Goes Without Saying - Being Misunderstood is a Skill Issue

Episode Date: October 18, 2026

EP009 - Is being perceived worse than being disliked? Spiralling on: the looking glass self, nervous system regulation, the difference between intent and impact, and how suffocating other people's opinions can be. @makesyouspiral Watch on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Follow on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

I don't think you have a fear of being perceived. I think you have a fear of being misunderstood. Struggling with being misunderstood is a skill issue. And it's a skill issue I struggle with and have struggled with my entire life. But I want to validate that for a second. Because I think the sort of wider conversation around that is basically, why would you care what anyone else thinks? I'll tell you why.

Because you're a human being and you need to be seen and you need to be supported and you need to be validated. Because the way that you take your clues about who you are and how you should respond to the situation that you're in, When you have no clarity in yourself, you can't help but find those clues in the responses of other people. We can sit around imagining through the looking glass, some sort of imagined omnipresent critic in your life, how other people might be perceiving us all the time every day from now until the rest of our lives. You need to be really careful with the people that you are allowing to fill those supportive roles in your life.

We made it though. made it though. Hello. Okay, I'll tell you something and you can infer from that because you're a clever cookie. Do you remember me saying that if you have a dream on a Friday night, if you tell someone about it Saturday morning, it comes true. So if you have a good dream on a Friday, I want you to announce it to everybody. If you have a bad dream on a Friday, I'm going to need you to keep it zipped, okay? Especially if it has something to do with me. not to imply that you could ever dream about me, but maybe you have. So I have something that I would like to say to you,

but I need you to read between the lines as to why I maybe cannot bring it up right now. And play it on the safe side, okay? It's supposed to be before midday on a Saturday, but I would honestly wait until like Tuesday, Wednesday if I were you. I'm not in a rush to announce something bad, all right? So that's where I'm at. My sleep has been so bad for like, it feels like 100 years at this point.

But we're still going and we're good. I'm still doing the short, dark nails. What are our thoughts on that as a collective? Because, I don't know, I hate to say I'm into it. It does feel like a new sort of, I feel like a new person. How is October treating you? I'd love to know. How is October treating me?

God, how would I begin to describe it? Actually, everything's fine. I'm just, wow. I'm sort of haunted by something. And I actually saw beautiful Naina the other day, Queen Naina. I'm making a heart on the video. If you're watching the video and if you're not watching the video, then just know I'm giving all of my love.

Beautiful Naina I saw the other day and I really chewed her ear off about a certain situation. Sorry about that, Nena, but there's a certain something haunting me at the moment. And it just comes in flashes. Like, honestly, it's like, how am I going to put this into words? It's like, what if you're going through something horrible? But like, if you're going through something challenging, a difficult situation, some sort of like grief, some sort of conflict, some, if your life is awry right now,

if something is a foot, boy, I feel you. Because I can't believe we just expect people to just get on with their lives when they're just going through something horrible. even though honestly 90% of my life really nice at the moment and I'm feeling very happy there's just something who there's something that every now and then it hits and you're just going about your life and then all of a sudden it hits and I really chewed nana's ear off about that but also actually first well hi nana oh I love you and she did say she listened so I have to take your word for it that you're here right now and thanks.

Plurman heck. I also have just been out and had a little sip of a Guinness and some cider and a coffee. So I'm a little bit. I'm at my best, some may say. Oh, before we get into the episode, would you mind, if you're planning on sticking around, if I've sold myself to you, oh, I don't love that, as a phrase. But if I have won you over, some may say,

follow on Spotify, you could. But I have to say like, look, I do love you on Spotify. If you're listening on Spotify, there's some sort of like trust in the connection. There's some sort of like, I don't know. It's like when you comment on Spotify, I believe you. Like, you've earned your right to be here. I can't explain it. Oh, do you remember in the last one?

I said something like, oh, I got quite a few messages about this being like, yeah, hold on to it. So I'm going to under your instruction and also, I think I agree. But now I can't remember it. Basically I said like this is not coherent. And I know I said weird and thoughtful, I think. Weird and thoughtful musings for weird and thoughtful girls. That's what's happening here. If you see yourself in that, if you want to stick around, God, I love you.

If you're put off immediately, that's okay. We'll wave you off so fondly. Farewell. Remember when we spoke about me speaking about my relationship with my mum and also I've got a lot of messages. is about just like weird family stuff in general. Let's speak about that. I want to gather your thoughts on that. So the place to do that,

let's say the Spotify comments. And also, if you're not Spotify, girly pops, you can be on the Instagram because I'm thinking of doing one of those channels where it's like a group chat. And I think I'm going to call it the inner spiral. Get it?

Like, inner circle, in a spiral. And it's like, you know, like if you're in it. because I kind of just want, like, to cut the riff-ruff respectfully. I need this to be a safe zone just between us. And I know that there's people lurking in the bushes, which is absolutely fine. And you're more than welcome to lurk wherever you want. Like, what did I think was going to happen by talking shit on the internet. It was just a bit easier to do that, I think, with Seffi around,

because it's very, I don't want to use word confronting, even though it is. but what's the word? I feel very exposed. If I'm going to drop any big info on this podcast now, I don't have Seffy to hide behind or, yeah, it's just come to my attention that people who know me in real life, who maybe wouldn't have listened before when it was meeting Seffi because they didn't want to, like, intrude on a conversation with my friend,

are now just intruding on my life. I'm joking, you're not intruding. It's something that I put out publicly and you're absolutely within your right. and if you had a podcast, I would probably be curious every now and then and maybe click about. But I do think if, like, would you mind telling me? Would you mind? Like, if you know me, just be like, hey, I listen to that episode. But anyway, on Spotify, this is your invitation now to leave comments and thoughts about a family episode,

a dilemma that you are in a situation that you're feeling about your relationship with your mom or just like weird family shit in general. And if you're not on Spotify, or you don't want to put it on Spotify because... I don't know, like you don't want me to see your playlist or something. Look, I get it. Although, feel free to roam around my playlist. They are available. Bum-bada-bam.

Then come to the Instagram and go into that In-A-Spiral channel. And also, I'll probably just be putting stuff on the stories. Just because, do you think that's the easiest way to get your thoughts and feelings? The only other thing I can think is, like, what, opening up a fucking email? And you're all emailing. You're just not doing that, are you? It's like, God forbid, I think you do enough emails. Am I right?

I don't want to bring you to an inbox, I'm sorry. That said, speaking of inbox, this is honestly a moment where I love my life, I love my life, I couldn't be luckier. Look how cute this is, if you're watching the video. Basically, this came to my attention, and honestly, boy, did I need it. Anytime something nice happens to me at the moment,

I'm like, I really needed that. Literally the smallest thing, honestly, just something lovely happens to me. I'm like, I really needed that. I was hanging by a thread. The cutest thing I need to be careful, but I'm not going to flash my address. But I feel like everyone else is on the snail melt hype and not me. And I feel like everyone else is on the journaling hype and not me.

But, I mean, I kind of am, but I'm not doing it cutely. I'm doing it fugly. I love what a crazy word. I'm doing it in a fugly way. Look how fucking special this is. Sorry. Let me make it look nice because I sort of, I tore it open. I'm a tear it open kind of girl.

I'm actually not, like, if you were to get me a present, which would be crazy, you don't have to do that. I'm joking, like, you really don't have to do that. Like, what am I saying? But if anyone gives me a present, I do take pride in opening it carefully. I don't know why I'm telling you, that's like, okay, it's a weird thing to brag about. Do you know what I mean? It's just that have respect for the paper. Have respect for the cellarite.

If you're watching the video, this is exclusively for you. You're not seeing the quall of this paper, but this really brought me a lot of joy. If you're in this sort of like analogue appreciating beautiful things world this is the cutest thing I've ever seen it's called Return to Angels I believe you can find it on Return to Angels on Instagram

yeah at Return to Angels I love that phrase what a wonderful phrase see things like that like it's like what I'm referencing Hakuna Matata it's like no Stefan you need to be here for that that's embarrassing and it's more normal when someone else's on the other side going

do you know what I mean Like, it's like what I need to acknowledge every time. Ha, ha, ha. Like, I was being silly there. That was just a, that was just a goofy thing I said. Anyway, what I was trying to say is, really beautiful thing at Return to Angels. I'm obsessed.

What a gift to have something beautiful come through your front door. Like, are we actually joking? Sweet. So thank you so much, Mrs. Return to Angels. I really appreciate it. Just like the cutest little letter. Ugh. Stickers.

You joking? Honestly, stickers. coming through the front door, it's how, I've really needed that. Like, no, I've, I've really needed them stickers, so thank you. And I'm not, I'm being so dead serious. And also, this one is kind of like a little spiral. So cute. Okay. Speaking about Naina, two references, I spoke to her about this, I'm sure. Yeah. Okay, so this actually started, Naina, I hate to say, I've actually been talking to other people about this. And you won't even remember that I said this. Because it's such a non-issue, honestly. So basically,

one of my friends is going through a situation is how many times you have friends they go through weird things and they were basically saying that they are in this sort of isolated situation where no one else that they know is going through a specific kind of thing they spoke to a friend about it

and their friend just said some random shit basically and they just had to stomach that they didn't have to, sorry by the way there's an Olsen tuck going on I haven't cut my hair but I don't know I'm liking the way that this has happened to me. I know I said in the last one, don't comment about my hair, but maybe you should.

Like, what do you think is happening here? What do you think I should do? But you have to tell me, honestly, looks maxed me, but can you do it nicely? And basically just say that everything's perfect already. That would be nice. I just don't know what to do. And it's like, do I cut it all off? I can't.

I couldn't possibly. As if I don't have enough to think about. As if a woman doesn't have enough to think about it's like, then my hair, my hair. Are you actually taking the piss? Oh, it was better before us. I'd fuffing about with her, mate. I just, I know with everything in me, I'm going to finish this episode, look back and be like, why did I not just untuck my hair?

Are you thinking the same thing? With my best, best friends, a hairdresser as well, maybe I should ask her. For advice, I haven't replied to her text. I'm sorry, girl, you know who you are. Yanks. Anyways, fuck me. spit it out. One of my friends are going through a situation. She spoke to her other friend about it. Her other friend said some crazy shit. And now not only does she have to deal with the situation,

but she has to deal with her interpretation of how her friend has interpreted the situation. Do you see what I'm saying? Basically just, you know when you're going through a weird thing and you're looking around like, no one else is going through this weird thing? You try and talk to a friend about it. Now they say a weird thing about you a weird thing. Now what? And I was talking to Nainer about. it as well, very briefly, because we have the conversation of when you're going through something weird, and especially when you're on your own in that experience, you tell something to somebody. Now you're at their mercy, because if I know anything, people are going to say weird shit, especially about something that they don't have experience in or they don't understand.

Obviously, it's the risk of interaction. It's the price of connection and love and being honest about your own shit that you're going through and there is no way around that like you do need to feel seen and understood and like you can share your burdens in your life but and this is sort of my musing at the moment when you're in a situation where you are particularly fragile and what I mean by that is it's a weird one you are stumped and particularly when something is raw and fresh and it's not something that you have managed to make sense of yet yourself because you're in the thick of it for whatever reason. When you don't have clarity on a situation and then you open up to someone who you love and trust and whatever because you need them

and you need to get things off your chest and that is human nature and as you should, it's so tricky because now you are truly at the mercy of whatever they say back to you Because the way that you take your clues about who you are and how you should respond to the situation that you're in, when you have no clarity in yourself, you can't help but find those clues in the responses of other people. There have been so many times in my life where I've been going through something on my own. And speaking about the family episode, like, as an only child, a survivor of the only child life, they wouldn't even get me a dog. Again, like, I'm not trying to dig them out, but are you joking? Is it not the least you could do? Anyway, just save it, save it.

Boo-hoo, she didn't get a dog. But like, hello? No wonder I've got a podcast. All I did was chat shit by myself in my room. It's so sad. Anyway, I'm over it. Convincing. Many a time I've been going through a situation

and because I have, first of all, not been that willing to share it with people, that's done me over. And then also, when I do share it with people, A lot of the time, people's instinct is, because they love you, they want you to feel okay in a situation, which is so nice. I really appreciate that. But would you mind watching your tone? Sometimes people are in trying to make you feel better and alleviate you of the burden of whatever sort of emotional turmoil and challenges that you're going through. What they vocalise with you can really be minimizing the situation that you have found yourself in. What I mean by that is you say, oh my God, this thing is fucking shit, blah, blah, blah, blah. In that moment, really, you probably just need an ear on it. You probably just need a soundboard and some validation, ultimately.

And maybe you're met with it's not that bad because, or this is, you know, what actually is good is because blah, blah, blah. Or you haven't thought about this or, oh, well, at least it's not like this and whatever, da-da-da. But when you have a tricky situation on your hands where it's so difficult to find sense in something, you cannot help but swallow up the words that someone else has given you. And if they've given you something that is unfortunately feeling like it's minimizing the situation that you're going through, not through malintent, but intent is not the same as impact. And unfortunately, there could be some mal-impact happening by trying to, soften something or offer you a positive or whatever, it feels as though your feeling about a

situation is invalidated. And in feeling that, especially when it's something on your own, you're then reinforcing the idea that you're basically just not whatever, you're not handling it well or you can't confine in them anymore. You shouldn't be, you're being dramatic about it, whatever, da-da-da. I do feel particularly, and I want to make this clear as young women, there is, I think, a big cultural emphasis on not being dramatic. This is my invitation to you. I want as much drama as possible. If you're fancying kicking up the drama and the hysteria a little bit today, feel free.

God, I've really been thinking, I saw like a video the other day of women like screaming. I think they paid to be there, which makes it a little bit less appealing to me. But it was some sort of like anger retreat for women. And it's like, honestly, I wouldn't mind it. Because if there's one emotion I don't let myself feel, it's anger, I, if someone, I've said this before, if someone does me over, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, no, you're so right, I'm a piece of shit, I'm evil, and I'm a bad person, and you're so right, honestly, just get out, absolutely, get me out of your life. Oh, I haven't plough my laptop in, ah! Oh my God, sorry, I just went to get my charger

from the other room, and my dog is so conked out, he came to the pub with me. and he is actually like, he looks like his out was not. He's still alive for everyone checking in. Evil eye, evil eye, evil eye, he will never die. Genuinely, and I'm announcing this now, my dog, Ozzie Moriarty, will outlive every enemy. Any tongue, what is it? Basically, if you don't like my dog, you're fucked.

And I curse you with that. Sorry, no regrets. Yeah, there have been many times where when you're all, someone who finds it difficult or just doesn't often find yourself sharing things with others for whatever reason. It does put you in a bit of a predicament when you drop something in with someone and they say something that is like, would you mind fucking off actually? Like, you've already pissed me off. So anyway, that's something I've been thinking recently, something that I've been saying to everyone that I've ever met, what do you think? Do I hate my hair tart?

or should I just get it out? Let's try it out and see. No, I hate that. Yeah, no, that's way worse. That's way worse. It needs to be tucked. Oh, fuck. Fuck it, mate.

Oh, God. The air wrap strikes back. See? No, I can't be on my own saying things like that. It's something that we have spoken about for years and years and years. The idea of a sort of ever-present critic in your life, who is perceiving and judging everything you ever do. the ways that we basically interpret ourselves who we are and our behaviours

and the things that we should or shouldn't be allowed to do, the actions we should or shouldn't take, are informed by the way that we see other people. The concept of the looking glass self. Have you ever heard the more beautiful term? The looking glass self. Oh, there's something in that. I fucking love it.

This is like a fucking Victorian-Edwardian concept. This is from yonks ago. And actually, look, As a history graduate, so much love to the historians. I am one of you. Do you know what I mean? And like, if you won't let me in, then shut up. What am I saying?

Honestly, everything I ever do, I feel like is informed by trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. What I think with so much love and curiosity? What is wrong with you? And why? Like, huh? I would love to know, like, why?

Did you see what happened? Why? What? A bit weird, no. Why? What happened there? For example, currently studying psychotherapy and I'm a history graduate. You know why? I'm looking for clues.

I'm sniffing them out. Give me the clue. Tell me why. Why did this happen? People are coming up with concepts hundreds of years ago that are giving me so much love and validation for things that I'm going through today. It's not a coincidence. You know why? We're just one big human race. This is not I get really fluffy, but like, do you not think that's nice that you're walking down streets that people have cried down the street a hundred times. Do you get what I'm saying? You're walking down, one time, I had an interview once at Conday Nurse when I was like 21 or something. And I remember it actually went really well. It actually went really well, but I came out of that building in my little dress running out of the Vogue office, crying, running down Regent Street, I went in my little

dress crying my eyes out in the rain. And then I thought, I'm not the first girl to do that. That feels nice. Isn't that special? I suppose what I'm saying is you're not the first weird and depressed girl on the planet, trust me, because I've got there first. Mr. Charles Cooley, coming up with this concept, early 1900s we're talking, guys,

this is a long time ago. He was basically talking about his angle, his proposition was essentially, we are in a constant state of imagining how we appear to people around us, imagining their judgment

of how we appear to them and experiencing an emotional response to that. Not a day goes by, I don't see people talking about, I have a fear of being perceived, etc, etc. I don't think you have a fear of being perceived. I think you have a fear of being misunderstood. Struggling with being misunderstood is a skill issue. And it's a skill issue I struggle with and have struggle with my entire life.

But I want to validate that for a second because I think the sort of immediate response and the larger conversation, the wider conversation around that. is basically why would you care what anyone else thinks? I'll tell you why because you're a human being and you need to be seen and you need to be supported and you need to be validated. Have you thought about? I don't love the narrative of like this is an irrational fear and you shouldn't care what other people think and you shouldn't consider and every now and then worry about how other people might be perceiving you. You're a human being and you are inundated with the idea that people are watching you at all times. I can sit here and tell you like no one cares about you that much. No one's

paying that much attention. You're fine either way. You're valid either way. All of those things. Yeah, true. But also, I hear you. Of course, you're a bit worried of being like, oh, did they think I'm, my thing is, they think I'm annoying. They think I'm silly. Guys, they think my hair looks bad tucked, for example. Yeah, it's not the best use of my time thinking these thoughts, but it is a natural human response because humans need to feel supported. You need to feel the weight of I'm not the first girl to run down Regent Street crying my eyes out and address in the rain. You need to feel that sense of telling your friend something that you've just gone through and feeling like they see you and validate that emotional reaction from you.

The idea of being misunderstood is really, really scary because you feel a biological threat to your safety on this planet. You need to feel seen and secure in your tribe. And when you're not feeling that, of course it literally feels like hell on earth, like you're being held at gunpoint or whatever because your friend said, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Blow my fucking brains out, why don't you? That said, I think it's a skill issue because I think there is room to validate the fear of, people watch me sometimes.

Ah, I exist in other people's minds. Sorry, I'm not taking the piss out of you, by the way. This is just my insides. This is what happens. This is what happens when I'm home alone. I run around going, ah, people watching me. Ah, whatever. blah, blah, blah. You think doing this is easy, first of all. Even just, can I be frank? Just

existing on this planet is a little bit jarring to me, let alone sitting down and being like, here are my musings this week. What do you think of them? I'm all on my own. What do you think of my thoughts? What do you think of my brain? What do you think of my hair? It's not the easiest thing I've ever done. But I'm not bad at it. Am I? No, I think we find our flow every now and then. Today feels like a nice one. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I sit down and I'm like, oh, this is tough, tummy ache, but actually, this one's all right. If Mr. Charles Cooley back in his day sitting in his armchair thinking, huh, I think we're conscious of how we might be perceived by others and we make assumptions in our mind about the negative ways that people might

interpret us and our actions and how do we live with that feeling? No, it's a good point, Charles. and we should probably start thinking about it sooner rather than later, because it's been like 100 years and we still have not put it into practice. I think it's important to validate the idea that you're scared of how other people might perceive you. I think it's so valid to feel uncomfortable when you feel misunderstood by other people,

especially by people that you love and that you need in your life. And then I think it's also important to say that sometimes the people that you love most in your life, sometimes the people that love you the most in your life, can actually end up being the most sort of suffocating with the things that they say to you because their words have more weight. Someone just like passing by says something annoying or like you see something that you, you know, every fucking Tom Dick and Harry have an opinion you,

it might not be very nice, but it's whatever. Someone that you love and you trust and you like tell your insides to or you respect their judgment, you respect their perspective. If they say something that doesn't necessarily land or resonate with the way that you feel or the way that you feel like they should interpret you. No, it's going to hurt. Okay, it doesn't feel nice. That's all right.

It's okay. You know what? It's going to happen again, okay? Just respectfully, that's going to keep happening. Yeah, the more we stick around, and I want you to stick around more than anything, it's going to keep happening. And this is my last words to you.

It's a skill issue, okay? It's a muscle that we can build. Because you'll tell you what, you're tough enough. Hell yes, you're tough enough. Ed Miliband, my king, not really, people's opinions of you do matter to you. That's something that isn't going to go away. But what we can change is the response that we have to that.

And I think reminding yourself as much as possible that we can sit around imagining through the looking glass how other people might be perceiving us all the time every day from now until the rest of our lives. But it's what makes you human. And I don't, it isn't a sort of, it's just not as easy as like, don't care what people think of you, don't worry about being perceived because they don't matter. That's a portion of it, absolutely. Like, you know, there's not really much sense in living your life through the lens of some sort of imagined omnipresent critic in your life. But also it hurts when you're not

feeling understood. I just think there's something special in recognising that, like, you're not static and you're not always going to be validated. So you know what happens next? My two sort of angles on this are, beyond recognising that it hurts being misunderstood, now what? What now, then? I just feel so bleak and in pain for the rest of my life. No, no, I have the answer. Don't you worry? I don't really. But we could try. First of all, I think there's a, and this is a little bit of like a, this is a me thing and also a psychotherapy thing. This is so legit. I fear this is a nervous system issue. I fear this is a lack of regulation and you needed to eat, actually. I think what was most important was not necessarily imagining what the friend that you met up with to,

ago and you didn't mention that they said something weird and now you're feeling off and now you've been thinking about it every night since and da-da-da-da-da. Let's park that just for a sec and go and like eat a bag of crisps for me. Would you mind? And if you've just eaten, would you mind just like sitting down for a second and just like breathing for literally 10 seconds? Do you know how annoying it is that every problem I've ever had gets a little bit smaller when I just like sit and breathe? Ooh, that's annoying. But my problems are bigger than breathing. Uh-uh. Not always. No, no, no. Your problems might be bigger than breathing. But the breathing makes everything feel easier and I wish that I was the first person to say that so it didn't feel so fucking trite and annoyinging. But it is sort of revolutionary because you're not listening and you haven't done it. And I don't do it all the time. Someone tells me to breathe and I'm like, would you mind go fucking yourself? Like, how dare you? Do you think I'm fucking thick? A nice deep breath or two or three. Honestly, just a deep breath for five seconds. I just, just a deep breath for five seconds. doesn't hurt, does it? Oh, then everything just becomes so meaningless. Oopsie. It's a nervous system

issue. Okay? That's my first proposition to you is go and eat a bag of crisps and sit down for a second with me. Thank you so much. My second, you know, once you've had a nap, then I might start thinking about it being a self-esteem issue. Again, with the psychotherapy angle, this is very CBT. And this is where the sort of like, what does it matter? What they think of you sort of comes in. That to me is secondary to all of that sort of challenging perspectives and like trying to feel confident and like, woohoo, yippie, is so motivated and I'm just going to do whatever I want or like I feel like I don't need anyone else to validate me. I just validate my own shit, etc, etc. What a wonderful, wonderful phrase.

Embarrassing. But what a wonderful perspective to have. It's fleeting. It's so lovely. It's Advent calendar chocolate. It's not a full meal. I'm going to need you to find something. with sustenance to keep us going because as lovely as that is, you can't rely on fleeting moments

of confidence. You have to build a bigger foundation than that. And that is by the long term effort that it takes of validating yourself over and over. And I think, again, like, this is something that we could touch on properly at a later date, but sort of in the CBT of it all, feel like, I'm sure I said this at some point, but I'm saying it all the time. Sometimes people think, I have thought this many times in my life, because I'm a real dick. I often think, like, I have thought so many times, this isn't working. Oh, this doesn't work for me. Like, no, no, no.

My therapist thinks that I can just sit back and be like, oh, what if I'm not annoying? What if, like, blah, blah, blah, challenge the thought, etc, etc. It takes so long. I did say this on the podcast. Remember me saying this? It takes longer than, like, two weeks of effort. to change a new pathway in your brain that has been built up for 20 years. I'm sorry.

It's going to take longer than that. But I believe that you can do it. Erland Harland goal. My fantasy captain. Do you want to add me on Premier League fantasy? I don't know if you can do that. But, mate, I am fucking raking in the points. Oh my God.

I'm top of my family league. Who knew? Like, I couldn't get into football in a normal way. I had to get into a football in a way of like, and now I'm going to be the best. I was like, well, I can't play. So I'll be the best at watching football. I'm going to be the best at observing the players.

We can't talk about it enough, the way that who you believe yourself to be and just how validated you feel in your life and how supported you feel in your life. It is so hard to support yourself 24-7. You need to be really careful with the people that you are allowing to feel those support. roles in your life and just just be aware of that for me please you are not a static being you are

allowed to change change your mind you're allowed to go through tough shit and tell you what i'm feeling something at the moment sort of going back to what i was saying about like going through a hard thing i have a really logical perspective on it i feel good about what i've done and whatever in a sad situation but the waves of like that emotion that that pain hit multiple times a day on a rough day and it just is a part of it and that doesn't mean you know what like I really went off when I thought of being a spiral going back to where you started but wiser this time going back to where you started but with more love for yourself love you you know what my favourite thing is as well I'm just actually honestly greedy guts greedy

guts is never enough, but look, you don't have to do anything. Just listen for a few seconds every now and then. Thank you so much. But boy, do I love when someone says, I never usually comment on things, but I had to say, I love you so much. Oh, wow. You never usually comment on things. Wow, thank you. That is really fucking nice of you. You don't have to ever say anything. I feel your presence, okay? Seance for your presence. right now, I feel it. We're holding hands. I feel your presence here, but it is nice when you announce your presence, I have to say. So come onto the Instagram in a spiral. You could email if you want, but like, fucking hell. I wouldn't ask that, have you? And drop your thoughts on the Spotify

comments if you're at the Spotify comments right now. Love to see you there. Just validate yourself, okay? No one's, honestly, nobody's coming, Harry. Oh, that hurts. Nobody's coming to validate you. apart from me. Right. So, and also, look, respectfully, with so much love, let me know what you think about the tuck. I don't know how I feel about that. You can always count on me.

All right, you know, you could never do any wrong. Murder them. You had a good reason. Oh, maybe I shouldn't say that. I'm getting a roast tomorrow. At Salt Shed in Brighton. I have actually had a roast there before, and it was fucking insane.

Oh, bloody Earl and Harlan, Harland. Thank you so much. much, my friend. Okay, with love and see you around. I don't want to go. I never want to go. All right, bye. All right, look, I'm just going to drop this in now, because if you're still here, then like, look, no promises, but if I said Podmus, what would you say? What would you say? Be honest.