've sold our rooms. They've not heard from us. Our rooms have gone. So Richard and I now don't have a room. There's nothing left in the hotel.

And we think, right, you know, we've just come off a nine-hour flight. We can't drive in this weather to Augusta. We're going to have to find another hotel. So we're driving around Atlanta Airport. We went to six, seven different hotels. Eventually we get to one. I can't remember which chain it was.

They've got, they said, no, we can help you out. We've got a room. We've got one room. And I'm thinking, well, it's going to have to be. It's going to have to be. So we then said, right, please tell me there's two beds in there. Yes, there are two beds. but you would have laughed honestly

because that whole thing about sharing each other's space so we've worked together for many years but that's a really you know that's quite an uncomfortable thing to have to do to get undressed for bed if you'd seen us sleeping in the double bed I was literally left wing of one and Richard was right wing of the other

and the politeness that we were sort of showing each other in terms of your turn in the bathroom honestly it was it was comic it was absolutely disastrous in terms of a travel tale but we did survive it Now you mentioned Atlanta Airport, and I was going to say, Alfie, the thing I can't stand is air conditioning. Air conditioning drives me mad in a hotel room.

Really? Yeah. And anyway, this hotel, similar scenario to Ali, got to this hotel room in Atlanta Airport, went in the room. And I thought, what's that? And it's like, whirm! And it's like my hair's flying. And I think, what is it? It's the air conditioning unit.

Where is it? It's right next to the bed. And it was late, late at night. just like Ali says, I'm trying to, where's the switch for this thing? Couldn't find the switch. Couldn't find the looking everywhere. Can't find the switch. It's blowing the whole time.

Went back to reception. They said, no, you can't switch it off. It's on all the time. And I, actually, I had, I went to bed and I piled up pillows and the duvet. I'm like hiding behind this force 10 from Navarone and I barely slept. Do you know what, right? This is, this is a common thing that I get in my messages is about. American travel horror stories.

And I think I can just say on behalf of all of us, I'm just really glad that there's no major sporting event happening this year that's going to make other people have these horrendous stories. I flew to Chicago last year in July and flights were grounded in that city for three days because of summer storms. Like, it's going to be a nightmare.

It's just dawned on me, Alfie. You were in Bilbao last year for the Europa League final. Correct. That was me. Yeah. all of a sudden I've just had a flashback. Because I was going to ask you the question before we let you go. How have you kept, when you were on your travels, how did you keep it in touch with Tottenham and how they were doing?

Funny story about this, actually. So obviously, it's been quite a miserable few years as a Tottenham fan, apart from like some very select moments. Well, yeah, exactly. So, but you would argue that that first 10 games under Antiposte Coglu is probably the best Tottenham Hotsby fans have felt ever. Those 10 games were the in total. entire eight weeks of which I was away on race across the world.

I came back and it was the game we lost one nil to wolves in the last minute. And since then, we have just been rubbish. Can I ask as a fan of race across the world? Can I ask one more really quick question, Alfie? And I bet you get asked this a lot. When the teams choose their routes to go on, as in right, you've got to get from A to B and these are your destinations you could go this way, you could go that way. Surely you're not all allowed to choose the same route.

Surely the producers must say, you might not be able to reveal this, but it would be a boring show if everyone went the same route. Yeah, I mean, I think there's no like particular, there's no like groundbreaking rules or regulations, but they're very clever with the job directory. Basically, if you want to work, which obviously everyone needs to because you need to top up your budget, the jobs are dotted about in different cities along the route.

So just naturally, when you choose to go and do work, you just naturally divide. That's just, it's quite cleverly done. But yeah, that's the only reason is because, And also, like, you know, there are opportunities, you know, you'll be told about certain, like, tourist attractions and things like that that you can go and see. And there are some things that you just don't want to miss, you know, particularly in this series in Series 6, you know, these guys probably aren't going to be going back to Uzbekistan and things like that. So to kind of see those things in the moment, that's kind of priceless for them. So sacrificing a bit of time to go and see that.

And then naturally people kind of just divulge. Someone in the production team, I don't think it was for this tournament, for one of the major football tournaments, had the idea. of a sort of, I mean, for this summer, it would be race to Mexico City. So you put John with Matt Upsen, you know, Ian, you go with Pat, I go with Chris Sutton, give us a budget. I mean, to be honest, we'd have to set off about four weeks before the World Cup. It's a complete starter. But it would be brilliant fun, wouldn't it? To be racing as commentary teams.

Here's your budget. It's $150. Get from Boston Central to the stadium. Good luck. Well, Alfie, great to see you again. Thanks for joining us. And good luck to Totham for the remaining. of the season.

Yeah, we're going to need it, I'm afraid. Yeah. That's Alfie Watts, co-host of Race Across the World, The Detour, which you can find on BBC Sounds and IPlayer. Now for our great glossary of football commentary as we add commentary terms and phrases to our collection, you can find the entire glossary in the episode description.

Division 1 for football exclusive terms, Division 2 for terms used in football commentary, but also used in other sports. Last week we had a load of Division 2 entries, including the most. Magic Sponge. This week, we've got a voice note and one email for you. Let's start with this from JAR in Solihull. I think this might go into Division I, because I don't know of any other sport at the moment at least that does games across aggregate scores, but I think the phrase

half-time in the tie when it is the end of leg one is a very appropriate considering how much it is used. So I do think this could go into Division One, but I understand that it might go into Division 2, considering there were other sports that used to do games on aggregate. What do you guys think? Division 2? Do you think Division 2? Which other sports? Yeah.

Which other sports? Which other sports would have two-leg ties where you would say, but of course it's only half-time in the tie? I'll tell you the equivalent, but it's not the same phrase, is cricket in a test match when both teams are batted once. You're not halfway through the test match, are you? That's the famous saying about, well, let's see when the other team are batting. But it's not the same thing. But the phrase, it's only half time in the tie. The tie.

Did they not do a rugby clash of Union Against League where they played one version at one team's ground? And that would have been on a complete one-off. That would have been an aggregate. That's a niche. Yeah, but I'm just saying. I think Division 1 for that. Yeah, I'm going to agree with John here, I think.

All right, okay. Outvoted. And we do. We say that all the time, don't we? Yeah. How about this one from Doug, from London? Loving the podcast, lads. I've been listening since the start.

It occurs to me, I can think of a few terms that need to be added to the glossary. Some Division I'll let you figure that out. And he says, Doug, I took the liberty of writing them into a short story. any resemblance to a certain team from N17 is purely coincidental. So it goes. Picture the scene. A sleeping giant is struggling just above the drop zone. This week they play the team that's eight points adrift at the bottom of the table.

It's a proper relegation six-pointer. Normally, you'd expect them to run up a cricket score. But given their recent troubles, this is a real banana skin. It's nil-nil in second half injury time. It's been a snooze fest so far. But suddenly the minnows awake. Their tricky winger takes the ball on a mazy run, beats the first man with some lollipops,

leaving him with twisted blood, and heads for goal and hits it. Bang! A screamer, a worldly right in top bins. The Super Club has become a yo-yo club. Down they go. Lollipops. Yeah.

That's a Ron Atkinson, isn't it? It's a Ron Atkinson. Yeah. Lollipops and eyebrows. That's another running too. Could that be a pub or a film? Lollipops and eyebrows. Film, I think, probably.

Lollipops and more than pub. Would you watch that one, John? I think I probably would. I think that's got black and white, black and white Hollywood classic written all over it. Yeah. That'd be in some art house cinema that John could go in and order some ludicrously expensive flat white.

I don't know. I think it's a bit sort of Fred Astaire, isn't it? Lollipops and eyebrows. Yeah, lollipops and eyebrows. Quite like a Fred Astaire film, actually. The thing is, Doug, is that Sleeping Giant, relegation six-pointer, and turning into a cricket score, are all currently in our unsorted category.

Screamers are already in Division 2. Worldian top bins previously rejected by John. Drop Zone, commonly used by a reporter, as it saves syllables, versus the relegation zone. Banana skin, tricky winger, mazie run lollipop, twisted blood yo-yo club.

So what's the consensus? Climbing. So unsorted, well, sleeping giant is probably Division 2, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Relegation 6.0 also have to

be Division 2. Or are there any other sports where you get three points for a win? Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. Oh, there are any other points? So we might need some help from the listeners on that one. So we might have to put that into Division I.

But do you think that is a phrase that's used when the points are up for grabs between two struggling rivals that even if it isn't strictly six points, you would still call it a six pointer? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And before when it was two points for a win, did they say it was a relegation four pointer? Not that I remember. No, I don't. Yeah, that's very good. Turning into a cricket score.

Turning into a cricket score. That could be rugby as well, so that's got to be Division 2. Yeah, that's Div 2. That's Div 2. Screen was already in Division 2. 2. Worldian top ins have been rejected, rightly. Rejected, denied. Drop zone. Division 2.

Div 2. Banana skin div 2. American drop zones, aren't there? American Banana skins, John? Yeah, the American Banana Skins. Unintended band name. tricky winger no that could definitely be rugby union

yeah it could yeah Rory Underwood was a tricky winger Macy Run similar Division 2 Lollipop yeah probably Division 1 yeah probably is probably is

Tristed Blood Division 2 Yo-Yo club Division 2 yeah I think so yeah that's the summary done and dusted do we get John Murray's hooray moment now Well, thank you, Ali. Thank you, John.

Keep the unintended pub names and glossary suggestions coming in. TCV at BBC.co.com. UK, or you can send us a message or a voice note on 08,289-369. Before we finish, I haven't told you about the pre-match meal in Madrid. Oh, yes, please. This will tickle you. So where we intended to go, we couldn't go because we were too late. So we went and just ate in the bar

In the place where we were staying And so Gary our producer Alex from BBC Sport website Chris Sutton Oh I'm our engineer They all ordered things like You know a burger And Gary obviously ordered meat and two veg

I really fancied I really fancied some tuna Because I love tuna And on the menu, on the menu, it said, tuna belly, tuna belly for 10 euros. And I thought, well, that's good value. And I said, yeah, I'm going to have the tuna belly. Fortunately, I ordered some patadas fritas as well.

Because when the tuna belly turned up on a plate, it was a can of tuna. It was a rectangular can of tuna, cold tuna in olive oil. And they had artfully peeled off the top three quarters of the way. Sutton must have fallen about laughing. I had cold, cold tuna and patatas fritas from my pre-matchel. Ian, you know, the one thing I love, when we've recorded many of these podcasts now,

I don't know what number this is, whenever you're in charge of presenting, we are always bang on time. Oh, yeah. We never overrun. And even with that late John story, we've made it, we've done it. You don't brook any argument, bang, let's do it.

I love it. I love it, well done. Two guests. Yeah. We've packed a lot in there. And actually, the other thing is say, I mean, don't race across the world there, Ian. Do you remember Hare Chapman suggesting

that me and him should be? do it. This was some while back. Yes, I think he thought that you'd do all the work. Did he? Yeah. Well, no, that wouldn't be unusual when I've travelled with him.

I'm like his butler. Anyway, that is it for this episode of the Football Daily. And remember, you can find each and every episode of the commentator's view by scrolling down your Football Daily feed. It's been hit by a toilet roll. And to be honest, whatever happens now, our evening is complete.

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