Goes Without Saying - how to be alone: your silly little healing phase

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

tell me you’re in isolation and not coping without actually telling me you’re… sephy & wing unpack narratives of independence and loneliness in this episode of Goes Without Saying, reflecting on their mental health, friendships, and patterns of overthinking. niche early 2000s horror stories included.join the conversation every monday.come and chat in our book club!speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/zuPH7gyeGp Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying, you're listening to another episode of Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. And how do I begin to describe this episode? We are talking very emotionally for some reason. It's very raw. No one asked for this. But it's a very personal and just feels very open, very real episode on loneliness isolation fucking insanity it feels like i actually really enjoyed this episode i think it's a nice one i think it's our weirdest one yet oh that's

a bold claim it's all over the place i think this one well it's yeah you're not walking into a neat conversation here there's no it's a big mess but don't worry about cleaning it up just enjoy it just enjoy the ride see you at the end hopefully god where to start god okay um we're in a bit of a weird mood i think we've probably just been talking for about three hours maybe three hours jesus we've gone so we've gone around the block with topics chris evans miscarriages covid i'm in love with chris evans i think i am too now after seeing one photo honestly you know what it is i knew everyone would really i know everyone loves him do they know everyone loves him and it's exactly everyone loves him it's like a joke i never hear him discussed how much everyone loves him well for

me it was like, I read about the troll and thought that I could handle it. Yeah. I knew everyone loved him. And still, I dared click on funny moments part 15. Let's go. Let's see where this goes. I knew what I was walking into. I'm a fucking dumb bitch whore.

I've never seen anything of him other than a photo you just showed me with him with a beard and I'm in. Don't go there, honestly. It's not worth it. Do you know what I did love from him when you made me watch knives out didn't make me we watched knives out together and he was wearing like a knitted jumper yeah i did like that well this is a joke that you don't know about the jumper is like a whole meme is it okay well that sold me yeah people love it well i love it too I'm glad that's a meme. Well, you can see why. It really was.

I read about the troll and thought that I could handle it. If it wasn't for me getting a fucking grip, I'd probably be dead. But it's too much. Probably be dead. Probably be dead. It's like minus points to Gryffindor. Like, get this bitch out of here.

Yeah. So embarrassing. Interesting topic today. And the topic is Chrisris evans are we just going to go straight in or do you want to talk um i don't really want to talk on this podcast at all i think we've been talking for a long time but do you have anything to fill in when he's not ill anymore no i'm not ill anymore but i reckon stephy's we've done a bit of a it's a man down switcheroo moment where she's handing handing the baton of COVID to me.

Yeah, over to you. Worst relay ever. I don't know if I do. I've literally done three negative tests, but my nose is running like nobody's business. So I'm thinking that is apparently a symptom of Omicron. How do you say it? Omicron.

It's the Omicron. Omicron. I would say Omicron. Yeah. Omicron. I'm making it cute. Omicron. Either way, it's about to ruin your life for the next week i hope not but i really really hope not i really hope not as well because i just don't know where i got it from but fuck knows the world it's just

everywhere these days but yeah exactly i think that sets up nicely where we are i guess so the topic i guess is alone being alone independent all this if I realized that I forgot to put a question box on the story which wing said no one will notice but not now how would they know how would they know it's like well now they would know it's not even a big thing we usually do like questions and then we do a question box and we can feed in with your answers luckily loads of people have dm'd but I just went to go look through oh so what did they all say what's the episode going to be based on i was like fuck you i do feel a bit like we're going in a bit blind almost because normally you kind of

record and you like know i know who i'm talking to it's like you said a funny thing you were like you know that they all say oh it's privilege privilege and we say we're not going to talk about privilege in this episode like that sort of thing like we know what everyone's talking about we know the angles where everyone's coming from and i do feel a bit we need the general consensus on independence yeah today we don't it's like i've been reading the youtube comments and today the comments were disabled that's exactly how i feel yeah so now it's just purely what we think but we have the polls we have the polls that we did and also a lot of dms and you did a lovely little swiping thing yeah quite cute that i like that yeah how soon do you get to you need alone

time like to one at 10 minutes to just like leave me alone forever so how soon do you need because i kind of think i kind of think for me i love i really do love being around like people that i love and people that i'm comfortable with really gives me life like it makes me feel really really good and like fulfilled in a kind of different way but i am very i'm a very kind of i'm a real solitaire artist like i and i think the pandemic showed me that i could be on my own for like a long time before I started itching to see people really, if ever. In a nice way though, like I love people. I really do. But I almost think, I think it's just a bigger issue for me.

Okay, go on. I've not really explored this thought, so please bear with me. Let's go into the big issue i think i isn't i don't really have the habit of like i'm not really in it's not a habit that i've ever had where i i don't know if i was like this like in childhood i can't think that far back but i don't really i'm not the best person for like making a plan or like initiating seeing someone i'm not good at that i agree do you see that for me or are you saying that you agree for yourself as well well i see it i see it for you and i see it for me yeah which is brilliant which is great because i love you i love you more than anything in the world i want you with me at all times but putting putting things into initiation is quite hard for me i think it just doesn't come naturally to me i think it's

a really common new year's resolution to be like i'm gonna try and reach out to people more make more of an effort i've always thought that like i'm so the person that everyone's like we're going to the pub and i'm like okay i'm coming but i'm never like guys shall we go to the pub on thursday i'm never so the organizer of plans but what stops you from doing that because i think i get a bit embarrassed yeah i almost feel like i think i'm i can't make a plan yeah no one's gonna want to come i can't tell you guys where to go yeah it's embarrassing it's like what if they don't want to do that yeah like I don't want to be like oh let's go for dinner here it's like what if that's the worst idea they've ever heard and also I never yeah it's just

embarrassing it's it's kind of um how dare I assert their Thursday night for them yeah how how dare I demand your time yeah it's embarrassing ridiculous it's not it's ridiculous because it's not a demand it's a question it's like how dare you not reply to their texts asking that they want to see you that's more of the problem it's just like get some fucking confidence like yeah like what is that what's wrong with you but i think it's not that i don't want to spend time with people or that i just love my alone time and blah blah i do love my alone time and sometimes i don't want to spend time with people or that I just love my alone time and blah blah blah I do love my alone time and sometimes I don't want to spend time with people those things are true but I think it's more so just about I have a problem with not seeing myself as the person who makes

the plan I think it's just habit yeah totally it's the habit of I don't even think mine is um oh I think they don't want to hang out with me because I kind of think actually they probably do I just more think I just forget 100% yeah before I know it the weekend has rolled around and fuck I haven't texted anyone I'm going to whatever blah blah blah the weekends start coming and they don't stop coming I think I'm just passive with making plans yeah I am as well unless I really want to do a specific thing of like I want to go to this exhibition when it's only open for this amount of time or like cinemas i want to go opening night to a film that i want to see that's true so basically we're fucking losers but i am not um things that aren't time sensitive i'm not particularly like guys should we all go here yeah isn't that weird though yeah it's really actually

quite bad i think because life would be nicer if you could just be more fluid with your like time and just be like guys do you want to do this or like do you fancy going for a coffee even just casual things you want to go for a walk yeah but i just forget i think i genuinely forget that i have friends until they text me no you don't because you do you think of your friends often think of them but i kind of forget that i'm supposed to see them you forget that you can see them yeah i agree yeah it's like oh wait i have access to that person yeah that's amazing i think that's why i like living with friends yeah because i can't forget because i forget and then i walk out my room like oh my god it's like oh i'm at sarah's room what the hell hi sarah you live here too when did you get here yeah that's true i think that is i

really like that and that's something that i think that's why uni is so romanticized as well because you live with your friends and it's like you're always with people it's right there for you so what would happen if you were alone for a year um as in has the human race been wiped out and i'm kind of the only person on earth situation no but maybe it's like a sort of kind of isolating thing no one said oh do you want to meet up and blah blah blah and just you've been living right on your own sorry to break it to you yeah i don't think i'm doing well i don't think i was gonna say like we see you at the beginning and we see you after that year has passed what are you looking like i've grown a beard down to my ankles like evan almighty

it's kind of your tim allen in santa claus i mean i don't know what i would do i mean i don't think i don't think my mental health is thriving after a year of not seeing anyone and everyone's just forgot about me for some reason i can't contact anyone i'm like where's my mum my mum hasn't phoned me in a year but i think i could god that would be horrific i mean i definitely wouldn't be doing well i don't know i think i could easily like not easily like i would be a mess but i think i don't identify that it's isolation that's fucking me over do you know what i mean really yeah like i don't i think a lot of people are really good at being like everyone's gonna i think a lot of people are really good at being like i need to get myself out and see this person or like they can see

when they're doing the whole hermit thing and i don't do that yeah i just keep living it and i'm like oh shit before i know it i'm really really depressed i think because i have very i'm obviously i'm i i have i have a lot of mental issues anyway who doesn't that by the time i'm in it i i do by the time i'm in it i'm like oh it's already i've lost my grip basically totally and then i can't get myself out of it it's almost if you are on the train to like a breakdown yeah and you miss the step where you identify like loneliness exactly your sims bar of human connection is quite low social bar is low if you don't realize that you're gonna think oh it's i'm depressed i'm a fucking useless person

it's like you missed the step where you're supposed to identify that you're going to think, oh, it's I'm depressed. I'm a fucking useless person. It's like you missed the step where you're supposed to identify that you're feeling lonely. Maybe you are, but also, yeah. It can be a quick fix. There are all these things that can make you feel better. Like literally talking to someone. It is crazy when you realise like when you've been in one of those bits where you're feeling really isolated and then you do reach out to someone, just speak to someone for even 20 minutes and you're like, fucking hell, you idiot.

That's all you needed because it's the perspective i think i forget that people care about me i don't even forget it's like i find it hard to believe do you know what i mean oh really no i don't find it hard to believe but i think i'm so i can get so forgetful yeah that's true yeah yeah what are you like so forgetful she forgets that people care about her god why do you find it hard to believe because i think i can't comprehend that i exist in other people's lives yeah and so a couple of months ago i had quite a severe um moment of being so depressed and like so life is pointless we were saying pointless pointless pointless the show with um why did the name anthony ray moss comes to me the star of in the heights

his name is richard osmond was the name i'm supposed to say oh my god clearly i'm just thinking about in the heights that i want to watch what the fuck have you seen in the heights i haven't seen it have you never never never never in my life um there's some drilling by the way i'm so sorry we're just i think it's just on with the show the show must go on yeah yeah well i was i had i mean you know because the episode stopped and whatever and blah blah blah i felt really bad and honestly like people like one of my friends in particular probably has no idea what like how impactful it was to just have her i don't want to get upset but like every so often be like i'm thinking about you and i just hope you're okay and you don't have to reply and blah blah and it was

really like god i felt awful because i know that i'm i know that i'm making you worried and i don't want you to worry i don't want you to be thinking do I mean I don't want you to be to me waste it feels like you're wasting your time thinking about me but just the the idea that someone cares about you and they do they don't care about it's just so like oh god it really I don't think I'd I don't think i understood that yeah i think it is only in times like that where you would feel so like worthless in yourself that then someone say the least comes in and says like by the way i'm i'm thinking of you that it's like oh god and like really think she would she would like message my boyfriend and be like like if i didn't reply she would mess my boyfriend be like is she alive like is she okay like that is god you were dedicated to like your well-being

i know i was on your mind yeah which is i'm so sorry because what a waste of your mind's energy but like because my boyfriend would always say you know that it's like what would i do for my friends so i know i would be thinking i know I am thinking of them and ready to do whatever, but it's so weird to have it done back to you. It just feels like, what? Huh? I don't know. She's being showed that you're valuable.

It's so weird. It's so, that really made a difference. My mind is doing everything to convince me that. She's doing like a fake scream, but it doesn't really translate on the podcast she's basically would be making the noise of kind of a velociraptor that's the kind of pose she's doing it's just my mind is doing everything to convince me that i don't need to be here there's gonna be no impact let it out let it out let it out let it out oh no don't because now i'm gonna go oh wing that's so funny it's not funny at all it's like what is this day that we're having together i know it's been three hours of shit now oh my god sorry do you know what it's like

when we when we don't get straight into the episode it's like someone's gonna cry for sure how weird is that i didn't think i was gonna cry i wouldn't be surprised i mean you did just say that is so true i honestly wouldn't be surprised like look at you i wouldn't be surprised no no should we stop no no there's nothing more to be said let me just not make this a unpleasant listening experience and just pull myself back together no no honestly not the not the priority right now no no but i think it's more so like i'm not trying to say anything crazy i just think i think it's just crazy what the mind can do and it's kind of what i was saying in the last episode of like get a grip and when someone else around you can help you, I just think when you've lost perspective,

it's so important to have or like, how amazing is it that you probably have someone? I just think it's the best way to get perspective back. Because a third party can often see things, obviously, even if you don't think it's a clearer way or a more real way, it's a different way to how you're seeing it and you're probably not seeing it very well. Do you know what it is? It's kind of the kinder way.

Exactly, yeah. It's if how cruel can you be to yourself? Someone coming in with just basic empathy and just being like, how are you? I hope you're doing okay. When you're wishing kind of death and doom forever upon yourself someone coming in and being like i hope you're feeling good it can be revolutionary and also that's the reality people are wishing you well people aren't wishing shit what's wrong with me not literally nothing it is it should genuinely should do you want to take a break

no i just need to pull myself back no no but you don't even though i kind of just wish i could make you a cup of tea this way it fucking hates you i haven't been outside in ages guys i've been outside one time this year i've been isolating this is what happens to a person when they have COVID, I guess. I just go a bit crazy. It's fine. It's not crazy, though, is it? It's just kind of...

And I'm crying with, like, oh, happiness. Sorry. Sorry, guys. So sorry about that. Don't you dare apologise. No, no, no. You know they'll come for you. Sorry.

It's like, you click on a little podcast. Oh, loneliness. Let me click on this. Whatever it's going to say. And it's like, God, this guy's... She's sniffing away in my ear holes what the fuck no sorry sorry everyone everyone's shouting at you now i'm sweating oof all right it's fine sorry guys this i do wish i could get you a little like bourbon biscuit cup of tea right now i would love one fuck zoom i would love one

fuck covid fuck wish I was there. Fuck COVID. Anyway, so what about you? Sorry about that. No. No, no, but just between us, sorry about that. No. Are you joking?

Not what you're saying. I was, we've been having such a good, we were having such a good chat. We're still having a good time. It's just, look, life. I think it's because I've really enjoyed our conversation. And I'm just feeling really like, I don know like open open and emotional yeah i feel open i feel open good look give it 10 minutes i'll be quiet okay anyway loneliness can you can you talk about oh so independence independence would you say independence is like a quality like you would because one of the things we wrote in the story was like is it important for you to be considered as independent because

i almost feel like for women it's really important that women feel like they're seen as independent yeah i definitely i really feel that energy from what people say and i i grew up as an only child so i feel like i was told a lot that i was independent because i was really independent and like i've always been pre-independent so i feel like because i've been so independent that's fine but i've also because i've been so isolate myself i've never worried about independence it's not a word that you would do you would you say in identifies like independent as like you're an independent person it wouldn't come to mind but i would say yeah i'm an independent like do you know i mean it's not like if i could have five or three traits or whatever i'm not immediate it's not the one that's important

to me do you know i mean it's one of those things that's thrown around like she's an independent woman she's an independent woman yeah She's an independent woman. Yeah. I think it's been more important for me to learn to not always put the emphasis on independence. I think that's more my angle. Totally. Seeing the, what's the word? The goodness, that wasn't the word I was thinking,

of dependency, of being dependent on other people and allowing people in. Yeah. Relationships. But I do think at the same time, if someone said oh she's not very independent i would be like what the fuck i'd be pissed off triggered yeah very good but i guess i mean you could say anything to me and i'd be triggered i guess yeah

doesn't take a lot i definitely would be like oh it would sting it's not nice well it's the opposite is she's dependent it's like on who give me names exactly yeah the insinuation that you're not a self-sufficient being you're not fully fledged on your own you you're leaning on other people right but i also think i don't expect anyone to always be self-sufficient to be honest i just don't so i don't ever want to expect that of myself i don't really expect anyone could you imagine being like how on earth these weird beings placed on this weird earth and it's like yeah just get on with it it's like well none of us know what we're fucking doing i haven't got a fucking i haven't got the foggiest no it's not got a skeevy no i literally thought yeah i just find independence a funny thing that women are seem to be encouraged to

be independent or like it's glamorized for a woman to be independent like she's an independent woman or yeah definitely a gendered thing i don't know like a bad bitch vibe she's independent it's a bit like what is this she's a girl boss she's a girl boss i have a lot of girl bossing going around these days yeah we're not getting into it there is yeah no let's not get into it you can imagine our thoughts you can just imagine them if you're ever confused about what sephi and win think about a topic just imagine it just make it up and that would be better than what we could ever give you honestly just make it up that's probably easy for everyone well it makes more sense to do it that way because then it's perfectly tailored to you and what you think rather than us coming out and saying

whatever and you disagree with us and the illusion is broken and everything's wrong. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals.

Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find a field

guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. to gay animals on spotify apple or wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com okay i have a question for you what kind of a point of discussion because i think we have always kind of thought about this and like had a million different opinions in one and i'm just curious to see or just to hear about where your thoughts are at now because i'm sure our thoughts have developed as always but also i mean it's never been black and white but i remember there was a part of us or there was i still think there's

this is partly true that if you have to be busy all the time or if you have to be distracted all the time or if you have to be seeing people all the time and you can't be left alone with your own thoughts and just in your own company what are you having to distract yourself from yeah is that kind of pointing to some sort of problem but then then I also think on the other side, you can have a similar situation where too much time being introspective and alone... Is not good for you. Is maybe not good for you, yeah. If it's not just like, you know,

you need to do a bit of reflecting every now and then. It's like, God, if I'm spending all of my days questioning my existence, not going to make you feel good, is it? It's not great. You just live for your journal. So kind of what's the balance there? Or like, what are your thoughts on that? that that sort of that's kind of my question

i think it changes depending on like what i'm kind of as in my thoughts on that question depend more on my time of period of my own life and kind of the periods of lives that i'm witnessing at that time and kind of my relationships and i do think right now i've almost circled back round to if you cannot be alone for if you're one of those people that's just like red flag red flag red flag yeah honestly if you can't be alone like if you have an issue with aloneness which by the look of our polls not many people did because there was the first question was do you like spending time alone? Everyone was like, I think it was like thousands of people said yes.

So I think people do generally like spending time alone. But I do know a few people that I assume if I asked them, because I've had conversations with people before where I've said, like, do you like being alone? Like, what's your relationship with like spending time by yourself? And they said, like, I hate it. Like, I really struggle with being alone. And they said, like, I hate it. Like, I really struggle with being alone. And I do think that does sound more dangerous, perhaps, than the people that would struggle with socialising more and be like, oh, yeah, no, I...

If you reverse it, I would rather struggle, like, oh, God, I spend too much time alone than I don't spend enough time alone. What are your... Would you ever, like, go on holiday on your own? 100%. Same. what are you would you ever would you ever like go on holiday on your own 100 percent same if it wasn't for my overdraft won my bank if it wasn't for my fucking debt and also the fact that the only time i've ever seen that happen is in like the movie taken and it doesn't end well for her that's true no she goes with her mate no she does go with her mate but like the only times you hear like a woman solo kind of traveler but like doesn't usually end well a woman traveling

alone got you got you yeah i i think even like i went to the cinema on my own um to see june oh yeah and it was one of the fucking nicest experiences i've had in so long yeah just that experience of going in on your own in the middle of a fucking Tuesday and being like fuck you bitches judge me if you won no one's judging at all I'm judging me and I'm just like I'm doing this and I just thought it was so nice did have one weird experience in there though did you I wonder if you think this is weird um I went up to the bar it's quite fancy um cinema and i went up to the bar and i was like hey can i get a gin and tonic please god you're going all out i was going to go all out and they

said oh an ice cream and i was like no no a gin and tonic and they were like drink they literally he literally looked at me like i was insane he was like yeah a gin and tonic ice cream and i was like no just a gin and tonic and it was just weird that it was it seemed more normal to ask for a gin and tonic ice cream imagine if i'd gone and said can i get a gin and tonic ice cream it would be insane like you're in boho gelato literally can i get a gin and tonic ice cream please it's like no we don't do that do you mean a gin and tonic oh do they specialize in alcoholic ice cream it's a bit niche yeah i have no idea i was so confused because then i asked the woman next to him and she was like yeah here you go oh you had to ask

a different he really didn't know what you were talking about he was like a gin do you mean a gin and tonic ice cream i was like i literally mean gin and tonic he was so confused that he couldn't serve you he just surrendered and was like look my colleague's gonna have to take over so that was a bit weird i can't deal with this he's like is there a manager in today what the hell at a bar like i could see all the alcohol behind him i could literally see like bottles of gin and he was like do you mean ice cream it's like no i don't mean i've literally said like four times now like no no just just the drink maybe he thought the whole ice cream shop is a bit of your brand he thought here's his his sephie from sephie and we she's gonna come he's like sephie yeah you want ice cream don't you i know ice cream ice cream honestly so crazy

but i so that was a bit weird that is kind of weird yeah it was super weird and it was a bit of a gaslighting situation because i was on my own gaslighting gaslit at the cinema it was in like i was gaslighting myself as i knew society would gaslight me i was like maybe i should have got the ice cream don't kill me oh it's too good like maybe it is weird to ask for gin and tonic and not a gin and tonic ice cream well the thing is it is kind of weird i do remember like i feel like alcohol at the cinema isn't isn't it's not like a no no that's not normal it wasn't like an odeian or cine world it's like an old like it's a ramen coke kind of place but it's a cool a lot of nice cinemas yeah exactly do that sort of thing it yeah it wasn't me going into the cine world and saying can i get but it's weird to

be working there he's kind of like am i at a cinema he's like do i work here but yeah it wasn't me going into a city one of me like can i get a sweet popcorn and a gin and tonic please can i get a lobster yeah you misread the room it wasn't that i'll get some harry bow and um your finest um oysters from the fresh from the sea strange no that is weird that's a nice experience to have on your own though it was so nice and i was really thinking like god i need to do more things like that on my own yeah because the only thing that stops you one is the bank balance two is embarrassment and fear of getting murdered obviously yeah just a few things a few things working against us by a man that tells you to get gin and tonic against all odds she made it out of

the cinema and had a great time it was scary though like they were only like because it's like the middle of the day well it was like i don't know 3 p.m like middle of the afternoon at the cinema like who else is in there it was like kind of just like two other men sitting separately it's a bit like oh you're at risk i'm kind of in this like basementy vibe with these men drinking my gin and tonic ice cream but you know what it is it's any situation becomes weird if it becomes internal which is why the like too much time thinking about your existence is dangerous oh my god it's so dangerous that you you could be at the cinema you may as well be in a padded room like you it's your mind it will go anywhere but i do then in the padded room i do want the tv that is playing Timothee Chalamet movies.

Oh my god. He's great in it, isn't he? He is so stunning in that film. I've never thought he would... It's the most stunning I've ever seen. Yeah, you've never seen it. You've never, like, seen the appeal of him. I respect it.

But you know what it was? I read about the trouble and thought that I could handle it. It's another one that I knew about and I saw it for everyone else i thought that's not gonna hit me it hits and it still hasn't really hit me it hasn't hit me thank god there's the last thing i need yeah no no the last thing you need is to be hit by the love for timothy he's falling in with fucking timothy fucking shall i boring like no thank you i can't do that he is so attractive i literally don't have the capacity but yeah he is stunning. He is so beautiful. I almost feel like he's my son.

Oh, no, I don't feel son energy towards him. That's good. He is so hot. I'd be worried if you did, yeah. It would be ringing some alarm bells if I did. He is so hot. Hot. He is so hot, Timothy.

Parents' evening. I know what you're gonna say you're gonna say he is so took the words right out of my mouth elephant in the room he is my son is so hot and i know you're all thinking it oh my god it's a beautiful film it's quite an intense film to see on your own it was and i really wished i had brought some snacks to be honest because all i had was my gin and tonic did you not you wish you had that ice cream i really wish i did because i i was so hungry in there i was like the one flaw in this plan is food is the lack of like food here and it was that kind of cinema as well where it'd be like five thousand pounds for like one bit of popcorn i mean what would you expect yeah so it wasn't really foodable situation there to be honest um do you would you go on holiday on your own oh my god a thousand percent

would you go on holiday with me maybe maybe to paris 100 take me away wherever you want to go i'd love to go with you i'm there i really want to go to paris it's my next um place i know same and i'm going with you in my mind me too well let's go could you picture yourself living anywhere else like like in a different country would you move to another country like completely if you didn't know anyone there and you you know it's from scraps you're starting from absolute scrappy dudes yes and i have a few places in mind oh okay go on you used to have a big thing about moving to japan when i was younger yeah and i was like learning japanese like i really wanted to live in japan yeah still would love to live in japan um but i decided to go on like a three-week holiday instead um to get a

taste for the place just trying it out for size suss out the vibes yeah fits perfectly fits like a glove honestly it's like a mugging glove um but i do have a weird idea that i'm gonna live in new zealand oh that's lovely i really have an idea that i'm going to move to new zealand and i kind of have the idea that i'm going to do it like for a man oh my god no it's really not what i want for myself why i've always kind of had this image of i'm accidentally going to fall in love with like a man from new zealand i mean i can see it happening and it's going to fuck everything because i don't know anyone in new zealand it's um taika waititi and i'm dating taika me me him and rita aura you're in a little three relationship with rita what's the other one tessa thompson and tessa thompson god you're in a

four-way relationship all for taika well he's got a sweet deal there i think i've got quite a sweet deal there me taika i mean rita aura tessa thompson i think i've got a sweet deal everyone's stunning everyone involved is stunning so true but i really have an idea of moving to new zealand and i really have always thought like god it's really gonna fuck up my like whole family dynamic and all this stuff like when i like who is this guy that's gonna whisk me away to new zealand like would he not move for me whisk you away maybe i wonder how you meet him i don't know like i've always kind of had a weird thought about that and it's not something i would want it's not like oh i fantasize about a man having to move to new zealand because

of a man that's my kind of my worst nightmare nightmare but maybe that's why it's gonna happen I know exactly do you have any kind of do you have any fantasies where you think you're gonna move somewhere what is this combo I kind of I'm I'm just I feel like I'm just open to anywhere really I'm not tied to anywhere I feel like nothing's permanent like it's all good like there's a big planet here I would love to see more of it although I mean the way it anywhere. I feel like nothing's permanent. Like it's all good. Like there's a big planet here. I would love to see more of it. Although, I mean, the way it's going, I think it might combust in the next few years. So I don't know if I'm going to have time.

Yeah. One other place. Go on. Because just on the topic of the combustion of the planet, I was thinking the other day, I need to see Athens before this planet bursts open. Bursts open! Into a million smithereens.

Don't look up. Have you seen Don't Look Up? I've seen Don't Look Up. Timmy, of course I've seen it. Did we speak about it? No, I didn't like it. You didn't like Don't Look Up? No, not at all. Really? I was teetering on the edge of liking it by the credits. I was like, I'm not sure whether

that's going to stand stand the test of time in my head yeah whether i'm going to remember that but then the post-credit scene spoilers yeah spoilers skip ahead two minutes of like the birds and shit i was like that tipped me over the edge i hated it i was like that ruined it for me but it's it's adam mckay right do you not like him no i i do he's involved in succession I love him you do like him oh I really was like all in for loving it it's got everything going for it other than Leonardo DiCaprio so what didn't you like about it I thought it was like spoofy and like too spoofy yeah I really really really like Jonah Hill he's so good yeah he's great and I watched this thing

about him improvising that moment where he's like i'm gonna do a prayer to stuff to rolex rolex's thanks for dressing up yeah great i mean it just didn't hit me i thought jennifer lawrence was amazing in it so stunning so beyond stunning it just felt like timmy was shot his bit it was like he was shot in one day like anyone could have done that it's just like get people in for this i just didn't love it but as i said i was teetering on the edge by the end i was like maybe i'll like it tomorrow maybe i'll wake up and be like no it wasn't for me yeah i needed to digest it the marvel post-credits style vibe three i agree i agree i just thought well you've just done it for me i've decided no from that fair enough um so the planet's gonna combust and you need to see athens i need

to see athens why what is this podcast i'm so sorry for your ears i don't know i'm sorry i need to see athens because when i was walking around the british museum i was just waiting for someone to come up to me and ask me like what's your name so i could say oh my name is persephone and i'm from athens i belong here i belong among these marble statues of goddesses oh my god so i was just thinking like i've always been obsessed with athens because i was told from a young age your name is persephone you're a greek goddess blah blah blah so i would quite like to go isn't it interesting to think about like the things that we say like might come up in our lives but not like tied to i think that's really interesting it's the midnight library thing of you've you've got some

alternate options here yeah paths yeah but more so what i was asking for is like would you do that if you knew no one and you knew like no one's knocking on your door and making sure you've seen people not just like what man are you gonna meet that's gonna make you move to new zealand yeah that wasn't really what i was going for that i love where we went take her with tc but like okay here's why i bring this up it's because i think there's some sort of conception there's some sort of misconception there's some sort of misguided consensus that you're supposed to be able to pick yourself up and drop yourself off wherever and you'll just be fine and like you're not gonna you don't need anyone and like you can you know make friends wherever and like people whatever like you just do things for you and blah blah blah and i feel like to deny

the reality for most people that we rely on safety and security and friendship and love from other people to deny that is so naive and just does us all a big disservice because it it just basically and it also forces you then into being like are you super brave and like oh my god she's just crazy like she just abandoned her life yeah are you performing spontaneity yeah it becomes this really like romanticized thing of like you're just a free spirit and blah blah it's like you can be a bit of everything you can kind of want these things and also want to be able to come home or your mum means a lot to you and you don't want to not see her for six months for example like that's fine that's fine it's a nice thing it's the balancing act between what place this is why

it's hard to imagine because it's what place could outweigh everything i have now but then is i also have the thing of like living in good faith in the, all of this stuff will continue. And then if you live in good faith and you make a leap somewhere where you don't know anyone. You will always find good things again. Maybe amazing things are there. It's just following what you want to do. But I do think it would take a huge thing to be like, I'm going to move to fucking,

um, Alaska. Yeah. Um, just because I want to. Yeah. Yeah. Just, I'm thinking about the Simpsons movie a lot that's why i said alaska nice haven't seen it recently i'm just thinking about it a lot thinking about it just thinking about it i think i'm due a watch of it fair enough i've never really watched it that much i have to say the simpsons movie the Simpsons movie yeah the iconic blockbuster smash hit the Simpsons movie yeah Spider-Pig I'm not that familiar I'm very familiar with Spider-Pig obviously I couldn't escape it growing up but it used to be my ringtone on my phone I bet it did yeah so funny back in the day now I know look back on the Simpsons movie

which you do a lot yeah I'm doing a lot in my mind at the moment i just think like no no no i take it back i was gonna say like was it that funny it's so good it's so so good just a bit of conflict there's a bit of internal conflict scratch that from the record just maybe spider pig as a standalone joke isn't that good maybe is that funny does that hold up but the film as a whole definitely does i'm gonna put my foot down and say it unlike don't look up it does stand the test of a whole definitely does i'm gonna put my foot down and say it unlike don't look up it does stand the test of time in my mind i was quite worrying for don't look up it's been out like two weeks and it already hasn't stood the test of time you don't like it that's fine don't know that made an impact yeah good i like that i i i see what you're saying just as

like the christmas movie that net like i mean like not as in this christmas movie but like the december movie that netflix is gonna release that everyone's gonna be watching on christmas time yeah that's that was it no should have been june i think it's because a lot of i think it's because it's like you've had i don't know like i think it's who is the target audience it's supposed to really really hit deep for people who don't have these existential questions and like they don't think about for example the way that social media has affected society do you know i mean like yeah for like a primed like tabula rasa person in the audience it could really hit it could bring up some new thoughts i totally see that it's not bringing up new thoughts for us yeah do you know i mean it's not posing new questions i love it it just

felt like it could have been made in 2010 really yeah but i did i did enjoy it good i'm glad i don't want you to waste your time watch everyone watch it for yourself yeah yeah it's funny jonah hill was really funny very funny very funny in it and timothy he's not looking his best did you think i thought he was looking like the worst i've ever seen him wow well that's not gonna make you like is it the hair the hair i don't know it's my son don't talk about my son like that it's my boy my boy it's my boy oh dear okay i was gonna ask you this question again's surprised? I'm taking it to a somber level. I'm taking us to the pits and back.

Less somber. Well, hopefully we'll come back. Who knows? Assume the worst. Anyway, I feel like with... Sorry, my stomach is really rumbling. You probably heard that. Sorry, I have to move the microphone up here.

Also, this box that you're holding. Yeah. It's like a cardboard box with plastic around it. It's the perfect shape for a box I need right now. And I wondering could you mail it to me do you want it it's literally like a real scrap of junk and a dusty old hat what do you need it for i really need that dusty old hat though because or like i need something exactly that shape if you could just tell me where it's from you can have it it's a cardboard box i didn't buy it this is what my boyfriend's sister had to well she didn't have to it was really nice of her she sent me a new eight hour cream because a dog mauled mine i'm joking she didn't maul it but she had a little

nibble which i can't blame her it is delightful and this is what it came in you're making it sound like she had a nibble you said a dog mauled it haha joking she had a little nibble the dog is the she anyway i'm sorry that was just on the note of your box eight hour cream came in so i mean you can have the cardboard box just you lifted it up and i just thought that's what i'm looking for perfect cardboard box yeah you you can have the cardboard box. Just you lifted it up and I just thought, that's what I'm looking for. Perfect cardboard box. Yeah. You don't have a cardboard box like this, no? Not that size because I just...

What about a shoe box? That's quite skinny. Maybe a shoe box would work. It's just, I have this really annoying gap in my room that I just need to put like something in. And I'm kind of thinking... You need to put a little cardboard box in it. What? I don't think you do.

That's just like like buy some furniture i'm in animal crossing i need to really fill up this but let me just fill out the space maybe a little dusty old cardboard box that would look nice no let me clarify it's a space that would be hidden and i need something just to lift up to basically act as a shelf i just need someone to put i can put my phone right like this weird little like cut out of the room so you need a really small little table or something there are no tables that exist of of that skinniness what about a tiny little shelf but what would the shelf sit on or like a shelf on a on the wall as in i i nail the shelf into the wall on the wall on the wall yeah like what about like a little hooking shelf situation that's the sort of situation it needs to be but i was just thinking

really low-key of just any kind of sellotaped up cardboard box that's fine um sorry you're gonna ask a question what was i gonna say something depressing i was gonna ask um i was gonna say something so boring i was gonna say um i was gonna say something so boring i was gonna say like i feel like obviously loneliness being alone is my stomach's rumbling so much it's actually like gonna cause a problem leave it in um have you eaten have you had breakfast are you yeah i had banana bread with you just now oh yeah you did have banana bread it was delicious they look good from what i saw yeah it was really good um right loneliness i think the problem with loneliness sounds obvious is an isolating thing but i think the thing that comes with that is that you convince

yourself that because you're so isolated or because you feel so lonely i mean even if you're surrounded by people you feel like your experience on this planet is totally... Unique. Unique and like no one else can relate to it. And like you're on your own. You isolate yourself in the experience of being isolated. Yeah, yeah. I feel like when you're feeling lonely, you just kind of...

It feels more believable to imagine that like you are having this like isolated, unique experience as a human rather than you are just one of the billions of humans on this planet. Yeah. Because then it's just like, why didn't they all just become friends? Yeah, exactly. Makes no sense. I was going to ask you, and it's a really sad question and you might not want to answer. Can you think about like what is the loneliest you've ever felt? Oh, I love i love love love because let me also just say come on going on and on i feel like the loneliness sometimes it's just the symptom of whatever else you're feeling so it's like you were going through

x y and z and a part of that made you feel really lonely do you know what i mean yeah um it's quite embarrassing what's come to my mind okay no go on but i think it was the experience of i was surrounded by people and no one saw my perspective and it is an absurd oh god like i felt very lonely in in i knew i was telling the truth in your experience i feel like i've been talking a lot of shit talking about athens and shit but i'm about to launch into a new thing i'm really sorry okay what was happening you were like in court or something no one believed you yes what yes but wait what but yes a low-key court okay i was on brownie camp brownie camp okay yeah brownie camp like like um girl scouts like guides that sort of thing like girl scout

camp but i was like 11 so what sephie's not telling you is that guides a big part of her life big part i saw it through to rangers that's too old to be doing it that's like embarrassing it's way too old how old were you what 17 18 like 17 yeah but my loads my friends did it too like we were the cool kids of rangers of yeah yeah not not big competition to be honest just a small town girl yeah go on honestly small town girl it wasn't that lame in my town maybe it was but i didn't think it was no i was on brownie camp well it gave you all these experiences yeah brownie camp we're there with with you i was on brownie camp it was like a it was like a stay away we're all staying in this

kind of that's fun house thing hype house and the the girls were divided into two bedrooms like bunk bedrooms and my bunk bedroom had like seven bunk beds in and i had like one of my best friends was staying in there and then like my best friend from like like outside of my school and then my school best friend as well and then like a few other people right okay set the scene my sister and her best friend were also staying in there as well who's my sister's a few years younger wow what a time i know whale of a time so we were all out for the day it started raining like mental mental raining flooding outside we were on the top floor god one of my friends came out of the room i can see you getting quite worked up i'm no this is a big injustice you'll see why okay okay yeah you'll see why. Okay, okay. Yeah. You'll see why.

I'm really hanging on you everyone. Yeah. My best friend from out of school, like my childhood childhood best friend, who I'm still great friends with. She came out of the room crying saying, someone has thrown my slipper out of the window and into the rain. It was floating. God.

Sad little like pom pom slipper floating in the rain. Slipper. Bad news. Oh dear. Then we decided to hold a court of law it was one of my friends was the judge my friend whose slipper was there was crying i was the accused no way were you don't know why i everyone thought i did it really everyone thought i did it and i was saying what would be my motive she's like my best friend why what would be my motive? She's like my best friend. Why, what would be my motive? Well,

female friendship. There's a lot of jealousy. There's a lot of resentment going on, Taffy. I don't know if I believe you. No, I'm joking. What would be my motive? So I was there crying. Everyone was going guilty, guilty, guilty, pointing at me. God, that's really a lot. We were all on bunk beds. We'd arranged the bunk beds like a court of law guilty guilty i was going i didn't do it my friend was starting to believe it she was saying did you do it i was like why would i throw your slipper out the window was it a joke or no they were being serious deadly fucking serious the slipper it and it was a mystery and i've the mystery who started it because well that must be who yeah well well well well get, we'll get, we'll get onto the big reveal in a bit.

We'll get there. Okay, okay. The only people not saying, saying not guilty, not guilty, were my sister and her best friend. Shout out to them. Not guilty. I was crying. It all subsided. We kind of forgot about it.

And also the thing that I found particularly unfair in that moment of loneliness was the judge was my biggest suspect well there we go i thought she'd done it why did you think she had done it because she had motives because she was jealous because i was good friends with her and she also didn't like we were a bit of a three but we all went to different schools three's a crowd and i suspected her of throwing the slipper and also her dad was the one that had to go down and get the slipper in the rain there's a dad there yeah that is weird now you've mentioned now we mentioned that what was he doing why was dad there i don't know okay i mean no i'm not even gonna say that no go on no

i was gonna make a joke about like he's the real suspect here like why is this man volunteering to be around loads of kids i thought don't accuse someone's dad as a pedophile as a joke on your podcast you piece of shit but now i've done it so there we go was that funny enough is that justified no years past i'm not only i've left primary school i've left my first secondary school now i'm in my fourth year at secondary school i'm in year nine you're in year 10 no i mean i'm in year nine or 10 i'm in year nine you're in year 10 no i mean i'm in year nine or 10 i'm in year nine you're in year nine well actually okay it happened it happened in year nine oh this is fast forward now fast forward i'm now in year nine i've left so i was in primary school when that happened years past i'm in secondary school i'm established at secondary school i was in the girls toilets

and this girl that i was friends with who still friends with oh bloody hell came in she said i need to confess something to you obviously the last thing on my mind is the slipper oh we've all moved on last thing on my mind i've honestly moved on it's been eating her it's been eating her up eating her alive she was one of the people chanting guilty guilty guilty comforting me crying saying i'm so sorry but we do think you did it and she said um it's been eating me alive basically but i was the one that threw the slipper out of the window because i was jealous that you two were like getting on so like that you two have like a strong friendship and i was your friend similar situation to the judge actually basically everyone wanted to be my fucking mate and they

framed me for the slipper yeah well i can see why same great person what a hoot i am what a blast what a hoot honestly a hoot um and she became very emotional and told because she felt so guilty because it was one of those things where you just think god like i really got framed like it was i don't remember and there was also this other situation where someone put goo there was like this goo that was going around that and that was pinned on you as well well basically i pinned it on this girl that was sleepwalking but it wasn't me but i was it was all over my toy dogger and i was thinking why would i put it on my own toy dogger why would i ever do that i would never goo him nickelodeon slime not in my wildest dreams would i do him yeah honestly green goo over my dog i

don't think so why would you slime your own dog yeah i know it just doesn't add up um so that was also framed on me you were going she is a fugly slut do not trust her but i never expected this one i expected the judge for all these years but it turns out it was um one of the jury that girl and the mystery is solved and i forgive her and wow the plot thickens and we had a big moment in year nine we're still friends this day and it was a huge revolution revelation i mean did the did the truth come out with everyone else involved or no one knows no he took that well there have been a few key players so i told the i told my friend who slipper it was and we laughed so much now that we know who it was because it was really a mystery like she never really thought i did it it's horrible though um it was just one of those ongoing things

about who actually did do the slipper yeah yeah that's funny and my sister thought it was hilarious like it was just one of those things it's like because obviously we were all laughing it was like god the slipper that's really funny we formed a court of law yeah it was a big thing you were chanting as well you were looking in the mirror going crying guilty guilty i was just crying going why would i do like i have no motive have you never seen a crime show oh god it's quite funny if you talk about motive that's so funny but i mean that's probably the loneliest i've ever felt that's funny i mean i thought i was taking us to the pits i didn't know i was taking us to like the year four brownies trip yeah i didn't know i was taking us to the isle of wight yeah january

going on holiday wow but yeah so that was just i think that one of those things and feeling now i'm gonna make it to try and make it serious make it profound yeah make this profound can i do it the missing slip the tone of the missing slipper to life lessons i believe that you can i think one of the loneliest things you can be it doesn't matter if you're in a room of people room of people chanting guilty guilty guilty yeah you can have 99 people that don't believe in you and you just have that one person bradley keeper who believes in you yeah but i think it is the thing of i had a room full of my friends and family in that room but they didn't believe me and it was the feeling of knowing something to be true being like basically you guys are so

dumb that you think i would throw it out the window what would be my motive there are about 10 motives in this room and you're not seeing them are mine there are about 10 motives in this room oh my god and i can call them out. Fuck. And that was, yeah, I guess that was just a lonely, it's like not even just being isolated, but being isolated in knowing the truth and no one believes you.

Is that really the loneliest you've ever felt? No, that's just what came to my mind. No, it's just a funny story, yeah. Just that's what came to my mind of when do I feel, when did I feel? I was going to say, God, like I am bleak. I'm a bleak person. No, no no i definitely felt embarrassing no definitely that's just what came to my mind straight away when have i felt really lonely fuck that was on the time sitting

on that loft bed on that bunk bed and what can i say right now yeah without but definitely yeah um god so many bleak things do you know what's quite lonely i think the feeling of being like rejected and i don't know if we've done have we done an episode on like rejection colon i'm sure we have don't know but that feeling of being like rejected either like romantically or like a friendshiply or like any of these leaves that you can be rejected i thought that's quite lonely when you feel that you're isolated from a thing that could have been oh i thought i was part of like a collaboration a partnership or like a group not getting a job for example yeah i thought i was going to be in that group of people no i'm not actually well it's just i'm not um i'm not

worthy yeah no one loves me oh it's horrible it's crazy isn't it because i can see so easily for everyone i'm like but you are like valuable do you know what i mean but then i can see it so much for you well exactly yeah yeah it is the biggest fucking flaw of human nature i'm convinced that we all happen to think we're pieces of shit and everyone else around us we think they're doing great and it's like well isn't that convenient yeah that's convenient but who invented that god i'm looking at you god what was he thinking oh he's doing a lot more than throwing slippers out into the rain yeah killing babies he's killing babies in front of our eyes so he is insane nuts um do you want me to ask you how lonely you've been or um no i'm all right yeah i'm all right thanks we're on an hour long now

all right have we given what we wanted to give i mean i don't really know what i wanted to give but i feel like i've given more than i should have of just shit okay no i think you've given have you given everything you want to give or can i squeeze some more out of you i don't know i just what i want to give is that i want i know that if you click on i don't know what this title is going to be but it's something along the lines of being alone and feeling lonely and all of that and i know that that's going to come to people in a moment where they're probably not feeling great you might be listening as you listen every monday thank you so much.

Thank you. But if you found this episode and you've clicked on this title because that's where you are right now, I want to give you something that can show you how valued you are and like you are really, really not isolated even though you might feel it right now.

I don't know how, I don't know if I have the tools to give anything else in this episode, but I just hope that that's kind of my wish that is just like i hope you don't feel like shit basically which is kind of what i say in every episode but i just i feel like when i feel like shit i turn to content i will watch a million youtube videos i'll listen to a million podcasts and i just hope that if that's you right now, you're feeling connected to us in this moment. And seeing.

I do think loneliness is one of the worst emotions you can feel. Were we talking about it in a few episodes ago where you knew someone that said shame is one of the worst emotions you can feel? Yeah. I actually do think loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can feel when you just feel like, like god there's no one here that is so fucking sad but you're just not alone in in that there is always someone there is always

something yeah 100 100 000 well there's us like yeah yeah there's there's content i i genuinely think like if scissor hadn't released an album at the most perfect time in my life um i would be a different person yeah that is true yeah it is true oh god my stomach is actually insane how much my stomach's rumbling what's going on you need to go eat another slice of banana bread okay um okay one of the weirdest episodes yet i think what a strange interaction between us i'm so sorry to put not only the listener but you wing no i'm so sorry to you no i'm sorry i'm so sorry for everything that we've just been through um well if you don't hear from us i seem the worst