Goes Without Saying - coping strategies & dysfunctional families: podmas #12

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

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Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Podmas, advent time. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. What's behind the door? It's all your crazy family members. Oh, wow. Ah, jump scare. Slam the door back on all your crazy family members oh wow slam the door oh god oh god jump absolutely horrific i need to go on a walk yeah that is

horrific that is fucking horrific yeah and it's coming it's coming in a minute they're coming soon noah's ark oh they're coming in by two jesus horrific yep i'm actually say really it is probably one of the most defining features of christmas i think um that that sort of image whether because i'm actually not having this image this year i'm not actually gonna be part of the tableau of people around the table yeah um kind of everyone around the table an argument is kind of brewing under the surface the tensions are running high but all the kind of the turkey's being cut and it's all fine like i'm actually not gonna have that this year okay but it is i think it's defining um cinematic image of christmas i actually think it's also a defining image of like a lot of people

yeah like i remember having a conversation with my friend recently where we were kind of saying like you either and it's really sad but it's like you either get it or you don't like and i'm really happy for you if you don't but like if you get it ouch like when you get it the like defining thing of like your family's fucked you either get it or you don't and it is fucked it really is i think a lot of people have you ever met anyone that says they don't get it though like i don't know anyone that says people who i would uh actually no i do who yeah who are like my family are perfect essentially yes yeah no i do know them as well yeah and that's that's hard to take actually well good for

them i'm so happy for them but yeah i'll be jealous till my darling yeah yeah it's almost like god i wish i wish this would be different so stressful yeah i think actually part of life and maybe part of like getting older is like accepting that things don't look the way you wanted them to look or that you thought they might look and then also like allowing yourself to be a bit annoyed and like shitty and gutted about that like i think a lot of that experience is like pushing it down internalizing it like maybe it's your own fault or like maybe it's just oh whatever like blah i don't care anyway blah blah but actually i think a part of that experience

is learning that like you can be sad about it and and that it is hard to take and it is hard to see at this time especially when like it's kind of being forced down your throat I was thinking this earlier today actually I was just thinking about Christmassy sort of stuff like almost Christmassy traditions blah blah and I was thinking about like oh I would have loved to be to have a family tradition maybe where like there was a talent show at Christmas or something like that and I was like that would be so nice that you almost see kind of in films the idea of like almost quite rich posh families doing a talent show everyone does a little talent blah blah like with like family traditions like that yeah just so nice and I was thinking like there's no way that

that could happen in my family the way that it is there's no way we could all sit down and do a talent show it would never happen it's a lot to actually ask but I was thinking like even though there's a bit of me that's kind of a bit sad and resentful that I can't have like an easy dynamic in certain ways um also it's like oh there's nothing to stop me from doing that like setting my own traditions later down the line that I would be saying to my kids let's do a talent show if that was show me what you've got kids let's see what you have got and if I can show you for me you with my talents but it's almost like um there's such a sadness in being like oh wait christmas is supposed to be like at all like there's the um cliche of christmas being such like an easy

sort of family like wholesome time and like so often i mean my last christmas was incredibly violent and horrible and it just makes me really determined to like have very nice moments but then i can't help but be like oh i just wish it to like have very nice moments. But then I can't help but be like, oh, I just wish it was like an easy, nice time as well. 100%. And those things happen at the same time. Yeah. And the volume goes up on one and down on the other. And then, you know, it changes all the time.

Like, yeah, it's a part of it. So strange. And there's so much nuance in it because I feel like there's so much more love. Even when it's hard, there's so much more love even when it's hard there's so much more love in those i don't know to have it easy forever i do question the amount of love the capacity for love in those dynamics because you've never actually faced any challenges yeah i think as well it kind of reminds me of um things like graduation or like there's a wedding or like something just those moments where like

oh everyone's pulling their family in and here I am what am I gonna do like oh like I remember literally from the moment I was applying to uni I was worried about my graduation like I was before I'd even fucking stepped foot on campus I was like what the fuck am i gonna do at graduation so was i for other reasons i was scared of walking across the stage social anxiety was getting crazy i did therapy session about that anxiety for graduation but and i came to your graduation and you were great you were the best bit but there were bigger issues by that point well yeah they're always there don't be anxious about something in three years guys because there will be bigger issues by don't be more issues by that point you don't even know the challenges

the thing you're worried about now it's nothing it's irrelevant it's the least of your worries but yeah go on sorry but it's just really sad that sometimes our relationships that we've been kind of dealt can like overshadow moments where like we just want to have a good time as human beings and i think something we're both doing more i guess like as we get older is like being intentional with our time and like creating new traditions for ourselves or like just i think having a lot more awareness of like how we can enjoy our lives more yeah and not waiting around for someone else like make life really nice and fun for us do you agree i completely agree i would say if you can if you if you you might find christmas a fucking i don't give a fucking

shit like it doesn't matter if it just passed me by and i don't care but i do think if you have that kind of desire to have a fun time um i would say the number one step is put on some Christmas music. That's nice. Like, that's one of the things that is the easiest thing you can do to add that vibe to your life. Is there any you'd recommend? Is there any you'd recommend? Oh, sorry, did you already ask that? No, no.

Yeah, my favourite Christmas song. First of all, I love Wham! after watching the wham documentary twice you do love wham you've recommended it to me so many times and do you know what i fell in love with the guy andrew andrew yes great you told me all about him very very good looking man he's your hobby oh really oh my god he's divine yeah oh okay there's a sort of um charm yeah nice all right i would recommend watching the lamb documentary twice over as i did a brilliant documentary so i do like a bit of last christmas christmas i gave it that's a clap i mean that's a big hit but my favorite christmas song is merry christmas everyone yeah i mean that's so good

that's my fave they're all really good actually they're really good and do you know another good one is i wish it could be christmas every day little kind of karaoke episode um i don't know if i necessarily have a favorite all the classics but I am actually into Sabrina Carpenter's little kind of like, he's a little bit older, super old, that thing. Oh, I don't know it. I like the sound. She's got a bit of a dad bod. She's into it.

She's just the cutest girl in town. Yeah, he's just probably busy at his workshop. Fucking arsehole. I don't know how I feel about the sexualising from Christmas stuff. I was thinking this earlier i was literally thinking we're actually sick we're sick human beings it's like this is like a child's character and we're like i'm gonna fuck him yeah yeah but also he's been going for years santa baby yeah totally that was two songs merged it's like a baby dad caught you fucking santa

that's wild it's absolutely insane but i i mean maybe we should talk about that the sexualization of christmas there's a lot of like naughty and nice i don't know i think it's interesting or like there's something about it being it's like what is that connecting to like your what that says about you as a child like oh you're a good girl yeah there's just it's just, it's a complex world. It's all over the place. I can't keep up. I do.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple,

or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. I think it's a really really weird thing i think it's just a way for it's if you think that like women don't have there aren't many options of what women have been seen kind of singing about writing about all of this stuff it's like the one of the main ways we as a society desire to see women is sexualizing themselves so when it comes to all right we want you to write a christmas song it's like right i guess i do it i really want

to have sex with you i want to fuck santa but honestly like if anyone sexualizes music well it's sabrina carpenter like i don't know i would listen to her sexualize most things i honestly i think she could sexualise... Is that her thing? Most things. Is that sort of the vibe? I don't know. You know she does the nonsense outros where she's like...

All I know is those outros. His dick is massive. I'm in Berlin. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I am in Berlin. She's like, Dublin, I love you. I'm getting fucked in the arse later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's the general gist of it. Okay, well, let's get some Christmasmas juice on i like that anything else um make some gingerbread i think we should have some fun festive times together we should that's also probably quite a good way to combat the um assholes in your life is to sounds like i'm gonna say it's to spend time with them that's why we're spending time with each other but more so like balancing out the amount of time that you're having to spend kind of against your will yeah um with people who are

like maybe draining your energy yeah i think every other second you've got and maybe you don't have many but try and have that time to either yourself or like people you love or love being with etc is just probably a good idea if you you guys probably didn't think of that but you should spend time with loved ones at christmas don't worry guys spend some time on your own like one of the main feelings is if especially if you go away to something because i know some people that go to people like i used to go to my grandma's house on christmas day that was always the tradition um or like people go stay with their family for like the week like for two nights or something it's like god by the end of that people are going a bit mad you're drained it's like can

you can we just go for a walk like we were even saying this in an advert we did recently but i actually think it rings so true. It's like, go sneak out and go get yourself a coffee. And I actually think that is exactly what is needed. Make some sort of excuse.

I will vouch for you. Yeah, no. Go for a walk, go get whatever. Yeah, say, I have to run some errands. Yeah, it's like, right now,

I have to sneak away. Yes, right now. Yeah, right now, on my own. This is why it's good to have a dog you can be like oh i'm just gonna go walk the dog dogs i mean for so many reasons they're great they're great can't live with them can't live without them women's best friends they really are i think also when you're surrounded by people that maybe are a bit difficult around Christmas, potentially people of different generations, different educations, different everything,

it can be quite difficult not to get in arguments. That is one of the ways that Christmas has been ruined in my past many a time with a political argument around a table. And one of the ways that I've got around that is just by being like why are we discussing politics on christmas day like this isn't this isn't the environment everyone is like we're very much supposed to be kind of i don't know i kind of view it as like let's put it all aside and have a christmas for kind of the grandparents like let's all kind of like they've cooked a big dinner let's all like not spent not waste their time by like arguing over the food they've cooked about fucking brexit like let's actually not insult them like that so i think that can be really hard when people are

saying things that you disagree with and you're biting your tongue but i think there are the right times to bring up things and there's the wrong times to bring up things totally because i also think people sometimes for example the content of the argument is like oh we're talking about brexit but it's not really about brexit what we're doing is that we've had like six months of tension has built up your mom said this and why did you you didn't pick up grandma from the you know like it's all going back and forth and we're talking about brexit but we're not really talking about brexit we're talking about why you fucking hate me and also it's especially things like brexit and politics have become so polarized that you're not even actually discussing the subject matter no you're talking from two teams that now like socially and historically

like hate each other we're gonna fight to the death yeah we're just fighting now because i think i'm right and i know you're wrong and they think that you're wrong and they're right and they've got a load of stats that they found on the weird side of the internet and you've got a load of stats that you've seen on instagram stories and you're gonna fight it out but it's like it's never gonna happen over some fucking baked potatoes not baked potatoes never gonna happen yeah yeah never gonna happen never gonna happen you're never gonna convince them that's often not even the aim no just leave it yeah and i think prioritize your own yeah it's fucking christmas guys chill out get a grip guys it's christmas it's about it's

about jesley hen it's about jesus god i'm losing it yeah i'm losing it maybe just one little tiny like two minute thing yeah have you got one what do you think um let me do a christmas quiz on you what okay cool no i'm gonna get it all wrong it's humiliating why not this is the seven win christmas quiz oh god all right go on then all right let's take it in turns i'll ask you some you ask me some okay but i'm not gonna don't ask me anything too oh no you'll know this one you'll know this one this would be a good last one okay where was baby jesus born he was born in Bethlehem. Yeah, yeah, would be a great outro. Oh yeah.

Say it with me. Say it too hard. you