Goes Without Saying - how to be emotionally intelligent: *cries in Self-Awareness*

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

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So good. And this is an episode about emotional intelligence and self-awareness which are two terms that we haven't really unpacked throughout the whole of this episode but I think we do a good job of kind of going we have in some interesting little avenues we talk about communication boundaries toxicity gaslighting I think we get that in there, let's use that as a buzzword we talk about loads of other things it's definitely been a very cosy episode

we're both currently kind of cocooned in blankets, Wing's got kind of a sofa cushion on top of her she's sandwiched it's like Wing actually needs to call an ambulance like she needs some firemen to get her out. Wing's wearing ten scarves.

But we couldn't be cozier right now. So this is kind of a very chilled, cozy, brackets, also late episode of Goes Without Saying. Goes Without Saying. And I hope you enjoy it. Hi. Hey. And hello to you all. hi hey um and hello to you all if you are hearing this we were just saying like i almost feel like could this be one where we get halfway through the recording and we're like we can't do it we

can't do it oh no i can't i know i'm putting out bad vibes but i'm i'm also just i think it's just look we have to be free and cozy i'm blanketed up to the nines i'm in the merch hoodie i'm in the green merch the work never stops and i've got a coffee so i'm hoping like that's gonna perk me up i've been drinking it for about an hour now so all the ice has melted and it hasn't perked me yet i think you're seeming perky as ever am i yeah of course yeah but i think i'm um i never let my slumps show if you know what i mean no you do i think i do do high because i think people always say that i'm high energy but i never feel high energy so i think i just hide it really well um no i don't think that's you're hiding it i think it's that even when you're low energy you're still so much

more energy than what other people think is high energy or whatever but you think i'm in a high energy mood right now no but i've definitely seen you in it in a low low yeah i've seen you in a bad place should we get into it no but uh obviously this episode's late yeah this is a late app but better late than never better late than never that's what we hope for anyway that's what i'm aiming for and i do kind of want to talk about it's so weird because i'm like i'm i've said i think i have said on the podcast there are some big life changes going on for me i've said that right yeah i think you have but i think we go in yeah let's not get in too deep but we can go in let's

wade wade wade up wade in in the shallow end yeah we're in the kiddie pool oh no yeah immediately right what i'm trying to say oh god what i'm trying to say is i really really want to it's really annoying because i want to talk about it but then i'm like i need to remember that this is a podcast and i can't sit down with everyone individually and i in my head i'm like oh my god i can't wait to talk to them about it and blah blah blah but then it's like but you're talking to, you don't know who you're talking to right now. So in with all the people that you love, there's also going to be some rogue.

God knows who. Yeah, God knows who. But I don't even know how to wade in with it. I don't even know how, just top line, like I don't know how to summarize it in a sentence. But I'm dealing with something very serious in my life. Yeah. um but I'm dealing with something very serious in my life yeah um with I'm dealing with a case of abuse that is I'm not I'm dealing with getting someone out of an abusive relationship basically the closest person to me not me I'm not in an abusive relationship it's actually my anniversary

today woohoo woohoo 10 years woohoo 10 years best time that is crazy i know i know um but yeah there's it's not basically it's not dump him season it's actually like he's the best season um but dump somebody else um so yeah it's just a very serious time with like the police and women's aid and just headaches upon headaches yeah um but i just kind of want to give the top line in the sense that my takeaways so far are anybody can be abused you're not weak for being abused yeah anybody can be abused and i'm not saying that's scary on but just in the sense that it doesn't mean it doesn't mean you're weak if someone has been awful to you um so that's the most that's the main takeaway and also just check in on people if you have any scary suspicions and that i hope you're all safe and please please please like i'm sure there is someone out there that you can trust or find

just a fleeting moment that you can confide in someone if you're not in a safe situation but anyway I really wanted to just get the episode going like I actually feel good I feel fine in my life it's just there's an intense I'm really preoccupied at the moment yeah but we've got so much exciting stuff going on with and I am also in a good place and i just feel like i want to balance that like yeah i'm preoccupied there's something really really heavy going on but also i feel good and i want to speak to you and i just want to have a good time and yeah i always feel like that's one of the most jarring elements though that is

it can life weirdly can be so bad and so good at the same time it's like the worst things and the best things can be having the same time oh what where's the narrative where's the linear narrative that i thought was gonna happen this makes sense in the story no no one would write this chaos what a messy script no one would write this it's very sephian wing though yeah pure chaos it's pure chaos um but it's all good i think yeah i think that's really good of you to say because i feel like abuse isn't something we talk about at all i think i almost feel like the sub do you know i mean it kind of underpins a lot of things like really when we're talking about things i guess we are talking about abuse but it's go on well

just a bit i guess we talk about like abuse of power in loads of ways but i think in the really really niche way of like an abusive relationship i love you being like there's basically it can happen to anyone like i think that's such a powerful thing because you almost think oh well it could never happen to me or like the people that find themselves in them oh there's a narrative oh with it like you should have seen the signs you should have seen this but we can see that even in the most textbook case the signs weren't obvious like at all yeah well just god people can be i don't want to say too much so i don't want to cause any i just don't want to i don't want to get anyone in trouble i don't want to get i don't

want to get myself hurt for like saying something so i don't know yeah i don't know if i'm in a dangerous situation if i'm honest but people can be very evil so it's not even about like oh we couldn't see the signs it's just look fuck some people they can really get away with things for a long period of time um i hate to start this off so serious but it is also just a sign of the times and I just but as you said earlier it's like it's an elephant in the room for you that if you don't say it almost feels like you can't be feels dishonest and I want you all there I feel like you have all you probably don't know it but you've really been a big part of my journey I feel like with you know this is a this is somebody who's been in my life for a long time and i've kind of spoken in and out i've like touched on different things from my childhood and things like that and

i feel like something that's really helped me get to a good place is obviously the medication and also it's the immense medication therapy and like but it's also on a long list of things it's also me taking a step back sometimes and being like your wing from sephia wing i know that this is a valid thing because the people who listen it's just so affirming because i personally feel like look i'm part of this podcast because i just want to connect. I feel like that's my purpose in life is just to connect with people and feel seen and make other people feel seen. I feel like that is the underlying purpose is just if I really wanted to push it, I would say love. The only thing that's real in life is love. Agrees.

It's the only thing that's real. And I feel like having this and seeing such beautiful people get value from this podcast podcast or it just makes them laugh or keeps them company for half an hour on a monday is all or a tuesday or a tuesday or a wednesday who knows whatever day this is going on who knows um it's just all the confirmation i would need that purpose is being fulfilled as we speak so it's all good it's all good i'm just very grateful and i want to say hi i miss everyone i want to keep chatting love it you know i know if it was like oh i've got email john from accounts because i can't come into work today because i'm dealing with all of this domestic abuse stuff then you know maybe not

but i we have the best thing we have the best thing. We have the best thing. And I just, I want to also be there for everyone and just say, hey, how's it going? I want to keep you in the loop. You know. That's really stunning. That's also really cute. Like, I feel like we, I don't know if we haven't spoken about it in a while. Like, you being like, what almost is like the main thing in this is like, would you say connection?

For me personally i think if i boil things really down it's like like i mentioned in the other other episode me putting oh i don't want to forget i don't want to get myself in trouble but me putting stolen goods in a bag for uh a girl my age or whatever to find when she went home when i worked in retail was me looking for connection or trying to make someone feel seen or just happy for like five minutes on earth and I feel like that's the purpose that's just my life it's my life's work I think up until this point I don't know what I'll get up to like later on down the line hopefully I make it touch wood you touch some wood for me yeah I'm already touching it

you didn't have to prompt my hands are firmly on the wooden stool right now I'm touching yeah i don't know where life will take me but i feel like as of right now and all i've ever really known is just a very intense desire to just look around and be like guys are you with me who's with me you know love that i'm with you you're with me yeah let's go what about you what do you think the ultimate thing is the ultimate thing i think my crux with this is if if like the things that when people say that they feel more confident that is what hits me i think my mission with this is to make people feel confident i want people to come away from this feeling like they can do it and that they're the shit and And they have power. And they're fucking cool. And stunning.

And all these things. I think that's my main thing. Because I feel like that's what is missing from the world. Like the whole world would fucking shift on its fucking axis. If all the women suddenly realised how fucking cool they are. Yeah. Everything would fucking change. Oh my god.

So I'm taking it to a political level of like. I want women. I think women literally need to realise. How fucking cool they are. And worrying about literally bullshit that they've been taught to worry about and literally everything will change you know what's funny is we are really just talking to ourselves entirely because it's like yeah all i want is it's just hilarious it's like what are you trying to do with your space it's like i just want people to feel good and blah blah it's like god he must feel awful yeah yeah it's like yeah and i do think look not to go on and on but we do give we're giving you something very raw from us like i do

actually there's not a doubt in my mind yeah it could be too raw actually um it is it is an exchange i don't know but i love it very grateful thank you for being here thank you yeah thank you guys it's crazy crazy thank you and it's like there's people listening yeah let's get in should we get in and away from us yeah yeah let's go okay so emotional intelligence and self-awareness and blah blah blah blah blah interesting i almost feel like they're terms i haven't heard in a few months okay like i feel like i haven't there was a time when i was like right self-awareness is a really huge thing and i still think it really is i think i've kind of moved away from and i think a lot of the internet has almost moved away from the discourse on like self-awareness a little bit what do you think of when i say to you and this is what we put on the story

um which by the way people sent so many good responses so thank you um oh my god so many almost too clever oh yeah i don't have the energy to go into no we won't do you justice yeah it's a shame it's a shame it's a shame we have no brain cells left yeah it's a shame we'll forward them on to yeah he'll know what to do um yeah what i was gonna say to you is when you hear the phrase emotional intelligence what do you make of it what do you think of what does that mean to you that was quite steven varlet of me I was literally smiling because I was like, that is giving such Stephen energy. It's Stephen.

Yeah, big Stephen energy. The way you like repeated it. What do you make of that? What does that bring for you? That was Stephen. Add an extra layer of Sharon. He came out of your body then. I think he often does on this podcast.

I do feel like I grow you quite a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm kind of Joe Slug. Joe Slug. That's so rude joe slug being interviewed a bit confused um that's almost like i want to cut it out but like i will leave it because it's funny but it's not to be insulting obviously it's not at all oh my god great interview also shaped so

much of our lives all that crew of course that's saying everything um anyway fucking hell what does emotional intelligence mean to you i don't know when i was thinking about it like when you put that up and when i was thinking right okay we're recording on emotional intelligence i was thinking when have i been kind of emotionally intelligent recently like what have I when have I been like okay that or I think recently so when I was in Lisbon I me and my friend went to Lisbon we're looking after my seven-year-old sister there whilst my dad and his girlfriend went away for a bit which was really nice um and so with it's two how old are we we're 24 we're 24 25 i'm not trying to dumb down my age down myself i'm the 25 year old my friend's 24 hands up i'm the 25 year old and we were with a um seven

year old so big age gap a lot of um and also wig on a holiday so it's not like um usually when you're babysitting it's like right i'll stick you in front of the tv it's an afternoon this is like no we're going to the beach so i'm i'm responsible for your sun cream for your water intake all of these things and there were a lot of times when there's a seven year old who i would say they're not known for their um self-awareness or emotional intelligence yeah i would actually say it's the peak age of not of not being aware of yourself yeah and she's literally the cutest and most like confident child in the whole world like she's just the best and so funny but there were some moments where i was trying to teach some lessons in um sort of emotional intelligence because there were points where she'd be like i come here all the

time like i'm bored i don't want to be in the middle of lisbon i want to be at home why can't we hang out at home or like i don't want to go to the beach i want to um be watching youtube videos of someone painting squishies which i realized was a whole fucking thing iconic um and i was trying to be like to her i completely get your point of view like i entirely get it if someone took me away from nintendo because at your age i'd be throwing a fucking stop i entirely get it but do you get it from our perspective that we've flown from london we're in in lisbon we're here for five days we just want to have a good time we want to see you but we also want to see lisbon my friend's never been to lisbon before right and i was really trying to get her to think right like try yeah

let's try i don't think at seven years old i was ever viewing things from other people's perspectives and i was like i think you you will understand and the strop will end i basically thought i'd hacked the child system of i think from my i know a lot of children in my life because i feel like i'm the oldest child oldest cousin i know a lot of children in my life because i feel like i'm the oldest child oldest cousin i know a lot of kids and i feel like one of the main things they struggle with is when they want something and they've been told they can't have it it's almost like um but why why and then and i think a lot of people don't explain it no so i have a real thing where which is infuriating and i think because also there's like i'm well versed in autism in the spectrum of a lot of people that i know i think

one of the main things is like making sure that like why the fuck am i not going to give someone an answer so i want to go home oh okay so from my perspective i really don't want to go home but i completely get why you want to go home 100 agreed agreed agreed my perspective i really don't want to go home but i completely get why you want to go home 100 agreed agreed agreed so i think i was just trying to teach the things of like shall we shall we view it from both perspectives and i do think that's actually a big part for me about emotional intelligence is the ability to like view it from other people's perspective and like and not just be like i get it i get it you just want to do this it's like no i'm really gonna feel it of why you want to do that and like work out what what you

can do together if you've got to be together i just feel like that's kind of one of the main things in relationships as well that people just don't they don't really feel it from the other person's perspective empathy basically fucking empathy yeah yeah and did she did she get where you were going with that yeah she did and i think you get a better conversation from it because they'll be like but thing is i'm on level two of this game and the thing is if i don't complete that by 6 p.m it's going to go back to level one and it's like god well we better get back then we better turn a fucking round we better get some wi-fi it changes the day it's like okay well how about we stay here until half four then we'll leave to make sure we get back for you in time and it's something that wasn't really a conversation before has now turned into like

actually an active way to get a resolution and just almost dismissing someone because you think their opinion or their perspective isn't as important as yours one because they're young because you don't value their opinion or whatever but i almost think you just get a better thing by being like oh my god i completely get it and i just think people don't listen very often so i think emotional intelligence for me is like listening like actually listening and responding with like their perspective in mind and also then being like okay well let me properly take the time to explain to you my perspective and then hopefully you can see someone will work it out the good thing about that the good thing about that situation with a

child is that well in this case the child is going to be honest with you which is amazing because where that doesn't work is when you are offering up the space for compromise and like empathy and like a communication to somebody and i totally get it it takes some vulnerability sometimes to be honest about for example in the situation of you want to go somewhere and someone else wants to go home say it's not a child say it's say it's me and you and i'm in my head thinking oh i want to go home because what could i have going on that's a bit embarrassing or like i'm a bit your periods leaked your periods leaked down your trousers yeah i mean you're on a date for example i'd have a hard time like i always think like me

and you what are we not going to say but it's almost like say you're on a date they want to continue me and you we spent five minutes together we're like gosh we go home when would we ever leave the house we're just like get us in a dark dungeon like we need a tea we're actually a bit weird when we meet up like we'll be it'll be the honestly the height of summer people are running around having a whale of time and we just need to we go into we do the dark dark pub we do the fun thing for about three four hours first and then we like to almost like before we leave yeah it's quite a lot before we leave we like to do some sort of winding down period where we almost reflect on the three four hours that we've just had in detail going through a minute by minute we say we've had a great time should we unpack that

for a further three or four hours we go for it in real time yeah yeah we do we really do situation we almost have to be in the darkest of establishments almost yeah do you have somewhere with no windows and lamps it's like do you have a kettle good for us you do have tea bags how cozy are their seats like other seats look more comfy in there we've sat before on like wooden stools like we really don't we'll go for the uncomfiest of things as long as it's dark yeah we do like they'll be outside there'll be tables in the sun with ice cream galore which we'll do in the morning we'll do we'll do that but yeah i always prefer the i prefer the dungeon times with you so do i because i feel like you know what it is sometimes i feel it with my friends i'm like i wish i could just

cut my head open but i wish i could just open my brain. You could come inside. You could open yours and I could come inside. And it's... You want to come inside? I'll open mine and you can come inside. And you open yours and I'll come inside. It's kind of a definition of sex. I'll open mine and you come inside. But that's what I'm looking for. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment.

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Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives. Go check out Resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Actually, I was having a really interesting voice note conversation with my friend earlier. I was kind of saying, maybe we're actually talking about emotional intelligence, funny enough. And I was saying, I feel like for me, and I've kind of said this before on the podcast, and I feel like probably if you've listened to a few episodes you kind of get maybe

the gist of this from me, like you might not be surprised, but to me like when I feel connected to someone, I just love someone bearing their soul to me, even if we just met. Oh god. I really love, like I'm never going to, someone's crying in front of me. I don't care if you're a stranger in the street. I would never turn it down. Like, and not for the show. I don't want you to be upset. I just think, God, here we go.

In the midst of all of this nonsense, someone is giving. Yeah, someone's giving something real. And I just feel like, God god it's my duty as a human to like receive it with like care like put my gloves on and like softly take it from you and like put it down on a velvet kind of kind of where the queen's crown is r.i.p just put that in there when she's not needing it anymore i'll kind of put down all of your vulnerable your deepest i'll put that in there as well like let's take care of this thing because that to me is how i feel oh my god i'm connecting with someone but then i was like am i just sick in the head that i want someone's it's like god to i want to see you in the depths i want to see

your darkness like that to me is i'm in i'm connecting but it's like I guess I am also connecting over like a nice pizza or a film that we both like but someone bearing their soul to me and giving me the depth and knowing and it's also because I'm like look I've been in the depths and I want to see from you that you've been in the depths too not because I want you to be upset but because it makes me feel good and I feel like we can see each other that it's like oh we've been there i've seen you there that guttural sobbing you've been there with me do you know what i mean entirely i think that makes the most sense because to me that mine doesn't necessarily need to be sad mine will need to have some passion um there needs to be something coming

through because i don't mind i feel like I'm connecting to someone equally, whether they are sobbing, crying, or like hysterically belly laughing, or like talking passionately about, I fucking love this film. I fucking, or even like, I love the colour fucking red. I love it so much. It reminds me of this. Like whatever the fuck it is I don't actually care as long as I'm getting something real real something genuinely real I don't think

it needs to be sad I'll I'll take what I can get of any reality I love I I fucking love that I love crying with someone um but yeah I think mine to me is I always want to break through the small talk and I think it's because I'm scared of small talk and i actually can't really do it and i'm quite jealous of everyone that can do the combo yeah you're you're fucking great at it or like some of my friends i read their fucking work emails i hack into their email when i read over their shoulders they show me a fucking email they've sent and it will be like hey just gonna jump on a call with you um they're using all this fucking lingo drop me a line i can't actually do that like i don't actually think i possess the ability it's just a muscle that you haven't stretched no because i'm bad at it in real life like i'm

actually bad if someone says like if i bump into someone i know in sainsbury's and they'll be oh how have you been it's all gonna come off yeah i'm watching house of the dragon i love her anyway it's gonna be weird it's definitely gonna be weird um yeah but that doesn't mean you can't get good at writing emails to me it's the same skill there's something like i would i'm not saying i couldn't do it i think i just have to of course i have to really focus i'm not saying every interaction i have is fucking mental no i'm saying there's definitely it's a difficult it's a it's an effortful and hard thing yeah it's difficult um so i think that's why i love it when it breaks through and suddenly you're

seeing the like raw soul and it's like oh i kind of know what to do with that because here's mine oh god i love it i love it i love it more than anything i love it yeah same why would you say emotional intelligence is to you oh um was that your thinking face you just looked really panicked then that no i was thinking i thought you were gonna say delete the episode i hate it and i was gonna go jesus christ i don's what i mean by things come off weird a stranger would be like she just looked fucking panicked you were like this i can't sorry i know we're on a podcast now i'm pulling a face but like she had her hands in her mouth and she was like looking around the room like her eyes were darting everywhere there we go you come off weird you're just thinking right what let's ask a question and you look like you just found out that the house is burning down like you're coming off odd um what did you say

what does emotional intelligence mean to you the question all right let me think well this is what i was kind of thinking is i'm kind of what i i don't know if i said this to you earlier or if i was saying it's my friend but does because sometimes sometimes sephia and i will say in our personal lives um blah blah blah like having the emotional intent we refer to emotional intelligence and we refer to other people in our lives that we are finding to have emotional intelligence or sometimes they might not be having emotional intelligence god forbid sephia and i could ever be mean oh my god we're the worst people in the world anyway no one has ever said that who the fuck has said we're mean no it's quite insane guys i'm gonna be crying for days if someone said that fucking hell anyway um yeah sometimes when we talk about people

having or not having emotional intelligence i sometimes think is it just is it not really about emotional intelligence and maybe it's like look we're just not compatible because sometimes for example there's someone in my life always says to me um also i'm allowed to be out of order about this person okay they're like they're in my family like whatever um he always says to me we're not allowed to be out of order they have one person has i know who you're talking about we got one review back once quite recently we got basically we got a review that they just said that we can be mean about our friends which was horrible so you can be mean about your friends

as well you know what i'm a good meet my friends they're nutters they wouldn't mind you know what good people are mean sometimes not all the time but this is what i mean but i'm giving you a raw exchange here anyway i'm just i just want you to enjoy my podcast if you don't like it please god please don't listen to us anyway fucking hell you're driving people away i know i'm coming off mental which is probably an accurate depiction um let's just keep going yeah there's someone in my life who says sometimes god we're just so emotionally intelligent we're just so emotionally intelligent kind of sounds like could be you actually but it's not yeah who says this is someone and he he says it's a boy it is actually a boy i'm not even lying um kind of sounds like

a cover-up but it is actually for real um now i really sound insane he always says god was so emotionally intelligent and i sometimes think i don't think you're emotionally intelligent i think we actually clash sometimes when it comes to the ways that we intellectualize our emotions sometimes i actually don't think that we're on the same page and i do feel like we are in a different space when it comes to responding to the actions of others around us the ways that we react to things the ways that we articulate our emotions i just find us but he always says god you're so emotionally articulate you're so emotionally articulate you're so intelligent with your emotions and you know so am i it's just crazy and i'm like

i mean i compliment yourself i see it for me oh i see it for me i do i see it in my day-to-day life however i'm not seeing it with you in the way that you think and i think sometimes i'm actually seeing a bit of a narcissism thing oh wow of like and this is where i think it gets confused with like self-awareness where you know when sometimes someone's got all the lingo but the execution is so off so it's hard as well because in a conversation in a conversation between two people really what reality is there apart from two different people's subjective versions of the same story so i don't want to argue that like my answer is the objective answer and he's in the wrong but in a situation where it could be viewed one way he could come

in and say something that i never would have thought like oh what this person doesn't understand is you know they're just gaslighting me and they're just they have all of this vocabulary they've got the terms almost what some people would say trisha paytas did during the frenemies era do you know i mean that name in a while yeah god i miss frenemies her royal majesty the queen's mother great podcast um true if you ever need a good podcast which i'm sure you do if you're listening to this yeah you definitely you should watch frenemies it's all on youtube and it's the best thing yeah you should just go from beginning to end and watch its demise it's the best thing you could ever watch i think

um but i think what a lot of people were saying there is like you know trish was somebody just as an observer this is not even my you know this is just the conversation around her at the time was that trish is someone who's spending a lot of time in therapy she's just um kind of intensely on the internet so she picks up a lot of vocab but the execution people felt like wasn't necessarily justified or it just not at all it wasn't communicated properly no it wasn't and i think sometimes you know like in kind of a and doing the work kind of way is sometimes there can be a lot of abstract terminology being thrown over things that aren't really very tangible or sometimes things that aren't helpful which i think is quite dangerous in the way that we kind of had

this conversation about the toxic vibe of like and they're just toxic and blah blah blah it's like sometimes these ways of thinking aren't necessarily productive and i do kind of find that with someone being like i'm self-aware or blah blah even though i think we are self-aware sometimes i feel like this kind of lingo can mask over people's real issues because they think oh well i'm doing the work i'm doing the work but we're all flawed like in the way that i think this person isn't always emotionally intelligent look guys i'm an arsehole sometimes i'm this i'm that blah blah blah it goes without saying it is kind of um like the perfect words come along for okay so i can be a dick and just acknowledge it and then i'm self-aware like i'm emotionally intelligent because i understand um because i have basic empathy shit like i understand my

own issues like i can call them by name which means that i'm self-aware but it's like i feel like awareness is step one of a long fucking list of shit that needs to be done yeah on real real issues like self-awareness is i don't know it's a good it's a really good thing to strive for 100 and i almost feel like um when people aren't like unnotably unselfaware it can be really frustrating to watch but i don't think you need to be overly self-aware like i think if it's one of the main things you are you've kind of lost what the purpose of the word was even like intending to be helpful for because it's almost like what's the point of being aware no yeah what's the point of being aware of your issues if if you're not gonna do anything about yeah maybe okay so you're aware of your issues and

you just want to keep them question mark like fine i'm not judging you but it's kind of step one isn't it it's like sure yeah i think it's almost like have you ever had someone say that's just who i am i think that would be number one ick in my life you know what i mean i'm just like i'm just not really a blah blah person you know number two one and two icks in my life you what you go on your phone whilst watching the film and two you say almost like that's just me kind of like lump it like yeah you can take yeah take it or leave it you know take it or leave it that's what i'm looking for yeah like kind of yeah like it or lump it is that phrase um just a weird one um that's just what i'm like i just speak my mind stop fucking speaking stop being rude offending everyone stop being fucking rude yeah it's not

enough i think that is one of the it's a main trait when i worked in a pub and i was around a lot of kind of 50 to 60 year old middle-aged kind of brexit voting men a lot of that language is um oh that's just me kind of like no me no more ways sort of thing it's like no no no you do not get to essentially be sexist racist all of these fucking things and be like that's just who i am it's like well you're just a fucking sign of the times it's so inherent of the era of just this is just life and we just get on with it we just keep marching on keep calm and carry on whereas we're very much coming from a place of self-development is everywhere like self-improvement is what's being sold to us and that is what we're kind of being sold which is fucked as well like like self-improvement being marketed so fucking heavily

at women is yeah fucked as well like self-improvement is so important duh duh duh goes without saying but the fact that it has become this kind of aestheticized instagrammable almost like um quite guilty shameful thing that like you have to do or you're like failing look at the people i.e the people the like it or lump it men that i used to know they're not interested in fucking um self-improvement discourse but they fucking need it badly yeah but it's not being marketed at them what's being marketed at them is i don't know what's fucking being marketed on them i'm not on their algorithms yeah kind of tickets to the latest football match i don't know what's going on um but do you see that do you think if if you're not self if you're not improving yourself and

you're not part of that then you're failing what gives that no i don't but i think if it's not that you think that but where do you see that tell me more i see it that i don't see it that it's if it's not being marked at you because then you don't know but i think there's an element of um i guess it's the competitiveness of like the self-improvement sort of world on instagram there's no end goal to it is it it's not like you reach level three of self-improvement oh my god i'm done it's always a thing your skill you're at whatever it is on scientology you're the thetan level you've gone clear oh my god that's niche i watched about 10 documentaries on scientology you've gone clear but that's like you've reached the top of it like all your fucking i think they're called thetans are gone and you've gone clear and you have like mastered the world

essentially at the end level elizabeth moss is on her track god um but i almost think you don't so many weird people getting that why am i the queen like scientology is like we sound a bit um illuminati in this i said about the kiddie pool we are giving a lot of cancelable like i don't know what's going on no it's just funny we're coming from a weird place no of course not it's just it's almost like god we're really like on the dark side we're really giving um bedtime vibes it's like we're really in our blankets talking absolutely it's like this shouldn't go on the internet i'm fully tortilled up in a blanket i'm literally like tucked in like

you've almost pulled the cushion of your sofa off yeah on top of you i have the little you know like the little just a little the arm of the sofa well the arm of the sofa is still there can you see it oh that's but this is just this is just a little it's actually technically called a bolster cushion i believe oh lovely learn a new thing every day anyway fuck um but yeah you don't ever reach a point where you're done with self-development like it just basically keeps moving and moving and moving and the terms change and the terms get more refined and i think to a massive extent it's helpful but i think sometimes it can go over where it's like is is this helpful anymore basically yeah i agree i agree is this helpful

maybe not right now yeah because i think obviously our oh my god what can i say this it's something random no no it's a good thing it's a good thing does anyone know the youtuber simone simone squared simone simmo no absolutely gorgeous and she just liked my post because she i don't know if she follows me on my on her private account wow she has opened like a few yeah i know it makes it sound really exclusive but it was just that she started a private account and then I followed it. And then I think she followed me back. And she commented on one of my posts saying like beautiful or something like that. And I was like, oh, wow, here we are connecting.

Simone, you don't know what this means to me. You didn't know my moon was in Pisces. I'm taking you to my grave now. You're the most important person in my life. But I just saw that she liked my post randomly. pretty nice really nice sorry i just couldn't help but name drop simone put her in there of course but i think we fit into that kind of circle of self-development obviously self-help that sort of lingo and it goes without saying there will be so many times when you're not in the mood to hear all of this wishy-washy nonsense that you put on one of these podcasts and you're like communication i don't want to

talk about that right now or what else we talk about i don't know like perfectionism i don't want to talk about that right now like imposter syndrome like i mean preaching to the choir absolutely of course no yeah but i think it's also sometimes about where you are in you know like how are you responding to it in the way that i think also emotional intelligence can be about how you respond to others like you obviously can't control other people well you shouldn't and if someone's controlling you it's abused just putting that back in there just tying that back in but we don't control other people but obviously you can only control your reactions to others and i think in the way that you might be practicing your emotional intelligence in the ways that you

just consider and take a step back of how you are behaving with other people around you it's kind of a similar thing in the sense of i feel like if you're in a place of not feeling very I feel like if you're in a place of not feeling very emotionally intelligent, for example, or switched on to that, you could receive content like that in a real like snappy way. You might even comment and say, fuck you, I don't want to hear about perfectionism, for example. But it also says something about where you are in that at that time. Yeah, I think so. Does that make sense? Because I feel like the ways that we receive things are just about where we are at that time yeah i think so that makes sense because i feel like the ways that we receive things are just about where we are at the time and that just responds things through your

experiences it's like at the very beginning us both saying oh i you go i want connection in this i and i mean i want confidence in this like i want all these people to feel like this whatever it's just basically how you feel is what you project onto it and that's kind of the same thing of like if you are really it's kind of you get a yellow car suddenly seeing yellow cars everywhere yeah if you're really particularly interested in gas lighting suddenly the discourse about gas lighting suddenly you're hyper tuned into what you agree with what you don't agree with like you're just super attuned to um either taking it into your soul or like the critique of it yeah yeah can be a dangerous game that's why i think self-awareness

can be a dangerous game because i think having too much self-awareness like what's you're gonna be up at night i wouldn't recommend it it's like you're going that level of preoccupation of yourself is also are you also being very self-indulgent too much navel gazing is not good for anyone i always say but i do think also yeah fucking hell too much navel gazing not a good idea dangerous game i also don't want to steer people off from self-improvement like i do think that's definitely thing to strive for i'm just always angry at or i feel like because i'm angry at it i'm always tuned to what's being like marketed and pushed towards women and what's being marketed and pushed towards men really um or like the different spectrums of people and like for

example if i mentioned those old fucking men in the pub they're not understanding the word gaslighting but they're the ones doing the gaslighting it's almost like they're not they don't know the words they're not having conversations about self um self-awareness but they're the least self-aware people i've ever met but the people i would imagine listening to this podcast i would imagine you would be quite self-aware and you're now getting an hour of conversation on self-awareness you're not really the people that need it i would say but also i don't know you no that's true but it's also interesting to talk for us even are we then being um we definitely are but like is it funny for us to talk about being angry at self-awareness and self-improvement being marketed at women and

young women when if you zoom down this podcast wasn't yours you'd be like oh they market their podcast for mostly women oh look at all their topics it's all like self-improvement stuff oh so what are they doing but we obviously very much in it obviously feel like well we're just this tiny little i'm just a little mouse over here and someone else's do you know i'm like you're holding my strings like i don't it's funny like how much responsibility do we take then for the messages that we are sending out to whoever's listening i guess it's the difference of like just talking about what you find interesting and what's like what's affecting you at that time and then i guess that's what everyone would say they're fucking doing of course it's like yeah well i started a a skincare brand because i had acne and now i'm

passionate about blah blah blah but then someone else could argue well you're selling something to tell women that they aren't good enough for example i'm selling even weight loss pills because i really struggle with my weight growing up made me insecure blah blah blah well i see that you're blah blah but it's the kind of the chloe kardashian thing of yeah it's a double-edged sword it's it's kind of there's so much nuance there yeah who can anyone take full responsibility because some people would think oh what's happening we should take full responsibility i would argue no um i would argue no but i don't know it's interesting yeah it is i hope you've been interested too. Yeah, yeah, I think so. In this 45 minute long episode

on self-awareness and emotional intelligence. I think it's been nice. Thoughts? I think it's been nice too. I've got a bit worried in the last 10 minutes about it. I thought so, yeah. Well, I saw it on your face. But like, I really liked it up until,

I think it was a Scientology thing that threw me because then I was like, fuck, is that bad to mention Scientology? But it's the most interesting thing in the whole world. Why would it be bad? I don't know. This is also something that I think is, look, obviously we're not Louis Theroux or Bo Burnham. But when white men talk about...

Annoying that we're not, to be honest, because we could do anything. It's annoying. What an iconic duo. God, Tiffy and Wing. Fuck that. I want to be Bo Burnham and Louis Theroux. Which one would you be you'd be bow would i you're bo burnham i'm because i'm quite musical you're bo burnham hands down

i'm bringing the awkwardness oh because i'm so depressed of course that's so true so true wow cherry on top that makes perfect sense it makes the most sense to me but we don't be our oyster the world would be our oyster i'd be loving every second yeah we'll stay tuned for that i'm sure there's a parallel universe near you let's go that would be great my two crushes i'm your crush open yours i'll come inside open mine worst wet like worst kind of description of anything it's like do we do a valentine's day kind of merch and put that on it awful all right well i hope everyone's okay thank you for being here guys i hope you know that everyone's in a good place yeah hope you're all doing well and hope you're I hope you can get into a cozy vibe like we have been absolutely comfy as hell throughout this

talking yeah we've let's say that in the intro too yeah yeah yeah let's say that should we do the intro now yeah see you back now in a minute okay yeah um okay if you don't hear from us assume the worst nice i'm gonna leave this rolling and we'll just go straight oh yeah of course whose intro is it is it me or you perfect i think this is a good episode don't be worried about scientology no i'm not really it's fine all right that's quite funny don't be worried about i'm not i'm not worried about it i'm i'm actually like... Well, what?

Is this now going in at the end then? Oh, God knows. If you don't hear from us, assume the worst. Right, go on. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy

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