Goes Without Saying - divine timing & life lessons: karma is a podcast

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

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And today, we're doing our best to talk about fate and destiny and the idea that everything does or does not happen for a reason. If you're wondering why your friend has sent you this episode, it's because you are an anxious, overwhelmed little being who deserves only amazing things in life and yet there are stress upon stress upon stresses in undating you in this world and we just want to be here for you keep your company take the pressure off i think this is a really really nice one if you're feeling a little bit fragile and unsure of where you're going and you want a reminder that there are other weird people in the world who have insane inner monologues like you enjoy i'm excited for this one god i'm so excited it's been forever in a day

it has this also feels quite different like i always feel like i'm saying that but usually we're like oh so what do we want to talk about like kind of think about it maybe like have maybe 10 minutes to settle into it but i feel like this was you really had a thought thinking you were like what do i want to ask you yeah and then you're like fate and destiny it was like yep let's do it and now we're in to fate and destiny talk here we go just like it was destiny everything happens for a reason as they say everything everything does no everything well we'll see i guess confirm or deny everything does um before we get in i just want to say like hey so good to chat with you so nice to be back speaking to everyone i did start getting the itch um on our kind of unscheduled break i started really kind of missing

speaking to a microphone on my own in my room so yeah i'm very happy to be back with you and back with the listener hope everything's been well i do i do like speaking to you through a laptop which is a bit of a rude thing to say to someone but i do quite like the format of it because i feel like when you're with someone in person you might look around the room a bit you might look at your like your phone might buzz or something like that but when you're looking at a screen probably because we're so attuned to fucking looking at screens your eyes don't come off the screen you're captivated you're so intensely it's like a direct fucking line i can't let this moment go record it's almost we're both like staring into

a little box and or flat box thing i don't know a little screen and we're just staring staring staring at each other it's just so it's almost so much more intimate it is than actually being in the same room as someone which is pretty fucked it is it's also kind of knackering in a different way but anyway this is not i don't know why i'm talking like this is covid it's like is anyone getting zoom fatigue let's adjust to the new normal is that what am i even saying um although i did love in if you haven't listened in the last episode we recorded that in person and we went live on tiktok like whilst we did it so you could kind of eavesdrop on our recording session and that was really really fun and like i miss it so much

i missed that hour it was so good i had a good time in that hour i feel like i'm i'm really it's a learning curve that like camera addition to this like whenever we bring cameras in i'm immediately camera shy i'm immediately like oh god oh god yeah yeah like we just did a little video just now um we just recorded an advert you might hear it soon i mean at some point i really hope you do um and we had we filmed it and just instantly i become absolutely terrified so i think i'm i'm getting used to the cameras um i'm getting ready for my close-up the good news is we've got all of the time in the world for you to just do whatever you want to do in life i also think and i was i don't know when i was speaking about this actually

and i don't know if it even made it out it might have been on those long lost archived episodes where they went down with the matcha laptop let's not even go into it um but i was talking about tiktok and how it's such a big deal to me at the moment because i was literally so um really like sadly incapable of like literally looking at like a photo or a video or like hearing my voice on like my phone without absolutely hating it and being like delete delete delete this can never see the light of day and i'm loving what about podcasting like you must not hate your voice it's not specifically my voice it's like what i'm saying it's like it's actually me as a person it's like yeah i'm like my voice whatever like i don't care like i mean it's not my favorite sound in the world believe it or not because that's what people always say people are like i cannot stand the sound of my own voice and it's like it's funny

how i think i used to say that i can't stand the sound of my own voice but i think what i actually meant was it's not really about my voice i just don't want to listen to myself speak because i hate everything that i say i'm i hate myself yeah exactly which is why I'm loving being on TikTok and I'm loving like I'm in a bit of a new chapter of like not hating myself and just enjoying being able to exist as a human being not like this person who has to fit all of these boxes and like be a certain thing anyway that said we're not recording this today it's just the two of us thank god i that's how i like it i like it when it feels super intimate and and like and like raw and almost like you're just in a little cozy bedroom i love that too but i wish we could bring we can speak

through that do you know what i mean so do i but i feel like we are this is you're here right now the water's fine open the water's like the door is open my door is literally wide open i should have shut that but anyway just for sound quality but who cares um i i love them having the visual i do even though i i like it for a bit i'm getting used to it i just feel like it i i agree with you you know i agree i'm right it jars me it does jar me to have a camera in my face it does jar me but i'm getting used to it i just i love the little i love having a little um voice in the void i love being a voice in the void with you nothing i love more so do i and i and i will and i love to be by your side

in the little camera but also it does terrify the shit out of me i think that's fair and i think just quickly like before we get into the episode i think it's interesting to talk about because we're two people making content on the internet and there is an expectation of young women to perform in a certain way on the internet create a certain type of content look a certain way while they do it and as two people who have struggled quite immensely with the mental challenges around being human being on this earth body image the way that we look hating ourselves all of that shit it is really testing and there are um challenges that arise and for some people it is as easy as i'll just make a silly little tiktok and chuck it up and be an influencer as

easy whatever but for some people there are like real challenges behind turning a camera on or getting behind a microphone um which is why i'm so proud of us generally and i'm just excited for everything that's to come same i'm so excited i'm loving it should we get into fate and destiny should we just jump right in let's talk about fate and destiny why would we not well the reason this came to my mind was because i thought what do i actually want to know your opinions on and i thought i haven't really quizzed her on her thoughts on destiny recently so i just kind of wanted to check in on that do you believe everything happens for a reason and is that something that you think about in your own personal life I don't know

whether I love the phrase everything happens for a reason that isn't a phrase that I use in my life like if someone was to go through something I don't think I would be throwing out and everything happens for a reason but I do also strongly believe in um everything like I really do heavily believe in karma and like um sort of um there are certain things that are predestined and like there are certain uh pulls towards certain people or places or like experiences that you were always going to experience things like that but i don't necessarily know if i love throwing out kind of pinterest quote 101 everything happens for a reason even if you may find that comforting like i think there is a huge comfort in that i think i just

i kind of see a bit of it undermines the challenge i see a bit of um uh what's the word i almost the word smug is coming to me but i don't necessarily think i even mean smug but there's like almost like a a naivety in like everything happens for a reason because it's like some people have gone through horrific things that have no reason to them like they have absolutely no reason to them and it's not fair necessarily to throw out like oh you didn't get that job so everything happens for a reason whereas someone else has had like yeah dealing with like grief or like major emotions so everything that happens for everything happens for a reason may comfort you if you are in one of those like heavy heavy things like grief or

something like that but i also feel like as someone that hasn't really experienced something majorly majorly traumatic like if i'm thinking of like the big things in the world i'm touching wood as well i don't know if i'm if i'm throwing out that as a phrase to people even though i do believe in right karma and all of these things yeah i feel like actually everything happens for a reason is maybe i think in relationships it might be something that you kind of maintain in your own mind or like use internally it's like that's internal language we don't share that with the customer it's like that's just between that's business to business kind of lingo we're not sharing that it's like you're not i don't think you can look a person in the eye and say oh this hardship that you went

through that sucks that's your karma that's because everything happens for a reason like see you on the other side it doesn't come off well unless it's unless it's comforting like it can be a comfort but it also can be a kick in the teeth sure but i think you can tell where it's coming from i think as well sometimes everything happens for a reason we might not like it because it feels like it's being attached to like some level of like presumption or like someone um acting as if they know what the fuck is going on in your life yeah acting like they know god's plan and acting like they know what it's like to live in your shoes like live in your head and they don't and also it's like what's the reason though like say that you have lost a member of your family or something like horrific what's the and someone says to you oh well everything happens for a reason it's like fucking tell me the fucking

reason then bitch like what's the reason what's the reason like it's actually has anyone said that to you recently everything happens for a reason no because but also i wouldn't necessarily first of all i don't know if people are saying that really to me but also i don't really know in what context like people say that to people after a hardship i think you know what it's kind of the thing speaking of the broken laptop it's kind of the thing where people would say everything happens for a reason you've kind of said actually something similar to me actually i think you've pulled everything out for a reason on me i can't remember what it was but you said something similar you were like like almost a train was delayed so it's like oh well the one you were going on was about to crash

oh this was only there this was like i think is when you use it for your own life like this was i'll go into that one actually i was supposed to be going to Brighton with a guy. I was in kind of a bit of a long distance seeing each other situation. Hey, if you're listening, I hope he hasn't got this far through an episode. I don't think he's listening. I hope not. But just hey, if you are. No, but even so, your life, your life.

Anyway, so, but that, it's over now. We went to Lisbon on a holiday together. It kind of didn't go to plan. Said a little bit about it in the last episode but he was in england we were supposed to be going to brighton together for the day to stay the night in a hotel stay the night and yeah delightful times and on i literally the night before i was like fuck i'm getting ill and i woke up in the morning and i bear in mind i haven't seen this guy for like five months and I was like I'm fucking ill in the morning I was like I actually can't go and I did that sad thing where like I almost like started getting ready for like 20 minutes I was like had

a shower wash my hair I can push through I can push through and then got to the point where I was like you can't go and you need to admit to yourself you can't go which is devastating and it was one of those things where i was like i now have the option on this limited time that he's in england i have the time i have i have the option now that i can either spend this day being like this is so unfair fuck this like why am i ill like what are the chances i've been perfectly well for these five months in the like three days that he's here yeah you're ill and you can't leave the house like you're fucking ill and then within two days i was better again so it's one of those

things like what was that and i was almost yeah the way i had to get into that in my mind to not have a horrific day of lying in bed when you should be partying it up was i had to almost be like god was the train that i was gonna catch was that gonna like derail like was there something that we were gonna have a huge argument about there must have been something that was stopping it because it did almost feel like a sort of universal dobby stopping the barrier at hogwarts you can't go it kind of is yeah it's dobby it's dobby times now looking back though and again never divulging too much but it is interesting to think that this relationship that you had with this person has since come to

an end and i unfortunately never got to meet him since he was this long distance lover yeah and that date that you're supposed to come to brighton was cancelled it is intriguing that that day didn't go to plan because i do wonder if actually now you think about it it's almost like would some of the flags started to be flagging yeah would i be starting to see red bells be alarming yeah let the bells ring well i do think about that because so it was a it was a trip like a one night trip we were doing trip of a lifetime doing in brighton and then we were then following on with a week's holiday which i'm now back from and in portugal yeah in portugal um so i i do think it's like maybe i would have seen some of the things that then are the reasons why it didn't work maybe earlier on would have been different maybe that would have made me think of the holiday differently if i had known these

things before but like i don't know it it is interesting to me. It's interesting actually. Now we ponder. I'm really fathoming some things here actually. Maybe it does happen for a reason. But this is why I don't think you can ever say that there is not sort of a universal pull in certain ways or anything like that. Like if you actually think about the universe, like just take a moment. Yes.

Keep with me for a moment. Just take a moment. Think about the universe. There is so much we don't know here. Like I think's like we've just we've explored what five percent of the ocean like we know oh let's not get into the ocean a human has been is the moon it's fucking nowhere like that is literally one centimeter outside of your bed if you're doing it it's nothing it's fucking if you do now yeah it doesn't really that's's that's a mess for you like we know nothing so i would never claim to be like oh no nothing happens for a reason or everything happens for a reason

the truth is we've got no fucking clue and i'm very wary of anyone that um claims absolute truth says otherwise in anything um that we cannot know about that you literally as a mere human on this planet that has been here for i don't know absolute maximum 100 years if you're listening hey yeah how the fuck do we know we don't know shit like so i do kind of get into it like and i also think in the terms of having you have the choice you can have a shit day moping in bed that you're ill or you can be like look i don't know why this has happened this feels completely out of the blue but i'm just going to almost trust my mantra relinquish all control trust the timing of life that's the only thing you can do right now trust that maybe that is a there is some kind of thing reason that that happened because right now it feels unbearably unfair i guess in a sense as

well it kind of is totally linked to your perception and i guess it is one of those things like someone said like this person said the idea of everything happens for a reason fate and destiny it brings them a sense of comfort and i think that can be completely true i think everyone can relate to that in some way and i think the interesting something i was just thinking or something that just kind of hit me was the idea of how it changes your perception and that it's really the idea of like hindsight when it comes to everything happening for a reason it's not necessarily that that reason was laid out in stone and you always knew as it was happening

oh there's a future reason it will be rewarded at a later date it's the idea that through hindsight and future experiences you're able to look back and perceive the situation in a different way with new information that you didn't necessarily have at the time and this is maybe not relevant but we were having a conversation the other day i think it was me and you yes i wouldn't have a conversation like this with just anybody yeah and you'll understand why when i get into it we were talking about our unborn children children we haven't had yet touching touching word yeah their health and well-being um talking about the idea of like having a kid and like gender and all of these things and the idea of being a mother

you know the convo being a mother and having a daughter and i was kind of saying i'm not going to divulge again too much of my own mental illnesses but the idea that if i were to have a daughter you know first pregnancy i have a daughter whatever it would bring me different challenges and i don't want this to be analyzed guys because i'm just speaking freely here i'm not saying like it would bring me new challenges because i hate women more so because it emphasizes i don't want any old tom dicker harry to turn around and be like she said she wouldn't want a daughter but just go through the archives what i'm saying yeah like give me a break people um literally no one said anything give me a break people people me to me give me a break give me a break people

wake up i want one minute off your shit look in the mirror give me a break people but genuinely give me a break i feel like if i were to have a kid first pregnancy oh my god i'm having a girl it would immediately let the alarm bells ring let the bells ring it would call me back to lots of different markers and moments and milestones in my own life and my own relationship to my mum and how i was parented and how i felt as a little girl and all of those experiences that i've had that have shaped me would play out obviously differently if i were to you know have a boy or whatever situation would happen um and it is the kind of thing where it for some reason is reminding me of the idea of everything happens for a reason just in the way

that we almost pin meaning on an otherwise i guess relatively meaningless situation like maybe situations are meaningless until you pin whatever your interpretation of the meaning is on them does that make sense nothing gives something meaning like something doesn't inherently have meaning the only thing that can give something meaning is someone perceiving it as something that's meaningful right in the way that yeah if a podcast shits in the woods an old rubber band on the street an elastic band that's on the street and you walk straight past it but that could have been the elastic band that was tying together the flowers that were given by the cheating boyfriend that

she threw in it was tying me together yeah like you don't know what i was hanging on by a tiny thread like the jumper that you buy in the charity shop was the jumper that was knitted by the grandma and given to like you literally this is why i have a problem with charity shops because i have to buy everything because i feel like it's fate that it ended up in my hands. But some things are pretty ugly in them. I can walk through pretty unfazed. No, some things are, but I can't argue with it. Like, but if I have an inkling of liking it, do you get what I mean?

You have to get it. And I'm like, oh, I can't live without it. I've got right in front of me two things in a bag that I need to wash because they absolutely stink of charity shop. But they need to be washed, but they're actually so cool. But no, i buy loads of shit me too but the extra layer of meaning but that's the thing that you place on it in the same way they could not have been meaningful at all like they could have been ugly things that they

just go oh no thanks like you place the meaning on it as an individual the items are inanimate like humans place meaning on whatever the fuck they want everything interesting as well to think we've been kind of having this conversation recently as well about beauty being in the eye of the beholder oh and it's one of you guys have heard that phrase recently but we're bringing that back beauty is in the eye of the beholder remember when your nan you say that to you yeah beauty is in the eye of the beholder i've kind of been thinking this about myself recently in the kind of in my tiktok era i feel like i am the kind of person kind of in how you say i'm quite intentional i feel like i'm the kind of person who doesn't take much for me to find some level of like beauty in a tiny little scrap of a thing

like i can really zoom in on something and find it to be the most meaningful poem you've ever heard like almost we need to put this in a biblical text somewhere exactly yeah um and sometimes i don't know i just think it's maybe important as well in our kind of sensitive soft girl eras to think about all the meaning that we place on things relationships we've had experiences we've had it can be really hurtful sometimes to like go through the like depth of the emotion that you're feeling yeah in that situation or relationship but then there is also another kind of kind of the double-edged sword the other side of that is that you're probably someone who like finds a lot of lovely meaning in like this really kind of mundane apathetic world like it's also kind of a blessing to be

really sensitive and to be able to analyze and read into your life because i'm sure you're in the habit of like feeling really negatively about lots of things and finding really negative meanings in things but also you're probably the kind of person who really notices like when your friend smiles and their eyes get all wrinkly or like you watch someone's hands as they pass you over the thing across the till and you take your apples and pears and put them in your bag and you notice the way you're walking down the stairs and you kind of you you just you notice that i just think there's a beauty in that that is kind of under appreciated well definitely when you think about what our society has done to beauty

as a concept like if beauty is one of the most amazing things in the world one of the most highest virtues like traditionally beauty kind of peace and beauty our society has put it on if you say the word beauty now you think of i personally think of a sadness of people trying to cover themselves up the word the beauty industry is a fucking scam aimed at women designed by men it's just it's actually pretty rank what we've done to one of the highest um valued sort of things in the world we've transformed it from something that can be yeah your grandmother's hands as she sort of knits something or like she cooks your dinner and the way your friend's eyes wrinkle and all this stuff no no no no that is not what is traditionally seen as beautiful anymore like beauty

i mean there's literally no correlation i feel like you almost need to go anti what we've been taught is beautiful to even see what is actually beautiful in the world i think um people should go to a museum if they haven't been to a museum recently like almost yeah if you're feeling that your sense of beauty whatever that is is warped to like what you're just saying about like the beauty industry and like being sold certain ideals of what you should look like yeah try and take yourself back to i mean if you're in the uk it's going to be stolen goods unfortunately but like i think try and zoom out and bring yourself back to something that means something to you 100 do you know what i mean something that like evokes a response in you

because i don't know i just i do i think it's so important i think so i definitely think if you are feeling the i'm having this conversation with my sister so I definitely think if you are feeling the I'm having this conversation with my sister and she was like if you ever feel shit like she she was she's never really been a reader in her life but like this is like I'm she she does read but I was used to be like you read Diary of a Wimpy Kid and that's it sort of thing like I used to kind of just take the piss out of her roast her little roast her when she was younger but she told she a few years ago she was like if you ever feel kind of uninspired in the world it's like just read a sentence of a book just open

a book and just read it it's like actually you know what if you read for five minutes you feel good again and i think there's something in that that like when you feel like you're detached from like beauty and like inspiration and kind of almost like the truth of life yeah listen to music get outside watch a film not a show a film an actual movie film a read a page of a book a movie a film a movie movie it's like a movie that you see in the theater movie movie like do actually something that is actually beautiful that you actually see some like fucking like to be honest like worth i need to see some like what's the word like almost like truth in it like in the in a world of social media and all of the shit all i see all day is shit shit shit shit shit

and then i'm like oh so why do i feel detached from like why do i feel shit almost the core of like to be honest who i am as a human on a planet and all of the stuff is like yeah because you've been looking at someone's day routine i've been looking at um kind of i've been listening to music that the words are i love you baby you are my cute little baby whatever it's like this of course i don't feel anything it's my favorite song it's all shit it's all shit right but then don't you agree once again beauty is in the eye of the beholder because to somebody else i love you baby baby my cute little baby baby my cute little baby baby is literally like so meaningful to them or the day routine

it's there's nothing i love more they it could be entertaining and all of this stuff i think it it serves a something but i don't think it is like i don't think i don't think that's true i don't think i love you baby you are my baby it's like i almost think what if what if that reminds you of for example the grandmother who when she was washing your face she used to sing something that sounded just like that and you place the meaning then of beauty like totally no no there are there are but i do think that the base level of the stuff that we're bombarded with almost if you look at it on a big percentage there's a lot of shit out there the stuff the stuff that we are confronted by and actually takes up the bulk of

the stuff that we consume in the world is relatively garbage like it actually is it's not good like there it isn't it there is there to find the value in it you've got to work but there is like for example you saying go to a museum it's like god you could just walk around there and you're actually seeing stuff that is like there's like the effort that's gone in i'm not saying that like mainstream culture is shit at all i live in mainstream culture i'm swimming around the the goo and the sewers of this place every day but there is every i don't know i find it hard to see a lot of value in like i i don't think it's a radical thing to say that like social media or like pop music in certain in certain things i'm not slagging off like cool people but like in the way that you turn on the radio and

you are hearing shit and i know i sound like an old woman right now i do i know i do i know i do like kind of the queen of england i know literally it's like what the fuck it's like she's not amused guys but like if you go the main the most of the shit that we consume is shit it actually is it okay i i don't think that cannot be a radical thought it just i actually no it's not about it being a radical court it's just interest it's just interesting because i want to know what like almost what what makes the difference do you know like more than just what you think of it in your own mind but almost what makes the difference for you is it like the intention that goes into it is it i think it is and almost like i don't want to be able to see like a machine behind it like i don't want to see well that goes half the music industry with all the nepo babies yeah pretty much and to be honest half of um kind of content on the

internet yeah nepo babies too really you know the kind of that thing that's like if i listen to your music i don't want to go on your wikipedia for your band and see your dad's name underlined in blue it's kind of true it's kind no no it's not kind of true well to me personally it's complete it's to me personally it's completely true but i think that's the difference for me personally is that i don't i'm not necessarily saying what you're saying is radical but i disagree with you in that that's not how i feel it's not how i interact with the world for me the biggest thing is that i know it's my awareness of what i'm projecting on whatever i'm listening to looking at like it's my response and so for example the

thing that would bother me is like the dad underlined in blue because it's coming from a place of we can't relate we can't you we can't relate to one another we're different you're not speaking to me sort of thing but i think you you know what i'm not even i think i know you would stand by this podcast to your dying day yeah so many people would say this is the shittest thing like it's a representation of everything wrong with culture and blah blah blah because it's not speaking to them but you would argue that it's good bottom line no i know it's good bottom line like right that's what i'm saying so it's i think it's purely beauty i'm not saying internet culture is bad like i i love it no not even just internet

but like but there's a lot of shit of life no but like if you go through top this is not one of the top podcasts in the world this really is not like if it's actually top one percent but it is actually top one percent yeah but it's not if you call your bluff on that if you go through the charts of podcasts in the same way that if you go through the charts of all of this stuff i i it's baby baby i love you baby you're my baby genuinely believe sorry that the vast majority of these top things i'm going through is actually pretty empty god am i coming off like a fucking cunt i actually think i'm i'm no it's no no no you're not you're not and i hope i'm not making you feel like you are it's just interesting because i almost feel like i completely disagree even though i get what you're saying but it is kind of to me

i'm hearing it as grandma's voice whoever grandma is i'm kind of i am hearing grandma's voice of like i hate rap music that sort of thing i kind of want to start saying i kind of want to stop i disagree with what i'm saying sorry i think like let's stop okay let's stop let's stop it's okay no hang on don't you don't have to just take a second okay it's going okay acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Years before ACT UP,

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like like I'm going are you stopping yeah gone i can't be here anymore that was almost okay can i just explain it was quite big brother or like love one it's like sephi can you come to the dining room quickly sephi i don't know why i just got myself so worked up then like so i've just cried off of recording what i could have is quite funny sephie also said sorry i just had my daily mood and i was like oh i don't think you told me about your daily mood i don't mean i don't mean that's every day i have a mood i mean i mean i just think my i think my mood today my mood today my daily mood is just maybe a bit fragile because what happened is we're just having a conversation

about museums go and visit a museum i think i was just what i do so if you know this podcast you know that my new year's resolution is just to be a bit softer just soft with myself and others i was that was an example of me and my harsh almost like you're you're you've doubled down on an argument you don't even believe in you don't know what you're saying like you've just you've gone for something it's your anti-pop music she hates pop music you hate social media and you're gonna you're going to attack i found myself in the firing line yeah no i i did just get a bit harsh i'm really sorry i don't even think you were harsh i think you were harsh with

yourself you weren't harsh about museums and pop music you were just being harsh no i love a museum you're a roman emperor it's like i i sometimes i do it like because also i agree with the bare bones of what i'm saying we do consume a lot of shit in this world but i then i sometimes i do it like because also i agree with the bare bones of what i'm saying we do consume a lot of shit in this world but i then i think i double down almost i think when i can feel someone um not understanding almost coming in with the with a like an opposing point rather than kind of being like doing a logical thing of being like yeah okay it's probably somewhere in the middle like let's hear that blah blah blah i sometimes just hear it as a as an opposition and i double down and i and i go harder into the one i disagree with it's really weird and i'm trying to stop i think the main i just did the

main hardness that you brought was the hardness for yourself of being like i'm being too hard i'm being too hard cut the whole thing that has to go i'm sorry that has to go and i was like jesus give us a second let's just let it go i was actually doing a bit of meditation i was like let's just give it a minute let's just take a second who cares if you're being harsh on your own podcast if anything up the ante i think more so just don't be harsh about you being harsh about being annoyed with yourself that you're being harsh live your life yeah it's a harsh queen the the stress i put on myself to be soft be nice you know don't be abrasive don't have all the opinions that have the right opinions

you know just live your life it's so stressful because i was like this is a weird thing that i said in that little break i was like there are literal rapists that walk around the world with no guilt they're evil people that walk around with no guilt i literally think oh my god i was too harsh talking about museums and i'm in tears what the fuck okay it's okay have a little bit less shame i think as well bad people walk around fine this is as well like to pin a reason on it to say everything happens for a reason i do think it's interesting as young women to feel ourselves being harsh and being like like for example you what you're saying is like you felt yourself being harsh and then feel like immense shame and like harshness towards yourself oh like a failure yeah feel like a failure meanwhile it's true there are rapists walking through they're

having a time of their life yeah they don't think about it like almost like the amount of um bad stuff that people have done and i don't think they're crying about it. Oh, I feel so harsh, blah, blah, blah. Like people scream at people and then go, God, I don't feel anything about that. I can't remember what I said. I don't know if I'm going to listen back. But I think I'm saying that we consume shit in this society. I think that's what I'm saying, which I still do agree with to a certain extent.

But I maybe just went in a bit harder than i actually believe it and i was crying about it i think as well there's something about like women being told that they have to be harsh so almost learning that you need to be harsh and brutal with your opinions and then feeling the discomfort of it and almost having a shaking moment of like wait but like this isn't me sort of thing feeling like you have to be a certain type of person because i don't think you are harsh naturally i think it's a learned it's like a um it's just a life response anyway yeah but yeah god so basically then we were like do we leave this or well basically i was immediately like the episode is gone it's gone it's gone but it's like we'll cut the 10 minutes we can do that and you were just like right sit

for a minute let's just give ourselves a minute and like stop thinking about the episode like what does that even mean and i've got someone on the other end of a face i'm crying and talking about an episode it's like jesus what is that real life i was like i can get up early before i go to my grandma's tomorrow and we can do it can i be real as well like i'm sorry but i do feel in a way that everything happens for a reason i do kind of feel like maybe this was an important episode to happen in our in our kind of repertoire in our discography in our podology whatever we want to call it of like we're always looking for the reminders that we're still aligned we're still aligned with one another and we're still aligned with ourselves and aligned in the space and feel confident in what we're doing and like we are kind of creating a podcast in good faith and not getting lost in

the machine that we were talking about exactly no exactly and i think that's a nice reminder of like it's okay to take a moment and like recollect it's a it's it's literally the only way through is to like accept ourselves in every form be gentle with ourselves be gentle with each other i think that's part of it it's just it's a space to learn it's okay to not be the finished polished statue of david you can be a i love you baby so baby pops you can't be i love you baby so much little cutie baby you can be but also i don't really want to be but i also think that if i think about the podcast that i want to create it's not something where it has to be the perfect version like i do

quite like the idea that there is now an episode where well there's loads of episodes where there's versions of me that i don't quite like that i'm a bit uncomfortable oh god i could feel myself being triggered there or i could feel myself like yeah um being like talking about one thing but i know i was saying one thing but i know i was saying one thing but in my head i was thinking about how i'm not good enough in this way yeah i like that and i i just almost think that's one of the main things that i think sets it apart from if you were to scroll through potentially a lot of the top podcasts there might be in my own words a few few minutes ago a load of shit like i

definitely think i quite like the idea that there can be a version where i could take a bit of a crying break in the middle and also we've done that a million times on here anyway boring it's not like this is anything new yeah it's the done thing around here it is part of the daily mood it's part of the routine yeah do we have any thoughts on fate and stuff to tie up like this is definitely weird this is a weird one but what are your kind of what would be your like overarching line on like your own fate and your own destiny like is that something you believe in yeah i definitely believe in um there are certain things that have happened to like steer me back on course and like like

university was a huge one of like i was going for this one thing and like it was almost like there was a huge universal shift to me it was like get back over here and you like i had to like realign and i think things like that do kind of hint me towards there being some kind of path um but i'm also not attached to it like i'm kind of a fluid little baby baby cutie baby in this world of bullshit like i'm happy to be here i'm happy you're here too do you do you think that's like like what yeah what's if you had had to give your thoughts on like your tagline on thoughts and destiny my tagline on fate and destiny my tagline for fate and destiny and all of it is for me personally is that if i'm making a kind of um five thousand

word essay on like the meaning of a dead bumblebee on the side of the road you bet i have thoughts and feelings on fate and destiny like it doesn't take much for me to put a ton of meaning on a concept and attach it to my own life so for me personally like if i get lost in fate and destiny and the idea of things happening for a reason for me i can find meaning in any old thing um and like that person said at the beginning, like when we were looking through your responses on the Instagram story, I think it does bring me personally a sense of comfort. However, I have been deliberating recently, kind of in the karma as a cat mood, just to bring up the broken laptop. I've been pondering recently, like, is that my karma for something? Like, did I just get a comeuppance for something?

But I don't think it is i think it was almost the karma of the universe trying to see how i would deal with it yeah i almost think is that see what i mean see how i can spin it spin doctor i know but it's so true i often think that like when i get sort of a gift from the universe once okay i'm gonna really out myself here once i listened like a year at uni i went and bought loads of furniture from ikea and we did the self-checkout and this one thing wouldn't scan it was a mattress and this guy came up to me who worked at the shop and he kind of gave me the mattress for free and it was like a 200 pound mattress and i didn't say anything because he kind of gave it to me like he was like yeah that's scanned and we both could see it hasn't scanned and i walked out of there and i kind of was thinking okay i've just got a free mattress i remember thinking was that a reward for good karma or a test

for my bad karma almost like is now am i now going to get punished for taking the free mattress or was that the universe handing me a free mattress meanwhile rapists are walking free by the way and this is our in the monologue is this a test when i spilt matcha on my laptop and i got a free match as a test i'm not a good enough person jesus literally let's just take a free mattress take a little bit of matcha spit on your laptop it's all good take what you can get from this life yeah and also look my lesson that i've learned today you've been alongside me let's just be a bit nicer to ourselves like yeah if you suddenly feel yourself getting caught in saying shit that you don't agree with just take a breath just let it go okay i disagree but also with myself but also that's okay you can change it's fine you don't you can change your mind it can be silly it doesn't you're not fixed

it's not that serious it's not that deep this is something i say to my friends all the time and i've definitely said it on the podcast is like you're not one teeny mistake away from being invalid as a human being like you're not literally towing the line every single day have to be on your best behavior just to excuse your existence here you're allowed to make mistakes and be a bit shit quite often to be honest be quite liberal with your mistakes and like your fuck-ups and the things that you're not that happy about about your own sense of self and just like i can guarantee that we're all working on it 100 take the pressure off take the pressure stunning okay well that that was good i'm glad we did that. Does that feel right? Yeah, it does.

It does. Okay, good. I'm happy with that for sure. Feels good to me as well. Nice. And that feels like it's, I mean... Come to a natural close. Okay, that's done.

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