Goes Without Saying - exes, fate, & right person, wrong time: (delulu girl shit)

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on destiny and fate, failed relationships, breakups, situationships, rejection, desire, romantic types and stereotypical tropes. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. This episode is about right person, wrong time.

So that doesn't hook you, I don't know what will. We're talking about romantic tropes fate destiny is he right for me or is he just an arsehole i don't know who knows we're talking about breakups rejection men all the deep stuff really so enjoy beautiful hi hello hello there oh wow this is suddenly quite nice i was really uncomfortable suddenly i'm good oh my god it's perfect we're horizontal as always oh as always as always truly under about 12 blankets yeah you are really tucked up it's almost like and with a heated blanket underneath yeah nice you're

feeling a bit under the weather today aren't you i'm a little bit head ached so i might be a bit out of it but that's fine it's better than nothing i guess did you manage to have a nap i closed my eyes and kind of went into a few like you know when it's like you start kind of dozing but then you wake up like and almost don't actually get to sleep yeah yeah and it's like you start kind of dozing, but then you wake up like. And almost you get that thing where your leg just suddenly kicks. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, oh, where am I supposed to be recording? Is that how I'm about to go to sleep? Yeah.

But it's fine. What about you? How are you feeling? I've just been to the osteopath. Oh, yeah. Had my massage. Thank God. So luxurious.

It's so cool. The thing is, an osteopath massage is not like it is a luxury to be able to not have a painful. Yeah, that's what I mean. But. But it's a luxury to be able to not have a painful yeah that's what i mean but um but it's a terrible experience like i bumped into my friend in town afterwards and she was like oh god you just had a massage it's like i don't know if you can even really call it massage it's like someone a bit more like physio it's like someone kind of frantically rubbing your skin in the world's most painful really nice yeah in the in your most painful places too and almost like she did these ones at the she was like okay i'm gonna do your tendons at the back of

your skull now and i was like i was literally she did dug her like claws into the back of my head and i was like i've never felt that sensation before felt like something inside your brain kind of clicking it was so weird nice that's how i am nice morning nice morning but my back is is slightly less we also went to peach's princess peach's house last night oh my god we did we met which was well actually we didn't well we met some cardboard cutouts of peach we met cardboard cutouts of Peach and we were surrounded by people who were dressed up as Peach. We were. But the OG Peach was no one.

Yeah, we went to this Nintendo event and it was so fun and peachy. It was peachy. We got a thing being like, you are cordially invited by Princess Peach. Her Royal Highness Princess Peach cordially invites you. Her Royal Highness. We should ask her where Kate Middleton is. We should. I wouldn't have got that reference 20 minutes ago.

Now we've got an inside scoop. Oh, really? I just watched a thing about that. Now we've got connections to the royal family. To the royal family. Via Princess Peach. My uncle's Kate Middleton's bodyguard. Shut up.

Well, he's obviously not doing a very good job. You know this about me. Do I? Yeah. That's somewhere indleton's bodyguard. Shut up. Well, he's obviously not doing a very good job. You know this about me. Do I? Yeah. That's somewhere in the back of my brain, but go on. Well, he's like my mum's cousin. He's like my uncle. He's like a guy in my family.

He's the bodyguard for Kate Middleton and Prince whatever his name is. Well, hello. Who is this man? My mum saw him the other day. I should ask. God, no. Seva, you legitimately need to ask. Genuinely.

I don't know why is this a joke like what the fuck's going on yeah he like lives with them i don't know if he does what are you he like goes out with them it's really weird stop you know this i don't know if i'm affecting his safety well they don't know if you if anyone wants to like go and kill the royal family don't i literally have no it's got nothing to do with us oh my god i'm actually i'm physically i'll join on the hunt right anyway um i'll set up the guillotine jesus anyway um today we're gonna try our hardest to talk about to do a proper episode and talk about right person wrong time that whole kind of um theory school of thought phenomenon it is it is a phenomenon and it's a trope which i think we love the tropes we love to unpack a trope we do

we love romantic romantic tropes and we love to discuss them in detail on packed trains for example yeah we do loudly so yeah we were talking loudly on the train we always do but we'll not always do but sometimes i if we start talking loudly i think keep doing this i think let's put on a show i think you if you're man spreading i'm gonna shall we talk about that that one man spreader he literally like he essentially pulled me onto his lap it was weird so you know how on trains i don't know if this is a thing in all countries but on kind of on the tempe express british whatever railway trains yeah you have lots of seats of two and then you occasionally get seats of like the four where there's two facing each other it's a perfect experience

if there's me and wing wanting a chat we've both got a coffee we bought some cookies we're ready to we're ready to dish the dirt basically on the train we're ready for a chat we get on tell me why every single four four has one man one man horizontal over the seats one man in a thing of four every single one that's a fucking hate crime i'm sorry so we're gonna have to squish on a two together which to be honest is hardly a hardship it's fine but it's it's just intriguing because if i was ever on my own on a train which i am often i never ever ever have the audacity to watch people start getting on and i'm in a four taking up a four and there are people getting on in their groups and i just keep taking up the four i just would never do that and guys it was like literally it was a clone of the same kind of 45 year old man in each carriage taking up the same

leg spread as well that was really fucking annoying actually when you actually see man spreading in action it is infuriating and i am known to spread i will do it as a rebellion genuinely push back it's like you'll see my knickers because i am going to spread over these push back it's like you'll see my knickers because i am going to spread over these i'm in a skirt god but it's a win-win no no i'll spread because how dare you you'll see my knickers is that a threat they do and i think yeah no they should man yeah tough shit man tough shit man okay so anyway also can we talk about that man oh just quick just between me yeah just all the men i had a flashback last night to the man at the cinema yesterday that showed us that we've cut it was so scary there was just a man literally

so sephi was facing away from him but i was facing him and he was staring into my eyes so at first i was kind of trying to avert his gaze i was just kind of looking around but he was holding up a card so i thought he was like and he was kind of dressed like in the uniform a ticket inspector yes he was dressed like a ticket inspector so i thought okay is he asking for tickets so i i said is it tickets and he nodded yes so i was like oh okay and i kept staring got my ticket out staring horror movie genuinely giving like oh god we're in smile it was and i turned around i looked around the carriage and i realized we put ourselves into like the end there was nowhere to go from that carriage so he was kind of blocking us in and we were the only ones there and it was

he was the joker yeah it was not nice it wasn't great but luckily we're getting off at that stop and but so was he i know but we did manage to hang but we trailed a real moment where i thought oh god this is like i literally thought what the fuck is going on now but then i laughed at his face because you know when you realize someone's really staring at you and i was really trying not to look trying not to look and then when you turned around and realized that he was staring this is no longer this isn't weird yeah this isn't right and you kind of looked back at me like what the fuck's going on that was when i just broke because i just your reaction to things just makes me laugh i went from like trying to be keep normal and like my reaction was it weird no it wasn't weird

it was just hilarious like you you turned around looked at him and then just kind of looked back at me like with wide eyes like what the fuck is going on oh god like why are we having eye contact with this man like why am i in a staring competition it was so strange anyway we're alive tell the tale the train there those are stories about the train um on which we always discuss romantic tropes our favorite thing to discuss right person wrong time i know we've touched on it a few times over the history of the pod any thoughts jumping out at you to start us off i don't know what i think about it because in certain ways i think is it a way of making someone stay with someone that isn't good for

them because so many times I think it's actually kind of a useful thing to say to yourself in the early stages of a breakup but so many times people will be like basically when you still kind of love someone or you still like them or whatever and it's ended to be like it's just not now like now is not the right time i think that's a good sort of thing to tell yourself but i think comforting thought maybe it's a load of bollocks like there are occasions obviously where people grow and change or schedules don't overlap and blah blah blah but i also think if someone is going to tell me you're the right person but it's the wrong time to me that means you are not the right person, but it's the wrong time to me,

that means you are not the right person for me. Because if you are not willing, what you want me to literally wait or age a little bit or what do you want? Move somewhere. What do you want? You want the time to be different. Well, it's not. Very bizarre. It's not.

And OK, so we'll leave it then. Yeah, I agree that my crux with the right person wrong time thing is i just think in in my life and my experience and the way that my mind would work if it's the wrong time it is inherently the wrong person and that's not to say that for example in those situations where you might come back together years later and things are different yeah but that's none of your business that's it's none of your business and also it's like yeah right person wrong time but they weren't the right person at that it's not right person wrong time because they were the wrong person and now they're not and i think just

the idea of a person is like a fluid thing yeah that if it's the right person wrong time it's just the wrong person it's just the wrong thing and you might both be different people later down the line when it's the right time but it doesn't mean that it was just the timing was wrong i think it is about who you were as people wasn't right because if you're the right people it could never be the wrong time totally like if it's if i i think it's kind of one of those things of if that's the right thing that's supposed to happen right now it will happen it will happen yeah it also kind of perpetuates an idea of there being a right person yeah although there can be lots and lots of people that are wrong and lots of people that are right for you i think it creates this like idea around dating and romance that of like a

search that you're searching for this one right person it's like oh well that was wrong for me that was wrong for me so i'm looking for the thing that is right for me and whilst that is exactly what you're doing i don't think it's maybe the most healthy way or even like the most accurate way of experiencing things of experiencing romance that you're not looking for this one perfect person because to be honest i don't particularly believe that there is one perfect person for each person i do think there are loads and loads and loads of variables in life and someone that can be perfect for you uh in January could not be perfect for you at all in December and

I don't necessarily believe in the idea that everyone has one person that they'll be with for the rest of their life and they're their soulmate or whatever I kind of think there can be someone that's perfect for you up to a certain age and then you outgrow them and like i do think it's fluid and changing and i think it kind of perpetuates a bit of an outdated and a sort of line of thought that just like drives women on this like endless search for like this perfect person in a system that is not designed like that at all yeah because i think the idea of just life is life is like show your workings there's not one right answer at the end of the absolutely experience it's like you can't it's not like oh that was wrong and that's a failure and that was right according to who and exactly what's the mark scheme yeah show me show me the marks what

show me the criteria here yeah show me the marking criteria so true who's the exam board what edXO rating your fucking edXO is embarrassing yeah there's not one right answer that you're looking for there can be to be honest every answer is kind of right and wrong and that's why it's fun to just go through it you know because it feels right and it's like yeah but a lot i mean everything feel right when you're having fun like let's be real that's completely subjective totally it's also it's just about did you wake up in a good mood on that day this feels right it's like yeah yeah have you told yourself the right story exactly i really because it's like i could be having for example we could have

a great old fun day a perfect day the same day could happen on two different oh my god two different events so it's the exact same day it's the exact same sequence of events one time i'm on my period one time literally one time i've got dirty hair surprise surprise and the way that i'll be on one day being like this is amazing i'm so happy i'm in such a good point in my life i'm so grateful i'm so i'm just thriving right now oh my god i'm so deserving of all these amazing things that are happening and the other day i'll be like i don't know if i'm cut out for this planet yeah and they're both valid but it's more so about the context of what's going on in my head yeah the stories i'm telling myself like what narrative am i leaning into what mood am i in what perception am i bringing like what's my perspective on this

as opposed to what is the actual tangible reality or the content of this specific day or relationship or experience that i'm having because so much of reality is actually what we make of it like oh my god it is exactly what is going on in your head so let's make it rock let's make it that's what you make it that's what she says right so let's make it rock i don't know where that she says that in her song that one oh i don't know that one let's make it rock i'm pretty sure she says let's make it rock i like the sound of it i don't know the one i only know you rock i'm pretty sure she says let's make it rock i like the sound of it i don't know that one i only know you got nerve you don't know how to want to have a life's what you make it life's what you make wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and

not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay.

These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com

Can I quickly find that, or is that really a-cast.com a-cast? no can I quickly find that or is that really like yeah go on find it a drama queen thing to do let's find it is it called

life's what you make it? best song by Hannah Montana it does sound like something she would say if we were a movie you'd be the record yeah life's what you make it Sefa you know this

get to some lives yeah yeah let's make it there life's what you make it so let's make it rock yeah yeah i like i like the first person to ever say life's what you make it fucking hannah montana the found honestly so let's make it rock so let's make it rock of all things we could make it do let's make it rock let's make it rock let's shift some ground here not suck no not suck should we explain that yeah go on so yesterday we so if we bought this fur coat which you might have seen if you've been following us on instagram yeah this is a bigger story than i remembered yeah so do you want to take this go Go on. I bought a fake fur coat.

Yeah. From a shop that will not be named. Well, you might have to name it because the name is in the joke. Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's from Motivs. Well, you could say it's from Something Rocks. Okay.

It's from Something Rocks. You might know it. I would like to work with them. Would absolutely love to. The quality of this item really wasn't good. So I was like, okay, I'm going to send it back. work with them would absolutely love to the quality of this item really wasn't good so i was like okay i'm gonna send it back um it was kind of a big back and forth with the people because literally i got it and every single button fell off and i had to like sew them back on it was

bought it with her own money by the way yeah of course oh my goodness 80 pounds let me say as well so like an expensive coat it's not cheap it's not cheap for something that like immediately fell apart so i was a bit back and forth with them like hi i've worn this but like it literally disintegrated in my bare hands the second i touched it um so please can i send this back simultaneously combusted they said yes and i wore it then to wings house and you came up with a genius idea i had a qr code to send it back and then you came up with a genius idea you I had a QR code to send it back, and then you came up with a genius idea. You were like, why don't you just send it back from here? And I was like, good riddance.

Let's get rid of this thing. Like, thank you so much. Let's do the ritual. I can't wait to get this out of my sight. Yeah. We went to the post office together, which was so nice of you to come with me to do my errands. Obviously.

Nothing wrong with anything to do. We wrapped it up in a little bag and took it there. And the guy, he was like this old man yeah and he was like rocks and i was like yeah i wouldn't buy anything from there because this coat just fell apart and he was like oh they're not rocking then and i was like no they're sucking good one so she handed over the parcel and everything was a bit kind of and then we were walking away and i just said was that a bit sexual like why did i say sucking to an old man no they're sucking no they're sucking and he kind

of went okay he just took he's probably still thinking about it i thought it was fine but it was fine it was oh god sucking and life's what you make it so let's not make it. He's probably still thinking about it. I thought it was fine, but it was just like... It was fine, it was. Oh, God. Sucking. And life's what you make it, so let's not make it sucking. Let's not make it sucking. If you don't mind. Let's make it rock. Let's make it rocking.

Let's make it rocking, not sucking. Let's make it rock. Okay, so have you ever had someone... Have you ever thought to yourself, oh, this might be a case of right person, wrong time? Let me rack my brains through my histories just quickly you can comb through them too if you can think of any well the one that comes to mind is the one that i always say that you like the song the one by taylor swift because it's nothing no no i think you

can give that a bit of weight no are you sure because it's just like a good kind of who you're talking about right now okay so basically sephi had this kind of like ending of this situation with this guy and then he was still kind of on he was like you know everyone's moved on but like that was still the one kind of on the mind sort of thing like of kind of if it was a convo yeah it was a conversation that could happen taylor swift comes out with a genius song called the one yeah of course and you think you know roaring 20 saucing pennies in the pool you know that was fun whatever like i thought i saw you at the bus stop i didn't though because there were many a time we thought we saw him at the bus stop we didn't though i just think there was the bus stop many a time yeah and saw you at the bus stop and i did though and you did sometimes many i don't know i just think there's a lingering of

him in that song because you do love that song i love that song so much but i really that is a hundred percent not who i'm picturing when i hear that song well mate i just don't think it is yeah no actually i need to let you have that to me that is not i think at the time a hundred percent i would have been like like yeah i would have been like oh my god that's such a shame that ended but i don't think i would have been like yeah like yeah i would have been like oh my god that's such a shame that ended but i don't think i would have been like right person wrong time about it i just yeah i don't know if that was ever the thought about it because i don't think i would have thought oh in a in a different environment this would have gone a different way i don't think i thought that it's hard to sort of track back but yeah i think it's a comforting narrative when you i think i thought after that ended that isn't done like i'm gonna

see him again yeah i'm gonna see him again for sure but i don't think i ever thought and then it will all work and all of that i think i thought i'm gonna see him again and he'll rue the day yeah and get he'll get his comeuppance he'll rue the day he's he's been ruined he's now he's rude he's rude he's utterly rude days he is he rude a long time ago yeah and that's fine i don't need any more ruining no no i guess not but it would be nice for you to kind of be center stage and he's like in the back and he's like oh my god yeah he'll be like he'll be ruined i don't think he is i just i think he i mean to be honest might be a gay man but i just think i think that's the that's the ultimate theory that i think actually now um he's not ruined and it's absolutely fine yeah he was he was young and also probably

closeted yeah but i i'm gonna call into question his sexuality yeah fair enough fair enough and that's for him to you know that's his business i also think there's so much one of my favorite things is just in life like you don't know all of the amazing things that are ahead of you like you can't even plan it you can't even wish for it like you wouldn't even know what to ask for or what to manifest like you wouldn't yeah oh my god you wouldn't know how to identify the things that you're gonna love in your future which is why i think the idea of like wrong time we were kind of talking yesterday i think just about the fact of like oh my god thank god we met like in uni or whatever thank god we both ended up there etc etc

and it really is thank i mean thanks something i don't know who to thank hannah montana like honestly the cosmic wheel thank you to the cosmic wheel that led us both there and then into this podcast together yeah because there are so many versions of this life where we're not doing this and we never probably met totally yeah i do think there's so much in the kind of unknown what is that it's the unknown do you know what that is no i'm trying to get it what is that what is that how do you know it's the unknown it's the thing from the fucking willy wonka the thing that unknown thing it's the unknown i think i have blanked that out yeah fair enough i mean i'm still there what is that it's the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life well that's what the future is full of the unknown that's what we're headed for the unknown but in the best way like

yeah when i think about some of my favorite things or like my favorite relationships i even i know i just said like the fact that we have this podcast and stuff but just any good things that have ever happened lots of them yeah were unpredictable and didn't necessarily they weren't the obvious thing it's kind of the invisible string of it all it's like i didn't know that i was going to be tied back to so many different things and this is when i start to get a bit um kind of emo about like thinking about the podcast in particular like when people listen and they're so sweet and it's just the honor bestowed unto us that we were so unknowingly and so undeserving like to receive

it's just amazing but it is the kind of invisible string thing of like oh my god i didn't know how i knew we were gonna talk but i didn't know who was gonna listen and i didn't know how we'd ever get it to be heard by anyone to be honest and then here you are, you found us, you showed up. I'm so glad. Like somehow you found us. And that is really a magical thing. And I do think like, there are so many unfair and unjust experiences of being a human on this planet. There are so many things that are just inexcusable, God, or whoever may be responsible, inexcusable and horrific. may be responsible inexcusable and horrific but in so many ways the idea of things kind of karma yeah things having something something's got your back like things will work out for you and amongst the shit there will always be kind of silver linings of

just lovely little gifts and beautiful experiences yeah and if people are supposed to be in your life they'll be there and you don't even know the amazing people that you're yet to meet and all of the fun that you're gonna have you just you've got no idea the things that are coming for you i think that's why in a sort of less deep way i don't really believe in like less cringe way no just like almost like i that felt like a perfect ending so i hate to sort of oh no bring it back to sort of like never at all a dating sort of thing because that would be the perfect assume the worst moment and assume the world but now i'm bringing it back away from a perfect ending so i'm sorry

no never um but like that's why i kind of don't believe in types in a certain way like as much as i think yeah of course we all have these certain things that we find attractive all of that but it's something actually we've been speaking about recently off the podcast a bit but like when you have just been dating someone and you kind of break up with them or whatever you i definitely find that the people that i sort of start looking at i'm like oh my god they have sort of a resemblance to this person because you see the people you love in in other people other humans it's like i every dog i look at i see aussie totally totally embarrassing it yeah and it's just a weird thing that it's like okay so i for i'm actually just going to

be a bit on the nose here actually go on specifically say the traits that i thought which is just ridiculous i um have been like oh yeah i like really tall guys that are quite like ratty looking like that is that is perfect like that's what i would like and then recently you kind of know the drill dated someone that was american subverted the type subverted the type and didn't he had a very different look almost he wasn't short but he wasn't like a tall guy and recently since then i'm like josh hutchinson okay that's because josh hutchinson looks like this guy like a hundred percent um josh hudson famously short king love him famously libra king so much libra king she can't get enough of us librans and i've definitely noticed myself this guy wasn't really someone that i would think you would have gone for i think it caught me off guard a little bit

and then recently since then i'm like seeing a different thing it like yeah in guys and I'm like oh my god it really is so strange that you actually get so fixed in an idea of like I like this kind of guy like no that's just what you have experienced you actually don't have a clue and that is like you don't have a clue no clue what you like or really about anything that's going to happen or even your feelings about the things that are going to happen. And I think that's what be open to it rather than making it this search. And also to pull it back in to the cringeness that I was giving before. Yeah, pull it back. And I say this all the time, but like in a selfish way, I talk about it of the podcast.

time but like in a selfish way i talk about it of the podcast and i say it like us like anyone who compliments us or likes the podcast or thinks it gave them something or they think it's oh that was so amazing or that was so insightful or that helped me whatever blah blah blah it is really not about us it's about your projection onto whatever we've just done it's totally about you and it's like it's not about josh hutcherson sephi it's about you or it wasn't about that one guy it's about you because it's your ability like it's really i mean everything is i guess in a way honestly i all roads for you lead back everything is to be honest not even josh hutchinson peter malark that's fair everything is about peter malark every road leads you back to district 12 i back to the bakery she goes that to be true um i like serve off you go to your bakery oh my god i don't necessarily want to be in the bakery but every all reads do all roads do lead to peter

malark but it's about your ability to i just think it's really one of those beautiful things about humans that we kind of it's you sorry i keep referencing Taylor Swift, but use my best colours for your portrait. Like, it's like, I will view you in the most beautiful way. And it's not really about you being beautiful. It's about me being so generous with my love and having such a keen ability to see such lightness in you that I will walk through my life and see you in all of these strangers yeah it truly is in the eye of the beholder and so much of our experience is about our own projections onto people

relationships experiences events whatever um i would like for everyone to look at yourself the way that seffy looks at josh hutcherson you need to look at yourself in the way that you so lovingly look at other people I think that is a nice um a nice reminder for us all of like we're so quick to see such potential and be so forgiving and generous in the ways that we view lots of people in our lives wouldn't it be nice if we could just have literally a slither of that kindness reserved for ourselves? Because you all deserve that. You're all literally the sweetest, funniest, most intelligent, hilarious. 100%. So capable, so resilient, so iconic.

Raising the bar. Never been done before. Never been done before. Queen, queen, queen and castle, princess peach. Perfect. All right. If you don't hear from us, assume the West.