Goes Without Saying - Everyone is lonely, no one is alone

Episode Date: August 23, 2026

EP001

Hi, it's me again. I recorded this episode before I uploaded the last episode. So much has changed that I feel like needs to be addressed. It's just weird if I don't say like, hey, had the nicest day when I uploaded that first episode. Like beyond words to see everyone being so nice. It like really made me happy and it really made me excited and just like I just loved just like knowing that people are here listening and your keen. to see what's going on, see where this goes, same. Yeah, this is where we've landed. I'm really, I'm really happy with it, NGL. I was actually thinking earlier like, honestly, well, like 99% of the time, I'm thinking horrible things about myself, but for this 1%, I was like, I think I really did something with this, like, I'm kind of onto something here, am I not? Just importantly, I want to make very, very clear. Oh, I haven't really thought about the books that I'm showing off here in no particular order. Just actually don't judge me for them.

We won't get into that. Because God knows. Anyway, yeah, I just want to make really, really clear, like before we move forward, first of all, if you're just coming in for the first time, so you're taking in quite a lot of information all of a sudden, but this used to not be a solo podcast, and the last episode was my first episode of this being a solo podcast. That's where we're at. I just want to say thank you, basically.

And also just to acknowledge that everything goes out saying is just the most special, amazing thing. And that will never, ever change. And I am happy that people are still here to see where we end up. If you want to stay with Goes Without Saying, those episodes are not going anywhere. You can be loyal to Seffian Wing. Thanks for being here. I'm very excited. I hope you're excited as well.

I honestly feel beyond grateful, beyond the English language of gratitude for how much everyone has loved this space. And I just want to basically give you permission that you are always welcome to listen to go to that saying, until you're dying day, those episodes are not going anywhere and they're so special. And I love the history of this podcast and we will never lose the ancient texts. it's preserving. And like if that's where you want to stay then I am just very grateful and honoured that you would continue to listen to to go to that saying and if you're interested to see where this goes, so am I. This is what we've landed on. I really like it. Also final thing. At some point in this episode you're going to hear me talk about two names. Raphael and Joanne.

I just want you to know it was neither of those names. It's Rachel. Enjoy. Someone's calling me, but who could it be? There's one way of finding out, answering the phone. Will I be doing that?

Obviously not. All right. What's new with you? What's new with me? Good question. I'm in New York on Sunday. I might try and record in New York. We'll see what happens.

Because if you know me, anything could happen. Touch wood, like nothing that bad. But anything within reason. could happen. But I would like to record just because I want to like really get this show on the road. I mean, I really need to get things moving because I'm starting to cannibalize myself. By the time you see this, I might be already there. If I'm not home in time, oh my God, can you tell me where to go?

I haven't been to New York in like two years and I had such a good time last night. I'm going to have a great time. Is that offensive if I have my legs wide open? Yeah, it's a little bit, isn't it? I'm going to New York on Sunday, very last minute. Basically, a couple of years ago, my boyfriend had a last, I think it was quite last minute. He had like a meeting or something that he had to do in New York. I don't know what that guy does.

Basically, he had to go to New York for work, which meant somebody else made their way over to New York. And very nicely of his company, it's not his company, just really clear. Very nicely, they paid for my flight last, like two years ago when this was. who's wrangled their way into it again? I'm so excited. So again, very last minute, he has a meeting in New York.

What does this guy do? I don't know. But whatever it is, it means I'm going to be in a lad of beagle. Would you mind telling me where to go, apart from, like, Statue of Liberty? Which I have seen, although I haven't seen her in, like, 10 years. So maybe I should check up on her and, like, touristy cute things, but, like, actually spots. I just, I mean, what a life. all expenses paid trip to New York City. When I say all expenses paid, it's actually not all expenses paid, I should say.

It is not all expenses paid. It's some expenses paid. But boy, do I love the sound of that. All expenses paid. Like, when I was a kid, I thought I'd be hearing that phrase a lot more than I have in my adult life. No one's talking about all expenses paid for me. Even worse, they're expecting me to pay my expenses.

Anywho, my God, something I've been loving recently, which you're not going to like the sound of this. To be because I don't know why I'm talking about this, but, and I know it's bad, I don't need you to tell me. Do I even say that? I don't know why I'm announcing this. I have been loving, clicking my toes. I don't know why they're just like extra clickable at the moment. It's obviously not a good sign. They're just loving to be clicked.

What are your thoughts on this? I went out earlier, walking around running my errands. Remember, sorry, quick, quick segue. Quick little moment, just between us. Do you ever remember and did you ever see the SpongeBob episode where he said, I'm running some errands? And in his little sponge accent, it sounded like he said, I'm running some errands. That's my name.

And he, the whole thing was him saying, I'm running errands, errands, errands, like, errands, errands, errands. He would say errands like so much. Now that I say it, it doesn't sound all that interesting, but at the time, I remember feeling quite suffocated by it. I don't know why. Anyway, I always felt like, why is he saying that? Like, why is he saying errands? Why is he saying errands? Like, how does he know me? What's going on here?

He didn't know me. He was saying errands. That much is obvious. Anyway, I was running errands earlier, walking down the street, mining my own business. If you know where I am at this point, I'm in a godforsaken land. I'm right outside of Churchill Square in Brighton, which all hell can break loose at any moment. And there's often people of all walks of life, but there's often people Scientologists, first of all, who always nearly win me over every time. They're like, do you want to get to know yourself better? I'm like, boy, do I? We could spend hours naval gazing together.

And then I'm like, oh my God, you're Tom Cruise. There's always Scientologists and there's always, I guess they would call themselves Christians. Anyway, they're always like on a megaphone proclaiming all sorts of things. Anyway, in that specific spot, there's almost like the Scientologists are at one end and the guy who is a Christian is at the other end. stands outside of Gagoro, if you know it. Love G Gourou. I was walking past the shop formerly known as W.H. Smith, which is now called T. G. Jones. Did you know that? Godforsaken land. Talk about Hellscape. Walking down the street and walking past. I'm running. If anything, running for my

life to get out of this. It's actually not that bad. Churchill Square is actually fine. Just on the wrong moment, it can be bad. And it's always a bit much. It's really hot in there. And the toilets are not nice. They're packed and they stink and they're so hot. Anyway, there's like a heat wave going on in the Churchill Square toilets. Anyway, walking past structural square, I saw this guy and I caught eyes with him and I thought, look away, look away, look away. Looks way quick. No need to panic. Alack. I was wrong. He then said, hi, yeah. Like, and he kind of did come close and I thought, I don't know, and I didn't even have headphones in. It's like the one time I don't have headphones in my life, not that it matters.

I hate to say I did just keep walking. He was like an older man. And then the whole way home, I was thinking, maybe he needed my help. Or maybe, like, I was kind of like, I guess we'll get into this, but I was kind of like, have I denied myself human connection?

Who is calling me? Capital gave me the cash. Oh my God, the other day, the other day I was at home. Remember, right, in the last one, I was like, I talked to myself all the time. The other day I was at home and I was saying to myself,

capital, gave me the cash, which if you're from, England. If you're from, I guess the UK, you'll know, or you might know capital giving me the cash. I'm going to explain it. Basically, I mean, I'm, too much I'm not qualified to tell you the details in terms and conditions of capital giving me the cash, I think is basically Capital Radio. You might have heard of the Jingle Bell Ball. And you're your favourite artist of playing the Jingle Bell recently? I'm pretty sure that's Capital. Capital Radio run, I don't know anything about this, run a competition where you get, they give you money, you win a prize, you win prize money.

I don't know what you do. I think you might have to answer a question. They call you up on the radio and they say like, what's Tell us with a middle name or something? Like that bit I'm really making up. I don't know if they ask you a question. I imagine they do. It's a bit sad if they ask you a question and you get it wrong and they don't give you the money. Well, I think that's so fucked up.

Anyway, but now this is where they get you in your own waking life. you've called up, you've done whatever you need to do to enroll yourself into the competition. But they call you back, I'm assuming like later on in the day, so you have to, this is where they get you. You have to answer the phone and say, capital, give me the cash, the magic words. If you answer the phone and say, hello, they say sorry, like, no cash for you, bye, and they call the next person. I don't really understand it, as you can tell. But it lingers in my mind enough that the other day I was walking around the house saying capital it'll give me the cash, Gabby will give me the cash. And I... It's weird, isn't it? And then I looked at my arm.

I'm trying not to move the microphone because I have to hold this microphone literally, we're honestly social distancing. Otherwise it gets so, it's way too sensitive. Guys, it's all the way down. Like the dial is all the way down. So me and the my car, I don't even know her. Anyway, Cabo give me the cash, Gabba gave me cash. Looked at my arm. Money Spider. just when you thought sorry just when you thought I'd hit the limit of absolute wait am I actually pushing it

is that too much am I sounding so nuts oh it's fine what it's honest I was saying capital they gave me the cash I did look at my arm there was a money spider there and I did think that's kind of weird

could be a good omen anyway I'm also so scared of spiders and I don't like to reveal my biggest fears publicly because then they can be used against you heed my words but you know what I handled it really well I think I killed it I just put it on the wall

anyway no money as of yet but all expenses pay trip to NYC am I right so that's exciting so thank you money spider and capital give me the cash right we will have to speak about my nerve damage at some point because there's it's actually it takes up quite a big part of my mind at the moment and I feel like when I was talking about it in the last episode I was kind of like glazing over it just to be clear it was so bad and like so devastating.

We'll talk about it at another time. We'll maybe talk about like how fucked the medical system is to women. That was like a good framing to just talk about myself for an hour. Just kidding. When I had really bad nerve damage, all I was eating was yogurt. My skin got really bad.

But boy, was it. Yami. I was loving it. Got really into yogurt. My two faves. One of them I don't know what it's called. It could be called Raphael's or it could be called Joanne's. So interesting.

But the other one that I like, I know that it's the Bon Maman ones. And it's the ones where it has like the fruit at the bottom and then yogurt on the top. And then you can like dive your spoon in. Look, this was the highlight of my life. I couldn't move my face, guys. I had to find thrills somewhere. Dive your spoon and collect the fruit at the bottom. Swoop it up with the yogurt.

Agog, gug, gug, gug, delicious. So I've been loving yogurt. let's get into a real conversation then. Basically, I've been thinking about this phrase more so, and then I thought there's an episode in that. This all came to pass in my mind when I read Rejection by Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony Hulatamity, maybe is his name? Is Tony something?

I know it begins with the tea. Should I Google it? No, you can Google it. You're on your phone anyway. Rejection, you'll recognise the cover, you've maybe read it. Very, very, very trying. book, very testing of my, honestly my guts. It was really, I enjoyed it, just to be clear, but boy, were there moments where I was

really thinking, you are pushing me hard with, like, what I can stomach. And I, I fare well with horrible things, but like, boy, okay, but anyway, the concept, I'll fuck it up, but the concept is something along the lines of, It follows, like, different people who, for whatever reason, are isolated or feel as though they are isolated. And basically just kind of exploring what happens to people when they feel that they are no longer visible in society. I mean, spoiler, not really a spoiler, but spoiler, all that will breaks loose. It ain't good. I would recommend the book, just because I would love to know your thoughts more so.

But I was thinking about this concept and just the idea of, like, everyone is. lonely and no one is alone. I feel like some of the conversations that I see around this topic in general are not really landing the way I would like to see them land. Now, I cannot say whether or not I'll be landing the plane successfully. Oh my God, my earring fell out. Can't be more than to put it back in. I will. For you, I will. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do what I want to do here, but we can talk about it. You know what? We can inspire it on it. So, alack, read this book and I was like, this ain't right. Fun fact about me is I don't really watch Instagram stories like very, very rarely once in a blue moon or if I go on Instagram and I see your name and we're like friends or close or like

I have some sort of thing with you or maybe I'm just checking up on you but very rarely. I mean never I've probably under five times in my life have I clicked someone's story and then just tapped through. I'm not saying this to brag just to be clear. It's just not something I've ever done. To be honest, it's probably out of fear of like, if I'm being really honest, there's two parts of it. One, I know I don't need to do that. It's going to fuck me up. I am not emotionally robust enough to take in that much shit. Not derogatory.

Like, I'm not saying what you're posting is shit. Just more so like, I can't. I know I cannot handle that. There's a lot of things I'm doing on this phone that I cannot handle. Thank God I'm not doing that yet. The other part of it is probably don't want, if I'm being honest, I probably don't want people to see my name. name when they like, you know, like when you can see who's looked at your story. I don't know why. I like to be invisible. In the emm-I'd be appearing in the MSN date that I'd be appearing offline.

Like that's the sort of vibe. It's just like, I'm not here. Just like fade into the background. What an interesting observation. Anyway, put that aside. We're seeing so much of one another. But it is distorting our idea of like how much you're keeping up with people. Another book I loved. I loved this book. Watching Women and Girls, I think it's called. Should I find the quote? I actually put it on my Instagram when I read it. Should I try and find it?

Probably should. God, scrolling back on my Instagram last year, it's not nice, not nice to see. You can really see when I was happy and when I was nut. You can really see where the happiness dies. Okay, I just love this quote so much. It's basically talking about, I can't remember anything about this, by the way,

but I remember that I loved it. And I believe this is, this quote is talking about someone who, has a friend, but like they haven't spoken to them in like years or something, and the distance is just stretching. Each year the bond between them stretched thinner and thinner until he found himself not daring to disturb the stretched elastic between them, fearing it would never snap back into place. Oh god. Why I love that so much. I mean, that's a feeling I've felt many times of almost like you leave someone hanging slightly too long, like you accidentally don't reply to them slightly too long and then

before you know it it's almost like you've left it too long basically and almost the distance of it's like a fallacy of the opportunity to communicate is still out there untouched so we're fine but if we if I say hi and acknowledge the fact that we haven't spoken that's harder to deal with and basically by speaking to someone by reaching back out replying to somebody

that you haven't spoken to in years the acknowledgement of like having left that hanging, having left that sort of to rot away is somehow worse than like living under the sort of guise of, oh, we could speak at any point. And that's so much more easy and so much less uncomfortable. I just love the idea of it being an elastic that has stretched so far out, but you don't want to disturb it for fear of it not snapping back into place. So almost letting it be stretched out and just leaving it that way. and just don't touch it is a thing I've felt many times.

I actually had a bit of a philosophy switch up and also just like I was mentally doing quite well at the beginning of the year. I don't want to make myself sound like a weirdo. I was a bit late for that. I just messaged quite a few people that I hadn't spoken to in a while, largely because I hadn't replied to them. I'm a serial non-replyer. I'm actually in remission.

I am being rehabilitated slowly but surely. I was thinking this yesterday. When I wouldn't reply to somebody, and particularly when I was like feeling bad mentally and I would just withdraw and like pull myself away or just if I had a lot going on or just, you know, human beings don't always reply immediately. I would always think if I hadn't replied to someone,

I would genuinely think they're not even going to care that I don't reply. Like why would they care that I don't reply? Suddenly sounding so sad, so bleak. But genuinely I would be like, They don't care if I don't reply. Do you know what I mean? Like I felt like I was literally like a speck of dust in their life that if I didn't reply, I'd be like, whatever.

Like they probably wouldn't even notice. And if they did, they'd be like, oh, it's just errant anyway. Really sad. And really interesting, I think, that that was sort of part of the sort of psychological foundation for why I wasn't replying amongst all of the other things about just like not being able to function. As someone who doesn't watch Instagram stories, but exists in a world where Instagram stories are happening

and I'm very much on social media seeing what everyone else is doing all the time. That idea that you don't have to be, you don't have to disturb anything by still feeling like you are still in someone's, someone else's life. Like you don't have to acknowledge anything. Just have them running in the background of your life

of like, oh, I exist and I can probably catch up on you and I can probably see, you know, like you're still out there, you're still reachable. I also was thinking the last, other week about how it almost feels like fully having no contact with someone, like having someone blocked or like someone being unreachable to you in any capacity, like they've blocked you or like you don't have their social media somehow, like they're in private, you can't get in, whatever, da-da-da. It's somehow, and you've previously had a relationship with them of some sort,

is somehow the most intimate thing today. It's almost so, is the only way that we create mystery and some sort of like elusive. It's almost like magnetic. When you can't access them, it suddenly becomes the most romantic and intimate thing you can do. And it suddenly feels more vulnerable because you know the questions internally have to be unanswered versus someone that you can just tap through their Instagram story. It's not very romantic, is it? Because I know, I know where you were yesterday. You've very much answered my question. It's not exciting. versus like two people who can't, oh, it's romantic. I love it. So anyway, when I was thinking about rejection the book,

what I thought was really interesting and what I feel like I haven't really seen in, well, I can't place anything right now of the top of my head, but admittedly, this is unformulated thought. So if I sat down and considered it, I could probably give you quite a comprehensive list. But as of right now, I can't think of anything in media. I can't think of another book that has so, like, explicitly explored what happens when the sort of biological, primitive need for visibility and connection is taken away and almost how far that destruction can go.

That book is not a central reading for this podcast, but I do think it's interesting. Social media just is this barrier where you can drift just enough so that you never feel like you actually have to reach out. Honestly, my biggest, I don't know if it was a life hack, or like, a red flag. I don't know if it's a toxic trait of mine or something I would advise. Nothing better having a drink and replying to every single person's Instagram story that I've ever met, or just the people that I absolutely love and admire from afar. I actually think replying to Instagram stories is such, uh, and maybe this is why I don't view a lot of Instagram stories, because I almost feel like, well, you've shown me that. So now I'm compelled to speak on it. Like, you've shown me

something. I can't just look at what, scroll away. at least I have to heart it. And I think that's another thing why I'm not watching Instagram stories. Just like, I can't, my Bruce Almighty taking all of these thoughts, I cannot possibly. Now, it's a bit of a dilemma, isn't it? Because I've gone from the person who doesn't want to reply to people because I think they won't even notice that I haven't replied,

because I'm a speck of dust in their life. Crazy. That was a crazy thing that I said. Just moments, mere moments ago. And now I'm saying, if someone has presented me with something on their Instagram story, they probably expect my take on it. probably they're going to see my name in that list, Erin Emerald, they're going to think, that's weird, she doesn't tell me what she thought of that.

But I probably did have thoughts. And if I like you, and I love to see it, I want to let you know. Anyway, just interesting, I think, and I'm not posting that much of Instagram stories. Sorry, this is the Instagram story podcast. There is also, I can't get away from the social media aspect of it, just because it is sort of the dominant narrative driver, like the propeller of, I would even say the dominant propeller of human emotion. Again, unformulated. It's on the pod now.

I mean, yeah. It's the key driver of rhetoric. It's the key media format. And it's for most people, pretty unavoidable. And there's that great sherry-tah call quote where she's talking about connection. Basically saying, like, with technology, with social media, we expect more from social media and less of each other.

It just allows us to coexist and not. It's kind of the thing when people are like, you want a village, but you don't want to be a villager, whatever. We're allowed to exist in this world where you can vaguely keep up with people by seeing what they're doing on social media with none of the expectation of actually, like, legitimately showing up for them, which, by the way, I am a huge advocate for very, like, low maintenance, I don't know if low effort is really the right word, but yeah, low maintenance friendships, just formed on the basis of a shared understanding that we both have lives and a lot of love for each

other at the same time. And one does not negate the other. And like, actually it can be, I just think, like, a beautiful form of friendship and all of the forms that friendship can come in. I think there's something really special about something that just almost like lives within you, just the awareness of, that's my girl, that's my dog. And when things come up, when things go awry, I know who's there. my girl my dog and also with the social media thing it's like don't maybe bring up the pandemic guys but like there are babies who don't know how to use facial expressions because they were locked up no one wants me to talk about this pandemic i was there i saw you there you were there in that pandemic too i saw it with my own eyes and no one wants to speak about it but i think it's crazy

absolutely wild and really i mean look it becomes redundant immediately it's like what do you want me to say the pandemic changed everything but it did that's exactly what it did. It changed everything. It changed the whole concept of like personhood and societal contribution and totally stripped away so much of the foundation of like what people viewed as undeniable truth. Also thinking about, I guess a sort of trend on the internet at the moment. This is very internet focused for the moment, but I promise we'll speak about the real world a little bit. There's so much, I wonder if you've seen like on the internet, I see so many things. Not so many, but I see it every now and then.

It will be like night in with me, like with no friends and nobody in my life. Like, I just think like the concept of isolation. It's so funny to me, as someone who has been extremely isolated by my own design, well, by the design of my brain being so crazy. Not crazy, just testing. Testing times. but yeah as someone who has experienced a lot of isolation a lot of i'll speak for myself my isolation is extremely bleak and like grimy like it's not it's not cute it's not like i mean the last thing

i want to do is no it ain't right it ain't right the thought of filming that or like i'm making that sound like a point that it isn't because one thing i will say is i hate when people are like they see someone crying on the internet which i would never do as we know They see someone like crying in like a TikTok or something and they're like, I just don't get that. Like I've never once thought when I'm crying, let me film it. And it's like, well, have you considered for a moment then that filming things mean something different to you than it does to them? Have you considered that crying means something different to you than it does to them? Have you considered that they are a different person to you?

And they're actually crying and being vulnerable and your first instinct is to be like, that's so weird. I think you're a bit weird. Because when I see people cry, I think, me too. I think, oh my God, I do that all the time. We're so similar. We have the same hobby. When I'm isolating myself, I'm not making cute, like, haven't seen anyone in two weeks, Tee-hee sort of videos.

That's not to say that there's anything inherently wrong with them, but I think it's an interesting sort of trend. So, like, not on a microscale, not on an interpersonal thing. I don't think it's weird that X, Y, Z person has done that. It's not my point. And we'll find my point together. because I'm not quite sure what it might be, but more so I think the idea that there is a trend of an awareness of some sort of phenomenon and something, it's some sort of a buzzword,

some sort of a keyword of identifying as someone who is on their own, whether that's with friendships or romantic relationships. It's almost a bit of a algorithm driver. I'm sure part of that my instinct would be to say, because everyone feels fucking lonely, or like everyone in some capacity feels like the odd one out. So obviously it's inherently clickable. It has that air of vulnerability, something that feels authentic. It's disrupting.

If your feed is full of things that are aspirational, someone saying, hey, I'm on my own tonight. It's very attainable because a lot of people surprise, surprise, spend a lot of nights on their own. And that is the reality. But also, I think a huge thing that I find really interesting about it is those videos in particular often, the content really is more about the things that they do.

And when I say do, I mean products that they like, things that they have bought more than it's about their experience of being on their own. Like the content is actually, here's the face mask that I bought tagged. Here's, and I'm not looking down on this, by the way, but isn't it interesting that societally, I would maybe, pose the argument here. We'll see. Will I? It seems to me it could be the case that loneliness is okay if it is beautiful. Loneliness is like, sorry, I just saw my fucking face smiling and my nerve damage look bad. But loneliness is okay. Loneliness is cool if it looks expensive. If it is a beautiful

girl in a beautiful city. It's going to be me in New York next week. I'm not going to be lonely in New York. I'm so excited. I'm just imagining myself in New York. I mean, McCauley Calkinan in so hard. It's going to be so good. But yeah, is loneliness acceptable when it is actually presented as beautiful things for you to buy? So the thing that I find, right, I find this interesting. Do you also find this interesting?

I would love to know. Do you not find that there is a huge moral implication of lonely, Hmm, what I mean by that? I hear you cry. So basically, I mean, it's kind of... Olivia Rodriguez said this recently, which again, I'm not judging her at all. My only judgment of Olivia... My only judgment of Olivia Rodrigo would be, you're a genius. Because that fucking album, I can't get over that someone could create such a specific, coherent, delicious, textured, well-referenced,

lovingly created album at 23 years old. I don't even want to go there. But yeah, I'm not judging her, but she said something like, I think they asked her, like an interviewer asked her, what is a red flag maybe or like what's a toxic thing in people? Which I hate the language of toxic. I actually don't know if that was the word that they use.

I fucking hate that word. Maybe let's speak about that in a few episodes time. I hate that. Toxic. How dare you say someone's toxic? What are you the fucking effing? FDA. What are you finding we've got a 2319, Monster's Ink? Toxic. It's a human being, you lunatic.

Anyway, yeah, they said to her, what's the red flag? What is a red flag that you see or whatever? I'm getting that horrible thing where you forget where you put makeup on and then your nose, like around your nose, it's itchy. There's like a tiny hair or something in your nose. And then it's like, you can't just like scratch it off because it's like, what, I'm going to get like a huge gash in my makeup. But it's so annoying. It's like my nose never itches when I'm just like, in the shower, like no makeup, living my life or whatever. Put makeup on immediately. It's like, what is that?

Anyway, they asked Oliver O'Rigo, yes, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll spit it out. What is a red flag that you see or whatever? Something that would put you off of someone. And she said something that is suspicious is when people have had, I actually can't even remember what she said. Something like people have had like a lot of arguments with friends or like a lot of, no. She said if someone can't hold a friendship, basically.

And there's obviously, like, that's not the first person who said that. It's actually a belief that I had held in my life until I had loads of arguments my friends, no, I'm joking. Kind of. It's a belief that I had held when I was younger. You know, it's obviously nuanced and whatever. And I think she's not necessarily saying that she lives and dies by this. It's just a thing that she was feeling on that day.

But again, the moral implication of if you're struggling in your relationships, you must be a bit suspicious then. You are a little sticious because why? You must be the problem. You must have some sort of issue. And actually, yes, maybe. Like, that's probably one part of it. But also the things that I have seen in my life and just anecdotally,

if someone is like struggling through their relationships, it can often be like a symptom of something, if not more nuanced, then actually like a lot more devalued. of like they're probably not struggling with their relationships by choice. It could be through like a lot of change, a lot of disruption in their life, a lot of like trauma or abuse or like really being mentally ill and isolating themselves. Things that I don't think a person should be judged for. In fact, I think they should be offered a social olive branch of recognition that if you're struggling in your friendships or romantic relationship or whatever it may be and your inner period

of isolation, loneliness or feeling a little bit like unseen or not visible in the world. I don't think that's a moral failing. I think it might just be where you're at. And beyond it not being a moral failing, I think it's actually a moral failing on society. I think it's a them problem that they're judging you. But I think it is moral failing on society that just need like an inch more nuance in that conversation. I think it's like yes, but also like another quick thing is that loneliness and going back to the book rejection can, it's so destructive. Like it's so damaging to your sense of self and your personhood and your existence on this planet. Like it is an it's imperative. It's a biological imperative that you must feel connected in some way to the world the people around

you. If you're not feeling that way, the last thing I want to happen to you is for everyone to say, oh, you're a fucking weirdo, mate. No one likes you. Must be a you problem. What? What did you say? What did you say to that lonely person? That is so crazy to me.

And I actually really get it. It's not that crazy. But I just think that's a fraction of the conversation that I'm never seeing is actually that, like, Olivia girl, what if they're not the problem? They're probably not a perfect person. But, yeah, I don't think it should be like a barometer of, sort of moral judgment. I actually think it's kind of the opposite. It's like people can be isolated or find themselves in social groups

that don't reflect them or they don't feel seen or they don't feel like they have like a group of people or a strong relationship because of like their sexuality, their race, their gender. Like it might sound like I'm throwing everything at the wall here, but it's actually legitimately true. Also at the same time, I think, and for example, if you're someone who is in that situation where you're, you are feeling a little bit like your friends are maybe not reflecting back at you what you would

like or you're not feeling all that hot in your relationships. You know, the TikTokers are onto something. It's important to, I mean, we're not going to speak about romanticisation, quote, unquote, but like changing your perspective is a massive life hack. If you want to call that romanticisation, then absolutely do so. Be my guest. You know what? You can do whatever you want under my roof, anything go, whatever you want.

want. I support it, within reason. I also think as well, as you get older, the more people you can like, I was going to say run through, which is kind of crazy. I don't mean run through. I don't mean like train. I mean, the more people you can just know, I think, and then have those opportunities where you can deepen it or dip out and sort of, you know, the urban, prepare to diamond. Some may say, prepare to diamond. It's true. The diamond can come for you and that's all right. Basically, if you don't know what, oh, I hate to do this, guys, but if you don't know what I'm saying, prepared to diamond, basically, I can't believe what I'm saying this. Lucy Sheridan, if you haven't heard of her, she's the world's first comparison coach. Just Google her, you'll be mind-blown.

Basically, I'm joking. Well, I'm sure she's great. But she had this thing that she would talk about where basically friendships, relationships, whatever, are like diamonds, the shape of a diamond. You go in and you go out, you go in and you go out. Prepare to diamond. basically, just be prepared for your relationships in your life to ebb and flow. Never a truer word spoken. Every year that passes, I think, boy, I'm ebbing in places I didn't know I'd be ebbin,

and I'm flowing in places that I did not expect to flow. All because of Lucy Sheridan giving me this vocab. And she's right. Prepare to fucking diamond. Anyway, I do think as you get older, especially, yeah, in your 20s, uni, there's people everywhere, whatever. You'll be surprised. There's people out there who would find you really funny

and would really like you a lot and like, want to say happy birthday to you and stuff like that. And you probably, you might not even have met them yet. What a lovely thought, but genuinely. Yeah, I do find as well,

like, I feel like I used to be someone who I would sort of, I don't want to say like, not, I don't know, I feel like I look back on it now and I can,

you know, as you, things happen, whatever, blah, blah, they just go to the back. They're just distraught in your life. That was an experience that you have.

Then as time passes, you kind of look back and you think, let me just reframe that quickly. Or like, oh, maybe that was like not what I thought it was. There are basically, there are a few times where I can look back on and I think, oh, like, that person was probably trying to like be my friend. And I just at the time thought, like, well, I've got friends. I just wasn't in that space of working on new friendships. I just almost didn't even see that as a possibility. I guess I was like younger.

I was like, you know, early 20s, I kind of just thought, your friends are just giving. to you and then you die. Like, you just get your friends and then why would you go looking for anyone? Like, almost, I just didn't know that I could like other people. Like, I hadn't even thought of it. Hadn't even crossed my naive little mind. Like, the time passes. And now I think I'm much more receptive to when people want to be my friend.

And I also think, I'm just like I don't need to have, I feel like when I, again, when I was a bit younger. And I guess just naturally with proximity, every friendship would be so, I don't say so intense. but I think as I've gotten older, things have changed and shifted and whatever, like your lives look different. I think there's so much benefit to having friends that, you know, you don't need to, you know, know, know each other's blood type. I actually don't know my own blood type. Do you know yours? Just in case of emergency, if they call on us.

You know what? I do know. Right, this is, again, another weird one. I don't know what I keep talking about, like, when I was a kid, but I'm obviously going through something. I do remember. So when I was really little, so my granddad died the year before I was born. I've definitely said that sentence before on the podcast. You didn't need to know that.

But my mum's dad, my granddad died the year before I was born, never met him. And he sort of became this like mythological figure, sort of legend of this man growing up. Like everyone would talk about him. My cousin, my nan, my mom, like everyone would be like, oh my God, he was the best, he was the best. And you didn't even know him. And I'd be like, horrible. Devastating. So he was like this godly figure.

And then I remember, for whatever reason, I'm probably just like sat in the kitchen, only child life, all I did was like listen to the adult speak. Big mistake. Look how that turned out. And for whatever reason, they were talking about my granddad's blood type. I don't know. And I remember hearing what it was. And I remember them saying, oh, it's rare blood type.

If you're into blood types, you probably know what one it is. Is it one of the O's? Is an O? Or is that really common? I don't know. But basically, he had a blood type and it was a rare blood type. And I remember thinking, I want that one. And then I remember I had to have an operation on my neck.

It's not important. Great almondstery. I had a great time. I wore a neck brace. I was like this. That's where my jaw was fucked, probably. Anyway, it's a long story. We don't need my medical history.

I had this operation and I found out what blood type I was. What do you think? What do you think? Not the one that my granddad had. Not the rare one. And I took it hard. I took it. Just like I thought I was so special. Why would you do? What? Some common schmuck? Blood type

running through my veins. Anyway, brought up the blood type thing for why. Can't remember. That's crazy actually. Why did I bring that up? Fuck. Oh, it's harder when you're on your own. Because there's no one here to say you started talking about this. Blood type. I'm doing when my granddaddy died a year before I was born. I was talking about making friends. So why did I start talking about my granddad's blood? type. It's a mystery. It escapes me. But basically, I don't need to know your blood type, but I would love to hear it. Just more so, I don't know, there's different friends for different activities and different friends for different like purposes and times in your life and whatever. And it's not even like

a conscious thing. It's actually just the way that things fall. And I've actually, my God, been having this conversation a fair bit with people specifically in Brighton, because I always feel like Brighton is such as the best girls in the world live here, speaking from experience. But I find it to be such a transient place in that you form these friendships, you find out people's blood types, and then they ship off back to London or wherever they came from, which is so devastating. And also fine. I love to meet people in Brighton because it is the best place to be Brighton girls. Say hi, hit me up, because the more the merrier. There's actually genuinely like not really much that I love more than having like a weird little conversation especially when we're from the same internet like oh my god

we go to the same internet i know you and also be nice to each other if there's people like i don't know i don't know i wonder if there's something i can do with like people who listen i would love to just connect you guys somehow we'll look back on that if you're in new york let me know is that are we done here it's a different beast doing it alone i'll tell you that much that's did not go how I thought it was going to go. God, I can't. Capital gave me the cash for was like a long time ago, done it? Again, let me know, like, what you think I should be talking about. Your thoughts on life. Let me know where you're at. All right. That was fun. Again, like I said in the last one, I don't want you to be worried about me, but also I do very highly value your validation and

enthusiasm and support. So feel free to bring that in, in hordes. Feel free to bring that in abundance, in excess. Shower me with love, if you wouldn't mind. Follow the pod. God, I never say things like that. But, like, genuinely, like, if you have, I don't know, do you find yourself in these parts often? You may as well follow it. I follow loads of podcasts on Spotify. I never even get them on my feed. Trust me, it's very non-offensive. You'll never see me again. Just follow it. And what else? You could rate it really highly if you want. Anything lower than four stars, you can't rate it that, unfortunately, because there will be a curse on... whoa i'm sorry i shouldn't have said that's really cruel especially to people with oCD i remember when i was little last thing about when i was little on the computer shouldn't have been on the computer i got some sort of email i don't know who emailed me when i was fucking 10 years old with my email address and it was like a chain thing i actually think it was the boy at school that i had a crush on and i ended up getting with at the time not anymore we're far away actually don't even know where he is anymore how romantic and it said like if you don't pass this email on to everyone that you know then

with a family is going to die in seven days. So that was fucked up. And I feel like that's what I just did. I didn't mean it. And you don't have to rate the pod. And you probably don't even want to follow the pod anymore after everything that I've said. But hi. Thank you very much.

Actually, thanks. And I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I'm having so much fun. All right. Let's go. See you around, kid. And I'm not going to say that.

Bye.