Goes Without Saying - anti-anxiety reset routines: what doesn't kill you makes you unstable

Episode Date: March 26, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Here's a show that we recommend. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.
Starting point is 00:00:49 The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. And this is such a wholesome episode about how to live in the present moment
Starting point is 00:01:21 and not be kind of riddled with anxiety and worry and overthinking and overthinking and replaying the embarrassing thing you did in year nine in the present moment and not be kind of riddled with anxiety and worry and overthinking and overthinking and replaying the embarrassing thing you did in year nine in the science lesson this is just all about how to put your phone down maybe live in your actual life on this planet with your fellow human beings and it's very very wholesome i'm loving it so enjoy we're back back again look at us go back for more greedy girls right on time back for seconds they can't get enough of us i can't wait should we start this one do you think oh i don't know how are you feeling just in life um i'm feeling quite good i i think this morning i felt quite fragile like yeah, I felt quite like, didn't get that much sleep.
Starting point is 00:02:06 I almost felt quite like, oh, am I going to, is it going to be a gust of wind day? Like something could happen and you're going to be in tears. But actually, either nothing has happened or the mood has flipped around. Because I haven't been in floods of tears. The sleep is crazy, isn't it? Like, it really does impact. Massively. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Your whole day. Which is weird because i always kind of sleep quite well like i'm quite a good sleeper yeah um so it's making me really empathize with you thank you because i know you don't sleep well yeah and it's hard it is bad when it's bad it's bad it's really it's hard not to let something like that throw your whole day as well it's very physical yeah it's almost like being hungry for the whole day yeah you're gonna feel shit being tired for the whole day like god fucking shit definitely i hate it i know almost what i don't like about it is like you look at the clock it's 3 a.m and it's like right so now until like midnight tomorrow or tonight i'm having a i've decided it's a shit day like until i go to
Starting point is 00:03:00 bed that's i'm gonna be miserable it's horrible it's not my i hate the thing of you're lying there and it's getting light and it's like you're losing the hours that your precious hours well you know what what i'm thinking at the moment i was saying to you earlier i feel like i have said this on the podcast but i can't remember my old therapist was talking about um when she can't sleep yeah she has this thing where she pictures the night sky as like a piece of like silk or like satin, the night sky with all the stars. And then she goes from left to right,
Starting point is 00:03:32 like she's steaming it, like ironing out the creases. Left to right, slowly like working out all the creases. Oh God, it's honestly so nice. Down and then up and down and up and down, like at each corner of the night sky is just like smoothing over. And I thought that was nice, but I i also it kind of links in with i guess the topic of the episode which is like being present in the moment because at the moment when i wake up in the night which
Starting point is 00:03:56 i'm really i'm my sleeping and i would even say insomnia is not as bad it is insomnia as it has been yeah it's insomnia it's not good when i talk about your run there yeah i say like oh yeah my friend wing like she has insomnia i don't know if i've said that to your face but you do no but it's true behind my back yeah no you're so right because they were honestly like looking back and i'm sure like i'm not like healed my healing of insomnia like but like looking like in see moments where i'm like jesus i think i didn't sleep for like months i think it was like if i text you at like nine in the morning saying morning i always think what a joke because she's probably been up since like four yeah and i'm
Starting point is 00:04:36 like morning at like 11 it's not good is it but anyway my new thing that i'm really trying so hard to do in my self-love era is i'm being serious saying it like a joke just to cover my back but i'm also being deadly serious like don't cringe too much but also i meant it um is that when i'm if i wake up just i'm trying to carry it throughout my life but if i wake up in the night i'm trying to really get into the oh it's so cozy and like think of all the good things think of what i'm happy about like just try and get a bit zen and be like i'm in a bed i've said this before on the podcast and it's so overwhelmingly wholesome but it's like i'm in my bed like i can hear my dog and my boyfriend like
Starting point is 00:05:15 breathing next to me like it's so peaceful it's stunning like i'm so like i'm the luckiest girl in the world i'm lucky girl she's a lucky girl she's deleted i'm the luckiest girl in the world i'm lucky girl she's a lucky girl she's deleted i'm the luckiest girl in the world and i'm trying to kind of take the pressure out of it i've been like shit it's getting light you need to sleep you need to sleep like the day is getting closer you need to sleep and just being like you know what it's just in the night and that's all it is you're up in the middle of the night big deal yeah it's just it's just another bit of your life it's just it's almost like it's just another bit of my life it's not this is the time i should be asleep it's like exactly it's like take the pressure off you're just a human being who couldn't sleep i love that because i think yeah also in
Starting point is 00:05:49 the night when you wake up for some reason the brain is a devil and there's a little demon in there it's not letting you sleep peacefully devilish it wants to go through it's got like an agenda of like bad things to go through it does it's like item one have an agenda yeah it's bad that thing you did in year 10 awful inexcusable have you thought about this to worry about like oh my god how do you sleep at night oh you can't it's so bad like the mind is crazy the crazy thing at night i always have a podcast or like i do my like um meditation sort of thing when i wake up in the night i do like a sleep meditation because it's like i just need another voice not my voice in my head going around shut this girl up yeah definitely well okay that's what we do when we're trying to sleep yeah in life i think we're both we kind of
Starting point is 00:06:36 get in cycles of being like i just need to i almost think we're kind of the types of people where sometimes we'll be together i'll be like i need to get into a dark room or like i need to just sit down with a tea or like i need to get some fresh air like we i think are quite like just get in the shower like rinse everything off quite sensory we're very sensory and just need a refresh like almost every 20 minutes close that close that hour yeah on to the next one like what am i doing now like i need a fresh start i need i need january 1st bring monday back around i think going outside is a huge one getting in the shower is a huge one is there something about just tapping into like the human nature and like something i keep saying at the moment is like unfortunately guys like despite your best efforts and all the things
Starting point is 00:07:21 you want to achieve and all the ways you feel like your mind and your soul means more than just this you are just human and like you will be held to human capacity like there is only so much you can do like you will have to go through shitty emotions like some things are just part and parcel of the human experience having a shower and going outside and those sorts of things just like cut straight through yeah and bring like the humanity back to a situation where you've been doing something really inhumane like torturing yourself in the middle of the night or scrolling on your phone or just getting a bit lost in your head it's essentially self-harm in loads of ways it's just like in loads of the ways that you just hurt yourself in life just do a painful thing i'm just gonna search through an instagram profile that i definitely should not be
Starting point is 00:08:05 looking at yeah and we are quite good at finding habits that feel comfortable in the moment but really destructive maybe long term and i think well i'm speaking for myself i'm saying we but i mean i and raise your hand i if you agree i also think we're good at finding those shitty habits like picking up little things like that along the way and not so good at finding and like implementing ways that make us feel all right in the short term and help us out in the long term as well definitely and they don't have to be big things yeah no i think it has to be small things really like yeah there's only so many things you can do in every situation run a marathon yeah no it's like oh well i just to feel better need to fucking win x factor sorry not gonna fucking happen every day leona lewis yeah yeah leona lewis like i always think
Starting point is 00:08:57 it has to be small things i used to have a real sort of coping mechanism that i would this is even before i started like having yoga as a part of my life but i used if i was feeling really anxious um do like a warrior two pose and people know this pose i'm sure they do i would just go into like a public toilet and do that and there's something about it like i think there are like it's like must be that's funny insane also quite a huge pose to do like you need your legs are spread like your arms are you're problematic you're clogging the disabled toilets oh for sure you can't do that because you're not doing that in a little mcdonald's cubicle no for sure but like almost if i needed
Starting point is 00:09:35 it to feel a bit like powerful for a moment that like there's i remember my my friend's mum telling me that like women before like big business meetings do this like power pose and it's like a sort of superhero pose which is like a really common women do it like kind of girl boss energy women do this yeah yeah women do this and i kind of probably forgot the pose and thought it's probably warrior too so that feels a bit powerful and much more powerful than just hands on hips oh it's so much more powerful you're a warrior and i still do i did it the other day i was really nervous for something um and i was like fuck i'm doing my little warrior pose like that really does it's like it's actually like a coping mechanism it
Starting point is 00:10:13 actually changes like because in the way that's like deep breathing slows down your down your heart rate and then it's like your body kind of thinks that it's at peace or whatever like i do think standing in a different way when you're anxious or nervous or any of these things or not being present it's like yeah your fucking shoulders are fucking hunched over you fucking look like shit like you're kind of in a ball like you're a mess you're crippling yourself like you no wonder then you're like why do i feel anxious like wait how am i fucking standing i'm like really not in my body and i think so much of like getting out of the
Starting point is 00:10:46 mind is why get having a shower going for a walk all these things eating something so you need to get in your body so i do think like things like yoga if you can't do fucking yoga for 10 minutes because sometimes you have 10 minutes it's like go into the fucking public toilet do a little pose and actually that's really helped me and also like kind of something we said before but like the silliness of that also kind of cuts through like the shit and like the noise in your head that feels so serious and like yeah um dark and depressing it's like actually you can just be in a public toilet you can just be in a shit smeared loo honestly doing a yoga pose yeah yeah you can do that are there any little things that help you like that so many things but also i think the thing that is so funny about it's kind of what
Starting point is 00:11:33 i was saying earlier about being human it's like when we say all of these things it just it feels so silly yeah and like they feel like such small and sometimes mundane things like have a shower it's like um in primary school being given like a wet towel and like go and get some fresh air and you'll be on your way like exactly a little blue paper towel and be done with it like that was so you wanted to be so patronizing as if i couldn't do that you just need some fresh air yeah like those sorts of things it feels yeah it feels so small and silly but i think that's kind of the point for me anyway is like taking myself out of like the severity of like how big a problem
Starting point is 00:12:11 might feel in my head i'm just gonna park that for a moment this like five year plan that suddenly i feel like i need to work on in the next 10 minutes yeah i'm gonna park that i'm gonna spend five minutes eating some soup that'd be nice sounds great or like yeah just poke my head out the window get some fresh air yeah do you know if you can't bring yourself to go outside like on a song i'd like just put on a song and just be so stupid and silly and like yeah almost irrelevant because i think when you're in that moment for me anyway when you're feeling really in your head and like oh my god you've been spiraling just we know just in the bad place you're in the pits it feels really irrelevant to be like getting the shower it's like are you taking the piss you think i'm you think i'm gonna fucking
Starting point is 00:12:54 get in the show like what even is that like no and i'm so resistant and i think part of that is the kind of desire in me to fight my humanity of like but i'm more than just a human like those things can't work on me actually they really do they work on everyone unfortunately all those stupid things about drinking water and getting fresh air and exercising like moving your body eating something you like like all of those dumb things that we think we're too big for we're not too big for unfortunately this is the hilarious thing it's almost like a plant not thinking it's a plant or a plant trying to like it's like you know you need water it's like a plant you know it needs sunlight water and is that what a plant needs sunlight and
Starting point is 00:13:35 water and even your friends it's like if you haven't watered it it's like look it's gonna fucking die it's like you you need yeah it would be you need a lot more than what a plant needs photosynthesis photosynthesis we what a plant needs photosynthesis we all know it exactly photosynthesis we all know all about plants you need a lot more than that you need social interaction you need food you need water you need all the fucking shit and also because you are like we're not just sort of um basic humans living in like quite a basic little world we've got fucking crazy shit you also need crazy things like you need validation you need like kind of good clothes to wear like all of this shit to feel valid it's like yeah it's complex it's a complex world now you don't just need food you don't need just like a
Starting point is 00:14:14 bit of bread you need something that tastes nice and like i just kind of want a bit of like want a bit of syrup on that like also no so true cover everything in syrup i cover everything in syrup i think as well like isn't it so easy when you look at your friends and like your friend is like going through something or like someone you work with is like really struggling on a brief or something's not going right for someone else you can so easily see like just take yourself out of it give yourself a moment let's sit down have a cup of tea like yeah put your eyes on something else like get back to fresh eyes when you come back to it it will be okay sort of thing for other people we can see it so clearly but for some reason a bunch of pick me's over here we seem to think we're someone special yeah we're the exception but we're not
Starting point is 00:15:01 you keep saying at the moment i think it's so stunning and it it can't it's do you know what i'm annoyed at how much it's not hitting me and i want it to hit me because it's great because you know it's real you keep saying like you're only human we're only human all of this stuff and i still think i have the thing in my head of like but i'm the exception like i'm kind of the plant that doesn't want to be a plant it's like yeah but i i i don't need that like i i do have all these things to stress about like trust me like these things do matter like blah blah blah or just like i just feel shit i just feel shit and it's fine i can just it's like no but you feel bad like you feel like that's you know it's almost a thing of like people always say it like just
Starting point is 00:15:38 feel the emotions and i think i have something in me and i'm sure so many people have this as well where it's like i don't want to feel it like i yeah i hate it feels so simple i hate the feeling of being sad i fucking despise it like you know what's a bad one being ill oh it's awful so dumb to say this they are so bad and like someone's never been like guys i hate being sad guys i like i like being happy but i actually really i also think a lot of people don't hate being sad a lot of people quite comfortable in being sad which you know is a whole thing but like being sad i don't want to feel it so the easy thing to do is be like i'll just distract myself and i'll just brush it under like i'll just do a whole thing but with your whole thing of like you're just human like kind of just like feel shit for a bit i feel like i i i can't do it yet i really struggle with just like feelings that
Starting point is 00:16:30 i want to fix it instantly i want to like get my resolution and just be like but i could be happy if i just do this one thing and then i try and do it and it doesn't like it's like just feel like fucking shit for a bit what's the worst that's gonna happen if you feel shit for a day or a week when however long you just feel shit for that long but for some reason it feels so deep i cannot feel shit it's like you can though you can it's also when you're you're so zoomed in like like almost like there's a huge there's a 5 000 piece puzzle and you're looking at one of the pieces what is this what is the image what the fuck is this i hate it it's like but zoom out and it's like i think
Starting point is 00:17:06 what's your favorite thing i was gonna say a donut it's like a huge donut and it's like god you thought you hated this one thing yeah but you were just like but it's the part of the bigger thing it's like on the grand scheme of your life and then even broader in the grand scheme of humanity and existence on earth to be so hung up on something you saw on your phone last night or you saw on someone else's phone last night oh that's the killer that would be the killer yeah it's not good you that is so consuming and it's really hard to break that spell it's really it kind of does feel like breaking a spell and once you do the perspective is everything you zoom out and see the bigger picture of life that like you are just kind of irrelevant yeah which is the best thing to be the best thing to be it really is the best
Starting point is 00:17:50 thing you can be because it's also the only truth like it's just like then your life is yours if you're irrelevant or if you are the truth of it which is like a tiny thing on a on another tiny thing that we think is a big thing i.e the planet going around another tiny thing which is the sun which we think is a big thing like it's actually like god we're so small which means that you're fucking free yeah you don't have to do anything then like you don't do anything that you don't like you do have to do loads of shit you don't want to do but it's like you're free from the judgment then because you don't judge a speck of dust on a tiny little rock in the garden you probably don't really judge other humans as much as you judge yourself no way fuck no no way definitely not and also like what are you doing
Starting point is 00:18:31 over there um i am just moving a bit of dust off my fluffy little sock it's like a little like oh it's like a bubble like you were brushing your hair oh no it's like a little bobble on my sock but also i'm gonna text my brother and say shut the fuck up also i would love to ask i would love to delve into your mind if you wouldn't mind um like how many times it's kind of a rhetorical question but also i invite you to explore it with me how many times in your life have you been so overwhelmingly devastatingly disappointed in something happening in yourself even like so excruciatingly pained by something you were in in that moment and now you can't even really access that pain oh my god even if you try oh my god i love that so much like i've been thinking a lot about um kind of romantic relationships recently.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever.
Starting point is 00:20:08 I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com
Starting point is 00:20:36 I've been thinking about it. Yeah? It's something that's relevant in a few ways okay and I was thinking just because there's been some points recently where I've been like I've been thinking about like all the times I've been kind of like upset about like a romantic thing like not going to my specific plan of it and now they're just people that I once knew. Like, I once, like, cried over you. Like, I'll, like, see someone on Instagram and it's like, God, I cried over you. Like, I was devastated that you replied saying, like, okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:21:14 And you didn't ask me a question. Like, it's ridiculous. Like, it's actually ridiculous. Like, when I actually, I try and, sometimes I've tried to think of it. Like, I always think it's really healthy to try and put it in perspective like when you are in the depths of basically romantic desire and your brain is literally mush, like you are making irrational, so you're coming to rational conclusions in there. Yeah. It's really helpful to think of like when you've thought of that in the past and now what you think of them and it's like god you've cried over blah blah blah like it's and that's embarrassing like it's kind of
Starting point is 00:21:50 like um it's convenient that you're doing the same thing with this guy that you're convinced is like it's gonna be this this and this and blah blah blah when you know you did it this time and this time and this time and now you feel very differently and i do not to invalidate your emotions in the moment but just to give you some perspective like yeah feelings are very fleeting and that's why perspective goes and i think that's why it's useful to have i don't know to allow yourself to like properly feel it in each of the things because you then you have context for like how deluded the brain can go when when it's um yeah when it's liking someone i think what like we'll spare you the details guys but take my word for
Starting point is 00:22:31 it the brain gets quite delusional in our experience yeah in yeah 100 it's not to be trusted and i think like no the amount of times people have like written over the years about like i mean i can't even remember i'm sure there's like a million kind of shakespearean quotes about like you're dumb as fuck when you like someone like you're fucking dumb as shit like you will romanticize the scrap of all scraps and i'm not saying anyone's a scrap at all that i am interested in but like i have in the past been able to romanticize the scrappiest of people and i'm sure we all have because they fit into a certain narrative that you have you've managed to you've managed to cast them as the perfect part in that you've written in your story of your life and it's a dangerous
Starting point is 00:23:17 game but i think looking back on the like devastation i've felt over ridiculous things that i look back on now it allows me to like see that the devastation that i would be feeling over like literally the most ridiculous smaller irrelevant yeah it's like and also and it goes across like not even just people but like romanticizing a job opportunity and suddenly picturing your life in a whole new way where you envisioned yourself to live exactly yeah nothing there are so many things almost like the potential of things then when they don't go your way it's really valid to be in the moment and be feeling a certain way about that but that's the thing that's really hard you've got through it every time before but that's i really i really dislike the emotion of sadness yeah and of
Starting point is 00:24:06 rejection and of anything that even stinks a whiff of rejection it's not even a rejection but it only is reminiscent of a rejection what's your response in that moment like realistically like what's your ideal response that you think is a good thing to do when you start feeling bad and what is the reality of what you do say you've got a text that you don't like a text because i feel like that is so much of the dating experience it's over the fucking phone which is absolutely bizarre say you get a text from someone that you didn't think was caring enough or like they didn't they didn't follow your script essentially they didn't send the text properly yeah they didn't say they didn't they didn't send it right they didn't do whatever you were expecting they didn't do it yeah put the phone down go away from the phone step on first step
Starting point is 00:24:51 is put the phone down okay read read it once read it twice check write your list check it twice put the phone down get out of the room maybe get outside talk to someone i would say distract like i think the worst thing you can do is keep going back and back over it analyze the grammar unpack unpack unpack unpack and then the bit that i fall down on is i then the bad impulse would be i want to fix it like i would want to go in and text and be like what did you mean like and and basically get them to be like oh shit no sorry that was an accident i actually meant i'm in love with you you're perfect blah blah blah of course yeah i want to get my um my answers but say they come back and say they don't say that then it just becomes apparent that it's
Starting point is 00:25:35 not going to go your way for example i don't know what i do with that i get i think i just you're then you're in the upset bit which i don't't like being in. That's the bit that's shit. And I don't know what the answer for that is. I think it's just for me. I have to be around my friends at that point. Well, it's kind of, you're doing the question of like being lost and spiralling and then trying to get yourself back into the present moment.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Yeah. Versus feeling shit, not wanting to feel shit and like resisting. I think I have a massive resistance it's just like get me in a mild shitness thing is i do think getting out and like not spiraling over and over and over in your head is a good thing yeah but pushing away an emotion that to be honest is inevitable like you're going to i'm valid you're going to feel it yeah it's totally valid and also like there's no way around it can't go over it can't go under it no you gotta go fucking right through it it's not looking good you gotta go right through that you
Starting point is 00:26:29 really do like there is no way like whether you put it off for a week and you kind of like busy yourself through it you're gonna fucking feel at some point i think you're better off just fucking feeling it but i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it well it's also kind of the thing of like how would you react to any other human but let's say a human that you care about just because i think if a stranger if it was a stranger you might not care you might be like fuck off i don't have time for this but say it's a human that you care about comes to you and says oh my god like i've been reading this text it's made me feel really shit i really like this person i feel a little bit rejected or like
Starting point is 00:27:03 unwanted by this person like i i feel sad like i think that's kind of what i've been trying to do at the moment with like especially in terms of like romantic things but also like in terms of everything i've been really trying to like almost have the zoom out of like the pain that you're feeling in yourself or like the emotions you're feeling you're in yourself and being like oh my god and running riot with it but almost writing like just in my mind one sentence that describes it it's like you're a girl that's 26 years old who just blah blah blah blah blah um and now you're feeling however way about it it's like oh okay like that makes perfect fucking sense that i can get behind yeah yeah basically it's just me clinging to narrative in every way it's like yeah it's
Starting point is 00:27:45 almost like how would i write the movie tagline of how i'm feeling right now in a world with a girl who's 26 she's yeah she has a podcast she's just she's got blonde hair to be honest a film you'd probably want to go and see yeah all of us it's like oh right okay so it's not that bad it's like i'm doing the first scene if i'm waking up at four in the morning and i can't sleep that's just the first scene in the movie that's just before the montage kicks in like it's dramatic opening i couldn't get either tiger is playing in the background i don't need to thrive every moment to be the star like for it to make sense like it's okay it like truly is okay to feel shit like it is just really unpleasant i think that's the the bit that it's just really fucking unpleasant but doesn't it's not evil or anything like that
Starting point is 00:28:32 do you think you worry more about just in terms of like being present in the in the right now in the here and now are you more focused in life do you think like when you get in your head do you think more about the past or and things that have gone wrong in the past and things like that or the future future might go wrong future i think i really think about like unless i'm thinking of like a cringe like oh god that literally like sends shivers down my spine why did i say that what did i do that i think i worry about the future more than i worry about the past yeah i think i worry about like i think i'm more of an anxious worrier than like an overthinker of like past things i think i'm always prepping for doom and disaster and just like fair enough yeah and like because i can see why yeah literally also like because i like
Starting point is 00:29:20 the way that things have worked out or i'm pretty happy with I was actually thinking this other day I'm really happy with like all my decisions like almost if if I was to look at the course of my life obviously there are some small things that I would do differently in all of this stuff but I intriguing overall like just small things like I shouldn't have said that you fucking idiot or like shouldn't have like why would you do that yeah but like really when I look back it's like I actually can stand by all of my decisions i think so but then i think in the future it's like oh but what if things don't work out like oh my god like what if i did like how am i gonna fuck this up like whatever like or just like nothing is gonna work out for me kind of thing just the ridiculous mindset but actually that's when i have the whole i mean we we've said it time and
Starting point is 00:30:06 time again in this podcast time and time again it brings me so much like comfort just to do the whole like i relinquish all control and trust the timing of life quote because it's like you do trust the way it's worked out every year that goes by you're still confident in who you are and the decisions you've made and actually like in a deep way or like in the most internal way confident in the way you fucking do things like you know who you are and you know how you fucking do things if you just keep doing that really anything that's in your control hopefully you will understand why you've done it and be able to stand by it in fucking five years time hopefully and accepting that yeah but part of that is going to be um like almost that includes all the mistakes and the
Starting point is 00:30:49 shitty things and all and you're gonna be unbearable at times annoying embarrassing cringe stupid all the things just like dumb but like that's not the point like that's not i don't want to live the neat like i really don't want to live the neat life where it all like i don't like also like all the things that have happened in the past it's not like everything's gone to plan everything's very much straight from the plan so now i don't have a plan like i don't i'm not into like i'm not really into like making a big plan of my life because i know that that's not where it that's not where any of the fun is do you worry more about the past or the future or the present um it's hard to say i think i was gonna i was i've been thinking something while you were speaking i was thinking you're really erring so close to this thing that i was gonna
Starting point is 00:31:34 say and i was like do i save it for another episode because i honestly feel like we could frame a whole episode around it but it's really shifted my perspective on things people have probably heard it all before and like it's not gonna hit but it really hit me so this is for you harry if it hits it hits basically the idea of like if however however this came to be it came to you in a dream if you came to know the knowledge for example 52 rejections 52 things go wrong before your dream thing happens so you have everything you could ever want in the 53rd go but you have 52 no's up until that point i how much does that liberate let's get a black mirror episode on this then we start going out looking for rejection and putting ourselves out there and having fun and trying new things because we know that it's going
Starting point is 00:32:28 to go right even if we fail well we'll still get closer to the 53rd thing which is where my dreams are amazing i fucking love that you need to write a movie on that like that's iconic isn't it it's just almost like yeah hand me my fucking piece of paper that tells me my numbers like i want my definitely it's like could be could be thousands of no's but it's like well suddenly getting rejected and getting the no's and like they become excited yeah it becomes like you see the opportunity and it becomes that cliche thing of like one door closed another one opens like you'll go on the right all of those fucking annoying things yeah honestly i've seen it just change your life over the course of the five seconds like i love i saw it go through it's good isn't it yeah that's that makes it fun and you know it does it makes it so fun like yeah that makes it a fun thing it's like
Starting point is 00:33:15 little do you know that what's waiting for you after all these shit things also what's quite funny and kind of cool about it is there is a number you don't know what the number is but there is one like that kind of is true like there is a number of times things go wrong for you until things go right and also like then things go wrong again and things go right like exactly there's so many amazing like oh god it's actually so cool when we stop looking at life so binary it's like i'm just working towards getting this thing that i want it's actually so cool when we stop looking at life so binary as like i'm just working towards getting this thing that i want it's like actually like there's a whole fucking you it's the fucking cheesiest quote of all time it's the journey not the destination it's like then you once you get
Starting point is 00:33:56 the thing on your 53rd go you see that it's not even about the thing it was about all the things it was about all the other shit on the 17th on the 20th it's that though yeah no you're so right how positive can we get i know it's a bit insane actually i don't quite recognize myself well that was nice that was really nice what a little honestly i think that's kind of the crux though. It's just like, if we can remind you guys, it's not that deep. Like you're going to be okay. You've done it before. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:31 You're going to be all right. It truly isn't that deep. Like when you think we're just little bits of dust on a tiny little rock. Well, on that note, if you don't hear from us, assume the worst.

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