Goes Without Saying - being messy, stressy & proud: from laziness to liberation

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. And today we're talking about all of our bad habits and I guess kind of toxic traits if you will but things that we don't feel bad about so not things that it's like guys I um I'm trying to improve myself I don't know why it's a dumb voice it's like I you're doing the right thing. It's fair enough yeah. We're talking about the things that we do

and we don't have shame about. We just don't care. They're bad but we love love them so i think if you want to feel good about your decisions in life your poor decision making come and join the party because so do we and yeah enjoy beautiful hey hey feels like just yesterday we were right here your mother and father were here wearing their first ones. Oh, nice. Thanks. Start with an olive. Just get straight in. Just take us to the absolute pits within the first five seconds. I'm quite loving that you're pretty much completely horizontal. I'm horizontal. I was actually debating whether I tip the laptop on its side as well, just so you can kind of see me properly, but I just don't care.

No, I'm loving the energy. It's like pillow cushion mania. It really is, yeah, as usual no i'm loving the energy it's like pillow cushion mania it really is yeah as usual i'm loving the energy from you as well we've kind of flipped i did say in last week's episode i was like in a chaos bubble of kind of gutting out our bedroom and like redecorating it and flipping everything upside down and now you're kind of doing the same thing which is fun oh my god i'm absolutely in chaos right now i've got like three bags of stuff i took two back three actually i took three bags to the charity shop this morning a fucking wardrobe to the dump um sold a chair outside my house and now i've got three bags i'm

gonna sell sustainable queen honestly it's chaos well i'm flipping my whole life upside down i'm going through some life transitions guys but i'll get to them later all good things can't be asked right now i'm knackered all good things oh my god great things great things only amazing things great things terrible things well how are you feeling what is it i don't know terrible things but what is it honestly what a fucked up thing to say to a child who's just had his parents fucking murdered terrible things but great great excuse me in what way are they great curious sorry but what's curious you're fucking curious mister why on earth would you say that to a child but great do you know that guy you know that guy who killed your parents he slaughtered them actually in front

of you yeah don't fucking talk about life getting flipped upside down who gave you that scar he actually did some great things i don't know if you thought about that recently mental honestly so curious how are you feeling anyway um i'm actually feeling quite good as i said i'm in the transitional phase of my life right now and i definitely feel like i'm having to be quite um kind to myself throughout it because i feel like i could go two ways of being like stressed manic um and almost a bit harsh yeah i think i'm really going through the thing of like let's just make this as easy as possible for yourself and um take it step by step and be really i'm really like preparing like i'm yeah things for things that are going to happen in a month's time which is not like me well good for you i know i'm happy about this yeah i'm proud yeah yeah nice it's good embrace it

um i feel snuggled to the nines in these little pillow vibes i'm doing i feel really good actually i feel happy with us oh god should i say i had a bit of a breakdown the other day guys i was like sophie hates me i know she does i know she hates me and i like went really weird i like went really mental and was like voice noting her like it's okay if you do hate me i was just quite surprised at the power of the human mind yeah because all she'd done was show last message i sent you the last message i sent you said i love you love the word love and you've somehow managed to make that i know but i thought you were saying it with coldness like with anger what way could you say that with coldness and anger really nice emojis you use your hearts

as well and i thought god she didn't she hates me is it because i use blue hearts i like the blue hearts from you i always i like to choose a different color yeah red heart is just like a bit weird bit much bit cherry baked it's really so i do i do like blue hearts or like purple hearts i love a purple heart from you that's a bit funky or funky seppi woohoo but the blue heart i thought was oh she means it blue hearts is almost it's that's where you're getting the coldness from she sent me a blue it was icy turn to ice heart i was just so mental i was honestly with the demented so i thought everything was cold but it's all good but i but it does show doesn't it it's like you can get something um that literally doesn't literally says the opposite of something and in your mind you can make it you can just make anything evil it's because i went

into my little depression hole and i hadn't replied sephie in like a day and then i was like oh my god she hates me she hates me she hates me then that second day i was like well now i can't message her because i because i know that she hates me now if she didn't hate me before she definitely does now i didn't know you at all literally at all i was in fact sending you messages every nice nurse yeah i know five hours being like i hope you're okay it's disgusting hatred it's disgusting but i just think it's um the power of the human mind the mind's a crazy thing god it really is mine does is his own thing at least in my personal experience oh in mine too i know i know don't we know don't we know it okay quite funny little convo we're about to have i think i'm quite excited for it i was really excited when you said it as well

earlier you like because it was based on a tiktok't it it was based on um an instagram post i saw um and it was this person basically talking about just the classic self-improvement that that girl mentality all of this shit that we always talk about every week actually all the ways that we can try and be better and blah blah blah but she had kind of taken i thought quite a genius angle have i spilled cookie crumbs everywhere yeah i have one second that's the way the cookie crumbles let me just move this out of the way cookie cookie oh my god you know what cookie it is it's a millie's cookie no way i might get cancelled for this but my boyfriend and i have been making the joke about look i'm not laughing at this woman's dead body or anything.

So just give me a break. I've lived in this country my whole life. So I'm allowed to say what I'm about to say, okay? It's crazy when you preface your joke with, I'm not laughing at this woman's dead body. Well, I'm not. I'm not. We all know who this is about.

Yeah, you see where it's going, okay? Also, I have my own, whatever, whatever. Look, we're not getting into the fucking yeah i don't we all know what you lot think of me you know where we stand with it if you just think for two seconds you know what we come on guys yeah anyway my boyfriend and i have this little joke about the whole paddington thing that was like thank you mom for everything so i got a millie's cookie for him it's actually for his birthday but it said thank you on it a big you know the big philly's cookies and it said that and i thought okay i

went there i went to millie's cookies in brighton churchill square i turned up i know the one yeah poor man was waiting there for me he said what do you want on your millie's cookie and i said can i get thank you thank you in big and then i was like and then underneath it's something like mom for everything how would you even spell mom he said mom like mom and i was like no like like like so i was talking about the queen for example like mom um he was like double a standing in the queue holding that i know he was like thank you mom for everything yeah and i was like yeah it's for work just like just whatever just brush it up it's not for me um and red white and blue right you didn't do that is that bad it's so weird my boyfriend opened it on his bed i put candles on it

and sang happy birthday with it and my boyfriend was like what the fuck is wrong with you to get it it was funny i think it's overstepped like into weirdness to do red white and blue that's like the commitment to the theme is too much he said what color do you want the writing i said what colors do you have he was like white brown i was like oh yeah white he was like you know blue green i was like oh yeah blue that sounds good he was like pink red i was like yeah red you're red so anyway happy birthday to my boyfriend ridiculous so those are the cookie crumbs anyway i saw an instagram post of this girl talking about like you know we're constantly being told that we need to

be improving ourselves and we're being sold it and And, you know, it's aesthetic and it's all of these things and blah, blah, blah. Take it with a pinch of salt. And that she said, you know, one thing I do, I fucking drink a can of Diet Coke every day because I like it. And I don't fucking care that it doesn't like look good on it. I mean, it just it's not even a thing. Like, I just don't fucking care. I enjoy it. And it is what it is.

I can't remember the other ones. But just silly little things like that so we've asked you for some of your silly little things that you do and you love it and we're gonna say some of ours some of you did say things like a bad habit that i have i'm currently sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend so yeah there was some things like oh i was actually just talking about like i don't know having the occasional red bull maybe yeah scrolling on tiktok um but it's a judgment-free zone as usual things that were like oh i don't um i don't exercise every day i only exercise when i want it's like no no no no that's not bad yes definitely don't yeah do whatever you want yeah always that's not a toxic trait always always i would just say my big thing that goes above all

of this is like everything is okay as long as it's not hurting someone else yeah as long as you feel like that that's my general rule with these things of like if so for example i'm sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend and that's hurting someone else but if it's some ones that i love just like i eat a bag of crisps every day well you know what exactly yeah yeah too right space raiders three packets i think as well it's like are you harming anyone else sure and also is what you're doing does that align with your core being and who you want to be yeah because it's like yeah i do want to be the person who sits around with a diet coke and a packet of space raiders every day i'm actually i feel comfortable in that that feels good to me i'm happy with it i don't necessarily want to be someone who's like having an affair for example that does feel like it's going against

my core being so that's maybe the barometer of morality that we're using today but yeah there's you know i think use your um yeah come on guys i'm not gonna say you're in discretion but i might just say brain yeah use your brain use your fucking brain you did come on okay shall we yeah let's do it i screenshot something that i really like okay unless you have one that you really want to start with i want to start with whatever you want to start with and not just because i'm scared that you hate me i literally don't even know where that came from. I like this one that said, I like ordering food instead of cooking.

It's not great money-wise, but it brings me joy. Oh. And I just thought, what an amazing one. Because almost, I don't think I've ever ordered food and not felt guilty about it. Really? Every single time I order food, I have a guilt about it. I do it kind of i would say i get two or three things like a month fucking hell

a lot no that's niche in comparison to me really especially when i was going through a really dark time and all i could especially with my medication was making me so nauseous and it was just rough as hell ruffians it was so bad yeah and i was just you know the classic thing i always say nowhere to push it's like look if getting a fucking takeaway of mcdonald's chicken nuggets is gonna mean that i eat something tonight i would rather eat yeah some fucking chicken nuggets than nothing and i would look i'm gonna pay fucking 15 quid for a fucking happy meal i'm not that i get happy meal but you get what i mean but i think that's the whole thing it's like why is there guilt around that like i was really thinking about that i yeah i've enjoyed it

and it's been a good thing i think i feel guilt every single time because it feels like this lavish expense of like you're going to order food i also think because i grew up in like a town that that like a takeaway here is like it means you're getting curry yeah an indian a chinese maybe a kebab or maybe that when a domino's came to the town it was like a big deal yeah like a big fucking deal when domino's arrived um and then there was like a subway big deal i think that's literally all there still is um so i think then when i moved to brighton and london there was like oh my god delivery is a thing people get like delivery food can be more casual um and i still think i have this thing about oh my god it's a big deal it's

a big deal but actually it's like no fuck it i hate i would i would do it every day if i could like i genuinely think i would eat takeaway food every day if i could well i think there's also a thing of like you are an adult now and you i think it's just interesting like we we soak up so much obviously from how we grow up and like the messaging around food is one thing but also the messaging around money and like what is worth spending your money on and like you know i think we were both relatively brought up with the mindset of you need to scrimp yeah and like you know i think we were both relatively brought up with the mindset of you need to scrimp yeah and like you need to scrimp and you need to don't buy a new jumper your granddad's jumper full of holes yeah it's fine yeah exactly whatever but or just like i don't i i don't know yeah i i think there's a lot of shame around like yeah ordering like a mcdonald's for example is it my parents would be so confused but i'm also just like look oh my god you raised a

fucked up kid therefore sorry that she has to order yeah she has to order mcdonald's big deal but i even think like even with like mcdonald's for example that almost has the like um i wouldn't that's not even necessarily what i'd want to order i mean that i would order like i think i don't i fundamentally don't enjoy cooking really because i was actually having the conversation with my friends quite recently and they were saying like if you were so rich like super rich what are some things you would pay someone to do interesting question and they were like maybe i'd get like a driver or something like that i would have a cook really so you don't enjoy cooking really on the odd thing but i i would like baking really like i do cook every night but i don't think i

actually see i wait i love cooking i actually don't love baking if i'm honest really i mean i don't ever bake so maybe i think i've got a romanticized view of baking yeah that's i kind of want to work on my view of baking. I would like to enjoy it a bit more. Do you know what I mean? I agree. Because it's like, you make something and it's like, God, where did these cookies come from?

Like, oh my God. There's cakes here now where there wasn't before. Maybe we should bake something together. Definitely. Yeah, definitely. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson.

And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Bless you.

I know you don't want to say bless you for a cough bless you don't know but i don't i'll take a bless you any anywhere from you i meant bless you from you yeah you did i used to not bless people and i still don't really in my life that's why i think that um anytime you bless me whether it's appropriate or not i'll take it yeah i don't like it as a um piece of etiquette that we've all adopted bless you really i don't think it's so sweet i think it's almost like one of the few opportunities that we get to look another human being in the eye even if they're especially if they're a stranger actually and kind of look at them be like i love you are you okay like in this experience that we're all having together and simultaneously and not speaking you all right yeah okay good yeah and then just kind of move on

do you know what i mean i think i don't like it because i think i associate bless you with like being patronized oh god of course yeah bless you with your little sneeze and it's like i sneeze and some like person goes oh bless you off i'm thinking of it as i'm giving you a blessing i'm not looking down on you and i think you do do it like that like i almost that's when you that's when i do it with love saying oh maybe i'll bless people from now on when i met you and because i think maybe you're a sneezer or something no it's other people no other people sneeze i bless them goes without saying yeah and i would then whenever i would sneeze sephi wouldn't bless me and i thought the fuck is this bitch's problem she's got it out for me and i pulled you up on it i was like so you haven't been blessing me recently have you

yeah no but i never knew did you have to say for yourself yeah you didn't know that i was i was like people don't actually do that do they and then i started noticing everyone's doing it i was like fuck well i think a lot of people don't do it you're right and i think there's like a weird religious element to it that i could absolutely go without but i like it just for a moment of amongst all of this shit let's just spread the blessings do you know what i mean yeah no i like it because it's a human thing as well sneezing it's almost like god you couldn't help yourself you had to sneeze in public like look at you making a scene like being weird like being loud it's like everyone's in a queue and no one's speaking but it's weird like people do i've noticed because after that i did start sort of paying

attention to what people were doing after that yeah and people like if someone like farted or burped would you say anything i wouldn't say bless you i definitely wouldn't say but no i wouldn't no i definitely wouldn't if someone if i'm in a queue with someone someone fucking farted i would run a fucking mile well i wouldn't like it but i don't know someone i know well my friend when someone burps she says after you at the trough and i do not know what it means yeah that's so weird that's so weird but i like i like kind of being like um like bon appetit like oh you've enjoyed it no no no no it's kind of very shrek like very um the dinner table with shrek and donkey um no but if someone sneezes or if they give a kind of weird cough that could be interpreted as some sort of sneezing sound yeah

i i do give blessings out quite freely yeah of course i've got them in abundance i'm happy to share yeah no i like that but not with the religious thing i'm definitely not i'm not trying to patronize anyone just disclaim yeah yeah you know i think that's just me projecting against the word bless i know i get that i get that it means a lot to me when you bless me we'll bless you thank you um we're talking about like shit you do so what do you do that you don't give a shit about ordering food is that one no no that's not one no ordering one is one i want i actually want to do that yeah um there were so many that i want to do like i think that i was actually like god i have a lot of shame about shit in my life like someone was like i eat the same thing every day it's like

yeah i eat pasta oh yeah most nights and i've always felt quite embarrassed about that but it's like yeah because it's my favorite food really you felt embarrassed about that i i actually i remember even a bit self-conscious i felt really self-conscious about the fact that i'll eat pasta five times a week i would yeah i reckon i'm doing it like the vast or like maybe yeah four or five nights a week i'm having a variation of pasta in some way because i love it um and i think i've i've always felt quite embarrassed about like god you fucking love pasta don't you well who doesn't well i know the biggest skeptic out of making me a believer who doesn't love pasta well i know i know they do but it's almost like god you i think it's seen as quite a lazy meal and it's seen as like um do you know what i don't like i

think it's got a connotation about you don't really like food if you eat pasta oh okay yeah fair enough okay so you don't you look at her she's not putting an effort into her dinner she's not yeah she's a slob almost pasta every day oh god yeah but i just like it even if you were exactly i like it because it's a slobbing meal of course inherent in the life yeah yeah um but yeah so i think people being like i eat pasta every day it's like yeah same i think you need definitely an interesting time as well because or like if you're just living with housemates and stuff because it's very much like you can't help but see what everyone else is eating for dinner obviously yeah and of course yeah that's so

true just their habits across the board they're insane some of these habits yeah definitely definitely i hold my hands up um so i think i think sometimes you can feel like a pressure or like a weird hang on sorry one second what oh god that scared me the look in your eyes no no no it's a good thing oh god what is it oh no nothing what was the hell was that nothing sorry look in your eye was like you saw a ghost i thought my boyfriend had done something cute but he hadn't oh what did you think i put up this little um clipboard isn't the right word what would you call like a kind of like a pin board like a kind of wire rack that you put on the wall when you like pin things to it i know the thing but i don't know what that is when i was in my diy mania of last week and i

was like redoing our room i bought one of those and i put it on the wall and i put like a plane ticket that we've gone somewhere or like um like his old like chelsea football club like membership card thing from 2005 i put it on there cute i put a little polaroid of us and i thought he'd put a receipt from a dinner that we had the other day on there but he hadn't it was just nothing it was something that i put on there and i was like oh my god he's used the fucking board that is so nice in his own time oh my god and then i walked i literally walked up to him i was like oh no it's just something i put there that would be so cute that's almost like when you see your animal crossing villagers using your furniture oh my god she's using the table

you're so right it's exactly that yeah well i got a new chair for this bedroom and my dog is obsessed with it oh my god he's always curling up in it which really is the animal crossing villager thing of like yes you use that little piano you sit on that wooden stool and that's why i've given him a typewriter anyway sorry i'm sorry about another one yes that's actually like this is one that i actually because i yeah get it all out i'm always like safe space i don't know if this is going to change people's opinions go on no it's not possible go on my a trait that i have loud and proud i'm not promoting this thing because i actually am also a complete fraud with it but i love cigarettes i knew you were gonna say that but also crucially i don't smoke which is so lucky so this is why i'm not promoting it because i'm saying i love

cigarettes someone start little fucking 14 year old that listens start smoking it's like no i don't actually smoke so but my toxic trait is that and if the sun is out and I've had a sip of alcohol, I do love a cigarette. The sun is out? But almost it's a sunny day. Yeah, day drinks. Oh my goodness. Okay. If I'm on a night out, I most likely will have a cigarette or two.

But I'm lucky in the sense that in the morning I don't crave them. Or like, I've basically, I've never had a cigarette cigarette on my own i'm the definition of a social smoker um so i don't want to promote it because it's definitely not no guys protect your life they're fucking they're fucking bad for you yeah um and i literally don't have them in any other aspect of my life but on a night out in the day on like a picnic day oh my god and you're not mad at it no not so i have no desire to change it but i think it's because it's at at the state it's such a minimum issue in my life yeah i think it's not something that oh i need to pop outside now to have a cigarette or anything like that which i think that would be a thing like okay this is a habit i want to work on

but because it's such a it's almost like a glass of champagne to me it's like just the delicious thing it's a delicious top um cherry on top of a sunny day a night out or something like that but they are fucking horrible guys yeah guys keep they are horrible but a lot of people did say i'm smoking or a lot of people like my vape i'll never give up my vape like i don't want to i'm happy for it and i just think look nowhere to push but i do think quitting smoking is a good place to push of course of course yeah but also like if your parents are going through a divorce and your little sister is in hell and you and your best friend are arguing i don't i'm not trying to force you into giving up smoking he's like like what else do you have to live for take your cigarette break it's okay i think it's all fine i think as well as removing the judgment from the reality of our lives actually makes it easier to do the whole self-improvement thing

because it's like when i feel forced into or shamed into a box of performing or being perceived as a certain type of person it feels so much harder and more unattainable to get myself closer to that version of myself that i would want to be whereas if it's like fuck it i'm happy with this girl she's whatever packet space raiders whatever who fucking cares not me literally couldn't care less not me it's the least of my worries no yeah no i enjoy take so much pleasure in little things like that but i think having the freedom to just be accepting of who you are and the things that you do enjoy that don't necessarily fit like the mold of what someone is gonna think is desirable or particularly special just makes you feel more confident in yourself because then

you can actually take a step back and be like okay what do i like that i do what don't i like that i do are the things that i want to change what don't i give a shit about changing i just am who i am blah blah blah you know couldn't agree lucy goosey that's how i feel like i think that's almost when i that was the first thing that came to my mind when it was like okay what's something that i do that i know is bad but i have no intention of stopping at all i saw a thing that someone was like i smoked kind of all day every day until i was 30 that was my deadline day and they stopped and blah blah blah there's no really punchline to the story it was just like they had set a deadline with themselves that they were

gonna start i just yeah i almost i remember people saying things like that at um school i remember people that smoked at school um it's like quickly do it now while i'm 16 and then i'll forget about it by the time yeah but this is this is the joke with like yeah i mean i've already covered it but i'm also coming i'm coming from a position of being like because i also like my dad smoked my he smoked for like my entire childhood really and then gave up like properly properly gave up when he was like 45 or something like that he's he hasn't smoked now for like i don't know 10 years um but i don't think he's 55 i'm age i was gonna say how old is your dad yeah no 53 i don't know yeah nice um and so like smoking has been in your life like i i've

been aware of the struggle of giving up or someone that actually has smokes in their life giving up and that's a massive fucking thing and i'm lucky that i've never had to have that so for me to be like oh yeah i'll have a cigarette every every month i'll have two cigarettes is almost like a bit of an arsehole thing to say but i also think in my life with my addictive tendencies which are clearly low on on in the tobacco area i'm not addicted to it which is great it's okay yeah it's a nice thing that i can add on to my life sometimes yeah sure of course delicious to me as well my parents were smoking back in the day um and now they both vape my dad still i don't know he probably wouldn't want me to say this but yeah both of them i don't know any adults that vape well now you do now you know two fucking nutters who vape

um on a long list of bad traits vaping is on there for both of them um but my dad still even when i was younger if my grandparents came to england my dad would like hide and pretend that he wasn't smoking and things like that and even for me actually so my mum used to get the brunt of my because i as soon as i was like this is probably what like 2004 as soon as i had the awareness that smoking was bad and it could kill you and it could harm your lungs stop and like yeah it was a thing oh my god it took over my whole personality was like shaming my like take like being absent i remember like throwing them over the garden fence and like trying to get rid of them yeah honestly so mental

clinging around my dad's legs screaming quit it's scary isn't it i'm addicted yeah he's like trust me he's crying he's like don't shame me i'm reading a book about it's really problematic of you i have an addiction um and i think i made a promise to myself as a kid like i would never smoke i would never be a smoker and now i have that real like um like i was a real like snobby kid about smoking because i was just so arrogant and like so determined that i would never be addicted to something so dumb that was my perception as a child that it's so dumb it's literally like yeah but it's also like what do you what else do you expect us to do human beings on this floating rock like we're stressed at work we've got shit going on we're fucking hungry like give me a break they are expensive though well this is

the good thing about being a social yeah you're not buying yourself good for you you just you see someone else whip out their little pouch you are also a serial pickpocketer you're taking this person hate to be this person and then i always say i always say that though i actually love to be this person yeah you do love to be that person i love to be that person free it's iconic and also people don't care we're queen hating cereal smoking addiction shaming donald's ordering pasta loving gals come out or is it harry potter quoting

that's the top that's the top that's the worst that's the worst for sure that is the worst yeah i've got a leg to stand on what's your um bad trait that you'd get rid of your bad habit i wouldn't get rid of it i know bad habit i wouldn't get rid of it oh no you that you wouldn't get rid of sorry i a bad habit you love i don't even want to say because it's so boring and predictable and just like oh whatever you're boring but i am quite obsessed with my dog to like a really boring annoying degree like i kiss him i smother him i strangle him i force him into snuggling you choke him i i choke him with with hugs i spank him that's actually a thing i do to him quite often yeah well that keeps him calm yeah he loves it i give him a nice little smooch i talk to him and i almost like i

do it out in public i'll be like holding him and kissing him and nuzzling him and talking to him like a baby and my boyfriend the other day was like what are you doing and i kind of had a bit of a you know one of those moments where you like zoom out of your own body you see yourself as like a third party observer and i was like god i'm really actually smooching this dog kind of as close to the mouth as you can get without actually kissing him on the lips we were actually talking about that the other day then yeah with dogs because you're into a lip thing i wouldn't go so far as to say i'm into no you're super into it like i i was just pointing out a difference in relationship that i've seen with myself with my dog and when i had cats yeah the

idea of my cat's rough tongue going anywhere near my mouth your mouth is enough to make me feel sick but my dog will lick me and it will go on my lips i think like he'll lick my face and i'm not licking it fucking off and you celebrate it i don't hate it i'm not like that's fucking rank if he licks my face and he will definitely lick my lips i'm not gonna go and like freak out about it how do you feel be honest if he licks your lips how do you feel you feel good no no i'm not here like loving it but it feels like i'm not like doing that again no but i'm not disgusted by it i think that's a bit weird though it's loving no no i don't know if i like it like i wouldn't i wouldn't choose it

i wouldn't say here are my lips get on licking i think we have to put a pause on this conversation yeah what the cycle back to it. All right, let's leave that there. That's too far. Okay, my dog I love. What else do I do? Yeah, I'm always ordering food.

I'm always sat playing. You know what? I've been playing Disney Dreamlight Valley on my Switch. And I've also been playing the new Bratz game as of this morning. The Disney Dreamlight Valley one is kind of animal crossing i've actually heard it's a bit similar to stardew valley which i do also want to get really which i need you to play because it's kind of like collecting and farming and like blah blah blah yeah moana's in it wally's in it you know all the gangs there yeah um i don't know it's all right um so i'm not mad at that what else someone actually said

oh no i don't want to do that one let me think i don't know what was that one what was that one they said change it slightly well they said a good thing but i will take a boring angle to it and i just can't be bothered so i hope you can respect my decision i'm setting up a boundary um okay this is a habit and i'm not mad at changing it i will never i will very very rarely just because i don't want one of my friends to listen and be like uh actually you did this on the 17th of february 1919 i mean um but i will never ever say no to like a social event if i can't afford it i'll just like make it work or go and scrimp or just do you know what i mean like i'm always ready to spend my money on going to the cinema with you or going out or doing something i find i'll deny myself in my private

personal life of everything everything literally everything every single thing but the minute you say to me oh should we go to this place and do blah blah blah it's like i'm scrapping for cash i'm tipping up the cushion covers and looking for the coins i'll do i'll do what i have to do to get it there we were actually talking about that recently we were talking about like what do we spend our money on like we were like where does this shit go every month yeah yeah go yeah what do we spend money on and we were saying like i think we spend money on like doing things i think we don't i don't know i'm not really a spender in my life at all until it comes to like meals out cinema like if if you were like shall we go here next week i would spend my money on it but i would also never buy myself kind of a 70 pound coat oh my even if you needed a new

luxury yeah the day that i would do what would that cost 70 quid that's the thing is i'm not mad at the way that i prioritize doing fun things with people that i love i love that i'm happy to do that but i um i do see how it's potentially not the best trait when i'm really willing to like deny myself with stuff that i need like i'll buy like the scabbiest like cheap razors and like do you know i mean little things like that where it's like yeah i was like i've had the same clothes for yeah yeah yeah but you've been you've gone to the cinema twice this week. It's like maybe just think. But then it's like I think maybe that's what I value in life.

But I would prioritise the cinema. Exactly. But then it's like but you should also value yourself. Yeah. Just definitely. Great advice. How are you feeling anyway these days? I'm feeling good.

Sorry I was just trying to look for another one. Is there anything you want to say to them um just to open up the floor for you i don't know if there's anything like coming to my mind about what i want to say oh do you know what i will say my co-star that was really good today yeah it helped me i know i never really use co-star these days but for some reason i got a notification today and it's really it broke through my life and it might be relevant to your life yeah i just said these rocks can either be stumbling blocks or stepping stones and i just really think god that hit me like a like a stepping stone in the face um just almost the the cards that you have dealt with to you right now, you can either, it's all perception, it can either be a stumbling, whatever it said, a stumbling rock or whatever.

Yeah. Stumbling block. You either trip over it and you're having chaos with it. Yeah. Or it can be just stepping stones. Taylor Swift says, I just built a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me. Oh, beautiful. That's so stunning. That's so stunning.

Yeah. That's the thing that I'm not mad about, the fact that I'm making Taylor Swift my whole personality. I just don't fucking care point me to something else that is as good i'll wait not gonna happen right well here i go then i'm happy i'm happy here yeah i think also in that vein just like my consumption of like media in general like kind of the amount of the amount um I will obsess over like film or tv show or even a book or like an album for example yeah like whatever it is that I'm obsessing with at that moment I think I've always felt um quite ashamed of like almost oh god like I will always want to watch TV or like I will

always want to watch a film like if someone says to me it could be like the perfect day like we're out and about and someone says do you want to go watch a film I will always that's always my top option of what we could do in a day and I've always thought oh is that like an incompatibility with reality and I think it

is in a certain way other than the fact that movies are a part of reality and i think it is in a certain way other than the fact that movies are a part of reality and it's almost like i do think in the last year i've been letting go of a bit of that yeah shame because i do think the people that i know that aren't particularly into movies and films i don't think their lives are so much richer no people that do i really actually to be honest think the opposite often and i think that it does bring a massive um depth and love and just like if you're watching something properly yeah i don't mean going on your fucking phone during a film no but if you're in it and you're loving it and it's a huge joy to you i don't i don't see any shame in

that i think if you want to do that all fucking day go movie movie movie movie movie movie movie seven fucking films back to back movie that's the fucking best day you can have yeah it's not necessarily a lazy i think i associate it with laziness yeah but it's actually fucking not it's the fucking least lazy shit you can do i agree it's stunning i actually feel really your life i feel really proud of myself when i finish like a series or a film i feel like oh good and take that off like i've consumed someone's art they made something and i also think it makes you feel in the way i feel similarly about books it's like once i finished it i don't i definitely don't feel more proud of myself finishing a book than i do finishing a film or a tv show i feel equally like good that was fun yeah yeah i feel so much that's how i view it

but i think that's because i've been conditioned to think and i do think it is it's more active reading of course yeah it takes time and it's personal and you're dedicating to yourself and you chose the book and you're doing it on your own and all of these things but in terms of like getting pleasure from consuming someone else's work yeah i don't think you should feel yeah i think like it when i know that i've watched a film or um watched a series that people are talking about as well and like i feel like now okay i'm just brushing up on my cultural knowledge that i can understand those tweets a bit better now or i can like yeah participate in a different conversation now i don't feel like that is any less i i completely appreciate that it's different but i don't think it's any less

kind of amazing than sitting down and reading a book if the reason is like joy and interest yeah interest in that thing or fun or whatever it's like well there's no difference there the difference is just in the level of um sort of um attention span that you need to do to do that thing do you know what i i actually listened to on audible recently um the midnight library what were your thoughts you didn't like last year you didn't know i did like it oh i did like it but it was i was just saying you hate me and matt haig you hate the midnight library and you hate me okay good i'm glad you actually did like it quite festive i finished it last night it's quite sweet i thought it was really sweet and always just one of those it's just ultimate

comfort it's like oh i can go into a different world can i do you see what i mean like his his writing is very safe i don't feel judged by him i completely agree i knew exactly what you meant when as soon as i was listening to it i was just like yeah i get it it's carrie mulligan doing the audible isn't it it is it's her she's absolutely stunning i did have to put her on um one point two times speed yeah fair enough i would say fair enough i did really like it i'm sure everyone's doing that to us right now i think they probably have to slow us down no it's like 0.8 would be great for us no just take it down a notch just take it down a notch maybe the volume turn it right down well how are you how are we doing i'm good i watched the white lotus recently have you seen it

no i haven't seen that i think you'd quite like it the white lotus i haven't even heard i believe it's written by the guy who wrote school of rock oh well you know i'm going to love it then that's one of my top three films you will have heard of it because it was trending for having theo james penis in it no i have never heard of this wow well you should watch it i think you'd like oh yeah no i have i've just googled it okay fine but no i've never i've never seen it though i've never seen it it's i think a good blend of actually reminded me of the morning show just in the way that you know there yeah it's not bad is it fucking hell yeah i genuinely think he's like beyond stunning of course goes without saying

he is really one of the founding pillars of this podcast lots of you probably don't know that but him and his penis are a big part of how this podcast started which was us talking about how much we loved him in divergent as um what's his name tobias eaton oh no why have i called him yeah his name is four his name is four but it's revealed later that he's actually said tobias i was gonna say where have i got four from that's his name is four four he's got four fears you know it right god yeah like the back of my hand it all comes back to me oh god it's so bad and then she has that dream that he is like her divergent thing yeah she doesn't like it yeah she has a dream that he's like gonna assault her and then wakes up

and he's like you did so well it's like the weirdest they played it in front of everyone really really it's like oh dear the worst bit is when she cuts all her hair off and she's like he's like you look great get her hair back but i was thinking did she misogyny jumps out yeah no it's purely internalized misogyny if i just don't like yeah yeah um but i'm thinking did she have to cut her hair sort of contractually for Spock and the Stars? Of course. Yeah, yeah, she did. I think she did.

I think that's in the thing. I thought you were saying, did she have to cut her hair because she's, what's it called? What's her group? The running ones? The brutal people? Dauntless. Yeah, she's dauntless. She needs to be more streamlined.

She needs to be air resistant. Yeah's her aerodynamics need to be better but i'm thinking maybe for insurgent they just couldn't get her a good wig because she had short hair the fact that they didn't even release the last film it's a fucking they didn't even make it i know it's such a bummer but it did what is it a divergent insurgent and the third one and what was the last one supposed to be don't know detergent yeah something like that yeah i don't know i can't even think of any other words yeah well i guess that's us then yeah cool i like this i had fun today same i think it's been a little giggle fest okay. Okay, that's good.

I just hope everyone feels good and just like free. Like guys, you are who you are. Like, and I feel like as well, we're really hard on ourselves and think like, God, I'm not good enough. I'm this and I'm that. You know what did actually put things into perspective for me? Taylor Swift saying something about her fucking narcissism

being disguised as altruism, like some kind of congressman. Get a grip. Like if you can convince yourself that you're not a good person i just feel like look i have faith that most of the people listening are generally pretty good and like yeah you are okay like you are doing what you can do do i mean just definitely take the pressure off so like the amount of guilt that we can see in these dms or like not not the dms the question boxes and also dms people saying oh i feel so bad i know i should quit blah blah it's like

no no no no like don't worry about it crisps why don't you have another have another one rather than feeling guilty about it why don't you just have yeah one have another one when you have some cigarettes as well i'll send you to an early grave it all went wrong when she started listening to that podcast ghost i'm saying the second wing don't smoke cigarettes guys no i just take care of yourself lucky gene that i can have one and not one another you might for now for now for now exactly i'm walking in danger yeah she is um so and on that note if you don't hear from us, assume the worst. We'll see you next time.