Goes Without Saying - goals, habits, & endless spiralling: podmas #8

Episode Date: December 8, 2024

merry podmas! festive podmothers sephy & wing enter a Big Sleigh: carolling on changes and 'weird energy', self-doubt, second-guessing, self-care 'menus', ideas for the new year, and, as always, Divorce. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com. Was the season of chaos and all through the house, not one person was stressing. Holla differently this year with DoorDash. Don't wanna holla do the most? Holla don't. More festive, less frantic.

Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash. What are you gonna say now? I'm not gonna say anything crazy, but, you know, there's just stuff happening left and right, hey? There really is. Well, do you wanna say something crazy? I feel like there's nothing stopping us from saying what's actually going on. Uh, I wouldn't mind reflecting on it in the new year. Okay, let's reflect on it in the new year. It's not a matter for podmas.

No, it's not a podmas matter. It's always like, let's stay together for Christmas for the kids. Genuinely. Genuinely. Let's just get through Christmas, It's always like let's stay together for Christmas for the kids Let's just get through Christmas. Yeah, well everything's good like I'll just say it in this Just in case people think we're getting a divorce Exactly. Yeah, seffy and wing has never been stronger. No, just there's changes

Changes are for changes and the wider thing industry The actual this yeah Yeah this is perfect. This is the North Star in fact. Genuinely. I did text Sefi earlier and I said it feels like our shared parent is divorcing our shared parent. Like it feels like as the kids Sefi and Wing our parents are getting divorced and we're going through it together. Genuinely. Which is nice. And then I said let's climb up and down our loft beds screaming which is a deep cut. Yeah, which I do get. Which is what me and my sister did when our actual parents split up. Yeah, and I just sat there like a 85 year old woman and said, oh lovely.

I sat there like a lemon. Hope everyone be well. Yeah, honestly I truly did sit there like a lemon and I said, as long as you're all okay, that's fine. Drink a little cup of tea. So I've heard. I wish that is exactly what I've been doing all day today. That sounds absolutely delightful. Yeah.

I'm having one now in fact. Yeah, same. Cheers to that. Cheers to that. Cheers. Let's do a great Gatsby cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Fireworks in a few. And this is just gonna be a nice festive chat. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really happy with that. Getting in the festive spirit once again. I love it when it's festive. same. like we sometimes we haven't really done I guess we have done some festive episodes but I feel like podmas is a mix and one podmas that we did where we just did 12 episodes they were all really really christmassy. maybe they weren't though.

I remember one being called like divorce. Yeah it definitely was and like you know mourning and grief. Yeah I actually remember that one as well. And how to be confident. They're always just a mix. Oh so yeah. What am I on about? But I think I don't know what you're on about yeah but I think this year has been pretty festive which I like. Yeah. Because I am feeling festive. So go on tell me about your festivity mindset. Well I don't even have an advent calendar Well, this is I think of the litter. I've been left behind While everyone else is chomping away. I'm bloody starving. I chomped too today because I forgot mine yesterday No, no, I'm only catching up. I'm not scared. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know I would never insinuate that you would skip ahead

God, you know how we feel about we know the rules. We know the rules. We know the rules. It's the only thing we abide by in fact. Yeah. Yeah, don't have an advent calendar, but you know Christmas is more than just well, it's kind of mostly about the chocolate but it's definitely a lot about chocolate and gifts and food. It's definitely a big player. But then we were just brainstorming off the pod of what you could do and I said get a thing of dairy milk and just have a square a day, but it's just not very fun. There's something about cracking the... 100% there's something about cracking the window. It's the whole thing.

Cracking a window! Cracking the little window open. God, crack a window. My mum used to make us have like, ones with just a picture behind it. How bad is that? That's really... I love that. I hate it. It was between the whole family as well so you'd do one in three. It's very middle class. It's very cool. We'd have to take it in terms. It's is that? I love that. I hate it. It was between the whole family. It's very middle class. It's very cool. We'd have to take it in turns. It's very intellectual,

I think. So I don't have an advent calendar and yeah, I'm fighting the fight. I'm doing the Lord's work, spreading the word of Christmas. You really are. For some reason. 25 days in a row. I mean 25 days. I just feel, I think it's mostly that I'm just ready for 2025, whatever that entails. I do feel like in some way December has just taken a hit. Something, just a little bit of a change right before Christmas. It does kind of set you, you know, there's a little bit of something happening. It does feel like it's suddenly like, do you know the feeling that I've said I am all morning? So basically we had this sort of news last night.

And I keep being like, I just feel disorientated. Like I feel good and everything, but I just feel very disorientated. Like, whoa, okay, rugs kind of, not even rugs being pulled out, but kind of rug has been pulled out in the most beautiful way. But underneath was shiny hardwood beautiful floors. Oh beautiful

Victorian floor about to be restored. God didn't we get lucky. Totally. I was saying it feels like almost you're at school and it's like oh my god did you hear like this morning like at break there was a car accident or something outside the boy the boy from the year above has been in like almost almost you hear something that's happened at school. But that makes it sound like something has really happened. You know when there's a sense of commotion basically there's just kind of we're just moving around we're just shifting around there's conversations being happening and everyone's just moving around. Yes everyone is moving around. So it's a physical thing of like... Some out, some in, some out. Some moving out. Some out with the door slammed behind you. And that's fine. And it is actually the best and everything is in good...

No, you're running out the door, you're fleeing in fact. Fleeing from the fire. But it is the kind of, we're all good with everyone. Exactly, and that's the thing I think where it's like, you know, technically speaking, you're fine, but you just hear of this news of like, oh my God, did you hear what happened to that teacher this morning? Or something like that. Do you know what I mean?

It's something like that where it's like, oh, something's going on today. Like there's a kind of hubbub. There is definitely a hubbub of the day for sure. There's a hubbub of the day. So just filling you in, but. But without really saying anything, we said that there was a boy in a car. I know and I literally was thinking the whole time I wish we could just... I wish you were here listener listener you. Oh Harry. Harry. We now speak directly to you but yeah it's all good things it's all funny things. 100%. What was I gonna say? Oh yeah I was gonna say the Sephian Wing curse is

alive and well oh my god it totally guys do you remember how when we we left gleam and then we got signed at gleam and we were probably the last people to get signed and then they died and then within like literally the next month they six months folded as a company it's like Sephian Wing curse going strong where Sephian Wing go if you see Seph and wing turn up you know it can't be good. It's never a good omen. We're kind of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Was it you? When you see us riding in. I believe this was you because it's just so funny that said that we had an anti- Midas touch. Yes! Because everything we touch turns to shit. Turns to absolute shit. So it doesn't. Other than us we're a minstrel. we go from strength to strength.

well it's kind of like we suck the blooming daylights out of everything we meet. oh god that's horrible. i know. that's a horrible thought. i know. but that's the kind of thing that we would always say that when your parents split up as a kid and everyone says it's not your fault It's not your fault and I would always think I know it's not my fault But then as you get older, I've kind of thought when things happen negatively to other people in my life I do think it's my fault. God. That's crazy. I don't Yeah, why would it be your fault? Just like I Don't know in any way could this be your because I'm a narcissist. I'm an egomaniac. I obviously just think I'm definitely an egomaniac I'm also do you know what? I really am but like I'm most narcissist, I'm an egomaniac. I obviously just think everything's my fault. No, I'm definitely an egomaniac. I'm also, do you know what I really am?

Like I'm most talking about myself as a kid, attention seeker, because I used to use that phrase. I heard them say that on Tracy Beaker, oh I think it's my fault that my parents blab. So I used to go around like telling teachers, like doing a sad face and being like, can I please sit outside for this lesson because I just think it was all my fault.

And I never thought that for a second like literally never crossed my mind but I just thought that was like the thing to say. Well I thought it was like the thing to be like no I would never think that like I'm not a child I'm not a baby even though I literally was like I would literally be like no I'm completely fine like why would this why would this impact me in any way I'm fucking so invincible everything like you can do whatever to me and I can take like just what I loved it's like what show is a drama here's a drama and let's just milk that for all it's worth well same it's almost like let's show off in different ways like mmm I guess it is kind of like what we talking about anyway festive films bloody how we're

quite divorce heavy at the moment on the pod. Something's up with us. Is there something up with us? Not with us, Sefi and me. No, no. Something's in the air. But what's up with our lives? I don't know. There's definitely a divorce. Earlier this morning I said, yeah, there is.

It's probably me, I feel like I keep bringing it up. But this morning I was having my tea when we were talking about it and I said it's the muscle memory of the trauma of going through a big change and being like, wow, I must be sat down in the living room with a trauma of like going through like a big change and being like well I must be sat down in the living room with a cup of tea then to handle this news. I don't really know yeah but we were talking about it way before we got this news.

Yeah. We just I think we just are really thinking about. Is it Christmas or something? I guess you're thinking about families more and stuff. Yeah. You probably are yeah that probably is it. Which if you haven't picked up on this Sefi and I both come from really bizarre families. Yeah. If you don't mind me saying Sefi. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So we definitely have some sort of, you know, reflections. Definitely.

I've, if I've got anything, I've got reflections for sure. We've always got reflections. For sure. So what are we doing then? Should we carry on talking about divorce? No, no. Can we not? Talking about divorce. But then we've ruined the film carry on talking about divorce? No, no, can we not go on talking about divorce? But then we've ruined the film episode by talking about divorce for ten minutes. But that's the essence of Cephei and Wing. Is that what you want? Yeah, I think that's a good direct- That's got the Cephei stamp approval on it.

I think I would rather, listen, if I'm going to click on an episode about films, I'd rather there's an actually interesting chat in there rather than i talk to home alone elf well then should we not do the film? no because i want to talk about that as well but like that can't just be a whole episode it's got to have a bit of sephian wing magic but i'm sure we'll bring the sephian wing magic sorry guys hope you don't mind me just quickly having a chat here in this podcast but surely we can bring the sephian wing we will when we talk about films we'll be like oh that reminds me of the blah blah blah we'll have our own we'll have a diversion that actually makes sense for that title. Let's do that, let's have a diversion that makes sense.

Does that make sense, though? I just don't, this is just like, what is this? Well, we can, let me think about how we could reframe this. Just almost like overthinking at the end of the year. It's like overthinking and it's like. Yeah, that definitely feels right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, second guessing yourself, like almost like, that definitely feels you know what I mean Yeah

Second guessing yourself like almost like you know when you get to the end of the year and it's like what the fuck have I Done this year or like what have I got to show for myself or like who am I that sort of thing? Okay, and then we go on diversions rather than oh I'm so excited to listen to this kind of cozy episode and we talk about home alone and films or whatever and we will divert Naturally yeah, okay perfect. Do you know what I mean? I'm up for whatever. I'm completely... I know everyone's excited to hear what we were actually saying there and then it's like oh I've just... the wind comes in and stomps her foot on it and says no we're not doing that. I just think it makes more sense for you to click on something

to hear something vaguely related to, or almost just the vibes. Yeah, let's do it. Do you know what I mean? I... Okay. Right, overthinking. Yeah, let's just focus on that.

No one I know is having a good point at the moment. Really? Or like people keep being like, God I'm just struggling with this winter, like I just can't wait for it to be like January, like this December, I'm not enjoying it. Oh God. I just can't wait for it to be January, this December. I'm not enjoying it. Oh God. Okay, well I am really enjoying, I'll be one person that is enjoying December,

but I am not because anything particularly good's happening, but just almost because I get to be in the shit and then also have mince pies. Like in a deep sense, yes, terrible, but on the surface, it's like, oh my God, Home Alone on in the background while I cry for the 15th time today, sounds amazing. Do you know what I mean? It's definitely softening up low. I'm also enjoying it. Like I, I do miss autumn. Like I loved it so much and it just always

feels so. You've got a couple more weeks technically. I'm, I just don't like if I'm, I know technically but I am looking out the window right now and I am kidding myself to call that autumn It's as gray as anything. I'm just like as dead as anything Like it is just so so so so fucking winter And it's just always gutting how quickly autumn passes because it's just so fucking stunning But like I am I think there's more winter to be had than what we're dealing with now So prepare 100% but Christmas is the best of winter for sure. Like December is ultimate winter to me. Yeah, it's perfect.

It only gets tougher from here on out. Yeah, all the lights come down and it's still just dark. It's just gloomy, especially in England. It's like, you thought it was hard when the tree was up. I don't, yeah. I think people aren't necessarily finding it hard in terms of like, the christmas element helps. oh the christmas element saves everything.

but the end of the year is a slog. do you know what it is? q4. which we have mentioned before on the thing. i was saying to someone before- we've named and shamed q4 before. we've named and shamed q4. the tight fistedness that comes along with Q4. Which I completely understand. But yeah, kind of people being like, oh I'm just ready to like

kind of wrap up work and I actually know someone that's like moving jobs soon as well, so kind of that it's like ready to wrap up their job. Definitely. You start, you know, you're running out of steam. Yeah, and I feel like that's sort of, I think it's kind of what we always say, the tabula rasa, the fresh start. There's nothing like it. Yeah, that's what people are craving.

And January is the ultimate tabula rasa. Have got my new journal coming today, ready to go. Oh my God, from where? For 2024. Well, I always love the Loic term. I actually don't know how to say it but those are the ones I've used for years and for whatever reason I've been loyal to them. The 1917 Loic term. I'm definitely saying it wrong. They do like all different colours and they do like

lined and bullet and all of this stuff. Do you still do bullet journal because that used to be your thing at uni? Yeah, kind of At uni it was really good because I would literally bullet journal I would do like 100 words tick 100 words tick 100 words tick. Yeah, I would literally like micromanage myself I do but it's a lot more like there's a bit of everything in there. Like I wouldn't dump as much Back at uni. I feel like it was pretty much just like the day and then the shit that I'm doing today and like an academic thing yeah and I would move it forward to tomorrow if I didn't all of that stuff

whereas now it's like I'll write out like oh fucking a load of shit like Secret Santa drrrrrrrrr it's still in the bullet form because I don't I don't know I just like filling in my own titles rather than being like oh today's the 17th of February and I have to follow your how many lines I'm allowed to write today do you know I mean yeah I like it just being like oh I can make a mess here completely I don't think I might do one on paper this year, but I have been, like, my Google calendar, everything going. Oh my god, it's gone. No, not Google, sorry. My Apple calendar.

Mm, I was gonna say it to you, because we have shared Google calendar, and I know you're not gonna think about that. I've never even opened it. Yeah. I can't even look at that. I know we share it, but it's a one-man job. I love the Google calendar.

I actually do, I have gone on my laptop, that thing. It's really good. I just like that you can change all the colours to make it look really nice. What I like about Apple is that you can't, it just looks like how Steve Jobs intended, it's just white. May he rest in peace. May he rest in peace with his aesthetic clean eye. And he has made it perfect. And it goes back, not even joking, every single event. I've had every friend I've met up with every appointment every everything is back from to like 2016 Scroll right up like me at sixth form and it's like yeah Babysitting tonight things like that and I use that religiously and then I just like journal like a maniac

Yeah, but that's no structure. That's just absolute nonsense. Well I also like, oh guys if you haven't used Notion before, end of December, start of the new year is a great time to start watching some lovely YouTube videos about how to use Notion. Moia, I don't know how to say her name but I think she even just, I'm pretty sure she has the Instagram handle, Moira now. Just like. That is so stunning. I know, I know. Whoa, that's good. But I remember she had a good video on Notion.

It was just really everything she does is obviously really stunning. To the point where it makes me a bit sick, so I kind of can't really go there, but I thought you guys might appreciate. Yeah. That's what I feel like the end of the year is just almost like, oh, that craving that you've had of just like everything wiped and now you're free you're set free and you can start again and it's okay and you're an innocent little baby and no one's angry with you. January 1st is coming. That's that girl. and all through the house, not one person was stressing. Holla differently this year with DoorDash.

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Just here's a reminder coming in right now, nobody's angry at you and it's fine. And also like, the clean slate feeling is an illusion. We have made that up and there is nothing to say that you can't get that feeling of like, I guess what it is, peace and. But it's almost like in that kind of, in the delusions you have to tell,

or the things that you have to make up for yourself, January 1st is the time that- It's kind of a Monday morning. Everyone's doing it for you. It's almost like, oh, the world has confirmed for you. You don't have to just be the one. It's almost like it's easier to go along with what everyone else is saying.

Of like, yeah, fine, I'm free again. What a blank slate is this? I know someone whose birthday is the first of Jan. So do I. I know someone whose birthday is the first of Jan 2000. That's beautiful. That's insane. That's literally beautiful. It's God, you're God. I think you're Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ almighty. Everything from there is AD. It's crazy isn't it? That's absolutely beautiful. Mmm it's nice. Just like that would be so nice to know that every single year is fresh?

New age new year. I don't think I'd want it for myself, but I'd like it almost for my kid I would like it. I like it for somebody I know Thing is it doesn't mean that every single one of your birthdays is going everyone's gonna be on your birthday Which is rubbish things, but it does mean at countdown, you're also counting down to your birthday. Yeah, but no one is counting down to your birthday. But your immediate friends would be for that moment. Yeah, yeah. You would like make it a thing.

Yeah, oh God, it has to be the thing in fact. Oh, go on, what are you gonna say? Is this a good app? Oh, I think it's really good. Okay, good, good, good. I just sort of did a wince of like, this feels bad to me. I know, I was gonna say, what's that? I don't know why. Okay, okay, okay. I don't know why you've done that. Okay, good good good. I just sort of did a wince of like this feels I know I was gonna say what's that I don't know why okay, I don't know why you've done that

Just take it back I think it's really good for just like our slog end of year slog feeling weird slog Honestly fucking slog if I know you guys Harry I now speak directly to you. I know you're feeling weird Like almost all of the time. Yeah. Like actually, if I actually pay attention to what you're saying, it's that things are off and off and there are some struggles and it's just nice

to almost have the validation of like, oh yeah, when it seems like everyone's really, really thriving, they're not always really, really thriving, they're not always really, really thriving. Or they might be thriving and up and down and everything over all at once. And that is what I feel like is the energy of most people. Yeah. Or like, anything you're, any energy you're trying to shift, anything you're trying to leave behind in 2024, that's a good one. But the last time I asked you that we started speaking about horrible things and it all went a bit awry.

So. What horrible things did we speak about? It was then when we were trying to be festive and then there were some tears and it was just. Oh, it's from my grandma. Yeah. I'm not trying to leave that anywhere. That's not.

It's always welcome. Oh no, that comes with it. I'm carrying that. So am I, frankly. I carry that forever. I carry with that with me daily. I don't know what I'm trying to leave though. I definitely feel the fresh start

and I'm not actually trying to leave anything. I think I want to encourage more things. I feel like I'm in quite a positive space really. I don't think there's anything that I'm like, I want to get rid of that. I think I would love to be doing some fun things. Like, I don't't know there were some ideas being floated of things we might do. I think they were actually late

December though weren't they? Oh no they were late Jan, like the refreshers sort of thing. Yeah that's next year. Yeah okay so that's January yeah that's sort of something I would like to do. More live speaking with Wing, like just cool fun things. Yeah, that's good. That's the sort of thing I'm excited to bring in more of. Nice. What about you?

I mean, I don't really have anything to leave. Things to add more. Well, it's funny, because I was actually gonna change the, I was gonna say, actually, no, not things to leave, but what would you like to add more of? And then you literally said, hmm, here's what I'd like to add more of. I was like, God, we are just aligned sometimes, aligned sometimes. We just are yeah. I don't know. It's hard to do 25

days honestly. It is it actually is because I feel like my last point was not even a point like that's kind of un-listenable. What? Oh the thing about adding more stuff. I would like to do this, we're doing something in January and I'm looking forward to that. It's like okay fucking why the hell did you make me listen to that? Fucking boring girl. Okay, well no, no, no. No, no, just objectively not a thing to listen to. So this is about like fresh stuff. Okay, yeah, and what about like almost habits

that you would wanna bring in? So like for example, we spoke about like, okay, what kind of journals we like to use, what kind of calendar we like to use, what kind of calendar we like to use But those sorts of things where it's like low effort maybe Or like it's not deep if you don't do it like nobody's crying about it. Like it's all fine But maybe like just are there any small things that are like, oh I kind of like when I do that or Yeah, i'd like to do that more. I know the exact thing. Perfect

running Whoa Big thing that I do. I have only run twice in Norwich. I've been here like two months, maybe over that two, three months. Still quite a lot I think. I've only run twice here. It used to be like a thing, or like there have been a few periods in my life where that has been like a part of my routine, where I have been running like multiple, like four or five times a week. That's been my evening. Four or five times a week? 100%. Yeah. I am mined through COVID.

We're probably rerunning, I probably went for like a two month period where I'd be running like most days. When does your body rest? Well then I got shin splints both times and had to stop. Whoa! Like I don't, I'm not even, I don't know whether that's good for your body, like I got shin splints both times and had to stop. Whoa Like I don't I'm not even I don't know whether that's good for your body Like I actually don't know if that's necessarily good for your knees I'm mind blown I am mind blown. That's not a thing that I would do like I have not that's not yeah most of the time when I'm running Yeah, be like twice a week. Right. Okay. Yeah, but there have been points in my life That's that's what I picked. I was just like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't

realise how much time we spent running. When, me? Didn't realise how much it meant. No, it doesn't mean that much, but for example, Covid, which is where a lot of people are running, me and my sister would run, I genuinely think it was every single day, every evening we would go for a run. Bloody hell. every single day, every evening we would go for a run. And they're not far, like I did my first 5k this year. Like 5k is, people consider that like, to me that's long, but to people consider that

like a small run essentially, that's like a standard everyday run, whatever, to me that's a big run. And I only did my first one of those this year, and then I did like a few more. But like that is not what my run is basically. I quite like, it really is like my feeling like that I can do that, that that is like something that my body is like in the practice, in the habit of like being active, moving quickly. Just like the sort of like brain fog that gets rid of just feeling like really quick and like fresh in your brain. Spritely, yeah.

Genuinely sprightly. Yeah. That is something that I like to keep as my state, like feeling alive and like someone that like makes, I don't know what it is, being outside and like running. That is just like obviously. It's a very real world activity. It really, really feels like the

best when i felt my best that is something that i am doing all the time and just feeling like that feeling unfit is not a nice feeling for me at all like i really really don't enjoy that feeling of being like i'm walking up stairs and i'm oh my god well last night we walked up about a thousand stairs and we were actually that was probably the worst I've ever felt it in my life. Well do you know what I felt really, that yeah 100% that was, I think it was like big coats and everything. I think it was because it's yeah it's like it's cold and then you come into the heat and you've got too many layers on and you're huffing and puffing up the stairs.

And we were about to walk into a party as well. Oh it was awful. Just like oh my goodness. Where there are dynamics. We just receive information of a second plane absolutely annihilating. Quite a lot going on. But then when I was walking home from the station, it was actually really horrible. It kind of gave me that like nightmare feeling.

You know when you're being chased and you can't run in a dream? Or that you're wading through water in a dream or something like that. Last night I had a really horrible thing. I wasn't being chased or wading through water, don't worry. But I was just walking back from the station, it was like 10 maybe? It was dark and there were a lot of like, stag doing people out on the streets. It was a bit horrible. And I was just walking down a very quiet road but there was a woman in front of me who was like walking so quickly like she was a very small woman. Oh that's me. It wasn't you though because it was a very small woman taking very short steps walking

very quickly. Oh god that is unnerving. I should have been able to keep up with her. I really should have but I had my big coat, I was wearing heavy big boots and I had two bags. Like a big handbag and another bag, and I just felt so way down. And I was like, I really wanna stay close to this woman,

just so that I'm not on this road alone. And I would love to just be like, sort of training behind this woman, at random distance. Yeah, yeah. Being sort of close to another person on this street, it was just very dark and scary. But I couldn't keep, I literally physically couldn't keep up with her. I was like,

this feels like a nightmare. Like she's just getting further and further away. I feel more and more alone. She's just getting faster and faster. She was walking so quickly. What the hell? The quickest, like, short steps. She was so much more happy. What I'm picturing was to shuffle. She's just shuffling. It was sort of like that, yeah. It was like step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step yeah. It was like step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, like that. And I could not keep up with her. And I was like, God, this is actually so weird. Like I'm, it feels like. Trailing behind.

It felt like a nightmare a little bit. Boy, that does sound like a nightmare. But I was like, wait, why can I physically not keep up with this woman? That's horrible. Like I should be able to, but I'm like way down by all this stuff. And she's like weirdly quick

It's the combination of you feeling a little bit slow and her for whatever reason fast so fast Like yeah, you're a fast walker. I keep up with you fine. Yeah, this one was crazy I do drag you around and I do apologize but no, I love it. I just look I'm I'm a short girl but I keep up with these tall girls. She's a short king. I will sometimes be running a little bit but I do it. I definitely go a bit slow when I'm with you. Do you? Thank you that's nice. Yeah. Would you call me a slow walker? No no. Because I wouldn't necessarily think I actually

think I'm quite... I think you're just a reasonable girl. I wouldn't really say I'm fast, but I'm just quite you get what you get from A to B Yeah, anyway, this woman was so fucking speedy and I was literally like this is really scary like please can you slow down? It's not a good time for maybe she was trying to maybe she thought you were a man or something from no No, she was behind you. She definitely didn't like she was like behind me at one point. She overtook me. Oh, Jesus She was the quickest lady i've ever seen. god that is weird. yeah no it was really it was it was an odd style of walking. yeah the shuffling is kind of getting me. it wasn't long strides i wouldn't she i don't know what she'd be capable of if she took bigger strides. if she walked normally then she'd then we'd be in some trouble.

she'd be the fastest woman on the planet. How the hell did that come up? Running. You want to start running a bit more. Yeah I do really. I really, when I ran the other day, I like an evening run. That's my thing and it obviously poses an issue in the winter because I run. When I was running last year a lot, I was running with my friend Gemma and she, she's a god, she's a great runner, but she would come to my house at like 6 p.m., or like 7 p.m., have a cup of tea, lovely, go for a run, have another cup of tea after,

lovely routine. Yeah, really nice. Here, there's no one really to run, like I don't know, people that I've said you're a runner with, they said no. You know, I don't have a running friend here. Would you, when you're on your run are you capable of talking? No, which is why it needs to be someone that I know that well. Also I'm quite unfit at the moment

so I don't want to go with someone that's really good. Right. They need to be matching my level. Yeah and just matching the energy in general. Yeah that would be great and be willing to like, I'm not really into like forced, we're trying to hit a 10K or like, even we're trying to hit a 5K, like I like to run without these weird goals and things like that, I'm not really into that. So I'm quite specific so I get it. So when would you know if you're done,

when would you know this run has reached its conclusion? Honestly, so intuitively, was the second I don't wanna do it anymore. Right. I would just stop. Like I'm really, really, really not into, like I like pushing myself, but I really am not into forcing myself

to do something that I don't feel like doing. I really am not into that. So I completely get that people might not want to run with me because they want to hear a certain thing or whatever. Well, I don't even want to run with you because I don't even want to do it intuitively. I just don't want to do that.

Because then that is intuitive. You don't want to do it. That's fine. Because I will not run if I don't even want to run with you because I don't even want to do it intuitively. I just don't want to do that. No, because then that is intuitive. You don't want to do it. That's fine. Because I will not run if I don't want to. You will not get me running if I don't feel like running. No. But at the moment I do want to. Yeah, good.

All right. Nice. I look forward to hearing more about that. Yeah, thanks. What are you wanting to bring in like habits wise? Um, well, I really haven't thought about it I have to say. That one only came to me last night to be honest. Well this just came to me now

after when you were saying about running it reminded me of in the kind of when you were saying about like I don't like to feel unfair and I do love like last year I think quite a few months I was going to a dance class in Brighton, which was really nice.

And I really love that sort of thing. It makes me feel like I'm in year nine. Doing my GCSEs again, which the set dance girlies unite. And I just, I love that in a kind of, I feel like a child and it's like genuinely fun. Agreed, yeah. And it's not adding to anything like, I can't mark myself on it, I'm not being graded,

I'm not like, do you know what I mean? I'm not. And it's fun. Yeah, there's no strikes against my name, like it's not anything that's making me feel like, oh, there's a pressure to do that or something. Yeah. So that's a fun one in terms of like, in a physical sense. Yeah.

But I also, something I would like, habit I would like to have more, I would just like to be, I'm gonna, so basically, obviously I've been running my mouth about not being such an asshole to myself over the past couple months, I feel like. So I need to kind of, I want to get a bit of a plan in action of just like when I wake up here are a few ideas of things that I'm kind of going to be a bit non-negotiable about because I do want to have some kind of loving commitment to myself in terms of like... That's really nice. Do you know what I mean? I know I feel better when I meditate so non-negotiable When I open my eyes five minutes of meditation

Totally. And it's like that's actually we're not gonna we're not gonna fight about that area in a morality Like you are sitting down in that bed and you're not gonna move a freaking muscle until you've heard that. Hi, I'm Andy Or whatever. You know what I mean? We're not gonna, it's just, it's non-negotiable. Have you seen those things that's like menus that are like, this is your something menu? Maybe we should make one of those on the pod. We should. I saw that probably too late,

probably been a thing for ages. And I saw that last like- It has been a thing for ages. And I've done it before but- I was like, that's so fun. It's really fun. I was like, I like that. I like to design it as a menu as well.

I'll be like, I like the people being like starters, these are like five minute and then dessert being something like play sims. It's like, god that does feel like deserty, like it's like within moderation, do this. But like it's not your main course every day, like you're not gonna feel good if that's like your two hour intimacy or whatever.

Unless you're a little Simsy. 100% Which is up to you if you are, I love you so much. But I can't be Sims every day or I will be in a hole of depression. Sims is a really big deal to me guys. Sims is up there with like- It's huge. It's bigger than, no it's maybe not bigger, but it's that it comes close to a Harry Potter. My biggest, biggest, biggest is Harvest Moon.

And then Sims. Sims is huge huge like Sims is fucking huge. But in terms of like when remember you did we have this conversation on the pod did you announce this you and your sister had this conversation of if you would if you had to get rid of Christmas or Harry Potter what would you get rid of? If you had to get rid of all your memories of Christmas or all your memories of Harry Potter what would you get rid of? It's pretty fucked up. And we both said Christmas.

Christmas, yeah, which I also think just to flag, giving up all of your memories of Harry Potter is the reality of what a lot of people have had to do with the disgustingness of J.K. Rowling and where we find ourselves now, it's just so grim. So I do get the huge taintedness of that. It's not, oh my God, that was so weird. You literally froze like a, what are they called? Weeping angel? I literally thought oh here we go I'm

gonna have to hang out now. I'm gonna jump out on you. It's yeah it's really grim but anyway yeah Sims I wouldn't play every day unfortunately anymore. No there's no way. I actually also don't have the mental capacity but it's crazy to be like I love this thing so much that I will give up the memories of my happiest moments Christmas Like God, it means so much. There's my happiest. Not even I love it so much. It's just I don't know where my Where I begin and Harry Potter's in impact on me ends like I just don't forget who I am beyond that Yeah, I yeah, I don't know what that would be. Like I don't know what the butterfly effect of me not watching that,

but then I also don't know what the butterfly effect of me not loving Christmas would be like. I would be like wanting to throw up with excitement for these things, but like there is no way. Yeah, it's crazy. I remember saying that to my dad that like we were talking about that. By the way, all those presents you bought me. Because he was basically saying like you guys liking Harry Potter is so pathetic. all those presents you bought me. Because he was basically saying like, you guys liking Harry Potter is so pathetic, like he does not get it, like he just thinks it's a load of shit.

Cause we're trying to get our little sister into it, and she's it. And I was like, listen to this, this is how much it means that we both said we would forget Christmas over that. And he was like, well, you're insane then. Like, and he doesn't like Christmas, but he really thought like that is more of a sign of like our derangement rather than like how much we love it.

Okay well how's everyone feeling? I'm feeling good. What is it what's the thing you're saying? Merry Christmas and a happy new year. Yeah. Was the season of chaos and all through the house, not one person was stressing. Holla differently this year with DoorDash. Don't wanna holla do the most? Holla don't.

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