Goes Without Saying - Feeling Behind Too Late The Summer I Turned Expired

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on running out of time, expectations and high standards, graduation anxiety, and comparison. ✷ see more ✷ youtube @sephyandwing ✷ instagram @sephyandwing ✷ tiktok @sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk

But that is not hyperbole. That is like literally how society makes you feel. That when you go over a certain threshold, you pass into this kind of mother maiden crone. Like you are just like passing through these stages and that stage of where you are like desirable is over. And so much of when we say negative things about ourselves, I'm performing what I think someone wants me to say. I don't actually feel like that. It's just performing. Are you team Connie or Jeremiah?

Goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying. saying with Seffy and Wing. I'm Seffy. And I'm Wing. And this episode is for you if you feel like it's too late for you. Like you cannot, you don't have any options. You're an old washed up hag and you've just got to resign to your life. We're telling you now that you do have time. That it's all good. That is propaganda targeted at you. You've been consuming it your whole life without even knowing. This is quite like a comforting episode, which we're like enjoying your life and not getting bogged down by all that shit. So, Enjoy.

Right. Okay, so the technical difficulties have been going insane with this one. Bloody how blistering winds and scorching deserts we've climbed to get to this episode. Do not take this episode for granted. The state of it now, it's like, we're actually, it's like I'm turning up end of the race. Like my knees are in bits. Like there's fucking blisters all over my heels. Literally.

I can't imagine this going to be particularly... Good for me personally, but okay. Let's just go with it. I think those are some of the worst technical difficulties we've ever had. Just absolutely unbearable. This is sixth, sixth or seventh go, maybe. Yeah. Also, you're sort of catching me.

My housemate sort of a few minutes ago just came in and left. Said goodbye. Said goodbye. Like, it's the end of my masters now and people are leaving. And like, so that was just kind of another thing happening amongst that. Yeah. my housemate leaving, which is so sad. Really sad.

That's also happening. So definitely catching in a weird spot. And dare I say it, but should we do the Stephen Bartlett thing again? Let's fucking go. Honestly, Stephen Bartlett, poor guy, he's been catching strays. He's been roasted seven times round now. For the past half an hour, we've been trying to have this very brief, meaningless conversation about Stephen Bartlett and one of the new episodes.

Do you want to just go? But genuinely, talk about evil eye. like the amount of like hatred we've just been putting out because considering i actually don't i don't mind the guy right but he did let himself down go on there and he does regularly sometimes i listen to his episodes all the time and i just think sometimes he's not equipped for the conversation he's trying to have we've all been there yeah been there so many times but sometimes it's quite frustrating but this one was i was listening to it this morning so it's do you recall a few episodes back Dr. Tara Swart

Does that name ring any bells for you? She also did an episode with him that was, I believe, incredibly popular called, I don't know what it's called, but she's like a neuroscientist and she has a book called The Source, which I am currently like working my way through doing the exercises in. Do you remember a conversation we had a few episodes ago

about drawing a tree and writing names at the end of it and like the traits everyone has or the traits that you have are the five closest people, blah, blah, blah. This is Dr. Tara Swart. She recently did an episode with him it's his latest episode it appears she's suffering the same fate as the other cast and crew of the sephe and win curse potentially i've just whenever we've been here someone does the name what is her name what's the girl that gave us the dressing gowns called matilda jeff does the name matilda jirph ring

any bells to anyone what were the ones before that i mean some of them are quite dark and we've closed down quite a few management companies just but as soon as a company signs us they fold within six weeks six months i mean we've definitely the curse has been active right we also did a photo shoot the other day um and and the there was an issue with the camera the camera immediately broke as soon as that lens went right over us that it just is like no just yeah no yeah and you have seven days the guy taking the photos who's my friend tommy which is very nice of him to take the photos. So nice of him. He was like, this has never happened before. This camera that she had it for years. It's never broken. It's like, this is because you're taking

photos of us. It will break now. I'm really sorry. But Dr. Tara, as soon as we mentioned someone's name, they immediately do something weird. Something bad happens. Yeah. Yeah, they either publicly humiliate themselves in a grave way or they suffer a fate. And I don't know if she suffered a fate because I was looking through the comments and all the comments are in support of her. And I, to be honest, right, I haven't. finish the episode yet. So she's a neuroscientist. She talks a lot about like manifesting and things like that.

That's what I've been in on her with. That kind of like enhancing your brain, blah, blah, blah. We're trying to not self-sabotage, if you remember. We've been on the anti-sabotaging high at the moment. Yeah, we have. If you recall a few episodes back, we have been making some changes. And this stuff has all been going on behind the scenes for us. Yeah.

In a big way. In a big way, actually. And I feel like we are really like in an active stage of like, learning and like building at the moment. Dr. Tara has been a part of that for me at least. Just like kind of going through that book and stuff. I thought she did a new episode with Stephen. I thought, oh my goodness, here we fucking go.

Turns out it's slightly to the left of what she usually speaks about. She's talking about communicating with the dead. I saw that and thought, okay. Might be a step too far. Might be a step too far. But all the comments again have been like, and a lot of what she's talking about, I do believe in terms of like, sure. She's saying things like about coincidence and her new book is called the signs and it's all about

like seeing signs from the universe blah blah blah and a lot of that I do love but I do think it's pretty brave of her to like go on the record talking about it because it is and she's talking about how grief is pretty close to psychosis and all of this stuff and it's really interesting but at the same time she is talking about like hearing voices in her head and things like that and right seeing an elastic band on the floor in the shape of the infinity sign and it meaning something to her which I'm sort of a kick up when you've been taking information from somebody looking to them for guidance and then all of a sudden there are a few alarms start ringing and it's the Saffian Wing experience we were saying of like you listen to this podcast you love Saffian Wing you really get into it oh my God tell your friends have you heard Saffian Wing

and then it's like dropping things in episodes that make you think do I trust these people maybe I misspoke maybe I miss on this good and these people insane and that would be fair and valid Totally. Encouraged. Encouraged, in fact, do not look up to these people. No. And yeah, I think I'm just having the thing of I need to finish the episode and really hear what her point was. But anyway, Stephen did a fucking, honestly, he does this sometimes. He does one really badly in the Esther Perel episode where he starts talking about how his girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with him, but it must be her fault.

Yes. Which is a kind of a... Absolutely hilarious little moment. It's not a great moment from Stephen, I would say. And Esther handles it, God, with such grace as she would. But this one, he says, so Dr. Tara's like, believing in something is, like, proven to be a good thing for humanity. Like, if you have a belief and faith in, you know, like, in life or whatever, that's a good thing. And Stephen, like, he literally, he knows he says it.

He knows he's fucked up as soon as he says it. He goes, oh, well, what about people that crash planes into towers because of what they believe? And it's just so left field. it's so left field for the conversation because the conversation is about like neuroscience and like believe it. It's so crazy and even as he says it he then looks off to the side

and he goes, I can't remember the name but he's like Harry told me to watch this documentary the other day about Bin Laden, which Wing has also watched. It's a good documentary. And I would watch the documentary. I wouldn't call it good but I would call it engrossing. I definitely became obsessed with Bin Laden

for a little bit after watching that. And clearly so has Stephen. In a, you know, Bin Laden what a guy, bracket's derogatory i'm not saying like i mean you know i think that literally goes without saying god that would be a crazy turn of events but he but he's like stephen um harry told me to watch this video about ben lardin and that's why it's on my mind i know that's not really relevant but and she's like yeah it's not not really relevant and they continue the conversation just cut it out stephen get the editing team to just chop that up i like that he does leave bits like that in because it's just

like what was that well to me it almost like i haven't seen it but does he kind of think that's not that bad i don't know i don't think it's a bad thought to have it's just kind of not a smart execution yeah yeah it's just almost like what were you watching last night in the interview that's so seffathing it's so that's why we're not interviewing neuroscientists absolutely not but anyway it was just i'm not sure what i think about the interview but the comments have all been like also her evidence is very anecdotal which I think with this stuff it has to be which is really like interesting and we've all been in those conversations before where it's like this weird fucking thing happened after someone died and this can't explain it and I love that

shit but the same time it just kind of made me trust her a bit less which is really a shame it's dark times out here guys we're looking for a leader and yet nobody can step up to the play they're dropping like flies I think we've got to lead ourselves right right truly line somebody say okay and now the episode and now the next problem the next issue at hand the actual episode yeah we did have something so nice planned it's gonna you know we'll do it no no I'm this is all working now so go on I know it's just like just kind of bum me I just hate like I've clicked like a thousand times in the past five seconds like yeah it's too much clicking and now we're kind of like two hours behind schedule of our lives but that's fine send a link here click a thing

here put up and like and then this really can i right can i just actually say the one thing that did actually really annoy me yeah was i was trying to close the tab i was trying to close the app but it kept having a pop up being like check your internet connection so i would press okay yeah and it would pop up immediately check your internet connection so i'll be like for fuck sake so it wouldn't let me click the x because it was giving me the pop up if that makes it was giving me the pop up if that makes sense but it wouldn't let me click off of the pop up because every time I clicked off of the pop up a new one would pop up and I couldn't force quit or anything like it just wasn't going that was so I've actually you're in a bit of a state right now I'm so sorry but I was bringing that

to that whole conversation and I needed to get that off my chest and now I can move on okay okay that's where I was I'm sorry yeah let's shake it off and that was for that get rid undeniably was incredibly frustrating it's not the biggest problem in the world but like it did knock me I'm not gonna love That's so fine. It has set me back. I've been definitely knocked by smaller things than that. Boy, have I.

Okay, let's take it away, something nice. Well, this episode is, God, okay, so what is it again? Fine. Okay, so we were briefly talking about the kind of nobody's coming, Harry, sort of, the vibes of it all. Yeah. And someone did actually send a message about, like, feeling like you're too late to do something when everyone else is already doing it or feeling like it's too late to try. I feel like that's been a theme of definitely my life.

life and conversations we've had for a long time. Yeah. And I remember saying like when we were like 23 or whatever at uni, I was like, I'm too old to start something now. 23. That's insane. Did you actually feel like that? Yes.

I don't remember feeling like that ever. Yes. Yes. This is why I always say you have like a, you have a genesis choir about you that makes you want to. But like it's something about, yeah, like you feel, you come with a confidence or a sense of like, I'm entitled to do something. I'm entitled to speak.

and heed my words sort of thing. Heed them. Heed them, Stephen. Absolutely. I definitely didn't feel that at 23. Like, no. I think as well, maybe it's a class thing, which is a bit of a bummer. But I think there's a huge element of like, as a working class child, your options are like non-existent. Like they are extremely limited. And there are obviously like levels to that.

But I definitely felt like opportunities were something that were given to you. Yeah. And it had not happened for me. And so I'm 23 now. like it's probably not ever going to happen for me I also am someone who has like devastatingly high expectations to the point where I're like yeah self-sabotage as we've been famously yeah so I kind of just felt like well if it hasn't happened now and I'm 23 then it's never going to happen yeah which is sad yeah and then I think so coming to uni and I think as well

like the uni sort of landscape of like being around people who were more um like everyone's kind of doing something everyone's sort of up to no good in their own mischievous little way doing and there was no like pressure this wasn't like like their shot in any way. No, no. And I think in a way, yeah, it was kind of, I think I was barmed slightly by being around people who hadn't been so, who had different class experiences meant that they were more open.

Like they saw like, I don't know, like they saw being a writer as a real job. Yeah. As like a job that you could actually have or like being an artist as a real job that you could actually have. Totally. For the majority of people in the country, love that's just not a real job that you can have. It's just not like an option. So I think being around that sort of made me feel like, okay, like there are, you know, maybe the world is more open than I have been led to believe. And there are obviously like obstacles in your way.

But I definitely like sort of jumped on the back of like feeling like, okay, I've got some youth and I'm a student and I can kind of play under that term. Do I mean? Like there's room to sort of do something here. It's an opportunity for sure. Yeah. You know? And it is the most balming time of like ever to be a student. like it is.

It's definitely something that like I'm talking about a lot at the moment like basically that experience that we had at the end of the undergrad was like quite an extreme experience of just like life going off in different directions for people. Yeah. A lot of people so a lot of my friends here have gone straight through education essentially that they have like done their undergrad and now they've done a master's like they've been in school that didn't do like any kind of gap like they've just gone straight through education so they're like facing it now that sort of like entry into the world and being like okay where is

my place because yeah your place is kind of equalized at uni like your kind of um it was way more feels a lot more equalized and then you get hit with the reality of like okay so some people go off and do this and some people go off and do something else you know yeah um which can be super confronting like that so confronting that like entry into the into the world my lord oh my lord and like comparison and all of that stuff like we it all comes in i mean we speak about this like a fair bit maybe but maybe i think we think we speak about it more than the listener hears about it if that makes sense i know that we spoke about it we spoke about it a few times in episodes here and there and we spoke about it a little bit at oxford in person yeah which there should be by the time you're listening to this there was right guys

speaking of technical difficulties bloody hell is much is it's it's it's ended now but it's ended now Mercury retrograde. I know. Let's fucking go on this. So there's a, there's a, there's a vlog, it's out, you can watch it. And if, and if you go to our YouTube and it's not there, then just fucking roll your eyes and just move on with your life. And I'm so sorry about that, because what the hell. And in that vlog we show Oxford, but like, what happened was copyright fucking claims.

My fault. My fault. It's not your fault. It's just like. My fucking fault. I'm so sorry. But like the video was up. It got taken down because of me.

stupid, stupid, copyright issue. But we're fixing it. It's solved and it will be back up. Yeah. And in there we, you know, you can see a little bit of Oxford. When we were at Oxford, I think somebody asked, I don't know if it was a part of the, or maybe it was just a part of the talk,

like one of the official questions. Not the Q&A. Or was it like a, yeah, I can't remember. But we were speaking a little bit about like how it feels to kind of be at that point where you're kind of thrust into life. And you've lost that, the neatness of being called a student and almost student is just such a word it's like there's so much armour in that word it really just gets people off your back because what are you doing I'm a student

I'm doing something and it also means that you're in that like pre you're essentially in like a weird like prelude to your life and it sort of means that like you are allowed to be messy and like sloppy and you're supposed to be having fun in that time it's almost a bit like don't work too hard in that time go like make friends and like explore like this is your free time. Delightful. Before. And I'm telling you it will crack down quick

before you like are entering into the world as like a worker as like a member of society. But like student definitely has like a the conversation around it is like people will ask you about your studies blah blah blah blah but like external people will mostly be like reminiscing

about like this is what you should do best days of your life whatever all of that stuff. You've got like a it's you're accounted for you're in a and they can understand you and you're put in that label sure like whatever you're in your box and it's done like I'm not curious about you I don't need to unsolve you I don't need to figure you out I'm not angry at you I'm not angry maybe I am but like in a different way not me specifically I just think like I think students take a lot of heat but I definitely think there's also like a sense of like okay I don't need to press you too much because you're already you've given me an answer and that will suffice

you're a student for now you have three years for now Yeah. But so yeah, you never felt like I'm too old. I never felt like I'm too old. Or like it's just not happened. So it's probably not going to happen. No. Good for you.

No. I haven't felt like that. I definitely think that like it's a thing that's creeping up now. Right. Especially as like 30 doesn't feel like so far away now. I'm 28. 30 doesn't feel miles in the fucking future. Yeah.

It feels like something that I'm like preparing for. Or like getting my head. around like that number um because i really really want to like embrace it and not be scared of my age but like recently i have been scared of my age and just being like oh my god like we i feel old when i need to remember that is like propaganda essentially but it's just really yeah and also subject to being around a lot of younger people exactly like this is also the thing that it's come up loads more this year because my course is really varied in age for sure like there are people of so many different ages. But like I have been around a lot of younger people. I've been

around a lot of older people, but I've been around a lot of younger people this year as well. And it is quite intriguing people being like, a lot of people have been like to me, oh, you don't look 28. You look 23. Like even last night, you look 21. You look 21. It's like it doesn't mean anything coming from a 22 year old, someone saying that I look young because it's kind of what we were been there, done that. Yeah. I've said it many years. I don't have the concept of if you live as a, at 19 years old, I had no concept of what 28 looked like. I thought it looked like a high good old lady with a walking stick. I thought they had two kids on each hip, you know?

And maybe you do, but. Maybe you do, but that's not what in this, that is not what a 28 year old looks like really currently. Women are having kids later, all of the stuff. Women are doing like fun things later because they have more options now. Thank fuck. Thank you for that. Is it also as well, sorry, just going into your masters,

almost there are people of a lot of different ages so like they're older people like a lot older people in their 40s 50s 60s 70s whatever people are a lot older but in terms of like our peers people in their 20s as 28 you're on the edge of we're at the higher bracket of the 20s there are a lot of like 30 year olds as well but like I think it's sort of I still put myself in the bracket of that 20s but yeah and yes it's it's elder for sure it's the latest one of the latest you can go. as late as you can get, yeah. About as late. If anyone seen materialists, yeah. There's a really great bit. We were just discussing it earlier. Where it's like a man who's like, I don't know, I think he's like 40, is in his 40s, like 48 or something. He seems, he's of age for sure.

It's just a small bit and it's not really a spoiler. I actually feel like this could be in one of the trailers. Where he's like, I want a girl, the girls have been dating just aren't very mature. Like, I just, they don't really understand the music and the references that I like. And then she's like, how old have your last girlfriend's been? He's like, oh, like, 22, 23. And she's like, okay, so there's a really great girl that you could date. She's, like, 32.

Still, over a decade younger than him. And he's, like, wasn't really thinking 30s. Like, 27, 28, 29's pushing it, though. Yeah. He's like, 26 would be perfect. Yeah, perfect. Crazy. It's really quite, like, on the fucking nose.

Well, it is on the nose then when you look, Chris Evans, congratulations, newlywed, married to a 25, 26-year-old. on the fucking nose that's actually outrageous in that casting then it's not not acknowledging it he's not playing character that saying that no he's playing the good guy fleek any who yeah i think there's just something about just the energy of like it is never oh look that's so redundant no but no no let's say it let's say that it's never too late it's never too late for you maybe it isn't no i actually know that it's not. I actually know that it's not. Like it can I say something? Yeah. I said I I actually think this might be one of my most longstanding quips on this podcast. One of my most longstanding things that I actually

come back to in in a lot of episodes. Like I've said it many a time and you're not going to be impressed when I say it's not anything. It's nothing groundbreaking or shifting. I'm intrigued. I just feel like it covers a nice base and it's relevant to a lot of different topics and it's kind of exactly how I feel. might be my cracks here we go I wonder if you're thinking what could it be what could it be any like long-term listeners maybe

I wonder if you think hmm could it be diddada you've definitely not got it because there's nothing that would even stick in your mind because it's just so whatever nothing but

I haven't even got it so many things in life hold us back in our life so many things so many of them are extremely real and socially

devastating like for example class or race or gender all of these things are working against you socially in so many different ways in so many different ways the world is putting you into a certain box that is true and I will never undermine that however at the very end of that when you push past like whatever gender you push past right what I mean push past like class and all these are social issues yeah push past them all at the end you you hate yourself too you don't want yourself to get what you want to you are at the

scene of the crime too. Self-sabot. Caught red-handed. I see you. Like, yes, there are so many things in our way. And I think it's extremely important to like validate all of the way that we have internalised the messaging. It's like, I will not be annoyed at a young woman who thinks she's too old to start

something at 23 because it is not of her own fault to internalize the messaging that has been fed to her since the very day she was born. There's a reason why. There's a reason why she feels that way. It's not necessarily her, that's not her agenda. That's something she's internalized. However, I now see her at the scene of the crime making active choices to not try and push a little bit. Or letting herself lean into the ways that she already feels like it's too late and already feels like she isn't good enough.

Yes, there are so many things getting in your way and holding you back. But also, you are making active choices in some way to hold yourself back. can we stop that bit because that bit we have some control over and that's the bit that i think is empowering definitely if you look at the like subconscious ways that you speak about yourself like for example this is kind of what i was on about with like turning 30 like in a few years i want to there are so much messaging that you get like for example that materialist one is just like one example of it 31 bit too old you know 20 29 is pushing it all of that stuff like that is not hyperbole that is literally how society makes you feel that when you go over a certain threshold you pass into

it's kind of mother maiden crone like you are just like passing through these stages and that stage of where you are like desirable is over that is not an exaggeration of how the messaging is like thrown at you and you've only got a look literally for like 30 seconds on like the internet to find that confirmed like 10 times fucking over there are kids what like around you in the world there are kids putting fucking retinol on it's fucking bleak out there So I think that's one of the things that I've been trying to catch, like my language that I'm using around. That's just like a small one.

Age is probably the first time I've like really felt like a shift in my thinking about myself, really in like a... What do you mean? I think that's something that like I didn't used to think like that. I did not used to feel that. And as I've got older, I'm starting to feel this like too late thing that we're talking about. And I'm not feeling it in a big way yet at all because I'm still 28.

but I think I'm starting to feel like the beginnings of that creeping up of like I yeah my age being something that I think about and like it being a thing that like doesn't make me feel necessarily great like it's not something that's like oh I'm 23 yeah woohoo it feels like I'm 28 and that kind of brings something to my soul like that brings like oh god okay I'm 28 what the fuck and that's scary to me because that is young and that is social messaging. That is nothing. My body has not really aged since being 23. There are literally not really any physical differences.

The only difference is how I feel about it because of literally how society has made me feel about it. Yeah. And I think the way that I speak about myself is one of the ways that I'm trying to like catch that and be like, okay, so I'm being like, oh, it's my 29th birthday in like in December. Oh my God. Blah, blah, blah. It's like, I don't actually feel that. I need to stop. I really, really, really need to stop talking to myself like I am, yeah, walking around with

a fucking walking stick and two kids around my fucking hips. Like, that is not my reality. So I need to stop actually acting like that. Yeah, definitely. Like, it's not how I feel. No, and also, God, good luck to the person walking around with a walking stick and two kids on their hips. Bloods.

At the same time. That's a terrible day. That's not looking good for you. You need a helping hand. They're in different stages. They've had two kids. And they've got walking sticks. Honestly, queen.

There's, I think, a huge part of it that is, you know, like, when you insult yourself before somebody else can, I think so much of the internalised, or just so much, so much of that language of like, oh, God, I'm going to be 30 or whatever, do, do not, da, da, da, comes from, I feel like there's just an instinct there to, like, push back against the social messaging, so it can't be used against you first. Like, you know, and it's just like, oh, I know I look really ugly today. It's so you can't, so I've taken the power out of it. Yeah, exactly.

It's pitch perfect. me. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll say it so you don't have to. I'll say it first. Even if I don't believe it. Yeah.

But that's it. I think it's, I noticed when I would say things and so much of when we say negative things about ourselves, I'm performing what I think someone wants me to say. I don't actually feel like that. I don't feel old in any way. I don't, from what I'm hearing,

look old or blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just performing when someone talks about, how women talk about their birthdays and talk about their age is with sadness and fear. So I'm just like, that to like feel more like a woman i guess i'm being like interesting like almost um i'm trying to be like just following the path that was laid out for me oh god got a like uh so 30s coming up so i don't feel like that no to literally good about it if i strip it all back morning person yeah don't like catch up sort of like narratives that you just internalize and then just don't question them ever again

until someone like feeds you a bit of ketchup and you go oh hang on a minute was i fed a lie yeah like you turn 33 and you're like, hang on a minute. Yeah. Maybe I'm okay. Literally. Which I think is the point. And also so much of this like too late discourse comes from capitalism of like basically the idea of like you maybe are a student, whatever and you want to put them in a box.

Like we've just spoken about or like I don't know, all the boxes we put people in, mother, teacher, doctor, whatever the fuck. Marketing, you know, whatever the hell box you want to get put in. And it has this idea that you can't change. that throughout your life because that obviously is what benefits capitalism the most if you stick to one path and you just go through it and die that is like the thing that like that keeps that system alive whereas I think how most people truly in their soul want to live is by like following their like whims and I don't know what I'm going to be interested in when I'm 50 I'm highly fucking doubt

it's going to be the thing that I'm interested in at 28 like I think it's going to move and change and all of the staff. How you wanted to spend your time when you were 21? What are the chances really? When you really, really think about it, you want to do the exact same thing at 31, 41. It would be insane. 51.

That's actually a bad sign for you. I'm sorry, that's not looking good for your growth. And I don't mean that like committing yourself to one thing and like going for it is a bad thing. But I hope to fucking God that we don't all just stay the same and stay the same level of satisfaction for the thing that we were doing when we were 18. let alone let and they're not factoring the fact our brains will have grown so much in that time i hope we're not wanting to the same thing i think this is a really pointless little disclaimer i guess but like you could

be a person who decided to do something at 18 and kept doing it until your dying day loved every second and your life and your life around you sort of changed and that was a part of your life and every you know you were growing and learning in other sort of realms but i think it's also about like kind of with the thing of talking about oh i'm gonna be 30 or whatever thinking about like where have your thoughts actually come from like where is this pressure coming from because sometimes like for example feeling oh my god it's too late it's like whose voice is telling me that who is that hang on a minute don't go anywhere like what who who are you because i can hear you do i actually feel like that let me actually just tune into whatever this sort of insecurity is and think about who's who was telling me that is that my

dad is that my friends is that me is that something i saw on a tv show once like where is this thought coming from because i don't think that's what i truly believe and so much of our insecurities and our like um self-sabotaging thoughts are not our own i would honestly say like pretty much all of them like they are all anxieties and like sort of negative thoughts that have been given to you from certain things they will be coming from somewhere and i know where they're coming from there's a reason why they like go to specific like groups of people have the same thing like yeah for example sticking on age as the subject women are scared of turning 30 men are not scared of turning 30 they are different fucking realms yeah of like pressure put on put on that number

or put on all the numbers to come to be honest but i think that feeling of like um feeling too late is something we will like always always always be fighting against because it's not going to go from society that pressure is not going to go but in the sense that we want to or i personally want to be growing and like trying new things at all points of my life i need to make peace with that feeling because i know that i want to live the kind of life that if i am 50 and suddenly decide that i want to learn piano i will feel too late because that is seen as too late you're better you're you're better at learning an instrument younger, what is the point, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're not going to make it a career, which is what that fear really comes from.

Totally. That is a feeling that, like, peace has to be made with that feeling of, like, oh, God, it's too late for me. And I need to be fighting against that because I want to live a life where I can be trying new things and be bad at them at, like, all stages of my life. I also think there's so much in that, like, I think it's maybe quite nice that, like, as we move forward, as, you know, the years past, we get to see. many more like for example like you said like women doing other things because they haven't been

made for like they have to just like have two kids on their hip by 25 or whatever that like you know you can go on TikTok and see like a 50 year old ballerina or whatever yeah and it's very slowly but shifting something I think in our minds about being able to follow blueprints and that's why I think it is so important to like there's so much sort of camaraderie in it of like it's important to not only for yourself but also for the impact of others that we get to see each other trying things but it's so rewarding it's so like your brain is always able to learn yes like when you're a kid and you're young you're a sponge and you can pick up a language in two weeks no big deal but your brain can always learn the idea that like you're too old to learn something new is like

completely unfounded like that's not scientific and it's not real yeah your brain can your brain is always learning. Dr. Tara was actually talking about this. Yeah. Maybe not in the episode that I was listening to, but in something else. Neuro plasticity, she loves. Yes. And like how the language, there are two different parts, right?

So there are two different parts of the brain that language is stored in. And that when you're a child, they are stored in like, so if a child learns two languages, they're stored differently than if you're an adult learning a new one, that's a different part of the brain. that you're actually activating. So it's like it's actually just not comparable to be like, oh, it's easier to learn language as a kid because it's like they're not necessarily learning a language. Yeah.

They just naturally are picking up a language. Yes. Like my sister speaks three languages. Yeah. Because her mum's French, her dad's English and she lives in Portugal. That's not learning a language. No. That's just you live in a country and you're speaking that language.

Like if you were to learn Portuguese now, you would be a lot of your mind spent. turning Portuguese back into English to translate it to yourself so that you can understand it because English is how you view the world. You perceive the word. The way that you know the world is through that language. Whereas if you had grown up speaking Portuguese too, you don't have to turn Portuguese into English because you can also interpret the world around you. You can just flip between Portuguese. Yeah. Fascinating. Anyone learning a language? Anyone's dueling go popping off? I actually have a, I'm about to hit a year streak. Are you? What are you learning? Spanish. I'm not

very good. I am also doing maths on there. Oh my god. Well, that's terrifying. Steffi, it's so basic. I don't know if I like did a test and they were like, right, this is the level that you're at. I'm not joking. Every night, two times two, two times four. Shut up. Two times six. I'm not joking. That's kind of what I need. Yeah. But I don't know if that's because I maybe. Oh God, they've matched you to your level. It's like, right, this chunk is like four times tables. And honestly, like, I'm getting some wrong. it's not a perfect lesson oh god oh god yeah it's not good um oh well no that's amazing that you're doing it though like i kind of do need it it sort of is though like to sit there and do math in the evening

it's not where i'm at the moment for like 30 seconds though and i literally even that i'm like no it's just a bit of something i can't stand it neither but it i mean it's quite good doing easy stuff because it's like the ones that i'm good at this yeah yeah it all like almost the diagrams i'm like whoa I'm like in year three or something it would be like almost like a timeline and it would be like two four six eight 10 or whatever and then what is it going up and no it would be like what's what's what's three plus four so you'd have to go to seven but there isn't like so you'd have to go in between six and eight guy I know that much guys I like that is this is this the alarm bells that's making you think maybe I shouldn't listen to this podcast anymore oh god she doesn't know seven like crazy

it's just keeping me limber do you know what I mean because my maths got quite good like a few months ago I mean that's incredible well I think I'd fed into the narrative a little bit of like look I'm obviously not good at maths I'm not a math I'm not a math person I identified that much pretty early on yeah but I'm I'm not like you know if I'm with if I'm out and about it's not like I'm walking around with a big dunce thing on saying like she doesn't know math she doesn't know numbers I can keep up and I think there's maybe been some damage I've maybe done some damage. I wouldn't honestly be surprised. Just almost like, and it's kind of the high expectation things of like, okay, well, I want to be

getting like, you know, just because I want to be a genius for some reason. Yeah. Now I think that like being reasonable, reasonably decent at maths isn't good enough. It kind of is and just get over it. Yeah, literally. Who cares? Yeah. Not me. No, I definitely don't. You know maths is the reason that I've got contacts in. That was how I felt. I found out my eyesight. It's how I found out my eyesight was bad. Because in year three, I think, every math lesson, I would be like, Miss, I've got a headache.

Okay. I've told this before, I think, and she would like, you know, send me to the, whatever, to go and get like a wet paper towel and some fresh air. Yeah. And it happened quite a lot. I've got a headache. I don't know how they didn't identify that it was always conveniently during maths. It was never doing any other lesson.

Yeah. But then I ended up going to the opticians and they were like, yeah, you need glasses. I was like, whoa. manifest. Literally manifest. Made that happen. So, there you go. Yeah.

I don't get it though, because you were looking at the numbers and it was giving a headache. Oh no, I was just lying. To get out of the lesson. And then you... But then how did that give you... Because they were like,

why is she getting a headache? Like, maybe it's because she's looking at the board from far away. Maybe I'll take her to the opticians and then take her down to spec savers. Bloody hell. Just get the skulls some new lenses. Whoa.

Yeah. That's extremely fun. Just get this guy some frames. I was also just lying. to get glasses. Yeah. Obviously not well enough. Not well, no, no, I did get them.

I did get glasses. Oh, did you? And, well, because I fully lied. And then in my, I went recently to go get an eye test because I was like, I am, feel like I'm straining a little bit when I look. Yeah. And then the optician was like, when I look, when I just look, when I look, I'm straining. I'm looking.

I'm just looking and I'm straining. Yeah, yeah. And then the optician was like, you actually have perfect eyesight. It's a great thing to hear. But it was like, do you want them? Because I can give you like the lowest prescript. and I was like, yes, please. Oh, so you did get them?

Yeah, she said, I can give you, like, the lowest thing. She was like, for reading these, like, are the lowest prescription. They're so, like... That's nice. And I was like, please. Huh. And she did. Nice.

Yeah. I don't know if that's good or bad of her. I mean, it must be making them worse. Yeah, but you're not ever, you know what I'm wearing them. I haven't, I haven't even picked up the prescription. There you fucking go then. I literally just did that for, I just like, wanted this. Yeah. Yeah.

Fair enough. Yeah. I would love to know. Oh, no, go on. You give it. No. I shouldn't say so. Give them the eyes of this is a dud.

No, no, no, no. I actually think this has been good. Me too. Yeah. Considering the energy we came in with. Those pop-ups, they did get to me, guys. I'm sorry. Like, what do you want to say?

Just put it behind me. No. That was a tough experience. You know, I was just psyching myself up. That's all. It doesn't matter. Yeah. The girl from semi-temperity.

Belly. Belly. Her name's Lola Tong. Is that her real name? no idea i think it might be after like it's a bit lowly young it's so lowly young talking about catching strays i was talking about her in our vlog i loved that bit i was i text you actually saying i'm nodding along oh yeah you did when it was up for two seconds you can catch that now on our youtube now with no copyright claim it's actually can i just be clear it's

not even about her because i i didn't come across it didn't come across i really wanted to but you would think that because you know me whereas someone else might watch it and be like oh god she's got this whole problem with load of young and she's obsessed me with Lola tongue like what the who's next but I am obsessed with that girl from I'm sorry right two things at once I'm obsessed with the girl from the summer I turn pretty well she's so gorgeous the Lola Young thing it was more just

there was a conversation that I had seen people having about her on TikTok that was what pissed me off not Lola in herself you say all of that I know I just I didn't I don't feel like I said it enough so you did just really hit it home yeah okay um all right What did you want to say about Belly? Oh, I just wanted to say, like, I'm obsessed with looking at her. How old is she?

I don't know. Can I check? I feel a bit later. Are you team Connie or Jeremiah? She's 23, I think. She's 22. She's got a whole life ahead of her. I'm so happy to hear that.

It's a bit late for her. I'm team, so I've only watched one episode. Okay. I've watched the first season. Yeah, yeah. I've watched none of the rest, but I've watched season one. I don't want any spoilers, but I have seen a spoiler. Okay.

what have you seen actually sorry my first thought watching the episode was like they are dropping taylor swift music like they're actually burning through money it's like why you're doing that they must have to some the agreement that they must have is like really intriguing to me um because it's literally just the most random scene it's like got a taylor swift song and it's literally yeah like what for what reason like jesus rub it and listen guess a tenor like why you've burned through cash like that jeez honestly um my first thought is i prefer the moody one obviously yeah the grumpy one the other ones like they are children i feel like watching yeah i'm like okay i'm a little bit miss havisham watching this but it's fine but i just think the i think the main girl was so good

in it lola i can't really remember her too much but yes she's really showing everyone up her performance is really really good but i thought the other guy's performance the moody guy was is that conrad yeah quick spoiler i think he's the right choice okay it's he seems like the right choice she sees him for one second and lover is playing in the background it's like okay you've told me how it ends. Well, you have to wait and see. It must be. But I did gasp.

I've seen some things, you know. I'm not going to... I gasped aloud when she gets to the bonfire. This is episode one's season once. I don't feel like I'm spoiling anything necessarily too much. She gets to a bonfire and someone's kissing. Kissing someone. Yeah.

I gasped. Oh my God. Sorry. I know no one cares. I watched the whole first season in one day. It's like two years ago. Oh, so you did enjoy it. Well, I sat down.

I remember being like, oh, like, am I going to like this? But everyone's talking about it, blah, blah, blah. And I sat down and I literally was like, that was so fun. But you can't go back? No, because I might. I know. My housemates watching the third season now as it's coming out. But I'm not really necessarily that keen to watch it.

She can't get with Jeremiah. I can't tell you anything. She can't. That's a baby. I think she's also a baby. Oh shit! Okay, okay, okay. Does she get with the brother?

I'm not telling you anything. Steve. Is that his name? What, her own brother? Not her. I mean. does Jeremiah get with the brother? Because they both kind of share brothers.

No, you're reading it's so wrong. Fuck, all right. He might. I don't know what I'm dealing with him. Yeah. Well, I am team Conrad anyway. I think it's the right choice. Yeah, it seems like it.

Yeah. Look, see, I can stay young. I can fancy Conrad. Yeah. Is that the kids are doing? Fancy, Conrad, but I'm definitely on his team. I would say I fancy Conrad. Really?

I've seen him. I've seen him in season three. He's like a doctor now. Is he? Yeah? I've seen some things when I've just gone in to make a cup of tea. Well, I've seen some things as well. I've seen some...

I've seen some roasting of the show as well. Have you? Not necessarily of the show, but of... Of him? Oh, no, I literally cannot say. Oh, God, tell me. No, I can't tell you anything. You've seen roasting of the show?

No, no, not of the show. Of a thing that someone buys someone else in the show. A bracelet, a necklace. No. ring, I've seen it. Yeah, ring. Okay, yeah, I've seen it. Yeah.

Comrade doesn't buy that, does he? I'm not telling you anything. Oh, shit. Fuck. I love knowing something. I hate not knowing something. I can't, because I did see that, but that was, that was ages ago before I thought I was ever going to watch it. Yeah.

All right, I'm done. I'm sorry. Okay. Well, I think we're done. Yeah, yeah, it seems like it, doesn't it? Yeah. You know when it starts talking. about a ring that no one knows who were boyed for who. But they, I know you know.

I know. I know. I know. I think I do know. I did know at some point, but it's since left me, which is good because I don't want to be spoiled. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Okay, cool. Okay. Well, if you don't hear from us, assume the worst. And we really mean it this time.