Getting Naked: The Podcast - How the Light Gets In | Valerie Bertinelli | Caitlin Crosby

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

I could have talked to Caitlin Crosby all day. She’s the founder of The Giving Keys, which turns old keys into little reminders like faith, worthy, and rise while employing people transitioning out of homelessness. We talk about loving our flaws, how a jewelry side hustle at her merch table outsold her CDs, and what it’s like when life blows up right after your biggest high. Stay for the Full Reveal, where we answer your questions about breakups and bodyguards (yes, really). Then grab a key of your own: use code DIVINE30 for 30% off at thegivingkeys.com, including making your own custom "divine" key.Follow Caitlin on Instagram: @caitlincrosbyFollow The Giving Keys: @thegivingkeys

Spotify advertising connects you with an audience that's engaged and ready to discover your brand. Launch a campaign with Spotify Ads Manager. I just had the loviest conversation with Caitlin Crosby, who she's a very special woman. She's an author. I'll tell you about her credits, but what I want you to know about her is that she's incredibly inspiring. And I have a feeling that you are going to be incredibly inspired by the end of this podcast, and you're going to be wanting to wear a key all for yourself. So stay tuned.

like it. I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. I love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of muffins. I see all of your comments. I swear I do. You are wondering, where's my show? This is so dang delicious. Smells divine. That's a jalapeno pepper. Oh my god. It's so good. Yes, I'm back and I am cooking for all of you. All right, Sophie. What are we reheating today? Welcome to Nal Vowals cooking. Guess what we're going to make right now. We're alive.

Hi, everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's Place. That's where you can see our book group, this podcast. That's where you can go for all the cooking that you want to see. Oh, yes. I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again.

I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valerie's Place.com and go ahead and sign up. You guys are the original members, and I can't thank you enough. It's happy time. Hi, welcome to Getting Naked the podcast. Before we get started on this episode, I just want to give you a quick reminder to stay tuned for the full reveal.

That is a special part for Valerie's Place members. So if you would like to be a member, if you want to head on over to Valor's Place.com, you can sign up to be a member. So you can leave Spotify or YouTube, head over there, and you'll get the full reveal. Or you could just stay right here and keep listening. So my guest today is a very special woman. She is an author, a musician, an entrepreneur, and the inspiring founder of the Giving Keys, a social impact jewelry brand.

I love this, that repurposed old keys into inspirational necklaces while employing individuals transitioning out of homelessness. So drawing on her experiences in the Hollywood entertainment industry, I can relate.

She has spent her career advocating for radical self-acceptance. Oh, God, yes, Caitlin, radical. Authentic vulnerability, you're speaking my language, and finding beauty in our raw imperfections.

That, you are so speaking my language. Through her book, every day pay it forward and her uplifting music, Caitlin empowers people to transform their personal scars into purpose and pass encouragement along to those who need it most. I am so happy to welcome Caitlin Crosby.

Oh, hello. Welcome to our podcast. Does that all make you want to be best friends? Yes, for sure. Now, before, when you sat down, you handed me this, which is something that you do, which I love keys. I have collected keys. Oh, my God, this is

all, I love this. I love this. It's faith. That's beautiful. Yeah. You find, I mean, we all have so many old keys, but to print them with these beautiful inspirational quotes is such a great idea. And then the back says, pay it forward. So the whole premise, you get your word. So you're going to hold on to faith, you embrace that word. But then it kind of trains you to keep your eyes open for somebody else that you think needs it more than you. And then you tell that person, okay, now you have to pass it on to someone who needs it more than... I love that.

I love passing on encouragement, passing on goodwill, passing on inspiration. And I, you know, radical acceptance, finding your vulnerability and your authenticity is everything that I'm trying to do

at this late stage in life. So what started you on this process? You're a musician. Also, wait, you said late stage in life, but you're young and cute and cool. Not late stage. Very, very sweet. Listen me, look at me.

grinning and, you know. You're just so awesome. So much, so, I have a lot of energy. Yeah. A lot of energy for an old lady. But I also like my age a lot. I like being 66 because this has, I've gotten to a point now where I am radically accepting myself.

I have gone through enough hardships to go, this isn't what's going to define me. The way I have let people treat me is not going to define me. I am going to start treating myself. better. And I'm having a hard time with, you know, keeping my heart open, learning how to trust again. That's going to be hard after some really challenging experiences, but I'm open to it. So tell me how you got on to this path. Okay. So similarly to you grew up in the entertainment industry and my dad manages actors. My mom was an actress. And so, you know, being a raised- That's a challenge.

I mean, my son was raised by a musician and an actor, and, you know, he has, I think it has shaped his life in, not necessarily the denial of his parents, because he loves us both, but I think there's a part of him that says, but I'm an individual, I'm not my man, I'm not my dad. Right. And he's allowed to feel that way. He's allowed, he has that right to be an individual. Right, right.

And I think acting was such a big thing. and there was so much value in it. And so I wanted to do it too because that's what I was around. And that was kind of supporting. Yeah, and it's fun. When it's not the business, because the business sucks.

Yeah, and it was supporting my family. But then I kind of started doing music and writing about all the things that I saw behind the scenes. But when I did this one movie 100 years ago, it was like a Danny DeVito movie, and on the movie poster, they cut off our body

and, you know, put another body on instead of mine. And it was my legs, you know, and thighs were half the size of what they really are. And this was... But doesn't that surprise me? Right. And so I got so upset and went around with my friend Brie Larson, who's an actress. She was also on the movie poster and they also kind of made her into a different body. We took thousands of pictures of people holding up signs that said things like,

my cellulite is beautiful, my acne is sexy, cancels are the new black. You know, my chemo-fried hair saved my life or my scars saved my life or whatever it was. And it was really a way to give myself therapy from growing up in Los Angeles and growing up in the entertainment industry. So it started with that. And so my first album 100 years ago was called Flaws. I had a song called Imperfect is the New Perfect. So everything was really that theme. And everything at the merchandise table was said, Love Your Flaas.

I had T-shirts and bags and keychains and everything said that phrase. But you're so right. I mean, we do need to embrace. Perfection is nobody's perfect. Right. Zero. People are perfect. And why do you want to be perfect?

Because if you're perfect, you stop learning and we're here to learn. We're here to love. We're here to figure out what this is all about here. And when you have imperfections, which some people wouldn't think are imperfections, depending on, you know, the grass is always greener. Right. So. Right.

And this day age. But how did you get there to acceptance? Because it's not until this age. that I'm finally like accepting myself. When I had a perfect body, I thought I was fat. Now that my body is not perfect, I'm like, I love you. Thank you for waking up in the morning. I love that.

Thank you for, you know, being able to walk to the toilet to be. Right. No, same. I know, I look back, I'm 44 now, but I look back on, you know, my body when I was 20-something. And I remember, you know, picking all the little things apart. And now that I've had two kids, I'm like, you know, I just feel healthy. And I'm working out more now than I ever had before. And so I'm just really proud of seeing like a little crease muscle there after, you know, seeing it.

And you feel better. You feel stronger, yeah. But, you know, I don't think it's ever a place where I necessarily feel like I've arrived at feeling okay, not being perfect. But it's like I know it's literally impossible. And I know that this age is as best is ever going to be like physically. I loved my 40s and 50s. Really? Love, love, love.

And I plan on loving my 60s. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I mean, every decade is just bringing. the interesting, you know, something new and interesting. Yeah. And I think, you know, focusing on trying to get our value and other things other than what, you know, the world and magazines and social media is showing, like all this, like, beauty tricks

and tips and whatever to look younger or look more beautiful, look more like whatever's relevant or cool at this, you know, day and age. It changes. It changes. Exactly. I mean, I would be perfect in the Botticelli age. Perfect. There you do.

Paint me. Yeah. Well, I think you're still perfect now. But, um, but yes. But keeping with all the trends, it's exhausting. But I think, but yeah, that was my way to give myself therapy, is putting love your flaws on everything. How did you know that?

It was really just, I think, a survival mechanism because I was trying to tell myself to love my flaws. And I had, you know, certain things that, like, I had developmental issues. Like, I grew up with just a little TMI, but, like, I had, like, one breast that was developed and the other one was, like, inverted. And I was going to doctors, and doctors were looking at me, like, whoa, you know, this is a deformity and I was like felt like a freak of nature so then I just became really funny because then I couldn't kiss boys because they couldn't go and feel my one boob so so I just became funny girl and then

and then so it's good because it gave me a good personality but then I was just really jealous of all the girls that had two boobs you know and but they were kind of boring you know yeah no I ruined my I had the perfect boobs and then I ruined them I got implants and then I had my implants taken out in 24 and my boobs are now completely different sizes. Totally ruined. I got a huge infection in one. I mean, my boobs are like, I look at them and go, oh, girl, you made it. You know, I'm alive. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And I think, like, I've been through a divorce, um, have my two kids. Sunny, me too. Yeah, fun. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers to divorce. Oh, you had two? Yeah, I've had two. That's my last one. I'm never getting married again. I mean, it doesn't mean I'm not going to, who knows. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Cheers to who knows.

But I'm not going to get married. I'll just have fun. Okay. I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. Love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of muffins. I see all of your comments. I swear I do.

You are wondering, where's my show? This is so dang delicious. Smells divine. That's a jalapeno popper. Oh my god. It's so good! Yes, I'm back and I am cooking for all of you. All right, Sophie.

What are we reheating today? Welcome to Now Vow's cooking. Guess what we're gonna make right now. We're alive. Hi, everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's Place. That's where you can see our book group, this podcast.

That's where you can go for all the cooking that you want to see. Oh, yes. I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again. I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valerie's Place.com and go ahead and sign up. You guys are the original members, and I can't thank you enough.

It's happy time. I do want to get married again, but I, you know. Well, you're 20 years younger than me, so. Okay. More than 20. Yeah. Well, so, okay. So when I was married, and now that I'm 44 and exploring and, you know.

Are you dating? I am. I am dating someone. Yeah. Yeah. He's an actor like you. Oh. I mean, no offense, because we're good people.

I swear, it's just what we do. It's not who we are. No, he's great. And he has two girls. He's a single dad, and he's such an amazing dad and father and all the things. But again, I think because at that younger age and when I was auditioning, I think I cared more about what I looked like then, comparing yourself to the girls in the waiting rooms and then you would see who I would have a book kit or whatever. But now I think I wanted, to your point, like to differentiate myself from my parents. So I was writing songs about what I saw behind the scene.

So then I started doing music. Then I was touring. Then I knew I wanted the songs to be, I really don't like performing. I don't like getting up in front of people. No? But, oh, no, I get so nervous. But I loved writing songs. But you have such a gift.

So, but you, and you don't want, I mean. I just, the nerves really got me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like the whole kind of like, come to see my show. I don't know if that just feels obnoxious. But I love. That's the hard thing about being an artist and a musician or an actor. It's like you still have to be, and I hate this, is a salesman.

You have to sell yourself. And I don't like selling myself. It's like, look, like me or don't. I don't care. I mean, I do care. but I don't want to care. Right. Totally.

Totally. Yeah. So I liked instead to think that girls were listening to the songs when they were driving or in their dorm room or home alone crying and just helping them through. I like that. I love writing songs. But I knew I couldn't do music forever. So anyway, I started collecting old keys and from tour. And when I was at a locksmith one day in Studio City near you, I think I know which one you were probably at.

Yeah. Yeah. Mike and on, you know, it's like Laurel Canyon and Ventura near the whole thing. Yep. And I was there. I saw all these old used keys and I said, ooh, can you, on this one key, can you do, it was like a New York hotel room key from Toro. I said, can you engrave love your flaws on this one key? So he did.

And then as another reminder. And then I said, oh, while you're at it, can you do hope, love, faith, dream, believe. I think I'm worse. I love the red one. Believe today. That's fabulous. And then this little diamond. and one says, rise.

Anyway, so it was like, rise, bleed, can you do all that? How much do you charge me? He's like, $8. I was okay. So letter by letter engraved the words, and then I started just making jewelry, giving them to friends' birthday presents, and then I started selling them on tour at the merchandise tables, and then they started... Smart!

Yeah, and then they started selling out more than my CDs. So I was like, thanks for coming to my show, guys, and buying these freaking key necklaces. Okay, God, I'm getting the clue. though I still do love music. It's always going to be in you. Yeah, yeah. So then came up with this pay it forward concept. So get a word you need, embrace it,

but then you have to pass it on, pay it forward to someone you feel needs it more than you, and then tell them to pass it on to someone who needs it more than them. So people started writing me on my space at the time saying things like, you know, so-and-so was about to commit suicide, and I gave them my key. So-and-so has cancer.

I gave them my keys. So-and-so was going through a divorce. I gave them my key. So-and-so was, you know, trigger warning. like cutting their wrists. They gave them my keys. So I was going through chemo.

All these really intense stories. I was like, wow, these tokens are being used in these really pivotal moments in people's lives. I need to make a website. So I had a website. This is before anyone had websites. Now everyone can just make one if they just tell Claude to make them a website. But at the time I went to Kinkos, I made it with a Sharpie marker, and they scanned it. I don't even know.

But I didn't know one person that had a website. And I knew I wanted the money to go to some sort of chair. So I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard one day and I actually left church by myself. And it was like a scene from a movie. It was raining. I was crying. And right then I saw this young couple experiencing homelessness. They were soaking wet and they were living in a dumpster in a cardboard box.

And they were holding up a sign that said, ugly, broke, and hungry. So I went up to them. I said, why does your sign say that? And got a little bit of their life story. I ended up canceling my plans that night. I took them to dinner and just got their life story. They're human beings. Yeah, they're human beings.

And there was no, like, motive of like, oh, I think that they should, you know, be a part of the giving keys. It was just like they're hungry and they're wet and it's cold and all the things. And I just wanted to have human connection and encourage them or whatever. And then into dinner, I said to the girl, I like your necklace. And she said, oh, thanks. I like making jewelry. And then I had my aha moment. I was like, oh, this is my aha moment.

You're the missing link to the giving keys. Do you guys want to be my business partners? And they were like, who is this crazy lady? Okay. So then I started, I went to the studio city, lock and key, Mike, and started buying some engraving equipment, went to pet boys, bought some hammers, started paying them to engrave the keys on the side of the road, Rob and Sarah, this young couple experiencing homelessness. And then little by little, I just hustled and got them into stores. and they saved up enough money. They got their own motel room,

then they got their own apartment. And then fast forward to, we ended up employing over 10 years, over 150 people that were trying to transition out of homelessness to make all of our products. So you're kind of one of the first social enterprises.

So I think back to the beauty thing, I think as far as where we get our value, you know, I think growing up in a place where we get our value from what we look like, it was so nice to start feeling value, and confidence, not just because I booked, you know, Seventh Heaven or whatever it was back of the day. It was like, oh, no, like getting value and confidence

and our self-esteem and self-worth from how we serve and how we can connect with others and help other people and that being the reason I want to live and the reason I want to do anything I'm doing in the world, whether it's entertainment or social enterprise or business. You're connecting with people and you're making a difference in people's lives and they're making a difference in yours. Exactly.

I think it's this beautiful circle that happens. It's not just where look at me helping somebody. It's like look at what's happening in the world when we just make a small connection. Oh, exactly. It becomes bigger. Oh, exactly. Everyone that we employed and their resilience helps me today every day looking back because now being a single mom and it's way harder than I ever could have imagined. And I didn't necessarily want to be a single mom at all.

and I'm kicking and screaming every day about it. It's been five years, but I'm still, I feel like I don't accept it. Like, I just, I'm like, I hate it. But I think of my old employees and everything they overcame. And I'm like, okay, if Nikki could do it, if Kelly could do it, if Alex could do it, if Betty could do it. And they were all single moms and they all did what they needed to do to get off the streets and get clean and sober and all the things. Like they give me strength knowing that they did it, that, you know, it motivates me and inspires me to keep going. That is a beautiful thing about making a connection with someone is when you stop long enough to hear someone's story,

doesn't have to be their entire life story, but just to hear their resilience, to hear how you start to understand that you're not living in your own little bubble. Yeah. That there's other people out there. Yeah. And the connection is what makes this world move. Right. What makes it go around. Right.

But to build something there takes more than just like an idea. Like I, you like you hustled to get them into shops. I mean, you're making it sound like, yeah, and then that this happens. But it, the determination and the grit that you showed, where did that come from? Mm, good question. Hmm. Because, yeah, it was pretty extreme. Like you were on a mission.

Yes. Yes. It's almost like you didn't realize the mission was until like you had your aha moment. And then this mission was to help, like I'm going to help people. And through that, I think in its own way, you help yourself, which is beautiful. Right. I know. It may sound selfish, but it's not.

No, for sure. I've heard a few people say you teach best what you need to learn. And I was like, oh. Oh, Caitlin, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Like, I need these words. And it's not about, like you said, like a savior complex of, let me help you. It's like, no, I need strength. I need faith. I need hope. I need human connection. Exactly. And, you know, and when I wasn't feeling necessarily great about myself growing up in entertainment

and all that comparison, it's like, yeah, these keys were medicine to me. And the words on the keys were medicine to me. So I think the motivation probably came from, like, so badly wanting to believe these words and wanting other people to believe them because deep down I really wanted to believe them. Right. And I think it's the repetition. Like, if we say something, if we wear it, we look at it, we just keep faith, just keep faith, that it is going to get better.

Like, just seeing these words. And then when you see someone who needs it even more than you do by giving it to them, there's a feeling of weight being lifted from you and hopefully giving the weight to the world and leasing somebody else's weight as well. Yeah. And I think because in this day and age, you know, especially with social media, it's all about me and how do I optimize my life and myself and my career and my beauty or my whatever. And it's like training you to keep your eyes open to other people and their needs and training you to have empathy.

And I think inward and outward and outward. Yeah. Like you want to, you, I know, for me, I want to become the best human being I can be. I want to be kind. I want to be giving. I want to be more empathetic. I want to be compassionate. It's hard sometimes because you see a lot of people in power that are none of those things. Right, right. But that's more important about that, that is a more important reason for us to be all those things. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And I think, you know, even in this next chapter as well, now that I'm, you know, kind of in the single mom chapter. And- Well, tell me how all this happened. I know it's been five years. You were on Oprah's favorite things list, which is, by the way, congratulations. That's not easy thing to do. But all during that, you had some drama happening that. How did you move through that? Oh, gosh.

Isn't it that the way life is? Like, you can have the best things happening to you at one moment and the most horrible things at the same moment. Right. How do you maneuver? Yeah, I remember the Oprah, you know, the first day I met Oprah, and it was this event she was having at her O studios, and it was super soul 100, 100 people that she chose to, you know, get behind. And it was the most incredible people in the world.

And I remember being in such a high and then I went home. And it was maybe towards the end of, oh yeah, I was pregnant. Towards the end of my marriage. And I remember it was like this dark house and the look on my husband's face at the time. And just being on such a high. High and then such a low. To that and just feeling like we just can't, you know, without going into too many details, I think, you know, so many things happened and I basically kind of, for lack of better words,

gave an ultimatum, like it's either me and the kids or this. And there were a lot of things that were, I wasn't okay with that were happening. And, you know, the pandemic had just was happening still. and we were going through all this awful embezzlement at the Giving Keys, my old CFO. Oh, no. Yeah, and so many people I think assume, like, oh, is that because you employed people that were, you know, homeless people, did they steal? You know, I'm like, no, it was the white Jeff from Texas, CFO guy, you know, no. Yeah.

And which that's a whole other podcast within itself. Just when I first met him, he was hired when I was on maternity leave the first time. And I came back and the look on his face, the way he looked at me, I was like, mm-mm, I don't, he looked at me weird. And I told our president and some other people at the time, like, what's, I didn't, I don't trust this guy. And I'm like, oh, no, he's the best we've ever had. You can't fire him.

Yeah, you can't fire him just because you have a creepy feeling about him. And whatever, years later, we found out he was embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars for years. Get somebody to work you to that. I know. And then he died. and he had no money, and he, we never got any of it back, and it was awful. But that was so hard on the marriage as well, like the debt and all that. Anyway, so without going into all the details, basically, it was like this, because of everything that went down, and my whole life was blown up.

It was the week of Christmas. We moved out of our house in Studio City, and the kids and I moved into a sub-lease. I literally wrote on Instagram. I was like, does anyone have a sub-lease for? six months. A friend of a friend was like, oh, our family's moving to Costa Rica. We have a place of North Hollywood with a crib. I was like, perfect. So I had a one-year-old and a toddler. And I remember those six months, probably the worst memories of my life, just so many days on that floor, bawling my eyes out, like wailing, crying, listening to music. And yeah, just like,

how did my life get here from the Oprah to single mom to, you know. Because shit happens in life. Right, exactly. And I think, again, the words and creating all these, having to write these campaigns, like, our word of the year now is warrior because I need to be a freaking warrior. Okay, now the word of the year is fearless because I'm so afraid of everything. And like, now my word is strategic because I have to be strategic. I don't know.

So it's like, and every time I'm writing these. emails and these campaigns and the sales about whatever mental health awareness blah blah blah it's like literally just you're talking to yourself yeah you're feeding yourself even better yeah god bless you i mean that's like that's i know there's a lot of people out there that can totally relate to that being on the high and the highest high and the lowest low at the same time where you just don't know what's coming or going right and you just like all i mean you find a way through it right and it and it It makes you stronger. It makes you more solid, more grounded, more...

Like, I'd be more than happy to never go through a tough time again, but I'm also grateful for the crap I went through in the last two and a half years just because it brought me to where I am today. Can you say that gratitude is there at all yet? Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, I have to practice that. And I know, you know, everyone always says in all the studies that that's what we have to do to change the wiring. Well, it's amazing how gratitude can really, like, it is the stairway you climb

to get to peace. It's like, enjoy. Like, there's the only way through it is to feel gratitude for everything, even the worst shit. Right, right. And I think, you know, there's certain people that you see that you think, oh, wow, they just seem naturally happy or, you know, their life seems so easy, or they have a husband and a partner, and they have this or whatever. And you can do the Debbie Downer thing. But like you said, with the affirmations of the repetition of saying, you know, the words over and over again, same thing with gratitude. Like, okay, every day, it's like I make my list, I take my walk before 10 a.m. light, as they say, and then I, you know, go over my list of my kids and my home and the water

and the food and the roof over my head and this and the neighborhood and all the things. It's like, oh, I'm already in a better mood, you know, and my friends and my family and my parents and my, so it is, you know, and I am really grateful for the man that I've been dating that does feel like a nice second chapter. A nice cherry on top. Yeah, and just being with somebody that can relate to, and maybe you can relate to this, and I'm curious how you got through it,

because it's not, you know, coming to terms with your life not looking how you wanted it to look like and seeing all these families. Like I was at the beach the other day by myself, and I saw this family, and I realized I had to keep looking away. I kept changing because I didn't want to see them because it was making me sad.

just seeing them with their two kids, and I just kept looking away, and then I would look again and just get, like, bitter. I was like, what am I doing? Like, why? So anyway, so we kind of talk about both allowing ourselves to have that grief that. I think you can allow yourself a little bit of a wallow. Right. Like, God damn it, I really wanted it to be different, and I'm really pissed that it's not, but what am I going to do with what I have today? Right. Yeah, so how did you get through like of your two divorces and when it wasn't like the picture perfect thing of what you always hoped and envisioned and when you grieved it and then when you yeah what kind of helps you not go into debby downer I think I think allowing yourself to grieve I never grieved my first marriage being over because I never wanted it to be over I to this day I still love him and even if he had lived I don't think we would ever live together again or been intimate again It just wasn't in the cards for us, but I adore him.

And I love the father that he was, all his mistakes and flaws along with it, but who am I to talk? Because I have mistakes and flaws. My second marriage, I was really sad about that ending because I had to imagine something different until I realized something else. And I think I wasn't quite healed from either one before I started dating someone who slipped into my DMs. was probably, hands down, the biggest mistake of my life, is letting myself trust that person again, because that ended up being two and a half years of hell. But those two and a half years of hell taught me so much about myself. I never want to feel the feelings and go through that abuse ever again in my life, and I

won't, because I know now what it looks like. And I know now what it means to put myself first, not in a selfish way, but in a way it says, this is not okay. The way you're treating me is not okay. And I'm going to walk away from this without being guilted into, but you have to, you know. But how dare you? Whatever it may be, I want people out there to understand that you're important. And your peace of mind, your equanimity is so important to find.

find your peace in all the suris, all the craziness, and that you are worth it. I can't be a good mother, even with my son being 35, I'm still his mom. If I'm worried about me, if I'm worried about, am I good enough, am I this, am I that? You know what? I'm good enough for my son. He loves me. Am I, I, I'm good enough to get through this day. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I think that every day, I love your morning routine. I think that's super important. I have the same one similar when I take my dog out to pee and poo. I'm out there jumping up and down and I'm just looking at the morning sun and going, thank you so much.

Thank you for getting me through what I got through. Thank you for putting me through what I went through because I'm a better person because of it today. And I'm going to be of service. And I'm going to be of service. I'm going to help people. Right. But I think that we need to, this is why I love what you say.

And I want to get into your book every day, pay it forward. Because I think by accepting our flaws, for what they are, they kept us safe. We may have done things that we would do differently now knowing more, but at the time it kept us safe. And I think keeping our heart safe while still keeping it open is a very challenging thing to do. But I applaud you for opening up your heart again with someone, because I'm not there.

I'm scared. I'm terrified of letting somebody into my life and trusting them again. Because I was, I had the, like air knocked out of me. Yeah. You know, because I trusted someone. Right. So I applaud you for doing that.

Well, thanks. I mean, I did, I have been dating for five years, and I think I kissed a lot of frogs or toads or whatever. Where I was like, I was not. Red flag, Red flag, Red flag, Red flag, red, no, not stepdad material. That was fun. But that's important. Yeah. Especially because my kids are young, a seven and ten year old.

Yes. But I am afraid to get married. again because a lot of things came out after we were married. But when we were dating, it was like, oh, we were great. And then when we got married, it was like, oh, wait a minute. Okay. So now I'm like, I kind of want to date for a long time to go through seasons and really be able to trust someone before. Because there's only so long they can wear the mask.

Right. And when that mask comes off, run. Right. That was my big mistake. I didn't run when the mask came off. I thought, well, I can be better because I, I, I, I, I can be better. because I want that person I first met. Right, right.

That person didn't exist. Right. And I love you said about focusing on ourselves. I'm sure, you know, I feel like, you know what Al-Anon is? Yeah. Yeah, so I've been to plenty of all-a. I assume because I feel like, you know. But that was part of...

I've been to Al-Anon. I've been to O-A. Yeah. Yeah, I've been to a bunch of them, all the ones too. But, and so when I was married, he was in he encouraged me to go to Al-Anon and because of what was happening in our marriage

so I did that and people that don't know Al-Anon is for when you're codependent and there's a lot of great podcasts out there about codependency and I know that I've probably been codependent my entire life and that is something that we all need to work on I think of a certain, you know, you don't

Nezua Azabian says you don't build your home in someone else. And I think I love that she has written a book about that because it is about you have to build your home within yourself so that you can be a home and a solid ground. So I would build my home in other people and be disappointed constantly. Right, right, right.

And really in myself. Right, because then we have nothing left. We're like, what we gave so much. Yeah. And I think, but yeah, also Alonon, a lot of people go to Alonon if they have a partner or a... That is using alcohol drugs.

Alcohol drugs, whatever. So there's like AA and there's NA and all the things. And then Al-Anon is for people that are in relationships with people that go to those. Because oftentimes we have ones... This could be an intimate partner. It could be a father, mother. It could be a son. It could be adult children of alcoholics.

It's all within there. Yeah. And there's a bunch of online now after the pandemic. And really great podcasts out there if anybody's looking for any help. So one of the things, you know, when you first go and people, when you're like a newbie, people are just complaining about their addict person in their life or whatever. But then you kind of learn like, oh, you're not supposed to do that. You're actually just supposed to focus on yourself and your own recovery.

And because we're so good at, you know, being like the healer or the savior or pointing the finger. But it's like, okay. So but then it's like, oh, wow, then I realize I'm also not focusing on bettering myself and focusing on myself. but what do I want? And a lot of times then we'll pick partners that we either want to heal or fix or whatever, but it's like, wait, no, what's actually good for me? Right.

I think sometimes we're afraid of doing what's good for us because that means we're going to lose the partner. We think we love so much. And I think until I know that I would handle all of that so differently today because I know so much more about codependency and not dealing with that. trauma to where you numb your feelings with drugs and alcohol. And I think I understand the trauma aspect of it now that I could be so much more helpful with the people in my life that have

done that. But I also don't know, I'm saying that now, but I don't know how much compassion I would have as well. Yeah. Because it's like, God damn it, get better. But you can't get someone better because you have to focus on getting yourself better so that you don't put up with that that kind of thing in your life. Right. Right. So tricky. And it doesn't have to just be someone who is using. I mean, sometimes you allow behavior in your life. You allow someone to treat you a certain way because you think, well, they didn't mean it.

Right. Well, you know what? They said it and it hurt you. Right. Right. So what do you mean they didn't mean it? Right. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. And again, even more so, like, reminding ourselves, like, we have a one key that It says worthy that I love. It's like, I'm worthy of being loved. I'm worthy of being treated with care and respect and worthy of, you know, focusing on myself

and healing myself. Because I think it's sometimes, I mean, we feel selfish if we focus on ourselves. But that, but there is a need for that. And I don't do it often enough, but there is a need to focus on yourself. Yeah. I want to talk about your book every day. Pay it Forward. I want to talk about your book.

Okay. I always get so bored talking about my stuff. I'm like, I know, too. I like this podcast so much because I get to talk to other people. I don't have to talk about myself. I know. But I do want to know, I mean, you wrote a book. Every day, pay it forward.

It's like I love doing it, but also it's like the hardest thing in the world to do. But I love what you're saying. Yeah. Well, I actually, yes, I'm trying to work on my third right now, but I wrote two. The first one was like more of a memoir. you are the key. I always forget. That's horrible.

I was forget, like, what is it? Like, turning imperfections into purpose or something like that. But that was more like memoir and, like, funny little tidbits of growing up in L.A. And then the story of how the giving keys. Yeah, and the story of how the giving keys started and all these incredible inspiring stories of the people that we were employing,

they were transitioning to homelessness and how inspiring they all are. Yeah. And encouraging people to turn whatever. it is that they're going through into their purposeful business or give back brand or whatever. And then I have another one that the other book, it's more of like a gift book, coffee table book, where every chapter is a different word, like, hope, love, phase, dream, and like diving into what does each word mean? I like that.

Each word is so juicy. Yeah. Like believe. It's like, like, sit and think about it for a minute. Yeah. Yeah. And not just glossing over it being this kind of like cliche, like, you know. So yeah.

And then now the third one I'm slowly working on is kind of talking about the life blowing up and all that. All the great things happening out of the same thing. Right. Well, all horrible things are happening. Exactly. And what I'm blooming into and everything that I've learned and the resilience and to go into this next chapter. And as much as I would love to just be a stay-at-home mom, because I get so jealous of other moms that are just like, you know, their husband's work. And they're like, I've just been organizing all day and clearly. cleaning the lunchboxes, and now I just get to drive Julie and whoever to, you know, practice.

And I'm like, I just want that life. I just want that. That sounds so nice. But again, instead of letting myself get jealous all the time, even though I do, I'm like, okay, I feel like I'm called for a bigger, not bigger or high, not like better. Right, because that's just as important. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I want to spend more time with my kids.

I think that is the most important thing. And I get sad that I feel like I don't have enough, you know, like presence with them because I'm like, I have to finish this email or whatever. But, you know, knowing that, okay, I have a choice. And instead of letting myself be negative about it, like I will choose to believe, again, I will choose to believe that this happened. and I will turn this into a purposeful, meaningful life and have businesses that help people and give back. And I've been doing consulting for other female founders or just female brands. And then I went through like trauma counseling after the divorce. I thought it was so fun.

I weirdly thought it was fun. So then I got, I went through a certification and got certified to become a trauma counselor. Are you kidding me? So now I'm like, does anyone want it to trauma counseling? You hear a trauma dump on me. Yeah, yeah, I love it. It's so fun. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That is fascinating because, I mean, I have done EMDR. In fact, our next guest is going to be all about EMDR and how helpful it has been to me to dig down deep to, like, old traumas and why I re-up trauma and why I went through the traumas, you know, just recently. But I do feel gratitude for all of it. I, I, for someone, for our guests, I just want to ask you a question because growing up the entertainment industry is different.

Although I sometimes feel it's like growing up in a very small town where everybody knows your business, except this is on just a different scale. So, but I, I'm wondering, after everything you've been through at 44, if there was anything, any advice you could give to your 16-year-old self, knowing what you know now, what would that be? In communities across Canada, hourly Amazon employees earn an average of over $26 an hour. Employees also have the opportunity to grow their skills

and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields like software development and information technology. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca. It would be... And would you listen anyway? Yeah, probably not. I think it would be two things.

At that age, it would be to not be so hard on myself for my imperfections, to know, like, it's going to pay off later. Like, it's going to make you a bright, shiny, sunshine person for so many people in your life and the world and your brand because you went through this. and don't, it's okay that you don't have two perfect boobs. It's boring. No, I don't know. Who does?

Yeah, yeah, I don't. That and I would say to be more cautiously selective in who I'm dating and ultimately married because I think I just wanted to, it's like the time it's the time to tick in and this is the time you're supposed to get married and it's like, okay, I think I should. and I guess that's good. I think this is good. It was like, no, I wish I had higher standards. Yeah.

I think, yeah. That's a very good way to answer it. Okay, tell us about your book. Getting naked. Look how cute you are. Oh, God. I will never pose naked again. I know that.

It was something to get through and get over, and I'm glad I did it, but I don't want to do it again. I always like doing something I'm super afraid of, just so I can say to myself, Girl, you did it. You can do it. You can do anything. And then I'm like, okay, I don't need to do that again.

Look at this cutie-ptootie. Oh, thank you, Caitlin. Okay, you know what? Before she goes on about me, because it's about her, I am going to pause for a second and thank everybody for listening because we are going to start in on the full reveal. So if you would like to be a part of the full reveal, head on over to Valor's Place.com, and you can subscribe to be a member. And then you can get this special section of our podcast. And for those of you on YouTube and Spotify, thank you for listening. Bye.

I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. I love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of muffins. I see all of your comments. I swear I do. You are wondering, where's my show? This is so dang delicious.

Smells divine. That's a jalapeno popper. Oh, my God. That's so good. Yes, I'm back, and I am cooking for all of you. All right, Sophie. What are we reheating today? Welcome to Nal Vows cooking.

Guess what we're going to make right now? We're alive. Hi, everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's Place. That's where you can see our book group, this podcast. That's where you can go for all the cooking that you want to see. Oh, yes.

I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again. I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valerie's Place.com and go ahead and sign up. You guys are the original members, and I can't thank you enough. It's happy time. In communities across.

Canada. Hourly Amazon employees earn an average of over $26 an hour. Employees also have the opportunity to grow their skills and their paycheck by enrolling in free skills training programs for in-demand fields like software development and information technology. Learn more at aboutamazon.ca.