Goes Without Saying - anxiety vs intuition: your divine feminine enemy

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

is it your divine intuition, or is it just anxiety? from bizarre coincidences to undeniable red flags, sephy & wing are back for another stunning episode of Goes Without Saying. is it possible to distinguish fear from gut feelings? can we ever fully trust ourselves? we've been trying to solve the problem of anxiety vs intuition for years, so it's finally time to show our findings. spoiler: we still don't know the answer. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram! you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/zuPH7gyeGp Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com God, great big yawn from Sefi there. Right, goes without saying, we are back. Thank God for another episode of Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I am Wing, joined by the one and only, incredible, stunning, done before seffy hi i'm seffy

living up to the name um and today we're talking about intuition and anxiety if we can tell the difference between the two if we should even bother who knows we are completely not cut out for this conversation um and you are about to listen to a whole whirlwind of bizarre nonsense so thank you so much i can't wait stay tuned hope you're having a wonderful wonderful day wherever you are can't wait to hear from you see you around send us a postcard hey i feel really nervous god we start with a lot of like nervous energy every time is it anxiety or is it intuition honestly what is that thing pitter patter pitter patter honestly my heart is going pitter patter

pitter patter okay how do i begin i'm literally my hands are shaking i don't think i can begin i mean we couldn't be more relaxed i mean wings literally horizontal she's lying down in bed recording this literally lying down that is honestly purely me lying down in bed but my hands are shaking like so relaxed snuggled in a blanket but i'm shitting myself we first had this conversation if you wouldn't mind me taking us back a couple years um in the university of sussex library when sephian wing it was operating under a whole different name. This is like four rebrands in the past. We really thought we were onto something like we really weren't.

It was like, no, you're going to need to change that name. Oh, we really thought we did something. That name that you think you love now will change infinitely until you settle on Sephian Wing, goes without saying. So insane. on sephian wing goes about saying so insane and we would do that quite often in the way that we would feel like we could answer like a big universal question in a kind of five minute lunch break like yeah what is anxiety versus intuition oh i've got just the thing answer put it out there do you want to go get a tea and we can solve that in the queue and by the time our teas are ready to drink we'll have the answers honestly in between writing like our

dissertations we'd be like right it was mental should we just take a quick break and figure out some of life's problems and post them on our tiny little instagram i don't know what our feelings were then but i know we're gonna have a pretty interesting i think discussion around anxiety and intuition now just because i feel like there's so much anxiety very little intuition I'd like to think there's so much intuition yeah um well how are you feeling these days can you feel us in I feel like just catch us up on what's new with you what's new with me well I mean I feel like there's a lot of house talk going on on this podcast at the moment because turns out I mean the world just wanted to throw our houses in the bin you've just had some great news about your house though i hope so i hope so i i hope so that's all i'll say is just if you

could do me the kindness of keeping me and your well wishes just hope so with me maybe just like throw some if you're handing out well wishes i wouldn't mind some yeah i wouldn't mind some wouldn't mind some but yeah you're in a good situation do you think i feel like i'm in quite a shit situation but maybe that is just just like we might get evicted honestly delusional best friend over here someone's getting evicted and i'm like i feel like you're in a great situation this is so exciting i don't know where i'm gonna be living in a few months but it's all fine it's just basically we've got oh maybe i'll just tell this i've got a fucking psycho neighbor you know what

i think you should tell this just so we've got some sort of hard evidence just in case god forbid anything happens to you some record for when he inevitably breaks in so basically i live in i live in 221 at this street um i live in like a it's we live above someone else so it's like a maze in there does that sound shit it kind of is shit no it's god guys it's stunning it is well we might be evicted so it's stunning no more so basically we're a very quiet house there's four of us well not even right let me start from the beginning we're not even that made it sound like we're fucking boars we are the we are okay so down below in in house on the floor ground there is a man a crazy man with his kind of silent girlfriend who i hear him slagging off and screaming at every night whenever she's out the house i hear him have parties and he's

um like oh she's got no fucking friends anyway he's he's south african but that was australian wait let me get into the accent kind of escape from pretoria you're daniel radcliffe yeah i'm gonna channel my inner daniel radcliffe so basically she's like her friends hate her anyway um she's bad in bed says crazy shit like this when she's out the house so i'm just listening here like this man he doesn't know that he's got the seffy from seffy and wing living just above him taking notes and exposing him on the pod listening to his every word mess with the wrong podcaster and one day i'm gonna go to his girlfriend and you've got to break up with this guy um he's absolutely crazy they're probably in their like 40s and i hear them

they have the craziest parties in covid times just saying um where outside there are people shouting foreskin foreskin and it's just like what is going on but I just laugh at it because it's funny I just think that's funny they've called us cunts through the floorboards they once came to our door 4am said I can and the woman came up and said I can hear you fucking pissing it's like well I can't pee any quieter can't do that any quieter i love it well it's not her that's the problem well yeah but i think he probably sent her around that time oh absolutely every saturday night they played the song saturday night you're making them sound quite great to be honest they're sounding quite funny at this point they're

crazy they just shout up stuff they're mental um but i do quite like bear in mind okay so basically they're really loud we're really quiet they went to our estate agents and said please could you get the carpets redone because we can hear them fucking pissing and we can hear them every movement their light switch is going off they're nuts so we're having to move out for a load of days um so we can have these floors redone which we don't really give a shit about anyway just for this crazy man just so he doesn't break in and beat us up in the night he's been pretty aggressive hey he's been crazy but yeah but now they're just like right we might just evict you because it's cheaper okay cool so it's all going well cool all for this maniac man but yeah

so it's not really going that well but it's fine um well sorry for bringing it up really saturday night i don't know what i thought i was doing there but we just want the updates you know we want it we want to extend our well wishes to you we want to just you know it's fine i think i'm in the in the thing where you know when it's almost like so much is going wrong that nothing's going wrong uh-huh all areas of my life right now seem to be kind of crumbling before my very eyes so i'm just kind of like cool let it crumble yeah how the cookie crumbles you know just sit back relax yeah honestly stunning how's your anxiety and your intuition been recently um i would say anxiety one intuition nil what about you um yeah same here really i don't i don't really know about intuition these days i think you can i can

see intuition in with us in hindsight that's the thing which is useless absolutely exactly yeah but i can be like ah that was intuition right well so interesting how story on my end there was this this is still up in the air so let's not get attached to everybody so found this stunning stunning perfect place sent pictures to sephie i was like this is perfect she was like this is perfect i was like it is perfect everything is perfect for my special day however the whole time all i was saying to seffy all i was saying to everyone was like i just feel like i'm not gonna get it like we're not gonna get it like somebody's just gonna they're gonna choose somebody else over us like it's just not gonna work etc etc cut to we didn't get it And that's where the story ends. Saw this beautiful plan A,

wanted it so bad. And because I wanted it so bad, I was like, it's unrealistic for us. It's never going to work for me. Like, they're going to choose somebody else. Like, it's just, it's just going to fall through. It's not going to happen. Found this, this plan B just came out of nowhere. Like, don't even remember booking the viewing. just got a call saying like just to confirm your viewing later at 3 p.m and i was like all right i'll go hadn't even seen pics when it was great really impressed they said they've had loads of people apply for it so i was like right well we're not gonna get it then applied anyway five minutes later they were like yeah they want you you're in so i was like oh my god okay so we were in on that one still had the hopes of our plan a my dream stunning location beautiful oh just so stunning we were like let's just sign on to this plan b and then plan a will get back to us whatever like we know that you know it's

worked out plan a got back to us we didn't get it very disappointed sad faces all around commiserations all around ice cream lifestyle nowhere to be seen but it's fine i came to a place of acceptance i had a picture of my boyfriend standing outside of that house and the other night i deleted it because the dream was dead the dream was dead let it die honestly what is dead may never die or whatever the silly game of thrones thing is but just let it die like i don't even want to see it anymore i just want to get excited for this new place etc um literally deleted that picture the next day my boyfriend gets a call saying hi the people who had signed on to your plan a have no longer gone through with it the situation has changed are you still up for it because we want you yes yes a million times yes yes yes a

million times yes over so now that's happening so we're back in and i just seph and i keep saying it's the classic thing of you come to a place of acceptance or you want something you want something you're desperado sitting in our monte carlo it's not gonna happen the minute you accept you know what i'm fine without it i'm happy it's all good it's gonna come right to you the universe is like all right here you go then go on then i was like okay no calm down a bit you can have it it's kind of a naughty child it's like well once you fucking calm down time out calm down and then you can get it literally but when you're in this state you're not having it mate but i knew at the time my anxiety was running right i kept saying like i

all i'm putting out into the universe, if that's what we're doing, all I'm putting out there is like fear and desperation and just, it's not going to happen. Yeah. And like, I need this house or nothing will go right. I need it, I need it, need it. I know I'm going to,

I know they're going to choose someone else. I know they're going to choose someone else. Yeah. And they did choose somebody else. But I still, part of me felt like, oh, that's weird. Like I did think it was kind of meant to be though yeah yeah and then it circled back around so hey i mean still might get rejected a second time who

knows it's so fucking true that it is the second you accept oh i'm actually okay without this that things just fall into place which is the hardest thing to do because we were just saying as well that it's like you know you know when you're giving out desperation vibes desperate vibes desperation desperado vibes yeah you know when you know, when you're giving out desperation vibes, desperate vibes, desperation, desperado vibes. Yeah. You know, when you're doing it, but you literally can't stop. Not you. One, cannot stop.

It's like, oh my God, I literally cannot stop giving out just like absolute fear and desperation. I can't stop it, hey. Honestly, like what is wrong with me? But literally though. Yeah. It's crazy, isn't it? It's like when I've made up my mind that I need something and I've fixated on that as the thing I'm dependent on for happiness, I'm clinging on with all my might.

You're already convinced you're not going to get it. Yeah. Like you're desperate, desperate for it while simultaneously being like, but I know I'm not going to get it. I know that's just not going to happen for me. Yeah. It's like, well, there we go then.

You've just sealed your fate in those very words. So there we go, hey? the battle of anxiety and intuition continues so one of the themes that i saw in the answers when we asked what's the difference between intuition and anxiety there was a lot of like discourse i'll say around like the head and the heart you can identify them by your your intuition is from the heart but your anxiety is from the head which part of me agrees with because i really do like the thing of like follow your heart follow your heart and i do think the head is like a complete mess a lot of times but there was also quite a lot of conversation between like a push and a pull the anxiety feels like a push but intuition feels like a pull oh okay i like that which i love yeah that's

interesting who said that god someone that said that was pippi eats if you are familiar with pippi eats oh lovely so everyone go and follow pippi eats she makes amazing noodles what the chance is it sounded like i was it sounded like you sent me like you said yeah that really sucks who said that well it just so happens it's a huge chef i didn't think i was actually gonna get an answer we would love to go to one of her noodle events in manchester just done a pop-up i believe how crazy that's great though pushing a pull okay so can you explain that to me if only pippi was here oh now it sounds like she's coming i actually have her on the phone yeah um p, so what do you think about this pushing and pulling thing?

Well, I feel like what I'm understanding that as is that it's like almost just the idea of ease. That it's intuition feels like things are pulling towards you. Like universal energies pulling at the strings of you being like, come over here. Like little whispers from the universe. Whereas anxiety is like, no, this isn't for you. Fucking shove out the window. Or you're getting pulled away from something. Anxiety has a lot of fear and almost like a violence to it and intuition is like this easy breezy like things will pull you in certain directions and it's almost more like you feel like

you're following a path rather than getting rejected from certain things that weren't for you i love that my fear with the conversation of anxiety versus intuition is almost the the classic kind of too much navel gazing gets you nowhere type situation in in the way of like we're getting a bit too meta about something it's almost like if we had never pulled into question what is anxiety and what is intuition and how can you tell the difference then you wouldn't have spent so much time thinking about it but almost the more you think about it do we just drive ourselves do we get scared of ourselves because yeah we asked on the story do you trust yourself and let me actually get out the stat i thought this was really interesting that you asked this because i didn't know what question you were going to ask but this

has been a big theme yeah well for me recently that i've been talking about to you which i guess we'll get into but 32 of people no, they don't trust themselves. And I do, in part, feel like this kind of conversation will only fuel that. So feel free to close this app at any time because... Do you think it fuels the not trusting of yourself? Because I feel like it helps me trust myself more. Well, I think it absolutely can help.

I think that's the aim, is that it helps you get to know yourself better and we can like maybe more accurately like decipher between the two. I think that's really important. But I also think, I think for a lot of people, it brings out a discomfort of, oh shit, well, I don't know the difference. You know, I couldn't tell. I didn't know what was anxiety and what was... I could never, I didn't know that.

Fuck. Well, now I don't know who to trust and it polarizes them exactly it makes it seem like there's this binary this is purely anxiety this is purely intuition but actually there is a mix and also like the scary thing about anxiety is is that it like camouflages itself as intuition exactly you can easily confuse your anxiety for intuition and your intuition for anxiety well it's kind of um every voice in your head is very easily disguising itself as you a voice in your head but it's one of them is kind of a really horrible mean old critic of yourself one of them is a sweet little baby who didn't do anything right yeah there's a million versions of you like there's a million

iterations of you living in your head some of them are louder than the others and i just feel like i don't know is is like disconnecting them and like trying to unpack them i think it can be a dangerous soul game we're playing here hey i agree i think it's important to know when you're operating out of anxiety and intuition but maybe that there aren't these two like giant forces although i kind of think there are these forces that are pulling you in certain directions and that are fucking with you well some people just won't believe in intuition at all yeah yeah yeah well because it has like um a fake quality to it some people don't believe in anxiety i guess yes so fucking true welcome to our parents generation yeah how many people said they didn't trust themselves it was 32 percent of people trusted themselves or didn't trust themselves don't trust themselves it was 32 percent of people trusted

themselves or didn't trust themselves don't trust themselves it's quite a lot it is a lot that is in our ranks what's your thing with trust at the moment can you can you tell us a bit about that or not really yeah yeah no i'll get into it with that though i feel like um it depends what day you catch someone on as well of like um like it kind of yeah i trust myself on the monday by the thursday oh boy boy boy no uh-huh like it just depends definitely um but no i'm having a bit of a thing with like trust at the moment isn't trust of myself because i and i actually think it i don't know i think like in terms of so basically i spoke ages ago on the podcast about like potentially being autistic

and i do think there's like a big thing with trusting myself in that, that it's like if the way I perceive the world is different, I'm being confirmed that it's different from everyone that I speak to. There's an element of like, well, okay, so what I see is wrong then. And I think also just feeding into that is that I had a therapy session a couple weeks ago now that was kind of confirmed to me. I know this sounds dumb but because I've been saying on the podcast for ages I have body dysmorphia but it confirmed it's like no I do actually it's not that I think I'd been viewing it as like oh I'm a fat person

that can't accept being fat but I think I realized the other day that it's like oh no I'm not that I'm actually the way I see myself is inaccurate the way that I I actually have a I have a dysmorphic view of stuff so I think I'm having this whole thing at the moment where it's like my perception of things the perception my perception of the world and my perception of conversations my perception of myself and my own body is inaccurate so it's sort of like well okay well so I'm being told that I'm dysmorphic in like a few ways so how can I trust myself then if I know that my thing is inaccurate my view is inaccurate, like what?

Like what do I do from there then? What now? Yeah. So like, okay, so it's hard to be like, oh, I trust myself. It's like, well, no, I actually really, really like, I'm quite distrustful of myself. Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense. It makes perfect, perfect sense. But also I think we were saying the other day and you said a really important thing about just because your perception is different doesn't mean that it's wrong that's what i have a hard time seeing and obviously with this more like with your body dysmorphia that's you know different but i think in life and if we're going to talk about your autism i think you're right in saying that it doesn't mean your perception is wrong it doesn't mean that you got it wrong or it's not right

it can just be different um but i completely it's hard because as well all of those things will feed into one another well i think that's just because they're just two big things that i'm kind of like right okay body dysmorphia it's like yeah okay i want to get to the bottom of that solve that i can't live my life with this forever and i have been living my whole teenage adult life with it but autism it's like well there's not it's not a solving thing it's not a solving thing it's it's kind of learning to live with the fact that for the rest of my life and for and my whole life today people are gonna be like you've got a unique perception but it's like yeah but that kind of means a wrong perception like it kind of means a distorted wrong yeah it's like i'm not stupid

yeah it's like i know people saying it's different i know what you're saying like the whole thing is like different it's like i know people are saying different but what they actually mean is wrong like i know that's not it that's not almost the pc thing to say about oh no whatever you're different kind of right yeah it's just hard isn't it because at what point does autism end and you begin do you know i mean how can i say oh i like this bit of you and that's your autism do you know i mean like that's just silly yeah but it's not like you're just yeah it's not like you're just like this oh my god such a flawed person like where are my good characteristics do you know i mean well you obviously are flawed but there's a million amazing things about you

goes without saying okay honestly let's name them no but it's true but i think that those two things just talking about like trust trust of yourself it's hard to be like so i completely relate to the whatever 30 something percent of people that like no i don't really trust myself because it's hard to trust yourself in a world where you're kind of being told you're just a bit shifted like your perception your perception is shifted or like oh no like how you've been viewing your body for the last um 15 years is like fundamentally not even like a wrong perception it's like no it's wrong it's like inaccurate it's wrong it's like well what's going on in here then it's a mess do you think though that having you've definitely got

more like you've got more of a grasp now at least on not trusting yourself now you identify okay there are lots of ways that i don't trust myself from a few years ago i feel like you had the feeling of not trusting yourself but you didn't necessarily articulate that have the reasons yeah totally totally totally there'd be so many things where i would get so upset of like there was one that happened speaking of the library sussex library there was one that happened that i um my friend like really fancied this boy are we in year eight oh the library like this boy and we had like a code name for him and i was like oh yeah because of blah blah blah said his name and they

were like shut up that code name's like so obvious like people are listening and i was like what the hell like no one's around we're using a code like no one can hear i got really upset because i wasn't really understanding why they were so triggered by it they were like stop like you're you're gonna fuck this up and i was like how how am i gonna fuck it up i'm using a really clever code name and i got so upset well i got upset because i'd upset them and it was like i made it all about me but i was really i think confused for ages of like but yeah i don't know it was just an example of like yeah the way i'm seeing this there's a whole group of people that are telling me stop stop and i'm like how yeah i wasn't getting it and loudly by the way in a library quietest place quiet quiet place um a quiet place a quiet place too yeah um but i think that then it takes me two

seconds to step out of it oh god yeah okay actually how would i feel if blah blah blah blah like all of that like what if the code isn't as watertight as you think it is yeah it takes you a second to put yourself in just any in different shoes just takes you a second to register just something else yeah i don't really know what it is it yeah it just takes me i have to actively kind of be like so just let's hypothetically imagine that you liked this guy you're shane dawson's sociopath yeah literally like an issue with empathy i don't know if i like that though that seems really horrid but i don't know it's it's not it's not it's like no i don't know if it is an issue of empathy it's that i can't empathy makes it sound

emotional it makes you sound like you don't care about other people and you do care about other people so much and i think that's fine to say that you it doesn't come very naturally to you to immediately think of other situations or other perspectives oh god no i don't like this at all no i don't like this at all what why horrible it sounds like i'm a sociopath no it is it's honestly well i mean it's up to you but i think it's honestly because i don't think because i don't i do i do really i think i feel it like loads though like other people's things no you do that's what i'm saying yeah you've got all the care yes 100 but you don't naturally put like think of another perspective instantly yeah but you always care about them always goes without saying okay that can go in that whole bit i don't like that i'm not shane dawson i'm not you're not

you're not you're not it goes without saying this is what i always say to you as well is the thing of um i signed up to do this with somebody like do you if you think like if you think that i'm like logical reasonable person or like i would be smart in myself i wouldn't sign up to have a literally a life partnership with someone who i didn't trust or i thought didn't give a shit about people and blah blah blah do you know what i mean yeah god it's so nuts a cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com My therapist was having a go at me. Not having a go at me, but...

My therapist was saying the other day, like... Because I was talking about... God knows what I was talking about, basically. But she was saying, every day like because i was i was talking about god knows what i was talking about basically but she was saying every time you talk down on yourself or like think negatively about yourself you're actually insulting your friends your boyfriend she was like how does your boyfriend feel when you're saying like you know what like if i can't see why you're with me which is like not necessarily how i feel most of the time by the way i just want to make that very clear yeah but you know you guys know like just your your your little fleeting darkest moments of general low self-esteem moments exactly yeah we've all got it um she was saying like that's insulting to him to be like you've obviously i don't trust i don't trust you i don't trust that

you would pick someone good yeah You've obviously got bad taste. Like you've picked the wrong thing for yourself. It's like, you've got bad taste. You're tasteless. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's insulting. And she was saying to me, actually, she was saying, how would you feel?

I haven't told you this, Sefi. But she said, how would you feel if someone was saying to you, this podcast thing you're doing is completely wrong for you, by the way. I don't see, why have you done that? God,'s the wrong thing for you blah blah blah like you've you've completely got that wrong it's like no because it's great and because i love it and i know it's right for me and it's like yeah well that's how people feel about you you listening you know oh

that's stunning does that make sense sort of just in the way that if i if i was saying to like oh i don't know why seffy likes me which is not like i think i know why you like me but i if i was saying to like oh i don't know why seffy likes me which is not like i think i know why you like me but anyway if i was like oh i don't know why you know just low self-esteem blah blah blah blah yeah it's as if you know it's like i'm saying to you well why have you chosen why have you chosen this person as your friend you know why you that's so silly like that was the bad like that's wrong you shouldn't have done that blah blah blah but it's like if i if someone came to me and insulted something that i love that i know is right for me you defend it to the death absolutely yes to the death to my dying day yeah i love that it's so it's so true it is so true still a bit shaken up about the shane doors still want to make it

very clear no i'm joking But I think it's... I don't care. I don't care. No, look, it's just a journey of getting... It's a journey of self-discovery. Aren't we all on that journey? Exactly. Exactly.

And God knows what we'll discover. Oh, God, with the most scared face. Shaking. Shut it down. Shut it down. So we obviously asked on the story, blah, blah, at sephie and wing on instagram goes without saying um this message there are a few messages there's a couple that i wanted to read out but before i do i just almost want to acknowledge the fact that i just love that this space is very much like a space of tough love and like if we're laughing with you

we're laughing at ourselves and like i very much feel a very um there's camaraderie here in our struggles it's a very universal struggle i feel like we haven't said it in a while but we will we are all living the same life we used to say that quite a lot all out here living the same life yeah it's completely a judgment free zone i often put on the story it's a judgment free zone goes without saying well anyway here's a whole lot of judgment someone said when i started seeing my ex he told this is this is a red flag that they ignored or whatever got it yeah yeah um that we asked for on the story this person said when i started seeing my ex he told me he didn't believe in apologies oh my god i have nothing to say that's the thing it's just like it's just laughable it's just like you couldn't write it

oh my god i don't believe in apologies you actually what you're saying is you don't believe in accountability being held accountable yeah you i just don't believe that that i could do anything wrong i don't believe in suffering for my wrongdoing is actually i believe in an easy life for me and a terrible life for the person who chooses to be with me oh my god how insane is that that's one of the craziest things you could like not believe in i feel yeah not that i don't believe in god i don't believe in diets i don't believe in apologies do you know what my grandma doesn't believe in it always made like used to make me laugh as a kid my grandma doesn't believe in sun cream oh that's not that's a bad one god

like that does not work it's a really fucking bad one to have so it doesn't do anything this one i just wanted to i feel like we can actually have a conversation about this i feel like you're gonna love this sephie because it's a bit spookster it's a bit like god was that a sign from the universe yeah oh okay so this person said when i was dating someone who wasn't right for me i got sick after every time we met fuck i love it i love it i love it you're allergic your body is yeah your body is rejecting his presence wow you're ill because of him isn't that mental yeah you're allergic to him not compatible i love shit like that what i love is like your body knowing things before your mind knows them right here's the thing this might be a bit tmi but the other day so I'm really on it with tracking like my period, my cycle, just everything.

I am like live for that kind of stuff. Like I'm so into it. Like I know everything to the day, where my cervix is, what's up with that, everything. I'm all over it. Just find it fascinating. And it's the classic thing of like, you will not be withdrawing information, like you will not be withholding information about my body from me. No, find it out for myself thank you very much so anyway love it the other day i was fertile it was my fertile time my you know very fertile fertile soil yeah obviously the soil was fertile um and i walked into the room or my boyfriend walked into the room i don't know he's not gonna like me saying this if you know us in real life just stop listening you should have stopped listening 10 minutes ago my boyfriend walked into the room and his penis got hard i didn't want to say boner it's horrible it's horrible but nothing happened

like and i wasn't looking good like it was not like a thing it's your fertile energy and i didn't even say this to him but but i thought that after, I thought, can you, can you, is it pheromones? Is it, you can... He can sense it. He can sense it like a little dog. He's on heat. That is really horrible.

But also I completely, completely think it would be your fertile energy. But it's kind of the same thing as like, you know, when you're seeing someone or like you really, really crush, you've got a big crush on someone and it's just they you can just smell they smell so good like it's just too much don't we know don't we know do you know what i mean yeah absolutely i don't put it past this part like i don't put it past this situation for someone to be like vomiting yeah do you know

what i mean like if i can see it happening in a positive way it does kind of make sense for it to be happening in a kind of repellent negative way yeah people you just are not clicking with it's it's your body being like not this guy yeah or girl i do find pheromones like the conversation around pheromones so fucking interesting like interesting right my friend once knew this person she was like they to me they smell of shit they smell of shit and everyone else was like no no they they literally don't smell of shit wow and it was so funny because it's like yeah you probably smell of shit to them yeah yeah there are probably people that you've walked past that think you smell of shit that's lovely that's crazy that's lovely thank you yeah how but how fucking weird is that i love that like i do love things

where it's kind of like this body soul connection that kind of your mind's a bit left out of like your mind kind of gets it like in the post two days late it's like oh i've been sick because of that when it's too late yeah god But like your body knew it was like, this guy's fucking, he's gaslighting you. Yeah, yeah. He says he doesn't believe in apologies. Makes me sick. Yeah, it's meant, isn't that interesting?

Like diarrhea for days after he said he didn't believe in apologies. Have you ever had that? Where I've been sick? Well, I know I really doubt you, but I don't think, I think I would know about it. But like, have you ever, even not in i think i would know about it but like have you ever even not in a romantic you know just in life oh i was gonna say i think the ick the terms of the ick is actually just your intuition being like not this guy oh my god i agree but then i

also think the ick is also like um kind of toxic masculinity it's kind of men aren't allowed to use printers at home men are't allowed to use printers at home men are not allowed to be spun around in the chair of the hairdressers it's like why because they're only allowed to go hunting for your food and then put babies inside of you do you know i mean but i agree i think the ick is actually interesting because a lot of people don't like the convoy of the ick of the ick yeah go on um well they're like it's mean it's like bullying yeah it is yeah it's too right it is you're literally saying someone makes you physically sick because of something very normal they did it's the definition of mean it's not kind is it

but it's also the definition of quite real well anyway yeah have you ever had that situation where your body's warning signing you yeah or even like have you had like a really strong intuition about anything you know what i'll throw something wholesome out there which i feel like i always do i was gonna throw out something the to-do of a murder so go and throw out the whole thing let me quickly say something wholesome which i always say the same thing but i feel like i really had a real buzz the real electricity feeling when we were starting this kind of space all those iterations ago when it wasn't called sephian wing and it was absolutely atrocious it was the worst thing i've ever seen and i couldn't have loved it more

we couldn't have been getting more signals from the people around us saying honestly stop we were losing friends honestly they were dropping like flies left and right and we said we gotta do this i don't know why everyone hates me for it and i've gotta do it red flag central what's this murder that you saw oh the murder this is an example of my intuition but it's actually my whole family's intuition and two of my friends as well was it someone oh no don't worry no go on no i was gonna say was it someone in the back garden but i feel like that's someone else's story nope i love the sound my friend said that her her grandma really didn't like this guy on the end of the street like really didn't like him like everyone else loved him thought he was so great and then it came out that he had buried

his wife in the back garden oh my god yeah and you can see that when someone when a whole town of people like we love him you just know the murderer yeah but don't you think that's always weird because sorry i really do want to hear your murder story no no go on but it is the kind of the classic thing of i always say to like my boyfriend and and like it just in the way that evil people walk among us because terrorists the people are always like i love dave he's a great guy never would have saw him doing that you do what i mean it's like these people aren't dumb like yeah definitely these people aren't like we don't look at them and think nutter the villains that you see in movies

yeah yes anyway go on what's your murder story i think that's why to be wary of someone that is like loved on someone that basically there's someone in this town that i live in not london my hometown that is like very much seen as like a local do-gooder like the charity man of the town and i just fucking know there's something so weird going on here like weird isn't it though it's a bit of a bizarre scene actually it's just the classic thing of i guess we'll never know like if it's intuition like we'll probably never know a need to be seen as good signifies to me that you're actually bad and you're trying to cover it up covering up evil yeah we'll go and what's this murder i'm desperate now the murder thing so my mum me and two of my friends once went camping one night in quite a

weird place that isn't really a camping place like on the top of these hills kind of someone's back garden no it's like real real countryside middle of nowhere we're gonna set off these like lanterns that now it's known they're terrible for the environment we wouldn't have done it yeah there you go we wouldn't have done it that's why all the turtles are dead thanks sephie sorry i'm responsible um it was like okay we're gonna set off these lanterns um and we're gonna do like a bit of like a sort of pagan ritual as a bit of because my mom's a bit sort of like that sort of vibe i think it's probably summer solstice you know a bit of a whole thing no one is shocked no one is shocked at all we'd set everything up and we'd like got all the food it was like late at night by this point we were all ready to camp there this sounds scary now and suddenly like

we started to get a feeling we were like we shouldn't be here oh all of us were like we've got to leave oh we've actually got to leave and it were like, we shouldn't be here. All of us were like, we've got to leave. We've actually got to leave. And it was weird because we camp all the time in like weird places. And like that was a real thing I've done throughout my whole life. Like we'd camp on all kinds of creepy old places. But like this night we were just like, we've just all like something's not right. We left and we were like the whole way home.

We were like, oh, like I'm so glad. Like I really did feel like a relief in me. The more we were getting away from it. Why did you want to leave? It felt unsafe. It was like, this is, we have to go. Basically, it was like, it was Prince Harry being like, pack your bags. We've got to go.

It's your favourite fantasy. Pack your bags. We're leaving now. It's not safe here. But it wasn't my favourite fantasy because a girl got murdered that night. Like literally like 50 metres from where we were. Or I don't even know if she got murdered that night like literally like 50 meters from where we were or i don't even know she got murdered her body got got dumped there i don't know dumped is respectful her body got left there no so disrespectful great story but the most

disrespectful thing we've ever said well wow yeah it's fucking mental a girl got like she didn't get murdered there but yeah her body got laid to rest shall we go there but that also doesn't work because that's exactly that's the opposite of what he was doing probably yeah no super super super fucked up but it was just that feeling of thank fuck we left like even though it's like the crossing of paths there it's a bit it's just like i'm so fucking glad we weren't there obviously goes without saying but just what the fuck this is this is probably really sick i don't know if this is right to say but going back to pheromones i wonder if it was like a bodily like if if like if you were near a bed a dead body could you tell that sort of thing no because

it was later that evening it hadn't happened yet oh it happened later that evening about like three in the morning but we left by like mid mid 11 midnight sort of thing god i do not like this um but so we like completely avoided the whole thing obviously because otherwise it'd be we'd i'd be telling quite i'd be telling this in court but it's kind of not on podcast but it was mental like i'm like just the fact that we had camped in loads of places before and stuff but it was just the fact that it was suddenly like right pack up the tent no we're not doing this like it's crazy to unpack and then be like nope we're packing up it is yeah in the middle of the night as well when you're making that decision oh my god do you remember that time that i came back to the house in brighton and i

was like i've just been in a bus accident oh Oh my god. Do you remember that? Yeah. So I got on this bus. If you know Sussex University, you'll know. But if you don't, then you won't. The buses are a fucking nightmare, basically. One of the buses takes you around the Amex Stadium. Going around the Amex Stadium and then you come, like, through into town. So this bus pulled up and I was like, Ugh, not this bus.

Yeah, something about that bus. And I looked at the driver and I was like oh not this bus yeah something about that bus and i looked at the driver and i was like oh not this driver like it was a woman oh there's something about this doesn't make me feel safe i don't know why i just feel like they don't know what they're doing and they should be back in the kitchen but i the bus was full like not full but there was a comfortable amount of people i wasn't on my own like all of the signs were telling me like just get on the bus it's fucking fine you weirdo but something in your belly's going no sorry in my belly so what got on the bus that

was like baby in a pram there's like little old ladies in the back there's like loads of students it's all good and we're approaching the amex which is like i don't know like the first fucking stop basically it's also kind of the middle of nowhere the opposite direction to anyone needs to go that lives in bryson yeah it's like kind of six stops away from where we were living at the time it's a long old way away and i was like i'm just gonna get off here and i'll get the next bus that comes and as we were coming off like around the roundabout toward the amex we literally went up on the whole bus essentially like tipped on like the baby came out of the fucking pram like people were screaming we're up on the cut people swerving beeping like

and as i was flying through the air i was oh yeah, this is the part where we crash. That is so weird. Oh yeah, this is the part where that happens. It was just like, oh yeah, this is that bit. This is that bit. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, like, it was like I'd seen it happen. I was like, oh yeah, I remember this bit.

This is the bit where I kind of go flying. Like, this is why I wanted to get off before this happened. Yeah. I pressed the thing to get off. That is so weird that you press imagine you press the button that's what made it crash it starts with the driver maybe if you've seen the film the butterfly effect that film fucked me up when i was like 14 it's like that i did not need to see that honestly same but it's the kind of the idea that like one

decision trickles into another decision that trickles onto another decision which is why i was kind of saying at the beginning like spending too much time thinking about what's intuition and what's anxiety and if you were if you misread signs and all of that it can really like do you in like i think it can really send you spiraling actually it's kind of um to name another film have you seen sliding doors no but you've definitely told me about it before i that's weird that i've told you about it before because it really i feel like it didn't make an impact on me but maybe it really did the fact i'm bringing up on a point well it's kind of the classic yeah go on go on well it's just the idea that um it's fucking gwyneth paltrow and she doesn't get there

basically it's like two different plot lines that starts off the same and one time she gets on the tube and one time she doesn't get off the tube and the plot like splits into her parallel lives of what would happen if she did get on the tube those are the sliding doors yeah one time she does get on the tube one time she doesn't get off the tube and her life goes in completely different ways but the same people kind of show up in her life and it's almost like this fate thing yeah basically one time she makes it back home because she gets on the tube and she finds that her boyfriend was cheating on her and one time she doesn't find that out because she never makes it on the tube oh that gives me shivers it's kind of this idea that it is kind of the

butterfly effect that one tiny thing like missing one tube shapes your entire life i think she ends up dying in one of them she goes to hospital like whole fucking thing yeah but um don't know what the point of that was but it's true it's that scary feeling it's like kind of like um i love the idea of you meet that you know if people are meant to be in your life they'll be they'll come to your life anyway that's what i love that they'll find their way in that's kind of my thing of soulmates yeah it's like we would have connected in any lifetime that's my thing that gets rid of fear like whether i kind of i love to believe it um but it's like whether i actually believe in any in anything it's still up for grabs

yeah yeah yeah i do love to think that because it gets rid of the fear it's like so it's not the oh my god i need to scrap all this together it's like no everything will happen according to plan it's relinquish all control and trust the timing of life it will cut it will come yeah trust the timing of life it's completely true and also then simultaneously though if you're feeling anxious and you're feeling anxious and you're feeling stressed about not knowing where you're going totally valid oh my god that's the experience that is it goes without saying i'm trying to do a thing with like negative emotions at the moment of like anxiety fear and all of these things where i kind of say to myself like these feelings are

how you know you're alive like what a privilege to be alive and experiencing sadness kind of fear disappointment or anxiety or any of these things it's like they're not pleasant but they're proof that i'm here and that i'm alive it's like that is actually quite a lucky thing to even be feeling it it makes it almost like a bit of a ride it's like oh my god right now i'm experiencing anxiety rather than i have anxiety i'm an anxious person it's like no and right now i'm like feeling a very fucking universal feeling that my great great great great great great grandmother also felt and it's how we know that we're alive yeah yeah it's so true and it's kind of um as you yeah it's literally that it's part of the experience it's just part of the ride it's a scary bit of the movie it's a scary bit of

the roller coaster i remember us really being like you know all of this it could go wrong it could be this it could be that you could feel this way you could feel that way it might be unpleasant and then that's it it's just a bit unpleasant it's unpleasant and then you keep going and you turn up tomorrow you do it all over again so stunning that's what um andy from headspace oh good old andy i don't know if he still does this but one of the things that like used to be a thing in the headspace meditations before i decided that the app was too expensive um can't put a price on mental health or can you you can put a price when it's 80 pounds a year are you joking andy yeah it's a lot well that's

what it was back in the day it's probably loads more now he's laughing all the way to the bank yeah honestly back to the monastery no wonder he feels so good yeah literally easy for some andy yeah he's rolling around with his money easy for him to say um but he would be like a naming technique in meditation it's like so now i'm feeling stress that is unpleasant i'm having a thought that it was a pleasant thought like rather than being like good or bad it's like pleasant yeah unpleasant and it's so much nicer it's like yeah that was unpleasant i've been through other unpleasant things it doesn't mean you're bad it doesn't mean you're you're doomed yeah takes away the power and it just makes it an experience yeah and it separates you from the emotion which i think is the crucial thing the illusion that you are anxiety or that

you are happiness is it's literally an illusion it's so damaging sorry you saying about andy really reminded me of my therapist remember when i was like i'm homeless i've got nowhere to live blah blah and she told me that she was a millionaire and i was like fucking hell nor like get a tenner like did you not just hear me like literally lend me 20 quid like come on babe what the hell are you rubbing that in yeah yeah but i love did you not hear a word i just said but we kind of use wings therapist as a bit of a pip as lucy sheridan would say oh absolutely i've never had even a conversation with her with this woman but she is my role model she knows an awful lot about you yeah because she said that she what had a baby in a garage and now she's a millionaire and i thought that's not a bad trajectory is it yeah she's from columbia and she maybe it's wrong for me to be talking about her i

don't know but again so it's with love laura it's with love like with peace and love i say this um but yeah proof it's possible hey what time are we we done here? 52. I think we might be done in three takes. Oh, that's not bad, is it? It turns out it's like the worst episode ever. Everyone was like, what was that whole bit about like the bus and like murders? Yeah, we've been, God, we've been on a journey. It's been a deep, dark episode. I've really enjoyed it though.

Because we've recorded this without having cameras in our face which i mean wing is lying down i'm kind of all my curtains are shut i'm like a little gremlin in the dark i think it's just i'm really liking this this whole vibe well it's stunning let's let's do it you know what do it again next week how'd you feel about that should we do it next week see you next week and what about the week, I'm down. Are you free in like 45 weeks time to do the same thing again? Absolutely. Oh God.

It goes without saying. Can't wait. Well, thank you. Honestly, should we just take a moment actually to just thank everybody? Let's all hold hands again. Metaphorically, we're holding hands with everyone around the globe.

We are fucking cunts. Truly, thank you. I guess that's really all that has to be said thank you so much for lending us your ears for a mere 50 minutes or something if you are feeling bad same honestly same if you're feeling bad same and you know what the good thing is about feeling bad there's always tomorrow might be a bit better and it might be worse. But either way, I'll see you there. The good thing about feeling bad is you've got to do it all over again tomorrow. But yeah, well, thank you so much.

And I guess if you don't... Oh my God, come into our Discord. I think that's maybe what we'll say. Come into our Discord. Absolutely. Yeah, come to Discord. Come to the Instagram. But also like...

Sorry, I'm still on the thank you. Just having a thought about how when we first had this convo we were in that good old library at uni yeah had no idea what we're saying again still all that time has passed we still don't know what we're saying but now there's loads more people in the convo that just feels really nice there's loads more people that we're misleading we were just misleading us and our two followers at the time but now there's all of you guys that are being led astray. We were just misleading us and our two followers at the time, but now there's all of you guys that are being led astray. Ourselves.

We were just deluded in ourselves. Well, if you don't hear from us, assume the worst.