Goes Without Saying - are we running out of time?: “wHeN aRe YoU SeTTLiNg DoWn?”

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

living in chaos? honestly, same. in this episode of Goes Without Saying, sephy & wing are here to reassure you that you're not wasting your life! we're talking about ageing anxiety, biological clocks, and the social pressure to have it all figured out in your twenties. we're rejecting perfection and learning to prioritise ourselves. it's time to ~relinquish all control and trust the timing of life~, some may say.trigger warning to all the cows listening. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Welcome to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I am Wing. I am Sefi. And we're also accompanied by my beautiful little dog, who's going to be growling and doing little breathing exercises down here. So to give me the benefit of the doubt it's not me making these very very sweet noises. It's a puppy. I don't think you can hear them that much.

It should be fine. This episode I think is peak Sefi and Wing content. I think this is a really fun, kind of wild, bizarre filled episode of kind of deep, raw vulnerability with bizarre references thrown in. It's kind of the classic serving of what you get around here. I think we're serving up a good, a good full meal. I think you'll be feeling pretty satisfied after this.

A hot steaming mess of saffian wing. Yeah, yeah. A vegan steak, shall we say. I wonder what they're referring to. That might be a reference. Okay, here you go. You're going in. Are you ready? You're about to listen. Strap yourself in. Three, two, one. In all of your messages, there was quite a theme, I would say, of 30s. The word 30s was coming up everywhere of, I've just got to do this before I hit 30. Oh no, I feel like in my 30s, I've got to do this. I've got to suddenly get a job, a boyfriend and move out all in my 20s. So that when I'm in my 30s, I can just go for it.

It's like this fear around this number. So fucking true. Everyone apparently is really, really kind of looking in the mirror and you're scared of yourself. It's like shit, like this number so fucking true everyone apparently is really really kind of looking in the mirror and you're scared of yourself it's like shit like just pause pause time you're like poking the wrinkles in your face yeah do you think you have that like do you think you have a thing with 30 it's almost like i feel like we're we're not close enough to have a thing with 30 yet i definitely don't think i have a thing about 30 i'm not like kind of keeping up at night like oh my god 30 but it, like, oh my God, 30.

But it's like, catch me when I'm 29 and we'll see. I think on that day, on my 30th birthday, it's going to be a moment of, I'm 30 years old. Yeah. I've been on this earth for 30 years. Yeah. That's crazy. But it's also kind of 30 flirty and thriving.

I'm quite into 30s. It's kind of now you're Jenna Rink, big time magazine editor yeah and it's also like 30 years it's really not a long time no in the sense of it's like yeah you just got here like you're still really young like you literally just got here you've just hopped out of a womb that's kind of what i say about like you listening you probably just got here like i feel like i just got here like we're all just sussing it out we just got here to this earth and we want to feel guilt about that that you've been here too long potentially oh my god i've been

here too long i've been here too long take up space take up more space you want to be here longer yeah exactly if 30 feels scary what then you're gonna be scared at 40 and 15 and 16 like what each of these years you're gonna be like scared of milestones they're positive do you think you get to a breaking point where it's like, I'm not scared anymore because you kind of have accepted that you're valueless. Like you're just kind of worthless after 35. Oh, I was going to say kind of menopause. As soon as you lose the kind of patriarchal sexuality that's imposed on you,

you can bear children. Then I reckon you probably get to a point that's just like, fuck this. I'm going to live my life. But why can't we get to that point now? Because I think I'm at that point of fuck this. like i'm gonna live my life but why can't we get to that point now because i think i'm at that point of fuck this i'm gonna live my life now i agree but then i also think you'll look back in a year's time and think god i was living with so much fear i wasn't doing anything for myself blah blah blah like and then you kind of get to 50 and that you learn that like yeah shit like i should have been fucking about more in my 20s and my 30s and my 40s and still now I'm gonna have to start tomorrow which I hope is the case really I want to look back on each year and just be like god I'm

so much more free than I was then because I think that's been the trajectory I think so for you as well that each year it's kind of like god I feel so much more myself and more expansive and I feel like I'm not yeah living in fear so much so I feel like I don't as much have the fear of I do but I feel like I've worked out of the fear of like having certain goals or achievements by a certain age or like um aging and success and those sorts of things I feel like I've reframed it in a way that I still have to work to make sure it's healthy because this could still fuck me up and still would on the occasion what more fucks me up is thinking like shit i haven't been it's kind of the guilt of like fuck i didn't i was living with fear i didn't let go of my fear like

i haven't liberated myself enough yet and it's kind of like speed this up like there's a long way to go yeah this still feels like there's a long way to go even though i feel so liberated in myself and with every year I feel obviously more and more but it's never enough because it's like I know I'm still holding myself back in so many ways for sure which that's part of the painful bit I think that it all comes from yourself because as much as we all talk about and I think listening to this episode you probably we literally said this the other day yeah you're probably expecting I think you're turning on a thing about running out of time and you know it's coming from two kind of quote-unquote feminist girls you're probably thinking that

we're going to be it's the patriarchy it makes us think there's women in particular biological clocks blah blah blah yes yes yes but also how much of that is actually coming from the external and how much of that is actually just coming from you are there people knocking on your door saying by the way your biological clock's running out like you better um have some children have you found your soulmate yet like what's your job doing have you moved out like your friendships are looking a bit shit or is that just coming from you and yes you've been fed by society but a lot of that pressure you can get rid of hopefully i'm i'm fucking hoping that you can yeah we have to take accountability at some point because also it is the classic thing of like,

yeah, you probably have heard that kind of like once every six months, your kind of auntie will say, oh, you've gained a lot of weight. Are you pregnant yet? Blah, blah, blah. But you inflate those voices. We inflate kind of the critic's meaning in our life.

Out of fear and insecurity. Yeah, and suddenly it's kind of, it's really not about your auntie or any of those people it's about you in your own head just tearing yourself down and really there's no one else no one's even looking at you no one really cares most of the time and it's all us and the different ways that we've learned to make ourselves feel shit or to keep us in a in a teensy tiny box out of safety and fear and desperation and we think it's self preservation because we think oh if i can stay critical of myself and keep sort of analyzing

myself then i can progress to the next level and then i will keep striving but actually that's what's holding you back it's your own sort of we know that in a critic way it's hard isn't it because we want to we want to say the right thing yeah like you want to you want to sit all of them down yeah you want to sit the person who's listening down and say directly yeah it's like i'm trying to make you feel good here but it's kind of hard well it's almost like i'm i want you to be listening to this and thinking or kind of i want you to take you on a journey that at the other end you think fuck yeah like i don't i'm not running out of time but actually the truth is it's like life is scary and we have been told this especially as women

we've been told that well and also it's not so much even we've been told our eggs are limited and all of this stuff and it is scary because you think there's like a limit to these things but then also you can't live in that fit also if we didn't live in a patriarchal society we would live in a world where they already would have come up with a medicine yeah or some sort of machine that extends or preserves your fertility like and there wouldn't be a such thing as a biological clock it's intentional it's no um mistake that you have a biological clock and a man does not in the same way it's very much being kept that way and it costs thousands and thousands and thousands to freeze your eggs yeah only the privileged

people that can do that yeah it's no coincidence so i hope we're all feeling good you know what i always think about and i wish that we could be on video for this so we could really hit it home god my microphone's really slip sliding all over the place i'm gonna slip and slide i'm currently in my garden on a slip and slide that would be great i know the slippity slip from the faraway tree um what's that the slippity slip from the faraway tree but you need blighter what's the slippity slip from the faraway tree never heard of it the faraway tree um what's that the slippity slip from the faraway tree but you need blighter what's the slippity slip from the faraway tree never heard of it the faraway tree you heard of that no never the faraway tree it's about a tree that kind of goes up and up and up and there is a character that live on the tree and at the top of the tree a different world appears every

day or like every few days a different world appears oh wow i used to wish on my birthday you know when you blow out the candles on your cake i used to wish every year that i would get the faraway tree in my garden um and i named my rabbit silky after one of the characters wow big fan big fan yeah big enid blighton fan of it big enid blighton fan when i was about six yeah um the slippity slip is a slide that lives in that's in the house of moonface if you've heard of him right and he has a slide that goes down the tree and it's just called the slippity slip so he's a slide the slippity slip slide of the faraway tree i mean it does sound good it sounds really good it's really one of those books that's like i have to live there it's kind of harry potter is i have to be there now yeah very much puts you in a

different world and you're really really kind of going into the garden every day wishing with all your might climbing up a tree and just being like, please let Moonface be in there. Yeah, yeah. Please let the saucepan man be there. It's kind of, it becomes quite desperate. It's like you're convinced. Well, anyway, I'm not there. So, but I do wish that we were on video so we could talk about the Prisoner of Azkaban

and we could show you, but I can't. But I always think about that moment where if you're not familiar harry and sirius black are having the soul the whole life sucked out of them sucked out of them and harry is with hermione and he's saying he's gonna come and save me my dad is gonna come and save me if you didn't he's going back in time i should say so a bit confusing he's gone back in time blah blah blah he's getting killed and somebody comes and says expecto patronus there's a beautiful patronus charm and saves them and harry thinks oh my god it's my dad it's my dad blah blah blah so then i've got full goosebumps harry and hermione

yeah we've gone back in time and he's saying to hermione look someone's gonna come any minute now my dad's coming my dad's coming just wait just wait nobody's coming harry nobody's coming harry and god beautiful acting from a stunning kind of 12 year old daniel radcliffe the flicker of his face of like shit it's me you're right my dad isn't coming and he runs out expecto patronum all over his body expecto patronum patronum all over his body expecto patronum and boy does he hold that no kind of takes two hours he really goes for it it's kind of mariah carey it was him all along and it's so true the one thing that i think about that i feel like is kind of my clock and is the thing that i've realized like over i don't know like like the past 10 years even it's like nobody's coming harry nobody's coming it's you it's been you i've got full body fucking shivers it's been you all along yeah

nobody's coming harry and this is the thing that i've had to realize and i think i'm still like i don't know if you can ever really realize it like i don't know if i'll ever really be done learning it kind of one of those lifelong lessons of like yeah no one picks you up no and saves you no one picks you up and puts you where you want to be because you need to test the boundaries of what you can do you need to put yourself out there no one reaches into your life and plucks you from obscurity and dumps you into a beautiful place it's on you nobody's coming harry oh my god nobody's coming harry and you need to do the full expecto patronum because it's in you it was you the whole time it's in you but i wish we're on video so you could see me staring into your eyes right now saying it's in

you and i've got full tears in my eyes christ i mean it's so true but it's so i think that's one of my favorite harry potter moments same now and just kind of favorite kind of lessons yeah analogies that you can offer i know we're gonna get messages saying that is so fucking true yeah it is so fucking true or maybe they'll be like that that all made no sense guys yeah they're like i stopped listening when you started talking about slippity slip never got there say moon face it's like no one listens but it's it is so true it's in you nobody's coming harry and you need that moment where you fucking realize that the person who picks you up and saves you and gets you out of this fucking shithole it has to be you and into your dream life it always has to be you there's no other option because also

i hate to be really deep and dark but in the last episode what what really pulls it for me and what i think was the turning point for me and learning that in the last episode i said and i think i've said before but i actually don't know i don't think you have said before i don't know what episodes are out there been deleted and whatever not not that we're hiding things from you but trust me you don't want to hear some of the shit that we first came out with but i said in the last episode i was homeless when i was like 16 17 and unfortunately nobody's coming harry nobody comes and picks you up and puts you in a safe space or takes care of you it's been you you have to do it which i mean i'm not saying if you're fucking i mean if you're homeless, first of all.

But I'm not saying that I walk up to homeless people on the street and look at them and say, oh, you just haven't figured it out. Obviously not. You just need to learn how to do a Patronus. I'm saying to us people who are like privileged with our iPhones and blah, blah, blah. Utilize what you've got. I'm not really talking about kind of transcending your class and race and like gender restrictions in a societal sense i'm talking internal the work that you know that you can do how you can be held accountable for your own life because i think there is some level of autonomy there in all of us that you can't ignore it's being you nobody's coming harry it's so fucking stunning i don't really know where we can go from

here because that's the point well it's kind of end the pod. Yeah. Yeah. I'm done. I'm out. 14 minute podcast. Anyone up for that? I'd be up for that. Anyone up for that? It's the best I've got. It's not getting any better from here. It's so true though. There is not this magic fucking spell, if you will, that someone else is going to come and like sort of whisk their wand and pick you up. And then suddenly you're in your dream, dream life. No, it no it's not gonna happen you're dreaming of being noticed no one's gonna notice you because babe you're in your box and you haven't left you're in misery and you're not doing anything i'm talking to myself here that was you looking in the mirror babe you're in your box yes exactly you're not doing anything you haven't left that stinking box it's true and it

doesn't mean go out and sort of um torture yourself with work it's just not desperado vibes desperado sitting in an old monte carlo it's not clutch for desperation it's from your inner soul it's the purest expecto patronum vibes you've got to think of your happiest moment yeah exactly think of your happiest memory and he's like the first time i rode a broom he's like that's not fucking good enough you idiot harry that's shit jesus get with it what does he think of in the end he thinks of his parents he's like i'm not even sure if that's real oh so true so true it's like harry come on and lupin's like shoving chocolate in his mouth like yeah whatever mate eat this he's trying to fatten him up so he can eat him as a werewolf he's his first prey lupin is a proper fitty isn't he

he is quite a fitty yeah well it's kind of like whatever you offer me i'm eating it oh for sure chocolate a penis i'm there your arsehole i'll do anything honestly anything for you lupin this message i loved kind of everybody said it i'm saying it back to you it's one that resounds heavily heavily oh how it resounds and this person said that they're gutted about losing a whole year to a pandemic smiley smiley face no it was a sad face wasn't a smiley face um sad smiley but i mean this is something i've thought kind of it's come back to me and like intermittently it's kind of a thought that's kind of recurring for me is like shit yeah

like it's been a it's been a year it's been a year and in the uk it very much has been a year i mean i have we haven't seen each other in a year at this point which is insane yeah and i kind of flip between the two sometimes when i get a bit sad i'm like oh i've lost i've lost a year but intellectually i know that i've gained so much this year so i kind of just wanted to ask you what do you think you've gained this year i thought that would be quite nice oh that's so nice share with us well i i was actually discussing this the other day in loads of ways we've lost out and of course the pandemic takes on this huge like global significance and just like tragedy kind of becomes the bad guy in your life it's quite a good villain to dump things on exactly it's kind of um not to compare

it in any way to mercury retrograde but while something's going on it's kind of like oh it's fucking mercury and it's like oh it's the fucking pandemic it's this guy's fault classic pandy yeah goes without saying huge loss yeah obviously devastating it's a horrific yeah fucking time to be honest goes without saying literally look look at what you're listening to read those words it was intentional we thought about that it was absolutely intentional to call it goes without saying because of the anti-disclaimer club we're uncancellable with that name yeah so yeah i think i go through similar things of like god okay it's been a fucking year has anything happened has anything changed like really but then it just also there's a huge acknowledgement there has been just like immense like personal change for me like i think this year has just

allowed me a whole new space to like really go deep and like really get comfortable with myself in like new ways that i've always been slightly prone to like a more isolated like introverted life um anyway and also not like i am also really social but i love being on my own but this year i think it took being alone to a new level and just being really comfortable with you can't go out, you can't see your friends. And if you want to see your friends, it's like, hey, shall we do a phone call at seven on Tuesday? And it's like, that's just so unnatural and just takes all of the joy out of life. Nice. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed our calls. Joking. That's not us.

That's not with you because me and you we call it every second we had a face time you were in the bath the other day we don't schedule yeah that was quite mental i think that was crossing a line you know someone messaged us saying i assume you facetime all the time even like on the toilet and that was literally the day after i'd been on the phone to you for an hour in the bar i think we did cross a line then it was fine for me i didn't mind no no it was fine for me too but at one point you said oh my god what are you doing and i realized you could see me and i was putting on a face mask so my face was just turning green i completely forgot you could see me and you're like oh my god what's that i was like oh right yeah sorry i also think it was

quite a deep chat like it was kind of a chat that wasn't appropriate for bath times i think it was one where we were kind of like hmm because i think i was talking about this boy potentially and it's kind of like oh of course yeah yeah it was a bit like i just really want to unpack this blah blah blah yeah it was a bit like this isn't really bath scrubber dub dub times this is like a bit not that i had as if i've got like a hair cap on there's like rubber ducks floating around honestly that's what the vibe was i wish it was well you know how much of my spa experience my intimate moment my my bath is and i let you in on that so it's a testament to our friendship there's no one else i'd rather see and there i am hey just need a little bit of um

boy advice popping up from the bubbles kind of moaning myrtle so annoying so you're kind of hi harry oh my god all the bubbles were gone take your egg and mull it over in the water so fit so fit you know how i feel about that i think i've kind of got a bit of moaning myrtle energy i went as her for world book day once love that and everyone said so you're harry and i said moaning myrtle so you're harry i thought it was harry basic bitches around here because i was wearing glasses idiots oh got you the glasses yeah yeah fair enough my sister went as dobby and we had a fight beforehand because we both wanted to go as a cornish pixie yeah nice from pesky pixie pescanoni whatever who says we both wanted to

go as the cornish pixie but my mom was like we don't really have a costume for a cornky pixie pescanoni whatever who says we both wanted to go as the cornish pixie but my mom was like we don't really have a costume for a cornish pixie may do kids you get what you're given literally that's not really a thing beggars can't we choose us yeah amazon doesn't exist in 2002 so we were wearing like fucking i think my sister wore a pillowcase to be dobby classic oh that's quite good yeah just a pillowcase and I think I wore pretty much my school uniform but with a pair of fake glasses and said I'm moaning myrtle nice nice nice um anyway pandemic has it what has it helped you what are the what's the main thing that you've learned do you think I know you've gone really or like not even if we've all lost

out in different ways which I completely think that most of us have, unless we're kind of Justin Bieber, Bieber-ing about in our mansion, no offense to all the Beliebers who are gonna be really pissed off at me, but it goes without saying, it's nothing personal. What have you gained? With everything that we've lost from this year,

what have you gained? I think a deeper sense of, a deeper sense of like being okay with being alone. Just like really being okay with my own company. Just like a deeper connectedness to myself, think yeah i don't know i love that when there aren't the distractions of life it's like when you can't go out you've got to go in so you go in and it's like wow who knew what was in here well we kind of always say like we know each other now on a deeper level because it's like yeah as much as we can be close friends the relationship becomes far more intense when you know what somebody does when you when you're performing you know what

somebody does in a certain situation so it's like now you know what you do in a pandemic yeah it's like you've got to know yourself in a whole new way it's like oh that's what i do when the world is dying around me and crumbling yeah exactly cool i make a podcast nice okay i can see it what about you um what i was saying to you the other day i feel like i the classic kind of letting go of fear thing yeah i am really i say every time i'm a mirror ball but i know and you're like no you're not no you're not and i'm like yes i am yes i am i'm just so good at being a mirror ball that you would never know I think I've always had a big emphasis on being really really palatable very like you know subconsciously whereas when I learned that I had to it's no it's no one's coming Harry when I learned that it was like oh shit no I need to start living for me because no one else can do that for me um I've obviously been trying

to just be myself more whatever that means and i actually think in a weird way having the space to do that in quite an internal sense it's kind of like yeah i've learned to perform my truest self or i've learned authenticity in a really safe bubble where like yeah i don't know what it's going to be like when the pandemic's over it might be kind of back to this quiet bitch who like whatever kind of you're not quiet i'm not quiet i know but people who i don't like think that i'm quiet yeah i just don't see you like that at all no i know i know but maybe that is mirrorball vibes but i just can't see that for you um with some people i'll be quiet because i just think they don't want they there's nothing

i can say that won't offend them do you know what i mean like it's like look i think offend them then nah speak and offend why not maybe who knows who knows who i'll be but i think it's been a really nice space it's been just really nice to have the space to i said like try on a new me every monday is a whole new bitch and who knows what's gonna happen next week like just try on different things for size in the safety of my own self yeah and then kind of have your out of the cocoon moment if this pandemic ever ends for me um where it's kind of like then you i get i guess i will be faced with the real test of like well now who are you when you've actually you're face to face with people that you would have been assimilating to and can you stay

true to yourself and fight the urge to mirrorball them but i think it's kind of allowed me to see myself as an authority in my own life this is my new thing i keep saying this to you because you are i love it because i am it's just like yeah i am the authority it's like i absolutely would look at me and think oh fuck authority so yeah i am the authority also it's like and so are you by the way har, it's like, and so are you, by the way. Harry, I speak directly to you. So are you, by the way. Yes. You are an authority in your own life. Yes, that's the most important point.

And I don't know what the fuck has made us think that it's kind of... You're waiting for permission. You're waiting for permission. Also, you're scared that your eggs are going to run out. Have kids then. You are the authority. You are in charge. I don't know who you're waiting for to tell you.

Oh, by the way, you can have kids now. You the authority you are in charge i don't know who you're waiting for to tell you oh by the way you can have kids now you can have them right you're not waiting for the permission of some man to kind of be the perfect father figure etc etc yeah or like i've got to meet my soulmate um before i have kids no you don't you literally don't yeah no you don't you literally don't have to do that you should watch the backup plan with jennifer lopez have you seen that film probably once i don't know i mean it's obviously the the epitome of great cinema with jennifer lopez i mean i do love her but um i haven't seen it in about 10 years but i'm pretty sure it starts with her with her legs up in the air doing a whole fertility situation and she gets pregnant and then she meets this guy obviously like we can only be satisfied with the film if the woman ends up with a man for sure but you know channel a bit of jennifer lopez whatever that means whatever that means for you to be honest channel a bit of yourself you're the

authority i don't know why i'm speaking like jennifer lopez is the authority in your life it's you it's being you do you remember we had a mantra? ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay.

I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple.

Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Do you remember we had a mantra that we used to say? I think it, I don't know when this was it. You say, I'm still, I'm it i don't know when this was it this was like say i'm still i'm still jelly what was it it was no fear no pressure no assimilation no pressure yeah well no pressure was the last one what was it no fear no fear no assimilation no pressure no pressure because it's like yeah you're not living with fear so scrap that you're

not assimilating so you're not being palatable so scrap that and it's like, yeah, you're not living with fear. So scrap that. You're not assimilating. So you're not being palatable. So scrap that. And there's no pressure. So if you're doing things slightly wrong or if you did have a bit of fear today, that's okay. It's no pressure vibes. There's no guilt. There's no shame.

No pressure. There's no pressure. Pressure. Let's not go there. But yeah, from Sefi and Wing, there's no pressure over here. We just want the best for you. And I have a feeling you want the best for you too. And do you want the best for us too? i fucking hope so i don't know how many

more bad references and jokes i can make on this podcast with them to still have good intentions for us i think exactly by the end of this episode it's kind of like yeah fuck these guys but that's the thing it's like all this pressure it is kind of imaginary but yes there are so many things that have made you think like this and it's no coincidence that we have about fucking hundreds of dms that are all saying the same thing yeah that's not we're all imagining the same thing we've all gone mad no there are reasons why we think like this and they are patriarchal he's gone mad they are patriarchal and they are born in capitalism but we can actually choose to believe in those or not like that sounds like extreme but you don't

have yeah you choose how much you're gonna take that on you can have those feelings yeah we all have those feelings fuck i'm gonna be 30 my eggs my career quote unquote my blah blah blah my blah blah i'm not good enough we can all have those thoughts you will have those thoughts but don't buy into it don't act on those things like choose to not act on those things and actually be motivated by love and hope rather than be motivated by fear and desperation you're barking up the wrong tree you will never be happy yeah you'll reach 60 and you'll think fuck suddenly it becomes very clear i've got all this shit but it's built on dust it's not built on anything yeah when you're not being expected to have children and you're not being expected to look glamorous and all of those things fade away and you're 60 years old you

finally see things clearly because you're not being held against some bizarre standard of what like a 21 year old young woman should be everything's faded away and you think fuck i didn't take advantage of my life at all so why don't we not do that when we're 60 and do that now in our 20s let's try and do it quickly now hurry hurry come do it yeah like i'm gonna do it are you gonna do it i think like fuck yeah absolutely let's do it like rather than wait like are you gonna be happy with the life you lived on your deathbed it's like i don't give a fuck what i'm thinking on my deathbed i want to think about what i'm thinking about in my life yeah am i honoring myself today yeah today because it's

also all of those things all of those thoughts and pressures that you're having it's about examining examining it's about examining if they're really your thoughts at all yeah and they're not because i kind of think you don't really think like that because also we're not really delivering you any new information this isn't news to you yeah it's this isn't the first time that you have heard that you don't have to worry about having kids by a certain age. You don't have to worry about having that job down by a certain age. You know that. Like, you can intellectualise that in your own mind.

This isn't new to you. But we have all kind of still internalised those fears, that rhetoric of what women should be doing. But it's not ours. And it's almost you need to give yourself the permission. And if you can't give yourself the permission this is us giving you the permission right now right now right now consider it given be loyal to yourself your current self not your 30 year old self when i'm 50 i might not oh i might be angry that i never visited australia no fuck your 50th self she can go then what do you want to do right now

yeah right now and fuck the fear because it's literally not your fear yeah you're like pretending you're scared of spiders but actually you like have a pet tarantula stop oh yeah that's wings fear but yeah that's really living without a pet tarantula holy shit what if it breaks free but it's like you're pretending you're scared of something that you're not you can't we're all kind of like my eggs my eggs but it's like do you actually want a kid tarantula eggs now we've mentioned spiders it's not coming back oh it makes me sick tarantula they lay eggs it's quite weird to whisper into a microphone tarantula eggs so what is this podcast it's kind of goodbye friend that's my last one today i think we're getting too far with the harry potter things we're so sorry but you do get messages saying we love it we love it but it's like do you i don't have any

more i've run out well we can find many okay i'm gonna try not to be offended at this one i feel like this person is absolutely coming for us and coming from everyone over the age of 18 not really at all but you go you'll get what i mean when i say it so this person said things are more impressive when you're younger and now i'm turning 17 i feel less impressive it's like why don't you just shoot me in the fucking face just kill me now i guess fuck 17 mama mia yeah okay well here i am miss haversham i'll see myself out literally didn't realize i was practically in the grave god fucking grandma's over here yeah jesus suddenly i'm feeling quite wrinkly yeah get that eye cream out where do we start you're young you're

young you're young but i completely agree with them things are more impressive when you're younger oh for sure because you want to be kind of the prodigy what's it called a kinder a kinder something kinder bueno what is it i don't know oh a wonder kind a wonder kind we had that oh beautiful no never wonder kind wonder kind with a u it's like you want it's kind of um mozart was like a wunderkind wunderkind that's gorgeous maybe you say it wunderkind because i'm feeling like it sounds pretty german probably yeah a wonder yeah so i think you have the idea of like oh well i want to be that kind of weber you do absolutely or then when you look at kind of kylie jenner is only i don't know 21 and i'm 21 as well and yeah I work here and it's

not at all the same or kind of Maddie Maddie Ziegler or whatever and she's already in a film that is ridiculous about autism have you seen that yeah insane have you seen that crazy I haven't seen it but I've seen the controversy yeah although we're still nominated for golden globes I believe Christ they obviously do that before the critics got to it which is hilarious cast autistic people in films about autism i mean it's not hard is it well maybe just don't spend like five years making a film about autistic people when you've got no comprehension that you wrote for a child mad that isn't autistic absolutely awful am i wrong to say that there's some sort

of weird thing with sia and this child anyway i'm kind of like why don't you just leave the kid alone for a bit like you've only had her whole childhood and stop making her dance with shia labeouf who is a known abuser yeah here we go yeah what the hell comes out now doesn't it it's quite scary although that dance was stunning so stunts yeah such a great video but so along with that everyone else also was kind of echoing that by saying like i have it such a sting when i see people that are younger than me doing more than me and blah blah blah someone else actually said seeing people my age achieve my goals before i do and i just thought it was funny that it's like yeah we think that they are our goals yeah my goals my goals like there's loads of goals everything feels so personal

it's a personal attack yeah but it's like it can be it can be your goal and you can still get it even though someone else has already done it but it feels it stings so hard it feels like someone else's success is a direct insult to your dreams and success it's your failure somebody's success apparently it means that you're a failure why don't we all relinquish all control and trust the timing of your life i've got a good idea why don't we all guys it's just come to me it's so true come to me relinquish all control and trust the timing of your life trust the timing of your life everything you once desired from others how about i, I've got an idea. Give it to yourself now. Now.

Now. Now. Right? Everything. Everything you once desired from others. Give it to yourself now. What's stopping you? There's no other option.

Yeah. There is no other option. The other option is misery. The other option is commiserations. I'm looking for that ice cream lifestyle, baby. It's not happening. Only. Only that that you cannot be scrolling through fucking instagram looking at all these people looking at all your friends going they've all got the things i want yeah probably because they want them too probably because all all of us pretty much have the same

goals yeah i'm assuming we all want a pretty decent life yeah yeah because we've been told that we want a man to choose us we want two and a half kids and we want a nice house and like a strong stable career and enough money we all want the same things guys it's fine we all basically want happiness and really there's enough to go around there's more than enough the cup runneth over it is really hard to to feel that sting. It's so hard, yeah. Because also you kind of, you're just convinced that everyone else has got so much more than you.

We wanted to talk about this specifically, didn't we? You were saying before we started, before we started, you were saying like, we're probably going to speak about this, but literally every single person is so convinced that every other person is thriving and they're the only one in misery. Why did I say that then? Did I think of something something was there some sort of reference i wanted to make no you were just

saying because i think we were going through the answers and it is funny because every single person was just saying like everyone else has got things sorted and i feel like i'm the only one and then the one next was everyone else got everything sorted i'm the only one and one up i'm the only one it's like yeah you're not we're all thinking it yeah unless we're just attracting a bunch of fucking losers i find it hard to believe that everyone who listens to this podcast has apparently got nothing going for them i just don't see it because also i look at their pro i look at your profile there's a high chance if you're listening to this and you've made an appearance on our page at one point or another i might have looked at your profile and thought

fucking hell what beautiful young thing she's got it all together look at those beautiful times she's having she's making fun memories achieving high things and then you're messaging saying you've got meanwhile you're gonna message and say you've got nothing you got nada zilch oh grande nada nil nothing nil nil poix nowt nowt nout that's a good one but the problem yeah this is the problem that we're all convinced and also i know that we haven't just attracted a group of losers because i look around my friends as well who i know to be amazing wonderful people that's why i'm friends with them and they'll have moments where they think oh just everything's so shit and like everyone else i feel like i'm falling behind and um oh, I still have this that I want to fix.

And I still have this that I want to fix. And blah, blah, blah. This isn't just right yet. And it's like, what a privilege to be existing on this planet with things that you want to fix and things that you've got to progress and things that are going to change over time. It's so lucky. Things to look forward to. Yeah.

We've got so much left to do. We've got so much left to learn here. And if you rush that all in your 20s yeah and by your 30s on your 30th 30th birthday let's not have our dessert before the fucking prawn cocktail baby chillax oh don't give me a prawn cocktail i used to love prawns did you used to love prawns juicy i don't think i could eat a prawn mama mia delicious so that sounds like the most disgusting thing i've ever had so yummy juicy what are the juices have you seen the shark tail are they and the little the little shrimps they're like it's their guts absolutely it's their guts shrimp guts it's a delicacy i think i that's just my classic thing i have no comprehension of meat what meat tastes

like let me tell you meat is good let me tell you it doesn't sound it animals are not friends they are food i am vegan by the way but they are also delicious they make a delicious bacon sandwich like that's a really cute pig but also like j Christ, get in like a crusty white loaf with some butter. It's delicious. You know what's really good? Ribs, a rack of ribs. Why are we doing this? Who is this person?

Also, you're going to be editing this kind of crying. I think I'm that annoying thing just because I've had it ingrained for my entire life to be vegetarian. I literally have tears in my eyes when people talk about it. It's bizarre. You've just been veggie your whole life yeah and also you have to appreciate that it's more than just food exactly it's kind of in an anthropological sense it's your whole meaning of life yeah like people's this is what i'm trying to learn um kind of grandma's recipe it's kind of birthday cake it's your turkey christmas dinner there's so much interlinked with

food that look i'm not mad about it if you want to have if you might be eating a bacon sandwich right now and to that i say good on you well this is what i'm trying to learn i'm trying to learn that um everybody does have a choice everyone isn't you yeah that we don't all have to be you because i think a lot of my life i have held a lot of anger towards people that eat meat like how can you do it like i think i get hurt by it yeah completely but also i mean that's just because you've been lucky enough to always be vegetarian like so lucky but this is why i'm trying to understand that it's like just because i wasn't raised eating meat and also loads of my family eat meat like my brother eats meat

um but just because i can't comprehend it doesn't mean that it's literally such a specific upbringing but i think i have always just been like so disturbed by the act of eating meat just because it's like god i couldn't but then it's like i could it's just i've been raised that way it's such a complex relationship of course yeah yeah of course you could yeah i guess we'll never know literally i guess we'll never know i don't know why i brought that up anyway let's talk about prawns i'm telling you now prawn guts will not be crossing my lips they might though what if listen to this someone comes to you no don't make me do it they've got me in chains yep i'm chained up don't make me do it there's a gun to my fucking head like this and i'm looking at you i'm crying i go please

and they say you can save her life if you have one teensy tiny shrimp and i'm saying to you sephie it's delicious it's so good i'm kind of like i'll eat it please i'm starving i haven't eaten in weeks i've been held hostage i think i could muster up a prawn come on you're debating a bit too much no i could do a prawn i could do a prawn yeah if it was a steak it might be a different story i don't a steak a bite of a steak except for my life for my life sephie no i could do it for your life for your life i'm crying i'm begging but an injure but just an injury i might not no my life there's a gun to my head they put the gun in my mouth and they put a prawn in my mouth yeah what scenario is this yes i would 100% do it it's absolutely a listener who got the

idea from us saying it now i'm manifesting it it's honestly i think one of my worst nightmares i've gone to eat it that is my nightmares someone's been like you have to eat this bacon sandwich or something bad will happen yeah horrific it's kind of sore but i guess yeah i'm eating the bacon sandwich then or whatever it was yeah i really don't want to though i would be really really sobbing what would be the worst thing that they could bring out tuna no second thoughts tuna what if you might cry at this what's a cow beef yeah it's beef yeah see this is the disconnect by the way it's like as a meat eater yeah i don't know like i would be eating food thinking i don't know what animal this came from

but so what would happen if i was again held at gunpoint and they said yeah you have to eat this beef but they also brought a cow into the room what i've got to kill kill the cow so you have to no no so you're watching a cow whilst you eat beef i look in the cow's eyes whilst i eat its child but so there's a cow on one side kind of crying but there's also me on the other side crying and i have to choose between you and my two big loves in my life really and this cow that you've literally never met before by the way never made you laugh never like been there for you once never started a podcast with you would probably eat you if it had the chance it wouldn't uh you should read the secret life of

cows they're actually super intelligent and maternal they form friendships i love cows i obviously i'm eating the steak or whatever it was is steak beef i don't know look i'll eat i don't know this is what i'm confused about do you want me to eat shit for you is that what you're asking you want me to eat a piece of shit i want to know that if my life is on the line i'm in safe hands yeah you're in safe hands well it's easy to say now but i guess we'll never know i don't know if i could keep it down let's hope we never know unless there is some sick freak listening who's going to tie us up and force me to eat a cow whilst i look in a cow's eyes and whilst you're crying what the fuck it really is you have looked into my deepest darkest nightmares and also you've

there's a load of vegans there's a load of angry vegans in the room they're all shouting at you they're heckling you saying murder oh well if they did that then i would do it i'd say get you out of your off your fucking high horse cunts i'll eat this just to spite you no way i'm not in that crew no no they're cunts no but you definitely used to be right when i first went vegan yeah i think most people when i think when you first find No, but you definitely used to be, right? When I first went vegan, yeah. I think most people, I think when you first find a new identity, you really want to align yourself with it very often. That's the thing. It becomes the identity.

Yeah, so true. But I really, really despise that anger and it's everything I try and fight against because it's just self-entitlement. It's just self-righteousness. It's so self-righteous. It's so embarrassing, yeah. If you're a preachy vegan you have to stop then

you're a loser and you have nothing then i'll force you to look in a cow's eyes whilst you eat a steak someone said this pressure to live every day like it's your last is fucking sorry that's okay i accept your apology this pressure to live every day like it's your fucking last like a fucking hell am i okay it's not my fault the grammar's wrong the grammar's wrong it's actually not my fault okay that's all right we're a judgment free zone come in with any grammar any language and we'll do our best to interpret whatever you're saying to us we will do our best no fear no pressure no assimilation no assimilation baby this pressure to live every day like it's your last like fucking hell am i in an action film so scary the grammar wasn't wrong i was just

reading it like you know wrong okay i think it's so true though the idea that kind of oh my god you've got to live every day fully then if we're not going to live in this fear if we're not going to live in the fear of turning 30 and we're going to live right now like it's don't live in fear now guys we're going to be living our best lives that's terrifying as well suddenly it's like okay so what i've got to be bungee jumping on tuesday i'm going under the sea diving on wednesday it's like wait wait wait yeah it's not it's not real it's absolutely fine to like drink your tea and like look out the window and go on your walk and do your yoga that's fine it's fine if you don't get out of bed today it's fine if you haven't brushed your teeth today it's all right it's

honestly more than fine the whole point of this isn't okay so cram a lifetime of activities into your whenevers in your 20s your 30s it's not about living in because that's fear as well yeah it's not about that i think sometimes it's really um unhelpful to remind people of their mortality yeah it's not i think we need to get out of this thing of thinking that it's a really productive thing to do at all times it's kind of i was reading this thing recently and it was talking about the old kind of it is like rhetoric of kind of don't go to bed in a bad mood with each other like don't go to bed on an argument like don't leave things in an argument because you don't know what's gonna happen but actually i know what's gonna happen if you're fucking knackered and it's like 2am and you've been arguing for an hour already yeah there's no point keeping

the tension going you're both in a bad mood and you're exhausted why don't you get a full night's rest when in reality asleep and deal with it tomorrow yeah because chances are actually statistically i don't think you will die tomorrow i think you'll be all right and also kind of see yourself as the authority in your life where you believe in yourself enough that if whoever did die tomorrow you're not regretting validating your feelings your feelings are valid arguing with someone or confronting someone or not being good enough etc this is all valid like it's so you need to have the authority in your own behaviors and your own thoughts and your own beliefs in your own life you can't think oh they might die so i need to fucking lick their arsehole now and like solve everything it's like

no no no that is not your responsibility no we're not being nice to people that are wrong because they might have a heart attack in the night literally though i just think it's not always helpful to be reminding ourselves of our mortality because actually it's just not realistic it's like you need to live with the confidence in your own life i agree whether you're gonna die or not it's like and also don't expect yourself to be living with this constant thing of like shit i could die tomorrow i could die tomorrow this is the thing you haven't been you haven't died this whole time so yes you are pretty comfortable you've never been taught that you not often as we said in the last episode you faced with a near-death experience so don't feel bad that you're taking life for granted a

bit every now and then because that's exactly what we do as people as humans that have not really had our life questioned that much if it does help you to be reminded of your mortality because i get it on some days when i'm like look you could die like it's all fine exactly yeah well there's a way to do it but then there's also if it's not helpful to you which some days as the last thing i want to think about to be honest most days it's the last thing i want to think about the concept of not existing is terrifying but what's something i do love to be reminded of is my kind of insignificance i think that to some people it really stresses them out but if you're someone that like thrives on that it can be such a healthy reminder of like

you are so small and reminder of like you are so small and also in that you are so expansive and your problems are even smaller yeah if you're teensy tiny your problems are a grain of sand that's why i love kind of space aliens yeah yeah space and aliens basically i found myself in the pandemic really turning to kind of space movies like really watching documentaries about space and like um spaceships and kind of kind of seeing the earth from a zoomed out perspective i really really got obsessed with a way to minimize the issue yeah with the idea of other planets and all of this stuff because it really makes it look so insignificant with this idea of this pandemic that we've lost all this time a bit of our lives to which to be honest i don't really buy into that as a narrative anyway i think that is very very fear-based um when actually there

are lots of things you've also lost years and years of your life to insecurity and buying into bullshit and to be honest work and shit you've lost years of your life to worrying about how you looked in a bikini so i think a pandemic with actual real worries and fears is the last of your um of things that you've wasted your life exactly yeah it's probably one of the most pretty real necessary yeah because realistically you waste hours and hours every day waiting for a text back from a boy you don't even like yeah so don't even worry about it so i think a pandemic is fine i think that i think you've given a reasonable amount of attention yeah to the pandemic but i got obsessed with this idea of like zooming out seeing that this was nothing because it feels so all-consuming and actually

it's like it's really a fucking second in time a pinprick in the whole universe like there's nothing bigger fish to fry bigger shrimp to eat honestly bigger shrimp to look into the eyes of and eat their guts there are bigger shrimp to fry but there's also like bigger there's bigger fucking life to look at like i want to know about the mars rover like i want to know all of that and actually it's not even about kind of oh like in my 22nd year what did i accomplish fuck off as if the aliens fucking give a shit about your 26th year yeah shut up as if you should give a shit about your 26th year it's nothing and i think that's beautiful but only if that helps you because i definitely have like expressed those

thoughts people before and they've been like that makes me feel so much worse and it's like yeah i do get that yeah but i think it's about tuning into your smallness is very stunning well also everyone's at different stages and stuff. It's just gaining some perspective, whatever that looks like for you. It's kind of like, if this is going to bother you in five years, fine. But like, if it's not going to matter even like next week. Don't waste a little second on it.

Then maybe, yeah, maybe we could curb the tears for now. Like maybe you should go to sleep. Maybe you just need to cry. Yeah, maybe you should just honestly. Yeah, maybe you're just knackered. I think this is also the thing of people kind of suffering and suffering and like they're like powering through all right i've gotta if i just go for my walk then i'll do this and if i just meditate then i'll do this and yeah that probably will help

you but also if you can't be asked that's fine like there is so much on netflix that you can just watch right now and just kind of waste some time. Like this idea of running out of time. You have got time. And sometimes not every moment of your time has to be filled with amazing things. Like sometimes you do just want to sit there. Or what everyone else would view as an amazing thing.

I've been saying this year, getting to know myself better is the most productive way to spend my time. Getting to know myself better could literally be watching Spy Kids. 3D. Back to back. Which I really wanted to watch, by the way, but I could only see it on Amazon to rent as I looked. Really?

I was never a fan. I'm not renting it. I was never a fan. Spy Kids. No. I didn't like that whole genre. Was there like Sharkboy and Lava Girl? That's another one.

Yeah, that was a bit later. That was with good old taylor tay tay yeah team jakes are you team jacob yeah you are we've been through this no you're not we've been through this oh i can't remember i don't have a memory guys we all know this it's exhausting okay anyway this message i also liked which kind of leads on they said um that they worry about having too big of a gap between work following their education and i think it just links back to that change in perspective like we say this all the time graduating there was someone that we knew who put in their bio like gap year like i'm on my gap year or whatever after we'd graduated they were in our year at uni graduating and it really links back to that thing of it's all perspective yeah it's

kind of if you allow yourself to be an authority and just view yourself in that light then there is no pressure so you could have yeah i'm on my gap year so i'm gonna be pissing about i'm gonna be doing whatever i want don't ask me what i'm up to because i've got nothing back to report it's gonna be only fun things for me and you can't guilt me for that versus you might graduate uni and think fuck i need to scramble and get a job shit everyone else has got a better job than me oh my god what am i doing what am i doing blah blah is that you could have just called it a gap year and no one would have asked no one honestly would have battered an eyelid you could have just called it a gap year and you could have actually enjoyed your days watching netflix instead of watching

netflix with a worried frown on your face and your stomach and knots over not doing enough it's like if you go into even a day if you think to yourself today I'm going in with the intention of relaxing yeah and enjoying yourself then you can do that versus a day where you don't necessarily get any work done but you're not necessarily relaxing either you're not watching Netflix and you don't have any intention yeah i think there's something nice about setting the intention of this is a day for this or this is a year for this or to be honest this is a couple years or this is a life of this is a life where i'll be figuring it out this is a life of yeah honestly my gap life yeah between this and my next fucking one yeah i'm not stressed no and i won't let you

stress me i will not let you stress me and i'm not here to fucking um compete exactly so i dropped out of the fucking race yeah i'm not playing like honestly i'm not even interested in your fucking egg and spoon race literally i'm not playing because i'll already win with myself i'm already the winner yeah every day i'm setting the intention to get to know myself better the most productive thing i can do is be nice to myself because only good things can come from that only good things can come yeah bless you sneezer sneezy gonzalez it's quite cute um sneezy sneeze mcgee it's so true though because we spoke about this before in our productivity episode where i was speaking to someone and they were saying they had such a productive day they'd

bake banana bread pandemic beginning of pandemic times they'd probably watch tiger king and they'd had kind of amazing whipped coffee whipped coffee dalgona coffee and they've been on tiktok all day they're honestly learning how to do i'm a savage yeah all day they've had such a productive productive day and i heard that and thought that's not productive and i am clearly beating myself up because i've done the exact same and i'm calling it the day of a day of nightmares i've had the exact same day as you and i'm calling it the worst day of my life and i've got and i'm nervous and i'm stressed and i'm annoyed at myself so it's all about perception you can just flip it you really can just fucking flip it when you ignore the bullshit and just go i'm choosing to live for myself like i'm not choosing to play up to this because that it is the accountability thing of there's there's so much that has been

fed to you but you you do have a choice to believe this and is knowing when you have choice sure some days you slip up and i step up all the time and just think oh right i'm really not being loyal to myself i'm really not being honest with myself about what i want but coming back to a basis of there are certain things that i refuse to do because they are not good for me like they are absolutely not feeding me in any way and why should i do that well i also think it's a self-respect issue it's you need to respect yourself enough to want to enjoy yourself and own your space and have a pleasant life that works for you and serves you if you're respecting everybody else more than you're respecting yourself it will be commiseration zone and it already is and it literally already

is the second you start really going down that road it already is but you can reverse it like it honestly uno reverse if you have a bad day it's not like um oh it's a bad life now i've worried and i'm a worrier yeah cut the cut the identity bullshit it's fine so true god i feel honestly free oh that's so stunning same i hope you do too yeah i don't think they are i think they're quite annoyed with us i hope not why are they annoyed free content about weird shit no they're loving it well it's kind of i hate i hate to hear it because i'm like oh i know it's true it's a classic thing that we always say of like yeah these things work like unfortunately like the walk it works fresh hair it works honestly hate to be the bearer of quite good news that these things

work literally water it works like a wet paper towel and some fresh air i think she was onto something that old teacher in your little kind of yeah that blue paper towel nursing cupboard yeah it works some fresh air some perspective but it's so annoying to hear also i was talking about this the other day with someone that in the pandemic kind of you've lost sight of the things that make life good in that you have kind of replaced all of your social things you normally would be going to the cinema and going to cafes and going on not walks because i'm feeling i'm fucking endlessly walking aimlessly walking these days but you're kind of doing fun things you're going to parties you're meeting new people and all of these things that you can't they can't happen anymore so you've kind of lost sight of that all of that and you're just replacing that with work and productivity

all kind of navel gazing or all of the things that we have been spending our time doing but actually it's like you've lost like more than half of the things that you used to do in your time yeah do with your day so don't beat yourself up that you're kind of going why am i feeling off like why is this not working because it obviously is why am i feeling anxious uh you're in the middle of a pandemic maybe that might be a start you haven't seen your friends yeah in weeks and when you do see them you do a weird fucking like walk around the block with them yeah at a two meter distance anything new happen with you no anything new happen with you no it's strange it's strange like it's undeniably strange usually you would be watching movies together you'd be eating together you'd be kind of laughing together kind of spitting

all over each other exactly but it's no wonder that we're all feeling like fuck we're running out of time but really you're just not spending the time you do have doing anything fun because we really can't it's not about the time you have in the future it's about the fact i think if you feel that you're running out of time it's not so much about the time you have in the future it's about a guilt that you have about how you're spending your time right now yeah i agree i agree but it's no fear no pressure no assimilation vibes always always after all this time always after all this time always are we wrapping is that what's happening i think we're wrapping i think when we say after all this time always it is a downward

spiral yeah it's only out from there okay fair enough well let's part before things get crazy cool okay we'll see you next week guys and hope you enjoyed and also you have a lot of time if you don't hear from me i've been held at gunpoint and seffy couldn't bring herself to eat the steak honestly the way that cow was looking at me i just couldn't do it