Goes Without Saying - fate, destiny & universal fuck-ups: podtober #4

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

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Extravaganza. This is the haunted opera singer. Thank you so much for all the love thank you so much everyone it's really um getting us through actually it's actually this is why i love the podmas and podtober energy now me too it just i feel like we get such a lease of life from it and it's so nice to see everyone else really enjoying it oh it hurts my heart it's really nice i feel like it's a real like everyone come together sort of vibe oh it's so special it's kind of um we have a little seasonal party yeah it's almost like we're getting the roast dinner out gather around everyone's around oh wow i would love that

i've got my linda mccartney sausages that i am sick of enjoy i just don't like roasts could it be any you guys have a roast i'll just have some pasta or something oh well we can you know we can have it all it's free this is trick or treat that's that's a problem for podmas this is a podtober time so true trick or treat halls i was kind of thinking about this the other day or yesterday or at some point over the past couple of days when i've just been in my blur of podtober and illness like that's where my head's been at and i was kind of i was i think it was because i was like looking over the podtober stuff and i was showing my boyfriend some of the like funny like videos and stuff and like some of the silly things and he was saying like how cool it is and then i kind of was thinking like did i

know this was gonna happen i didn't obviously surprise surprise i would love to say i did but like i don't know i was just really having a moment where i was kind of going back to like oh i didn't always have a podcast and i didn't always know you yeah yeah and like this very much wasn't the plan in so many ways no it wasn't the plan and i think it was i think it was what put me onto this train of thought was us talking about tarot't the plan and i think it was i think it was what put me onto this train of thought was us talking about tarot in the other episode i think it was when i was editing it the other day i was thinking like that is such a huge moment that's such a like milestone marker um kind of slipped through the cracks moment for us, I think, of like end of uni, really getting into

tarot and like being freaks together. Because if we didn't do that, we really wouldn't have the podcast. And then I kind of, I had this weird like flash forward moment, I kind of had a moment before my dying day, and I like flashed through all my life best bits, and I kind of saw my life happen, like play out, like kind of the past few years if we hadn't have done the podcast i was really like trying to figure out what did you what was the movie saying like what what was the vibe it was saying commiserations it was saying it was saying you don't have a podcast you suck you you didn't do it yeah you because you don't have a podcast you suck just me personally just me because almost for everyone else it's like

it's not about a podcast specifically it's just about the thing that you were looking for to fill that void and i think for us and for me specifically in that moment i remember like so so so what's the word i don't know so intensely craving some sort of something yeah that i didn't even have the like terminology for like the awareness of what that would be the fact that we did that fucking podcast at that fucking moment and we're still here today doing this fucking podcast is so like when you actually sit back and think about it it's fucking crazy because it very easily could not have happened and like there's very much i think a lot of other timelines out there where we're not doing this

no one's listening that tiny little space that sephie and wing now occupy in the minds of the most stunning girls in the world the most stunning people it doesn't exist in so many worlds i'm just so glad that we get to do this i'm so happy for us like the younger versions of us that did that for us this is what i find interesting about like that i mean i feel like everyone has seen sliding doors the movie was starring gwyneth paltrow and gwyneth paltrow um it is so that in life butterfly effect the butterfly effect it's almost like you can quite clearly see i don't know i do love to think about that like what

would have happened if this had happened what would have happened if that hadn't happened? And the podcast is a crazy one, like a real, yeah, like a sliding doors moment of like, if you have, we hadn't have probably got those tarot cards from Eleanor back in the day. Genuinely.

That secret Santa. I genuinely think that might have been it. Cause we did a house secret Santa and. And I also predicted who everyone had. Did you? Do you remember? And I wrote it down in my notes. did you say wait did you say i i've got my predictions no it was when it all came out i said look here are the predictions i wrote down when the truth came out it was revealed okay when the day was done that was one of my favorite days ever at uni secret santa we went to the ivy and look at us

go that was so yeah so iconic so extra for fucking um it really was extra and we all exchanged presents and it was i remember going to the toilets in there and kind of having i'd like probably had like a couple glasses of wine and like really looking at myself thinking like you're really happy right now like this is a happy moment so how it was such a happy moment i also remember at that moment we had no toilet roll in the house so we snuck toilet yeah we did steal a lot from the ivy the ivy their loo roll um but i just think that one is so weird because i just i i almost take it for granted now how integral the podcast is and like just this space in general how huge that is in like the makeup of who i am like the way that i function in the world is with the awareness it's always in the back of

my mind of like you have a podcast you have a space to speak and it's a luxury and like the people that are listening are never once taken for granted i just almost think the way that it shaped us so oh my god so extremely yeah i almost hadn't really taken a moment to fathom who the fuck would i be if this didn't really happen i genuinely genuinely don't know where i would be or what I would be doing but I know it would be terrible I think I've got some small ideas of what I'd be doing I think that's the thing that I have always held as the parallel obviously I have no I've got absolutely no clue and I think the possible like to even think about it is really scary of like oh god I think I would feel quite

like um empty and lost without this or like without this kind of like just like creative outlet and especially doing this with you has been so special and continues to be so special I but I think it's like I have quite an image of what I'd be doing and I really don't like the look of it so I think I really feel the gratitude towards like that yeah just almost like i was thinking about the other day like the confidence in ourselves that we had back in that early early stage when we were two girls in the library at sussex uni i remember being like i'm gonna write on the bathroom wall um follow at high priestess it's like jesus christ like don't do that like the people from your your seminars they'll all see like don't do this don't do writing weird shit on the walls like

you're not fucking moaning myrtle hanging around in the bathroom freaking everyone out telling them to subscribe follow your fucking instagram like what the fuck but like that level of confidence i don't think i've ever been confident enough to um write on a bathroom wall cared enough to write on a fucking bathroom wall go follow this page or like the energy that we had for it from day one is insane it's just so special and i feel like it really moved i don't know how you feel but like for me personally i feel like it really allowed me to like move with a sight of like the things that i would really want in mind for like one of the first times really in my life like i feel like as a kid you well i was lucky enough to get the whole like you can do anything you can do anything but it was obviously always with the kind of curb of like but you can't really yeah it's like

just it goes without saying do you know i mean it just goes without saying that there are certain limitations that are put on you for whatever reason like whatever that you can't do certain things and i feel like us really choosing making the active choice to like choose to do something for ourselves really selfishly and like really owning it yeah from the from the beginning weirdly from the beginning yeah weirdly from the beginning and feeling the faith and like the confidence in it i will always remember like and i always talk about like looking at you from across the table and thinking like do it do it is she in yeah i think she's in like let's do it like the same do you know what i mean and i feel like

it's just really sweet to then look back and think i i would love i would love love love to like sit down those girls and be like you're still doing it and it's actually that's the you actually wouldn't be able to fathom yeah you'll be doing a certain parts of how it's unfolded like that you'll be it's just really weird to now think of like oh i don't know it's weird to think where we are now this is why i love fate and things like that like i do feel like do you think it was fate um yeah i do what do you think has brought us to this point what do you think has brought us to the point of okay you wanted this cut to okay you've got it you know what i actually think is

probably the core thing is like um i don't know and it's not something that i feel like is comes that easily to me so i'm actually quite proud that we've done it and i was thinking about this last night of almost like um just having the trust in the decisions like the small decisions that you make of always looking being like i know that i made that in good faith and i made that like decision that was a good call i didn't do that out of pressure or anything like that i feel like throughout the time that we've been doing this there have been so many hurdles thrown and so many moments of doubt and so many like pressures to like and especially in the early days it's like you need to make money like you need to make money

you've got to pay rent all of this stuff and it's like explain yourself why do you have it why are you putting your time into a podcast that isn't making any money blah blah blah there have been so many things that have like potentially got in the way and it is so like beyond fulfilling to know that with each and every one of those hurdles i've chosen to like do the thing that i love i've really led and you have too with love and that is the only thing i think that has really or one one of the main factors that has got us here that we haven't been swayed by um the like societal pressures or what other people have been saying or anything it's like for each of those things that have shown up we've still chosen ourselves and this thing and that is insane to me wendy's small frosty is the ultimate

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ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com yeah i agree i just almost like it just makes me feel i couldn't agree more i think it just makes me feel so strange to like look back on those girls and think how easily this couldn't this could have just not happened for us and like i i also kind of think about like us being those girls back then and like almost like me listening to this podcast like not necessarily it's us making it but just almost hearing someone say these things and just kind of letting it wash over me as like oh it's not for me because like

there was just a huge part of my attitude i think that was because I think growing up as well and I just can't be bothered to get into like class and all that bullshit and stuff you can just imagine it goes without saying but I think growing up there was like as a child I definitely looking back now I can see that as much as I was really really like supported in a really real loving way which is really nice but i think as a as a child i wasn't necessarily given a direction in the sense of like articulate your dreams and we can identify a path to getting you there it was almost like this really isn't a space for dreams sort of thing it's like a space for like like oh yeah you're great and like oh you're gonna be amazing whatever blah blah blah but i think having the

awareness of like it's embarrassing to say what you want sometimes yeah and i think sometimes it can be so embarrassing to admit what you want that you actually can't even is that that him yeah he just said i didn't reply for like however long we've been talking two hours i'm just i think i'm gonna just fizzle that out oh god it's your mess to deal with oh god oh god um what was i saying sorry no he's ruining everything um yeah like it's so embarrassing i think to like want things for yourself that sometimes it can sink in so deep that you actually can't even um you don't even have the awareness for like what you want like you actually won't even let yourself go there

yeah do you know what i mean it's almost like just stick to the reality stick to the mundane like lock yourself in just get on with it get on with life just doesn't seem like an option it's really not an option and there's a huge part of the reality of life that is and it's kind of what we're saying about children in the last episode of like a lot of the process in life of becoming an adult and like growing up is having your sense of like spirit and your sense of self and your sense of your dreams kicked out of you and i feel like as much as i was supported as a child naturally for lots of different reasons including like and i do feel like class is the main one because i can imagine another world where if i was in a different situation oh yeah it's a different story it

would have been a different story there would have been things that would have been identified in a path that had been laid out for me but hey anyway i just actually can't even be bothered because it's fine and i'm not the most hard done by child in the world so we can get over it but i definitely feel like us starting the podcast was one of the first times that i allowed myself kind of without knowing how or knowing what that was going to look like i identified a dream yeah and like set out a path and went and i feel like watching us now looking back watching us be able to do that it's just so special and i can feel a version of me hearing all of this stuff. And I never did the podcast. I never did this.

And I'm just like hearing these messages and I'm thinking, but that isn't for me because I have to wait to like be given it. And I know it's the nobody's coming Harry thing. But I think without growing up, learning the skill of like, oh, when you see something that you want or when you see something that you are going to do this is how you actualize it this is how we can work towards it sort of thing that was so not natural to like volunteer myself or like nominate myself to be up in these spaces ever really that i feel like the way that i learned to deal with it was like oh if you want something you have to wait around until someone else grants you permission to give it to you and that just doesn't happen nobody's coming harry which is a quote from from the void somewhere famously yeah from our void and more importantly yeah from harry potter where harry's convinced that his dad's coming to save

him and he's watching with hermione and she's like harry babe nobody's coming like your dad's dead nobody's coming nobody's coming harry and he realizes that it wasn't his dad and it wasn't somebody else it was him that came to save him he brought his little patronus out and nobody was coming harry he just had to save himself and i do feel like just this podcast for me is the biggest example i've got i think of putting that into practice and being like we didn't wait for permission we just did it and it was so embarrassing and we were so flawed in so many ways and like we're still trying and like fucking up but i'm so proud of us and i'm happy for all of us to be here together i'm very grateful yeah i feel like one of the main tricks of life or of this society is that everyone that i know kind of feels like it's too late for them like they just missed the boat that it's like oh i

would have done that five years ago even two years even six months ago i would i could have done that but now it's too late for me and i think one of the biggest lessons that i've learned and i kind of see people learning throughout their life is that that is a trick. And actually, it's never too late. Like in a very real way, you can start anything at any point. Like you can see all those fucking videos of all like the stats of like this actor only went to their first audition at fucking 42. Like this person had never painted until they were 50 like it is insane the way that we're all taught that it was too late for us oh i couldn't

do that oh i would have done that in a different world but like i speak to people often and they say like oh i think in a different life i would have been an artist it's like what do you mean in a different life you would have been an artist you've only got alive now you're alive now and you don't you like you can literally go and buy some fucking watercolors and see if you like it like and the shocking thing is that it's not just like 60 year olds 70 year olds it's not people that are 95 on their deathbed it's people that are like i'm 23 it was too late for me well i remember thinking it was too late for us to do exactly which is my point though which is mental thinking about it i do think as well though like falling into all of these tricks and traps

and trick or treat that unlucky dip of life the way that life tells you to like not try and to just play it safe and just keep doing what you're doing don't make a scene and don't feel any form of confidence in yourself don't want more don't want bigger stay small whatever all of that bullshit yeah i think like don't be too hard on yourself for like really feeling that in a deep sense because it is really soul crushing and then i think the added pressure of like well why aren't i doing anything it's not too late i need to do something but i'm not doing anything maybe it isn't maybe i'm not good enough maybe it isn't meant for me blah blah blah i just almost think give yourself a minute to

acknowledge how hard it is to like try in this world this is why no one does it i mean like of course it's hard to like get through the fucking bullshit because you've been given an ideology that only a lucky lucky few people get to have fun in this life and like most people have to work and do shit they don't want just to survive or worse like that is what we all believe like society wouldn't function unless that was very very hardwired like why would we all agree to live in a society where there are billionaires whilst most people can't afford um food and like heating and like very basic things safety food and like housing people can't afford the all like there's crazy shit going on in the world no one would agree to this society like it has to be so hardwired for us all to like yeah agree to do it um so yeah no there's no fucking like shame in like there's no jesus like we all but it's the reminder of like i think your life is worth it

to like go through like the embarrassing stuff as well it's like it's funny like thinking back on like us stealing toilet roll from the ivy and like writing on the toilet so you need like follow higher priestess or whatever our pseudonym yeah if anyone confused it's like that is so i mean those were fun times but like it was also mortifying it was it's hugely challenging it's so so tough but it's also so funny and i think the challenges aren't just pure shit they're also like i don't know i just want everyone to feel like we believe in them and we're like really rooting for them definitely in whatever way that is it might be in a really traditional sense or like it might be like okay you're trying something for the first time and it's going to be embarrassing and you're not

you're probably not going to be that good at it and we'll be behind you every step of the way you know that old thing that like people say this i've heard people say it's almost like um i don't know people that have like made it in the world like fucking ceo fucking people i feel like they say this often that you don't need to know the whole journey you just need to know like the next step like the next thing that you can do and i think that actually is truer than i have ever thought really i think that's completely like at that point i thought the next step was writing it on the toilet wall like that was what i thought okay that will be a good idea like i wasn't thinking and then we'll do podness why do i keep calling it fucking podness podtober then we'll do this

then we'll do that we'll get signed by management and then we can make videos i was thinking that's right on the fucking toilet wall like yeah that is how low we were no i agree with you yeah at that point it's day to day i really i completely actually couldn't agree more with you because i think as well it kind of goes back to what i was saying about like in my head before we started this i thought the next step was right at the end of the journey wait around and to be chosen by somebody wait around and be given permission like i literally thought fucking um who would be somebody i don't know i don't know just like anyone like i almost like i was literally waiting around for literally daniel radcliffe to come along and be like hey kid oh i'm waiting nobody's coming right here

chat to me i would love to talk to you i love him so much but he was he's not as sad as it is he's not coming to like pick me up no me from obscurity and drop me off like in a successful life it's just not happening this 2000 and fly us away but i think sometimes like oh i think looking back i definitely was misreading i was just waiting around for something that wasn't gonna come yeah and i think i completely agree with you that like focus on a really small next step like i think the next step is like and do it commit it like this is what i mean by like making the decision constantly like i'm in i'm is like and do it commit it like this is what i mean by like making the decision constantly like i'm in i'm actually shocked how many times i've actually had to make

that decision of the thing that i want to do like following my heart rather than like what necessarily makes sense or what the world is telling me to do like the next step very often is just like the commitment to the thing and just be like right okay i'm choosing to do that thing again but then i think once you've committed or for me i i think once i made that commitment nothing was going to stop me ever yeah like you still come to it every day choosing to do it and fucking relishing it and living it up loving it but like i've literally my mind hasn't changed from the moment we sat down on that table in Whippingham Road and I looked over at you in the moonlight and I thought, if she's in this, I'm in this. Let's do it.

Let's just keep doing it. I haven't changed my mind since that day ever for even a split second. Because it's the most hilarious, fun, stupid thing on the planet. And we should be so lucky. Yeah, it's the best thing in the world. So thank you so much for coming on the journey. Thank you so much. It's insane.

We're really, really rooting for you. There's no reason why sephie and wing are occupying this little space here and you can't have whatever you want in this life like in quite a real way there is no reason like in like the most real fucking way you can actually do it guys say i say this all the time and it's like not necessarily even something that i think i deliver in a beautiful way. So I want to keep reiterating it. But more so just because it gets the point across. It gets the job done. And I say it all the time. But it's just like of all the things that are against you in this life.

Truly. So many things stacked against us. So many odds here in this world. And there really are. Odds. Every time I look. Odds, odds, odds. Can't move for odds.

Not in your favour. Don't add yourself to the list of things that get in your way. Every time I look, odds, odds, odds. Can't move for odds, not in your favour. Don't add yourself to the list of things that get in your way and hold you back. Because there are so many things in this life that are out to get you,

but the final boss is probably, if you're anything like me and us, is probably yourself. You're the biggest thing holding yourself back. So that's step one.

Love you so much and that was really nice thanks for that actually yeah that was nice what even was that like what was the thing have you stopped this no are you still going let's just go okay i was gonna say am i speaking to the void all right bye thanks guys