Goes Without Saying - anti-anxiety remedies & resilience: podmas #3

Episode Date: December 3, 2023

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We are bringing in a chaotic energy and I can't even hide it. My sister just came in. She's going to bring me a tea in a moment. We've got 20 minutes before we literally have to get ready to go to this event that we mentioned in the first episode that we have no fucking i like what am i wearing where am i going who am i what i don't like is the idea that i have to change over the trains because i'm like if i miss that connection i'll be late so we're gonna meet just a bit of admin between us just a bit of admin between us at six six ish but that's the last that's the last thing for us that's fine we'll just meet there and then we'll just take it slow oh that's the last that's the last thing for us that's fine we'll just meet there and then we'll just take it slow oh that's fine yeah but by the time it's stratford it's easy

breezy but is there something about making sure i'm on that train from brighton you have to be we've but so we've given ourselves one hour to get ready for the red carpet i'm leaving the house at four i don't know what i'm wearing me neither me neither look we just even if we end up in trackies it truly doesn't matter no it doesn't it actually doesn't but it might be the day that i meet taylor swift and taylor would not care what you're wearing no she wouldn't she would love me for who i am she'd love you for who you are so true okay on that note we might have an interruption in a moment from my sister because i just said make me a tea stand and also my airpods are dying i hope we're not making you guys feel anxious but i am incredibly anxious right now yeah no i yeah i'm definitely quite scared um yeah i agree it's travel traveling actually is really quite stressful it is actually i think timings and traveling and almost what i don't like is say you were here

right now and we were getting the train together i'd be happy as fucking larry i'd be taking a nap i'd be chilled out because i almost think it's a shared failure if we fail we fail together whereas if i fail to get that train on my own for whatever reason that's all on me but it's not it's actually on the bad weather there's a weather warning oh god sephie don't scare me because also we just looked and the rest of the trains are cancelled and it's because of the ice i want to make sure i can get the last train as well i don't want to get stuck no you're not gonna get stuck you're gonna get stranded no but i want to make sure i can get the last train home tonight yeah no that's what i'm concerned about as well timings shit i didn't really think about the train i thought about the train's home but i didn't

really think about it with the ice i think it'll early. I think we'll be leaving by like 10, half 10. Oh, I think my tea's here. Perfect. Just what the doctor ordered, honestly. Thanks. When my parents were splitting up. Do you want to say one word on the podcast? Yeah, Lizzie, say something. What's your sister called?

Who is she? Do you want to say what? This is your one chance. Yeah, go on. We're on air now. She's looking hesitant. She's going to say. Come on.

One word. This is your big shot not so easy now is it thanks for the tea bye lizzie bye am i allowed to say her name because i've said her name a few times is that okay that i said her name yeah that's fine okay good um what were we saying uh which one my ice it's really boring i think we'll leave by 10 half 10 i think it's gonna be an early night but i don't want to get too drunk yeah i'm getting up at the crack of dawn for the community cafe the next day you're such a leader in the community honestly and they're lucky to have you i really i love i love the community cafe but i've got to

open it well i've got to put all the cakes out so you know me though i on the other day i might swing by yeah yesterday actually this was yesterday i'd love it if you sw me though i on the other day i might swing by yeah yesterday actually this was yesterday i'd love it if you swung by i'm not swinging by tomorrow that's for sure i don't see another soul um yesterday before we had this christmasy event i had 25 cyclists all come in i had to serve them god you should have seen me i was running around it was so stressful that is stressful they all wanted decaf which is the most stressful thing to make i must say any baristas out there know that know the decaf problem why do they want decaf i don't know i think i don't know because they they were starting their cycle at the community cafe then they were going to go off and it's like surely you'd want the caffeine i don't

know that's interesting anyway those are some of the sites i see at the cafe at the cafe right what are we talking about here we're just going to reflect on the year, give everyone an opportunity to just calm down, okay? That sounds good. Guys, you're stressing us out. Shall we just take a leap out of our own book? Shall we all just do one deep breath now? That would be nice.

Okay, three, two, one. Hold hands even. And out. I peaked too soon. That's always what I fear with meditation. You know when you burst at the top and it's like, my lungs are going to snap in half yeah you also need to keep it under wraps it's like i don't want to make a scene here maybe we could just do one more i'm still bringing stress so just one more

yeah it didn't really help did it okay i do feel a bit better now we're right there behind you guys we're right there with you yeah that one you know what sometimes you forget in life it's like i can just breathe it's all about breathing sometimes i just forget to breathe like we're actual animals because i walk around why do i feel bad so you haven't had one breathing actually not very good at breathing no you would get very doing it for long enough i'm like hyperventilating for most of my day one panic attack from the beginning to the end of every day okay so how's your year been you know what it's been jam freaking packed i haven't

actually like just with where we're at right now yeah still very much at the beginning of podmas i feel like i haven't had a minute to like sit down and actually reflect on the year i feel like my end of year wind down has definitely not commenced well that's what podmas is all here that's what it's for so i'm sure we will be um winding really winding down together i mean it can only go down from here. We can't wind any more up. Please, down. We literally physically, I can't get any more wound up, actually.

Yeah, I'm wound up right now. I'm wound up. That's actually how I feel. To the nines. I feel really good about this year. I feel like it's been a really big year. I feel like I need to just work on, kind of like what we were saying, just when I'm in the stressful moments.

What are you laughing at? Oh, no, I wasn't laughing. I was just like listening alone. Just joyful. Just listening. Okay. Just look like there was something really hilarious going on. I think I need to, like we were saying,

like have the moments where it's like you actually just need to breathe. Like I do. I need to cut the hyperventilation sometimes. Like it's a bit, it's a little much. i need to just chill the fuck out it's a lot more and also like let myself be stressed without being like annoyed that i'm stressed and just turning it into a whole thing i feel like that is the key really to happiness yeah that's good we found that it's to not um not fight yourself like constantly being in battle with your own emotions and feelings of being like oh i feel sad i've got to find a way

to be happy again it's like actually just be fucking sad and you know what it passes it does stop fighting you actually it you realize it lasts 20 minutes and you can move on again and it will come again it will go again like that's actually just how it works i do like zooming out sometimes and almost like in the kind of um online tiktok culture i like i kind of like using that sort of um angle of like oh i'm seeing so much of the same thing all the time like i do feel like we are bombarded with lots of reminders that in so many ways we're living a really shared experience and i like using a little bit of that language of like i'm just a little girl going through some things and like it's fine to just be a silly little human on this

silly little planet and like you're finding meaning and maybe inflating meaning and things that don't need to be thought about too much and we can just take a second and like it makes sense for you to be finding this a little bit stressful and we can deal with that if anything it's expected it's you're doing well like yeah yeah it's going right on track for you to be struggling with your life like that is i think that's a good kind of the experience of life yeah to be struggling and kind of find a bit hard then have a good moment and you really enjoy then you find a bit stressful again that's it did you have anything that like shocked you about this year i think i surprises i feel like i've told kind of the story of my year my year is a really odd year like it wasn't really the plan like

if anything it's quite weird essentially it's kind of been a bit of a gap year in the middle of that's nothing like it's a nice way of doing it yeah that's kind of how i viewed it a little bit that i was in london so i went to uni i was in london for three so i went to uni with wing in brighton went to sussex then i went i was in london did a year in london liked it did another year in london liked it did another year in London liked it did another year in London liked it and then thought I'm actually a bit bored like I would like to weirdly go home which is not what I had on my agenda I've always resisted this town this life I've always been desperate to get out of this place so it was quite a shock to the system for me to be like I actually think I want to go home for a year and that's what I did and I was very very prepared for a lot of feelings

of regret of like you were on a you were in a great place you live with all your friends why would you come home why would you do that and I have felt those feelings I have felt a lot of like claustrophobia of this place and a lot of like oh what was this decision but actually I have had such a good year this year in terms of I have done so many different things. I've had experiences. I've had actually more freedom this year than I have had in those three years of London. Yeah. Put together, actually.

I've had so much fun. And I've also had so many moments of like, how I always view it with my family is like, even when it's hard, even when it's so stressful. I live in a very very intense stressful house i just do my living situation is not conventional in a lot of ways i have spoken about autism being at the forefront of my life a few times so like it's not a peaceful environment by any means but no time with my family is like wasted time even when it's hard all of the stuff every moment of it like i want as much of it as i can get even when it's exhausting but i also do need the time to live my life as well yeah definitely yeah everything yeah a little you know a little

bit of balance but this time coming home i actually have like really not fought the town and being like i'm not a part of this i'm not part of this i have been as i've been saying working in a community cafe yeah which was such a good decision because i think i was like i'm going a bit mad being here with no purpose it felt like they're just kind of being in my teenage room and like it's all kind of my teenage life as a podcaster as well so it's a bit of a joke yes it's completely um we were kind of talking about the other day of like it's a bit hannah montana it's kind of both worlds it's the best of both worlds but it's not it's kind of i break my back in the community cafe then i rock out then i rock out the show i cry for eight hours at home and then

i rock out the show it's a bit of a crazy life actually um it's just so contrast it's but it's always been contrasted like when i'd come home from uni and then go to uni yeah go to a party it would be contrasted then to come back here but yeah i've actually this has been the first time that i've actually like embraced my life here and actually i think i've needed it so much like i absolutely love the like it's it's it's a small existence in like a small town. I feel like that's the bit I've always thought of being like, that's not me. I don't want that.

But actually this year I feel like I've really needed it. And I've actually learned so much from it. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

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ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com We just had some some airport issues but we're back yes um maybe a nice place for an ad who knows who knows who knows what will happen um i was gonna say to you that i think the leaning into things even when they're difficult yeah is actually like a lesson that i think i'm in the middle of learning right now and it's kind of actually to tie us back over to podmas from last year we were talking about putting the way in what a great point famously everybody knows when you've got a tampon kind of half in you kind of think i'll just like put the tip in and it won't hurt as much thing is i don't know if people do think that you thought that as a kid i thought maybe people do i do i get the logic

yeah it's like if i put if i put this whole this whole thing isn't gonna work i'll just do the tip i'll just put like almost like it's okay if it just is oh god i know that feeling no no no the feeling is so bad when it's like it's not in right it hurts oh you put it all the way in there get it deep and that is the lesson that we had last year in podmas of like we feel great when we're checking in every day and we almost don't have a second to be like do they hate me i can't come back to that mic yeah that's so embarrassing blah blah um and i think it's a similar thing with like you being at home of like leaning fully in and embracing it even when it isn't like immediately it doesn't sound um like yeah grandpa joe let me

spring out of bed that sounds like amazing that's what i've always wanted in loads of ways until it was like and it kind of gets you out of the comfort zone as well of like having the security net of just being able to say i live in london i'm in london i'm around things are happening yeah pushing yourself out of the comfort zone not having a little narrative no because it forces you to create some fun and some meaning and like experience in life and i think that was the choice really i knew that i can either stay and have the the basically the approval of others of like yeah you're on the right track you have a neat little thing oh yeah she's living in London that's what

she's doing she has a podcast blah blah it wasn't written for me I don't think or it wasn't it felt like a step off the track to be like I'm moving back home and I'm now working in a community cafe still have the podcast still have all of things, but people are not necessarily happy with it, impressed by it. But I knew that it felt right for me. And I think that's been one of the amazing things. And I think we face those things where the label gets stripped from us so often. A big one that we both experienced was when you lose the title of student. It hits you like a ton of brick.

That one still hits. I'm no longer a student. Yeah, that still kind of guts me out. You can't say it at kind of your grandma's party. Oh, I am a still hits i'm no longer a student you can't say it kind of your grandma's party oh i am a student i'm a student everyone's happy suddenly it's working really really really hard i haven't been to a lecture in three weeks i'm working really really and suddenly it's like i'm a podcaster and everyone's confused oh yeah that's not gonna land like a ton of fucking bricks and honestly i don't blame them i don't blame the

thing so confused but it also means i'm confused but that i think that's the lesson and that's what i was kind of meaning with the emotion thing at the beginning of like just leaning into like um yeah i feel sad right now and actually feeling that like in your belly feeling like oh i feel really angry right now i'm being like okay i'm really angry like can i live my life but with this anger it's like yeah i can probably go to the shop still feeling angry that's fine like can i eat my dinner feeling a bit sad yeah i think i can't like actually getting on with your life giving it time and like feeling the thing and not just trying to push it away and hide it and like get to something safe i.e happiness or a nice label whatever it is that gives you that feeling of comfort and safety outside of the comfort zone

is genuinely where things where it actually just starts to get good i think there's a few things because there's something about it being in the unknown of like you can put things on your vision board all you like but the reality of the things that you're going to get to experience some of your favorite experiences are going to be so intricate and like unexpected that you couldn't even begin to fathom yeah finding the right picture on pinterest to represent what that is like you actually don't know the amazing things that are coming your way and there's an uncertainty in that that's like required for you to live through in order to get there and also i think like what you're saying the idea of like resilience like knowing that yeah it's going to be unpleasant if i go to the shop and i'm still fucking angry but like that's not a write-off like you can still do it

you can get through it just because it's going to be unpleasant yeah just because it's not ideal doesn't mean you can't do it and i think trying to remember all of the times that you've got yourself through something that really wasn't ideal and it really was unpleasant but like you made it through that you lived through it and you came out the other side because I think sometimes it's easy to forget like how resilient you've been like you've actually put yourself through and like live through some challenging stuff not just you I think everyone yeah I'm sure can relate in some way although I would say you too um I would like a second just to highlight you and your resilience always I'll highlight you right back I think it's oh thank you so much I think it's really important

to remember like oh I'm actually really capable of doing that and almost the fear of something being really hard makes you feel like shut it down avoid or like i can't do that no no no and fight it but accepting that you're strong enough to get through that piece of piss guys we've got this we've got this merry cruxmas that is that is no that actually is the crux the crux is well you're resilient you can handle it so what's the big deal that's definitely the lesson of the year if i'm gonna put the 2023 stamp of the crux stamp on it it is just like feel it don't hide from it go into it actually experience it it's not that bad you've got it all the way and funny enough same lesson

yes i was still learning but it's true it's like okay your period isn't ideal but get that tampon all the way in there party on your period you can it might not be as nice but you can still do it you've got this and this episode is sponsored by guys you can go to the party on your period guys you can on your period you can go on your period guys you can go surfing on your period guys if you only use let's go um cool merry merry christmas ho ho ho you filthy animals sending love please send it back please we need it right i'm gonna see you in strapped for didn't like a few minutes see you soon episode hopefully i see taylor swift let's yeah let's get this cross fingers fingers crossed

okay because that will really brighten up my spirits that'll be. Yeah, let's go. Fingers crossed. Okay, because that will really brighten up my spirits. Oh, wow. That'll be good. Right, okay, let's go. Bye. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. We'll be right back.