Goes Without Saying - anxiety & overthinking: PS, your friends don't hate you

Episode Date: July 20, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on resenting your friends, overthinking at night, communication styles, and periods. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my goodness. Back again, back for more. Back again. Feels good to be back. Back for second helpings. Honestly, more and more and more. So, what we talked about today, let's get right into the topic so we don't accidentally talk about bowel buns for a whole thing. Yeah, we're talking about overthinking. This originally in the notes was called anxiety and overthinking, PS your friends don't hate you. Which I do think is an important message. Same, I could always do with the reminder in fact. We often have it I think, where like if we haven't spoken for a while, we're like, wait, do you hate me?

Yeah, even if we have spoken, I feel like I always say, I'm sorry, I'm being really annoying sort of thing. And the answer is always, you're really not. Like, it really is crazy how quickly the mind jumps from like love to hate. Like it's not really a medium ground. It's like we often have it from the worst thing and I feel like it's so disorientating when you have a dream where your friend wronged you in that dream or hates you in the dream or whatever and you wake up it's like I had a dream where

you hate me. And remember guys this is pure scientific fact if you tell someone about the dream that you had on a Friday night and you tell it on the Saturday it will come true so just bear that in mind. I hate when you say that. But it is true. Because I always tell you my dream and you're like it's a Saturday you idiot. Like I send you a long voice note about my dream and then you're like, you moron.

It's like fucking hell I can't keep trucking these days. I'm really indulging in the story and I'm like, shh shh, zip it. Horrible. And it gets worse and worse throughout the voice note. Honestly. Honestly stop. Awful. I had a really awful dream.

I had that actually. I told you about this. It wasn't about you. Oh yeah. Thank god. Absolutely awful dream. I wouldn't want to be the face of this so i'm so glad it wasn't me. no you're not because it would be a huge betrayal. oh god. it actually

wouldn't because basically. well because it didn't happen. exactly. but yeah. does anyone know the house of the dragon? house of the dragon. i've heard of it. anyone aware of this show? it's a little underground show you know. uh-huh. house of the dragon? It's a little underground show, you know? House of the Dragon. There's a guy in it who's called the King. He's called Eggon Targaryen. There's an actor that plays him who's very, very hot. And his name is? Tom Glyn Carney.

Yeah, of course you know it. Hot as fuck. Like, just, there's something about him, wow. She's in. Wow. There's just a charisma. You know what you're giving right now in this moment? Who? It's very Olivia Kirk

Me you see Queen. Yeah, look at yourself in the thing. Can you see yourself? Yeah, I can There's something about the your eyes and the hair and the mosquito bite on my cheek. Just not seeing the mosquito But you're looking just very beautiful. Thank you so much. Yeah, but that does make you his mom Yeah, she does make you his mum. Yeah she does play his mother but you know she's probably like two years difference between them. As is he. Well he's just got some some serious charisma that I'm seeing in the videos and I'm just thinking wow. I'm seeing in the videos. I had a dream so no one really knew of this crush other than Wink so I can't really blame my dream my dreams for this. Yeah. It's not the other people's fault. I had dreamed that someone I know, one of my friends, went on a summer camp and he

was there and she came back and was like oh my god there's this really cute guy, oh my god blah blah blah and I was like I can't believe you didn't invite me, I love him, he's so hot blah blah blah. She would be there though with him. I can see that world overlapping. She would know him. Yeah. And it's not a serious crush. it's not like an intense crush but it's just like the one of the moment. yes. and that's why it hurts. i woke up.. i was in portugal at the time and i woke up and i immediately went to my phone to be like i can't believe it. like are you joking? and then i realised oh my god it's not real. you dreamt that. thank god for that. it's like the amount that um.. the dreams are crazy.

dreams are crazy but the mind is.. i don't know about you guys but my mind is not safe. absolutely not. especially at night. it's actually crazy in here. oh do you think? i think my mind is especially.. late night overthinking you are. late night overthinking you are. But we were really onto something, if anyone doesn't know, that was the name of our first episode. No, no, we were, pretty stares. And we started with a bang because that is so fucking true. So true.

But the mind is not so fattening. I like it. You up? That's when mine is most mental. No, it's not. I mean, I actually was up in the night last night. Oh God. So my boyfriend's not here, he's away for work.

Just for the Amsterdam I heard. In Amsterdam, yes. Living it up. Living it up last night and tonight which means that Ozzy is gonna be... he just always goes so hyper defensive when my boyfriend's not here. Like he thinks, he's like right and I'm the man of the house now and you're under my watch and... Oh my god that's probably why he's like that to me then. Cause it's like no one- Yeah, no, definitely, definitely. Yeah, yeah, you're under my, my house, my rules.

He's like, you do what I say. He's very, he just gets hyper alert when my boyfriend's not here at night. So like any little noise, it's just so scary to be woken up that pitch black room and then like a little dog barking Yeah, I just at darkness. It's got me a few times I must be on it. It is scary. Wake up at four in the morning and he's barking like at the wall. Yeah

And it's like what is it Ozzie Doogle? What are you seeing? But it is nothing and I also I do feel I'm gonna touch wood But I do feel safe here just knowing that I'm not in this building on my own also i do feel i'm gonna touch wood but i do feel safe here just knowing that i'm not in this building on my own exactly so jan was like this is a very densely populated area so i feel aware that it's like above and below above below to the left to the right everywhere i look there's people which is really nice um not ideal when you're trying to record a podcast and there's like drilling going on in the middle of the day or whatever you know god knows but for a general day today, for my night sleep i feel good. but yeah, ozzy got me up last night and then i was up. but i feel like i'm intrigued to hear that your mind is the worst at night.

by miles. come on. god it's not a sane place. like i just feel like my mind is at its absolute weirdest. for example why am i thinking about fucking summer camp with tom glaser carney there? that is absolutely mad. unhinged. and genuinely feeling like anger, my friend that's done nothing wrong. that is crazy. i feel like my mind is at its absolute weirdest at about three in the morning. you've woken up, you can't sleep, now it's four. you've woken up, you can't sleep, now it's four, okay, any thought you have from now on is void. It doesn't count, it's mental. It is void, and it's enter at your own risk. And the only thing you can do, I feel like you've got two options, you can either get up and go to the toilet, refresh, have a glass of water, start again, or you can do a meditation

or something like that. You actually need to, you cannot let those spirals continue. It's absolute nonsense in the mind. I actually find it really hard. There is something so, it gets really meta and really difficult when you know that you are operating through the lens of anxious, unhinged fear. But it's so hard to get outside of that. Even though you know you're in it, it's obviously impossible to see through because you wash over your whole life. Everything is then- Everything's shit. Yeah, everything's shit. Everything's in a dangerous position of you- it's kind of Da of Daenerys, it's like don't test me, I will burn this place to the ground.

To the ground. And it won't take much to push me there. The gods flipped a coin when I was born. Honestly. And here I am, mad king. So terrifying. Mad king. I am the mad king. Oh my god. Catch me at 3am. I actually am the mad king. I'm the mad king. I think I'm the mad king in my waking life. In your waking life what? You're the mad king? I think a bit, yeah. I mean we can all go there like for sure. I've definitely wanted to burn cities. I really have, yeah I have.

When I'm on my period, don't ask me. Oh god. I mean that's really when- or just before. Yeah no, that's when I'm at risk. Are you nearly- when is your period? Yeah, I've got like 10 days I think. I think I'm similar. I saw a thing the other day, it was of this guy, it was like a couple, I'm assuming like a married couple, and they, in their home, I'm assuming their home, he had put like a sticker or like a

What's that called a magnet on fridge? It was like a menstrual cycle Circular like kind of round I was like a rotor Yeah, like a rotor and then it had like a little magnet that came with it that you place every day like you move it Oh my god, I love that. It's a bit What's her name Molly Weasley's clock that rotates? It's like where are they? It's like yeah she's unhinged right now do not approach. I do need that though she's extra hungry so maybe buy her some food. Well that's the main one for me. Keep the cupboard stocked. But someone commented saying whose cycle is this regular hahaha and I was gonna obviously wasn't gonna reply but in

my head I was replying me. My cycle is that regular. Wait that's really interesting because also surely you can adapt it if it isn't regular. Yeah well it just says day one, day two, day three or whatever blah blah blah so I guess traditionally. Oh and then it goes up to 28. It does go up to 28 yeah. So yeah that is obviously a bit dumb. But you could just hold it there for like it was numbered I guess it didn't need to be numbered. Yeah you could just hold it there for... Like it was numbered. I guess it didn't need to be numbered. Yeah, you can just hold it up to 28. Yeah, just stay there.

Just teetering on the edge. Which that's the worst bit for me. When I'm a day off and I'm waiting, it is that limbo for me of like, I am so on the brink of something so disastrous. Of burning cities. Like I am on the precipice of something so disastrous. Of burning cities. Yeah, like I am on the precipice of something extremely dangerous and I need everybody to evacuate immediately. Like cannot be trusted, very, very,

oh God, not a good place to be in my mind on the 28th day of my cycle. To be honest, the whole time is precarious. There's probably about, I don't know, like when you're ovulating it's supposed to be a good time. It's sometimes not. It's sometimes actually quite horrible. Like I get really angry and sometimes quite sad. Like it is not, or I sometimes feel like when I ovulate that I feel like I'm on that 28th day. It really is a clean cut of like this is when you're thriving and this is when you're flopping.

It's like the whole thing is just like chaos. It is. Like, I've been thinking about periods a little bit recently because, um, I have family members that are like just about to, their like puberty is like a new thing to them. Okay. Like young kids in my life sort of thing. Yeah. And I have been thinking about like, God periods are, they're so underplayed.

When it first gets told to you, okay so you're gonna have this thing called a period, all women have them, just you bleed for this amount of time in the month, it's just like a thing, all women have them. I remember being like, okay you just kind of take it in, like okay that's a thing. I'm glad I didn't know what an ordeal it would be at that young age at like 11. They definitely go in with the undersell. I feel like. They really sort of just tell you it. It's like no, your life is going to change forever. You will be dealing with a hell of a lot of blood and pain. Fire and blood. You're going to be dealing with really horrible gross and painful things

now like there are these things called tampons and there's also a thing maybe the pin like all of this shit like obviously you get let in gently but it's not this little thing it's fucking huge and I just feel like it's such a big thing for little girls to be taking in I don't know when you came on your period but like I know for both of us it was very young. Yeah you were a child. It was just like God or like now looking at these kids that I know it's like yeah Jesus Christ you... God everything is about to change in like quite a dramatic way and I really feel like as a society we underplay it. When you say that it really makes me think of when Hermione is like everything's gonna change now isn't it and they're like yeah and it's like oh no oh my god i was quoting that the other day

my little sister where it's like um she really loves the bit where she's like right every day won't you and everyone's like i won't you know i won't oh guys i love you guys so cute yeah it is harrowing it is harrowing actually to think about it is everything's gonna change now serious it's not serious Cedric is dead and everything no my king my king honestly king let's take a moment for him my boy my boy my whole life is just a moment for Cedric Diggory everything I do you might not read that from me guys but just everything I do just know from here on out it's all for him. it's for Cedric. that was for Cedric. this one goes out to Cedric. truly

though. yeah no everything I do is for that guy. that's weird. my boy. everything I do is for that guy. has his baby been born yet? yeah! has it? yeah. congrats to them both. congrats. congratulations. congrats to her really I mean she's done what a million women wanted to do. yeah she came and she conquered for sure. she did she's done it well done. good for her. had to go to someone the prize and she's got it. had to go to someone. she just had to go to someone. okay so anxious thoughts your friends hating you. look everything can be solved like we said earlier. the um consistency, the alarming rate that sephie and i will be like am i being weird? sorry i'm being really annoying or like oh that's really annoying me or like oh like blah blah blah blah. the amount that we do that just to cover our backs is very very potentially alarming but I think really important and I think that's in me and you yeah but I think the more people can do that it takes the like severity and the it takes all of the shit out of it becomes really casual of just being like I'm feeling a bit like shit

is everything okay? Yes, great, now I can move on with my life. You have to. But it's really hard I think for people to do that and to get to that place as well. It is really hard, also you have to be in the habit of doing it, otherwise it feels jarring. Say we got out of the habit of doing that,

then I'm suddenly like, great, have I annoyed you and done that? It's suddenly a bit like like wait what? Like no. Well because you convince yourself you can't say it because the anxiety is louder than almost the reality of the situation which is you're just a person feeling a bit of shit sometimes. Which is so normal. Also we've really learned that the more, the quicker you say it and like the more often you are like sorry for this or did that annoy you, wait was that a thing, oh my god I did, by the way just to clarify when I said that I didn't mean

that. It's everything. It really is everything and like in quite a real way it's quite like make or break. I feel like you really need to be honest with yourself because resentment can, oh my god it's the dirtiest most underground thing I've ever experienced. And it is the thing that happens at night, it's the thing that happens in the dark and by quickly being like oh my god wait when I just said that was that weird or like blah blah blah is that okay? It just turns the light on everything and it cuts the train that you're about to get

on which is gonna take you through a long and winding route it cuts the train that you're about to get on which is gonna take you through a long and winding route of all the ways that you might have fucked up and wait one way ticket to let's say it the pier it is a one-way ticket to the pits don't get on that train i warn you heed my words do not board that fucking train it does not go anywhere it's not taking you anywhere nice trust me no just quickly before you get on the train be like just turn back and be like are you annoyed with me and they'll say no or they might say yeah when you said blah blah blah you sound like an arsehole and then you can say oh my god it didn't mean like that I'm so sorry and then it's over and it really

wasn't that big of a deal and the anxiety and like the stress and the narratives around it that also they only come from... If you don't have time to do that, they don't happen. If you don't have time to get anxious about it, you won't be anxious about it. Which is why getting in quick and just immediately alleviating, honestly yourself and others, from the stress of it, is just so good. It's actually like life hack. It really is actually a life hack. It's like so good. It's actually like life hack. It really is actually life hack. It's like, oh wait, all this stuff

you thought you couldn't talk about, you actually can and that's like the only way. You can and should. To keep stuff going. Yeah. Like also, we always say this on the podcast, like I really think like mistakes are. Inevitable.

To be expected, they are inevitable, like they are good and like to for someone to be like wait Did were you being like Aggie with me when you said that thing and you be like, yeah, I was actually I was just being a little Bitch. Yeah, that is fine. I actually like that Much room I have so so so like Abundance of room for people to be like, yeah, I was just being a cunt then I'm so sorry Yeah, and it's like yeah, no, that's fine. There's no alternative. There's no way around it a room for people to be like, yeah I was just being a cunt then, I'm so sorry. And it's like, yeah no, that's fine.

Because there's no alternative, there's no way around it. If you think little miss, that you're gonna go through your life being perfect and not ever like being a bit of a dick or saying something wrong or like coming up with something in your head or taking something blah blah blah blah, yeah you're mistaken and you're wasting your own time you're creating something much more you're making it so much more shit for yourself and others.

and if there's anything I can guarantee to you harry to everyone to me and wing everyone harry I speak to sed. sedrick. yeah mullet over in the hot water. sedrick rules potter stinks. say it again. potter stinks. potter stinks.

I told them not to wear the badges. oh baby. so kind. kind boy. but if there's anything i can um guarantee to you harry is that you will feel insecure. yes. you will um jab at your friends. you will um mess up. you will sort of be a bit spiteful sometimes. you will do all of these things and that actually is okay as long as you can then admit it and be sorry and be like oh my god i'm so sorry like admit it even to yourself. it makes it so much more normal. i do think that is one of the huge things. it makes it so much less deep. like it's so normal to just be like god i've been a bit of a bitch today or like that's everything. i'm being a bit of a dick. Or like, god, I'm feeling really anxious and it's making me snap. Or like, I'm feeling really overwhelmed and it's making me really

sensitive or whatever. It's encouraged. Yeah, that is so, um, that's best case scenario. Normal. Yeah. It's the only way, in fact. It is actually normal. The thing that makes it then takes it into a horrible thing is that then- When you take it on your own.

You've snapped at your friends a load of times. Yeah. No one's said anything. They've come away from it being like god every time i see them they snap at me, and they've come away from it being like god i can't sleep snapping at this person, it's because they've done- like as soon as you have the conversation it cuts through the entire thing. yeah. yeah. and it's like oh yeah someone snapped at me, i didn't like it, i snapped at them back, oh we're all sorry. it's just when you interrupt the thought, that thought is running a marathon and you need to beat it to the finish line because by the time it wins that race you are fucked. Just stop, there's loads of thoughts running away from you, just quickly get ahead of them

and be like was that blah blah blah, is this okay? Yep yep, solved, done. And now everything's fine, I can deal with that. It's all the shit that runs away from you like in the darkness of being unsaid when it goes without saying That's when it gets murky. I don't yeah is that was the thing I really learned like that was not The way that friendships were done any relationship I think like I feel like I've really had to learn that and make like a conscious decision to Be the one constantly bringing things to light and like being like should we have the conversation about that and people like

Well, like one of my friends is always like who you're so friends with is famously a brush She's like I brush things under the carpet. Yeah, I am fame like it's like her thing She's like I do not like the way you do it. I would rather brush it. But I know that that is not productive. It's worse! It's not even not productive. It makes everything hurt more. I actually can't live like that. It's horrible! It makes me- I literally cannot live my life walking on eggshells. And like that is definitely how I felt growing up, watching my parents in their loveless, sexless marriage. And now I don't want this loveless, sexless life. That is my one thing that it's like, when you... I learnt that life was about not

communicating how you feel and like, everyone just hates each other and we just shut up about it and we just get on with it and whatever, blah blah blah. I cannot and will not live like that. Because I think the thing is, when you think you're brushing, what you're actually doing is underlining it. You're making it more powerful. You think you're sweeping it away but you're not. You're actually boosting it up and you're kind of zhuzhing its hair up a little bit. You're getting it ready for the spotlight. Get a little bit lippy on. Yeah, it's not going anyway. It's gussying up. Zimz 3. Gussying up. You're getting it ready for centre stage. Gussying up. Zhuzh, zhuzh. Gussying up. I never understood that. But you're not, you think

you're sweeping it under the rug. You fool. This rug is not big enough. You fool. And now it's so much... look what we've done. We've created a monster. Yeah. Gussy up. Gussy up? I never... that was always the one that I was like... Go steady. Go steady confusing. We're talking about The Sims 2 here. Yeah that's taken aback. And also one that confused me. Goose. Yeah play Goose. You click the word Goose and you pinch their butt. Yeah cute. Goose. I would always be like what is Goose? Because like right I'm gonna goose you right now. Pinch your butt. Like what sorry. I'm gonna goose you. Go steady is a really weird one. It's quite scary. Good old sims 2. well look the good news is your friends don't hate you the bad news is you are unhinged. and that's true and so are they and so are

they and so are they. yeah we all are. everyone's nuts and everyone is okay to be nuts. the good news is it's all in your head. the bad news is it's all in your head. that's so true. but just because it's all in your head harry doesn't mean it's not real i think he says it's all in your head. But just because it's all in your head Harry doesn't mean it's not real? Yeah. I think he says. Yeah it is. That's what he says. What does he say? They're at the station. It's when he's like yeah. Just because it's all happening in your head Harry. Doesn't mean it's not real. He's like. Doesn't mean it's not real? Yeah maybe I don't know. He's like I really thought I would have outgrown your riddles by now. He's like, why am I still here? Even on my deathbed.

Yeah, literally. You are dead. There's like weird being under revenge. So nuts. Like what is going on here? Okay. Summer, summer, summer, summer. Summer, summer.

That was nice. At one point I want to sing the full song. Maybe at the end let's sing the full- What time is it? What time is it? Summer, summer, time. Okay, cool. That's something to look forward to.

Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah. I can't wait.