Getting Naked: The Podcast - Life Lessons

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

In this episode of Getting Naked, host Valerie Bertinelli talks with intuitive medium Susan Grau about healing from trauma, trusting your intuition, and finding spiritual connection after a near-death experience.

Hi, I'm Valerie Bertnelli, and this is Getting Naked, the podcast. Thanks for stopping by. Today, I have a guest, and her name is Susan Grau. She is a therapist, an intuitive medium, and she is amazing. She has helped me get through some hard times in my life, and maybe she can help you get through some hard times in yours. We had a conversation that just like blew my mind, and I think it might blow yours too. Stay tuned. Getting Naked the podcast is brought to you by Valerie's Place, your digital home for everything, me, whether it's the full library of Valerie's home cooking, my new cooking show, now Val's Cooking, or in my book club, and now we're reading.

Valerie's Place has something for everyone. Subscriptions start at $2 a month. Add to that, you get early access to this podcast with each episode's full reveal. Join today at Valerie's Place.com. Hi, welcome to Getting Naked the podcast. I can't believe we're actually here. This is fun for me. I have been told by a friend that what I can do is talk. I'm also really good at listening. And my mission statement, if you will, is for all of us to have a community here so that all of you don't feel so alone. So is it selfishly? I don't feel so alone sometimes. You know, we have thoughts. We have things that go through our heads that maybe make us feel like we're out there or we're not normal. Everything is normal. We're all normal. It's just like stuff that we go through. They're all emotions, their feelings, and feelings are information. So what I'm hoping is that

we can just be here for each other. And through that, I want to be here to kind of guide you through some of the things that I've been through, some of the tricks that I've learned through really smart people, therapists, psychotherapists, good friends, mediums, life coaches, things that I think will be helpful for other people. And you can take them. or not, though really, it's up to you. You know what can be helpful for you. So I want to start off every podcast with a, like a quote, an inspiration. That's how I write in my journal when I find things that I love. I'll write it down because I don't want to forget it. So here's my first one. Be grateful, not because everything is perfect, but because there's still so much that's beautiful.

The people who care, the growth you've made, the quiet moments that brought you peace. gratitude shifts everything. I just take that in. People ask me sometimes, like, what is it that if you could give anybody one gift of information, and my gift is be grateful. I learned it from Betty. I watched her be grateful for everything. Someone an icon is big and huge as she was and still is.

She just exuded gratitude. I have someone here that also exudes gratitude, and she has an amazing book, Infinite Life, Infinite Lessons. And we have become friends. This is where the Internet is really cool, because you can make friends with people on the Internet because you admire them. And I've admired Susan. I started following her first. And I've admired her. She has a ridiculously interesting life. And I want to talk to her a little bit about it. So here we have today with us, Susan Growl. Hi, Susan. Hi. It's so nice to have you here. I'm so glad to be here. Oh, good, good. Now, let me just say there's, what would you call yourself? Let me ask you first. What would you call yourself? Because I, you're like a medium, but you actually were a very helpful life coach for me at a very difficult time in my life. I would just say a healer overall. Yeah, I just like to help people heal. And I'm a therapist, obviously, a counselor, grief and addiction. but I just like to reach out to the healing modalities. So I do a lot of different things.

I think I have 13 modalities I've studied. Wow. Yeah. And what got you on that path? I mean, I know you have a very complicated, intense childhood. And we can get into that, if you like. You can also read Susan's book. Absolutely.

I'm happy to get into it. I really believe that I felt like I had a calling to help people. And so I started out as an addiction therapist because I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a lot of addiction. And being in that, I learned that I needed to take care of me, and I wanted other people to learn how to do that, too. So I started working in addiction. Wow. And taking care of me, I know that that has some, like when I used to first hear that, you need to take care of yourself first.

You know, it's just like on an airplane too. But for me, it was like, oh, I can't do that. That's selfish. I need to take care of everybody else. So how were you able to make that mindset? Well, I didn't. I became a counselor to take care of everyone else. And it took me a long time to recognize that starting here, right? And I was helping people, because if you're just one step ahead of someone, you have something to offer them. So I was always working on me, but I didn't know how to take care of me. And I, you know, had a near-death experience as a child, and I wanted to go back there. So anything I could do to get back there.

Wait, wait. Sorry. You wanted to go back to that near-death experience? I wanted to go back to the afterlife. I didn't feel like I belonged here. Tell us a little bit about that experience. Well, I was locked in an unplugged freezer in a garage when I was almost five, and I got to see the afterlife. I mean, I got to be with the angels, and, you know, they come as we understand them. I know that today, and at that time, that's what I understood. And I got to be in different dimensions and see a lot of really amazing things and got taught a lot of really powerful lessons. So I knew I needed to do something with that, but I wanted to go back. So until I was 38 years old, I was suicidal. Wow.

I literally would think of ways that I would. I could leave the planet. And then I'd help people and go, oh, I'm supposed to be here. And then I'd do it again. You know, I'd go back and forth and tried to escape everything that was going on because I was seeing things and feeling things that others weren't. Didn't understand that. Like what?

Spirits. Yeah. I mean, I would hear that. What does that feel like? Surreal. I can just be sitting in a room and all of a sudden something's talking to me and telling me information about someone else. And I really believe.

And you're like, where's that coming from? Yeah, yeah. But I could also see the outlines of them. So I was already seeing them, feeling them, hearing them, experiencing them in every different way you can. So you were cognizant in all sorts of ways. I had all the clairs. Claire means clear in French. And it's just clear seeing, clear feeling, clear, you know, hearing.

And that's what the clairs mean. And I had all the clairs. And so I was, you know, constantly experiencing things outside of me. And I would, my mom would say, don't say anything. Because my mom was locked up for that. and she was on psychotic drugs. Wow. Yeah.

That's why so many bad things happened to my brothers and my sister and my, because my mom was put on psychotic drugs. So she was really afraid of it. So she'd tell me, don't talk about it. And so I. She has experience of being afraid of it. Yeah, she had reason. And so did I, because as a counselor, you know,

the bottom line is they're going to take my license away if I talk about what I see. So I would just kind of introduce it a little bit in my, you know, when I would do a reading, I'd say, oh, you know, maybe you have some difficulties because of the fact that you helped your grandmother cross and you didn't want to and you tried to save her life and she had a stroke and they go, I didn't tell you that. And I just sit there. And I'd go, where did I hear it? Because it was so used to it. I didn't know if it was coming

from the person in front of me or if, and they were, they said it. I just knew. I just knew. Wow. And the information was accurate. And that's not necessarily intuition because I know that I, I have pretty strong intuition, but I'm always denying it. I'm always saying, no, no, no, Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. But you learn to trust your, for lack of a better word, intuition? Yes, so intuition is our ability to know things before they happen, and every human has that. It's a matter of developing it. And unfortunately, many don't.

So they get into situations with people and places and things that are very unhealthy for them, and they're not recognizing that. Stop, stop throwing me under the bus here. That's about all of us. Me included. I don't trust my instincts and my intuition, and I'll say it, because, I have this overriding will to think the best of people. Because I think that's where we all need to start.

I always want to think the best of people. I always want to keep my heart open. Because once you close it and if those things happen, then you don't have a chance to feel more love. I mean, painful things can come in too. So I know that I've been burned plenty of times because I've always thought, I think better of you. I think you'll behave better than this.

and so much so that I'm basically willing somebody to prove me wrong that they're not the best person. Right. And when we grow up in dysfunction, what we do is go, well, they like them. So they must be likable. We don't trust our own judgment because we're told what we think here, see, feel is not real. Right. You know, like your mom will be slamming the cupboard doors and you'll go, what's wrong? Are you angry? And I'm not angry. Go to your room, you know, and you go, oh, you feel the anger. I mean, it's pouring in on you. Something as simple as that. Yeah. And it tells you, oh, I can't trust me. But I can trust everyone out here because they can tell me what I'm experiencing with this person. So you get an immediate hit on someone and you're going to talk yourself out of it. Yes. And it's learning not to do that. It's learning to go,

I'm going to step back. We don't have to judge because that's what we don't want to do. That's what you're saying. No, I don't. Because you're an empathic energy. So you don't want to judge. So you step back. Yes, it's about getting curious. Yes. It's about stepping back. Yeah. And going, I'm just going to step back, not be cruel, not have to think bad thoughts. I'm just going to see where this goes because there's something about the situation that doesn't feel quite right. Maybe, especially with love, it happens like a boomerang. It's like, boom, it's there. And when that happens, you need to step back and take a breath because love is developed.

It is not a feeling. Love is a choice. And it's an action. And it creates feelings. So when we get in relationships, unfortunately, and I do this in friendships and everything else, it's like this instant boom. Now, if it's an impath that I'm doing it with, I know when I'm safe and I'm not because I trust my judgment is. What if someone says they're an empath, but they're really not? Well, I have to see that. I have to

feel that. Yeah, so don't trust people's words, trust their actions, trust their behavior. Always, always. And for me, when I get to know someone, you know, there's a lot of times where I go, they're a really nice person, they're just not for me. But I know when they are out the gate now. So out the gate, I can say, this person is going to be my friend. And it ends up unfolding that way, because I know the energy that I'm feeling. I didn't when I was young. So I was always in relationship with people who were unhealthy because that's what I knew. I went hand and glove with them. I knew unhealthy and unhealthy felt right to me. And now that I'm healthy, it doesn't. It doesn't fit for me anymore. And there's so many of us that, and I know I'm really getting past this now, and maybe it has to do

with age and all the experiences, but yes, unhealthy doesn't feel good anymore. It used to feel familiar, even though it felt shitty, but it doesn't, like, I don't need that kind of familiarity any longer. I want to... Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Wow. And so everything changes when you grow through that, and it took me a lot of years to figure that out, just like it's taking you and a lot of other people. And it comes through pain. Pain is our greatest motivator for change. You talk about this in your book about, you know, people not knowing, like, because none of us want to go through this pain. No. Because it really sucks. Yeah. It hurts. And I'm, you know, We're tired of like feeling so much. But without that, I have learned gratitude for it because without like some of the biggest stupidest mistakes that I've ever made were the biggest lessons I've ever learned. And I'm able to not repeat those. Or sometimes I do repeat them until I really shove me on my ass. You have to. Yeah. You know, we have to do the repeat. And then we get to a place where we go, okay, I've learned. And you know, I always say lessons learned or not lessons done. They're simply lessons learned. And Spirit will bring them in front of you again and how you

you deal with it, decides how often. Wait, that's so, it's such a simple statement, but yes. Yeah. They're just learned, but until you're able to put them into action, because I'm going to, wow. Okay. So over your lifespan, you've learned these lessons, and you go, okay, I've learned this time, and then we do it again. I'm always testing those lessons I supposedly learned, yeah.

Because they're not done. You know, we'll never be done until we're gone. And I've just accepted that. Like, I'm always going to have narcissistic people in front of me. I've studied narcissism extensively because of that. and I work with people who go through that. So I know when I'm dealing with a narcissist, I know when I'm dealing with someone who's healthy or not healthy,

because I've studied those things and I've learned to take care of myself. But the lesson isn't done. They still come in front of me. What I do with it matters. So I tell people... That's where you own your power. Yes. People do what they do because of who they are.

How I respond decides who I am. And so if I allow someone's bad behavior to change my responses, then I am not being true to my own. myself and I'm giving my power away. Yes. Which is what we have to stop doing. And you don't always have to defend yourself. Being in the public eye, you get a lot of people saying a lot of shit about you. And you also get, I mean, I get, I'm telling you, 99% of the people that I engage with and online are just lovely people. And that's the community I want around me. People with, you know, brains that want to learn and we want to, you know, be better, are better humans. We want to

treat people the way we want to be treated and that kind of stuff. But there's still those people out there that no matter what, they're just not going to like you. I've gotten accustomed to that, and I'm cool with it. And I've gotten to a point where it used to be that I'd like, like, I need to go wrap on everybody's door and say, this story in this rag is wrong. And I need to tell you why it's wrong. I literally felt like I need to do that at some point in my life. How painful to grow up like that. I don't feel that any longer. Now I don't feel they need to defend myself. It's like, you want to say shit about me. I don't care. Well, here's the, here's the I am, and I know, you know.

Here's the catch to that. Okay. When you're right, there's nothing to defend, and when you're wrong, there's no defense. So get it out of your communication skills. Doesn't belong there. It's not needed. That's why it feels so comfortable to just not feel the need to defend yourself when someone's going off on you. Because when you're right, there's nothing to defend.

And when you're inaccurate or wrong, there's no defense. You have to accept responsibility and accountability. Right. And that's what we do when we grow. That's when you say, you know what? I did fuck up. I'm sorry. Sorry, let me try and make this up to you.

What can I do or maybe come up with things like, I mean, I've had this with people that I love. I'm like, I did do that. I'm so sorry. Okay, I need to make this up to you. And this is what I'm going to do. And this is how we can do. Do you want to, you know, therapy is good. We can talk about it.

If you feel like you don't need an extra person, we can just talk between the two of us and work through whatever problem that I may have exacerbated. Yeah. But if there's other things that's like, yeah, that's not who I am. That's not, that doesn't, no, that doesn't feel right. That's not. And it's knowing who you are. So when you, I don't know about your life journey as a child, but I know mine, and it was very dysfunctional. And I didn't learn to trust myself, as I said earlier.

So knowing who I am is very important. In this relationship, who am I? Not who are you. Who am I? And when I can do that, I can be unstable grounding, you know, behavior. And when I get overwhelmed, I have to speak up. I have to say something, and I can say it lovingly and nice. You are one of the calmest people I've ever met.

I read your book and I also listen to it on Audible because I love your voice. So you do have that calmness about you, that equanimity that I'm always searching for, and I'm finding bigger and bigger pockets of it for myself. How did you get there? I breathe. Because when you said when I get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed, I can have a little snap. Right? And then I have to say that was not okay. I'm sorry. What can I do to make this right?

And that's where I try to go always. I don't like saying I'm sorry or I was wrong. And I usually use that verbiage. I was wrong. That was wrong of me. What can I do to make this right? Because I don't like saying it. Well, I don't like being wrong. Yeah. But I mean, I'll gladly say it because it's like, you know what? Yeah. Yeah. But when you say it over and over and over again, you go, I don't want to have to say that. So I'm going to deal with this differently. Yeah. You know, because I don't want to have to keep saying that. Yeah. And so then I end up, it reminds me, oh, you don't want to be in a position that you have

to say you're sorry right now or that you were wrong, so let's not go there. Yeah. And I remind myself that people behave the way they do because of who they are. I think that statement is so impressively important. You have to impress that on your brain, you know, that it's not about you. It's not about me. And we are personalizers, especially growing up with dysfunction. I personalize things.

Sure. And I'll go right to that. It was my job as a child to make everybody happy. Yes, me too. You know, I don't feel like that's my job anymore. My job is to be the best person I can be so people have good experiences with me and that I have a good experience selfishly as well. That's not selfishly.

That's self-care. Oh. You know, have you ever seen that? I preface a lot with selfishly because I think I'm so trained to think that when there's anything about myself, it's selfish. Yeah. So I have this little, you know the ride where you sit in the boat? at the fair and it goes way up on one side and way up on the other. And one side I consider to be

selflessness and the other side I consider to be selfishness and there's a middle ground where you feel it balanced. That's self-care. That's the fulcrum. Yeah. And self-care is about balancing yourself and knowing that I matter as much as you matter. I matter as much as you matter. That's like, whoa, wait. That's due unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Did you know that I'm back in the kitchen with a new cooking show? If you have head to Valerie's place.com. Not only will you be able to watch my podcast with the full reveal, you'll also be able to watch my new cooking shows and Valerie's home cooking, and you're going to have a place to hang out and connect with the rest of this amazing community. Share stories, recipes,

and more. So just go ahead, head to Valerie'splace.com to learn all about it. Oh, and use the promo code podcast at checkout for 10% off your first month. So let's, we'll just talk about why I reached out to in the first place. I was having, I was struggling a lot with things in my life that, it was like an energy. And I, some people go, oh, here we go with the woo-woo. But, but emotions are energy. And I was having trouble dealing with someone's energy coming at me. And it was, it felt malicious and it felt intentional to specifically hurt me. So I thought, well, I can't do anything about what they're doing. I can't change people's behavior. What can I do to draw focus in acting terms and, you know, pull my focus away from what really is none of my business?

And I called you and we made an appointment and I said, help me. I don't want anything bad to happen to the other person. I just want my energy not to be going there. I want to pull my energy away. And you really, really help me with that. along with the same time where one of the first things you said to me is, do you know Mark? Who's Mark? That blew me away.

Because I think Mark is specifically the reason why I'm here dealing and hopefully giving people as much of me as I possibly can so that they can feel as much of themselves as I possibly can. I think Mark's death, he was my little brother that my mom was pregnant with me when my little brother drank some poison out of a Coke bottle and he died. My parents were devastated, obviously. I tell the story in my book a little bit about, you know, how the process of what you must go through as a mother. You and I are both mothers. I don't understand how my mother processed that. but to know that Mark was looking over me, which I'd never really considered wholeheartedly, I do believe that we have people in our pods that look over us that aren't necessarily earthbound

at the moment. And I was shocked that Mark was one of them. And I was shocked that you knew Mark. Like, how did you know? I just knew. I don't know how to explain it. I just knew. I just felt it.

And I was compelled to ask. And the reason I felt it is because he is in your energy, and I find it so interesting something you said. You said your mom was pregnant with you when he drank this poison, but you called him your little brother, which I found very touching. So you view him still as the little child. And, you know, you're connected in a way that says, I want to protect him. That's your protective mechanism as a grown woman and his sister.

But he actually was your older brother. He was. And you said, my little brother, that's your protective mechanism. And that's beautiful. It tells me you are very connected in soul. I wouldn't think nearly as much as what I just thought when you said that. Maybe it's because the one time I did see Mark's grave was for my grandmother's funeral and he was buried not far from my grandma in the same cemetery. And I remember looking at the date and I was holding my son Wolfie at 17 months old and Mark died at 17 months old. and I'm looking at my son going, how did my mother live?

How does she survive? So it's, yeah, okay, Mark, thanks. Yeah, you know, they're around us and they want to help us. And people always freak out and tell me, can they read my mind? And can they see things that are private? I go, if they could, I'd lose my mind. I'd be out of my mind right now. And they can't, so they're not interested in the love.

Yeah, I think they're not in human form any longer. No. So they're just the love. They don't think like we do. Yeah. They don't connect like we do. They don't talk like we do. They talk to the soul.

The soul is the vine to the divine. And they talk through our souls. And so when you said little brother, I went, oh, she has a connection to him, a really strong, protective connection. Wow. Yeah. I will say when you called me, you were very grounded in our conversation. You just were hurting because you didn't know how to handle something that was out of your control. and it's hard when it's about us and it's out of our control and all we can do is be the best people we know how to be and speak our truth and you have a right to do that it's not engaging in the insanity you know once we start engaging we're in it we're all in yeah you know and then it's a back and forth ping pong ball yeah i don't have that kind of fight in me i just don't care enough yeah but you won't win because there's nothing to win because you cannot you cannot argue or defend a lie no and a percent

And a perception. How I perceive someone, you cannot argue with me about that. It's how I perceive them. It doesn't mean they're right. You know, I always say if I think it doesn't make it true and if I say it doesn't make it right. It simply is what I think and say. Right. Just because you say something doesn't make it true.

And it's true with other people too. I want to say that. So when someone thinks and says something doesn't make them true and right. And the people that want to believe without knowing you, they're not your people. Right. And that's okay too. Yeah. There are people who want to believe.

I always wanted everyone to like me. So I won't, you know, I'm finally done with that disease, I think. Yeah. Maybe not. I don't know if I'll ever be completely done with it. But I won't people please to get there. And that's what you mean when you say you're done with it. Yeah.

Yeah. I won't do that anymore. But, you know, our central nervous system demands closure. That's what it's for. And you know that loop you get in your head where you can't stop thinking about something and it can go on for months and years sometimes where it comes up to start spinning? That's the loop that happens from your central nervous system. That's actually physical.

Yes. and just like anxiety. Yeah. And so you have to learn to create closure in a situation that doesn't feel like it has closure properly. And you can make your own closure. Yes. You don't have to hear it from someone else. You don't have to.

We want to, but we don't have to. Yeah. And sometimes I'm like at a point now where I don't want to hear it from someone else. I don't want closure. I want it for them. I hope they're okay. Well, they're not. If they're out there doing anything against you, they don't have closure.

Yeah. You know, if they have to keep, you know, I always say if you're, if you, again, if you're out there defending yourself, and I just want to say that to everyone out there, if you're out there defending yourself and you're constantly having to be vigilant about that, then you are the one that needs to look at how you need to make a change. Because I have this little saying that I live with. If someone else is my problem, my problem is me. And that's the good news because I can do something about that. If I'm not the problem, there's no solution. Because I can't change anyone but me. So you can always be the problem. Yeah. Because, and that's why I called you. I said, I'm the problem here because I can't get past this energy and I need to release this energy. So we all have our own power that I think that we absolutely forget a lot of the times. Absolutely.

That we, it does not matter what other people do. No. I mean, it may feel that way in the era of politics and everything, but what we can do is we can work on our own little small bubble. You know, go work at a food pantry, go volunteer somewhere, go do something that brightens up a single person's day. Yeah. It doesn't, you don't have to. Or your own. Or your own.

Yeah. Because the lighter you are, the lighter the world would be. I mean, we start passing that along. Well, yeah, because everything is cyclical. So what I put out comes back in. If I walk around in negative energy and feeling negative and talking negativity, I call it the lack of attitude. to gratitude. If I walk around like that, I'm going to put that out there, but I'm also going to feel it. So what am I going to do? I'm going to go out and make you feel it because I'm unhappy.

It's a constant loop. Yeah, it's just a loop that goes on. So we have to find our joy and happiness regardless. I mean, throughout my journey, I think people ask me, how did you do that? And I say, I chose. Yes. I made a choice. Through everything I've been through, I made a choice to behave in a way that said, I want to heal. I want to do something with this that helps others, which gave me an attitude of gratitude. And everyone has that choice. It may feel like it's a crappy choice, but the choice to heal is actually the bravest choice that anyone can make.

It is. And sometimes it wasn't even a choice for me. Sometimes I just did it. I didn't even think about it. I just moved into healing. I want to feel better. And this ain't making me feel better. Yeah.

And that's what pain is, your greatest motivator for change, because you want out for sure. This is why when crappy things happen, I don't want them to happen, but I find a way to be grateful for it because this means I have a lesson coming. And this means I have an opportunity to learn something to take my soul further. Yeah. And we go, why? Why me? And I say, don't worry about the why that won't heal you. Go to the who and what or how.

Okay, who is involved in this? How can I make a change and what do I need to do to do that? Right. Those are the things that are going to heal you. why doesn't mean anything? Why is just giving you information? And then you're sitting there going, well, that didn't fix anything. I know why it happened. I just, what did it fix inside of me? Yeah. And that's one of the questions. I mean, from the time I was a little girl, you know, why, but why, but why? I always want to know why. Me too. Why? And it's like sometimes,

and there's no reason. No. Yeah. But how and what can I do and what can I put the action behind and how can I be curious? That always works. And asking myself, who is this person that I'm dealing with? That's another one I never did. You know, I'd go, what's a, what's a wrong with me. I always went there. What's wrong with me? Nothing's wrong with you. But that's where I went. Right. I mean, I did the same thing. Yeah. Instead of what's wrong with them right now. Right. Because I'm stable in what I'm doing. Right. And so now I can do that. I can go, this is their issue. Right. Not mine. It's everything to do with them. Now, if they're my problem, it becomes my issue. So that's when I need to shift my energy. So if I allow them to change my way of

thinking, my way of feeling, my way of doing, I now have made them the issue. And if I do that, they have the power. I lack empowerment. And now I have to figure out how to get out of that. Or I'm not, you know, allowing them all this control over me. I mean, you allow someone too much. I don't know if you felt anybody come through while we've been sitting here. But I know, because we've been talking about this, so I don't, who knows.

But there have been so many birds that keep coming in my eye line. And I know who birds are to me. You've told me. And you weren't the only person that told me that. So I'm just wondering. Well, let me, let me. we're both open to open to anybody coming through

if you guys want to come through. That's all I'm saying for anybody. It doesn't have to just be for me. There's a bunch of people in the room. Anyway, I don't want to tax Susan either, but if anybody feels like coming through and if you don't want to come through,

that's cool too. They're always there. It's just a matter of a... Sometimes they don't want to talk about it. Yeah. And well, I think it's me too. Sometimes I'm not like feeling it, but I know they're there.

Or I'm not able to get all the information, but I know they're there and I'm evidential. I want evidence. Yeah. And so if I can't get the evidence, I don't say anything. So, you know, like I know you told me about your stepmother. You have a father on the other side also, and I can feel his energy around you. That's what I'm experiencing is your father's energy.

His father was so cool. Because you don't necessarily hear people talking to you. No, I just know they're talking. Yeah. It's not like you hear voices in your head. Yeah, no. Although I hear voices in my head all the time, but that's me. Yeah, me too, but it's not them.

It's me. Yeah, but no, no, it's just a knowing. It's just kind of pops in my head. I love those kind of moments, you know, and it just, it happens with you and you're open to it now. You didn't used to, I mean, no, I didn't used to be. I mean, you know a long time you wanted to push it away. Oh, yeah. Go away, go away, go away. And especially if I'm talking intellectually, and then it comes, it's like almost like I could feel who was behind you and I was sitting here watching you. And all of a sudden, you were speaking and I was disappearing because I was stepping into that energy. And that's what happens is I kind of, sometimes I have to go, what did you just ask me? Because I'm over there. Like, it's one foot in each world. Yeah. And you actually

had a brain scan about that that I saw, which was fascinating. Isn't that bizarre? Like to be able to live on different planes at the same time. Yeah. It's, that's crazy. And let's take some audience questions. How, okay, from Tammy Veroo, how do you move forward after becoming a widow? How do you deal with grief? How do you deal with it and the shame behind it behind losing loved ones or friends? You don't move forward. It becomes part of the landscape of your life. And people are trying to move forward. And healing is different. Are you going to heal completely? Absolutely not. You will not, but you will heal enough to move into a direction of being more secure, of not feeling shame, of not feeling left out. but your whole landscape has changed.

And I tell people, stop trying to figure it out. Grief comes to you. You don't have to go to it. You don't have to figure it out. You just have to let it be what it is in that given moment. Sometimes it sits there in your heart and you barely notice it. You just kind of miss somebody. And then sometimes it's just like a wound that just kind of opens up in your heart that

bleeds a little bit and then it gushes and then it stops up. And grief is interesting. grief is like fear it's one of the lowest of vibrational energies it's like hate you know it's very low in vibration and and so when we're in it we have to do things to change that so movement helps instead of going to our minds because our minds get us where we are to you know it's a our minds fascinating and wonderful and the neuroplasticity that our brains allow us to go through are amazing but they can really mess us up too i say it's a dangerous neighborhood to go in alone right especially when you're in grief you know and you know people say go inward and I say no go outward

you know what happens when the yearning becomes so like there are times where it's just like you miss them like you just want to hold them one more time what how where do you put that well I don't think we put it anywhere I think that we walk through that feeling everything is walking through it when it comes we walk through it. Grief, I call it going in the corner doing push-ups, waiting for you to be vulnerable. So you might be in the grocery store and all of a sudden you start crying, picking up a can of beans and people are looking at you and you're thinking, what's happening? We don't understand it enough. And it's coming to a place of understanding the process of grief, our own process. And as you understand it more and more, you start to become more gentle with yourself and not judging it.

So we can't measure grief and we can't measure love, but people will say things to us that's like I've had people say to me, oh, well, you lost your mom to suicide, but I lost so-and-so to suicide, and so mine's really heavy. And I go, you can't measure grief. But we do that to ourselves, too. So when I tell people my story, they go, oh, man, I shouldn't even be complaining. And I go, you're measuring it. There is no measurement.

You just have to walk through it, and you have to let go and allow. You have to allow whatever it is you're feeling and experiencing. And when you do that, you come to a place of just getting to a sense of self. we lose ourselves. Grief takes away our self-esteem. It's the first thing it hits our self-esteem. We drop to the floor. And everything is off. Everything is wrong in our lives. And we don't even like ourselves. We don't even know who we are anymore. We are lost in that. And that is what it's meant to do. That's what it's meant to do to make true change. If you're not doing that, you're not grieving. So grief just does that to you. And I mean you're not grieving. You're not in a grief situation. Right. So the first thing you're going to do is hit the floor. Right? And your self-esteem's going to go out the door. Everything in your life has changed. Everything. And I don't care what kind of grief it is. Somebody has an affair on someone. That's a grief so deep and dark. And it changes your whole world. It rocks your whole sense of being. A grief of what you thought your life was going to be that is no longer will. Or maybe was never what you thought it was.

Yeah. That's what we go to. That's a big one with, you know, someone cheating on us. You know, it was a whole lie. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. Just in that much. moment it is. And it's the same thing with grief. We take it moment by moment. So people call me and they'll go, I can't get out of bed. They've lost their child. They can't get out of bed. I say, can you take your foot and put it out from underneath the covers. And they go, I think I can. I go, when you can do that, call me back. And they'll call me back and go, okay, my foot's out of the cover. But I had to pee and I can't get out of bed. I just want to pee right here in bed. I mean, literally, the pain they're in. And I tell them, can you just take your leg and pop it out from under the cover? Because grief is about

baby steps. The next thing they call me back and say, I took my leg and I, you know, took it out. And before I know it, they're in the bathroom, the goal is to allow them to move through it, little baby steps at a time, little movements. And that's what gets you through day to day until we wake up in the morning. You go, I've got to pee and you get out of bed. And be patient with yourself. Oh, yeah. Give yourself grace. You know, grief hurts like a motherfucker. Yeah. I say carry a grace card. for yourself and for others, especially when you're in grief because you're going to be angry,

you're going to be sad, you're going to be overwhelmed, you're going to be bartering. You're going to try to figure out what you could have done different to have them stay. What if I would have taken better care of them? Maybe they would have stayed another month. Or I wish I had said this before they passed or I wish, you know, say it now. Yeah. Say it now. Here's the big guilt for me was always, I am so tired.

I just want this to be over. And then it's over and I go, I had no. idea. I just want it back. I'd rather be tired. And then I feel guilty because I thought those feelings and had those thoughts going through me. Never feel guilt over what your experience is as a human being. You don't want them gone. You want the pain to stop. Yes. That's it. Yeah. It's not that you want them gone. No. And so we have to remember that when we're in grief. But to her question, when you just allow it to be what it is, is when the shame will go away, when the feelings, feelings of overwhelm will go away, and you'll just be able to seat in your grief, allow yourself,

your body knows how to heal the same way it knows how to die. It has been structured to do both from the moment you were born. So let it, let it do its job. Beautiful, beautiful. From Joanna Marie, do you feel that we are on a predetermined path in life, who we love, who we marry, how many children we have, our careers, our friendships, do you think there are signs that those who we loved and lost are communicating with us from the afterlife? Well, first of all, signs absolutely, but we have to put down our limiting beliefs and be willing to be open to the possibility. You don't need to believe. You just need to believe in the possibility. The minute you do that, you start seeing what you need to see. And then what

was the other question? Do you feel like we're on a predetermined path in life? Well, I think some of it is. So when I was on the other side, this is what I understood it to be. I'm, may, my soul may want to resonate in the understanding of what marriage feels like. So I will be married. It might be 95, but I'll be married. Who I marry, how long I'm married. The kind of marriage I have is all free will for my soul to evolve and grow. If we didn't have free will, we wouldn't need to be here. We might as well do it all up there. It's all planned. Right. We'll learn what we're going to learn there. We come here for free will. So you picture five doors in front of you and you walk in one door and you go, oh, this person's narcissistic. And now the reason I talk about that so much is because

I've studied it so intensely, and I've lived with it in my life so much. It has become kind of like a, you know. A loose term. Yeah, because, I mean, we all have narcissistic tendencies. Absolutely. And I think, but to be diagnosed narcissist with a narcissistic personality disorder. It's very different. It's very different.

But the narcissistic tendencies can be, it's like, what is that called, Cudsrow in the South. It's a weed. It's beautiful. It's amazing, right? And it grows and you go, oh, my God, that's so beautiful. It's everywhere. but it grows on a tree and smothers it and takes it down. That's the difference.

That's okay. So we have some narcissistic, you know, it's the beginning of the weed and it's beautiful and it, you know, it is our self-protection. It keeps us safe. I'm not going to let that car hit me. I'm going to stand up for myself. And then it overgrows. And that's what we have to watch is the overgrowth.

How far it goes could be diagnosis and narcissism or having narcissistic tendencies that are really strong and destructive. Right. So it can be, you know. So yes, some things are predetermined, but if everything was, So if you have five doors in front of you, you walk in there's a narcissist, you have a choice now. Do you walk out and go through the next door? If you've experienced one, because if I open a door and a narcissist, I'm going to, where's the other door?

Because I've experienced it. So I don't need to experience that again. Right. So then you choose a different door. So we do have free will, but there are people who experience it and still stay in that door. They still close the door and go, okay, let's get married. You know, you don't have to throw me once again under the bus. Yeah.

Me either. And probably 99% of your listeners. So if we didn't have lessons to learn, we wouldn't be here. If we didn't have free will, we wouldn't be here. We would still be spirits and energy. We'd not need to come here. They'd just planet force up there and that would be it. But our free will determine.

But it's exciting to come here. And it's a big gift to come here. Oh, it's like such a huge gift to be able to experience the human experience. You know what I saw when people were crossing over? What? I saw them patting everyone on the back and saying, good job, you're so brave. Yeah. We're all brave to be here.

Yeah. No matter what. It makes me want to cry when I say it because it was so intensive watching this and watching people going, I could have done this and I could have done this better and that better. They're like, you're so brave. Me too. You're so brave. I'm sorry.

Let me do it again. Let me do it again. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Me too. Me too. And, you know, people say to me, I never want to come back and I tell them you will because

you'll have new tools. You've learned so much. But time is so... It's linear here only. Okay. So you don't... I do believe in past life. I do believe all that stuff.

Because that's us learning and... Well, you couldn't do it all in one lifetime. That's so ego-driven. Oh, God, I hope not. Yeah. I've done a lot of it, I think, on this one, but... Did you ever? And if you just read this book and it's...

Wow. I'm glad you're writing another one. Thank you. I'm excited about the new one that you're writing because I get to read it. So our conversation is not done yet. After this quick break, we're going to jump into the full reveal, our segment of the podcast, especially made with the help of the members of Valerie's Place. Thank you for listening to Getting Naked the podcast.

If you want to hear the full reveal from today's episode, head over to valry's place.com and sign up. For $2 per month, you'll get the full reveal and early access to every episode of the podcast. Use the promo code podcast at checkout for 10% off. your first month. I'll see you next week.