Goes Without Saying - hi

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Xxx after the first 5-10 mins it becomes more bearable I swear. I don’t have any idea on what this should look like or if I find a new name and change the way it looks eventually etc and I’d love to know what you think about all. Just wanted to get back asap. Thank you love you x Well and truly wingin it

Oh my god, shit. I'm actually going to throw up. Oh, God. Oh, God. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. No, I can't. I changed my mind. I can't. But I will. But I can't. I will. Oh, God. Fuck. Fucker. Don't shoot the messenger, guys. Please, God. Okay. God, this is like worse than I thought it was going to be.

And I thought it would be a bit tricky. Hey. Hey, how's it going? My voice is actually shaking. La la la. And it might surprise you. I don't have a structure here. I don't have a plan.

Oh, God, it doesn't feel good, I have to say. It's going to be a lot of deep breaths, which is fine. Nothing we haven't heard before. All right. Elephant in the room. Oh, God. Well, okay. Oh, shit. How do I do this? It's a lot to ask of a girl.

Okay, guys, I don't even want to say it. God, it's really sad. It's just me here. So I'm sorry about that. I really feel the thing of like, you're at Dad's for the weekend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say Mum's gone and you're stuck with me now this is definitely harder than I thought it was going to be

actually um all right where to begin where to begin well um okay let's say that I am here I am here alone

I've missed you so much and I've been gagging to come back for like all year. And this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought I was going to be here like, oh, that's so funny, cracking jokes. It ain't funny.

Oh, this is actually quite horrible. Oh, it's hard. Okay, look. I mean, yeah, all do you want me to say is easy. It's hard. It's not nice. Yeah, I'm on my own. You probably will have seen from Instagram.

maybe, but if you haven't, go and look on our Instagram. I guess I am still here and kicking and screaming. They will take this podcast from me. I don't know. I just can't seem to let you die, unfortunately. I'm ignoring the do not resuscitate. And I am pounding your chest. I'm banging on the door.

I've dusted the microphone off. It was, I don't want to be gross, but it was thick with dust. thick. It wasn't a cheap microphone, guys, and I only got it last year, so I kind of need to get my monies left. So let's do a few episodes and we'll just see. We'll see what happens. I haven't showed my armpits, so God knows what's happening there. I've had bigger fish to fry, to be quite frank. Do I sound quite disturbed?

Does my voice sound insane? What minute are we are? Is this what? 45 minutes? No. Okay. Yeah, I'm here. I'm back. I've been gang. to be back, I'm happy to be back. I don't know, I can't promise you anything. I don't know. I should have made a plan. Yeah, okay, so that much has becoming clear. Definitely, don't come in without a plan. Um, yeah, don't shoot the messenger, guys. I'm so sorry. Um, I don't want to get upset. I would never cry on a podcast, guys, you know me. I'm not an emotional person. I really don't want to get upset, but I feel so bad, guys. I, um, it's going to be tough. It's okay, though. It's all right. It's okay. I have just missed you very much,

and I'm so sorry that it has been silent on here, and we've all just been left for dead. I'm sorry. This is a shame. I thought I could make it quite nice. But it's not feeling very nice for me right now. This is not what I wanted it to be. Like, do I start again or do I just commit? This is the bit that makes me emotional. Oh, God. It would be great to just deliver it like a normal person. What makes me feel, there are so many things that I feel sad about, but I really just want you to know that oh I have to start this again. It's a lot harder than I thought it's going to be. I'm so sorry to be saying this obviously. There's no point breaking and coming back when I'm not crying because I'll just start crying again so we need to just the only way out is through.

Yeah, would never in a million years have wanted this to be the case. Maybe it's not that deep to you and I I hope that that is how you feel. The thing that is making me most upset and emotional and just like the most horrible feeling I've ever felt in my life within reason. I've felt worse things I won't lie to you, but it's very bad. I just don't like the idea of you thinking that, oh God, I hate the idea of you thinking that this like didn't mean anything. Grow up, grow up. It was me to me. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to me. Just grow up. Erin. Erin Emeraldi. I know I felt emotional. I didn't realize I felt this emotional. I can't put you through this. Oh, God.

Ah, this is such a bummer. I thought we were going to have a nice conversation somewhere. I just can't find it. Yeah. I just don't want you to think that this was like something that I just wanted to like let go and leave in the void. I've been dying to get back to the podcast since the end of December since January. The good news is mentally, I've been really well. I've been tracking my mood since September. And I've been really all right, which is nice and that's good news. Just I'm not really feeling very all right right now, but it's okay. This is a bit, it's a different story when you're crying with no one on the other side of the

fucking thing. Like that, it's a different level of tragic. It's one thing to cry on a shared podcast, but just cry. I'm sat in my living room. Blinds are closed because it's fucking boiling and I need to keep the sun out, bleak. There's a lamp on me, you're on a tripod, like, and I'm

crying. Is this what I wanted? Is this what you wanted? Someone did say to me that you're probably hungry for something than nothing. So here's your something. Yeah. me is really like you want a teffin win we've got teffin wing at home there's seffin wing in the freezer

garting garting guys i'm sorry tell me what to say and i'll say it i would say anything tell me what you want me to apart from that i can't say that one thing i can't say just coming back because she ain't but apart from that i would say anything to make this fun and okay this is a i'm just going to be real with you this is a lot worse how four is going to be i'm feeling myself getting a bit more lubed up now i feel like i just needed to get a few little the threat of tears out Would you have called that the threat of tears or do you think that was actually tears? Let me know. I don't know what I'm doing here, guy.

I don't know what this is going to look like. I can't say it's... I don't know. I don't hold my hands up. I don't know. And you also might not know. You might just be here to watch the car crash. You're slowing down on the motorway thinking what on earth is going on with that go over there.

Which is a shame if I don't see you again. Isn't it? You just came to see what was going on and now we're never going to see. and reggae and don't do that to me. But you can go. You're free to leave. I, for some reason, I'm locked in for life. It's me and the mic for life.

What else can I tell you? Yeah, my main thing is, I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I can't imagine this is the face that you wanted to see in solitude. It does feel like, I mean, God forbid, Seth, it was the glue holding us together. It kind of has that vibe of like, you know, when you're in like a group, or let's say there's three friends. You, a friend and a friend. You're friends with both of them, but there's one of them you're actually friends with. The other one is like, you need the glue of the other person, the third person.

And I hope Seffi being our third was not Seffi being our glue. And now it's really awkward between us. But if it is, then please, feel free to go. Oh, I did ask for questions. And I have already cried a little bit looking at them. Oh, God. It's not looking good for me, is it? Okay, look, let's just do some questions. What have you been up to since the last episode?

Well, I've been doing all right. I've been doing okay. As I said, I've been onto medication that's really struggling today, for whatever reason. The tears are making their way through, the barricade of medication that I'm on. But it's been good. I've had a really, I've had such a good year, which is what makes me sad, because I really wish that this could have been a part of it. But alack, I cannot speak anymore.

on it. I am. Is it? Throw away the key. Let's just not even get into it. It started training to hopefully eventually one day be a psychotherapist, which is interesting. I see now that I'm building up quite the digital footprint that might compromise that as a potential option. I don't know. Would you still want me to be a therapist? Would you trust a girl like this, I don't know. I kind of would have a laugh, wouldn't we? I promise I wouldn't cry. I'd actually be all right, I think. And also I got really bad nerve damage. If I've been looking a bit weird, A, it's because I'm so upset. And B, it's because I had an operation on my jaw.

Guys, remember I have got really bad TMJ, but like actually, I know everyone's got really bad TMJ. I'm not invalidating your experience, but I am a little bit. We can talk about this another time but what the freaking hellie I got nerve damage all over essentially all over my face it actually seems okay now. This is me smiling. And there's me laughing. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ooh, it's not my favorite. It's not my favorite experience I've ever had. Went back to the hospital, saw the surgeon. As I walked into the room saw the surgeon. I was like, oh, I wasn't expecting to see you, Mr. just kind of, I don't want to say PTSD because that is real. And this story is just a bit of a joke. really, although it was extremely harrowing and distressing, and it has been traumatic.

But it wasn't PTSD. Not yet, anyway. That hasn't become clear. Let's see how the next few years goes. Let's see the flush facts that I get in a couple of years when I wake up and remember his face over me. The surgeon, if you're interested, look like Jack Whitehall. Doesn't make it any better.

Maybe he even makes it worse. Sat down with him. He said, I hear you've had a scary few weeks. And I immediately sat crying. So unlike me, guys, because I'd never cry, as you know. He was like, you are so, so unlucky. And I was like, okay, girl, anything else useful? And he said, I am so, so sorry.

And I said, Jesus, girl, give me something else. And he said, you're in the 0.2% of people that this happens to. And I thought, amazing, I'll go cry at home about this then. We've been doing all sorts. I've been referred to a plastic surgeon who specialises in nerve damage. I love that this is what we're talking about. I was like, now that Cephy's gone, we can get into the real stuff. I've been traumatised at the hospital, boo-hoo.

I'm actually fine right now, facially. I think I'm, like, this past week, I've been like, I don't know if it's like with everything happening with the pod, I'm like, forget my face. Like, this is a disaster everywhere I look. But last month, this was quite harrowing. I was just in extreme shock. If I was brave enough, I would show you photos.

I like, I ain't that kind of girl. What I will say, if you're not watching the video as well, count yourself lucky, because you're watching me, flip and flap all over the shop. But I will say, and this is kind of crazy. So, well, recently I saw, I think her name's Hannah. Hannah Burner. Is that her name? You might listen to her podcast.

But two of them. Jealous. Greedy. Two people on a podcast. Greedy guts. Why is my podcast only got one? There's two girls on this podcast. I think it's called Gigli Squad. I think.

But I really recognise her face. See her. She's all over the internet. She's thriving. well, she's not thriving anymore because she had massed her to Botox on her jaw. I don't want to like out her, but she is outing herself. She's talking about it publicly. I'm going to put a photo on the screen of what she looks like currently. It's exactly like that. It's exactly like that, except it's not her face. It's mine.

And also before I had seen a video of, do you know, deligracy? If you don't then, okay, you're so normal. You don't look at weird stuff on the internet. If you do, then are you like a loser like me? She used to make really good Sims 3 videos, which I loved, ate them up. Greedy guts. But lack, she posted that she got masked to Botox and her smile looked like Hannah Banners. I'll put a picture here. I hate to use these girls like this.

It's not for comedic effect. This is for scientific educational purposes only. I do have so many photos like this guys in my camera roll. You think I'm sharing them here? Is that what you thought of me? You thought I had that much bollock in me? I don't. I don't.

I am a big fat wimp. I will never. Give me, again, give me some time. This is very fresh for me. But right now, it's fine. But I was having the experience of like, it was very difficult. My main thing was, it was so confronting. It was so difficult to socialise,

especially socializing with people that I don't know that well, or like strangers on the street, like small talk. So difficult because the face that I was pulling, I have described it as grimacing, bearing my teeth, growling. And actually, I think the smile that I was trying to pull with like strangers and stuff, it was like a look of disgust. It was like, it was like, it was pared. And I looked like a rude person.

And if there's anything I don't want to be, perceived as at least, it's a rude person. Where does that leave us? This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting

brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. 18 minutes. All right. So I've optedated you on my nerve damage and the fact that I did some psychotherapy training. I submitted my last assessment on my first course today, not this morning, this afternoon, like a couple of hours before this, because I needed to put the brain elsewhere. And it included a video submission of me acting as a therapist with a volunteer, who was my boyfriend. And again, I don't want to out him. He came home last night and was like, I kind of like this guys. I'm actually enjoying this. Can I, before I tell you about the thing about that, can I just quickly say, growing up, I was an only child, I used to talk to myself all the time, my windows open,

but between me and me, I used to talk to myself all the time. I remember one time my cousin saw me, he like caught me talking to myself. I must have been like seven or something. And I think I was like presenting like, I think I was like presenting like toys or something, like to an audience. I thought I was like a presenter on BBC, not BBC, CBBs. God, I didn't set my size is that high. Also, no, I will not speak on the BBC. I am brand safe. I am a good girl. I've always spoken to myself. I still speak to myself all the time. Therefore, this is where you come in. Anyway, my boyfriend came home from work last night, absolutely knackard and I was like, get on that sofa now. Rollplay time, but not fun role play. You need to pretend that you are anxious about starting a new college course and you're stressed and you've always felt stupid because people compared you to your older brother.

and seen. It was fine. I mean, let's see if we pass. But he also came back. Now I feel like I'm outing him, but he won't mind, I don't think. Well, like, give me this, Jack, because, like, I'm struggling here.

I'm doing this on my own now. I need some sort of material. He came home as, like, so tired from where I'd quite ever kicked off his shoes, like put on his little, I don't want to say pajamas, but like little shorts, like little gym shorts, little T-shirt, he's like, oh. And I sat him down, tripod was out once again.

I was like, are you going to get changed? He was like, why? Who's seeing it? I don't know. Some fucking middle-aged woman somewhere who's going to mark it. He didn't get changed. I had to keep tilting the camera down like, you're showing a lot of thigh. It was a bit Paul Mesca with the skinny shorts.

So I did that, basically. And the other thing that I was going to say, again, going back to talking to myself, I've missed you so much. I framed my life. That feels really sad to say, but it kind of is. I just, I go through my life.

Guys, I spent years thinking, like, week by week, what's the title for next week? And, like, what conversation are we having? And what am I framing it around? I viewed life like that. That hasn't stopped. Like, I still do that. I really wanted to talk to you about the video of Adrian Brody

with the teenage girls. They're not teenage girls. I think they're like in the early twenties. Did you see that? We need to bring it up with you, but alack. I've been out of town, we've been out of office. Basically just,

this is really pathetic. It's really like, Cephy goes away for five minutes. Like, thank God, because I've been meaning to talk to you guys about something very serious. Adrian Brody was seen, caught at the scene of the crime.

There were, like, it's basically a TikTok, young women filming, they stumble upon someone who happens to be, Adrian Brody. I think the thing is that they pretend they don't know who he is. And he's like,

going along with it. Like he thinks, I think, he seems to think, they don't know who he is. If you don't know who he is, you definitely do. Google him, you'll be like, oh, it's that one guy that sort of pops up every few years

when a film comes out. Sort of like this. That's really fucking rude. If you're on the video, do you think that was okay? Or should I cut that? Anyway, what I thought was a big deal was the fact that it's like nighttime

it's dark outside. I'm pretty sure it's in London. Adrian Brody is like, he must be approaching 50. years old. I'm not saying anything other than, is it a bit bizarre to you that he is like stumbling, not stumbling, drunkenly stumbling, no, he's just making his way through the streets of London, I think, with some 20 year old girls who are then filled, and he's like going along with the eating tea cakes with them, dot, dot, dot, dot. Did you think that was weird?

Seems like I thought it was weird. Okay, I asked for questions on Instagram and I kind of cried earlier when I just glanced at them. I'm looking at them again. And yeah, it's going to freaking kill me. Okay, guys. Someone said, what happened? Question mark, question mark. Oh, girl.

I'm sorry, girl. I don't know what to tell you, girl. How do you feel about continuing the podcast alone? I feel so scared. I feel not ready to let it go, if I'm honest. I don't know if I made it clear at the beginning, because I was sort of like dwindling through, like, sniffles. And, like, I definitely wasn't making much sense.

But I feel, obviously, in terms of the podcast, I feel like a huge anxiety, well, not a huge anxiety, but I feel intrigued as to what form this is going to shape. Yeah, that works. I feel aware that what happened with Sethian Wynne can never be recreated, not by me on my own, not by me and anybody else, God forbid. Absolutely not. It is such a, it's its own thing.

I will never not love it. I don't want to get emotional about it. But it's too late. I'm already crying. Just means so much to me. If it meant so much to you, same. Look at us.

We have so much in common. I haven't done my nails, so don't look up close. Yeah. It's a sort of, magical, intangible thing that can never be recreated. And like, I can't imagine you have any expectation that that can be recreated as well. So I'm going into this thinking, this is me on my own with the microphone.

It's definitely not going without saying with Saffian Wing. And I don't know what it is. But I do know that like, oh, I'm Mistre. And I do feel like it would be a bit fun. Like, we could have fun. We could. Couldn't we? I don't know.

I think there's conversations to be heard, guys. But yeah. And I just, I don't want you to die a slow and painful death. I just cannot see it be that way. So, yeah, I've just really missed. I've missed you. And again, I don't know if I made this clear. And this was sort of, no, I definitely didn't.

This is the bit that really gets me. If all the other stuff wasn't getting me, then this does. I'm going to say this without crying. in a very respectable, normal way. We, like, over the course of doing this, and, like, recently, even over the past, like, few months, over the past year that we haven't, like, since this year or whatever, that we haven't been doing it, basically, since the beginning, relatively,

once it became, like, once it got off his feet, once it got some ears on it, um, oh, it's going to make me cry. Oh, God, this is tough. Yikes. Yautch, this hurts. Yeah, we've had, God, I just, I don't know if I ever, oh, this is a kicker. I don't know if I ever really actually thought that I could do something, be a part of something that has made people feel as like seen and understood and connected as I know that this podcast has. Like, you maybe know other people who listen.

You probably don't. That's fine. You might have seen like people comment or whatever and you think, oh, like they like this podcast. whatever, just like the level of things that people have said about the podcast, like being able to just mean something to them or be there for them in a particular point, that means too much to me to let go of, to be honest. And I can't offer you exactly what I want to offer you. But there's this.

There's me, I'm here. So it might be interesting. I don't know. If it's not that deep to you, then you might swing by in a couple of episodes or not. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't have a freaking Scooby, guys, what's going on? But yeah, if you're hungry for something and not nothing,

I think I might be making something. So there's definitely something being prepped in the kitchen. Yeah. I can't even remember what the question was. This is disgusting. My phone's actually wet from where it's just been sat on my leg from sweat. That's what I was trying to say. From sweat.

Yikeroonis. How long is this then? Is that it? Fuck me. 29 minutes. Well, maybe I shouldn't go on for too much longer. All right. All right.

Let's be quick. All right. Missed you so much. Thanks. I love you. Thank you. How do you survive after graduating? You think I would know?

I don't. Favorite Reads this year, I was considering recording an episode on that. Would you want to hear that? I don't know. Like, if anyone's still here, let me know, like, what are we going to talk about next, I guess? Honestly, like, I don't, it's really hard to, like, navigate. I don't want you to be worried about me because I'm actually fine. But I do want you to know that I value your reassurance and validation.

and that this is actually quite, well, I'm not making it look easy, I'm sure, but surprise, it's actually quite tough for me. More so in the sense that I just love this thing so much. And I want to do this in honour of it, not like in spite of it. Like, Cepheon Wing is, like, no matter what, it's such a special thing. Oh, don't be sad, guys. Okay. People are asking for a catch-up, so I hope that was, there's something in there, no.

Love you, Wing. Love you. I really do. Like, and maybe I'm a fool for caring so much. Sorry. Do you see that? That's my heart on my sleeve, and it's yours. Over to you now.

Look, let's just see what happens. How are you? Has much changed? What's been the theme of your year so far? actually don't fucking know. That's a really good question. You know what, a bit of a theme for it for my year. A thing I have been thinking is stop trying to put everything on a theme. That's not an attack on you. Because I'm right there with you. But a theme of my year has been themeless, just indescribable. Just absolutely nonsensical, absurd, doesn't mean anything. There is no clarity to be found.

Like, I think I'm some, I find it quite difficult to not have clarity on things. And I like being able to sort of, you know, categorize. I like being able to compartmentalize everything of like, that's the time when I was really struggling with my mental health. And this is the time where I was just like being spontaneous. And this is the time where blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, actually is always a big fat mess of everything. So maybe that's the theme.

It's just like, very messy and bizarre, but like, fine. What about you? Not much you. I might leave that there, guys, and then come back. I'm going to keep using them. I'm going to keep referring to these. It's my Bible. This is my scripture.

I just, I mean, yeah, if anyone's here and still here, like, just all feels very real. Yeah, I just, I want to, I'm going to just basically not let the space die for now. Who knows how this goes? But that's where I'm at. Love you. I hope you're well. I'm sorry that we haven't been uploading. I hope that this finds you well.

I hope that this finds you at the right time. Maybe we can align somehow. Yeah, I can't really say much more, guys, but I'm sorry. I love you. Thank you so much. And we'll just see what happens. I'm not going to be, you know, goes without saying blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know what this is going to look like.

I imagine if I keep doing this, like, it's like, what am I going to have to to change what it looks like and stuff after a while. I don't know. It's like what, Seffi just haunts the cover art. Sophie's just haunting the spades. Spooky girl. Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying my best, okay?

That was me trying my absolute hardest. If it wasn't very impressive, then I'm so sorry. That's the best I've got for now. Is there anything else I can tell you? Oh, just quickly before we go, got so into the World Cup. like crazy. I almost don't want to speak about it because it means so much to me all of a sudden. You know, and it's almost like, well, there aren't words to justify it so I cannot even speak on it. I cannot speak. I cannot begin to explain. I just, one thing I will say is I feel awful for them boys.

Oh boy. Oh boy. I feel bad for them. That is tough. It's cruel. Football is a cruel mistress. That's what they say. Fun fact, I actually have Esri concert. I have to go. All right. Bye. Love you so much. Thank you. There's no outro. It's just me. There's me smiling. Nerve damage. Smiling. Not crying anymore. Bye. It's going to be a tough one to listen back.