Goes Without Saying - alone vs lonely: in isolation and it shows

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

POV you're listening to this podcast pretending that sephy & wing are your friends. but that's okay because in this ep we're discussing why we're all completely lonely and surrounded by fake friends. in 2020 we've all been confronted with loneliness in new ways, and isolation has become a part of life, but we're here to keep you company during the apocalypse! from friendship breakups to social media realness, we're dropping our egos and shattering illusions in this ~ extra authentic ~ episode. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello everyone, and for some completely unknown reason, you have found yourself listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. Hi Wing. Congratulations everyone. Hi Sefi. We get heavy in this episode, guys. We get quite deep. on yourself listening to goes without saying with sephie and wing hi wing congratulations everyone hi sephie we get heavy in this episode guys we get quite deep so be prepared for that is all i'll say i think we get quite real in this one in that we kind of it's good you'll see you'll see what happens we're talking about friendship loneliness it's authentic it's deep it's real those buzzwords

that i personally would be looking for i would feel quite fulfilled in this and all the things that would turn me away from a podcast and think self-indulgent okay yeah we're gonna make you confront some questions within yourself the darkness of your heart and your soul it's big darkness vibes and that is really stunning we're talking about friendship loneliness fake friends and something else i can't remember what the other word was that we used in our little description isolation isolation oh that's quite good because it plays on lockdown exactly yeah nice we're clever because people on apple podcast be typing in isolation this will be coming to the top of the list we We're clever. We're marketing. There we go. Well, I hope you enjoy it. I hope you enjoy

it as much as I did, even though it's painful. Enjoy. So one that I wanted to start with, because I feel like this is so common and I've seen people make this mistake and I probably have made this mistake and it's just fucking huge and just leads to loneliness, which we're not fucking having. So someone wrote in saying, I know I have friends, but sometimes I have this inescapable loneliness because when I'm overwhelmed, I forget to reach out. And then I'm stuck wondering why no one texts first. And I just think this is such a telltale sign of people getting stuck in the cycle of like, oh my God, no one's texting me first. And then also you never reach out. You wonder why no one else reaches out to you. And then you almost set this rule for yourself that's like okay well

i'm never texting this person first and i'll just like wait and see if they ever text me and if they never text me then they never cared but actually you're it's you're just torturing yourself endlessly because they do care and you care so fucking text them that's definitely a big thing at the moment isn't it like when you it's like viral tweets, like every single, like kind of every 10 viral tweets, there's one that says, I'm not texting anyone anymore. And then I never heard anything. And that's when I knew I had, I give more in my friendships than everyone else, blah, blah, blah.

It's so self-indulgent. But do you do that? I think I've definitely done it before. Do you do it currently? No, because I know that it's toxic. It's quite a mad behavior to be like okay well i'm just gonna if i want an outcome i'm just gonna do nothing and they will make that happen for me but i have no part in it and that proves that then they care about me

it doesn't prove anything you know what it reminds me of which this is really like like stupid random crazy niche story is it from harry potter no it's when i was like kind of six years old like in primary school oh wow really just random you know when you remember weird things but then when you become like an adult you look back on them and you can put them into like real world perspective and you're like okay that was weird yeah god i was mad yeah i don't know what had happened i must have like fallen over i must have like knocked into someone someone like knocked into me whatever blah blah blah and i was a very well-mannered child and I would be like I was please thank you sorry etc etc I had a bit of a social experiment which

does kind of make sense but I was like let me just pace the playground bit of a Dumbledore let me just pace he's in his office pacing yeah he does that often he does that a lot i was like let me walk from this part of the playground one side of the tarmac to the other you must have looked mad yeah and i'm just gonna walk in a straight line and i'll just see how many people bump into me even though they can see me coming that was this was my kind of um what the hell that kind of weird um darren brown moment i was like i thought i was gonna kind of weird Derren Brown moment. I was like, I thought I was going to kind of come to the conclusions

of like, kind of civility and humanity. You're like, if people care about me, they will. Yeah, exactly. And I think kind of,

I don't know, like probably two people bumped into me and didn't really think much of it. And that was that. What do you mean bumped in? Like as in they start a conversation with you?

Well, just imagine. I just thought I'm going to walk from A to B and not meander. I'm not going gonna move out of the way for anyone if anything i'm the artist i'm walking in a straight line up and down that must have looked at you're honestly pacing widths lengths of the of the field and all of the kind of tas all of the like playground assistants the teachers were thinking is she all right um and i wasn't all right i was bizarre yeah probably with like a really somber serious facial expression like this is a mission absolutely like this is the most serious if i could have had my walkman on me playing kind of lamar or kind of girls aloud um fucking whatever that one sad song was on their

um what will the neighbors say album for example oh my god i would have had that playing but isn't it funny that we just wait for the world to happen to us and you think that that's such a clever test and i think people still do that now in the metaphorical sense of walking up and down your school field and hoping oh my god people if people care about me they will bump into me and then if they don't if people are good people this is my kind of test and also it's like you'll find the evidence for whatever so say that people bump into you it's like oh well only two people bumped into me and if no one bumped into you it's world ending it's like oh my god no one cares about me but if a few people did it

doesn't really mean anything no the thing was that people i was hoping my kind of what's it called like my hypothesis was like good people will move out of the way and bad like ill-mannered people will not move out of the way basically i'm a sidebar never answer any of the polls that i do on the story because god knows what i'm collecting this data for like i'm just judging oh i see i thought it was like okay so people will talk to me no you wanted to see if people will move for you yes oh you're really mad you're really insane it's kind of jesus christ i'm kind of so i'm kind of um breaking the ocean i'm walking on water yeah you're kind of parting the red sea exactly exactly that basically first of all don't do that and second of all don't wait for people to text you first if you want to talk to someone talk to them i think it's one of the most self-flagellating self-torturing behaviors that we do in that it's like we want to

talk to someone there's there's a text that needs to be sent you're thinking okay i'm feeling lonely i feel like i've got no friends i've got some friends here that i could talk to anything but they haven't texted me in a while and it's like yeah because they're not thinking about you in the same way that because you're obsessing kind of well they've got shit going on too this is what i mean yeah and going back to that girl's message which also this wasn't what that person was saying but suddenly i've taken it to the playground when i was six years old and made it about like testing people but i think everyone is in that kind of or gets in or most people get into that rut of like i can't i don't i haven't thought about text i haven't thought about anyone but myself and yet been so consumed by thinking about worrying about people and blah

blah blah it's not the thoughts on there and the intention to text and connect is there but actually doing it in this big 2020 when everything is so demanding like life feels very demanding you almost center yourself in that way that you think oh my god if no one has texted me it's because that they don't like me blah blah and it's not even anything to do with you people haven't texted you for so many reasons that they've been rushing about or they're depressed or anything there's just things going on and 99 of them aren't about you yeah to be honest probably none none of it is about what kind of friend or how high you rank in their life it's sometimes just difficult to get to a phone and there's that idea that people that don't make an effort people that don't reach out to you fuck them like they don't matter and it's like actually you're you're really

centering yourself and i do think there is truth in that if people don't if it's not a balanced relationship yeah it can be really difficult but things do give and take we said in another episode about like diamonding if you'd be prepared to diamond lucy sheridan our queens saying and it's the idea that you will sort of ebb and flow with your friends you will move further apart and then you'll come together imagine a diamond draw a diamond with your hands you'll go away then you'll come together plumb bob if you will yes if you will and i think that it's stunning like you're not always going to be sometimes the give and take will not be completely equal sometimes it'll be more from one person, sometimes it'll be less from the

other person and it's fine. As long as there is balance there. Do you think, I was going to ask you how balanced are your friendships? And I thought, let me take it further. Do you think our friendship, mine and your friendship is balanced? I knew you were going to do this. You could see the guy in the test goes across my face. I get excited. It's like the equivalent of you walking across. Will she move out of the way? Will she stand there? I would totally be the person that stands there and doesn't move though.

Yeah, you would. I bet. What are you doing? If anything, and you'd walk off to all your friends and be like, what the fuck is that girl doing? You fucking freak. I'd go, did you just fucking see that girl just walk into me? Psycho.

I actually probably would just stay there and be like are you all right like kind of you'd stay there to prove a point well i'm not moving it would turn into a competition who moves first who can stay there for longer oh fuck yeah do you think our friendship is balanced do i think we're balanced yeah i think we're pretty balanced do you yeah but where do you think we're not balanced go on spit it out let me think we're all friends here spill the beans i'm really trying to think by the way my dog is on my lap so if he hears snoring it's it's not me it's little ozzy i am tired it's my dog i just can't bear to get rid obviously not get rid of him i just mean put him in a different room not put him down put him down is what i heard that don't put him down

do i think we're balanced i think we're balanced in the way that there are definitely moments where one of us needs the other one more than the other one in that when one of us is struggling there'll be the one sort of crying on the phone and if the other one's struggling there'll be the one kind of crying on the phone there'll be times when it's out of balance but it's kind of balanced it's harmonious and we're kind of the scales yeah if we're gonna do a libra thing it's there is balance there i don't know am i talking shit what about you no but how do you think we're not balanced just in the way that we come from different perspectives often like it's rare that i think we've said this before it's rare that sephie and i will be in the

same like mood in the sense that i'll be feeling so fucking melancholy and Sefi will be really manic and then we kind of level each other out. And then my high will come crashing down and you'll be level. Yeah, and I'll be trying to kind of be logical with you. I remember something that your boyfriend once said about us, which I think is so fucking true. And this is what I mean by we're in balance

in that we're not always coming from the same energy. Our behaviours are different. Our perspectives are the same, but our actions can be really different or the way that our kind of impulses like your impulse is to be very slow my impulse is to be very fast and i think both are weird and we need to and that creates balance yeah both are very not productive and we together we come together to create something but i think your boyfriend said something when he saw us at a talk um he was like when you're up here she's down here and when she's up there you're down there and we we just kind of level each other out and somehow our energy is kind of balanced in some weird kind of way yeah i think we're balanced in that way in that we're

very similar but very different at the same time do Do you think we're balanced? Yeah, I do. I just thought maybe, maybe you had something to say. You made me go on this whole, when I'm up here, you're down here, just to get a yes back. Are you mad? What do you take me for? It's kind of girlfriend sends paragraphs and paragraphs and get a question mark back. Yeah, no, thumbs up. You just liked my response. Yeah did double tap yeah nice yeah that works i'm like prepared to diamond no but it's true we do yeah sephie is very like um well there's just lots of ways that we're different like sephie is very turbo and i'll come in with the patience and make you rethink something and we just i'd come and drain your energy all the time like so i asked on the stories what makes you feel lonely because i just thought i want to trigger you obviously i'm just here to attack

yeah i love this at all times and i just loved this that somebody said they said not being anyone's quote-unquote best friend or number one priority yeah and i thought that was such a universal thing especially when you're younger i feel like again like everyone put a tweet out that was like i'm i'm always second best yeah like i'm never anyone's like first choice i'm never anyone's priority yeah yeah with that kind of thought that everybody has i know what you're gonna say i know what you're gonna say yeah i don't know if you do i think it's that you find the evidence for what you choose to believe oh okay one of our classic things that everyone will always feel that they're never anyone's whole priority but who do you think you are you should be your own priority i know it's so

fucking classic so stupid and all of these things and everyone's rolling their fucking eyes but you will never be anyone's first priority because we've literally evolved to prioritize self-preservation at all times that you're never going to be someone's first priority because it will either be them or their children this shit's biological guys it's so true that's not what i thought you were going to say but that is genius and really true but i thought you were going to say it's all ego anyway yeah it is all ego why do you need to claim some to be somebody's priority that doesn't mean anything and like why should you be yeah it's an it's a really unhealthy amount of pressure to put on someone imagine if i said to you i need you to be my number one yeah

i need to be your absolute number one priority it's like well actually no my health is my first priority like it's kind of like i've actually got a lot on right now. Yeah, yeah. I also had a whole moment yesterday. This actually really relates. I mean, considering that we're talking about loneliness, I'm in a place right now. I'm in Portugal.

You're very isolated right now. Very isolated place. But I think it would be a place where loneliness would potentially thrive. I'm actually, we did do an episode before about loneliness. And I actually just think I'm just not someone that is prone to that feeling when i'm on my own but i am definitely in groups of people that i don't like but i had a moment where i well i was dancing around my room quite a crazy moment listening to some music real dancing i make a point of doing that every single day by the way yeah i do it loads it's actually so healthy and i had also had some of

my little weed i have my sort of weed potion yeah some amazing concoction i actually kind of want you to bring some back i really want to bring it back i obviously can't bring it on the plane but it is so good the bum hole would you do that for me how balanced is our relationship i do it for you i'm joking i wouldn't would i go to a portuguese jail for you i don't know but it's um kind of a weed tincture a potion that was brewed especially for me and i was had some of that and i was really dancing around my room and i was just thinking that's quite mad yeah really mad yeah is this relatable guys is this relatable the relatable content you wanted relatable content i wasn't dancing but i was having a

little you know you were grooving around i was honestly grooving having a groove when i say dancing i don't mean i was doing the macarena in my room i mean i was just you know getting on with my business having a go i was like hey macarena hey um i mean i was just you know tidying up doing a little dance you were doing the work this out high school musical to choreography how do we get from the top of the world to the bottom a little bit of bad air a little bit of sugar no I just like tidying up blah blah blah and I was really just thinking you have got to be your own best friend really nuts but i was really like in my mind thinking you cannot be waiting for like all this stuff and you have you've got to do this with someone you've got to do this no you actually have just got to cut the crap and be your own

person like i think so much of the suffering in life is the search for like oh my god well i can share this with this and i can share that and then i can do all of these things that actually no fuck fuck that scrap that and you actually have just got to be your number one gal so true yeah you literally have to be otherwise you'll just succumb to doing what the world wanted you to do yeah and i do think so much of what we chat about and so much what we chat about on here is the kind of unlearning process that comes with realizing that you've spent a lot of time dumbing yourself down making yourself smaller making yourself quieter in order to what fit in and still no one liked you it didn't work so you may as well do what the fuck you want yeah it's that classic thing like no matter what you do people are gonna have something to say about you

so you may as well just do whatever you feel like it seems so simple like you hear it from a young age you've got to be your own best friend you've got to be your own person that you've got to rely on yourself or whatever it seems so simple but i think it took the weed potion for me to realize for it to really hit heaven and now i just think about it's not really that big a revelation because i've always it took some kenny ortega choreography to get it out of you like i've always actually had that ideology anyway but it really hit in the way that it's like fuck this is a scam this this whole thing is a fucking scam you've really only got yourself and no matter what kind of trauma and shit and bad situations that get thrown at you you're actually just in there like the the voice that's

in there the skin that you're in is always there unless you die and then no one's there it sounds like i'm deep in the potion right now she's under the influence but i was just really thinking it's like actually fuck because i knew we were talking about loneliness and it's just like actually loneliness is a fucking scam because you're actually not alone there's always someone in there your multiple personalities that i have you're actually not alone. There's always someone in there. Your multiple personalities that I have. You're always in there. Yeah. Unfortunately for most of us, the person who's always in there is being so hard on

ourself is constantly being like, you're no one's priority. That's the problem. No one's messaging you. Why are you isolating yourself? Blah, blah, blah, blah. The constant. Your inner critic. Yeah.

Your inner critic is just constantly kind of berating yourself. And your inner self is sometimes constantly kind of berating yourself and your inner self is sometimes a fucking arsehole absolutely but that's what i mean by be your own best friend and that i would never speak about you the way i speak about myself it's the thing of if i said to you you're not working hard enough you're a little cunt i would yeah you're looking rough today you're fucking rank i would just never. Yeah. But the way you speak about yourself, it's actually that you've got to cut the crap.

You've got to cut the crap and just get on with who you are. Yeah. Sorry, Ozzy has really come up to the microphone. He like really wants to pipe up. He's got something to say. And now this is a message directly from Ozzy. To all the chowamas out there. So in terms of kind of me saying I'm crazy,

dancing around my room or whatever, doing the macarenaarena in my room i do think so much of the loneliness that people experience and people were saying on the stories comes from like a sense of not feeling whole and not feeling at peace with yourself and kind of like you can have fun with yourself and you saying that you dance around your room like what are some ways that you kind of think people can you know experience kind of fun with themselves i feel like people don't have fun with themselves at all i feel like this is pointing to quite a sexual i don't mean that i mean people don't spend time with themselves they don't know what to do with themselves it's like they just need something else yeah that's so true i do think dancing around your room is a good one i think listening around your room is a good one.

I think listening to a podcast is a good one, actually. And I'm not just... Yeah, same. That's like, that is a really shameless plug. No, I completely agree, though. The amount of people that send us those memes that are like, me talking to all my friends, but really it's the podcast that I listen to every week, is so fucking true.

And I think if you have, not necessarily us, but someone... The problem is, I think think this I asked on the story does social media make you feel more or less lonely yeah they said it makes them feel worse and I haven't actually checked but I think that's mainstream social media yeah I think when you find people online that you I'm doing this thing really consciously now where if I follow someone I really think like on Instagram specifically if i follow someone i really think like on on instagram specifically if i find someone and i think i'm gonna follow you or like okay i want

to keep you on my radar for whatever reason i'm inspired by you i think you look good i think you talk about interesting things blah blah blah i'm really consciously thinking am i jealous of you before i hit follow am i jealous of you i love that am i inspired by you am i jealous of you? Before I hit follow, am I jealous of you? I love that. Am I inspired by you? Am I jealous of you? Because if I'm jealous of you, I'm not hitting follow and I'm going to forget your username and you'll disappear into the void and I'll never return to you. You've got to be gone. Yeah. Yeah. Until I'm not jealous of you any longer. But I think that there are so many people, I feel like I'm at a good place for social media now where I have like kind of a handful of people, not a lot of people like influencers whatever that I feel really connected to in a way that

makes me feel like me so I hope that we are that for some of you yeah the way that I view social media is that all these people kind of represent different facets of myself or different facets that I would like to be more like or that I bleed into in some way lean into yeah and I think that that's how it should be used in that we might sort of symbolize some kind of thing some sort of facet of humanity that people are like wanting to get a bit more out of or can align themselves with that's why you should follow not because we make you feel bad in any way we might be triggering people which would be awful but we do roast them in every every chance we get we're like you are lonely

but and lots of different things but i i also think i could look at if i was in a lonely point in my life i could look at sephie and wing or x y and z people online and think god i wish i had that or i wish you know i'm feeling lonely and i don't i'm not talking to anyone in the way that we are talking right now for an hour and it's very intense it's funny because I was gonna say like since the last time that we touched on loneliness I feel like I feel quite differently yeah definitely maybe over lockdown or just as I get older just in life I feel like at the moment I find myself more often than before looking around my life and feeling like there are lots of parts of me that aren't reflected in the people that I'm surrounded with do you get what I

mean and so it's like yeah I do feel lonely in that way in the sense that there are so many things that I am or that I think about or that take up my consciousness and that I would love to I don't know have in my life when I look around at the people that I'm surrounded I have I mean I have amazing people you do you have one really amazing person one in particular my boyfriend my dog and someone else said let me find the message I loved this one in particular because I love that they said, this is going to sound incredibly cocky, but I really think I outgrew a lot of my friends.

I don't even think I'm at a point where I'm outgrowing my friends, but just in a sense that, and lots of you were saying similar things, it's just, I think I'm someone that other people think that they are connecting with me, but I am quite unimpressed by them, which is horrible. No, no, no, it's not though but i think i had a bit of a shock for example when i went to uni i thought i would meet loads of people that

kind of thought like me and were interested in things like me and and i just kind of felt like i met the majority of people i met at uni were fucking assholes i honestly think 80 percent of maybe even more 80 percent of people were and I think it just put things into perspective. I think it's because there's such a privilege at uni. Yeah, exactly. And I just don't really, I don't know if I've said before on the podcast, but I kind of feel like,

kind of in my past life, I was a real kind of peasantry, like kind of I had 10 children and I had to feed them bowls of brown and like no matter what privileges I've had and anything, like no matter what privileges I've had and any anything like no matter what I will continue to have I just find that life I think the people that I've seen that have the most money have the least friendships and the most empty lives yeah they have really empty lives and I just find that really sad Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and

creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until july 14th it's a treat for you and your wallet acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals.

Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com And I just think I'm at a point in life where I'm thinking, I'm kind of looking around like, I kind of want you lot, you listening. I want to look around my life and see you, but I can't. I have to get to you on my phone. Do you get what I mean, Sefi? Completely. Yeah, but I can't. I have to get to you on my phone. Do you get what I mean, Taffy?

Completely. Yeah, I completely get that. I definitely think loneliness is more nuanced than if you're happy within yourself, then you're happy in life, then you're endlessly abundant. I don't think that is- I've never been happier in myself. Yeah, exactly.

I think one of the hardest things is that I agree that things have completely changed since we recorded our last episode on loneliness, is that one of the saddest things is that the more you become yourself often the less you have around you because the less people not even can keep up but the less people have the same beliefs as you because the more you keep learning and learning the same people aren't learning at the same pace or they're learning different things yeah but it's kind of Aaron Burr it's kind of um every proclamation guarantees free ammunition for your enemies it's kind of why taylor swift doesn't want to speak out about politics because

you're going to alienate half of your audience even though that half of your audience fucking assholes and you wouldn't want them anyway the more you speak out about things that you believe in or the more you become i guess closer to who you are yeah you're you're niching down and you're getting to people who are really connected to you but you lose a lot in the process and the more people hate you yeah absolutely that's the thing that's why i liked that person's message because she said i don't mean to sound arrogant but also like i'm outgrowing people and i don't think it is arrogant at all because i think the people that you think you're outgrowing probably also think they're outgrowing you absolutely or they think you have become an arsehole yeah oh my god what an idiot but it's not even about um a smugness it's not personal

so do you think we go through waves of loneliness in life yeah i think so it's not only about like feeling okay within yourself but it's about also who you're surrounded by it's not even a case of whether there are more people around you then you feel less lonely and if there are less people then you feel more lonely because i i actually feel that it can be quite opposite for me in that sometimes when i'm around lots of people constantly a lot of people that i don't like say the difference between you becomes more extreme when you're confronted with it becomes so transparent and i think god i am more alone here because i just don't relate yeah because i think it's not even about having like loads of people in your life.

Because we had a thing on the story that was saying, is it about quality or quantity? And obviously everyone, quality, quality, quality. It's the simplest trick in the book. But does that reflect reality? There is definitely an idea that we all think, oh yeah, quality over quantity. But also have the quantity of acquaintances definitely. It's definitely seen as a needed thing. I agree. I i think people even when they think they've got to a point where they don't give

a shit about what anyone thinks of them is probably the point in their life where they're performing the most it's so hard to not give a shit it's so hard to live authentically and not give a fuck there's no blueprint for that we haven't really seen a blueprint for that or the only blueprints we've seen of that are women that are looked at as looked at as mental yeah burn at the stake yeah we've seen them die for this women that don't give a shit and blah blah blah and are independent are looked at as maniacs by society so you obviously don't really want to emulate that so another message that i really really really loved there were so many but this is another one that stood out to me um talking about fake friends and almost a way to avoid that loneliness feeling of you're in a group and you

just feel like fuck these guys who the fuck are these people yeah yeah or just when you find yourself surrounded by a load of fake fake people and you're like oh jesus christ what have i done to myself which i think that is one of the main causes of loneliness it's not even like i have no one to text it's like shit i'm texting fake people which is what miles worse i'm with the wrong people yeah so true so freaking true yeah so they said take it away they said i do a full screening before befriending people even my acquaintances and i think a full screening is exactly what is necessary i think that is clever clever clever i would love to see her tactics yeah so true have you ever done that like a kind of okay well if you're gonna be my friend i need to kind of i think i i'm like one of those people that's really like i don't really

consciously screen like i don't go through like a process with people yeah it's rare that i'll meet someone and be like yeah you can come right in Come on in and get to know all my shit. Oh my God. I will not even keep people at a distance. Like I'm really nice and friendly. Like I'm very warm with people. I think that's the problem. It takes a while for me to feel like

you have to kind of prove yourself and me to you as well. Like I'm not an amazing friend. Like I'm kind of very absent. Not to me. I'm like, are you? it's not to you i'm knocking on your door every day like can i hear your voice couldn't be more present but i just don't i know not i'm not fussed about the numbers and i've also been always one of those people where it's like

you have a lot of people around you but then even within that group you'll have like the one or two that's like really kind of you're gonna die for them yeah hopefully you don't have to but like it's all out like very much on the same team and i think it's very rare that i keep i mean there's a handful of people on my team yeah absolutely and sometimes when you think the people are on your team it will keep shifting continuously and we know some you might think someone is on your team but really they were just on their own team really no they were playing on the opposite team that is probably really common it's probably just the most common thing ever so common i definitely think with screening people it's not

a conscious thing of like okay i'm gonna go through your social media and track down your ex-boyfriend do i want to be friends with this person i think it is more of a conscious or it could be more of a conscious thing but I think life and moving through with just relationships in general is just a constant act of screening of just you are weighing up are you worth having are you trustworthy like I see the way you speak about your other friends that's a process of screening I don't want to be in that club of someone that you talk about in that way the way that you engage with people is a permanent act of screening of like okay well i'll keep you at a distance okay you can come in a bit and you know that just a

natural way of like letting your boundaries down putting them up is just relationships very true yeah i completely completely agree have you ever let someone in and then been like oh that's too much need to get you back out a bit always always after all this time always with me you're thinking god i'm pretty deep in now how am i gonna get this one out with my personality people often think oh my god we're getting so deep into conversation and i've had it quite a few times where i'm talking to someone they go my god we always just get in such deep conversations don't we and i think did we was that like yeah we like I'm so sorry yeah that was small talk I'm so sorry um that we were on different levels but that was not

a deep conversation I think maybe it's because that kind of conversation is boring like blah blah blah and I would rather get into kind of like how did you feel when your parents left you like kind of yeah proper conversation like i just think that is real meaty like stuff and then i think that kind of gives people the illusion that we're close whereas that to me i think both of us have it that to us is just normal conversation probably enhanced by the fact that we go pretty deep every week with a load of strangers yeah on the internet yeah i think people think it's like god we just get into these conversations as if that's kind of our special connection that's like wow we do this together it's like

we really don't we really don't to them it's really bonding yeah so it's the idea that you're kind of really open and really blah blah blah and people therefore interpret that as vulnerability of like you are an open book but it's like actually no i'm a pretty closed book but i'm happy to talk about those conversations because those aren't secrets to me i think i'm similar in the way that i i make people feel yeah like they can tell me anything and i haven't said a thing you're a scammer i'm a big time scammer master manipulator yeah but i didn't mean to but also i did mean to because i want you to like me and i want you to feel like you can trust me which you can for the most part until i come to roast you on my podcast when we when i've been engaging in just like to be honest just conversation basic standard conversation and

other people have interpreted that as like a meaningful deep conversation that i've found myself with people thinking they're closer to me and kind of divulging info that i just don't want to hear like it's just too much for the closeness of how close they are to me they're not in my inner circle and it's like oh jesus okay so yeah i definitely think i've had to have boundaries of like okay let's keep people at bay the problem with keeping people at bay is often we're in situations where we're at uni and we're living with people or we're working with people we're going to see them every day we're going to school with someone blah blah blah or the friendship has been established for so many years lots of people saying things like that it's like when someone

when it's been established that you both know what to expect from this relationship but for some reason you are wanting to push them out slightly that's so hard to navigate but i think it comes down to ultimately choosing yourself don't you because that's the only choice it's either you choose them or you just choose yourself and and move on i think it's about prioritizing your own journey like i know that sounds so woohoo but it's like you may have a special bond to a friend like i have a special bond with you so we kind of think okay we're on the same journey like we must be totally aligned at all points but always think the same yeah but there will be points where

we'll there'll be points where we'll stray from each other and do different things as well but it's about prioritizing your own journey and realizing that it's not always gonna align also i think it's about going back to the ego thing of wanting them to have their own journey as well i think when you are actually in a real balanced friendship with someone or real balanced relationship with someone you start to think less about whether they are prioritizing you and whether they're your number one and whether you can claim them and more about kind of if they're okay if they're having a good time yeah if there's something you can do for them those sorts of things to make it like a real and productive relationship yeah totally because otherwise you're just centering yourself in the

thing of like why haven't they messaged me and you haven't thought that oh well actually they've it was the anniversary of something traumatic that happened in their life recently they've got a full and complex life way beyond your existence yeah people are busy and people aren't centering you in their lives and they're on their own hashtag journey they're on their own path but i also think there was something this came up quite a lot that people were saying that they have kind of special bonds to people that they met a certain point in their lives i.e the first person they met at university they have a special connection with that person and it's almost like they can't let them go because it's like oh my god we met this time or the first person i met at primary school and therefore we must be friends forever

because you want that narrative you were bonded in that experience and i think that definitely happens in like romantic relationships quite a lot of like we met at this specific point so we must stay together forever you start sharing trauma a shared trauma isn't isn't romance or isn't a bond that's one of the huge things that people were saying like well we met at this point and then i had this narrative that we'll always be friends and therefore we must fight through this thing i think there's something about letting go for a bit and even if it's not like you have to fall out but it's like you're actually just in different places at the moment losing friends is so traumatic like it is so traumatic

or redefining your boundaries with people that were close to you is so traumatic and so heartbreaking like a breakup but it is just a part of life yeah it's a full breakup full-on breakup sometimes far more intense than a breakup yeah because you assume they're going to be there forever because i think with romantic relationships you preempt the breakup you're kind of even if you're secure you you think about the fact that this could end and they might not be in your life whereas with a friendship you kind of become friends with someone and never think about how that's going to end yeah I've definitely had like friendship quite recently like friendship redefining stuff going on and it is such a trauma it's such a horrific

thing especially when they're like key players in your life and i think there is something about um allowing things to flow in their own way and just like hoping that you can come together again in some way when there have been some like changes that have gone on and not putting this pressure on the idea that you must stay completely aligned at all times on the same path and just knowing that your paths can be parallel but i completely get that it's a fucking lonely feeling when your friendships start breaking down especially if it um is kind of not just fizzling out it's kind of collapsing before your eyes yeah it's a heartbreaking kind of um it is it's literally just like a heartbreaking feeling what's the advice for that just prioritize

yourself my advice is communicate because there's nothing worse than replaying a situation in your head where you wish you communicated more or you wish oh I wish I could say this to that person I think the key is could I really feel like I'm speaking from the heart yeah but I think it is so painful I think my advice is just be genuine don't let ego get in the way don't let any of those stupid insecurities or jealousy get in the way to speak i heard a bit of advice recently that i really think is so true that it's really easy to feel wronged in your life like it's very easy to view yourself as the most innocent person that you have been wronged by the world and i don't like that because i've got a preoccupation with weakness like i don't like to feel that anyone has done me wrong and i would rather accept that i'm in fully in the wrong but i heard that most um sort of fallouts or most disagreements if you just

assume whether this is not the case whether this is the case or not that if you just assume that it's 50 50 that you are 50 to blame and they are 50 to blame you can kind of work out from there you can kind of see clearly what the fuck-ups were on both ends rather than thinking oh because nothing is as black and white it's a process yeah it's just not as black and white as they fucked up so much or i fucked up so much it's just about viewing it with nuance with clarity i think that is how you can form foundations even if they are changed forever i agree i also think with the communication thing it's it can be hard and that no matter how prepared and clear and fair you think you're being with your communication if they are not

on the same wavelength if they're not prepared to meet you in that communication it won't work and there is only so much you can do with some people with where they are at that moment yeah that's almost the point where you not give up or like pack it in but just kind of think let the universe take its course yeah yeah because if you're if you're going and going and going and they are they just cannot see it halfway and they will not meet you with communication i mean that surely is one of the most painful things because you are giving and it's just not being received in any way well sometimes no matter how much you try to reason with someone they can't see your perspective like they will refuse to see and that is a very isolating experience particularly when that person was very like fundamental in your life

it's sad isn't it i think there are going to be lots of people though listening thinking like god this is very relevant so true relatable content life is fucking a heavy thing you know what i was watching last night living with yourself you know that paul rudd thing came out fucking yonks ago no oh yeah i do know that where there's two of him and it's selena gomez in that no selena gomez is in the other thing with him which is called something about something about sadness or like a caring fundamentals of caring i think fundamentals of caring yeah random i never watched that weird duo really random yeah really weird paul rudd and selena gomez even weirder duo paul rudd and paul rudd yeah exactly really the crossover no one asked for in living with yourself

but there was a line in it where he someone's talking to him and they go so life huh and he's just like yeah i guess but it's so true yeah fucking life life huh and the worst thing about life is everyone's having this life problem attack them and and no one's communicating it so we all think that we're having this life problem happen solely to us and we're all on our own isolated well this is one of the things that i think is so funny especially with having this podcast that we get people messaging like this is going on like what should i do and almost holding us on a pedestal of people that don't um suffer almost like that we we are empowered therefore we do not suffer and i just want to shatter that all over

the fucking ground and say no yeah literally shatter shatter that it's like we are empowered but i think it's empowered to be upset and things like that i want to smash to smithereens the idea that we are not struggling in our own whatever it's like we don't we totally have insecurities we totally have egos we we're fucked as well guys yeah so true i've been thinking about that a lot recently of this is good this takes it really dark but i've i've been thinking about how we show how we present we've had a lot of um input someone wanted input about how we present with sephie and wing um and the things that we're showing versus the reality and etc etc and i

i mean sephie knows i've been so over the course of the rebrand i've been so fucked like i've got some sort of major health condition that we won't get into she's in major pain right now she needs to get to a and e asap i'm in severe pain i'm dosed up like if you think i've been weird honestly same and i've been thinking about how i mean so i haven't really been on social media in the same way and i've been thinking about my absence because that's just a joke in itself is that i think i'm important enough that i'm absent now as if anyone's noticed but also in the way that i'm fucking post post posting

relaunch videos of us like chit-chatting everything great literally when i'm like high as a kite in chronic pain yeah dose up like bed bound like crying like haven't stopped crying haven't slept a wink haven't slept in two weeks like and yet no one would know because social media is fake so it's just madness and so i i think a lot as well about i would love to know what you guys think and teffy i would love to know what you think because i think you and i have different perspectives on this as well in like whatever we both have nuanced views because we're human beings but i always love someone online more actually i love people more when i see them cry when i see them be real when i feel like they've been open this is why i try and get people to be open with me

when you feel like you know them and you can see yourself in them. When I feel like they've let me in, exactly. Not to be dark, but Ariana Grande. What made me like her? I hate to say it, but anyone remember Manchester? Yeah. Seeing her in a state, seeing this trauma happen to her and the way that she then handled herself

and the way that she just came back from that with her sadness but very empowered and very strong i do i like ariana grande because i like ariana grande or do i like her because i saw her say no tears left to cry and i thought yeah i've been crying too now i love you yeah do i like you or do i like myself and i'm projecting myself onto you and this is what i say about you guys listening do you like us or are you seeing the parts of yourself in us and so you think you like us but you actually just like yourself well for example with ariana grande you see an aspirational version of your own suffering so you see god you see someone that's sad and you see someone that is a bit fucked up like all humans

are but you see them do it with a very long stunning ponytail and a very little outfit and you think oh well she's doing it stunningly but i don't think that's what makes me like her no i don't think it's she's doing it stunningly you like the sadness yeah i i'm drawn to people's inner like workings like people's sadness totally yeah and when influencers get on and when like a fucking youtuber will put up like a 20 minute video and they start crying halfway through because they've been having such a hard time they're struggling and they're like i didn't know if i should post this i used to always think why would you not post this everyone needs to see

this i love it so i love it love it love it i want to see it blah blah but then half the half the other people are like this is so self-indulgent. And I just, I think as I've gotten older, I've realised that I think differently to those people and that people think that it's self-indulgent to just talk about the realities of life. I just, I get how influencers can be self-indulgent 100%, but I just always think people sharing their sadness is the most important thing about life. And I was just shocked to find out that not everyone i don't know i don't know i completely agree i 100 love this is why i'm on a new emma chamberlain kick and i love her podcast more than anything because it's kind of just an hour and a half of her rambling about how sad she is to be honest and i love it because it's so human and

it's so like just fascinating also she's just so charismatic you can just hit listen to her talk for hours that's just a promo for emma chamberlain as if no one's heard of her type of e m m a just really small underground influencer but um yeah i completely agree i love hearing about people's struggles because you can see a bit of yourself in it you can see okay so they had a very similar thing that means i can get through it as well in that way but i also think from the perspective of our performance in that way or the performance of having some kind of platform and then feeling that you have to place like all of your stuff on there rather than just like you know the palatable bits of like okay here's us talking

as friends like for example on the day of the rebrand, you were in chronic pain. I fucking FaceTimed my sister at the end of the night crying and she was like, oh God, you would never think this from Instagram. And it's like, yeah, no, you wouldn't, would you? Because it's all a lie. And it isn't a lie because this is real. It's just a part of it. Yeah. It's just a part of being a human being. It's not a lie, but it's not representative. Like to think it's representative is so wrong. Well, it's not a lie, but it's not the. Like to think it's representative is so wrong. Well, it's not a lie, but it's not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Because how can you give the whole truth of your literally your 23 years of life on an hour a week? You can't. But I think also going back to Ariana Grande, it's not because I see the sadness and think that it's

aspirational. That world is so inherently formulaic and fake that her sadness was nothing but real. And that feels like a breath of fresh air. And I just think I just navigate this world constantly looking for realness. Also, I'm not the realest person ever. I'm absolutely not. I just crave real, real, real, real, real.

Reality. Authenticity. Because I just think just think yeah we're all fucking fake and i just i would rather honestly have absolutely nothing and no one than be fake than be or be surrounded by fakeness be surrounded by fake that is one of the most lonely and isolating feelings of all time realizing that the life you've built around you is made of fucking dust like it is just not there and there are no strong foundations to it that's what i mean by i don't feel lonely necessarily on my own and i feel lonely when i'm in a group of people that i just think this is fucking vapid this is so false and that doesn't mean to say my friends are like that but you know when you just look around you just think what is this when you find yourself in those

groups yeah when you somehow stumble into a group and you just think fucking hell get me out of here this is awful and yeah i think that's why we do strive for um we do seek authenticity in kind of public figures and youtubers and ariana grande and lady gaga's documentary which changed my life for some reason i have no stake in lady gaga don't have really many feelings about her when i watched that documentary i was in love same as demi lovato's every documentary i watch where i see a bit of reality yeah oh there's celebrity documentary katie perry getting done before she goes up on stage with her fucking cream pie boobs life changing microphone in hand oh to be honest to see the humanity in people that you think of as cartoons. Yeah, life changing.

Or the people that have to conform with... Perfection. Such a facade, yeah. Especially as we've got little cartoon figures. When you listen to this, you're seeing our little cartoon figure faces. Potentially, it could be this kind of cartoonish idea of female empowerment, of living your amazing life. And actually, the reality is, it's a fucking journey.

And that's a big part of it. Yeah, it's a fucking journey. And that's a big part of it. Yeah, it's a fucking journey. There are bits that are really great. But it's not all pretty. And there are bits that are really not great. And it's about trying to find a way that in this fucked up world, you can have empowerment.

You can feel good about yourself and not lean into kind of nightmarish situations by going for a toxic boy and things like that something i actually wanted to talk about i put on the story and asked do you often feel lonely 76 of people said yes i wasn't surprised then i asked are your friends lonely yeah i thought this was an interesting question from you and only 58 of people said. Don't you find that interesting? Yeah, I do. Because it just shows that perception is everything. We think that we're the only ones feeling sad. And also it's funny because it's like,

you voted, I'm lonely, but my friends are not lonely. But your friend who also listens voted that they are lonely, but you are not lonely. I was literally gonna say, yeah. It's just so funny, yeah. It's just classic classic isn't it but the way that we isolate ourselves but it's not intentional it's just because society made us feel like we're allowed to suffer in silence kind of things have to be private and yet we all

complain about the way that social media is so curated and like only a celebration and a highlight reel of the positives but it's like yeah but none of us want to share the negatives because we've been made to feel like we can't and we've been made to feel that it's embarrassing and to be honest if someone went around sharing the negatives it would be straight in a group chat yeah getting slandered they'd be getting slated it's embarrassing apparently exactly it's like just now we've just said oh we're we're not perfect everyone's like oh well they're not interesting now they're not perfect and it's like oh god okay yeah i would love to know let us know if you're drawn to kind of an all more authentic thing or you just want a performance because i totally go

for different go to different people if i want authenticity or if i want a performance and maybe we fall into the performance category even if i wanted a before even if i came to someone from a performance i would never say no to something authentic and sad and real not that all things that are authentic are sad i get that happiness is also authentic but do you get what i mean i think even if i signed up to someone because i thought they were so aspirational and perfect them saying i would have been struggling i would never be mad about it i'd never think oh so self-indulgent of you i think yeah too right you're a human being of course you feel down sometimes what what did you thought i thought that you were perfect that's embarrassing god like you thought everyone here thought you never get sad that's embarrassing like of course you do i think i thought that people think we're gray

which we are we know the reality but it's just hard to accept i think we had a great um revelation the other day you said this actually and it was so stunning we were on the phone and we were talking i don't even know if you remember this but we were like remember that it's so good i do remember is it because i was drunk i got basically got drunk to numb the pain when i say it's getting bad like we phoned erin was kind of drunk calling me at like kind of 11 i was watching the walking dead i was like i won't say no to a phone call right now we were talking about jealousy this is what our drunk calls are about they're not about oh my god did you see that fucking that guy just like we're like so let's discuss the topic of jealousy

off air well i think it is it's important for us to talk about things and get on the same page without an audience just so we can get out yeah exactly and then deliver kind of refined polished shits on here yes exactly and also it's like we do have a friendship other than recording so we do just talk in life anyway and we're talking about jealousy and we were talking about i mean do you want to say your amazing point no no you say what you said that it's like it's not even jealousy that is toxic it's the shame around jealousy that makes it toxic because if you could just say to your friend i am jealous of you that in itself is not inherently toxic it's not destroying but what makes it worse that's a problem we can solve

we can unpack that yeah yeah it's so human it's so human what makes it problematic and what kills friendships and kills dynamics essentially it's when someone is feeling jealous and they don't say anything and they place shame and shame and shame upon themselves and it comes out in lashes and bites and like big old fucking crocodile's like you you did this and it's like that is actually what kills something rather than i'm feeling jealous of this thing that's just happened it's like okay well i felt jealous of you because of this thing and yeah let's just get to the other side of it you can talk and you can fix things it's so true so true if i do say so myself it's it's so clever and i think that is exactly

the problem with i mean we say it all the time miscommunication is the fucking apocalypse and we don't say that itself but we say that miscommunication is the fucking apocalypse and we don't say that itself but we say that miscommunication does not help communication is everything i reckon people like jealousy is just one thing like you can be jealous of someone and not realize that you're jealous because you're just feeling kind of a bit resentful and just down in yourself and you're just a bit angry and bitter and so if you actually took it this is why people need to take a second and actually take stock of their own feelings if you thought for a second like okay why am i feeling this way just interrogate that for literally two seconds you might come to the conclusion that it's because of jealousy and

then bring it up it's about refining your emotions and your feelings so if you think i was annoyed because that person copied my outfit or something like that okay so you were annoyed were you angry then you take it to the next level okay i was angry why was i angry because i wanted to wear that oh okay i was jealous like you can distill things further because i wanted to make sure that i was seen in it when i went to that thing and that guy that i know who's going to be there blah blah blah it always comes back to be honest to ego most of the problems that come up in relationships and come up with even loneliness fake friends all of this stuff that we're talking about today it does come down to our big fat egos that we just want to be perceived as the best we just want to be liked we just want to be the most liked but liked above

everybody else that kind of placed on a pedestal but then also you crave authenticity so you're kind of in this endless loop of wanting to be seen as the best, but also be wanting that real connection. And then it's like, you can't have, you can't have both. And you're never going to get it. Always pick the genuine. Yeah. But it's so true. You'll never feel the validation that you're looking for.

Remember that stunning affirmation. I've said this to you. I don't think I've said it. Yeah, it's gorgeous. I don't think I've said it on the podcast. Here it is. Take it away. Get your notebooks out.

Open the notes app in your phone and write this down. And say this to yourself every morning, which I we do anyway but just say it when i heard this it blew my mind blew my little nut off honestly so it goes and it blew my nut off and then i was listening to an affirmations track and i heard it yeah when i referred her to it and it came up i was like oh my god this is the one it's meant to be so you listening to this now is you you mean it you were meant to hear this okay watch me butcher it they say some may say a wise woman once said some woman on a youtube video once said everything that i desire from others i give to myself right now everything that i desire from others no you're butchering it. It's not that. It's everything that I once desired from others, I give to myself now.

Yes. Crucially now. Now. In this moment. Now, right now. In this instance. So it's like you once desired, okay, distill it down.

You once desired a boyfriend. Okay, so you desired connection. You desired a feeling of worthiness, love. Okay, so you give that to yourself now. Now. Now. Powerful. You once desired to be a what size six whatever okay so you felt you wanted to feel comfortable in your body you wanted to feel

affirmed you wanted to be desired okay desire yourself right now shivers it's life-changing everything you want all that validation you want from everyone else just give it to yourself now i'll give it to you message us i'll give it to you no get it no no don't get it from us get it from yourself but get it from yourself but it really breaks down all of that stuff of everything that you once desired think of what you would see in that mirror of erised what would you once have desired you're holding the quidditch world cup blah blah blah give it to yourself right now but also it's just it stops you wasting time don't you think it cuts the crap because you will never get what you desire from others ever ever no matter what you've got you will always want something more something

new something to something onto the next thing yeah until you just decide to give everything you need to yourself oh it, it's dying. I think affirmations are so powerful. Like they are so cringy. They are so dreadful when you're listening, when you're listening to these like YouTube fucking tracks. They're so cringe. If you can move past like the embarrassment of saying out loud, I am resourceful. I am like, if you can move past the absolute embarrassment and just hope that fucking no one ever hears you there is so much power in telling yourself positive things i think it is about rewiring your brain so true i was gonna say we normally do like a affirmation session before the podcast but we didn't today yeah we forgot we fucking sat and just like complained about

so many things oh my god probably why we're being so negative in this one because usually we even made a point when we were on the phone yesterday probably for the fifth time yeah we were like tomorrow before we record let's go through we'll do a round of gratefulness i think we even said three rounds of gratitude like if i am let's make sure we do a gratefulness well should we do it now then on air goodness gracious me gracious me. On air. Okay. Yeah, go on. We've done it before. You said your earrings last time. Oh yeah, we have done it before. Okay.

Let me get out my book. And you can do it with us. Let me think, let me think, let me think. Went for a really nice meal last night. It was very yummy food. Very nice. Very good. What did you eat? What did I eat?

It was kind of... Well, so I'm in Portugal. There isn't much to eat that's vegan. So this place has two vegan options that's very good there was tofu or like a vegan sausage and i weirdly went for the tofu which i would never really do um but it was really nice it was kind of like a sort of japanesey vibe i had a black bling black bling black spleen i had a black bean tofu the other day and it was really good yeah so good so good it's just nice when you've been eating kind of portuguese not that yummy food all the portuguese

listeners are crying elizabethan stuff is nice obviously i'm in the when i mean the middle of nowhere she's truly in the middle of nowhere yeah i mean i'm in the hills right now she's in midsummer and can i just explain i'm not here on my like my dad lives like i'm not just kind of in a tent this is also my family live here okay i'm grateful for i was gonna say one but i feel like i i felt like i needed to make mine better but i know go on you know actually i've got one i'm grateful for my dog yeah i'm grateful for your dog because as boring as it is to hear about other people's dogs, I do love my dog. So you have to hear about it. Sorry. And also just so nice, especially when I haven't been feeling well, it's so nice. Literally, he just wants to like cuddle me all day. You know

what I realised is quite sad though. I do this thing where, and I really did it the other day when I, when I was feeling quite bad. And we've said this before, when you're like hugging your dog or kind of your dog or like your pet, I'll cat too whatever your pet we'll do a big like a sigh and you kind of say back to them i know i know that's what i say to my dog the other day he did a big sign i went i know i know and i copped his face and i said you are my whole world and that was when i thought right i'm taking this too fucking far it's so embarrassing the stuff people say to their pets looked him in the eyes and you are my whole world and he said i don't even know your name i don't even know did you just say to me he's like get dressed put yourself together and get out of here you just give me food i don't have any feelings about you whatsoever so anyway that's my gratefulness that's why i love people's deluded relationships

with their animals and i have it too with my dog as well kind of a complete delusion project yeah complete projection of you are my whole world and that's how i 100 felt that with my cat quentin specifically you are my whole world um and he's thinking you're my third owner bitch like I've been rescued loads of times you're nothing to me you're a speck on my timeline oh my god he's like you call me Quentin when you got me your name was Snickers from the rescue centers but I've had many names here bitch stop projecting your love of Quentin Tarantino onto me I have evolved before you and I will evolve after you beyond your time. You are nothing to me.

So can you stop projecting your weird sort of Quentin Tarantino fetish onto a cat? I love it. I love it. I love it. Yeah. We also wanted to start a new thing, didn't we? Yeah. So I think this episode has told us all, all well it's definitely told me that we should really

be vocal about how you feel i feel and so i think in the with the tone the mood of loneliness shall we do a thing where we text someone that we were meaning to text send the message that you've been meaning to send reach out to the person that you haven't been good enough to etc etc don't you think i think so i think with this new season i think we want to start a bit more of an active thing like we're it's not enough to be listening to a podcast and just think yeah i'm improving myself but how are we actively doing that as in what are you gonna do you're gonna listen to an episode on loneliness then you're gonna go mope like no i don't think so no mope zone well sometimes mope no mopes nope to the mope that is the new saying we're saying nope to the mope guys that cuts through my heart as a

tried and tested moper as a self-proclaimed moper mope lifestyle the moper of moperville that kind of hurts but yeah i think if we're trying to live this fucking ice cream lifestyle this new era of sephian wing of just like living as ourselves expanding our worlds doing the most and learning we need to be more active so i think we're going to maybe try and we'll feed back next week i think at the end of the episodes we might start a bit of a thing yeah if anyone's still listening where we give you a little challenge do share it on instagram if you see it but should we both do a little challenge do share it on instagram if you see it but should we both do it ourselves as well that we need to text someone shotgun i'm texting you no it has to be someone and also big big preface this is not your opportunity to text

your ex that or some fucking guy that treated you badly yeah this is a chance to text someone that you've been meaning from your heart not from from your ego, from your heart to reach out to that you think that you're just thinking about them and you need to, you want to just say something to them. I think that's all fucking do it. I love that. We're building authentic relationships. Yeah. Yeah.

We're expanding ourselves. Isn't that nice? I don't even have any ideas of what I'm going to text. No, but I'm excited to find out. Not even text. You can email them. Email. That's quite good. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? mean like it can be a it's just a way of reaching out ring them you can do anything go and post a little note through the door message in a bottle anything

you want that's quite romantic i've got some ideas actually why don't you do that with me why don't you ever send me messages in a bottle kind of give a message to a pigeon and let it come to me world war two or world war one i don't know which one these pigeons let's do that let's all do that so if everyone's thinking now who they're gonna text no toxic people please i really am thinking as if it's homework also you lot can get away with it i have to come back next week with my answer oh what the fuck i'm gonna say we need we need receipts of what we've done also i'd love to see your receipts send them in or better still because we fucking love the promo put it on your story because that oh actually will the person see it and be like why have you put my text on the fucking story you did this for a podcast it's all about authenticity and then it

all comes back to social media curating your highlight reel don't put well you know they're like why did you share that on your story but what you can do actually is if you enjoyed this podcast please review it as usual and tell your friends so many of you say that you found us through your amazing friends and we've just been complaining about how lonely we are so definitely be a good friend pay on the favor and pass us on to someone who you think would love us or is kind of the empowered vibes. Send them our way. We'd love to meet them.

We truly would. We truly, or they would love to meet us, you know. I'm not keen to expand my circle too much further. They can have us. That'll be fine. I really, really hope you've liked this podcast. I hope you feel quite seen and heard. And I feel a bit seen and heard.

I feel a bit naked and exposed. Yeah, a bit exposed, actually. Yeah, well, I hope it pays off anyway. We're getting used to it. It's all good. We're getting used to just being a bit Kylie Jenner. So it's fine. Right, I need to get out of here before kind of I explode.

Okay. Well, you're in like severe pain, so you need to go to sleep. Okay, thanks guys thanks bye wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.