Getting Naked: The Podcast - Stripped Down

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Valerie sits down with her close friend, writer, and travel blogger Jo Stougaard, for an intimate and wide-ranging conversation. Jo shares her ultimate insider travel tips for exploring the world, while also opening up about the deeper, more vulnerable aspects of her complicated family history. It’s a beautifully balanced episode that seamlessly transitions from practical wanderlust advice to the raw, unfiltered storytelling that defines the podcast.

Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in. Loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen by it, like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify Advertising. You're among fans. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair.

Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home.

Hi, welcome to Getting Naked, the podcast. I have a really fun show today. This is really fun for me, and I think it's going to be fun for you too. It's all about travel, parents, parental, all kinds of stuff. mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, and travel and food. There's so much to talk about. And we're going to be doing it with one of my very, very, very dear best friends. Her name is Joe Stugard.

We had a great conversation. And there's someone in this world that adores her even more than I do. And that would be my dog, Luna. So stay tuned. I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. I love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of mothers.

I see all of your comments. I swear I do. You are wondering where's my show? This is so dang delicious. Smells divine. That's a jalapeno popper. Oh my god. It's so good! Yes, I'm back and I am cooking for all of you. All right, Sophie, what are we reheating today? Welcome to Nal Vow's cooking. Guess what we're gonna make right now. We're alive. Hi everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's place. That's where you can see our book group, this podcast. That's where you can go for all the cooking that you want to see. Oh, yes. I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again. I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valerie'splace.com and go ahead and sign up.

You guys are the original members and I can't thank you enough. It's happy time. Hi, thanks for joining us. This is Getting Naked the podcast. I'm so happy you're here. I have a very special guest today. She's my girl and she takes care of my girl. She's Luna's Auntie Joe. But she does have a professional name. Her name is Joe Stugard. She has had really cool jobs during her life. And she has a really cool family story. I've been like begging her to tell her story and write a book.

She's an excellent writer, an amazing writer. She has written articles for the L.A. Times. She is an amazing food blogger. She is a travel blogger extraordinaire. Like this woman knows how to travel. And I'm telling you, I've had experience. I have traveled with Joe multiple times, and it's the best way to travel. Like, this woman knows how to travel.

So before I, like, go on and keep talking about her, before, what was, oh, without further ado, let me just introduce Joe Stugard. Nice to be here. This is my first podcast. This is her very first podcast. I've been on a cooking show lots. You have. Yeah.

Yeah. So a lot of you guys will recognize Joe, because she's already been on Valerie's place. Of course. Yep. And the three of us, the last time we traveled, we went to Paris with Jen. It was so fun. It was so much fun.

And I think you and I feel the same way about traveling with people. Like you have to be that travel partner that you can separate sometimes during the, you have to do everything together. Like we'll separate at certain times of the day. Like you and Jen went off to do something and I went off to go do something else and then we all ended up in our hotel rooms. We don't have all the same interests. No. I wanted to go stalk Hemingway, you know, and Val hit every person. perfume shop in Paris. I did.

I went with you on one. You did. It was really fun seeing you just like light up. They're so fascinating. I stood in line for 45 minutes to go to one that I can't even think of the name right now, but I'm going back when I go back. But before we get into today's episode, I just want to give you a quick reminder to stay tuned for the full reveal. That is a special segment for Valerie's Place members only. And if you want to be able to access the full reveal and get early access to the podcast, head on over to Valerie's Place.com. and sign up. Please be a part of our community. Enough about that. I want to talk about, first of all, you have a substack coming out that I'm

super excited about. It is called The Stripper's Daughter. The Stripper's Daughter. And we'll get into why that is. If you'd like to follow Joe on Instagram, it is My Last Bite. And I wanted to ask you about My Last Bite. Like, how did you come up with that? That was just when I started food blogging and I got the domain for a joke. But I actually started food blogging because I was too afraid to write. about my family. That's an, oh, this is going to take a lovely. Because my parents were still alive and I couldn't tell all these stories about my

childhood, but I wanted to write. So that's when the food writing came in. I didn't care. I was like, I just needed to write. That's interesting because your mom and your dad weren't really, they didn't cook. Oh, my dad cooked. Oh, he did. My dad was a great cook.

My mother, no. No. Cigarettes and sake, man. Cigarettes and sake. So you were born in. Okinawa. Okinawa. Yep, in 1964.

hideed the Vietnam War. Can you believe that? Yeah, I look back and go, it was crazy. It was a crazy time. And it was still part of the U.S. then. It didn't mean for... Okina? Oh, yeah, it was still owned by the U.S.

Administrative from World War II. So that's why there was so much military there. Wow, and your dad was in the military. He was in the Navy. Even though he was Scottish. Yes, he's Scottish. He's American. Exactly, exactly.

And he was a really... Can I cuss? Yes. He was a real shit kid. But a brilliant musician. So my grandpa said... Whoa. Yeah, he's a brilliant musician.

And that's where you get, because you play piano and guitar. Yeah. And my grandpa said either you go to jail soon or you go in the Navy. He was like 17, turning 18. He had to go audition for the Navy band in D.C. He was so good. They took him. Wow.

He started touring with the U.S.O. And is that how you met your mom? Yeah. So people say, oh, did your dad do Vietnam? I'm like, yeah, in a club. But I have some great old photos of him playing jazz. Really? Asians all over and touring Asia and stuff.

Do you know how old your parents were when they met? Well, I know that he spent some time in Japan before he met. her. He was 18, so I'm thinking early 20s, yeah. Okay. I think, yeah. I don't really know. And do you want to tell me what your mom did and what her business? Because your mom was a badass. I mean, she was. I mean, I'm only now proud of her.

Which we talk about was so shameful because I should have been proud of her in a younger brother. Please don't say should. Shun doesn't mind fuck. I know. You're allowed to be proud of them now. I was embarrassed at her growing up, you know? But she was a super famous stripper.

And I found all these articles about people talking about her. And I asked her once and she's like, you know what? She goes, no food, so hungry. It was that simple. It was that simple. Wow. But not only was she a stripper. No, so after she was.

She built that into an empire. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, she was one of the only, like, woman owned a nightclubs during that era. I mean. And you said at one point we were talking and you said something about, she basically owned a little island. No, she, was she the last island that she lived on, the Aco Gina? She ran it.

Ran it. Ran it. Yeah. I mean, when I say owned, I don't mean. Oh, no, no. Literally, I can say her name. And they're like, oh, hey, do whatever you want. Yeah, and even the police station, we had to go, you know, give money to the chief of police when I visited and just sit there for an hour.

And, you know, I collected wanted posters because I thought it was funny. I'd go visit her. Do you still have them? I still do. I just found pictures of them. I'm like, weird wanted posters. But anywhere we go or cab ride, it was free. Wow.

Yeah. But that was the little island off of, it's actually all of Taiwan. Okay. Yeah, so she was a badass. But even her mom was. Did you ever go there? I did. I did a few times, yeah, before she died.

And then we'd go on and off with our relationship. and she was just hard. She was really hard. And you were born in Okinawa. You have a sister. Yes. Who was born before you. She's older.

And your mom ran the club at that time? Yes. And she ran the night club with a big famous one. It's called China Night. Beautiful, beautiful club with bandstands. And she would copy Playboy Bunny outfits and redo them for her girls. So she would look at Playboy just to get the outfits. And it was just, the photos are amazing that she had all these photos of the cocktails.

girls and strippers and she just gave. She's just dying her dress, you know. How did she, I mean, it's kind of interesting to, like, in that day and age, like 64 and then what was Janet 60? Yeah, she was born 60, yeah. Right. So that's in that day and age to run a business and be pregnant. Yeah.

Like, it's unheard of. You can do it. I mean, you're allowed to do it now. But her child was so hard. So that made her really tough because she was orphaned during the bombing of Okinawa when she was eight and found in a tree. with Burns, adopted by a local woman who adopted a bunch of orphans. So my...

So she never knew her parents. Oh, no. No. And we knew Oba, which was the woman that adopted her, but she was badass. Oba was like Yoda, like 4 foot four, where BVD, white t-shirts and like, you know, didn't have plumbing, but she had a Hattachi TV. I'm like, Mommy, get her a toilet. She's like, she don't want a toilet.

She wants the Hapachi TV? I'm like, I'm like, big Hattachi TV. Yeah. So she was a badass, too. So she took care of all the orphans, and she was revered. Did I say Hibachi? Yeah. I heard Hitachi.

You know what? Habachi TV is a good idea. Well, you can eat and watch TV at the same time. Yeah, but, so her mom was a badass, and I know from, you know, previous stories, my dad always said he rescued her. She was the island girl, but no, I know it was my mom rescued my time. Now you know.

Now you know. You look back and you can see. Yeah, you look back in the photos, and it was her mom that she wanted her, my mom to marry a GI, because that was a big deal to get that, you know, to marry the GI. So, but, um, I know, to marry the GI. They thought America was so...

Of course. But also brought in business. Oh, of course. All the military business, I mean, she just loved... It must have been booming that business that she had. Because it was, it was, they would come to the transports of Navy Marines. They would come to Okinawa first, then go to Vietnam. So this was the stop before and after. Oh, my God, those poor boys.

My mom's talking about to see the difference of the going and coming back. Oh, my heart. Gongho, 18-year-old. She's coming back. They're just, they're ruined. They're ruined. She's stealing both ways. Wow.

Your mom should have written a book. I know. I know. God. And she probably would have. She was still alive. She probably would have. She probably would have.

How old was she when she died? Oh, she was 13 years, I think. 79. Oh, she was young. Yeah, yeah. But she was a smoker. And you, oh, she was. Oh, she died.

Like, they let her smoke in the ambulance on the way before she died. They told me. They're like, she's like, I don't care. She's died. That's funny. No, she was a smoker. So, yeah. So did you get to know your mom near the, because I,

because I knew you then. Yes, yes, when she died. And you were going back and forth. I knew you when she died. Yes. Yeah. So, with 10 years, we didn't see each other. And then we...

Well, explain to me why you moved away from Okinawa. Well, international divorce. And in 1972, basically, Japan was taking over Okinawa. So you were eight? Yes. I was 7 turning 8. And my dad just said, we cannot have these girls stay here with my mom. And the story my dad told was that my mom was going to put my sister in the business.

We don't know. you know, so I'm into the nightclub business and hostessing. So my dad said, you guys need to get out, I'm going to get you out. And this was like, it was great, there was riots in the street. It was just crazy time in Okinawa because it was going from American control to Japanese control. Money changed overnight. Cars went the opposite side of the way. It was insane.

So my dad said, I'm going to get your girls out. And he put us on a plane. My mom, my grandma was screaming trying to get us. Oh. And then he left and said, this guy's taking you to. Wait, what? He stayed there? Come with us.

It was crazy. Two young girls. Yeah, so I was 7, 28. My birthday was that day, and then my sister was 10. And we're sitting there. What the fuck? You turned 8 years old on the day you were taken out of Okinawa. And then it was a long flight.

I think we had to stop Tokyo, then Honolulu. And my poor sister. I mean, I just give her credit for it. I was a little shit. You know, can you imagine me as a seven-year-old? Like, wait, what are we doing? You're the best little shit now, though. I know, but I have just, I mean, that place, I have so much.

compassionate for her, she had taken her meet that whole flight. And then the guy ditched us in Tokyo. So the guy that was supposed to get us to L.A. ditched us. And then we had to find a flight attendant and then all my grandparents, my dad's parents in San Marino, and then they had to come get us. So, yeah, it was, it was crazy. It was crazy. Imagine children doing this back in 1972. I would speak about this and, you know, it was just so normal for me, but I talked to people and they're like, what? They just, you didn't come with you? It doesn't, come with me. Compute. Yeah. So we thought he was coming to rescue us and take. because to L.A., but he's just like...

So where did you go when you got to L.A.? So my grandparents met us at the airport, and then we moved, we lived with them for a few months. This is too hard for them. Were they older? Oh, yeah, but also we were, you know, little immigrants that I didn't wear shoes, I didn't like to bathe.

You know, I was like, well, I lived on an island, you know? We just... Yeah. It was just a whole different thing. So they decided to put us in a super religious Christian school. So that didn't go well for me. Yeah, San Diego Christian School for girls. It was, I...

In Los Angeles. Yeah. And then I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to communicate. I just decided, you know, what was in? Well, you didn't have either one of your parents. No, no. What were you feeling then? Just shock. I just remember being in shock. And my grandpa was so sweet, though. He would like try to like give us some of our culture. So he would take us to like a Chinese restaurant. And we're like, this is not an Okerno. He's like, he's like Asian. He was so funny. He would try to make us like scrambled eggs and. And so this is your grandparents on your. father's size. Yeah, and then he would like... Obviously, you didn't have grandparents on your other side.

He would try to do Asian stuff, but we didn't know anything about this Chinese food. And it was pretty funny because he tried. But, yeah, it was called Dragon Pro Restaurant in Pasadena, this old restaurant. And we're like, okay, it's nice, but we don't know anything about it. Amazing. So they tried to take care of us, and then they couldn't do it. So he was a mason and a shriner, which, you know, they're those clubs, I guess, in private fraternities.

And there's a private home in Kavina. So if you're a Mason or Shriner, the lodge can sponsor children to live there. So it was really interesting. So it's a private orphanage. Ah. Yeah, a masonic home for children. And it used to be a regular orphanage, but now it was just for wayward children or abandoned children. So at 9, 10 years old, you went to?

I was still 8. So 8 years old, you went to an orphanage, even though both of your parents were alive. Yeah, and it was nice. Let me just say it was pretty because, I mean, we had our own rooms, and there were 10 cottages, there was a tennis course. My friends would come visit. They go, we want to live here. Do you really, though? Yeah, yeah.

But it was institution. I mean, institutionalized food, scheduled, 30 minutes to eat the morning, back to the house, school. When did you see your dad again? I feel like it was a year or so. It was a long time. Did you hear from him? He would write letters to my grandpa and said he was going to help pay for the. He never paid for anything.

My grandpa had to pay for everything and take care of us. So he always said he was going to support. But he wasn't equipped. He wasn't equipped. And I always missed my dad. I never miss my mom when I was little. Really? Never.

Why do you think that is? Because I never really knew her when I was little. She's working. Right. I mean, it was interesting. Like, she never mothered me. I have no. That's interesting because you are so, such a mother's soul when it comes to pets.

Yeah, some of my dogs. I told you when I knew I shouldn't have children. I always knew I didn't want to. And I felt guilty about that I'm at 20s. But it was a moment at the park when there was a girl in a baby carriage and she had a puppy. And I ran to the puppy and ignored the baby. And I'm like, hey, I know, it's just like, I was like, oh, okay, I'm, I get it. There's nothing wrong with not wanting children.

It was really the first time I went, huh, don't care about the baby. Yeah. Give me the puppy. Yeah. You know, I've always had lots of dogs and mother them. I know. When I met you, I think you had five. I know, I remember you came over.

You're like, how do you do this? I know, they all sleep in the baby. And now, of course, I have, you know, six pets. I know. I know. And Luna, Luna just adores you. You really are her second mom, if not her first mom. I mean.

No, no, she just, we just have a really good pond. You do. We have for a long time. Yeah. And I came over yesterday. You're like, you can sit in the chair. I'm like, no. I know.

You sat on the floor with her. I've said on the floor with my Lou. Yeah. I've told you this a million times, but it just soothes my soul to know. Because I love traveling. And I want to get into that with you so much. But the part I hate the most about it is leaving my animals. So knowing that Luna is with you just eases me a little bit better.

And London takes care of my cat. So it makes me very, very, very. Like, I can be secure and safe. You should travel more often. It'd be really good for me. Yeah. I know. You're always asking me when I'm going away. Well, because it's been a year this week that Woody passed. So he was my last boy.

Yeah. So Luna's all I got. And I don't want to get any more pets until I do more traveling. I just want to get that. Yeah. It's too hard, as you know. I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. I love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of muffins.

I see all of your comments. I swear I do. You are wondering, where's my show? This is so dang delicious. Smells divine. That's a jalapeno popper. Oh my God. It's so good. Yes, I'm back, and I am cooking for all of you.

All right, Sophie. What are we reheating today? Welcome to Nal Vow's cooking. Guess what we're going to make right now. We're alive. Hi, everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's Place.

That's where you can see our book group, this podcast. That's where you can go for all the cooking that you want to see. Oh, yes. I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again. I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valereseplace.com and go ahead and sign up.

You guys are the original members, and I can't thank you enough. It's happy time. So what made you love traveling so much? Because your first experience with traveling is very scary. And we used to visit our grandparents when we were little, like two years old. So, I mean, I have a passport picture from 60, 65, 67. I mean, we were babies. So we used to come all the time.

and it was a long haul. Right. And my grandma was very racist to my mom until the kids were born. Wow. So it was just, I think that's kind of typical back then in the 60s. She just did not want any mixed kids. Racism is still here. I know, I know.

It hasn't gone anywhere, unfortunately. You were the first, like, ethnic kids at the Masonic home. It was a big deal to let us in. I'm like, yeah, we were the first non-white kids. But it was crazy there. But I always say I served 10 years. I check myself out on my 18th birthday. I'm like, bye.

midnight cake. What did you do? Oh, I went to live with my sister. Yeah, we had, we had a condo. So your sister had already moved out by then? Yeah, we had a condo. My grandparents had money, so we were really lucky that way. I mean, they, you know, take clothes, you know, first car. Yeah. He did. It's just the 10 years. Money's good, but there's some abandonment issues there. For sure, for sure. Oh, for sure. You know, like, um. I know that just five years ago, we wouldn't be able to talk so freely about this. We've talked a lot. Yeah, yeah. About it, but would never, I've never really dug in because I'm trying to be. respectful to you. Well, my dad was still alive. Right. I mean, literally, I couldn't talk about them

because it's so much guilt and shame. You wrote the most beautiful story. Go to My Last Bite on Instagram. It's a pinned post of the story of you and your father and how you reconnected after he basically abandoned you at an orphanage. You did. And it took a long time to even say he did because we always had the story playing in our family. Oh, he moved on. Your girls were okay in L.A. and then he remarried, you know, but you look back and go, fucking started a second family and dumped his daughters. Yeah. It was pretty bad. It was pretty bad.

You're allowed to have anger about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we reconnected. And that story you wrote for the times, never really, I mean, you were so gracious and so kind and so loving with the way you wrote about your father and your stepmother in giving them grace. and I don't know how hard that was to do. Yeah, I mean, it backfired. That's insane to me that now your stepmother won't even speak to you. No, we don't talk anymore after that.

She was just, she said, I can't believe you spoke about your father leaving you. And I'm like, well, you did. That's the truth. Yeah, and I told her, I go, I need to write the book someday. She's like, well, I just don't think it needs to be in the L.A. Times. I'm like, what do you think the book's going to do? So it was just back and forward. She always knew.

And then she was part of the reason you didn't move to Scotland. Exactly. And she always said, it just wouldn't have been good if you girls were here because you were mixed, you know, in their little village. I'm like, I would have the most badass accent. I'm so mad. Man, I'm a little Scottish boy, you know, I'd be like, damn it. That was when I was little. I'm like, but I would have an accent.

Yeah. And remember my little kilt. Yeah. And you still, to this day, love Scotland, and you love everything about it. I love it. Love it. It's just so fun. And I've saved up for each of my, my sisters have four kids.

I saved up for each graduation to take them. So they've all been, they all got to meet their grandpa. and had a Scottish experience because I was just like, oh, we are doing 16 things today because we only have a week. I'd show them everything. So that was my biggest thing

was just like getting to take them. Getting so that they could hold on to their heritage as well. Yeah, and they came back so proud. Yeah. Came back with Plaid and everything. Yeah, their Scottish Platt. Exactly. Yeah.

So what got you into traveling? Well, I mean, my first husband, my first husband was an airline pilot. That's when I really started traveling because we had free passes. Not back in those days? It was insane. I mean,

it was very different traveling in the 70s. It was just a booklet. This would be the 80s. At 80s. Sorry, I'm aging you because I'm, yeah. Yeah, yeah, only a few years older than you. I'm four years older than you. That's not me.

No, but I met the airline pilot. Great guy. Just, we would just travel anywhere. Like, I'd be like, I don't go to Amsterdam for a concert. It was like that. Wow. I'm going to go to Greece for a few weeks and we just fill out the ticket, ticket to whatever airline, and they'd accept it.

Like, because it was. And you did fall, you fell in love. with traveling by traveling yes yes I mean I'm just trying to think because the man you fell in love with yeah was a pilot so he traveled exactly but we didn't always travel together we just go and do our own thing he was a surfer ah so he would go to Indonesian surf and you know I would you know it was just so much fun and when were you married that one was seven seven years that one I know your second husband yes I love Peter yeah yeah but um no so I mean it's just we were so young and I didn't know how to actually be a wife it was weird I was like

Well, neither did I got married when I was 20. I didn't have any idea of having my wife. So we just grew apart. But he's really happy. He's got two kids happily married. Oh, good. I guess he'll get Christmas cards. Oh, that's lovely.

It's really nice. It's really nice. And then you started working for Tom Mengelson. Yes. Yes. So what amazing nature photo. I don't know if anybody knows who Tom Mangelson is. He is a brilliant nature photographer.

I have many. I bought many of his photos before I even met you, I think. No, you did. I think he'd probably. Which is crazy coincidence. Yeah. No, I mean, I mean, like, he was just so renowned. He has this famous picture.

I have it. I bought it in Park City because he had a gallery there. It's, what's it called? Catch of the day. Catch of the day. And it's a bear with a salmon. His mouth is open and the salmon is just about to just fly into its mouth. And you see the beautiful waterfalls and everything, you know, around it.

This is before AI where you can't fake those kind of pictures, before Photoshop and digital. So he doesn't even know if he has the shot. and it's a stunning shot. It is amazing. I mean, so I worked in his gallery in La Jolla, selling his art, and I was still married to the airline pilot, so I'm like, you should take an assistant, and I fly free. I was such a little hustler.

Okay. Hi, Mom. Yeah, totally, totally. I fly free, so that's when I started traveling a lot. You have a specific thing that you do, that I admire. I do. You love research. I do, I do.

And you learn specific phrases to each country you're going to go to. Tell me what they are. Yeah, so the last one I went to, it was five, countries. So it was Hungary, Croatia, Serbia, Bulgaria, and Romania. So I just made sure I knew five phrases for each stop. And a couple of them were the same. Did you use them? I did. I did. Yeah, even if they don't care. I'm like, I'm still using them. I know that. Would that be a great travel tip for people? Oh, for sure. You've traveled so much. Like, what are some of the best travel tips? Yeah, I mean, for me, definitely, just learn a couple. Thank you. Just do it. I've

traveled with so many people. Hello. Hello. Hello. Goodbye. Hungarian, Hungarian would be, oh my gosh, I forgot Hungarian. What's in a Russian? A Russian was, was Pesiba, yeah, Pesiba. But Romanian, Moltusik, Bulgarian, Blagadaria. I remember that was Havala, and I forgot, I forgot Hungarian. But, yeah, but Romania was the last stop, so that's the one I remember the most. But everything else sounded a little bit Russian, Slavic, until we got to Romania, and it sounds Italian.

It was seriously? Really fun. It was really fun. Like, Multimask is thank you, but then you're welcome is Kupl cherry. Wow. So that's fun. But yeah, definitely travel tip. Learn one thing.

Learn at least a few, you know, words that you could use. Sure. And use the technology because there's an app called Nemo where I download for every country. It's free. You can learn your five phrases. Oh, that's great. I have to download that then. And then we did Google offline in Paris.

Oh, you did? Yeah. I mean, I think you did too. Oh, that's right. We had your map, Jen's map and my map. Yeah. Where I wanted to go, so you knew all the perfume stores I was hidden. But you can merge them.

But if you use Google map and you offline it and you have everything saved before you go, open it up, it's offline. There's no Wi-Fi and you can say, oh, here. Right. Right. And it's easier to get around. Especially, I mean, a place like Paris where the streets are not gritted, they're like whack-a-doodle spaghetti. But it makes sense when you see the snail. Yeah, yeah.

I know this is backtracking a little bit. but I want you to talk a little bit about the article that you wrote for the L.A. Times after your father passed. And tell me, because that explains what happened and how you got reconnected, and I think it's a beautiful story. Part of it was for his eulogy, which I couldn't get through it, but I still read it. But I sent it to Jen. And she said, you know, it's not until next year. It was a year later. She goes, we'd love to publish this for L.A. Times for Food Section, because I talked about

how I fed him before he died. I was there. I remember how often you would go there. I know. And for the last month before, he was head hospital food, and he goes, I'm dying anyway. Just cook for me.

So I would just cook like Okinawan dishes that he loved, like slow-roasted pork and brazed chicken and things that he taught me how to cook, you know, just slow-cooked chicken and a pressure cooker. So article was just about how things they taught me. And how reconnected both of you again. Did he ever apologize to you?

You did. You know what? And I have read so many self-help books. Thank goodness. you know, because they have helped. But the one that got me there is somebody I'm not a big fan of now, but, you know, 20 years old, Dr. Phil. Oh, wow. Dr. Phil.

Yeah, not a fan of his right now. Not me either. I was back then, but he said, sometimes people don't know they need to say an apology. You need to go ask for it. Wow. So I went to Scotland and I was there for five days. I waited for the fifth day. I'm like, get down and you talk to you.

You need to apologize for leave me at the home. And his mom was abusive. So that's a whole other issue. She was very abusive to me. grandma. And I go, and you need to apologize for leaving me with your mom. And then he broke down. He's like, oh, so he had a good cry. Yeah, and it was like, he held it in, you know. You must be so grateful that you got that connection with him before he passed. You did. And after that, it was like, I would get CDs in the mail every week. Here's these songs I loved in the 70s. Here's the songs

I love in the 60s. And that was his way of giving me more of him because he was such a, you know, so that apology happened before he passed, like obviously before he passed, but how far before? 2002. 2002, long time. Oh, that's fabulous. I started going back and forth, back and forth. So you were able to develop a relationship with him? And that's all I wanted in life was to make my dad proud, you know. And he was really proud of me with I started writing for L.A. Times. And the biggest thing he was proud of me for was when the Scottish Travel Tourism Bureau reached out.

They were trying to find, you know, Instagram people. We'd like you to do a heritage tour and tour Scotland. Oh. And do your Clan Maxwell. My dad was like, what? Like, it was such a big deal. So, yeah, it was really fun. So Clan Maxwell, which is obviously the clan that he did.

he and you are a part of. I mean, it was amazing just flying to Edinburgh and all these little villages and go to our original heritage castle, which we have no right to, but it was like the Clan Maxwell Castle. So he was so proud and he was kind of lost his sight and he had printed out 30 pages and like 20 point type. And he was like, okay, day three. You're in this castle. But it was such a good feeling. Yeah. Yeah, having him be proud of that. Yeah. I'm glad you got that with him. Me too. And I'm sorry that by writing that article and showing how you can reconnect with the parent, which is such a beautiful thing to be able to do, that your stepmother would be angry about it.

And I have compassion for her because she just doesn't have the coping skills to understand that she was a part of it. Yeah. But I didn't even call her out. I was very kind to her an article. No, it was such a kind, gentle. You can go read the article on My Last Bite. No, but it was just, I just had to be done because I worked so hard to build a relationship

with him and for her to go, well, no, you know. And you were so kind in the story that you were. I know. No, I'm like, mm-mm. No, you know what? You can continue to write your book because I know you are writing an amazing book right now

that I'm super excited to read. Thank you. And you are opening a substack called The Stripper's Daughter about you and your mom. So let's talk a little bit about your mom. She was a show girl. We talked a little bit about that already.

She ran a business. She ran the nightclubs. It was a strip club, karaoke club. That was, you know. Did she meet your father by him going there? I think he auditioned. That's what she had told me. Because he's a musician.

And so that's where the dynamics was really bad for their marriage. She was always the boss at home, too. And I saw it. I don't remember her bossing him around, but she just had that presence, you know. How long did you see your mom before she passed? I remember when you went there after she died, you got the phone call that she passed. A few times. A few times.

Because I had some problems with her just, I mean, first time I saw after 10 years, she wouldn't hug me. So she just, it was very, I expected, oh, I haven't seen me. It was just high, hi, hi. Yeah. And she would help me if there's cameras around or she needed a photograph. So it was just like, oh, it wasn't going to be what I needed. Because I don't, I mean, she never had that modeling of what it's like to be a mother. I mean, she was a hustling and she was eight.

I mean, you can imagine living in a group of orphans. I mean, kind of. Yes, you can. But mine was very nice. She was, you know. I love how you keep making excuses for living in an orphanage for ten. Because, I mean, honestly, even living in the Masonic home, we would play softball against other orphanages. McClaren Hall kids were so mean, we'd be like, we're going to get killed.

I mean, so there's just different levels of orphanages. Yes, but, I mean, it doesn't lessen someone else's. I think there's a thing with trauma that, and I know I've done this, and I see you do it all the time, which is why I love you. One of the many reasons I love you because you're so giving and so forgiving is that I feel like my trauma was nowhere near what yours was, what someone else is. So how dare I be upset about this or let it like put roadblocks in my life? You know, get the hell off the floor of Valerie and live your life.

I used to joke. Well, we were orphans, but we were fat because we were afraid. Like I don't want people to think we were starving orphans. So I know, exactly. But the abandonment issues are still the same. Of course, but I'd be like, we were fat, too much. I would always make up. Isn't that interesting about trauma and how we make excuses?

is up for it because we don't, what is that? Is that we just don't want people to feel sorry for us? Yeah. And we know that we were blessed in other ways, so we don't want to give the impression that we're, you know. That relative thing, like, oh, it's bad, but it wasn't as bad. Right, right. And I know you, and I know me.

We don't want to be a victim of anything. I'm not a victim. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm just like, but I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But it took you a long time to get good. Oh, I'm 62. You have changed a lot in just the... How am I? How long ago we known each other now? 25 years? I mean, but we would hang it out for high 10. But the last 10, yeah, the last 10 years we've gotten closer. Way close.

For sure, for sure. But, yeah. So I've seen a huge difference in you. But also that's because... Even in just the last 10 years. But even, like, quit drinking a couple years ago. At home, I still cocktail. So, every once in a while.

And you've come up with a cocktail for the surper's daughter. Yes, yes, yes. Which I think is great. Mommy, but I almost wore her bracelet today, but I got teary. Oh, huh. Oh, no, I was like, no, I can't wear it because I'll be like, I want to see it. Yeah, just a beautiful gold bangle with a little chain, but I'm like, no, I can't do it.

Oh, that's so sweet. I'm wearing another time, but yeah. So it was hard to get close to your mom. Oh, we never really did. It was always a weird hustle. Like even when I took Peter, my second husband to meet her, she found out he had worked for Spielberg. So she was making deals while he was there. Oh, my God.

And we'd heard, da, blah, blah. Okay, now. I'm like, what is she doing? And as we were leaving, she said, why don't you guys give me all your kids? cash since you're leaving. So it was always constantly. She couldn't help herself. She's hustle, what was her name? Maria. Maria. Maria. I remember called her Marie. She said several names. She's, she's, you don't know what her real names. I actually have her passport. That's the last one. Oh, okay. But my dad said, oh, she did a thing where you disappear, jihatsu. She would do that in the

90s when she had creditors after her. Oh my god. My dad would go, she's probably in jihats. I'm like, yeah. And we wouldn't hear from her for a couple years. So she didn't just switch her name. When was the last time you saw her before you found out she passed? So that was, gosh, it must have been late, late 90s. Yeah. And then we had the little, it wasn't really falling out. I just couldn't deal with her trying to hustle me again.

I was like, you know. And then I had lunch with Ruth Reichel. The great Ruth Reichel. Yes, amazing food writer. And she yelled at me. She was, you need to write your mom. And I did. And then my mom called.

Oh, Joe. And I thanked Ruth. I'm like, okay, you just did you write your mom and make it better. And I did, and then we started talking. And you found out more of her story, I bet. Yeah, we did, yeah. And she was really funny. I didn't know how funny she was because I never let her in, you know.

Yeah, well, because it hurt. Yeah. I mean, obviously. But it has to, there has to be a good feeling in there because your mom and your grandma were sad to see you go. Like they tried to make you not go. Yeah, my oba. Yeah, my grandma, I mean, she's the one that took care of us. Yeah.

She took care of me. She was the caretaker. She was the one that made the homemade tofu and the most beautiful. brazed pork. I mean, her meals are amazing. My mom, you know, like that, she just smoked. Right, right. She, you know, she would eat my oba's meals, but, oh, that brazed pork is that amazing. That's where you learned your love of cooking. Yeah, for sure. And food. And a pork. Yeah. Oh, my God, yes. For the longest time, your license plate had something about bacon on it. Yeah, bacon 64. I still have it in my kitchen. Oh, you do? I kept it, yeah.

That's a, that's very cool. Yeah, no, no, so, yeah. But my oba was amazing, just a badass World War II. Are you going to tell her stories in the Super's daughter as well? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So what gave you the strength, the courage to then write the stripper's daughter? Because I couldn't write about my family without being depressed for weeks. Why? I used to, and I told you, but if I put it in fiction or semi-fix? That's right. You started writing it in a fictional way.

I started writing in a fictional way. It was really crazy. If I could write about her as this character, me, her name's Catherine, then I could get it out. So I've gotten all these stories out, put it in semi-autobiographical form, and now I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll just take that piece out. That's real. That's real. I love that.

It's been years of doing that, but it was really, really cleansing and not so scary. Oh, good. Because this is her. Because your stories are amazing. There's just so many of them. I cannot wait until, as we're here today, I know this podcast will come out in a couple of weeks, but as we're here today, you're just opening it up. I am one of your very first subscribers.

Thank you. Thank you. I cannot wait to read your stories. I hope people, when they read it, they get something out of it. like, yeah. Absolutely. Everybody has a story and everybody can relate to everybody's story. And I think there's going to be a lot of people who have abandoned issues, who may have lived in an orphanage, who may have had the same thing happen. Yes, definitely had the same thing happen in different contexts. We'll be able to read your stories and be like, God, I feel seen. I don't feel alone.

I got mommy issues, daddy issues, abandoned issues, eating issues. So I got them all. We're going to cover them all. But it feels good. Yeah. It feels good. Yeah. It feels good. To finally let them off of, you must feel lighter. Like the weight is lifted. No, I mean, I'm comfortable with my skin now. I feel good, you know?

It's like, I've got my friends. Yes. We're always there for you. I just saw my kinkin and her baby. Oh. And my niece and my great nephew. So, yeah, it's just, I feel really good. There's a lot of people that love you out here.

No, I think. And now there's going to be even more people that love you because they're going to be reading the stripper's daughter. Okay. We have covered a lot of land, but you have so many stories that we have more to cover. but you're only going to hear that or see that if you go to the full reveal, which is next. So thank you all for watching, but those of you that have the full reveal, stick around. And you can be a part of the full reveal if you go to Valerie's Place.com and you sign up. It is for subscribers.

And for just $2 a month, you can be a part of the full reveal. You can ask us questions. You can leave viewers' questions. And you can get the full podcast when it first comes out. You don't have to wait for it to hit YouTube. I have a really fun recipe for you today. You saw how easy that was. Look at all that flavor we packed into chicken breasts. I love the flavor of maple syrup, especially for these kind of muffins.

I see all of your comments. I swear I do. You are wondering, where's my show? This is so dang delicious. Smells divine. That's a jalapeno popper. Oh my god. It's so good! Yes, I'm back and I am cooking for all of you. All right, Sophie. What are we reheating today? Welcome to Now Vow's cooking. Guess what we're gonna make right now. We're alive. Hi everybody. How are you? You have to go to Valerie's Place. That's where you can see our book group, this podcast. That's where you can go for all the cooking that you

want to see. Oh, yes. I've missed cooking for you. I'm glad I finally get to do it again. I'm dancing. That's how good it is. So head to Valer'splace dot com and go ahead and sign up. You guys are the original members and I can't thank you enough. It's happy time.