Goes Without Saying - #1 LOVE AND DATING: *cries in fuckboy*

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

welcome to part 1/2 of our love and dating mini-series! in this special valentine's day episode, we're talking all things dating, sex, and romance. join us (sephy & wing) as we discuss love, relationships, and how to demand more. we're breaking down online dating, questioning the existence of soulmates, and arguing about marriage. this vday, we're leaving him on read. come and join the party. speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's has a new breakfast deal. Mix and match two items of your choice for only $4. Breakfast wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra. Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day, priestesses. From us to you. From me and mine. Do you remember those bears that were. From us to you. From me and mine. Do you remember those bears that were like, me to you bears? Oh my God, yeah. That's the ultimate of what I don't want on Valentine's Day. Of the Valentine's aesthetic, yeah.

Just remember those. That's not good. They're bad. It's the real 2004 flashback. They're like ugly. Yeah, it's not good. So, your two fave priestesses are back. Back and better than ever to discuss all things

v-day so what are you doing this valentine's day i actually have no idea what are you doing this valentine's day i've no idea listening to this podcast yeah me too can't wait can't wait to reminisce something that hasn't even happened what are your thoughts on valentine's day um kind of mixed yeah i think at school people would say things like i remember there was one girl who was kind of in my friendship group. Hi, are you listening? Oh, wow. I don't know if she'd be listening.

But she would say something like, I hate Valentine's Day. It's commercialist bullshit. And fine, it is. But then the second she got a boyfriend, she was like, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day. I love it. And that is such a funny thing

because it is commercialist, consumerist bullshit. But so is Christmas. So is any fucking event you go to. So is your birthday. Yeah. So is Easter. So is fucking Halloween. So is any like Westernized holiday.

And don't you come for Halloween, bitch. No, literally. But I love that that is so like, well, I'm rejecting Valentine's Day unless I've been picked. When I've been chosen, then I love it. Oh, it's the best then it's me because otherwise

it's humiliating to be on your own so it's bullshit it's bullshit it's bullshit until the one day that just save face he wants me I love it

it could never be me so what are your thoughts oh yeah that was someone else's so that's her thoughts from being alone so do you want to know everyone else I know's thoughts so what are my thoughts

fine it's a fine day I don't overthink it. I have, here's someone else's opinion that I'm going to come in with. My view is very much shaped by indifference about Valentine's Day. Okay. So another one of my friends has kind of an anxiety

about Valentine's Day. So I met my friend, not that recently, like a few years ago. You met up with her? Yeah. And it was kind of December. And she was like, I am so stressed for february and i was like oh why what's happening in february like what's going on for you then she's like valentine's day and i was like oh my god oh like don't worry about just don't worry well i've got the cure for you just don't worry about it it's like what like what i didn't know

people put any emphasis on it wow so i'm being stressed well it's what day is it today the third of february she's getting stressed out yeah you should give her a call check in on her she's like warming up yeah that's not good yeah she's locking herself down for the month well i bet you you know the male equivalent of her is not stressed at all no but i don't think many he's like february huh i thought it was december like that's kind of what i was. I was like, what do you mean? So there's definitely an anxiety about it that exists. There's almost like, okay, there's definitely a real anxiety about it that exists, but then there's also the,

and that's kind of the undercurrent. And then what we show on the surface is that thing of like, Galentine's Day. I was gonna say Galentine's Day. And we make a big joke about it, but it's like some people are actually joking and then some people are like, they need their friends. Yeah. Like it's all it's kind of that performing

empowerment or whatever it's like you're performing that you're not fast yeah but you're actually like you're gonna be crying you're gonna be crying on your own if you're crying about valentine's day guys we've got a lot of work to do yeah go back to episode one yeah we've got work to do don't worry we've got we're gonna do many episodes on relationships this is kind of touching the surface yeah this is a bit of fun this isn't even scratching the surface of relationships love this is just something for you to listen to on valentine's day yeah even after valentine's day whilst you cry this is your crying soundtrack valentine's day 2020 um so what are your thoughts on valentine's day well they're pretty much the

same as yours. Indifferent. Yeah, indifferent. Like, I can give it or take it. I love the idea, if I wanted to be really romantic, like, I would love that idea of, like, cute, like, romance, love. Like, I love that. That's my favourite thing in the world.

I'm in love with love. Yeah, I'm in love with love. Have you seen You, the second season? Because her name is Love. And he always says, I love you, Love. And they develop a new thing where they say like I wolf you yes oh I couldn't stop being sick it's horrendous but I do I love that girl love do you I way prefer her to Beck oh I'm team Beck I don't know I love when she was like Beck was basic and she didn't deserve you or whatever it's like to be honest love is way cooler

I didn't like Beck at the time but I miss the vibe la fuck off bring me back to dingy new york in your bookshop yeah that's a cool vibe but yeah love's vibe is way cool a chef yeah but it's not about a chef it's like just her look i just think she's so stunning she is i was do you know what i hated beck styling i remember saying to you i fucking hate whoever styled beck what did you say? I said, check shirt and a pashmina scarf. It's that that gets me. It's the scarf thing. It's like too specific. A pashmina scarf?

Yeah. Why have you styled her in that? Yeah, it's not good. And she's like. Yeah. And I'm supposed to believe that she's in New York. Yeah. Looking like that.

And she's not in 2003. Yeah. I can't buy it. And she tweeted that thing. Oh my God. About mac and cheese. It's Yeah, it's not right. I can't buy it. And she tweeted that thing. Oh my God, what was it? About mac and cheese. It's like, now mac and cheese. And it's like, oh God, why did you do that?

Beck. Because she's a loser. So I get that love is a step up for Joe Goldberg. But he's still undeserving. I do kind of love him. Well, maybe we should discuss a bit of you in this. Well, I'm happy to do it now. Because I think that

talks about love in quote marks in a really interesting way yeah i think it's a really interesting way of like unpacking the way that men see women as well romanticizing kind of obsession oh it's insane and it's like his love in that show is nothing to do with the girls it's all about himself needing to put himself into another person but for some reason thing is that show's interesting because you're rooting for a psychopath, but you're also wanting him to get caught. But every time he's on the verge of getting caught, you're like, fuck, Jo, run. Yeah.

Get out of that cage. They see your cage, run. Yeah, it's bad. It's tricky. It is tricky. Well, I will put my hands up and say I had a crush on him about a week ago. Yeah, you did. I'm getting over the crush. I'm getting over the crush.

I'm getting over the crush because I'm watching new shows now. But I did have a crush on Joe, on Joe, Will Bettelheim, whatever his name was. But I think that's kind of the point. No, I know. But I put a story on High Priestess. Yeah, you guys might have seen it. And I did a story and I was like, guys, so what are your thoughts on Joe? And everyone was like, you're disgusting.

You shouldn't like him. That's gross. I got messages. It was 98% what the fuck because i did a poll that was like he's hot or what the fuck and it was like 98 what the fuck and i got messages saying you're fucked up he's disgusting and i was thinking yeah you're 100 right you're 100 right but i just wanted to know just wanted to clarify there's definitely he's got like uh he's god that guy pen bladley or whatever his name is yeah he's my main youtube search at the moment and he's doing better than ever he's, God, that guy, Penn Bladgley, or whatever his name is. Penn Bladgley, yeah. He's my main YouTube search at the moment.

And he's doing better than ever. He's hot. Yeah, well, this is the thing. Everyone's like dying over him now. Whereas when he was bloody Dan in Gossip Girl. I've never watched that. Yeah, you shouldn't. No, don't.

I think I would have loved him. You wouldn't have. He aesthetically is very good though. Oh, there's just, well, I think he's interesting actually as a person because he kind of gives me this fake deep kind of vibe. Yeah, but that's kind of it. I love that.

That is your thing. Fake deep. I hate to call people out, but that is kind of your thing, the fake deep. Well, I kind of think it's real deep and I get a bit confused. A bit lost. My relationship history will show that I love some fake deep.

Yeah, that's interesting. But remember I said that your type is someone with dark hair who's on the peripheries of society and that sums it up and i really did sum it up oh it's john snow john snow at the wall not not when he's a king not the king of the north whereas i'm all over the king thing post death john snow yeah that's his prime pre-death john that's me i love that him with egret i mean i've spoken about spoken about my distaste for Ygritte, who I love, but I'm a bit sick of the sight of her by the end.

Can't wait to see the back of her. Yeah, I can't wait for that death. I actually was crying my eyes out. Oh, it's gutting. But I just get a bit jealous of Ygritte at times. I think it is interesting actually, because it's like, why is that your type? What, the peripheries?

Yeah, because it is kind of someone that is just unreachable. Yeah, I completely agree. Because for you, it's like why is that your type what the periphery yeah because it is kind of someone that is just unreachable yeah i completely agree they because for you it's all about the fantasy in that it's all about the fantasy and like the idea of that person rather than like the reality of the shitty kind of guy that they actually i think that's so true because there was this thing that was like um the best way to get over someone is to get to know them and that's it as soon as i know you as soon as you're telling me your life and things like that the fantasy is a bit dead and the image that i've built up is cancelled yeah i'm over it i'm bored when i see you kind of like just like in the

supermarket yeah no or like kind of you're like you need to like book your driving you're like a bit stressed because you're gonna miss your bus and it's like oh that's a bad one yeah yeah that's bad it's bad it's instantly unhot yeah it's not good but i also think i do love the reality at times but i'm a sucker for the fantasy it's all about the fantasy there's a thing i did myers briggs the other day oh again i've done it many times i've done it many times throughout my life but i love personality tests and i did myers-briggs again and i got infp once again for the millionth time in my life so that's confirmed it's theory confirmed yeah the description was like in romance you live for the fantasy and i was like nailed it you're onto something you nailed it it is true because you and also you speak openly in your life about fantasizing sorry i don't know

if you wanted to announce that on the podcast. Well, I said... But we're doing it now, apparently. Me and my friend have this one rule. We actually have two rules. The first rule... I developed these, I'm not going to say. Me and my friend.

No, but I do have this joke with my friend. But we have two rules that we live our lives by. I mean, I'm open to creating more, but these are two of my main pillars. Two of the main ones. Number one is don't solve your problems at night. I can't stand by that more. Number two is don't solve your problems at night i can't stand by that more number two is don't fantasize about someone you know yeah and i really need to work on yeah the second one's not going well but also you put something on higher story that was like

um you should see the potential in yourself that you're seeing in others yes and that's fucking it yeah the thing that you're seeing in that person is the thing that you think you're lacking yeah every time yeah we're very quick to think that the other person is so perfect or like yeah the first date thing of just be yourself just impress them blah blah it's like well they need to impress you as well i actually made a rule about this because i realized that on dates with guys or when i'm kind of with guys walking around town with these guys, I would talk quite a lot about ghosts. And I made a rule for myself.

Another rule. Don't talk about ghosts on the first to third date. Like just don't do it. Just hold yourself back from ghost talk. Don't be weird and don't do it. I spoke to my friend about this and I was like, okay, I made another rule, not to talk about ghosts with guys.

And she was like, wait, but you do talk about ghosts. This was me. I said that. I said that to that to you god i've been telling a lot of people i said that's part of your personality why would you not yeah be you because it's like oh well actually if they don't like ghosts i don't like them well yeah it was like if they don't want to tolerate that tolerate but do you know if they can't oh they can't have to see a bad match so let's leave oh it's never gonna work yeah on the hour it's like why are we no but it's true why do we go into dates so ready to conceal the truest parts of ourselves it's completely true it's really interesting isn't it because i actually talk about exactly what you want to talk about look how you

want to look yeah if they can if they're into it which chances are they are good news it's better that than you fake it and if they're not interested why would chances are they are, good news. It's better that than you fake it. And if they're not interested, why would you be interested in someone who's not interested? Do you know what I mean? If they're not interested in who you are, okay, bye. There's so many more people in the world. Well, I think it takes a lot of people to... It took me a minute to get to that.

Yeah, it does. That's definitely like, oh, if they don't like me, that's a difficult place to get to. I think it takes people a lot of time to get to the place of, I'll be myself. And if they don't like me, great. They weren't for me. It's like, wait, but they didn't like me.

Yeah. It's like they didn't not like the illusion. It's so true. Them rejecting you isn't necessarily a rejection. It can be you rejecting them as well. Or you making your own decision or your own perception of them. Or so much of it is context. Because when I have been the rejecter rather than the rejectee.

Yeah. it is context because when i have been the rejecter rather than the rejectee yeah i have found when i'm rejecting someone that it is so much more about just like my context what's going on with me they're just not really matching up with my lifestyle at that minute so they're gone but when you're the rejectee you think it was all about me they just didn't like me i'm not good enough when you're the rejectee you kind of expect everyone to like for you to be worth everyone making adjustments for yeah it's kind of like oh they've got a lot going on but i thought i was good enough for them to you know figure that out obviously they just don't like me they don't like me enough yeah and it's like no no they do it's just it's just not our own lives it's so complex that dating thing yeah that dating thing i know but that almost i

was talking to some other ones of my friends some other ones some other ones that i've got going on yeah got my fingers in a few friendship pies but they were saying isn't it funny when you're in that sort of breaking up stage or you've had a bit of a thing with someone and then you get that long text that like moment which is just the trope of a relationship going a bit sideways that kind kind of heart sinking moment. Yeah. And one of my friends has got this, quite two of my friends actually, have just had this like long text situation

that we've all, we all know. And they're saying, why at the end of a thing or a relationship, does it go so formal? Yeah. You suddenly start saying in regard to the, or I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's like, you've never once,

or like you say their name a lot. You're like, okay, John, I okay john i'm trying john yes suddenly you're trying to explain them yourself yeah you need to justify why is it why the formality yeah that's really like it just becomes well because there's kind of no casual way to say i'm not interested in you because it feels like such a huge blow it's almost like we don't really have the vocab to very casually and informally let someone down that's almost a bit rude to just be like yeah i'm not i don't actually really like you that much bye well there was my friend in this was in year six but we always joke and say that she was broken up with on a walkie talkie which is that's the

opposite of formal that's as casual as can be and that's pretty bad yeah that is it was in year six and it was in year seven we were a whole year old we're in secondary school but then is there a good way to ever be rejected like what's the ideal like do you know i mean are we ever going to be happy with the way that we've been rejected let's think also it's like if you feel like you've been rejected somehow you will find the evidence to believe that in any way like they could have set it up so perfectly that you could in no way be insulted and no way be sad about it but ultimately if you're feeling rejected you will find what is there a good way to be rejected i don't really know if there i don't know if you can i've never done it or have had that happen to

me in a good way no i i almost think the only way that you can be rejected is if you've already rejected them and it's very much like you're both very much over it like you want to see the back of each other not a rejection then exactly yeah a rejection the ones that kill are the ones where you're still wanting it yeah and that's bad that is bad yeah that's bad it's like bringing tears to my eyes that one's bad but i don't think it almost still if it's still rooted in self-esteem issues then it's still gonna sting whether you've rejected them in your mind or not because they don't want what you have well why is it so much like an embarrassing thing because it is it's mortifying i don't like everything you have to offer how did that make you feel yeah and it's like we've had sex yeah that's bad that's bad that's bad because it's like you're supposed

to be in love with me by now like Like you're supposed to be obsessed with me. You've had sex with me. Yeah, we've been to dinner. Like that's crazy. It is bad. It's bad, it's like, oh no, we went to the cinema. We've been texting every day. And you go, done with that actually.

That's a bad feeling. It's also like, how long have you been thinking that? It's a bit embarrassing. Well, that's the one that my friend has had recently. They said, I've been thinking this for a few months now. That's bad. It's like, don't add the time frame. Yeah, it's honestly like, what is it, like twist the knife?

Or just an extra little dig? It's like, I've been thinking this for a while. I think it's just a few months. You're also really ugly. Yeah, I actually just don't really like you at all. I actually just think you're the worst. You're dumb. Yeah.

It's like, were you trying to be nice even a bit yeah literally it's horrendous but i've also on the other end as being the rejecter i've done it in brutal ways before oh well sometimes you kind of have to i've said to someone i've been talking to for a while i'm seeing someone else now god were you no complete lie just quite i just needed to get them out of my life yeah um i think it's different for a girl trying to get a guy out of their life i know but it's still bad because it's like wait all the time we were talking you're now with someone else it's like that's that's like actually a bit brutal i know it's completely different with a guy they kind of need a reason i had a guy so i had ended things with this guy yeah i know who it is and i remember and i i fully said i

just need some space i need to like not honestly i need to not hear your voice for a bit like we just need to be separate yeah and i remember getting out of the shower and getting a text saying look outside your window run run honestly yeah that's bad and i literally said you're gonna you have to walk you need to you're gonna kill me like you need to go and he was like what you're not gonna come out and speak to me i was like you need to leave he's like but i've just walked for like an hour to come to yours i'm like no we'll turn back around that was your first mistake why did you walk when i asked for space and now suddenly you're about five meters away from me. You're in my home. Good grief. Absolutely not.

No, I didn't. Good grief. Honestly, good grief. You think you're coming home. There's bells. No, honestly. There's no way. That's weird.

And I'm kind of looking out my window with my like turban towel. Like, no, you need to scram. Get out of here. Yeah, honestly. Skedaddle. And that's the worst. That's bad.

That's how I fucking, I told you. I said to you, please, please please please please if you've got any sense if any part of you ever loved me you've got one break down in there please leave me alone yeah and what did you do you took that as an invitation around my house i thought i was coming for dinner it's like no there's mascara all down my face like i've just come out of the shower that is bad that is really bad. And I was going to say, well, if I turned up at someone's house and they said, you need to walk home, I'd be gutted. But then also I wouldn't fucking turn up at someone's house.

I think this is the thing with guys and rejection and girls and rejection. Guys have more goes. Guys almost hit the bat more times. They just throw them. They're throwing out tries. Hey, you look good. Hey, hey, hey. Talking to all these girls in a bar.

You might just try it down the street cat calling that's an attempt i would say girls have a tendency to be more reserved with their like goes yeah you've only got so many eggs yeah exactly i only got so many eggs i'm not throwing around my sperm like any old guy yeah i'm kind of like okay i like this guy i've kind of liked him for two months okay i might give him a hint that i like him rather than oh i just asked well i might just stare at him all night and wait until we catch eyes. Oh, no, he didn't say anything to me Oops, I'll try again. Yeah, I see him in two months when we might happen to be in the same Yeah, so I think guys are more accustomed to rejection and it stings more for a girl because you've given your go you give

Yeah, that's your shot. It doesn't yeah guys take more shots guys Definitely take more shots and also I feel like we just expect the guys to take shots as well. So because it's more expected for them to do that, it's more normalized as a behavior for a guy to just go out and shoot his shot. Whereas for a girl, it's not normalized to ask someone out, be the first one to approach someone,

propose, marriage. Like we're not encouraged to make the first move. So if you do, it's like just by making the first move, you've already gone against the grain and put yourself out there if that's then rejected it already feels like a double hit because you've not just been rejected but it's also like you've challenged the whole way that society functions you've also challenged the entire patriarchy at the same time and it's been thrown back in your face yeah and turns out the patriarchy is um thriving was not ready yeah wasn't ready for you before your time how would you make a first move then well i always think i don't really know because

yeah it's difficult because i can't so i've been my boyfriend for a long time now years about 10 years yeah about eight years and i'm 23 so she's actually ignore all her advice well it's true because also it's like well when i would have been dating the landscape was very different like i thought you're gonna say the lannisters that's how much they're in my head that's how much we're obsessed yeah but when i was single it was like 2011 and i was like you were a child yeah no one was dating yeah so i haven't dated in 2020 as an adult i don't well you haven't dated i haven't what are the dates that you go on as a 14 year old exactly down to exactly sort of cost cutters but i also think yeah fully yeah you're just going on a little walk what are you doing although i would love to go to a little

i love city one i'm not yeah yeah um i just took the brand name now it's sponsored by love that um but i do think it's given me quite a sharp perception i think because our relationship is healthy i'm able to look at like the dating landscape for like what it is yeah i love that and whereas when you're in it it's very hard yeah you're in it it's guys it's a mess and it also so serious when you're in it yeah when when i see people dating or like setting up their like hinge profile i'm like what is no what this is not a serious event like our dating apps we're gonna go into all of that i'm sure because god there's so much to say

but i think when people take dating seriously like i it's hard not to be in friends with people or i have been on the receiving end of this where someone has taken a first date more seriously than it is and i think dating should be fun it's like you've mistaken this for what it really isn't yeah it's not a game of survival yeah it's a game of thrival yeah honestly yeah it's just like okay how much fun can i have out of all of the humans that i've been placed on this earth with which ones am i gonna have the most fun with who's gonna get me not who's gonna get me like who's gonna get to keep me like who's gonna get me like connect on my level yeah who's yeah like how are we gonna see each other but also it's like stop dating for marriage did you see that tweet that was like if you're not dating

for marriage you're dating for heartbreak because it was over um austin butler and vanessa hudgens breaking up and they've been together i think nine years or something and someone was like no if i if you leave if you if we've been together eight years and then you leave me i'm gonna say where are you going like where do you think you're going like we spent our whole 20s together like this is it you're a fucking idiot then well it's just like why are you prioritizing a label over literally your happiness yeah you'd rather stay with someone because it's we've spent all this time together even though we don't we don't match we're not we're not compatible even though i hate your fucking guts we've spent all this time together

now where are you going i'd rather not be alive anywhere where you're not anywhere but yeah honestly anywhere but here but that thing about like oh i'm if you're not dating for marriage you're just dating for heartbreak is just something that is so twisted and disgusting it's also like don't simplify human connection down to either heartbreak or success don't equate marriage to success marriage what a man-made thing my connection my human romance and love and all this stuff cannot be put with marriage like a physical document that you can end with like 50 quid and a signature don't we know by now that marriage is bullshit yeah it's very nice if you want to have a party all of that stuff but don't you fucking dare write my name on a piece of paper

next to yours well and call it a win yeah basically in english in english lit we did sort of lots of things i did this module called sense and sexuality was very good at uni and it was really really good and we're talking about how marriage was invented and now it's like the symbol of love yeah it's crazy and it started as it is a buying document it's a receipt the woman's name the only two people that would sign the document is the groom and the father of the bride oh yeah the father of the bride so it that would sign the document is the groom and the father of the bride no the oh yeah the father of the bride so it's literally like the woman's signature is not needed the idea of being given away you're literally it's it's a receipt a marriage certificate is a receipt and i will never ever ever being sold it's true well even still up until the 90s women had to use

like their husband's name to get a credit card or like you couldn't have property and things like that it was very very difficult to be seen as your own person not just in life in your day to day life but in the eyes of the law yeah i'm talking about the uk as well um a bit in the handmaid's tale which it wasn't actually so much a thing in the series but in the book it was a big thing before um gilead gets made for all the um oh if you haven't seen the handmaid's tale but before gilead like starts all the women go to their normal jobs as usual and they all say oh you've all been fired and all of your money has been transferred into your husband or the nearest man in your family's bank account you now have nothing and it's like that isn't far from what

we had a hundred that is exactly what we had a hundred years ago i thought you were gonna say that isn't fun and that isn't fun i was gonna say you know what it isn't fun that is not that is not fun guys that is not fun that isn't fun it's not fun right now no it's not fun but it wasn't fun for offred no yeah exactly exactly that i was also just gonna say to you quite funny that you used to oh i'm not gonna name it but you used to work for a bridal yeah yeah which i i had a great time there i used to do social media for this bride like wedding magazine so the things that you like about wedding is always quite funny well here's the thing that veil is so stunning i thought you hated marriage well i i i don't hate marriage knowing the history of

weddings it's just not something i want to participate in i do think never say never though what if you had to do something like in order to like get your kid into school and it was oh well that's fine oh yeah we're gonna go then do you know i mean just very quickly like the never became okay well in that's not you know like no but it's i will never do it and romanticize it in that way do you know what i mean like i'll never walk i'm never having my dad walk me down an aisle yeah no giving me away that's never gonna happen i can stamp that as it's never happening that's never happening unless i have some kind of thing that goes wrong in my life yeah and i end up doing it so that's why i find it funny when yeah god forbid my tapping word god god forbid she gets married but that's why i find it

funny the whole if you're not dating for marriage or kind of oh marriage is the most successful thing because i remember also saying to my friend oh yeah i i don't want to get married that's not a marker of success for me it would be much more a marker of success just to be in a loving relationship for a long time the the marriage the certificate is not something that i put any weight on i actually think you reject that would take away from the thing for me yeah although complete respect to everyone who wants to get married oh yeah you do you great you're the one being given away you do what you want no it doesn't mean that fuck if you wouldn't be your property go ahead couldn't be me i'm completely joking no yeah literally do whatever the fuck you want i actually don't yeah yeah that's the thing it just couldn't be me so i think

but do what you want yeah but that's why i find it funny because i had one friend that was like to me oh no but you will get married don't worry about it and it's like no no oh you're not getting it he's like no you're not getting it i'm not worried and they almost think i'm saying i'll never be loved i could never love a man i've accepted that i will never be loved by a man but it's actually like no you're not really getting it yeah it's like for some reason people still have this idea of like you get married at like 28 and then oh you're done for life it's like no no you could get divorced at 62 mate like you don't realize that's not sealed in yeah you don't realize death to us part in yeah you don't realize that's the worst

part really doesn't doesn't really doesn't hit the way it used to do you not know divorce beheaded died divorce beheaded survived i think it's really really interesting when people place a lot of emphasis on marriage rather than happiness the two definitely will coincide but also can be totally separate things yeah in a lot more instances i think than people then maybe some people like that friend realize don't be naive to it well i think that's the thing why i think i have strong opinions on what i will do in terms of marriage is because after working at the wedding place there'll be a lot of people messaging saying that they're happily ever after is waiting everything will kind of be fixed and things like that or like if i just get this dress i'll be happy if i just get down to this size before my wedding this will be everything be happy oh i love

my groom i can't wait to spend forever with you it's like don't be so naive that you genuinely think come well it's a separate thing to say i can't wait to spend forever with them because fair enough they might i think that's that's not the issue i think your issue is you're placing um happiness on a dress or you're placing happiness on a problem that you're throwing loads of money at. Well, I think it's an obsession with the outcome. Exactly, yeah. But it's an obsession with the outcome of I'm going to spend forever with this person. I think that's quite crazy.

Yeah, but I could say to you, I'm so excited to spend forever with Jack. But I... And what, then you're going to laugh me out of town? Like, what's the difference? We don't know what's going to happen in anyone's life. No, it's true. But if I said I can't wait to spend forever with you doing higher, this is so fun. But I could die tomorrow.

Yeah, I know. But it doesn't mean I didn't mean it. Even if things did go south with me and Jack. No, no, but for example, like even if whatever did happen, the way that you felt at that moment by saying, I can't wait to spend forever with you is your genuine feeling at that moment.

So to deny yourself that, you're already doing yourself the disservice. There's nothing like- I think it's an obsession with the disservice there's nothing like obsession with the not now it's the obsession an obsession with the future it's like okay so what we have right now is great but i can't wait to spend forever when we get married we've signed this thing we're forever we're forever we're forever and it's like guys there's no guarantee to a forever yeah why don't you just make sure that your today is good and then we can be all right i think that's it's like there's no guarantee of a tomorrow even yeah there's no guarantee to a forever yeah why don't you just make sure that your today is good and then we can be all right i think that's it's like there's no guarantee of a tomorrow even yeah there's no guarantee that any of us will make it to valentine's day to listen to this podcast well i mean the world is imminently combusted it's the happily ever after thing i think it's

absolutely fine to think i want to be with this person forever for as long as i'm here and as long as i'm here i want to that's a completely different thing right that's a completely different thing it's almost the in the future there is so much happiness for us yeah it's kind of like why are you not making it happy now yeah it's like why are you yeah it's just placing emphasis on outcome it's just like you've watched too much disney it's this thing that we always always always go on about about about about about always always always yeah yeah about the thing that you want in quote marks being just ever so slightly always out of reach and then even when you get it you're looking at the next thing and then when you get that you're looking at the next thing as soon as you're engaged then you want to

have a baby then when you have a baby you want to get married then when you get married you want to have another baby then when you've got your other baby you want to move a house then when you move house then you want to settle down and then when you want to get a new job and then you want to do this then you want to do that but realistically right now you literally are you're all right listening to a podcast right now you know the world isn't burning down just right now in front of you god i hope not that would be bizarre if you projected it well it just suddenly catches a catches a blaze oh that kind of creeped me out if i was listening to a podcast and someone said i hope the world doesn't settle fine just as you listen to this but it's like right now life is fine well

yeah it's like you you focus on outcomes all that time move this do that get this buy that see them do this have that and you've blinked and you weren't enjoying any of it yeah but i think that's why marriage in particular stands out to me as one it's kind of making love something that i just don't like what i just don't like that image an institution of selling a woman yeah i just can't be it couldn't be me as i can't be involved but i also think there is maybe it's the whole engaged stage that's what i saw a lot of at this place that engaged the brides-to-be and it was just i mean the aesthetic to start with is horrendous but also it's like people throw a lot of money at this thing oh and also i really want to be a bridesmaid like yeah let me be your bridesmaid like i will cry at your wedding like

i kind of get a bit laughed out of town because when we watched what's it called married at first sight i'm weeping yeah you do love it you do love a good wedding i think i love but you do have such strong um opinions on on marriage i think i have strong opinions on just like a lot of things yeah and marriage is just one of my things that i just kind of also i was never told it was a marker of success because my parents were together for like 18 years and never got married they're three kids together so it has never been a marker of your love yeah because they loved each other more than the couples that were married and argued like it was it's just never been a marker of love yeah i agree when i was younger there was definitely not an importance on like getting married and i would only ever get married if i

wanted to get married and my parents were married i remember my friend her parents were not married and she would always talk about getting married getting married getting married because it seemed like such an amazing thing i don't know if her mom made the full stop i think that's where the naivety is yeah yeah it's yeah it's just focusing on it's just like something that you can't seem to achieve or just be like fully wanted by someone for life there's so much of it i think there's a pressure obviously on women yeah i also think it is a male thing of like you kind of turn up at the family event alone and they're saying oh you're not going to propose to her anytime soon and god and it's definitely felt yeah it's felt across the spectrum i think just for all

young people that's why i think dating is taken so seriously and why you're like on your hinge profile thinking oh well that's a bit too cringe that's a bit too much it's gonna be a bit funny yeah but not too funny yeah it can't be the comedian can't give him that expectation yeah exactly whatever the dating app is at the moment of the moment yeah and even just in real life the stress about the first date it's like we didn't kiss though what does it mean yeah it just means he's honestly not worth it well it just means nothing it just like it's just so that it's kind of a big coincidence anyway that you've met and you're on this planet where phones have been invented and you can sit on your phone and

scroll through people left or right deciding on if they're attractive enough for you and then sit opposite them in a bar and try and impress them for two hours and then go home and tell your friends all about it and then not know them in four months and be like remember when we used to speak now i don't know anything that's going on with now we're strangers yeah oh my god you just viewed my story what does that mean nothing means nothing nothing you fucking about to die we're literally oh we're on a knife we're on deathbed yeah we're decaying we're decaying we know this yeah and we love it yeah we love it thank god we're already not dead yeah well that's true it's like if you're dying you may as well just have fun oh yeah so don't stress about one word in your hinge profile no

wendy's has a new breakfast deal mix and match two items of your choice for only four dollars breakfast wrap biscuit or english muffin sandwiches small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee choose two for four dollars at wendy's available for a limited time at participating wendy's in canada taxes extra i think yeah there is a naivety about dating though okay so we put on the story asking for questions about relationships because also that's one that we get a lot when we ask for like recommend recommendations or just what you guys want to hear from the podcast everyone is talking about like love dating relationships sex that kind of like advice and questions and stories so i think we should move on to questions yeah yeah definitely should i ask you the first one yeah go do you believe in love at first sight um i do believe in love per site

because i have had people tell me they have been in love at first sight and if you believe it then who am i to take that away from you so it hasn't happened to me but that's just my story what about you yeah yeah kind of the same i think i don't care enough to try and take that away from someone and be like that doesn't exist like i believe that people have seen aliens why am i not going to believe that you've fallen in love with someone like what the hell i also think i and i think you as well will agree that when you, it's not necessarily love at first sight, but it's like a buzz at first sight.

Yeah. Well, I've had that big time. Yeah. It's like kind of the buzz of, I think this person is going to be important in some way. Absolutely. You know, when you've got that little kind of, I've had that so,

kind of a twinge of a feeling of something. It's like, I'm going to meet you again. I'm going to meet you again. And then love will have a whole thing with you. Yeah. That's something. And that I think is quite magical. Yeah. That sounds like stunning. like i'm gonna meet you again i'm gonna meet you again and then this is the end of our story yeah that's something and that i think is quite magical yeah that sounds like stunning isn't that cute yeah next question okay love it it's like my interview i'm gonna ask and then you can we can discuss them nope what's one thing about love that scares you more so i think the fact that someone has asked that question i so think that is a thing of they're scared of the rejection yeah that or just like

i think there's like a consensus that to be in love or to have love there needs to be something scary about it or like the vulnerable you have to be you have to be out of your control yeah you have to be a bit powerless to the whole thing if you're trying to scheme the whole thing i've struggled with that of having yeah i'm trying to choreograph yeah my capricorn just jumps out i want to choreograph the whole thing they need to text me by this point you've written them a whole script yeah i've like created a whole character portfolio for them yeah and sometimes you just need to what's the thing don't try and steer the river yeah you just need to go with the flow yeah you just need to yeah go with the flow much easier way of saying don't try and steal the river yeah very poetic no it's true right i've just looked at the next question

that's quite interested have either of you two ever been cheated on um okay you go no yeah no i agree i've definitely which is boring for both yeah no no i relate i've definitely well it's actually really interesting because cameron diaz not in my current relationship or just spoiler not in my current relationship cameron diaz just not in my current relationship. Cameron Diaz, just quickly. Wait, you're in a relationship with Cameron Diaz? I'm just going between my relationship with Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz said something about- The most irrelevant thing.

Also, she's made two appearances on the podcast. Really? What was the other one? She hasn't been a guest. We've spoken about her twice on the podcast. What was the other one? The holiday? No, no. Oh my gosh, she's made three. Did we speak about the holiday or have I just made that up? We spoke about the holiday and we also spoke about i was talking about her being thin in the

body image one oh my god how funny um okay well anyway cameron diaz speaks or said once on fucking graham norton this is what i do i just like watch these videos these fucking things anyway she said that everyone has been cheated on in some capacity yes Yes. And I kind of, I get what she's saying. Because she, for example, between you and I, I could have this day with you. And then I'm just like really, maybe, okay, let's flip it. We could have this day together and then you could go off and be with someone else. We're like, God, Erin was a bit annoying today. Okay, anyway.

I love how you flipped it because you didn't want me to think, oh God. This is a bit too real. If I say I've gone home and said to jack was what i was gonna say and then it's a bit like oh i don't i know i would know that wasn't gonna happen anyway and that's always like okay micro cheating yes and it's almost the betrayal yeah it's just um and i think everyone in their life can say they've been betrayed yeah in some capacity yeah for sure you can say that some you have felt wronged in some way by someone because no one's loyal to you like you are like even by a teacher marking your work well that kind of hits the

hardest your favorite teacher kind of marking you low oh i knew i thought you were different oh i'm like you're i thought you were clever you're obviously dumb that you make me so low oh i thought i respected you yeah oops i don't you don't know the rest of them just like the rest of them you don't know a good't know. Just like the rest of them. Just like the rest of them. You don't know a good thing when you have it in front of your face. I think though, betrayal, obviously,

universal feeling. How do you get over being cheated on? I just don't know because I'm not the right person to ask. No, exactly. Just thought of something really crazy that I thought you would love. Maybe some of you.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe some of you listeners would love this too. I know someone who was in a relationship, went and had a tarot reading and she thought, I know this guy's cheating on me i know he is and in the tarot reading it kind of came up that like there was something going on kind of they weren't having the best time in their relationship and she said to the reader please please tell me please i'm

begging you please tell me if they i'm on my knees yeah that's from tracy beaker louise you're holding the keys louise i'm down on my knees do you remember that episode no not at all i don't know i'm down on my knees give me the keys to my heart i really hit that no i want to hear that back that's like ringtone yeah no i've said it that's embarrassing that's worse that was a game we used to play what was the most embarrassing ringtone oh yeah i actually wanted to speak like this on the podcast me and erin play a game and our other friend as well play this game where we try and think what would be the most embarrassing ringtone that could play out loud in your friend. I think I got it.

I think the most embarrassing thing would be Mama do the ha, Mama do the ha. Because it's not relevant at all. But you came up with a really funny one. What was mine? I was thinking I came up with one. Your one really gets me because it's something I would never think of.

Your one is, do you want to build a snowman? But the beginning, which is, knock the knock, Elsa. Do you want a snowman? But literally, Elsa. In a seminar, that's bad. That one is really bad. There are some really, like. It's kind of any song that's like just out of the charts.

I always, it was so used to think. Yeah, you've got Fiddlin' and Irish Boundaries. Oh song that's like just out of the charts i always also used to think yeah that's bad go wake up that's bad yeah that is really bad i used to think you get the moves like jagger it's because that era of song like 2012 yeah it's that era of those kind of songs yeah the mama do that i think mama do the hump is the epitome of bad ringtone fuck we thought of another one but i'm never gonna remember it there are some bad ones there really are some bad ones but what a hilarious maybe dm us some of your bad what would be the worst song to pair as your ringtone because honestly it kills me there's something funny about that that is really hilarious because it's like we all know that feeling of like it's a bit bad so like if your ringtone isn't marimba like who do you think you are to change it it's like, we all know that feeling of like, it's a bit bad. It's also like, if your ringtone isn't marimba, like who do you think you are to change it?

It's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Even that, it's like, why is your phone not on vibrate? I used to have a really funny ringtone. This was when I was really young. And I, you know when people used to Bluetooth each other songs? I didn't have that. So I had to record it off YouTube. Oh my God.

How embarrassing, but I had, the man who can't be moved. Oh wow. But like in style, it's like, I've been on the corner. Yeah, yeah. how embarrassing but I had the man who can't be moved oh wow I've been on the corner where I first met you I can't be moved I'm not sleeping back and I can't move which is really bad and it's just playing for slightly too long

it's bad so that was an embarrassing ringtone okay right anyway she was at the Towerot reader's house. Yes. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. You were in the middle of a story. No, no, I know that.

I saw the moves. How did you bring that up? I can't remember. Yeah. Mama do the hump. Oh my God. Awful. At that point, it's like, I can't own up.

I'm not answering the call. Oh. I'm kind of looking behind me as if to say, answer that phone. Mama do the hump. Mama do the hump hump. It's bad. Yeah, so she said to the tarot card reader should we start from the beginning yeah yeah go on girl has a suspicion that her boyfriend is cheating on her

girl goes to the tarot card reader just for a general reading and basically it kind of comes up that like the relationship isn't going very well whatever which obviously would have been clear from the girl being like i'm my boyfriend blah blah anyway she ends up begging begging begging the tarot card reader like please can we look into this more like how's an extra 10 quid all right whatever the reader then was like okay yeah fine he cheated on you on his holiday the girl's got brown hair like blah blah like she went for it listed all of these like oh she listed her she had a character study on this girl oh my god she drew a caricature yeah yeah fully and brought it to the police and said do you know this woman literally and basically then it came out that the girl had cheated on her the guy had cheated on her yeah

yeah sorry the guy had cheated on with that girl on holiday oh my god yeah how insane so then it made me think of her because her way of getting over someone was always to just like find someone new that is such a thing yeah exactly tarzanning i've heard that you're swinging where you haven't let go yes because it's like you haven't let go of that tree i actually never saw it but it's like you haven't let go of the last vine before you're grabbing the next it's like a constant you're still holding on you've got the next year you let go it's like yeah going from relationship to relationship and you've almost got them lined up in advance yeah you can see people that do this and i think it's um a real sign of low self-esteem it's dangerous yeah because everyone does that there's no empathy there as well really yeah it's like oh no now

everyone else is brought into that mess as well it's not yeah it's a dangerous game and i think a lot it's one of those things that a lot of people know that they're doing it but it's like a bit too difficult to stop and it also means kind of a tried and tested routine yeah but it means that the last few months of your relationship you really just couldn't let go of them it's like rather than going this isn't working i'm breaking up with them i'm being on my own until i find someone it's like i can't possibly let go it's like got a desperation to it because it means that you didn't want to let go of what you had before you've got a new thing to like catch you yeah it's not good it isn't good

oh it's quite horrible really there's no empathy really difficult especially if it's something like you've been cheated on that's horrific oh well that's a whole other kettle of oh that's a whole another podcast kettle of fish yeah yeah i was gonna say kettle of worms there's a whole other can of worms that we won't be opening so there's a kettle of fish and a can of worms can of worms and that we won't be opening so there's a kettle of fish and a can of worms totally separated from one another why are they in a kettle and why are they a kettle of fish no but i'm kind of thinking it's like a herd is that what it's called a kettle of fish it's called a school of fish yeah but like different types of fish different types of fish but obviously a different kind of fish let's google a kettle of fish and see where that comes from like kettle of fish origins no no it's fully a kettle a kettle of fish plurals

kettles of fish obviously an awkward situation or a predicament but come on guys need the semiology what the hell why on earth would you have fish in a kettle god poor fish they're just classic kitchen equipment apparently what fish oh no no that's just they're just they're just defining a kettle it's just a standard bit of kit it's just a standard kitchen thing a cute fish in a kit oh fuck it no one fucking no one knows that's the problem with these old things no one knows i can't be asked to scroll through google that's kind of what i hate the most about sayings yeah no one can agree on where they came from well i started to get quite obsessed in first year with the saying to kill two birds with one stone horrid really horrid but also

an amazing saying i'm just gonna kill two birds with one stone i was like okay so it's pre-guns when did the saying come from and i was like really trying to get it back this is just weird actually how yeah it's like so this is just on a wednesday sort of afternoon and i think about the things that we come up with now not just you and i but just like our generation and like the words and phrases and like what's gonna stick it's weird isn't it yeah really weird there are loads of things like that that have stuck like the word meme was invented by richard dawkins and it means something that's passed on within a specific community the history of language is really like oh tell me about it a bit bizarre insane because so much of what we say is not what we mean yeah also like the different language this is why i really want to fucking learn a different language i wish i'd stuck with french because it's like the meanings the same object

can have different words or signifiers and the meaning just changes slightly every time you're just missing so much like in japanese there's one word that means the light reflecting the moon you told me this before what's your favorite the moonlight reflecting off the top of the water there's one word like what how stunning is that word yeah yeah oh it's like too much for me to handle i guess you should have done like linguistics gotta do english and film though but maybe next time in my next life in your ongoing life that you have in my next life in your nine lives i'll remember it for the next one yeah hold on to that oh my god the craziest question okay from i think you're already recording yeah i'm recording i can't wait i was

talking about jamie lannister i'm like no no we need to i oh this question was just made for you and it's from this girl called megan who i'm pretty sure has followed us for a really long time i'm sure she's called megan but hey anyway hey megan thanks amazing question she said would you ever date a tori and i just thought that is made for you and the answer is no spells no yeah i couldn't go there i couldn't go there that is such a huge question because also i think what is really really really important and actually something that we talk about loads is the fact that at the end of the day everyone has their core values yeah and sometimes you have minor values that can be compromised yeah but some of them are at your core and fundamentally if you've got two people whose core values very extremely oppose one another in what world is that relationship

going to work so for you where i think and a lot of people and me to some degree included where yeah i mean my political views are like everything they're like the core of my being it's just like what you believe is right yeah how i believe the world should be is not the same as how you think the world should be yeah i think i would really really really really struggle because my thing with tories in quotes is always like I would love to have and I like to have in my time really good conversations where I can see I can put out my perspective they can come to my perspective and look at it and see that they're wrong and then they can get educated and then we can both be on the same team. But the crucial bit is they'll see they're wrong but they don't.

No well sometimes they do. I've had many conversations with many Tories and they don't seem to be shifting. Yeah but what are your conversations? They're just fucking dumb though. Yeah see do you know what I mean? Whereas I'm really like okay well I would like I'm very like I'm gonna play into exactly what you want to hear so that you're on my side already and be almost a bit cunning. It's like really actually manipulative what I do because I just see Tories as like um or just anyone who I think is maybe a bit more inherently right wing or just innately like bad. Yeah. You are a number waiting for me to tick you off and get you on the good side. Like you're an opportunity for me.

Any person I think that is like not doing well, not being led by compassion, which I think is the main thing as a human being in the world. If you want to function and you want this world to live on. Have fucking empathy. Yeah. You need to be functioning primarily with compassion so when i see people who aren't doing that i'm like okay amazing this is gonna be a great opportunity to get someone on my team and it has happened loads of times before it's great you you're really good i'm really like trying to fight the fight and like i don't have the energy to pick up my crowd i don't want to

talk to you and i definitely don't want to date you yeah i'm not fucking you oh no way imagine no way imagine oh my god in your fucking dreams mate yeah honestly so i think yeah megan i think you're on to something there it's a no it's an absolute it's a no for me i'm out honestly i'm definitely out there's no way your views i i can't actually understand your views i cannot understand why you would put your tiny little bit of money that you have or your lot of money that you have over your human instinct to be kind i can't see what happened to you in your life to make you do that but it's not something i want to hear i don't want to hear your story yeah i was going to say a lot of people just we've all had propaganda in some way and you know some of us have gone one way and

some of us have gone the other but i don't want to hear it yeah you don't have to that's what's good about the world that's yeah that's the best you can go join the tory convention and you can go and join the young conservatives yeah i'm gonna you won't be seeing me there and i will be miles away from you thank god loved that just thought i mean it's actually like a bit of a meme within our community yeah that you're so anti like anti-tory yeah which is a good way it's a mean within what community just like you and your friends i was gonna say within higher priestess i was like and within high priestess yeah it definitely is a meme within life friends yeah i am very anti-tory yeah because also it is that thing of like boundaries

you don't have to try and educate every person you meet i think that you don't know the world that well this is the thing because i've always said this actually plays into this massively and it is kind of love as well that i would never date a tori and i've always said i would never be friends with a tori i just think that to me is a step too far it is it's just like so serious oh no i'm dead it's a step too far for me to go it's just hilarious but well i always thought that but one of my best best friends i spoke to her recently my childhood friends who i love told me that she voted tory and i was so gutted by it yeah i'm shocked spoiler alert are you still friends with her today as i say i was shocked because it's like that is not a relationship i'm

willing to lose so oh the things you do for love yeah like i'll make okay i can be turns out i can be friends yeah it turns out i can compromise because i know that she's inherently good that's what i mean and everyone is an opportunity to see i'm not trying to shift her i'm just like we just i can't talk to you well yeah because i'll cry i also think part of the reason that I, I just think I love a debate. Like, I love that. I think it's just a personal, like, I just- You love it, yeah. I love, like, the chat.

To get their answers. Yeah. But I kind of think they already know. And I'm also curious to hear. Yeah, I'm really curious to hear because people can have really good reasons as to why they believe anything in the world. Well, you're 100% right.

That's the way to go, guys. If you, you should definitely- No, no, it's not. It's not. You don't owe everyone an answer. No, but you should be inquisitive. Yeah, that's yeah you should you should me and my friend got into this whole thing where we had a whole conversation about would you have dinner with a terrorist oh yeah well the end answer is yeah of course i said absolutely not like and then we actually came around to yeah of course you should have dinner you should definitely ask them everything

well that's the thing is like if you're trying to improve the world which i am yeah you should find out the reasons but because unfortunately eradicate the bad guys is not an option for me also it's not so polarized as good and bad the tories aren't bad labor isn't good definitely not yeah that is just a fact of life there is no such thing as good and bad we everything's gray everything is gray well there Well, there you go. There you go, kids. There you go, Megan. Thanks. So Sarah has asked a question, which I think is very funny. Hey, Sarah.

Hey, Sarah. We don't know Sarah. She sent in a question. Thank you. So is the phrase making love a turn off or a turn on to you? Erin's covering her face. Yeah, I am. I am. Okay.

Just, yeah. It's a no. It's a no. It's a no from me. It's not her face. Yeah, I am. I am. Okay. Just, yeah. It's a no. It's a no. It's a no from me. It's not looking good. But what I was going to say to you is if Jon Snow is saying to you, your ultimate guy, is saying making love in his... Just let that sink in for a minute.

Okay, let that sink in. Yeah. I think it's because we associate making love with a certain person. The person that says that isn't good. The person who says that is turning up outside your house when you've had a shower and told them he's like but we made love oh it's so bad that is bad would you rather say someone made love to you or fucked you fucked you 100 banged you banged as bad okay bang or make love oh it's really difficult they're both too sincere in different ways

bang is like you're not old enough to be bang is like you're high-fiving your mates i banged also banged as a past tense should be almost bung it's like i don't even bang oh i don't like bangs doesn't really like have a no i don't like it at all i i just i think it's difficult we don't mean i'm banged oh i don't like it bangers doesn't really like have a right no i don't like it at all i i just i think it's difficult we don't really have a lot of we don't have a really a plethora of words to choose from do you know i mean we're quite limited in our vocabulary when it comes to like relationships i think go clinical had sex sexual call it what it fucking is yeah as graphic as possible tell me the details fully yeah i want the ins and outs

and the ins and outs so i love this question it says soulmates do you believe in them yeah i do do you should i explain my point yeah soulmates i think. It says, soulmates, do you believe in them? Yeah, I do. Do you? Should I explain my point? Yeah. Soulmates, I think me and you are soulmates. Agreed. I remember you said that once and we were in quite a big crowd of people

and you said, because I've been asked you before, do you believe in soulmates? I didn't think you'd ask me that in a big crowd as well. Do you believe in soulmates? And you said, well, I think me and you are soulmates. I was quite taken aback by

it and it took me a minute to say why yes yes we are and we kind of had a circle of people around us well we had we had people over we were doing a tarot reading and we made it quite a romantic moment we just made it about us and there were about six people in the room and i threw across the room do you believe in soulmates aaron you said yeah like me yeah for example me and you i think me and jack are soulmates i think me and a lot of my friends are soulmates i think me and my nan are soulmates i'm loving it and i think soulmates is we connect on a soul level i would have found you in any lifetime i would have agreed with you a week ago oh i would have found you in any lifetime. I would have agreed with you a week ago. Oh. I would have completely agreed with you one week ago. God, what happened?

Flashback. You haven't told me. I have. Flashback. I met my soulmate. No, I'm joking. I had a conversation with my flatmate who did evolutionary anthropology. We didn't speak about soulmates in any way.

I was just running a little thing in the back of my head. And she basically told me all about the history of human evolution, which I was shocked at how ignorant I was. Oh, it made you go to the Natural History Museum? Yeah. my head and she was she basically told me all about the history of human evolution which i was shocked at how ignorant i was oh it made you go to the natural natural history museum yeah i went straight down to the natural history museum the next the following day yeah to look at the history of human evolution yeah i was shocked we were going into human sort of um what they call homo erectus yeah heidelbergensis neanderthals you definitely should read that book sapiens yeah 100 i'm reading it i

was hooked and i was thinking i don't know if i can get to the point of soulmates what during my time at the natural history museum in that day i was looking at the dinosaurs i was looking at everything that had happened the evolution of the earth the earth the world is a crazy place this is new news for you well Well, I knew all this info, but I hadn't thought about it. I've been talking about, oh yeah, soulmates, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, toxic relationship.

I've been going through all this stuff. I haven't looked at the scope of what we exist in. And even that could be a simulation. We have no fucking idea. Yeah. So I was looking at dinosaurs. They existed for, sorry, you've got a bit crazy actually.

Your eyes are a bit like, it's because you're a bit crazy. actually. Your eyes are a bit like... It's because... You're a bit crazy. I couldn't believe my eyes and my ears. I couldn't believe what I was learning. And I've related this. This poor girl wrote in about soulmates. I'm going back to dinosaur times.

Talk about pangea. So the dinosaurs were around for... Just bear with me for this. Fucking hell. God. The dinosaurs were around for 50 million years before they were wiped out hey this is persephone i'm just jumping in whilst i'm editing this because and i know nobody gives a shit about the dinosaurs but i've just realized a crucial error that the dine that i said they were around for 50 million years they were here for 150 million years so that's thinking we have only been around as ourselves

for like 20 000 years not a long time no do i believe that dinosaurs had soulmates they if anything this is their earth they were here for a lot lot lot longer than us and before us yeah classic us stealing what isn't ours and we've been here for literally a tiny little tick in the time of that they owned this planet essentially. There has been crazy fucking shit going on here, guys. She's not fucking around. Yeah, go. There has been nuts shit going on, guys.

You wouldn't believe. You wouldn't believe if you see a pterodactyl. Or even like a Neanderthal woman. Do I believe she has a soulmate? I don't know. I don't know if I believe that pterodactyls have soulmates neanderthal woman do i believe she has a soulmate i don't know i don't know if i believe that pterodactyls have soulmates that guinea pigs now have soulmates that crocodiles have soulmates but you believe in like aliens and ghosts well there's crazy shit going on right but that's my thing is like yeah i get i get we're from everything whatever but i think fundamentally there is something spiritual about the world and the earth oh well you know i agree yeah but i was a bit science science yeah sounds a bit a bit bananas honestly i don't believe in

science oh here's where we're gonna get into some i don't it's like i would rather i need it to be a bit more romantic yeah it's not really about what you need it's kind of about it's a case of fact it's like without science we would be dead but i also have this conversation with my dad a lot about science because i am an atheist yeah i reject science no no i don't just go back but he says science obviously has given us everything but it cannot even explain the one thing that it is exactly and i'm also having this conversation with my other flatmate jack second appearance on the podcast jack love it and he was saying about how he studies physics and it kind of bothers him that so we're studying physics science and even numbers are made up they're man-made and it's like wait wait wait wait wait this is the laws of our existence but

it can't explain what we are yeah we can never get beyond the scope of our own comprehension yeah it's crazy it's fine it's all through a human lens it's all anecdotal exactly and that's why the only thing that i know to be real in life is love and human connection remember i said that to you when we were in lewis we were by a pond we were in a romantic moment we're sat by a pond and i said dead silent deadly silent and i said love is the only thing that is real in the world and i nodded my head and said i agree yeah i agree it's the only well it's the only i just think it's the only universal thing that really means anything love love what's worth living if it's not i love you love yeah it's true so that's why i think and i just know it

sometimes it's romantic for my life it's true it's the v-day ep like yeah sometimes you meet someone you know your souls have clicked on a on a different level i get it oh no i've experienced this many times and as i say i would agree with you if i hadn't gone that week ago and seen the dinosaur yeah but what turned you off with basically how am i relating soulmates to dinosaurs but in my mind i was thinking we've created this notion of so at uni i did a lot of stuff on like romance and love and all of this stuff sex a lot of stuff on this stuff a lot of books a lot of films yeah i studied and there's this whole idea that men and women mankind invented the concept of love there's no love with any other species there would be maternal love there would be parental love yeah i don't think about romantic

well i'm gonna get onto this there's four types of love yeah okay we're going philosophy we're going philosophy there are four types of love there is no romantic love between any other species that we can identify it's a very man-made thing and with the idea of romance who's to say that really exists we have we're so far into our society nowadays almost you can't really tell what's in your biology and what's in your um it's nature versus nurture yeah i mean it's very day cuts i think therefore i am like i have these feelings therefore what are they like who am i how is this any of this real but i think the bigger point is why do we question it so much though because we have to question everything but love is like why are we scared of it oh no like why do you know what i mean like throw me head first yeah i'm

not scared of it no but like those things of like oh love you know it's so dangerous so this it's so that you can have this and have that do i like him can i do no i think people are oh no people are scared but i don't think the the philosophy the philosophy angle is in any way rooted in fear that's trying to say what is this yeah it's trying to explain yeah i completely agree but i think the fact that our generation now is terrified look towards like antiquity to explain these like phenomenons that have taken over the world generations before our existence is because you feel rejected by that guy who didn't message you back on tinder and you thought you were going on a date and you got all ready and he never messaged you back like we've been there all of these different situations make you turn to any explanation of the things that you

are feeling and the things that you imagine others to feel love when in actuality i just think feel what you're feeling don't have fun with the dating thing and literally see what happens that's the because it's the love at first sight thing of like well i'm not going to take that away from you it's not my feeling never never never yeah but i do think before you before we all start making these sort of statements of like here's a song mate i'm a capricorn trust me i'm the queen of making these statements yeah but go and see the dinosaurs and you will see that we're here for a blink yeah i agree but that's why i think love is everything i don't think love was around with the dinosaurs and you will see that we're here for a blink yeah i agree but that's why i think

love is everything i don't think love was around with the dinosaurs no but i think the fact that they exist is love how they were on the right conditions well that's it and i think that right condition is love it's that old um oh i don't know if it's not aquinas i don't know who this thing is remember i told you about the pocket watch in the sand i love this yeah of like what the chances that everything is gonna you're walking along in the sand and there's nothing the mirage nothing's real you're gonna starve whatever blah blah blah walking walking walking you stumble on a pocket watch everything works perfectly together and it's still ticking away all of the cogs have come together all of the circumstances it hasn't been destroyed it's just working perfectly you wouldn't look at the

pocket watch and say that got here by accident it's coincidence i think the fact that there have been dinosaurs here for so many years and now we get to be here and interact with one another on ways and levels that we never have before that is pure love like that is crazy and i just don't think love is the universal like bonding thing like all anyone ever wants is to feel validated and accepted all of these podcasts revolve around a feeling of love, either within yourself or looking for it in others. I think everything fundamentally comes down to the way that you live is how loved you are. Have you been fed? That was through love.

Have you got a roof over your head? Okay, that was through love. I don't know. And I do believe in soulmates. Well, and I've studied history. Like I've studied history and anthropology. Like I get the reality of why we're here. But I think ultimately, also, I've studied history and anthropology, like, I get the reality of why we're here. But I think ultimately, also, I think it's a dangerous game to, like, assert that there is no meaning beyond anything.

I think if we reject... Well, I hate that. I fucking hate there is no meaning. I think if we reject love, you encourage a discourse that is quite destructive. I think that you cannot say there is no meaning and you cannot say there is a meaning. The one thing... I think you can say there is a meaning, because if you have a meaning, say there is no meaning and you cannot say there is a meaning. The one thing- I think you can say there is a meaning because if you have a meaning, then there is a meaning.

Yeah, but it's not your meaning. It's like a human lens. It's kind of the one thing we can all agree on is this is fucking crazy. Yeah. This is crazy what we're in. Yeah. Who knows what the fuck it is.

Some of the smartest people in the world say it's a simulation. Some of the smartest people in the world say there's a God. Some of the smartest people in the world say we're literally we don't know what we're doing and we're that's it i'm more inclined towards them but we can all agree this is fucking weird yeah and we don't know why we're here yeah so i don't know if i can say this is because of love this is because of science this is because of anything all i know is there were fucking dinosaurs walking around

they were killed by a meteor and now we drive cars and have phones what the fuck what happened what the fuck happened and i don't even know if i need an answer but i also think there's different timelines operating at the same you know where your soulmates could be and things like that like i know you believe in soulmates well this is the thing i don't know i don't know what i believe in i think you're on're on a science hype. You're on a health kick. I'm on a dinosaur hype. You're on a rationale. You know when you get that bit

when you're obsessed with a dinosaur? You know that feeling? You know that feeling when you're obsessed with dinosaurs? It's so relatable. It's relatable content, guys. But I mean, do go and see some skeletons and you'll be sure.

I just think you know that feeling of when you are connecting with someone. Oh, look, you know I know. You know that. Not you. I think everyone. Everyone surely, surely i think has had that moment where you think okay i'm like yeah but i don't know what that is i don't know if i agree with i'm calling it soulmates because i like it the idea of soulmates is just as old as ideas about like eros and all these different types of love like i'm just as inclined to believe an old tribe from Papua New Guinea

as I am to believe Plato. We're philosophers today. Yeah, we are. So, thank you so much for listening. If you've listened to this, you're in. You're in the gang. You're a priestess.

I'm fully priestess. There's no questioning it. They're like, no, please don't give me that title. Anything but priestess. No, you are. Whether you like it or not. You are to me. You are to Erin. You are to both forever for life yeah i would have found you in any lifetime

but the dinosaurs so thank you so much guys leave us a rating and a review i hope you've loved this bonus episode yeah god how lucky you are lucky lucky girls you're lucky lucky though right well thank you so much for listening. Bye. Bye. Mix and match two items of your choice for only $4. Breakfast wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra.