Goes Without Saying - bad days & breakdowns: Panic Attack Barbie!

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

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bit funny a bit chilled and maybe some tips of how to get out of a bad day and just maybe not feel so alone this is for you stunning thanks she's on fire you're on your girl on fire so you've had a bad day yes you've had a bad day yeah go on should i lead the way you've had one of those days it feels where it's just like it's just gone wrong at every stage a little bit wrong so i had an appointment this morning scurried out of the house everything okay over there yeah i'm just moving the books back that the microphone is on yeah i had an appointment that was fine like it was whatever yeah have a follow-up appointment keep me in your prayers yeah and when i when i was leaving for the appointment i was getting ready whatever my boyfriend was here and i was saying to my boyfriend like can you walk the dog because by the time i get back like he will have wanted to

go outside blah blah blah because my boyfriend was leaving to go stay he was like going like he's going essentially up to london for the night so when i was going to come back from my appointment he was not going to be here but that really slipped my mind when i left the house without my keys oh god so then i'm on my way back um in the morning and i was kind of meandering like i got myself i actually went to joe and the juice got a coffee oh delightful time yeah it was just you know i actually bought um i bought a few books oh what did you buy do you want to know yeah go on also it's funny to be like i had such a bad day bought aought a few books. Bought some books. Went to Joe and the Juice. Had a nice coffee. Yeah. It sounds nice. It was so good.

It sounds delightful. It was amazing. It was actually really lovely. I bought a few. I bought The Little Friend, Donna Tartt. I bought Death in Her Hands, which I'm excited to read. Oh, loved the cover. And also The Premonition.

This actually, this cover kind of reminds me of you in a weird way. I think it's the most beautiful book cover I've ever seen in my life oh so i'll take quite a compliment thank you so much let me see the premonition it reminds me of that card it does remind me of that card basically someone kind of sailing through the night yeah and it's like kind of iridescent and like dark and beautiful yeah that is so stunning anyway so i was having honestly a whale of a time yeah until i got probably like five minutes from home and i was like hang on a fucking minute and i checked my bag and i was like no no also my dog was here like he was locked in the house and i texted my boyfriend being like i don't have my fucking key and And he was just like, oh no. I am so sorry.

You're a real key checker. I really am. You really check for your keys before you leave the house. And my friend came to stay the other day and we were literally having this conversation because every time I would leave the house with her, I would say, I have my key. And I would hold my key in my hand

and I would look at my key. That's what you do. You say, I've got my key, haven't I? And then last time I was there, you were like, let me just check. I know I just checked, but let me just check to see if I've got my key that's what you do you say i've got my key haven't i and then last time i was there you were like let me just check i know i just checked but let me just check to see if i've got my key i really am a checker because i don't like to be without it obviously because i wouldn't like to be locked outside cut to i'm locked outside i'm absolutely devastated came my period this morning i'm slugging around it's cold outside but i'm hot and sweaty because i'm in my fucking coat and i've been running around buying books that's when it's bad like i've got lucky girl syndrome like i don't

like thought i was having a lovely little solo date no it's kind of when you need a wee your feet hurt oh my god you're locked out of your house and i text my landlord um and she is great but she hadn't replied and i was waiting for her to reply and my boyfriend was like i'll come back i was like you're not even there yet like he would have to i would have to wait like another hour for him to get to his destination to then get a train all the way back and i was like i'm gonna be locked out i was like i need to record today like when you're one step ahead of me, because I forgot he was bouncing me around. Well,

yeah, I knew we were going to record, but then you've been not having a great time either. So I don't want to put recording on you and just blah, blah, blah. I'm just having bad times. My grandma's in hospital at the moment.

It hasn't been nice, but I don't know. There's not even a story about it. It's just horrific. Yeah. But I'm feeling okay. I've had some just good news then my sister just phoned and said she was just with her and she was like she's in good spirits yes she was complaining

about like just she was complaining that she'd been given too little tea she also made my uncle go and cook an entire turkey because she was stressed that she'd left a turkey defrosting in the kitchen so that's her back in her normal spirit it's actually so iconic so iconic so you're in hospital like you're having serious stuff going on and you're worried about turkey in your kitchen defrosting like human yeah it's just so her so i'm happy that that's all yeah but it hasn't been a nice few days yeah yeah okay for now but it hasn't been a nice few days yeah so i guess that's where we're coming from yeah a weird place a weird place but it's just like we're soft we're gentle yeah easy as pie yeah and i think the hopes of this episode is if anyone's just kind of you're doing that

thing where you're like you're kind of stomping home and it's like i'm getting hot i need to sit down i know it well that sort of thing um hi you're okay hey we see you you're fine we've been there many a time we've been there we've been there i hate that feeling i would always have it when i was walking back from school in like hot summer like you just had a pee lesson you're knackered you're walking home dragging on bag's dragging on your back. Horrific. Yeah, you're carrying maybe your like food tech ingredients on your back as well. Your bag's cutting in, your bra's a bit too tight.

Plastic bag digging into your fingertips. Your tights are starting to fall down. Oh, that's the bad one. That's a bad one. That's actually the worst. Your little pump shoes are slipping off. Horrific. You're so fucking thirsty oh my god your mouth is so dry and like the boy that you fancied just like you just found out he just kissed someone else at like the school disco or something horrible horrible horrible times and

i would always be in that mood of kind of just like just fucking get me home you're starving because i haven't eaten all day at school because apparently you're not allowed to eat at school it's not cool horrible times horrible times you're starving you're just about to approach your door and i always would think imagine if i don't have my key right now you know what you don't want is to be bursting for a fucking wee and i always i remember one time i was so i literally had that situation that you just described like coming back from school desperate for a wee and i had my friend with me oh my god and i was like literally i'm gonna fucking piss myself like i'm actually desperate for a wee and i couldn't get the fucking key in the door fast enough and i had to just drop the keys on my doorstep and run over to the fucking bushes on the side of the street and just wet myself essentially while my friend was waiting on my

front door like are you okay and then i came back and picked up the keys and let myself in and it's almost it's when you know that you're close to the toilet then it gets so bad i had that experience i've probably never needed a wee more more than this one time in my life and i think it was such a bad time to need a wee it was a couple months ago it's like three four months i don't know two months ago i can't remember um but it was after so as I've kind of a bit discussed on the podcast I was dating this guy that I met in America I was like long distance dating this guy um for months as well like sort of I don't know four months I don't know and this was like our big reunion he had come to London and we had met up and we were walking to a pub and I have never ever ever needed a wee this

much in my life and I'm someone that needs a wee a lot in my life and I was literally like this is this probably would be the worst time to wet yourself like after a big reunion it's like this is we haven't like the romance is there we haven't seen each other in lights flirty times we haven't even kissed yet after many months and I'm going to like i'm going to wet actually wee in my pants on the street and i was having to i was trying to make a joke of it like don't make yourself laugh too much god forbid no no well luckily i wasn't laughing with with him too much not the greatest sense of humor i might say but i was really like i'm going i'm trying to play this off but it's like i'm gonna have to squat in the street in front of this guy and he was really

because he was like a tourist in the city he was like is that the royal albert i think led zeppelin played there it's like no we need to move now make a fucking move i don't have time i really don't have time and we got into the pub and i absolutely ran and it was like i'm sure i look like i needed a shit or something like it was but needing to we with a vagina is is another level of like if you don't have a vagina you just don't understand what that experience is well this is what i was bringing up but i just came off weird i was like you don't know it's the wrong time to bring up so you could just pee on the street yeah i can't do that right now you can't even though you could but that was a bad time i always used to go you can't in that situation it's like hey remember me the girl that pissed herself straight away i'm the i'm the weird

english girl that you've been dating i'm just gonna squat i definitely have a bladder who does like i definitely have a small bladder anytime i'm in a car like i remember the amount of times i've like pissed on the side of the m25 because i'd be that's the worst for me is like you're stuck in traffic you're like four hours from even a service station and people are getting out of their cars and wandering around on the motorway because we're all just bored and it's a standstill and i'm like has anyone got a big bottle of evian that i couldn't oh god sorry this is making anyone sick i'm trying to strengthen my bladder at the moment because i think i've actually weakened it with my anxiety about needing away i think i'm so scared of needing away in the night that i even though literally all I have to do is walk across the hall and wee.

It's like not a big deal. That would be horrible wouldn't it? If I had to get out of my bed. But it feels horrible to get out of my bed in the night. It's like I want a comfortable night. Oh as you should. So I go to the toilet about three times before I go to bed and just squeeze out like a drop. And it's like I've weakened my bladder so much that I can't even sit through a film.

That's actually why I do. I like being with you for many reasons, but one of them is because I know there's no judgment around the bladder. Yeah. Yeah. And I would never, ever, ever like I,

because I am usually the most weeing person out of the group I'm in. I know the shame, but we just went. Shame. Shame me. Shame. Excuse me. But we just went like three minutes ago. Shame. Don't shame me. Shame. Excuse me. But we just went like three minutes ago.

You're sitting on a very big bladder, doesn't mean. People say, I swear you always have a UTI. It's not about that. It's not a UTI, guys. I just need to wee. You saw the Coke I was guzzling. But the thing is, I wasn't guzzling Coke. No, just water.

I'm on the tap water. That's what we want. And for some reason, I'm weeing. Oh, it's just awful so i would never shame anyone no i would never i would try not to shame anyone for most things i would try um well i'm sorry we've caught you on a bad day guys yeah what's up with you guys fill us in yeah what's new um what would you say so you're having a bad day for example you had a bad day alvin and the chipmunks yeah it's not a bad day yeah i think that's how we sound to most people because they

definitely have us on like 1.5 yeah yeah what what would you do okay so i think something that i sometimes need to hear is like or what kind of makes me feel worse in that moment is the um the fight in me to not let it be a bad panicky crying breakdown moment like yeah what makes it worse for me is being like god you can't cry here because you're fucking walking outside primark on the main road like and that was exactly i just once i committed yeah that was where i was this morning i can picture it exactly and you know i just crying in public is just sometimes you just when there's things to cry about i think just go for it yeah um because i think holding feeling like you have to hold it in just makes it some it makes it harder to hold it in it's like if you felt like you could let it go you probably wouldn't and it's the same thing with weeing it's like feeling like the anxiety around holding in

your bladder makes you feel like you need to go more urgently do you know what it's the same thing with crying your fucking eyes out yeah i experienced this the other day this was actually a bad day because it was the day after my grandma went into hospital the other day well that really is a bad day i kind of want to make that clear that some things in life are much more than others and that this is a real that was a real low yeah it was yeah absolutely horrific like horrid and i had to go to work the next day because i may have previously discussed i'm working at this really really cool it's like a community cafe

I'm just going to describe it it's all the food there would have gone into landfill so cool and I saw it was opening in my town and I thought perfect, it's exactly what I need to do right now and I really like everyone I work with super chilled, super nice love you too, he always gives you a nice

no don't, no names sorry, sorry, sorry sorry sorry okay okay um well i like him because he lets you swap shifts can i say that so then we get to go and do fun things together yeah i'll be so nice it's just really chilled i literally just do two days a week and someone asked me the other day they're like so why are you working when you're thriving it's a good question and i thought you know what genuinely um i think i just need something like this in my life like i think even if i was a millionaire i would love to work in sort of community or like i don't know we have loads of volunteers that come in every day and it's like i think these things are so cool it's so important though just so cool nothing keeps you i think if anything especially doing

something like this you actually need it more than anything i think especially if you were a millionaire it would be important to like keep your feet on the ground be in like a real life surrounded by real human beings day rather than just being in a void like on your phone or like well i would always when i would watch um sort of emma chamberlain's old vlogs where she would be talking about how depressed she is in her mansion i'd always just be like she just needs to go work in a coffee shop she really does and that would solve so many of these issues and i'm taking that advice for myself not that i'm depressed in a mansion at all um they're far from intervention but i just think actually i love it but anyway i was there

and i was feeling really shit and i was like what do you mean i have to go literally and um make coffee and like scrape scraps into a bin the day after i found out my grandma's in hospital what is this i can't do this and i was like i don't want to tell anyone because i'm gonna cry like i really don't want to go in and be like do you have to deal with it how are you and then I'm like oh I'm actually shit so I was trying to keep it bottled in for like hours like to the point where people are like how are you I'm like good great sort of thing like just suck it up don't mention it don't mention it and then I found myself basically they told me that this volunteer was coming in that i really i don't gel with this volunteer they really patronize me at times

and just that's not gonna go down treat me like a child i'm the youngest there but it's like excuse me you don't need to treat me like such a child they're like you're doing a great job and for some reason i'm like oh i, I hate you. How dare you? But there's just a certain energy. They were coming in. And as soon as I found out they were coming in, I just let it all kind of come out. I was like, basically, I'm a bit fragile today because my grandma's in hospital. Just have to say.

And it's like from that moment on, it was actually OK because I could just be myself like a fragile person that day rather than trying to be everything's great and meanwhile someone's moaning about their divorce or whatever and i'm like oh this doesn't even fucking matter yeah it was actually nice to be like oh actually you're allowed to be a bit sad and shitty and acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay.

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this is what's going on and most people will be like okay cool they get it it's like yeah that's really fucking shit um yeah we'll be easy on you it's kind of it's kind of the classic thing of like in the moment it feels like it's going to be easier to bottle it and like try and push it down just to get through the day and sometimes that just makes it fucking harder for yourself and actually letting yourself be um just feel how you feel it can can be really scary to like be vulnerable and it can feel fucking shit and like uncomfortable and like painful yeah and not fucking nice but that still sometimes is easier than pretending that that isn't how you feel

anyway definitely but even if you need to go to the toilet and cry a few times in that day it's still nicer than bottling and bottling bottling it until it gets to the point when inevitably something will make you snap you'll drop something or your hairband will break or something yeah then you've got some splaining to do you're gonna freak you're gonna freak out knowing me i'm gonna freak out knowing me knowing you yeah it's not gonna be good no also as well kind of like you said it gives people the opportunity to be there for you which is really fucking nice and i think that's a like an important lesson to learn or like an important muscle to stretch in life especially when like you could be the kind of person who would rather just shut down and like

deal with things yourself yeah then have to for example feel like a burden onto anybody else or feel like you can't necessarily trust people with your real feelings and having more and more instances in life where you are open with somebody and you just say to them like on a level like look i'm gonna be fragile or sensitive today like x y and z this is how i'm feeling this is what's going on just briefly you know this is what here's what to expect here's what you missed on glee sort of thing yeah when someone shows you that they can be a nice genuine decent human who's like also gone through shit and can relate to you in some way or like can just be there for you or offer you some support it's so affirming and it

really actually tangibly helps it makes the day so much easier to get through and i think there will be times when people really disappoint you but the more you allow yourself to like be open and vulnerable with people and they show you that they're there for you it builds up your sense of self and like your faith in humanity and your ability to get through difficult situations in a way that's so important and i think the more you can um learn through those experiences like give yourself as much of those memories as possible it allows you to go into future shitty situations with that in mind and you just have more confidence going through shit in the future because you know

you're going to be able to get through it you know you're going to be supported you know the way you feel is valid like all of these things it's kind of what we were talking about the other day um with like the sense of community which totally i was actually watched that emerald nicholas flamel emerald flannel video where she was like nobody's nice and i did think god she is 10 times posher than i ever thought she's proper posh it was actually a shock yeah she is wow okay okay um but it's kind of that sense of community of like when you actually allow yourself to open up to people it's like you people then get to show you that it's not as scary as you thought yeah and it's kind of that sense of community of like when you actually allow yourself to open up to people it's like you people then get to show you that it's not as scary as you thought yeah and it's like okay worst case scenario they say something rude okay at least you tried best case scenario

you've got a group of people around you that are like oh my god that's really shit blah blah blah like do you want a cup of tea whatever it is like it's really rather than you're dealing with it in your own head i.e not dealing with it and i know you're inflating it like your head is going to be doing crazy things like the head's not the head makes it really unbearable and i remember like i've said this people in my life people in my life have said it to me like when you're going through something shit or you're having a bad day or whatever the situation is the worst that's going to is you're gonna feel really shit you're gonna be in pain for x period of time and then you won't be anymore and like if that's the worst case scenario is that

this is gonna be really fucking hard well then that we can deal with like yeah yeah you're gonna cry and cry and cry and you're gonna sob and it's gonna be unbearable yeah and that's what we're scared of but if it happens you'll get through it and that's all it is and it's going to be unbearable yeah and that's what we're scared of but if it happens you'll get through it and that's all it is and it's almost like assessing what the actual danger is because something we said before is like sometimes the um idea of something oftentimes yeah it's so much worse than actually going through it it's like the torture that you do in advance of something happening like an exam or a deadline or you know something about anything the way we dress it up in anticipation in anticipation of this event that may or may not come yeah just makes it so excruciating

and that's not to say it won't be hard it just might not be as hard as you're making it feel now yeah do you remember ages ago well not ages ago a few probably about a month ago on the podcast i was talking about like how anxiety if you really tune into it is just it's just like a load of symptoms like for me it's like a tummy ache i might not be hungry like i if you actually tune into like not the thoughts but the feeling it's like okay my tummy my tummy is like churning over that's the feeling of it it's like okay so i've got a stomach ache that's what this is for me or like i my hands are really hot or whatever if i'm angry like i've got headache things like that and it's like sadness like a bad day so if you

actually tune into the feeling of it it's like okay i feel sick i feel really empty like i'm cheerful like yeah i'm gonna cry like my throat often hurts my nose stings things like that it's like they're very my voice is shaky like yeah it i feel like that is one of the things that has been kind of helping me with like detaching the thoughts of the thing and the feeling of the thing and like really like physicalizing yeah the feeling of being like okay so right now i feel sad how do i feel it's like oh there's like a lump in my throat like it's in my chest and it's like oh okay the emotion actually like is actually living somewhere within my body whereas thoughts that feel so so fucking huge

yeah they're just huge you're lost in them they're not actually true half of them they're filled with fear and all of this stuff. You just have such an amazing imagination. It's a crazy imagination. The head is not a safe place. Yeah. At all. And that's why I always give this advice.

And I always say the advice of my year three primary school teacher, who I love. Oh, love her. Miss Whitney. I remember you messaging her. No, I remember you mentioning her queen queen queen i honestly love her but she always used to say i always um cite it as her quote and my mom's always like she didn't come up with it your year three teacher miss whitney miss whitney as she always said a problem shared is a problem halved great quote she was on to something it truly actually someone

needs to write this down someone guys that's a big quote i can't believe no one's ever said that as soon as you say it it's like oh it's out in the world like it's not all growing in your head it's like oh now it's a problem that we can like work on and it just shrinks the second you tell someone about it. And I think with that as well, it's like zooming out of the thoughts into the body and kind of into the reality of like, I'm a girl who is feeling shit about X, Y, and Z. I feel scared right now.

And that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, this situation that I'm going through, yeah, I guess it kind of would make sense for me to not be feeling great right now. And that's and like okay what can we do about that yeah that's okay like this i can manage all of the things i actually when the narrative kind of helps when it's a zooming out thing but when it becomes that like you're the center of the universe and everything like all you can see is that situation of like i'm i'm going through the worst thing right now everything is terrible that's when

it's bad but when it's like i live in a world with 10 million people that are also heartbroken and right now i feel heartbroken and that i feel like that can be really helpful 100 i love that to realize your place and also that it's human it's like there's no way there's literally zero percent chance of you going through this life without these feelings without feeling anxiety fear sadness anger all of the discomfort all of them yeah it's actually a good sign that you're on the right track you're a human being yeah it's impossible for you to not like it's actually a good thing in the way that it is a part of the human experience experience if you didn't have any of these it meant that you died on the day you were born sort of thing like it's not a good sign yeah yeah kind of like emotionally yeah yeah it's not a good

sign if you're not feeling all of these bad things like they are actually a part of it yeah this is so special what we do don't you think i love it i'm actually having a bit of a moment just like this is a sweet thing it is it's a really cool thing yeah well okay well if that didn't make a bad day worse yeah if you don't hear from us if you're looking for a new podcast recommendation we have just the thing go love yourself is an award-winning podcast hosted by best friends laura and lauren and they are the pros at handling complex and sophisticated topics but bringing loads of lightness and familiarity warmth it's hilarious and moving at the same time it's everything that i want when i'm on the bus walking down the street i'm in my music video i'm laughing i'm crying they cover themes from self-love body image i just

listened to one about being child free which was very interesting recent episodes include barbie mania and body image and single life and how to love it so i'm hooked instantly immediately yes immediately yes if you're looking for more conversations on body confidence and self-love and how to get there go love yourself the podcast for you we always need more conversation on confidence self-acceptance they talk about how diet culture took over their lives but now they're unlearning everything they've been taught about body image acceptance and self-confidence i'm ready to learn from the best to be honest go love yourself girls listen every tuesday with lauren lauren enjoy