Goes Without Saying - burn out: for personal reasons we will be running away-

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

overwhelmed and burnt out? same. join your wholesome and exhausted faves (sephy & wing) for this extra relevant episode of Goes Without Saying. from the ongoing battle between anxious productivity and crippling depression, to how we can ~actually~ allow ourselves to rest, we're discussing capitalism and hustle culture's worst enemy: burn out. come and join your burnt out besties as we redefine what it means to be 'productive' and learn to be disciplined in our commitments to ourselves. emma, it might be you. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram! you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/vhxEKsT2vd Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying, we are back for another episode of Goes Without Saying. What a blessing it is to be back. I'm so excited for this episode. I'm joined by the lovely Sephi in her prime. Hey everyone. And I am Wing and today we are discussing all things burnout. Quite topical. We get quite personal. Quite topical. Quite relevant. It's a very wholesome episode I think. I think this is a really nice one if you are feeling lost overwhelmed don't know where to fucking turn in this godforsaken life

sephie and wing are here to help you can't say we're gonna be very helpful but we are here to try and help you stay tuned thank you for listening okay we've got some explaining to do i feel like nods you can't just nod on a podcast. I'm getting rusty at this. Okay, so we're so sorry, Mr. Weak. I think this is our most attempted recording. I think it took us five attempts to get where we are today. God.

We didn't even press record many of those times, but I think we sat down to record five times. Too many times. And I think I probably cried four out of five of those times. Every time. And said, I'm not doing this because I can't even sit upright. What have you done to her, guys? I just think it's perfect that we're talking about productivity

because I think it's fair to say we are literally burnt out to some little cinders. Right. Burnt out. And not even burnt out with the like practical it's it's you know it's psychological burnout yeah entirely do you know what it is self-hatred i mean to put it in layman's terms i'd call it depression it's kind of i would say maybe like low self-esteem which is great um so shall we shall we just fill fill everybody in from start to finish let's feel okay i don't even know what the start of it is what's the start oh i never had covid as

well that was great oh yeah you didn't that is great i think the last time we spoke i was heading into a lockdown lockdown into an isolation i keep calling it lockdown everyone's like it's not a lockdown yeah so i did the 10 days and i think it just was not i honestly didn't it didn't mesh well with my energy i'm not really vibing with this isolation so one look at her and thought i'm not getting involved in that i've seen enough i'll just let that play out as it would quite unfair to leave everyone hanging that we were like sephie's got covid like assume the worst like won't be back next week and then we actually legitimately weren't back okay so you didn't have covid that was good the isolation was hard shall we get into the self-hatred just a

little bit let's just get let's just dip our toes in the pool of self-hatred i think it's just a hard time at the moment like i've also just got like a big fucking life shit going on family like i can't even talk about it um stuff but then i just think everything else is just amplified in terms of i don't even know what in terms of i'm coming to a boiling point of shit i think sometimes in life just things get brought up yeah and things come to the surface and they need to be dealt with yeah and i think what we're finding as well is that that just happens in any old life. But in this bizarre, silly little life that Sophie and Wing have constructed, where they turn up every week and kind of give a very, like, personal, anecdotal, intimate hour,

it comes up in a different way. Because, I mean, and it goes for both of us. We just can't come to the episode come to a big i don't know like a it's just it's uh it's just it's just hard it's it's what is this thing and yeah like it doesn't have to be deep and personal and blah blah blah but it we're we're it is deep and personal to us right now we're learning i think that's the sort of thing i was feeling that i find that we can't do this and not be fully honest like even if it steps into an oversharing vibe at times i do think it's like impossible to have a microphone in front of you and not talk about what's going on in your life i physically find it impossible

if you're being honest if you're being honest of course but then i think that was the thing that it's like okay so if i record this week as in last week i would be lying to all of you i would have to be so i'm going to work productivity right now productivity and burnout but like but i can't get out of bed you'd have to miss out half the story yeah and even though it's like yeah in the episode no doubt we were gonna say and we may be about to say guys fuck capitalism fuck it like live your life you don't need to be productive at all but it's like no i'm not living that i'm manic right now i'm like scrapping for what i can like i can't come and kind of talk about i can't do anything that isn't just like fucking get me through these 10 days but also just kind of what the fuck am i gonna do in life i feel terrible and every day following kind of

every day following yeah i just feel like i reached a boiling point of like i'm i hate to say it that it's hate to bring up fucking body dysmorphia once again because i hate the idea of becoming the body dysmorphia girl she literally never brings it up she literally never brings it up like like people are hearing this for the first time they're like what well i think i'm just i've reached a breaking point with that i think okay when i talk about self-hatred blah blah i'm just literally talking about body dysmorphia i've reached a boiling point with that, I think, okay, when I talk about self-hatred, blah, blah, blah, I'm just literally talking about body dysmorphia. I've reached a boiling point with that, that I've realized I cannot live my life like this. I cannot live my life with this level of just like fear around my own body. I need to get over this. And I think it's like, I cannot be honest to you guys

if I don't get over it, because I'll be saying, you guys will be saying, oh my God, you're pretty, you're pretty. And all I'll be hearing is I'm fat, I i'm fat so it's just like okay so i can't do this unless i get over this so i'm on the mission now to get over this absolutely and also kind of even deeper like knowing that like getting over it it's not just i've decided to get like it's the patient we kept talking about yeah having patience of like getting through it and also the patience and the forgiveness of yourself sorry i'm being so woo-woo these days but i think it's needed yeah kind of it's one thing to say i'm struggling with body dysmorphia but it's another thing to also be like i'm struggling with thinking that people are gonna think i'm like weak or fat or all of these things so that also then means i can't speak freely in my own space yeah easier

said than done i'm gonna fucking fix this i fucking not i've like hit fucking hit a boiling hit a breaking point with it whatever bikini bottom i'm in i'm literally living in bikini bottom right now and i would love to wear some bikini bottoms fuck this like it's just i'm done i'm done i'm done i'm done and i've said i'm done a million times and then be like right okay no but no dinner for you but i think i've actually got to a point where it's like i'm gonna ruin my life if i don't get over this i've created a load of shit and i need to kill it um so i'm doing this whole fucking i mean it's just what that actually looks like is a load of actual practical work which is just quite exhausting which is why i just haven't been present but i'm back now hopefully yeah but i'm still gonna have

about a million breakdowns to come so it's all good well i think we're coming with a kind of bit of a refreshed angle the the only way really that we could sit down and record this was by kind of saying like we have to kind of ditch the as in graces now and just come as we are which is funny because we have been very honest in you know the past episodes but i can give an honest performance yeah but i can still be hiding away or kind of shifting into the background parts of myself that i wouldn't want on the episode and I just think it's all about forgiveness I think in the sense of like wings become a priest she's giving us all forgiveness honestly I'm back into the priestess vibe but I think it just comes down to like why is who you are right now not good enough I agree why is that person not good enough for every episode why is

that person not good enough just to live the life that you're that you're wanting to live exactly so that's it it's just for acceptance patience forgiveness peace serenity harmony and i was out saying oh well that was a perfect end but i was just gonna add it just a little little bit i'm just gonna continue that i didn't realize that was gonna wrap up so perfectly yeah but yeah no i think, I think we've been saying that we need to almost reframe within ourselves. Even if the content doesn't even appear that different on surface level, just within ourselves, we need to come with a more like casual energy. Because I think we pour so much into this hour. Because it's like one hour a week that you get from us, but it needs to be perfect.

We need to be our perfect selves and all of this stuff. And it's like, actually, if we can just come with a more casual energy from us, like it's not this pressure. It's not you have to be perfect. Like to be our perfect selves and all of this stuff and it's like actually if we can just come with a more casual energy from us like it's not this pressure it's not you have to be perfect like you can fuck up it's fine it would just um be so freeing i agree i think it's all self-acceptance i think that is the most liberating thing i agree how exciting i hope everyone else is accepting themselves yeah you better be you better be doesn't mean anything it's like coming from the least expect like at least like we were just saying before recording that this is not like an iconic duo like we're kind of saying if this if this podcast is kind of what we would love is if just one by one people like the women who listen just slowly they one

by one just love themselves yeah tick tick tick it cannot happen from two people who absolutely despise themselves like the scrappiest people we were saying it's literally like i don't even know if this is like weird we're literally like okay so if wings depression I'm anxiety it's literally the least iconic duo it's like okay so just like the most depressed person the most anxious person it's like hey guys they're back again it's like no no don't come back come back once you've short sorted out your shit mate honestly send us away yeah we need to be like exercised out of your life like you honestly need an exorcism to get this podcast away from you but that's kind of where we've been and we had like we've been through a whole process we were like oh my god like do we need like to stop it for a bit like

blah blah blah no that's not what's happening we're just doing a general reframing of how we how our coping mechanisms the content might change guys don't worry this is all about how you are involved in our coping mechanisms how our mental health issues will be impacting you a seminar by sam being way so embarrassing okay what if we're being honest shall we talk about our personal just where we are right now with burnout where we've been with productivity what that relationship is looking like oh okay what do you want to go first or should i go first always ladies first you go first my drama teacher once said i'm not very ladylike so rude why did they say that he said because i swore obviously oh boring okay fucker fucker around that town

and they said that's not very ladylike and i said well that's misogynistic too right it's not fucking ladylike and i thought why should i have to act like a fucking lady like what does that mean gross man although i did fancy him anyway i think my relationship with productivity and burnout productivity i just have think i have an ongoing mission in life that is just fucking chill out man just chill out man just fucking stop and i found myself over my 10 day crazy isolation which i'm not best left to my own devices in my devices in my bedroom because i will find some scraps and try and like become like a crap open my own kind of craft fair sort of thing like i get a bit mad with it i started making all these like rings these like cat rings with like cat's faces on

i will say they are the best thing you've ever made they're so stunning yeah they're really fun they're so fucking cool like i i want to wear them that's why i made them so i'm trying to grow my nails i can't wear these rings because i need to grow my nails they're so fucking cool but i got quite like once i made one i suddenly was working in a factory i was like right one down put it in the pile to go in the oven right kind of now we're gonna fire them all then we're gonna like it was getting a bit like and as i said there's like personal shit going on like sad stuff going on and i think i was very much using that as a coping mechanism to distract myself taylor's oldest time i think i must have spent about 14 hours making these cats all day these little cat rings and then by the evening obviously i just like had a breakdown i was like fuck i'm so sad about this thing that's going on it's like yeah you kind of would cry in the evening that you spent 14 hours making cat rings

you would yeah what is that yeah they're stunning but it's what so i think i just definitely have a fucked up relationship with or like i lose myself very easily in productivity as soon as i'm on a project i just go all in and then get knackered from it well this is why i was saying to sephie her new project is just her own self like what a nice the best product i've ever heard yeah to be honest like what a nice kind of the only way to move forward my project is just myself my sense of self and you better believe i'm gonna get an a star yeah i think also an important thing there is that like there is there is a level of distraction that can be really healthy totally totally well

it is for maybe an hour and a half when you're pushing past the seven hour mark maybe or if you're just kind of doing some just whatever you're doing and it's not being fueled by i guess a fear a fear of failure really yeah if you're if you're doing something just out of or just out of like even if you don't really love it but you're just feeling all right no but I don't mean love for it but like a love for yourself that's like I'm going to explore this new thing I've ordered a load of clay I'm gonna make some cats I'm just gonna explore this rather than oh my god suddenly I've got a tick list I've got to make 50 today sort of thing it's like you're going mad that translates into anything it's like you can play netball without being a professional netballer

yeah so this is another thing that i'm saying sorry because we haven't done an episode for a week i've been storing all of the normal things that i just like think to myself while i'm making a cup of tea and i'm like mention that next week yeah i haven't been able to say so i've got like a backlog of like points sentences little hot takes yeah tiny bullet points you'll see these on the reels later and this one was about i was watching this thing and this woman was saying like you can go into it she was talking about like sustainability and we should talk about that but yeah she was saying like you can go into a shop or you can see something being sold and absolutely love it like think it's the coolest thing think it's amazing think it like

represents you so much like think it's perfect and leave it there literally you can see something in a shop and love it and go home without it you don't have to claim this is now my part coming in you don't have to claim everything to be yours yeah like don't claim it and it's kind of like even you being like here i go again body dysmorphia it's like like don't claim it and it's kind of like even you being like here i go again body dysmorphia it's like you don't have to claim that so it's not you don't claim it exactly what are we claiming here i don't trust me i don't want to fucking claim this don't make me claim it but i agree it's like you can wear fucking converse every day and not be the converse girl or you can wear fucking hoop earrings every day you're not a hoop earring girl you're just you you can be a bit sad one day and not be the sad

girl and it doesn't have to be a whole life yeah that's the bit when it gets difficult when things feel you don't have to be attached yeah when things feel like they are so like all consuming and it's like your identity in this thing that's when it's hard to be like this isn't you like you're you're i'm also i agree i've been storing things but i also think it's like it's like they i think i don't know where i saw this i think it must have been in a meditation thing i must have heard it but it was like what you do does not define you it's not what you do it's who you are it's not how you spend your time that's important who are you yeah who are you it doesn't matter oh i'm actually writing a novel fuck your fucking novel you're not a novelist you might be congrats but you're not that that's not you you're also just a fucking girl in a

fucking room what do you believe what do you think it's all good you don't need the perfect thing yeah because and i was saying yesterday like i would never be like oh this is my friend sephie like yeah she just like makes these cat rings and blah blah it's like that's not please never ever introduce me like that she just makes these like cat rings it's like no no no no no no no but i wouldn't even say that she's got this podcast and blah i wouldn't want you to there are a million qualities that make you who you are they you don't have to scramble around them i'd want you to say this is my friend sephie she's my soulmate she's my life partner yeah what's your like relationship with burnout productivity and stuff at the moment i kind of think burnout really the crux if i offer up our first crux of the episode we've had our first crux proposal crux proposal number one first one of the episode

crux proposal brackets a close bracket um oh the rain is coming in really yeah or i'm popping popcorn which one is it you'll never know i'm inside a microwave with a bag of popcorn i think kind of the crux of burnout or at least the crux of burnout for me is more just about the symbol to me burnout is just a symbol of you're just not taking care of yourself yeah yeah and it's not even really about you burn out from a particular activity or a particular thing a particular person like something at work because even though that is a big part of it at the end of that it's just that you haven't been taking care of yourself and yeah by taking care of yourself you it could

taking care of yourself could look like working less or scheduling in time off from work but i just think i don't know i just feel like there's a big emphasis in my life at the moment on what where honestly she needs to sort out her priorities and where are the priorities because if you're not your own priority you may as well i hate to say it quit i was gonna say die yeah yeah no i knew you're gonna say die so i thought i'd throw in quit really quickly but if you're not i don't tell me it's just am i committing to being myself for the rest of my life or no like am i gonna commit to taking care of myself and doing this properly or no what's the alternative i burn out i die that is that i think that is the crux you're correct and that is the crux you could even

take it even further it's not even not taking care of yourself it's not valuing yourself yeah you literally by overworking yourself and being like i need to scrap for this thing i need to just work work work and then i can have that you're not valuing your present moment you're using your present moment as eckhart tolle would say in that book that i read fucking months ago that's still on my mind the power of no not part of now what's it called the one about uh yeah yeah new earth yeah a new earth he said it's like you're you're valuing your present moment as if it's like a means to an end to future happiness that you're never valuing how you are now. It's like, if I work on this now, if I apply for these jobs now,

then I'll get this job in the future. You'll be miserable at that job then. Or you'll be trying to get a promotion for like two months later. You're always viewing like this happiness as like a future thing. Never now, never now. So it's like, okay, well, if you value your now,

you value who you are right now in this moment, oh, you're free then. Doesn't fucking matter what happens in two months because you'll be valuing your now then you're fine it's not that you're not taking care of well it is that you're not taking care of yourself but even further it's like you're literally telling yourself you don't give a fuck about yourself and you will only care about this future version and before you know it your life you will your life will be done so you'll be dead because this is why all the old people are telling us honestly shout out to all the old people that are trying to tell us they're honestly trying to shake us and be like stop giving a fuck

about all these things that don't mean anything and we're just going oh i'm not listening to you fucking old hag but you don't get it yeah you don't get it they always just say relax yeah exactly relax relax it's all gonna work out it's all okay yeah don't have to do half the shit you're doing yeah to be honest you don't have to do 80 of the shit you't have to do half the shit you're doing yeah to be honest you don't have to do 80 of the shit you're doing because 80 of the shit you're doing is like worry yeah stress fear it's like cut it then just do the 20 that's the only thing that's actually driving you in a good direction just do the 20s fill that 80 with fucking ice cream it's all good mate i actually think productivity for me is and this is also again what i was saying when we were

discussing our whole i'm on this whole recovery plan this is my whole my life now is a full dedicated mission to enjoying myself basically and just feeling so excited and happy to get to live as me in this life as you should be as you should as we should yeah as we fucking should as we should goes out fucking saying because what should. As we should. Goes without fucking saying. Because what's the alternative? What is the alternative? Don't make us say it again. Don't make me say it.

We'll die. We will die. So yeah, I think productivity for me, not even. I think avoiding burnout for me is actually just about, here's the thing. I've been talking about discipline a lot. You have. You've been up my ass about discipline discipline discipline yourself yeah because i think so seffy forgive me if you

stop me if you think i'm wrong i know you won't be but i think seffy is quite disciplined in the wrong way yeah agreed so you'll hold yourself down to like the wrong the wrong things who are you answering to i'm answering to the devil at the wrong things. Who are you answering to? I'm answering to the devil at the moment. Can we talk about Emma? Huh? What'd you say? I said, can we talk about Emma? Oh, fuck it.

Let's talk about Emma. Fuck it. Okay, now it is just like body dysmorphia episode, but fuck it. Talk about Emma. It's not. You barely said a peep about body dysmorphia. Okay, good. You can start with Emma.

Just whatever. Well, Sefi's got this thing living inside of her and i'm gonna call it emma no no wait we need okay that sounds like i've got some weird fucking parasite sort of demon inside me so i'm working through that at the moment my therapist told me to read this book on body dysmorphia this is part of my recovery plan to get me out of the depths of despair that we're both on these fucking missions at the moment um and in it you had to draw like a self-portrait oh my god of what you perceive yourself to look like and then you had to show it to someone you trust I showed it to my sister and I also showed it to wing the self-portrait of what I perceive myself to look like and as I was I drew it I thought okay I'm being really accurate

bit by bit okay this is just I think this is kind of exactly what like realistically I think I look like. And as I took a step back, I realised that I'd drawn probably the ugliest person alive. Like a monster, a monster, a literal demon monster. This person is, I couldn't describe how foul this person is. Honestly foul. You would not want to see this at the end of your bed in the middle of the night yeah it's it's quite scary um and i showed it to my sister who laughed her head

off and i showed to wing who i would say you're more scared than laughing i think i actually cried with laughter though like crying with pain and fear and sadness and also like hysterical laughter it might be the ugliest thing ever created i think the drawing was insane and i can see rationally i don't believe myself to look like that i know i don't but i do think i have a demon in my mind that we can now call emma because wing then texts me afterwards being like, oh my God, it looks exactly like, you may have seen this. It's like this weird fucking robot thing that was made, like this model of a woman that was made

to show office workers what would happen to their body within like 30 years of like deterioration. Like their spine is like crippled over. Her skin is like- Her skin. Literally just painless. Like she's just her neck like it's just like the most foul creature to scare office workers into not like being sort of lazy at their desks i don't really know like get outside it's telling them to don't be hunched over and staring at a screen and like not eating properly and like

drinking coffee all day like don't end up like emma guys don't end up like emma but i'm living every day like i'm emma like you are emma yeah acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend nature i've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this?

I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com. You see, like, when I actually looked at it, and one of the bits in the book was like, rate how other people agree with this image. And it's literally, it's laughable. It's actually, like, embarrassing. But yeah, no, I think I do hold myself accountable

to what Emma wants from me, which Emma does want me to die. She does want my demise. And she ruins things like cat rings.'re having a nice fun time and emma's spoiling it all so we're trying to turn emma into voldemort when he looks like a little rotisserie chicken at the end of the series and he's a little scrawned up a little baby lying under a bench and they're like what's that what is that fucking thing yeah that will be emma she'll be dead but i think that's the thing it's like yeah it ruins things like even

having a podcast with my friend oh no because it's not it's not sephie and wing it's wing and emma get emma out of here and i'll tell you something i cannot do episodes with emma no and you would not listen and that was why we know, had to assume the worst and took the time. But I think the thing with discipline is what are you being disciplined to? Because you can be unhealthy with discipline and be very strict on yourself to like work 12 hours a day. Like don't eat healthy. Do you know what I mean?

Like eat all the wrong things. Like, you know, you can be disciplined in treating yourself badly i'm trying to be disciplined in like kind of making sure i sleep properly meditating every single morning like there are things that i will not let go now yeah because i'm making a commitment to myself they're non-negotiable non-negotiable because you can't skip them there are some things you cannot skip and i'll offer that up as my second crux the second hall crux if you will yeah yeah the second hall crux why don't we call them hall cruxes clever hall crux okay fair enough yeah let's go let's run with the theme the awful theme that we've made in this podcast yeah yeah yeah i think

that is the if the first first Horcrux is... What was the first one? I've forgotten it already. Self-acceptance, probably. Something about self-acceptance. Then this one is about a commitment to yourself and it's where are the intentions? Yeah.

And being intentional with my recovery. More than that, I'm just being intentional with my one life. Yeah, your one, one. I only get one. Maybe you didn't notice. There were three. But yeah you're one one only get one maybe you didn't notice but yeah there's one there's only one guys we liked it in a few episodes ago when we were like stop look up but right now we're telling you right now harry harry this is for you now i speak directly to you yeah i speak directly to you one hour one hour you've got one of these

this is your one shot do not miss your chance to blow oh wow this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime yo yo no get me out of it that's awful that was really bad something about mum spaghetti fuck you've only got one shot i'm just gonna do it all over again i'm cutting this now i need a wee I'm stopping this where it is you're not throwing away your shot oh my god so we've saved some of the questions um well they're all in our archive but I mean it's been a while I've I screenshotted some at the time there's one that I really liked because it's just quite simple and just I think this is the question it just says what are we even meant to be producing like what are we even meant to be producing and i was thinking about it this was literally like fucking two weeks ago now

so i don't know if this is quite like a fragmented thought now but i was thinking it's like i have got to the point where whatever i'm doing is never enough i will never feel productive because of the standards that i think half that i've set for myself and half that capitalism has set for us as a whole that no matter what you do it always seems unproductive because unless you're kind of launching your big fucking makeup collection and it's selling out day one you're making millions in the first 10 minutes nothing seems productive like how on earth can kind of okay well I sent my asos order back and i fucking went and i got some bananas i needed and like does nothing feels productive anymore yeah like almost what are you supposed to be producing you're supposed to be producing the best fucking album you're supposed

to be producing fucking folklore like yeah i love that oh no you're gonna say something no i was gonna say what do you think i think that that's a great point the con of that is oh you're meant to be producing a life that you love whilst you work somewhere you hate exactly yeah you don't even the means of producing a life that you love means that a life that you love is the end goal and not something that you can be feeling right now now yeah just placing the emphasis on something that's future happiness at the end yeah which i also think goals are so needed and healthy and like important i just think honestly dwelling on dreams and forgetting to live but forgetting to live in the present you don't have just because you have goals doesn't mean you can't enjoy right now

and that your life can't look stunning right now because i think that's one of the things that's like okay so when i have this and when i have this then i'll be happy it's like well you might one you might never get them two when you do get them then you would have wasted your time now because you would have just been preparing for this weird like fictitious version of future you that has like the perfect existence but it's like actually they probably are also just as fucking insecure as you they probably also have like a fucked up relationship with their fucking cousin and shit like you need to actually that was random yeah like just accept like where you are now well and also do you ever have that thing where you look back at like an old photo

of yourself or like think back to an old time in life and you think like shit that was actually like really cool like fuck i looked really good or like just anything it's like why did i make that a time of commiserations when it was actually ice cream lifestyle what do you know what that is that is the end of the office when andy bernard says yes i wish you could know it was the good old days before you've left them it's like yeah it's the fucking good old days now now yeah you're gonna be looking back going oh god like how i wish i wish you could know it was the good old days now yeah you're gonna be looking back going oh god like how i wish i wish you could know it was the good old days before you've left them and then you sing a song for the fucking andy bernard like at the end of the office and everyone cries so stunning

so look andy could have known it was the good old days back with dwight and jim it's a good old days yeah i think a part of it at least for me is like the choice of and i've said i've said this before but like i'm fucking serious now i need to make when i can when i have the ability to make a choice i have to choose the best choice for myself and like yeah getting lost and burnt out and shit and like being productive in the wrong way is not the right choice for myself and it's not sustainable no okay this person said i i again i saved them all too but let me think about what one i want to give also there's you probably can hear like a load of men shouting about men am i right what they like oh men am i right ladies don't forget to hit

subscribe okay okay this i, is the perfect summary. Are you offering another Horcrux? You know what? I will offer you another Horcrux. I'll give you a second, your two Horcruxes I've already given you. I'll raise you a third. I don't know how poker works. But anyway, this person said,

my depression makes it hard to do really basic things, but my anxiety makes me feel bad for not being productive. So it's paralyzing. And I just think you've hit the nail on the head there lady what do you think little lady sorry could you just say it one time again i kind of didn't hear the first bit of it they said my depression makes it hard to do really basic things but my anxiety makes me feel bad for not being productive so it's paralyzing yeah you can never win honestly stuck between a rock and a hard place yeah and meanwhile and this is again why i loved the overall sentiment of first lockdown because all over everyone was telling me just calm down have a bath cushioned time banana bread oh so soothing like i need that social messaging tiger king was on and like tiger king fucking

out i haven't heard that name in years gem exotic who wow that really took me back yeah but yeah it is that sorry emma coming up um choking choking on emma um but don't you think that's just kind of i think that is the whole crux i think that is the crux is depression makes it hard to do anything and anxiety will have you feeling shit about not doing enough so then you go into overdrive and you can't yeah where's the balance in that you'll be trying to do it all but you'll be burning yourself out i think that yeah i think we may have hit whoever sent that amazing round of applause i think you found the third crux of the air because that is nailed it yeah that's it that you want to do i think you found the third crux of the air because that is

nailed it yeah that's it that you want to do shit but you can't do shit everything in you is saying fuck i've got to do shit you feel pressure to do shit but your body is saying but i literally can't i think what is needed there and i'm going to circle back to the beginning and you're going to hate me for it because it's so woo woo and annoying and cliche oh is it going to be the big f word it is the f word forgiveness and also patience because i just think you have to well not even you have to but for me i think a lot of it is is don't claim it you know like i i feel great today this is true now i'm speaking the truth i feel great so i'm having a really nice day if i feel really awful tomorrow and i find it really hard to get out of bed that is all right and i'm speaking the truth i feel great so i'm having a really nice day if i feel really awful tomorrow and i find it really hard to get out of bed that is all right and i'm not gonna punish myself for that i you know i just forgive myself for anything i may or may not feel for however long that feeling

lasts i don't need to claim it as me and my my whole self yeah let it in let it out know that it will go because also especially with like when you're in like the deepest depths of despair when you're in a deep depression it doesn't feel like oh it's just i'm just having a bad day it's like no it's a very permanent feeling that you're yeah that you're taking with you if you manage to leave the house everywhere you go and i just think the biggest part of that is just accepting i accept myself as who i am as someone who has the honestly the luxury of experiencing and fluctuating emotions yeah nice nice to quote rihanna kind of um completely flip what she said on its head i just think it's forgiveness i completely agree

it's because it's that forgiveness is kind of acceptance so once you can accept the quote unquote negative or unpleasant parts of yourself say okay well once you can accept the quote-unquote negative or unpleasant parts of yourself it's like okay well then you're free none of it matters you're free you can actually just relax into who you are rather than attempting to like curate this version of yourself well no i never really get sad and when i do get sad i just like brush that under the carpet it never fucking happened and then those are my down periods and now i'm on top it's like no all of it is kind of fine and none of it is really representative of you if you're above kind of emotions let's take it to andy from

headspace once again we love to use a wonderful metaphor wonderful wonderful metaphor that i remember seeing literally back in the day i must have been like 16 i don't know it's like you're sitting at the side of a road there's traffic going past there's just loads of traffic and all these cars are your thoughts they're your like just random thoughts that are going past in a day like I need to make my coffee I need I'm running late I need to have a shower oh like that looks nice oh that's a fucking cute dog whatever they're your thoughts that are going past you can just sit by the side of the road and watch them all go past what you do when you get into a spiral of something is you jump in front of a car you jump onto it and you like go down the

fucking road on his bonnet like like kind of freaking out you don't need to do that when you actually just watch them go you are not the car that one thought that was like i'm a fucking piece of shit going down the road you don't need to jump on that that's not you that was just a big fucking lorry yeah going past and if you sit by the side of the road look don't need to jump on that that's not you that was just a big fucking lorry yeah going past and if you sit by the side of the road look the next one will come past and it's what a beautiful flower like whatever there will just be shit that comes past but i want to watch the fucking office that bit where andy bernard sings that song let it go it's fine just sit by the side of the fucking road get your deck deck chair out. Get a magazine. It's all good. These are just your thoughts.

You are not your thoughts. Yeah. I'm stunned. I'm stunned. And once again, Andy nails it. Isn't that so nice? It's hard. It's one of those things that I think this whole,

to be honest, the whole of goes out saying is just, you have to be in the right headspace to let it hit you. Otherwise it's very annoying. Very jarring. The most jarring podcast you could listen to the most i'm so sorry okay this is good this is a really good point they've given us a hot take to feed off of this person said i feel like being a woman you have pressure to be organized productive and if you say no to helping someone or taking an extra work you're immediately seen

as a bitch and even though that's not explicitly said to me i feel like i'd let people down if i don't say yes to everything and i burn out because i overwork myself and take on more tasks during difficult or traumatic times they put the sparkles around it um give a bit of personality i like that um to feel like i'm in control i say yes to everything i have a hard time trusting others to do things properly when i'm doing a project or task oh my god don't get me started is it all about control yes oh i actually didn't know they were gonna get into control at the end but that is a really good point um can we start off with the gender thing though i mean you've hit the nail on the head once again because that is just um i think any fucking woman will know that they of course have to take on more just of course than the men in their life you see

yourself like there's been a dinner cooked who is clearing those plates realistically of course it will be you kind of i'm a celeb it might be you it might be you going around the room all the men it's not you it's not all the women it might be you is that is it big sister or auntie jane neck and neck auntie jane it's you you're going up you have to clean those fucking dishes bitch back in the kitchen baby it might be you i always thought that was the weirdest format it might be you all the men biting their teeth is it is it biting their nails who's it gonna be it's not me? It's not me. Dad, it's not you. Uncle Jim, it's not you. It's not you. Little brother on his iPad, it's not you.

Baby Sarah, it might be you. To be honest, it might be you. If you recognise yourself in this story, it might be you. Of course, there's just so much more pressure to be kind of this perfect. Like you have all the jobs to do do but you must have like makeup on your hair must be perfect and you must be not wearing a top with any stains on even though you're cooking dinner like really fucking rushed last night you must be perfect then there's no leeway for women to fuck up i do think as well i know we've spoken about this but i think there is like an undeniable

pressure for young women to have every avenue of their life under control. Yeah. In a way that that isn be feeling about not being picked and chosen would be absolutely non-existent in his mind we're just not told the same things we don't tell little boys we don't talk to little boys about weddings and princesses in the same way that we do to young girls i think that's a pretty reasonable assertion to make absolutely that boys get kind of adventures and muddy knees trucks and planes and like it's all about this like big world whereas women get like or little girls get toy kitchens and barbies and shoes and brats and

princesses it's like princesses realistically locked in a fucking castle waiting for her sort of prince to come and rescue her the fucking prince he's on fucking dragons blistering winds and scorching deserts scorching deserts it's like if the princess toy comes with a toy mirror and a wand and the prince toy also comes with a dragon and a sword it's like i want the fucking dragon and the sword please like i don't want the hairbrush well you can just you can have why why does it have to be prescribed? Yeah, why does it have to be prescribed, but also fucking give me a dragon? Yeah, but you're lying then, because you would absolutely choose the hairbrush. I'm actually thinking I would want the hairbrush with the dragon.

No, I was going to say. I don't really want the sword, and I don't want the mirror. If we've got things laid out, yeah. I want the hairbrush and the dragon. I want to brush the dragon's mane. The dragon's mane. I would take, yeah, the dragon and the mirror. Because I'm not fussed about my hair. But I wouldn't mind seeing, like, my eyelashes.

I also wouldn't mind a sword. Sword. I don't... Would I try... Like, what bugs me about weaponry on you is, like, if I'm walking around with a gun in my bag... Could get used against. Well, just what if it goes off? Like... Yeah.

What if I accidentally knock the trigger and it shoots me in the head? This is a level of competence i think i have i sometimes do think this like this is obviously taking this to a crazy dark place but if someone broke into your house and you were like kind of in that fucking you're what's her name drew barrymore at the beginning of scream sort of thing like someone's in your house like someone's in my house i'm like quickly let me put a t-shirt on and wet it and shave my legs and take my knickers off let me like quickly take my bra off but a tight t-shirt on we are gonna need to see some nipple on show yeah like how can i look sexy for the male gaze whilst i die let me just get a bit of concealer on but you're kind of drew

you're like making your popcorn blah blah someone blah, blah. Someone phones you, what's your favourite scary movie? Do you grab a knife? Like, do you think you grab a knife? I literally had a knife the other day. Really? There's a big knife in the drawer. But I also had, I've got like a glass candlestick holder the other day. And I had that.

I had big knife in one hand. Oh, you told me this. The competent, oh yeah, I did. the competent side of me had a big old knife also still completely irrational and the other hand i had this essentially what looks like like a beer bottle ready because i thought to myself if someone comes at me i can smash it on the wall and then quickly use it as a dagger and then yeah i've got not only a big old knife but also a dagger kind of valerian steel okay so you really you yeah okay that's not really didn't realize you'd have such a good answer well remember we lived together and you were saying

that there's two types of people because we were watching a movie one night oh this is a long-term theory yeah we're watching a movie one night and they're in our house i've definitely told this on the podcast before but in our house it used to be like the kind of back garden and then the kitchen was a tiny kitchen with like a little oven from the 1950s literally the worst kitchen you've ever seen with the oven right in the middle of the room like not in a cute way just randomly honestly in front of the door tiny tiny room with counters and just an oven in the middle of the room the fridge and the oven in front of the door just like the worst placement

so strange the worst placement of an oven ever so the back garden would be and then you had the kitchen and the windows right there and then the kitchen would lead on to the living room again tiny living room and we were sat in the living room watching a movie so you could see kind of worst placement of a living room yeah just the whole thing was off i don't know what they were thinking terrible but you could look through the door to the kitchen and then see out the kitchen windows into the back garden at night time it's quite spooks McGee really yeah and we were watching a movie and there was a noise so and i remember you and like you were like leaning back like you were just like not reacting and i like leaned forward like looking out like the fuck is that like kind of like leaned out into the kitchen and you were like that's so

weird that you would like look it's because i have a long-term theory and i've had this since primary school this theory because i've always just been obsessed with like fear as a concept because i love being spooked but not being scared that's the distinction i've been working on these theories for life um me and my friend came up with this theory in like year six that there are two types of people that when you're scared in your bedroom in your childhood bedroom do you either you hear a noise do you either hide under the covers like pull the duvet over your head and i hide or do you run out of the room and i'm a hundred percent the person that hides under the covers whereas my friend was someone that she'd run to her mum's room and i think you're the person that hides under the covers. Whereas my friend was someone that she'd run to her mum's room.

And I think you're the person that would kind of get up and like, look. I'd go looking. Yeah. Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me? That's what I'm saying. Why would you? Well, I would because why would you hide? They're going to come and find you.

Because it's just bury your head in the sand. Like, play dead. You know what it is? No one's coming, Harry. Nobody's coming. I just think it's like like pretend you're not there play dead like it's not rational but it's just like free it's like a fight or flight but it's like freeze right got you got you yeah but so for example when you heard that noise in the garden you were like right i'm gonna fucking look i'm gonna fucking confront them i'm like pretend they're not there if they're not looking

at us we're all fine a child covering their eyes and they vanish also do you remember when we were pranked and i had to come rescue you oh i think about it every day my blood runs cold when i remember that prank it was truly horrific basically when we watched the movie us you tell it we've told it so many times if you're a long-term listener this is just becoming like mythology by this point i'm sure it just changes slightly every time our memory just fades it's old legend legend has it that it once played legend has it that once we watched the movie us directed by the amazing jordan peele you have to watch it if you haven't already i think it's my favorite film i've decided in the world there's just a quite spooky soundtrack and there's just one song in it that we used to get a bit freaked out by because it's very spooky and we we get quite creeped out about it and things like that and there was just one day that we me and wing were at home working i was in my room when was in her room downstairs

i was upstairs and that that song like just came on the alexa just so fucking like piercingly loud loud i think wing just heard me shout from upstairs like crying please help wing i had to run up the stairs just so scared and i was like quivering in the corner like why are they coming for us i knew the tethered were coming but there was weird shit that would happen like our neighbors well we had like this wall in between our house and our neighbors is this just uni stories now like what have we what are we going into well i said this to you the other day we never got to the end of this we never got to the crux of what happened to it yeah of what actually happened but in the film in the movie us there's it's quite symbolic there are like red scissors is their weapon that they use these big like red scissors is what they kill people with and we were just terrified of us for like months on end and one day we just like

came out of our house and on the wall between our neighbor's house and our house there was this big pair of like red scissors just like pointing a garden wall yeah our back garden like no one could get there other than our neighbors so we assume it's the neighbors unless we're being pranked again big perfect red scissors like pointing at our house on the wall spooky and they used to play that song yeah i think they were i think our neighbors were pranking us yeah they were the whole street was in on the prank it was horrific the whole of brighton we walk out of our house one day they're all in red jumpsuits holding hands we're like oh we knew it so awful so scary but this is just uni time now what are we doing we were talking about fear how did we get there that you looked out oh i said if you were drew barrymore in scream would you grab a

knife yeah but why did you say that i don't know it's just the sort of thing i would say randomly i guess why did you say that oh princesses and knives and you tried to say you wouldn't want the hairbrush oh would you choose a sword or the hairbrush fucking hell you came for a feminist podcast you end up with that shit so sorry i should have missed another week i really like this one um someone said i hate hate hate being hung over unwell injured and not being able to do anything oh my god so much i find that interesting because i think i quite there's a bit of me that quite loves that because it gives you the allowance to be like okay i'm allowed that gives you the permission that you needed it gives yeah it gives you the ability to be like i'm allowed to chill out i've been speaking

to some other people about this because of isolations on my mind it's like okay so i'm not able to do anything and i think it's yeah again my theory there are two kinds of people in this world but i think it's like actually there are like there are different kinds of people that it's like i hate being able to do that because i can't do anything or i love being able to do that because basically i'm fucking burnt out and i need someone to say just stop and i can chill wow love that it kind of goes back to the second part of what the other person said which shouldn't talk about is like control yeah because i hate when i'm ill because i hate not having control it's also why i don't like kind of drink myself into oblivion and things like that like i yeah what i have to be

control i can't just you just cannot catch me in a situation where you think i'm not in control even if it looks like i'm being crazy and it looks like i'm oh she's so like oh my god like not even thinking how no it's been planned it's been manufactured like i need the control i love that i think i'm the complete opposite really though because i think we're the same in wanting control i think i like the feeling of being out of control in like a managed way i know you love this too so I actually don't think we're different in this but like for example the feeling of like a roller coaster it's out of my hands what happens I have given my fate into the hands of the engineers

put that thing back where it came from also help me also fucking help me but like I love the feeling of like a managed control i put myself in the hands of engineers of thor park and i'm on a roller coaster it's like it's out it's it's essentially out of control let's hope they're not on minimum wage yeah exactly let's fingers crossed they knew what they were doing let's hope they're not burnt out exactly but i think i do like that like for example being like a little bit drunk or like a little bit like intoxicated and just like a little bit pushed out of your comfort zone i like that just like i don't know what the fuck i'm doing i'm in a country i don't know where i am fuck i need to like

work out a fucking map situation i actually don't love the sound of that oh i i love that something about like the lack of control that but i think that's out of your comfort zone thing but you're not in control there no but you have to control like what you've got yeah you have to control like yourself it's like okay so i've got a map and a phone with 12 what am i doing because i almost feel like that pushes you into the role of being that person do you know what i mean just being pushed into new roles just like being slightly stretched i think is an important like part of life and i think they're the best bit agreed like painful growing pain vibes but also just like the best one you realize you can do it and you've grown yeah i had that with driving the other day. Oh yeah, you did. Go on, tell us.

Because not the other day, before my 10 days that felt like 10 years. When me and my house, I said in the fucking podcast, we went to the new forest. We went to the Forest of Dean. I'm so sorry, I'm getting my forest confused. I was editing it thinking, fucking idiot, get your forest right. Misinformation. Jesus, got that all wrong. We went to the forest of dean

and i was the designated driver in my little honda jazz and it was just so freeing to because i i'm good at my trips i do my trips in my car i'm all good but not with two other people in my car that's like i'm in charge i i'm responsible for you're the driver i'm also responsible for navigating this i'm also responsible for just making decisions like, that car pulled out. It is my duty to keep everybody safe in the car. Like, I was just like, it's not usually my job. It's like...

Not a duty usually bestowed on you. Not one usually in honour one would once receive. But I was just quite like, okay, so... I've got to take this quite seriously in a way. Oh my God. but i was just quite like okay so i've got to take this quite seriously in a way like just it's not usually my job usually i'm some i'm the kind of kid in the back of the car playing their ds playing on nintendo's going fluffy i'm not usually the one that's driving to the forest dean yeah like that's just never been me before and usually i'm kind of the friend like i might have control over the orcs like maybe

at the biggest responsibility i've had yeah like to be like okay i'm gonna drive it was just quite like and i was fine it's like okay i did that i can drive to the fucking forest of dean oh i love that i can drive it well i think that's control because that's what i used to love i love driving it's like um one of my hobbies and i used to love like driving to driving. It's like one of my hobbies. And I used to love like driving to and from Brighton or like driving through central London. Like it's a small challenge. Cause I remember like the week I passed my test, I was doing like three hour drives.

Cause I just thought there's no, the alternative is I get scared. Like I have to do it. It just is the thing of, you just push yourself into a new role and then you do it. And then it's like, oh, and that's. And each time you fill thing of, you just push yourself into a new role and then you do it. And then it's like, oh, and that's. And each time you fill the shoes,

you try on a new pair of shoes and you fill them. Oh my God, turns out they fit. The slip, the glass slipper fits. Perfect. I'm going to the ball. Yeah. You just do it. Confidence.

I also have a top tip for anyone doing their driving tests and stuff. Cause I wonder if this kind of helped cause I am a confident driver. But the night before I did my test, I typed in like driving um test hypnosis on YouTube and I watched this man kind of sit far away like in a room just sitting on his little chair looking at the camera and he'd go I am a confident driver

it was from up north I am it was Jon Snow a confident driver the whole time and then now I always think you know I am a confident fucking driver and I am a confident driver if you ever get in a car of wings she does do this weird accent but it's all good I turn into a man a bald man she turned into a man sitting quite far away but one of the things i love about your driving story you're passing your test story that you said is that i've always just been so fascinated by is that you said that you practiced driving in lucid dreams oh my god yeah yeah i did which i just think is to be honest the most genius fucking idea i've ever heard so if you can lucid dream start practicing your driving in that yeah i would just drive around in my dreams i can't lucid dream so i won't see you there but top tips well it just almost it wasn't

even like technically practicing it was just enjoying i think it was more the psychology of like feeling like i am a confident driver like driving is i'm driving all the time driving also i'd never when i was i was doing my lessons only ever with a driving instructor and i didn't have my own car so it was always in their car under their terms i'd never the first time i drove on my own was like once i had passed my test so i think driving in a lucid dream driving on your own as if it's your car as if you do this all the time just kind of a bit of conditioning this is what i'm all about tricking the mind deceptions of the mind kind of derren brown just a little game guy

trickster once you can just nail the mind it's all good well because my mind is a fucking cunt my mind is trying to ruin my life oh you've got an emma on your hands honestly boy do i do i ever do i emma um i think that we're done i want to say thank you to everyone for sticking with us right i just want to say the biggest thank you to everyone that did a week without an episode i'm so sorry i mean your life was probably the exact same it must have been heaven it was probably great but i'm sorry that we couldn't no i'm not saying sorry no yeah but thank you so much never sorry for the delay always thank you for your patience exactly full of top tips over here and just

acknowledging acknowledging that we are like human beings behind these microphones we're not little like caricatures and just being nice to us um because that's all we want please be nice all that matters to us in the world is if everyone is nice to us but genuinely and thank you for coming in with like good points every week yeah just fucking insane yeah honestly and just i hope i just think what a blessing it is to be you look at you what a blessing that is to be you what an exciting thing it is that she's talking to you by the way it changes the tone doesn't it from if you don't hear from me it seemed the worst yeah let's not say that in this one because i'm a bit scared okay well thank you guys for being here we really hope that we get to see you next time we're so excited to speak to you again yeah bye