Goes Without Saying - a crash out recovery guide

Episode Date: September 6, 2026

EP003 - How did I get out of a seven month slump? This week I had insomnia, a few glasses of wine, and an existential crisis over TikTok. @makesyouspiralWatch on ⁠YouTube⁠. Follow on ⁠Instagram���.

Reaching your audience on Spotify with display ads is easy. Use your existing creative and launch your first campaign in minutes with Spotify Ads Manager. It is really hard to swallow advice that seems so simple. If you're struggling with your mental health in some way or you're just going through a moment of feeling a little bit of shit, it can feel obviously insulting when someone is like, have you thought about drinking some water and going outside and speaking to a friend? Have you thought about that? Dummy. Honestly, baby's first depression. It's not justifying the severity of what you're going through.

That's annoying. You know what else is annoying? The fact that it works. Guys, we're on three for three. Three for three. We're still here. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of you.

I'm quite excited for this one because I feel like, if you've been here a while, you've been loving Seffi and Wing, thank you so much. Well, first of all, how are you? so rude of me I'm really loving the Spotify comments and I said that before

so if you fancy telling me what you've been up to and just how you're feeling I would genuinely love to know and while we're at it guys I hate to say this but like do you want to follow on Spotify I'm not trying to brag but like this podcast has a ton of followers on Spotify maybe I shouldn't say that but like

we have a lot of followers on Spotify and I have done some snooping and these other podcasts don't have as many followers as us. Yeah, follow on Spotify and also, basically, if you're not watching the video, you can also follow on YouTube if you want to see what we're up to over there. You don't want to miss out, do you? Few things this week.

I was really struggling with insomnia, which is maybe something that we'll get into in this episode. But if you don't know me, you might not know that woe is me. I suffer bad with like phases of insomnia. And this week has been really awful. I think because my routine was off, it does make sense because obviously, dare I say, I went to New York, ate loads of bagels, got engaged. It was pretty much all we spoke about in the last episode.

So my routine was off, which I feel like, yeah, it's going to make your sleep a little bit fucked. Basically, what happens is I'm knackered, I'm ready for bed. Perfect. Everything's going according to plan. She's a normal human being until disaster strikes and I wake up at like three. And then I'm awake until like seven.

And I maybe have half an hour of sleep. And then I wake up really knack at half seven. So it's not ideal. It's not the worst case scenario, but it's not my fave. So I've been having a few pub journeys. This is not a recommendation. This is a report of my personal findings. And this is not news to anybody,

but a couple of glasses of white wine are really knocking me out in like a really nice way. And again, this is, I feel like this is all linked, but this is very much on theme. I'm not rambling. I'm not going off course. This is exactly what I set out to speak about.

A couple of glasses of white wine. It's knocking me out. It's giving me like a great deep sleep. Maybe some weird dreams, but that's okay. I can have a little weird dream or two because reality is so crazy. I'm prepared.

I often have the thing where, I mean, in the UK, I feel like, I don't know. I don't know if this is just a me thing, but I feel like I'm constantly doing those mental health assessments, like through the NHS and stuff, see if I can get some therapy, etc, which I have had NHS therapy many times,

and it has been helpful many times, but they'll often do like the questionnaires where it's like, do you do this, do you smoke, do you do drugs, whatever, do you drink? And I'm like, I don't drink that often. I really don't in my life. And they're like, do you self-medicate with alcohol? I'm like, honestly, and again, it's not a recommendation. is a report of my personal findings.

And honestly, just a joke. I think my life could be easier, in a sense, if I followed the white wine path. But I'm not doing it. I'm just having a bit of fun. Socialising, I feel like the engagement, I recently got engaged. Did I say that?

I recently ate loads of bagels. I also got nerve damage. These are sort of my top hitters at the moment. I feel like the engagement, like, I've just, there's been a, that people want to see you, they want to see the ring in person, they want to, like, say hi and be nice and whatever. So I've been loving some white wine.

Can anyone tell me, okay, I feel like I should have more of an opinion on wine, and I don't. And I did, I do remember at uni there was a guy who, oh, look, I don't want to, I'm not digging you out if this is something you did. But, like, he went to a private school, and one of his courses was, like, wine tasting. dot, dot, dot. Honestly, wow, how the other half live. That is so mind-blowing to me. So if you couldn't tell, I don't know much about wine and I didn't go to a private school.

Yeah, can someone just tell me like what wine do you think I would like? God, sorry, can't leave you alone? I'm just like, can you tell me things? Can you tell me what's new with you? Can you tell me about wine? This episode I'm excited about because I do feel quite qualified to speak about it and I'll tell you why. part of my, I don't want to say hesitation, but I have always felt like sometimes it's difficult

because I think the medium itself of social media and also just the misogyny of being a woman on social media talking about anything. People do not want to hear it and it immediately, I do think the medium sort of undermines the way that the medium is received. I do feel like undermines some of the things that you can say. So for example, like I said, go to YouTube, makes you spiral. You'll find it. It's tagged, I think. People are a bit mean on YouTube, guys.

Or like, everyone's very nice on Spotify, obviously. That's like, that's my people. You've been here a while. Like, you're very sweet. You're very nice. And too right, as you should be. We're all having a good time here. On TikTok, people are nice,

I think, because they think I'm really depressed, which makes sense. On Instagram, people are relatively nice. on YouTube, oh boy, they are not happy over there. I don't know what's happening over there, because I feel like everyone says that, like, YouTube viewers are really, like, nice. Not to me, they're not.

Over on YouTube, I don't know what is happening, but, like, they are just getting up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know why. They're in such a stinky mood with me. It's not that big of a deal. I've had, like, a couple of comments that are probably all gone now. There was one that they weren't digging me out, but they just left like a, no, it was rude, like the phrasing of it.

It was sort of like they were pretending to be really thoughtful and introspective, but it was actually like, they were jabbing at me. And so I came back with like a really thoughtful, genuine response. In it, I said, like, you know, this is a conversation that I think could be treated with some sensitivity, which I don't think you're doing. But if you do genuinely want to have a conversation, this is my take sort of thing. And they deleted their comments, tail between their legs. I sent them home. I don't often reply to a, like, a comment like that, but sometimes I just think

I have something to say, like, you will not sense me. Anyway, people are a little bit mean to me on YouTube, but I think it's because they hate to see a woman speak. And maybe I'm a little bit deluded and I'm a little bit in denial that someone could be a little bit shitty on the internet, but obviously, I'm sure most people here would agree. Yeah, no one wants to see a woman speak. Zip it. But I, I was zit. zipped for like most of my life. So I feel like I've earned my right to open my mouth every once in a while. They're going to be on a podcast these days. I'm equipped to speak about this because, first of all, I am studying psychotherapy currently. I did actually say in the other episode, I was like, oh, like,

maybe I'll be a therapist one day. And I was like, ha ha, my digital footprint. This is silly. Like, would you want your therapist to have this crazy digital footprint, whatever? wait guys i think is actually going to be a problem like i probably should have actually thought about that because this is going against any guideline ever of like professional conduct so we'll see about that i might like i originally imagined it might be held off until i'm you know 10 or 20 years down the line but we'll see and people did kindly say they would still like me as their therapist but I don't believe you. And also, I don't think that's right. Or, like, I don't think it would be called therapy. I think it could be, like, we could have good conversations. But I am currently

studying psychotherapy, and I have a deep, long-term interest in mental health. Guess why? Because I am so depressed. Again, I'm reporting my personal experiences. I have been depressed, honestly. Did you ever hear this song The Life Got Cold? My Girl is allowed? I wish I wasn't talking about this. If you're a similar age to me, you might know the song. The thing is, it was a deep cut. It wasn't a single. It was off of their album, What Were My Neighbors Say?

Great name for an album and also great name for like a pop girl group. Girls are loud. A loud. Genius. Really good, actually. And again, no one wants to hear a woman speak. Whoever came up with that probably was a guy, wasn't it? realistically because if you look what was it like pop idol got it like a hundred years old like

i'm actually i'm the 97 year old diner that says just go the old fashion way like i'm a hundred years old i'm a hundred year old egg i feel like i am just like a bit no time this is the wrong word i'm just transcendent like i'm just incredible i'm just like i've always been here i'll always be here overseeing the earth. I do not come from a time, but I do. Anyway, listening to Girls Lab, What Will The Neighbys Say? When it came out, I think it came out in like 2004,

2003, 2005, maybe. I think it might be 2005, actually. I was like seven or eight. I listened to that, so I remember, and I remember distinctly, my favorite song on the album, thanks for asking, Life got cold.

I mean, you can tell by the next. that it's not going to put a pep in your step. It is a little bit, like, I mean, it's very somber. It's very melancholy. It's very down in the dumps, down in the pits of hell. Should I read you some lyrics? Because that would be funny. Wait, we could do a bit of spoken word.

Okay, life got cold. Oh, it's a single in 2003. Okay, this is vintage, guys. No, I can't read this. Okay, yeah, I can't read this. Okay, here's a bit. This is devastating. We smoke as we choke and we sink another Coke.

And we grin when it blows our mind. Crazy because I'm like seven years old singing about cocaine. Right, this is a bit that's crazy. We skate as we date as we slowly suffocate. We're running, we're running, we're running out of time. My life got cold. It happened many years ago. Long ago I lost my soul to some forgotten dream.

How was I supposed to know it wasn't what it seemed? Guys, it's devastating here. We sink as we swim, the ice is wearing thin. Right? And I'm what? Six, seven, eight. Bumping in my room. Again, the dangers of an only child.

God knows what you'll find yourself doing. I am rinsing this song over and over and over. For why? A lot of pop smash here. hits on that album. Couldn't have cared less, joking. They were all banners. But there's always been something somber about me. There's always been a sensitivity to me, dare I say. And I guess I'm just an empath like Shane Dawson. I guess I'm just sweet. I'm joking, guys, I am joking. But I have always been fucking miserable. And God knows why. So, yeah, I mean, I can think of a few

reasons why. I think in terms of like social conditioning and and my experiences of nurture definitely would would make sense why a child would end up being a little bit um introspective and sad, I suppose. This isn't boo-hoo by the way. This is like, it's fine. But also biologically, there's something happening in my brain. I have an extended family history of some quite significant mental health situations. I'm pretty sure on both sides. I'm getting it from all angles. I remember saying in an episode before that up until recently, and I think to be honest, even now, and I don't think I am like an anomaly with this, I equate sadness to depth. I find it hard to see depth in things that are positive. Like a happy song to me is not,

consciously, inherently less deep. And I know there's a lot to do that and like, you know, there is a longstanding conversation around art, an artist being depressed. And also, like, I was born on a Wednesday. And you know what happens when you're born on a Wednesday? You're full of woe. You know Wednesday's child is full of woe? I'm sorry, that, that is so fuck like how dare you that is extremely fucked up first of all i'm a newborn baby thank you very much how dare you tell me that because i happen to be born on a wednesday i'm full of woe what you're fucking weird as fuck mate that is so deranged of you to say such a thing mondays child oh god monday's child where do we sell monday's child's like so successful saturday's child oh my god

least of life. What a beautiful, amazing. Wednesday's child? Oh, don't get me started. I would avoid Wednesday's child if I were you. How dare you? I wonder if you know what day you were born, because I feel like I remember finding out that I was born on a Wednesday as a kid when people were saying like, Monday's child is the best. Tuesday's child is really cute. Wednesday child is a fucking miserable little brat. Excuse me. So maybe this was the prophecy all along. But yeah, if you don't know what day you were born, I don't know if that's common to know or not know what day you were born. I feel like maybe with the rise of astrology, more people have like looked into what day you were born, etc. But maybe Google it. And all my Wednesday's child girls, hit me up. Let's be sad and miserable together.

I saw this thing the other day. I saw a TikTok. I'm not going to like to you. It wasn't an article. It wasn't a book. It was a TikTok. And you know what? It was a good one.

It made me laugh. It made me, it moved me. It moved me to research. Basically, it was a TikTok video about different celebrities and the, the number one song from when they were born. So the song that was number one, when they were born, okay? You can Google yours now. There was lovely things like someone was born and the song was like,

I don't know, like something fun, like Mariah Carey. someone's was like the coolest songs guys I googled the day I was born the song that was number one it's worse than you think think of a bad song yeah

times it by five it was the fucking macarena I actually cannot show my face around here the macarena was number one when I was born they were talking about how just like it informs who you grow into

and you they somehow capture the spirit of who you turn out to be. Sorry, am I capturing the spirit of the Macarena? Am I? Why? Why? Wednesday's child,

Macarena child. So, yeah, I know a thing or two about being depressed. Spotify Ads Manager makes it easy to create your first audio ad in minutes for free. Sign up today, launch a campaign, and start reaching your audience. Leave me back to

my point that basically, it's something I've always struggled with because I have spoken about my mental health tons on the internet. It's a smart thing to do. Nath. But it has not led me astray. I think it is really nice. It has not failed me. Actually, it has brought me a great sense of community and it's my favorite thing in the world. I just, well, it's my favorite thing in the world because not just like talking shit about how depressed I am on the internet is my favorite thing in the world. But it becomes my favorite thing when people connect to it, basically, and let me know so kindly. that they connect to it, it is literally my life's work and like the meaning of life to me.

Like that is the most special thing. I never thought that I could like do that in a way like this. So something I've struggled with is being able to present the depth of my misery on the internet where everything is not sort of watered down, but I guess it's just diluted by the medium and by, you know, the impact that I have by choosing to share when I'm good and historically not sharing as much when I'm bad. I mean, I would get on the podcast when I was bad, but I'm not like posting pictures of me rotting away in bed. And I have spoken about that on the pod before just in terms of like I want to, I kind of got to a place where I was sort of thinking, I want to be able to represent the reality of what struggling with my mental health looks like for me, without doing something that feels disingenuous.

So I was sort of weighing up, there's a little bit of a dichotomy for me in that presenting that content, for example, of being in bed, not moving, and rotting my life away, feels disingenuous. That doesn't feel natural to me. It doesn't feel like where I'm pulled to go.

But at the same time, pretending like I'm fine and dismissing the fact that there is a huge truth and like a huge part of my life and like identity personally, memory, personhood is built on the experiences that I've had with really bad mental health. So I always struggled with the idea that not that people wouldn't believe me, almost that if I were to see my content, if I were to come past me on the internet, even though I would talk about it in depth on the podcast, and I do feel like that the podcast was the medium that you, it's easier for me to convey it through a podcast where I'm talking at length

versus like a still image of me, as I say, right in my life away in bed looking greasy and miserable. I will also say and just quickly acknowledge there are a multitude of reasons why it wouldn't feel natural for me to take a photo of me looking greasy and miserable and post it. Obviously, we've been conditioned to not do that. It's not the social etiquette of social media. there's huge societal pressure to present yourself in the most flattering way, etc, etc. I just didn't want any comments for someone thinking that I hadn't considered that. Some may say that goes without saying,

three cheers, let the bells ring for that. Anyway, yeah, I often felt like I wondered if I were to come across my content, if I were to come across myself online, would I be able to, I don't know, really connect to what I was saying, about my mental health just because the conversation is so watered down and so sort of sanitised that a lot of people talk about mental health awareness and I never felt like I could properly articulate or justify the extremity of what I was going through. I mean, I'll say it plainly here. I went through things that were quite extreme, just like quite dark, about as dark as you can

get. Honestly, about as dark as you can get while still being here alive and well to tell the tale. Throughout moments of my life recurring, since I was listening to Life got cold by the one and only girls allowed. Tell me that, there's something up with that kid. Macarena kid. No, there's something wrong with her. Anyway, and I love her. No, she's funny and she's weird. I love it. But it is bizarre and it is maybe concerning. And we maybe we should have looked into that at a younger age instead of letting her figure it out for herself when she was like 14. Anyway, not digging my parents out in this one. We're going to be nice and civilised. I suppose what I'm trying to express is not only am I coming from a place of actively learning academically about psychotherapy and mental

health and the application of mental health services, particularly in the UK, but also my own long-lived personal experiences. It's an anthropological examination, we could say. I suppose a podcast, in a sense, is some sort of ethnography, although it's me presenting it of myself. Something I would always struggle with when it came to mental health advice, and I think a lot of people experience something similar, is the idea that when you're in something that feels so excruciating,

they give anyone a podcast these days. When you're in something that feels so excruciating, when you're in something that feels so excruciating, it is really hard to swallow advice that feels so superficial. When the emotions you're experiencing feel like they are reaching the depth of your soul deep down in the pits, advice that seems so simple and almost teeny, obvious, superficial, skimming the surface, it feels like the advice is not justifying the severity of what you're going through.

If you're going through, honestly, the depths, if you're struggling with your mental health in some way, or you're just going through a moment of feeling a little bit shit, you're listening to Life Got Cold, and that is a bad sign, or you're listening to the spiral. That is a bad sign. It can feel obviously insulting when someone is like,

have you thought about drinking some water and going outside and speaking to a friend? Have you thought about that? Dummy. Honestly, baby's first depression. That's annoying. You know what else is annoying?

The fact that it works. And I think it is important to examine a little bit. Why is it annoying? To me, in my experience, is fucking annoying because I feel like I'm going through something that is so vast and all encompassing and inescapable and huge. And you are offering me a solve that seems so small. Now that's where they get you. Because actually, and it feels so counterintuitive and it feels

so paradoxical, the best thing you can do when you're feeling huge emotions is the smallest action possible. The smallest action possible. Ridiculously small. Silly small. I don't even care for you to say go outside. It's beyond go outside. It's literally open the window

and put your head near it, okay? If we're talking the depths of the pits of hell of struggling with your mental health, I'm not worrying about drinking enough water. I'm literally saying walk to the sink. Is that where you're getting your water from? I have a filter. I don't want to brag, okay?

I have a break. filter in my fridge. I'm the queen of England. Go and get a glass. Don't even fill it yet. You know what's going to happen? If you walk to the front door, you're probably going to step outside of it. If you walk to the fridge to go and get some water, you're probably going to pour some water. If you have a sip of water, you'll probably drink maybe half the glass. You know why? Because you're a cheat. You're a fraud. You are hacking dopamine into your body. Something that I have learned not just through like, the academic side of things, not just through theory, but I feel like something that I've had to accept, honestly,

kicking and screaming is the fact that so much, it doesn't matter how clever you are, Missy Moo, you cannot outthink your body. And your brain, you know where that is? It's in your body. It's in your body. Forget the mind for a sec. Let's prioritize the body.

How wanky and annoying is that? Tell you what, it's probably the truest thing I ever said. In my personal anecdotal experience, that is backed up by theory, if you think about the reality of what is happening and how a human being as a mammal functions, if you can cheat your dopamine, it doesn't matter how small the achievement is. The dopamine will be triggered.

The more you can build up that sense of achievement, you are on the cycle. And I just think that's an important thing to remember. So physical things, I'm making it as small as possible. Making it literally so it's a joke, like it's pathetic. Like, don't make your bed just, like, move your pillow into the right place. Make it so dumb that honestly watch, watch what happens.

And not every time will you, you know, be able to do like, you know, the longer term task. but if you are in a period of really struggling to function, don't even think, we're not doing brushing your teeth. Well, I mean, I would like to see that you are. If you're not, I ain't judging you. Maybe just walk to the bathroom. Maybe just stand up, okay? That is the big task of the day.

I do not care if your big task is teeny weenie microscopic. All right, I don't. I just want to know that you allowed yourself the opportunity to do something small in the right direction for nothing other than serving yourself and trying deeply to activate a little bit of achievement in your body and your mind. This to me is about, honestly, and I will say a big part of that, and like I said, sorry, if you're watching the video, this is something that started happening when I became the 97-year-old diner that serves coat the old-fashioned way, the 100-year-old egg.

I'm nearly 30, it's not a big deal. I am really only joking. I'm actually, I'm getting to a... I am fucking buzzing to be 30. I feel like it's... You know, everything's chic these days? Being 30 is undeniably chic, and I just... I'm actually really excited. My nerve damage is looking quite bad today also. Sorry, I'm just looking myself in the thing. If you're watching the video, you can see me rubbing my chin as if I am a thoughtful man with a lot of facial hair.

I'm not. I'm just a thoughtful woman with a lot of facial hair. I never, guys, I have hair absolutely everywhere. I won't go into detail, but it can be quite extreme. It's that Middle Eastern hair is coming through, okay, with a vengeance. But when I got to like 27, the hairs on my chinny chin, chin. It is not a joke. I mean, that's caused for a crush out, no. Obviously, like, what you want me to say, like, love yourself.

I love the hairs on my chinny, chin, does that make you happy? I can't believe. What am I saying? What am I saying, guys? You listen to this, do you? You crazy cat. So basically, just a disclaimer. If you see me rubbing my chin, I mean, I know why thoughtful men do that. It's because it feels amazing. I don't know why. And maybe when you get hairs on your chinny, chin, if you ever do, you'll know what I mean. You'll think, you'll think back to the days where you used to listen to this podcast, you'll think, but she was right. there is just something satisfying about like, I can't believe I'm putting this on the internet, right? Let's anyway move on.

What I wanted to say was that for me, there was a huge like ego component to it all where largely because I was really depressed and I was finding functioning really hard. And so following that advice felt really impossible. Like people were like, go out, go for a long walk and see your friend. Like, why would I ever do that when I'm feeling so deathly? And I mean that.

I mean, I would literally be like in the same breath. I've thought about this quite a bit, but this is really quite horrible. But I would screenshot a book that someone recommended so that I could buy it and read it. And also Google methods of suicide in the same half an hour. This like passive living and idea of, you know, I'm probably going to be here because I'm stuck here. Oh, I don't know why I feel emotional all of a sudden. I'm not going to cry, but I mean, I do know why I'm emotional. I don't know. I'm speaking about something really horrible.

I spent a lot of time Googling, like, most effective methods, etc. And also sort of passively sticking around because it's very hard to leave realistically, in a realistic sense. And I will actually say on a serious note, which this episode, I suppose, is quite serious. But I remember learning this at uni that a lot of people, I think I've said this on the podcast before, but a lot of people think that you shouldn't ask somebody if they're thinking about or planning suicide and if they're planning on doing something harmful to that extent. I am censoring my words just a little bit,

just in case any of the places where I'm putting this podcast don't want me to use the proper language because I suppose we're just 1984ing ourselves. I'm not going to say unaligned because I think that is, well, I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know. Maybe we can talk about... the dialect of the internet at a later date.

But something that I learned was that a lot of people think, this is, I suppose, just one theory as well. A lot of people think that you're going to do damage by asking somebody if they have any plans or if they are feeling like they want to do that. But actually, sometimes when you beat around the bush, it can, you're preventing yourself from a conversation that could be saving somebody's life.

At the same time, like having experience, those moments of awfulness. That feeling of, well, for me, I had a really deep feeling of like being suffocated by not being able to leave my life. God, this is making me sad. I'm not going to cry.

She says while crying. It's fine. Isn't that just really sad? Anyway, I actually read, although it's more just like a collection of notes. Emil Kuran, I spoke about him definitely on the podcast before when I was in the deaths.

he would speak about, what he called it, the trouble of being born. And it's essentially the idea that, I think it could sound quite bleak, but basically the idea that if you were going to do the thing, if you were going to die now, there is kind of no point because you've already gone through all of the shit stuff. You know, who's to say that from now on there's going to be more shit stuff? And maybe there is, but there could also be a ton of good stuff. And basically just, if you're going to kill yourself, it's too late.

because you've already experienced so much shit. And basically, this is the trouble with being born, is that when you're born, pain is inevitable. And so there's no point leaving. But, you know, like I was saying in the last episode, do you think you are not resilient? I think you are resilient. I think you've got through a ton of shit.

And I'm like, you're still here. You've already gone through potentially the worst of it. So you're too late. you're going to have to stick around. Sorry, I want you to stick around. Yeah, feeling really self-facated by my own life. And that's what I mean by my mental health has been quite bad. So now do you believe me? Um, I'm joking. So emphasis on the biological is always where I would start. I just want you to think about drinking water. I'm not guilting you for it. I just want you to think about it. Just think about, yeah, opening the window. Just think about it. Do the smallest

thing you can because physically you will your benefit in your brain okay when you're feeling the depths of an emotion you are lost in it it is like what do you mean i'm a mammal i'm actually experiencing something so deep that you could never get it and there is no savior for me and i am alone this isn't something that other people are experiencing this is all me and i'm doomed and like i just think it's a good reminder of like you are an animal you're an animal you're a beast actually um and and you should treat yourself as such. I just think. Body first, brain later.

Your body, I trust. Your brain, I ain't loving it. I ain't loving what she's up to. Pick a task. Half it. Half it again. Have it again. And I'm not good at maths,

but I know how to make myself have to do less work. I would try and sort of end the isolation loop. I think when you are feeling not so great, commonly people will wait until they're feeling better to reply to people, that they love and care about. And unfortunately, you are often just displacing the short-term anxiety,

funneling it into a long-term guilt and shame. Easier said than done, you're fine. Okay? You've done more than enough for today. So proud of you. And I'm not even joking. Oh, I don't want this episode to be a bummer, which I know is a crazy thing to say,

but you've just cried, but like, come. we have some fun here? Can we spice ourselves up a little bit? I also think there's a lot to be said about patients. I think a lot of people, this is something that I have said myself and I hear it all the time when people are basically saying like, therapy doesn't work for me or like, I'm too self-aware. I know all of my problems and I'm just still doing it. And especially with something like CBT where you are challenging your thoughts, presenting more realistic evidence to counter. low self-esteem ideas in your mind. The thought of knowing what you're doing is not enough,

but there is this idea in human geography and urban planning about desire paths. If you have a stretch of greenery, a stretch of land, if there is a more convenient route for where humans want to go, they'll walk straight through that mud, they'll walk straight through that grass. Come back in five years' time, the grass in that area has been worn down, to create what they would call a desire path. Your brain is very similar. Your brain is capable of creating parts of desire

in the way that you can effectively retrain with neuroplasticity you can change the way that your brain functions. And I know your brain ain't functioning very well. Speaking from experience. For example, when I was really, really struggling with my mental health, I had to just swallow my ego and accept that Vegas cannot be choosers.

If you were able to operate with a little, little bit of patience. I feel like a lot of people think that, for example, therapy isn't working because now they've identified the unhelpful thoughts that they're having and they're challenging them, but like nothing's changing. You're still having those thoughts. You're still feeling like shit. Do you think that you can spend what, 20 years of your life, affirming and reaffirming a harmful idea to yourself, a really like horrible belief about yourself, something coming from a of really low self-esteem, you've been working on that as your life's work. And it's a masterpiece. You have worn that thing down good. It is deep in your soul, but it is not inevitable. It will take

you longer than two weeks of trying to challenge that thought for the new desire path to be formed and for those thoughts to be overwritten. If you think that it isn't working, I feel like you're going to need to give it longer than like three weeks. I'm sorry to say. But you're trying to challenge thoughts that you've literally been working on your whole life. I always think about things that were said to me when I was like 15. That's a long time ago now. And I remember them like they were yesterday. I'm rehearsing them over and over in my mind. I'm strengthening that memory. And it's going to take me probably five years to introduce something new and probably more logical and more kind to myself. I don't want to be really woo-woo, but it's true. I have never once in my

I've regretted reading anything. Well, I regret reading things on the internet all the time, particularly those horrible YouTube comments. I'm joking. I'm actually joking. I'm actually, I'm being a little brat about that. Had one or two comments. Same really wanky things. It doesn't matter.

I'm tough enough. Hell yes, I'm tough enough. Ed Miliband, I actually voted for him. But again, Wednesday's child, of course it didn't work out for me. Anyway, this comes again down to exercising a bit of patience and also accepting that you're going to have to do those really conventional, stereotypical, good mental health advice things like reading. I hate to say it. I have never in my life regretted reading a book, even a shit book, even a book that I despised or didn't finish. I have not ever

regretted in my life sitting down and spending even two minutes reading a page of something, particularly when you don't need me to tell you, your attention span is gone to shit. I'm not trying to I'm going to be rude, but I'm surprised reading is still here. Because we've been chatting a while, you and me. And you're still, I mean, am I on in the background? That's okay. I don't mind. In fact, I'm honoured. I would love to be in your background.

Thanks for having me, genuinely. And again, in terms of exercising patients, I know a lot of people are like, I don't read, I can't read. See, they're saying that they can read, but they can't, they don't have the attention span for it. Or they don't have time for it. Okay, this is going to sound harsh, but like, what's your screen time?

What is it? You can tell me. Mine's really bad. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. You can tell me your screen time. I know it's probably, it's not ideal. You're probably not proud of it. If you were to take, what, half an hour off of that screen time that you spend on an app that you don't like and used it for reading. For example, you would feel, what, one, two percent better about yourself, maybe more. I just don't want to overinflate my advice. I heard someone say that and I just thought, Yeah, you got me there because my screen time is pretty heavy. And I'm just in no right to say that I don't have time for something. I probably do. At the moment, I'm a little bit stretched, I will say. I'm a little bit busy right now. But, like, it's fine.

Another thing that I would say as well is if you haven't read in a really, really long time, again, I don't know why you think that you could sit down and read a book from page one and not find it a little bit of a struggle. And I know you used to read a lot when you were. I know you used to read a lot. And even if you didn't, just go in with the awareness that you're going to find it hard

to read like a page or two of something that you're not already invested in because you haven't read any of it. Also with the awareness of, you know, there have been many times in my life where I put hours into books that I really didn't like. Again, I wouldn't say it's time wasted,

but it is fucking annoying. I'll say that much. There are many times where I've read a book and been like, amazing. I will swear, by a very nice shower. Even, like, not the best shower.

I would still take it. It's dark. I'm not turning the light on. I could put a candle on. The only problem is the ventilation in my bathroom is not the best because I live in a fucking thousand-year-old house in Brighton that's literally built out of, like, sandpaper. Anyway, I feel like if you live in England, like, in cities,

you're in these, like, old buildings where it's literally like, No, that actually made out of like dust and thin air, frankly. When we got a dehumidifier, only what? Last year, oh my God, it literally became my best friend for like two weeks. I was obsessed because I fucking turned it on. Guys, humidity, 84% humidity. No, in our living room. Not like in the bathroom after a shower. 84% that was what we were living in.

It's not good. It's not good. And there's mold everywhere. No wonder I'm. mentally old, no, I'm joking. There isn't mould everywhere, but we have to do a lot of maintenance to make sure that the bathroom doesn't get mouldy. Are you interested in this?

And the hairs on my chinny, chin, chin. Sorry, I find chiny chinchin, very funny, as you can tell. I've said it quite few times. So I'm taking quite, it's high risk, high reward there. If you are finding that funny, then it's landed and I've done my job. And if you don't want me to say it again,

I've already said it like six times. So it's a bit of a bargain. Yeah, the dehumidify became my best friend. 84% humidity. So I probably, on that note, I'm not liking a candle in the bathroom because one time I lit a candle in the bathroom when it was really steamy and like the water got to it and it started crackling like really weird and I just thought, I'm not in the move for that.

Another time, another candle story, since you are so nicely. Hey, if I'm on in the background, hey, come back, listen to me. I'm saying something really important. There was this one time when I was cleaning my bedside table and I had a candle on and I had my hair in a ponytail and I leant forward to like really scrub. my bedside table and I heard like a crackling and I smelled like a fire and I was like, oh my God, like that smells so good. Like I love the smell of a bonfire. Like this is amazing. I love this scent. And then I looked up and my hair was on fire. Have a nice shower and I won't put the

lights on and this is also a long distance relationship tip or if you are in a loving mood and for whatever reason your lover is not around, use their body wash. You might not like that, but there's something about it to me where, I just think that's so good for the soul. Or like, wow, we're just, we're connected. I honestly think there is nothing that a bit of water can't fix. Tears, for example, sweat. Swimming. Swimming. And a nice shower or a bath. Just submerge yourself. And it just washes everything away. And famously, I would always say, I don't care if it's like 4pm

and you need to get in the shower and start your day afresh, clean your hair. You probably do need to clean your hair if you're anything like me, if you're wondering why you're so depressed and then you look in the mirror and it's like, oh, I could cook an egg on my head.

I had a bit of, well, not a spiral. It was pleasant, but I made like a highlight on the Instagram for the pod of like some of our old, like, Cepheon Wing things, just like old stories, I just like put them on a highlight. And I was watching some of them back. And it was really making me laugh and like feel emotional.

I just want to reiterate the loving place in my heart that that is sitting in. And I would never take that away from us and like just what it means. So and also like, you know, that podcast was with me in the height of my, or the depth, I should say, in the loathe. opposite of height. There isn't really a word for what I'm trying to say, I suppose. Loath, it was about right? When I was in the loath, I suppose loz could work. Or just depth could work, or any other word that is actually real.

But when I was feeling really shit, the podcast saw me through many moments and because people send messages that really live deep within me now. So thank you so much. I enjoyed this. And I'm sending you a lot of love. If you're really going through it, I so believe in you, like you have no idea. You know what? Things can change very quickly.

The difference between me feeling extremely bad and me feeling extremely good has not really been that long. And I will say I had pretty much the worst year of my life last year mentally. And I've definitely had the best year of my life mentally this year. And that is considering some significant blows that I've taken. And for example, nerve damage, like I went through a real health scare and, like, crazy complication with an operation that I had. And don't get me wrong, I cried a lot, but I don't know, I'm just in a different mental capacity.

And I believe that if you are not feeling great, a more positive mental capacity will find you soon. And I hope you took around for it. So, all right. I never want to leave at the end. You probably do. Right, right, right. Pause.

Stop, close the up. I can't wait to see the back of this girl. But for me, I'm like, I could stay here all day and all night. I'll go. I'll go. I'll see myself out. Love you so much. Sending you a huge smooch.

Not in a weird way. Just in a normal way. Just between friends. And, yeah, love you so much. I'll see you around.