Goes Without Saying - goals, 'flopping', & the end of year guilt: podmas #11

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

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Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Ho ho, motherfucking ho. Ho ho ho. Take one, I'm straight in, sorry. We're going in. What's behind the door today? We're going in. Just all of our flaws and all of our

failures can't move the door it's so jam-packed in here been hoarding failures it literally comes rushing out the door they cram out yeah the germinate curse what is that would they multiply that's what i've done with all of my failures all my failed things I'm excited for this one this feels a bit um which is obviously the cliche way to start an episode but I am excited and it feels a bit different good good just spicing things up just keeping us you know loose and light keeping it fresh um is there anything that jumps to mind for you? Well, when I was thinking about my long list of New Year's resolutions that I make every year. For next year? No, just that I made at the beginning of the year.

And I kind of at the end of the year start thinking about the ways in which I've succeeded and failed in the things I wanted to do. Even though I don't necessarily view it in those terms. But just like, did I do the things that I set out to do even though I don't necessarily view it in those terms but just like did I do the things I set out to do for the last I would for the first maybe 15 years of my life I would do the same new year's resolution every year and I failed it every year every single year stop biting stop biting my nails that has always been a thing that I've always thought it would be it's a dirty habit and if you can just stop doing it your fingers won't be in pain like they're always at that kind of when you press them they hurt stage they always pretty much are i can't believe you've been living like this honestly it's insane it's the life of an anxious girl it's so odd oh no um and i bit them bit them bit them up

until first year of uni that was my first ever period of stopping biting my nails and it lasted about three months and i was like oh my god i can't believe i've done this this is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me in my life didn't know this was possible yeah um started again stopped again until you know it's a thing and then over the last few years i've been going through periods of stopping for about four months starting again stopping starting stopping starting one of the things i will they won't they kind of it's a ross and rachel dynamic yes one minute you're on a break one minute they're getting off when you're writing a 15 page letter yeah it's all going one minute um they're saying the wrong name at the altar and next minute you're with joey oh what's going it's going really well at that point

i love when you're with god i love when i'm with joey it's my favorite same who was your who was your friend's boy like who was your crush i would love to have more integrity but it is joey i think but it is all of them in some way i mine was chandler chandler chandler rest in peace oh rest in peace um but always always always trying but young joey god could you could it get any better i mean you can't season like season one joey i'm shaking my head i'm actually blushing wow wow wow wowzer yeah um at the start of this year i added it to my list again of new year's resolutions i said stop biting your nails but like almost like i would like to have didn't see that one coming not painful nails for like the majority of the year i don't think i managed that at all

right now they're in the process of being grown back out like i went i had quite the the bleeding painful nails for a lot of the year then i probably bleed it yeah no honestly they bleed they're painful they're so god you keep this all to yourself you wear all this pain on your show you take it all it's crazy it's just like whenever i get stressed or in the cinema like it's not even doesn't even have to be stress in my life it will be just a big stress in a show it can be stressed in a film it's just a weird horrible thing that i do um and any other nail biters will get it i'm sure i know they're feeling it yeah i know it's a bad it's a bad thing and do you know what it's

so funny i can see like my dad bites his nails my brother bites his nails and my little nine-year-old sister i've seen it take a look at her hands and i've been like stop this because you're in for a world of pain don't get in this habit um even though there's no way out really if you're gonna do it you're gonna do it you can't really stop a nine-year-old from fighting even though you're doomed but so right so then i discovered my rediscovered i should say because i've been on this many a time in my life the stop and grow life where you put the horrible tasting thing on your nails that has actually helped me and so for the past few months i've had like long nails that i would not long normal length nails that were grown naturally my own nails not extensions and i was so happy with it then obviously bit them back down again and right now they're in the process of being grown back out not at a painful stage but they

don't like look nice and i think that is just going to be a failing throughout my life that is just like i'm making some peace with the fact that my nails go through stages and they kind of do reflect the state of my mind at that moment mind i actually think even just generally i think nails are actually a good like everyone just take let's take a second let's look at our nails right now and it says a lot right i see you guys i see your the chips we're not looking good varnish well congratulations for you if you are looking good right now it it does it says something it does say something for sure it says something um i would love to know if there's any like i know it's like sometimes just a mindless habit and you just end up biting them but like over the times where you've gone longer periods without biting is there like a trend that you've noticed that gets you back into biting yeah like

is there something that triggers it yeah whenever i'm almost like if i am in often when i'd be at uni in my kind of freedom fun life they would I would let them grow out the second I'd come home for Easter or Christmas or anything been bound to a stub again wow so it'd often be associated with just like being stressed at home but it fluctuates at the moment I'm at home and yeah I've had good I have all right nails now so who knows good for you but that's a bit that's a big keep our fingers crossed for you that's just a big kind of life long every year i set the intention every year i can't do it for a whole year because it's actually impossible you're so brave for sharing that with us thank you so much and i believe in you i really do actually i really do what about you do you have anything that jumps

to mind your biggest failure of the year um okay this is actually the first thing that came to mind just prompted by we asked on the story by the way for you all to be anonymously featured in this episode and um thank you always for sharing your thoughts because they're always so much better than ours i'm not even just saying that like they genuinely are do you guys bite your nails well somebody said something they've failed this year, like a goal they've failed is going back to journaling and meditation as habits. Like not being able to keep up journaling and meditation and stuff. And I think not necessarily a failure, but I think something that I've had to accept, I think probably like over the course of this year, is that I think it's probably this year. It's like journaling doesn't really work for me a lot in a certain way i can't really journal like about my mental health it makes me so much worse yeah i like i

that's not what i need well you don't need to write down i feel like everything is shit right now definitely not that's not never gonna help a single soul no but i'm also not the kind of person who needs to do much more interrogating into their thoughts or like encourage much more self-awareness and things like that like i'm more so i think this year i've realized getting out of my head and just into the real world rather than i think some sometimes it can be really helpful to get out of your head and like onto the page but that isn't me like i think it's not something that is in a traditional mental health journaling self-awareness prompts all of that stuff is not helpful for me and i like journaling just in a different way of like i'm collecting my

thoughts it's you know selection of little weird little writings that is embarrassing it's whatever yeah and journaling in like a kind of mindfulness traditional mental health sense that works for a lot of people and that i see on tiktok and that i see on pinterest and i see everywhere and it looks so great and like so nice and sweet and aesthetic and beautiful that doesn't translate into my life in a way that makes me feel better it makes me feel worse and that's fine and like i can just almost like adjusting why you want to integrate something in your life and figuring out how that works for you rather than just like lifting it up out of someone else's life and trying to drop it

into yours i feel like that is when we have all of these like goals and revolution revolutions revelations resolutions where you're lifting kind of squares and trying to put them into the circle of your life or like oh that person does this this and this they do this five times a week they drink a water every time they do that like all of these kind of like amazing ways that everyone's apparently living i think like using it as like inspo bit of like you know oh that sounds nice oh i could do something like that every now and then but i think taking somebody else's like apparent or like projected lifestyle and prescribing it to yourself for me personally in loads of ways just doesn't work and then you get yourself or i do into the cycle of like why am i so shit back try again why am i so

shit try again why am i so shit and some things just Why am I so shit? Try again. Why am I so shit? And some things just aren't the right fit like right now. Also with things like journaling and meditation and yoga and all of those things, I think we've got an idea that if you have to do them every day to be able to say that you do it almost. But actually what I found anyway with all of these things, they go through real fluctuations with how much i want to do them how much i can do them sometimes i don't have the energy to do them at all sometimes i get in a flow with them and i want to do them all the time but having this idea at the beginning of the year or whatever you say to yourself oh i'm gonna do yeah i'm gonna journal every day

and then it's like okay so what whatever happens you do your long day of whatever you sit down at your desk. Well, I'm supposed to write about that. I don't fucking want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I haven't got the energy. Like, I think we really are dumb

with the way that we view these things, that it's like to, almost that we think we have to earn the title of someone that journals, someone that meditates. It's like, you don't have to be a monk jay shetty and andy from headspace you don't have to be andy to meditate no you don't not every day to say that you do it to enjoy it you don't have to dedicate your life to it no no i'd rather you didn't in fact you don't have to you don't have to gives me um a slight red flag it's a bit your um weaponizing

wellness your fucking it is a little bit, Brad. A little bit. Whatever it's called. It's also like at some point, surely that is like, obviously it could be working for you. But if it isn't, at some point that is going against your intuition. And I think that's the like crux of like, you're not doing something that feels good for you or because you genuinely want to do it. You're doing it to tick a box or present yourself a certain way or to prove yourself

in some way wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until july 14th it's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay.

These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Yeah. And it's a waste of time. It's probably going to make you feel worse.

One thing I would say about journaling as well, just because I feel like that is such a popular she's so popular right now thing to do she's the it girl one thing that i have really learned from i've never called it journaling like i guess i do journal but like i've always kept a diary throughout my life and i feel like that is more my thing and i really did learn probably in my teenage years that because I'd be writing such negativity negativity onto these pages and it was so destructive cycle I completely agree with you that it is you get yourself into the loop of feeding back more negative stuff you and you're it's just horrible I kind of came up with a thing where I was like I'm never gonna leave a diary entry in like a negative space so I would always end it with three things that I'm happy

about or like grateful for or whatever at the end three things i like at the end because i was like it's so horrible to kind of shut your book that's supposed to be like the place that you come and be with yourself the end yeah it's like this is your inner workings and when you close it you go close and you're like i feel like garbage like it's terrible it's like that's the insides of your brain in this book yeah let's give it some nice journal you're a mess like just it can be a total mess and then give yourself just a few moments before you come out of your inner brain yeah just three nice things maybe yeah i think that's actually a big one that i would say we're quite successful at and it's something we do actually in our friendship, which is so disgusting and cringe.

Bread for the table. Bed for the table. Compliments to the chef. And oftentimes we'll just be like, let's do gratefulness. Let's be like, what are we happy about? Like, let's just get some perspective. Should we do one little bit of gratefulness now? Yeah.

You go first. Oh, God, okay. That's so funny. Should we do some gratefulness some great with yeah go on you give me one i would love to know what you're grateful for i'm or i can give you a compliment oh wow i'll give you a compliment i'll give you a little bit of bread all right i'll go for speed you i'll say something i'm great before and then i'll give you a compliment then you can say something you're grateful for and then you give me a compliment yeah sure yeah this is a game if you if you're new to this game this is a game called compliments to the chef uh-huh brackets bread for the table yeah so basically bread for the table basically you start out starving hungry

okay you're under you're so starving we've got no self-esteem no validation like you're absolutely starved for confidence and you sit down lovely little swanky little restaurant and we start bringing out course after course after course of um pleasantries for you yeah yeah so i would start by saying okay so actually i was thinking this when i was editing our episode about when we were talking about seven wing law which i thought was such a good episode uh it's the last one actually when you hear this and it was called like friendship secrets and like rivalry or something i put yeah it's actually it's actually just a really nice episode and i was thinking and i do kind of say this in a way in a roundabout way often but i was like i wish i could have got across when when i was when we was doing that episode i wish i could have got across that i think you're

um obviously such a special person but almost like i really learn like a sense of freedom and um kind of authority over my own life from you like i feel like you really are someone who is like really free and like confident in themselves in in a way in a way nailed bitten down to the dreads um but i just think you like really encourage you either um make people feel really aware of like how they are can't say that immediately cut wait really we'll just almost like a like a yeah like yeah but they're not gonna listen i like that keep that in i make people aware of how desperate they are by contrast like you can't like it just it rubs off like being around you but you have like it's a very um contagious way of like looking at the world and almost the way you move through the

world is very um just powerful like you're very like you just do it like you just you believe that you can do it you don't question it you don't listen when people say like shitty things like you just you really trust your own instinct and you bat everything away and i think that's why that's why i like kind of side by side yeah with you because you kind of bat the bullets away i can just be shielded by you yeah okay really nice thank you and what are you grateful for well i'm grateful to do this obviously um i'm grateful i'm grateful for this december i feel like we're just doing fun things and i feel i actually feel quite grateful to be this kind of

sounds a bit um kind of oxymoronic kind of sounds like i'm kind of sounds like the opposite but i'm actually really excited that this year's coming to an end i'm just excited to see the back of this year the tabula rasa i'm really excited i'm itching i'm excited for coming to an end i'm just excited to see the back of this year the tabula rasa i'm really excited i'm itching i'm excited for the tabula rasa i'm excited for the clean slate yeah and almost like i'm excited for next year and i feel like i'm really appreciative of coming to the end of the year feeling grateful for what has happened this year and also being excited for the year ahead i feel like this is probably the most in my life where i've had like extended periods of feeling good for longer than ever and I feel like I'm almost losing I'm getting that like

out of touch thing of like god I don't know if I can remember in the same way what it's like to be so sad in that way and I know that I have such an excitement for next year that I probably haven't felt that way that much before so I'm just feeling grateful for that what about you oh that's so nice thank you um okay so here's your here's just some bread yeah go on i'm starved mine kind of starts with like a little bit of a story oh god well it doesn't but i was i was somewhere the other day and i just felt nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous just i felt just a nervous energy where am i oh okay yeah that gets cut that gets cut yeah sorry guys i just felt a bit nervous just a bit shaky just a bit of an anxious girl and you entered the room and i just instantly felt so calm and i was just and i was really thinking about i was like you just have one of those presences that is just like warm and nice and just like easy to be around like soothing like

i just felt instantly like okay like thank you everything's fine just just the warm the warm girl walks into the room everyone's glowing she's sweating sweaty girl walks in just a warm nice um soothing person that's really nice i think it's a really cool thing to be that might be one of the best compliments anyone's ever given me ever really i mean we played this game a lot so yeah but that's pretty high that's kind of that's andrew garfield you're bathing me in sunlight like that's like i'm a shot of espresso god i'm amazing no you are yeah that's oh thanks genuinely how i feel thank you so much that's really nice thank you for sharing that i feel like that's quite vulnerable for you to share really yeah i don't know i just feel like

that's quite sweet oh well it's true it's so true thank you i really needed that as well i'm really not feeling good yeah no well i hope you take it in i am i am taking it and i won't let it go in fact no no hold it with you whilst you're through this illness yeah yeah go on then are you grateful let that cure the illness it will cure my ailments yeah i love that the thing that i'm grateful for as well i'm making gingerbread today um and it's in the fridge now like the dough is kind of cool like kind of getting apparently gets harder in the fridge um so after this i'm gonna make five gingerbread men i'm one is going to my grandma as a get well soon gingerbread man lovely one is gluten-free and vegan because a lot of dietary requirements involved in my list one is going to

my grandma one is going to my brother one is going to me one's going to my mum and my dad's in england tomorrow so one's going to my dad nice and oh my god i can't wait to make them and decorate them later my sister's not getting one though because she's away otherwise she would have one obviously i didn't just leave her out that's so cute of you though what a nice activity i'm really excited that's really nice and i've got food colorings and everything nice but i found some and they could all be like expired i found some expired in 2004 honestly no they probably they probably you know when you try and open the lid and it's like hard with sugar yes they're gonna be like that sort of thing lovely well i hope you enjoy that and um everyone share your failures with us a lot of people are saying about um nails here by

the way so they're gonna be really feeling you not biting my nails sad face oh my god obsessing over boys oh you and me i mean i just watched a video i shouldn't have watched this you shouldn't have watched this josh hutchinson being chaotic for six minutes straight or something no bad bad bad not for six minutes straight it was like oh my god i yeah i really shouldn't have done it that's bad i feel really bad about it, honestly. Santa was watching you as well, straight on the naughty list. I didn't know you were checking it twice. Cole. Cole. Honestly, Cole.

Cole. Impish. Why is that quite funny to be like, Cole? Like almost jail. Like Cole. Cole. When we say something fucked. Alright, Cole.

Okay, cool. Bethlehem. Well, Bethlehem. Slaying all over the place. If you don't hear from us assume we say too hard Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th.

It's a treat for you and your wallet.