Goes Without Saying - friendship rivalry, secrets, & lore: podmas #10

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. What's behind the door? Tell me, tell me, tell me. I think we're talking about Sethian wing lore today. To us, as usual. You know this is like my go-to thing when people say when it eventually comes out gets dragged out of me oh

i've got a podcast yeah blush honestly dragged out cover my face i'm shy i've got a podcast they say what's it about i say it's just about us that's really nice because i have and they love it they eat it up every freaking time i'm like so it kind of started back university so they don't ask any more questions i try and make them laugh yeah that's a good one so they love me i'm like so basically it's about feminism oh no i wouldn't i would never say that i'm like okay they don't care anymore they're like feminism boring they hate women and they don't give a shit they hate me too yeah and perfect and i'd leave me alone yeah as usual we're talking about ourselves today yeah kind of hopefully it'll give some sort of sentiment of like um not to be up our

own arses but i think we've got something pretty good here don't know about you and i think it would be nice to talk about ourselves through the kind of lens of um this is what i would do this is the approach i would have and it kind of is the approach i would have for all my relationships and like future relationships and stuff how to just you know cultivate healthy relationships in your life seek out like-minded individuals etc also i don't really know what's going on here as usual because neither too much because the breadth of questions is wild like there are so many good questions wing has said for me i had a little peek at the questions but wing said don't i want to surprise you so yeah not that there's anything like it's like will you marry me oh perfect i

want to surprise you okay so this was the first one that i was like that is a fucking good question and i recognize this username actually so hey if you could invent an item that the other person would love what would it be this is fucking good question oh my god okay but i want to get a bit willy wonka isn't it so do i but it's a bit willy wonka yeah right go on read me again a word for word if you could invent an item that the other person would love what would it be always double read the question guys exam tactics so true and plan your answers first don't do what we're double read the question guys exam tactics so true always and plan your answers first don't do what we're doing read the whole paper before you start answering them really

that's what someone said to me because they're once they went to the exam and they got to the end it said don't answer any of these questions but now i'm older i think no that didn't happen that's a load of bullshit teacher that's a load of bollocks god don't answer any of these questions there was like if you've answered any of the papers on this any of the questions this paper you've failed so what is this fucking hunger games like why i just sit here patiently um yeah what are you inventing for me okay well i'm inventing for you i'm it's a bit hard because i don't i don't want you to be disappointed no i that's what i'm worried about because it was the same things i'd invent for you really well i'm i'm thinking of one invention that kind of

does them all go on you give me mine first then okay so i was almost thinking of okay this is quite funny so actually this is new this is unformulated idea this is totally fresh just right off the top of my head guys um please don't judge me i'm not i'm no inventor yeah i'm no willie wonka no willie i'm no wills i inspired by something you do when you can't sleep which is envision yourself on a floating bed through the sky with an amulet yes i do carry the amulet when i'm trying to sleep she's carrying an amulet for whatever reason i've never described what that is when i can't fall asleep i'm trying to get cozy i imagine that my bed is flying through the sky and almost like i've got some food packed in a little sort of sack you're on a mission and it's like quite like okay you've got to fly

through the night all you can do right now is sleep little one and just one thing you must do on your quest keep the amulet safe and it's almost like i know there's something to protect like amlia there's no real amulet but like there isn't almost that's somewhere else on the flying bed like that is just almost a thing that i do it's on your person it's just quite dreamy it gets you to sleep it's beautiful yeah it's so stunning it told me a lot about you actually when you told me that and i feel like you only said that like relatively recently it's quite like a weird thing to say it's not really why we even came up with it yeah i don't know when that came out but when that was revealed that's not like a weird thing i do guys it's just like it's perfect it's lovely it gave me a whole new understanding of you and like your what what brings you peace

and comfort in this life and i want to tie that to what brings you like fun and enjoyment so basically we have the most comfortable bed on earth i guess it would be your bed and it's kind of floating through just like abundant space it's very like it's a sparkly night and in the on the horizon of the night you are greeted with a kind of um i wouldn't say sentient but i would say telepathic being that is going to feed to you through this projection a brand new film made just for you just to your liking every time dependent on what mood you're in so like if you're feeling a bit anxious it would give you like the perfect film that would like make you feel better or make you feel comforted etc and it's also kind of you kind of shake your head a little bit and like there's a rustle of a paper and a kind of

chocolate bar appears like it's just kind of like everything is just to your liking oh that's what i'm picturing that's what i've invented for you i don't know how i've done it oh my god you're a genius done it you're gonna be rich i've done it i'm rich i'm rich grandpa joe spring chicken out of bed i'm cured um that's what i would invent god well you've set the bar really high that's good i'm happy you like it good i'm kind of for my idea for you i'm kind of inspired um by wallace and gromit okay so as you know about wallace he's an inventor obviously oh okay i didn't know that obviously you know wallace is a little inventor wasn't familiar okay so first invention is like a little thing so basically i just want your life to be as easy as possible wallace's one is actually a bit grim like it's almost like he gets thrown out of

bed and dressed and things like that i don't want anything like that for you well you're making me be wallace i don't like i'm looking really so i can see myself in the little facetime thing and i'm looking so sad i don't want to be plasticine no but I almost think you would quite like this invention okay but almost like I'm also taking some inspiration from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as well also a famous inventor correct because parts so strange all right why are we so strange all right I've taken some inspiration here so almost like it kind of gets you out of bed it's in a lovely way you put an arm through there you're in a dressing gown arm through there dressing around you super warm kind of you put your face over the thing and it washes it and

the most beautiful serums get applied oh my god it's lovely lovely lovely her hair gets put back into the slick bun that she likes all these kind of lovely soft hands doing it for her she doesn't even have to think then that's she walks downstairs beautiful beautiful beautiful um it's kind of a breakfast machine is going for you that's what i want here's where we go yes yes yes it all you just you don't have to do anything it's all just happening for you everything's beautiful um and i would just kind of make your home very um delicious just all these kind of things just make your life is very easy almost it's almost you think lifesaver hmm i would want to have a cup of tea oh we're lucky i'm an inventor i press the button tea comes into the

like it comes on like i would just think that would be great for you that is really um kind of rupert grint having a slide into his kitchen and getting like an ice cream van or whatever like it's really like yeah the perfect setup i mean that is really cool thank you so much that's very nice i hope you like it i love it i can't wait to use it yeah i can't wait to be greeted by a sentient being who's reading your inner workings not sentient making something just for you yeah okay that was amazing yeah that was amazing great question thank you so much um can't wait i feel changed forever okay i just thought that was a great place to start

so thank you so much for that okay but different tone okay but give us a different vibe what is something that other person could do that would end your friendship oh my god we speak about this bit i think what's something that you could do so not the worst thing you could do yeah i guess we could do the most minor thing that would still end yeah that's going to go what's something they could do that would end the friendship oh god they could just say i don't want to do this anymore yeah that would be bad that would end it okay maybe i guess it is yeah what is like i mean it's just some sort of huge betrayal yeah basically i think it comes down to like lack of trust betrayal anything that was like um really really detrimental

to my life i think that would be a bad bad sign if you really really fucked me over in some way but how though because this is what almost it's like i think when we live in the abstract it makes it harder to imagine it's like that would never happen but i think let's really get ourselves going let's think this could be quite scary right i think some sort of betrayal would be like um if i stole ozzy oh my if i stole him and just said i never took him but then you start seeing photos of i'm posting of him or something like that that would be bad i mean yeah i come over to your house when i leave ozzy's gone and i'm like i don't know don't and then you start actually cry just thinking about it but then like a year later you start seeing hints that i've had him the whole time almost

like there's a bit of fur on my clothes you know where's that everyone comments on our thing where's the hound wouldn't that be psychotic that's fucked up sephia i can't believe you've done that to me what would i do bad i think it's like killing a family member sort of thing yeah it's pretty bad kind of like having sex with my boyfriend like that's that's gonna do it isn't it he's gonna get thrown in there isn't it yeah um any kind of like betrayal of trust dishonesty in a big way if you like for example went behind my back and started messaging our manager freya saying like i really want to try and weasel with this yeah that would do it as well jesus that would do it that's i think that's also like feels a little bit more grounded in like the kind of um ugly

nature of the business yeah well almost you know what that is i know that that has probably happened within other people yes within in our position which is not great it's low position but that definitely has happened before whereas i don't know if people have killed each other's family members that have a podcast together yeah i mean that's quite extreme yeah but i think like if we almost like yeah if we were kind of going behind each other's backs to like fuck the other one over it would be bad if there's anything like more simple than that i guess not like is there anything more simple than that anything like i think that's it if you actually think about the reasons that like friends fall out yeah it always is because someone feels that

the other one has been wronged by them which is such a bad feeling when you feel like something was unjust. I think something we're really good at as well is like, and I know we say it, but I think everyone thinks we're lying. Because there's a lot of questions about like unspoken tension or how to call things out that annoy you or keep it buried sort of thing like blah, blah, blah. But I think we're really proactive, as we've said time and time again, at just being like, by the way, blah like blah blah blah but i think we're really proactive as we've said time and time again at just being like by the way blah blah blah also i think we kind of have an acknowledgement of that those feelings are unavoidable they're very likely to show up it's also part of life and part of the gig that yeah i think in life you'd be very naive to think that within you and your your friends especially if you're friends with women and you are a woman you are going to be pitted against each other in

certain ways like you are comparison competition all of this stuff was essentially like bred into us generation after generation society the terrible yeah me uh-huh i think we're not naive to the fact that being two women appearing on the internet together in conversations as publicly best friends dangerous realm dangerous realm i've seen it happen a lot like it's it's a recipe for people to be like hmm there's something suspicious here like these two haven't that it's not real or like when's this gonna fuck up and yeah i definitely have a lot of anxieties about that i have not even i don't know it crosses my mind that like all the time that we're two women in a dangerous spot and also we're in a an industry now somehow when did we fucking get here in an industry where women are pitted against

each other loads and also the stakes are kind of high because there's like a load of shit involved now like it's just stress it i do get stressed with that sort of thing because i want things to remain pure and nice and all of the stuff and i know that um people lose sight of themselves yeah easily i think as well like we would be happier in so many areas of life if we were more ignorant and that's just not the it's just not the deal that we've cut for some reason um also i think like kind of what you're saying about like being really aware that having like things come up is just part and parcel of being human i think a huge part of it is almost like

if you were to go to someone and say, oh, like this bugged me or like, oh God, this blah, blah, blah. It almost feels like such a big thing. And I think it makes people feel like, oh, that must mean that we've failed in some way or like that must be a bad thing. Like it almost makes it feel bigger than what it is. Just the idea of like saying it out loud,

having the conversation feels like it's amplifying it but actually a lot of the time it just allows it to kind of bubble out and do you know what is the bubble you both need to cry that's the that's kind of the thing whenever i've felt some kind of tension with you or there's ever been something that we've needed to speak about when we go through it and it's horrible and all of the stuff and then we kind of go through it probably we'll both cry and then be like oh okay and then I always feel that as soon as I've had an argument with one of my friends or anyone really as soon as you're through that it's like oh it was nothing it actually was nothing like the mind is a dangerous place for like stewing thoughts a lot of things can really be easily explained as well i think you can like talk your way out of a lot of things like you can talk

through things in a really healthy way with a lot of people but that also is a luxury of like it's reliant on them yeah exactly like you're both coming from the same place of being willing to talk through something and also and that working i think being forgiving is a really underrated trait i think there's a real there seems to be people take pride in an approach of like i hold a grudge i really hold a grudge and i think that is a terrible terrible mistake that we've made as a society like being forgiving not if not being naive not being stupid but actually like i make a real point in my life of that if someone i believe someone that has wronged me and they apologize to me if then i make the decision to forgive them which is like an active decision and it's a working

process but once i come to the decision of like i can forgive this and i can move past it and i understand their point of view and we've spoken about it and i feel like there's something like there's movement towards you know um writing the wrongs if i make the decision to forgive someone i need to forgive them like fully i can't then be holding a thing against them in the back of my mind it's like you can't have things ready in the canon to push out and i think you can't have weapons stored in the back of my mind it's like you can't have things ready in the canon to push out and i think you can't have weapons stored in the back no no no so i think with arguments with friends and stuff or just like feeling tension between your friendships once you've had that discussion you decide to forgive and so you've said sorry and all of the staff i think actually committing

to that and like holding on to that feeling of like after that argument or whatever has happened you really can see it from the perspective and you really can empathize with them yeah actually like holding on to that and remembering that you made a choice to do that acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois.

Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere acast.com 100 i think as well like both of us are not at least right now and like haven't been probably

for a while like i think in our friendship we're not the kind of people who like store things ready to throw at the other person and i think that's something that bugs us a lot yeah in like meeting other people and stuff it's like kind of um weaponized like intimate moments with people like someone tells you something you have it stored yeah and kind of like uh it's a very fine eggshell, the friendship that you must be walking on. That if one little dip or tension or conflict comes up, all of your shit is dragged up from the depths and thrown up at you. That's a very fine line to be walking with someone that is apparently your friend and that you apparently trust and all of that. And I think that's something that we're really not into. And I think part of that is probably just, that's something that we're really like not into and i think part of

that is probably just it's something you grow but i think maybe you also probably have to work at it like i'm sure a lot of people i think it also it's probably a human response of being like you know fuck you like you just suck at people yeah you get on the defense and you say horrible things and i don't want anyone to like feel ashamed about like snapping oh my god no i mean i know we don't we never do but like obviously i hope that i hope that's clear guys oh my god never feel yeah just no yeah that goes without saying but just i was just also being aware of it most most that shit is unconscious anyway like i'd have never really realized i'm being defensive and attacking someone until someone says, you're being defensive and attacking me. And then I might even still be like, no, I'm fucking not.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fucking not. It's like, give yourself 10 minutes. And then it's like, okay, sit for a second. Probably cry. My sister did this the other day. She was like, you're being out of order. You're being out of order.

And I was like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. And then I started crying. I was like, I'm just stressed. And then it's like, yeah, no, sorry, I'm being stressed. I'm being so horrid. Sorry. stressed and then it's like yeah no sorry i'm being stressed i'm being so horrid sorry yeah and it's like yeah and i think part of that is like the acceptance of admitting like i think we're really um maybe even too quick to um acknowledge when we are like being annoying to be around or like being annoying to like

you're not going to be a perfect person at all times and you're not going to be a perfect friend at all times you're not going to be like amazing fun all the time like you're going to be weird sometimes you're going to like say silly things you're going to make mistakes yeah you're going to be wrong a crucial thing like being willing to be wrong i think is one of the best skills you can learn it's definitely a skill like i don't think that really comes naturally to many people to be like actually i've thought about it and i was in the wrong and i'm like genuinely sorry is probably one of the best things you can learn to do because there will be a million times in this life where you were in the wrong oh my god and counting and counting okay last question

this is actually from the same person who said what um about the invention so oh wow okay double hit we've got a contender here for best questions i don't want to make a scene but something but this is impressive there's something important happening i just think it's funny do you think you would work together as a couple i'm assuming i saw this this is my friend i know i know um okay i mean uh well i was just gonna say no obviously well we wouldn't romantically as in we don't find each other romantically attractive unfortunately life would be a bit easy if we did could we put that aside that aside personality wise would we well we work well in other all the other ways i think i think we would personality wise i think we'd probably... Would we be a bit annoying?

We'd be quite reclusive. I think one of the things with our friendship is we are quite reclusive together. My wife was going to say I think we would spend no time together. Like, I would almost kind of send you to your room and be like, I don't want to talk right now. Do you know what I mean? No, not like that. But I almost think we, because we would be doing it just to be like,

we did it, we were in a be like we did it we were we were in a relationship we made it work we were amazing i think it's almost like it's kind of like fuck marry kill it's like yeah i could marry kind of donald trump if i never saw him and like no like all of that sort of thing but i'm picturing it not as in we have a podcast i'm kind of viewing our personalities as like two souls almost oh then i think it would be great what we do when we're together is we really like for example think about at uni we start kind of when we started becoming friends we kind of stopped going to the library we kind of stopped going out we kind of

stopped talking to everyone else we kind of would be in the house being like oh my god the high priestess card oh my god it's crazy it's like i actually think it's kind of also the opposite that when we're around anyone else apart from maybe a few select people we are putting on a show like we are um quite a force around other people yeah like i think actually we thrive in social environments together yeah we do we're kind of ant and deck it's just like we're just a really good balance it's it's just a duo guys it's a perfect duo but i don't know why but i think it's all in the differences so do i but then i think there has to be a similarity within our kind of viewpoint of the world like there are ways that we come to decisions that are different and there's ways that we are

completely different within like our like i don't know our thought processes and everything but i think there's an overarching tie in that i will agree with most things you say and you will agree with most things i say within reason that we maybe are coming from different angles and we have different loads of differences as two different humans but i think the overarching thing is that like whenever you're saying something i'm kind of nodding like yeah yeah yeah that's a huge aspect of our friendship i think to each other's thoughts and opinions and like beliefs and i think also like say we were both to say something really like um kind of out of left field we would the other person

would more often than not be really dedicated to like figuring out where that's coming from having the combo why i wonder why i don't see it the same way that sort of thing and almost like i feel like we have um quite a safe like curiosity with one another of just like we're allowed to be different and i think our differences if i think the difference is the most interesting part like i feel like the ways that we're similar is kind of like oh well we're all fucking similar like yeah like generally like we want good things for people blah blah blah boring but i feel like the differences are what kind of brings a bit of spice i think this pairing of us two is like rare like i actually do think i don't know i think the more time as well like we've had together i think at the beginning i was like oh we get along great and we're gonna have a podcast amazing

yeah but then i think the more we've done it i'm like no this is something different this is something different yeah rare yeah it's something very specific like the dynamic we have and i also think who we are allowed to be in each other's company is quite specific i think we allow the other person to be um a fun version of themselves yeah definitely and we don't receive the other person with like um we don't try and bring the other person down or like make them smaller we want to like up the ante of the other person but i think that's kind of since being friends with you i think our friendship really does kind of facilitate more like kindness more like happiness more fun like i really feel like

with my friendship with you i really have been and i think for you as well kind of growing in a really great direction together like i can see you kind of blossoming and i can see me blossoming like within also i would say we already have blossomed years ago yeah we were we were bloomed but someone once said to me in a pub oh my god this is so annoying i was working in the pub i was about 18 and he said you're gonna be really pretty one day but you just need to blossom and then he asked for my number i was like you fucking bitch you don't know what you've just done you've just created an enemy i'm two enemies thank you very much i think he said like you're so you're pretty whatever this was him flirting he was like you're pretty but like you just haven't blossomed yet pedophile pedophile pedophile i'm 18 i'm angry did you know of him did you know i knew

he was about four years older than me and he had a girlfriend that was like also four years older than me like and it's like did he go to your get away from me um i don't know if he went to the school but his girlfriend did should we just name him and send everyone to his house um i don't know his name i i actually don't know his name but i could see i couldn't see his face but i remember thinking oh my god you've just made an enemy of the person making your drinks big mistake that is a life-changing incident really that is to me my life's fucking changed i'm fuming i think i was so immune to it by that point because i was surrounded by creepy men in a pub the whole time i got like i got pretty much sexually assaulted every week in that not sexually assaulted probably more sexually harassed every day in that pub i did actually i haven't said this to you but i had

someone say to me the other day um that i need to start thinking about having kids soon i got told i need to freeze my eggs soon that's like one of the first times it's been said to like to me and i just thought shut the fuck up wild crazy people are crazy here aren't they people are also it's like can you not project your fears onto a baby child oh my god i'm prepubescent i just honestly how dare you i'm a baby i'm goo goo ga going all over the place you think i'm like oh my goodness i just it's like what you think my body is for you to oh my god it makes me but i came back then i i did snap back i snapped which i shouldn't have no you should well i i killed the vibe but i just thought i'm not having that there's no vibe there the vibe is actually aggressive it is about to have a fight

you're telling me to impregnate my body and give birth so what you're comfortable piss off i mean it's purely their own i can't tell you how much it's purely their own... I can't tell you how much it's purely their own shit. But anyway. It always is. Anything someone says to you that's jarring is always probably their shit. Oh, yeah. It's all about them. I would say 80%.

Okay. Well, that has been really nice. Yeah. Okay. It's been definitely weird. Oh, you didn't enjoy it? No, no. I know I didn't enjoy it.

But it's always like, hmm, was that listenable? Okay. I hope it was. I think so. I'd listen to to that i love talking about us yeah so do i but it's also we are us i love listening i think that's the point but there's nothing i know better than no there is this is my forte this is my area of expertise if there's anything we're equipped to handle yeah so true well this has been what episode 10 of podmas but flying through we are flying through this one in a minute do you feel christmasy yet do you feel christmasy yet you do no a little bit we need to get another christmas plan in the

i feel like when you're with me you're feeling christmassy well why don't we um and when i saw that little card on the free table i felt pretty christmassy then yeah i think we should um why don't we make cinnamon houses whatever they're called gingerbread houses yeah not cinnamon houses god that would that's architecturally not sound it's not sound it's not structurally it's not um j Jess and Nick's Yellow Pages table, whatever they do. Yeah. Cute. Oh, God.

All right. Don't bring them up. Bethlehem, babes. Bye. Bye, world. If you don't hear from us. If you don't hear from us, assume we slayed too hard.

Jesus. Jesus