Goes Without Saying - how to 'everything shower' your mind: therapy dupe?

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on self-worth and self-care, capitalism and the winter blues, curing seasonal depression, anxiety remedies, mental health, habits, routines, and silly little treats. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Here's a show that we recommend. And in the new season of my podcast, Resurrection, I tell the stories of heroes of the early AIDS movement.

Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives. Go check out Resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com goes without saying you're listening to goes without saying with seffy and wing i'm wing and i'm seffy this is i'm not i'm gonna say it it's such a fucking good episode i would love this this is a really perfect one to like give a nice level of distraction to almost like

ease your mind ease the tension of the day but also i feel like it's i would come out of this feeling pretty fucking good i have to say yeah i've just done it and i feel good yeah i feel good yeah i could do this again i could do this all day stunning take it from the top lovely wow wow first one back since cambridge okay let's let's just talk about that briefly yes it's been we've had some time to cool down we have we have i feel cool we've had some time i do as well i feel um i feel fucking insane thinking about it. But I feel like already it feels like a million years ago. Yeah. Which is crazy. I think the way I've been sort of describing it

when people are like, oh, how was it? I've been saying I think it's probably one of the most insane moments of my life. Oh, God, that really brings tears to my eyes. Do you agree, though? No, I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more in fact. Highlights of this episode just really make so clear.

This is the biggest thing that we need to get off our chest. Thank you, thank you, thank you. A million times over, thank you. It was like a horrible rainy day. And you actually went through the slog of leaving your house. Getting on a train train some of you potentially bloody writing us letters the people that wrote us letters we went back to our airbnb that we're staying in and read them all like we really got into our pajamas like took our makeup

sitting in bed like reading your letters like we're welling up like it was it was wow thank you so much and everyone who like sent us messages and everyone who just thought to themselves oh i hope sephie and wing are having a good time in cambridge yeah thank you so much do you know what was so funny as well like i was preparing all day like okay you're gonna feel nervous later you're gonna feel nervous later we walked into cambridge uni i was gonna say the building we walked into came the cambridge university um the college that we did the talk i found out was founded by henry the eighth interesting big deal interesting fact no big no big deal um and as soon as we walked in um i just started to see some people's faces and people oh hi hi

and honestly that's the best bit never felt more relaxed in my life i was like oh we all know each other i'm with the girls like this is fine it's the look in the eyes of someone that has listened that knows like that's yeah it's the best look in the world like you guys you look so beautiful with that look on your face it's so sweet like just so happy and sweet and just so funky yeah it's just like wow so much luxury of a lifetime yeah i i there was even a point on stage i spilt my drink on myself i spilt my drink on my breast on my boob and i wasn't embarrassed at all i literally was like oh god something was gonna happen i was like yeah that's the sort of thing i knew something would happen something

always happens but that's the spirit of the eve i think that's how comfortable i feel with you guys we all are together an inch of embarrassment no no it was yeah it was the best thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for coming i hope everyone we haven't met yet who has even like the whisper of a desire to cross paths with us can't wait for that no meaning that i actually can't love you so much and hopefully see you all soon and it's actually one of my favorite things as well something else i want to get off my chest is just having that moment where like i look over at you and i'm like we're at cambridge i know it makes me giggle what the fuck yeah it makes me giggle just thinking about it it's fucking crazy it's so funny yeah i'm really

feeling yeah i'm feeling so proud of us at the moment so so i'm just happy to be here yeah um okay so this is an interesting episode i'm quite excited for this okay good your concept you just sort of came up with it you said it's something you think about a lot i think about it all the time the idea of like we all know that everything's shower right i get it scrub the dead skin off of your shins i get it and like you need to sit down after yeah but i need to take my brain out of my skull put it into like a scalding hot room wow i need to towel dry it i need to be rough i need to go like i need to scrub it scrub it down rinse me off put it back in my head and let me i just want it head empty no thoughts just clean

empty no thoughts just clean wow fresh that's what i need i need to take my brain into the shower and rinse it the fuck off scrub it down everything exfoliate i need everything every expensive product i have needs to be used on this brain i mean it sounds absolutely excited just thinking about it that's what i need to do and that's what we're going to aim to do now and that's what we're going to do today so put your brain in our hands yeah give it to us in the safe honestly go for a walk or whatever we've done in about half an hour oh my god that's what i need yeah the everything shower for the mind for the mind oh hi i i god it does sound nice it sounds really fucking good so what's the first thing we're doing how do we go about this well i think you've taken us i think you've hit the nail on the head at the beginning there by saying get outside maybe yeah i do think that's a good

action it's probably a good thing to do my immediate thing is like whenever anyone says that i'm like ah it kind of makes me clam up because i know it's the classic it's drink more water it's turn off and on again it's it's like have you thought about getting some fresh air for the first time in two days you fucking idiot like maybe there's a tiktok going around at the moment that's like it's sure this says like i've got a headache or like i don't feel good or like oh i'm just feeling kind of off something like that and it's like have you been outside no have you drunk any water no have you eaten anything no the one that got me was like have you limited

your screen time no it's like no i've drunk the water in fact i've done the opposite like i kind of had overlooked that of like i haven't necessarily been on social media but it's like but you've been watching youtube all day or like you have been consuming all day it's like no you haven't limited your screen time like that it's like you could have drunk water and gone outside all the stuff but it's like oh shit they got foiled again it's the honestly honestly and it is really the classic thing of like for some reason we all think we're like the medical anomaly that is exempt from these like classic human rules of like what feels good for a human being to live and it's like no no i don't need to drink more to their like no no i don't i'm okay to stay inside for two weeks it's like no you're not no you're not i'm so sorry you're not no so i do think

saying get outside is probably i even think if getting outside feels too much of a stretch open the window stick your head out the window that's what i do sometimes even to be honest open the curtains like that's one that i have in the morning when i feel so real like edward cullen i'm like he yeah kind of hissing at the window like get away from me yeah i even have it in the morning where it's like okay so i'm gonna it's like okay so i feel really i don't want to get out of bed it's like okay well let's just try opening the curtains like yeah soon enough it's like you kind of acclimatize to the light and it's like oh yeah i'll get up yeah it's like being in a dark i would actually say something i bought this is a financial investment although you can do it for cheap yeah you know what i'm gonna say my mom just got one oh really well i

got one for my boyfriend so basically come the winter time my boyfriend is leaving the house in the dark and coming home in the dark yeah not nice like on the days that he's going into the office it's i can feel him leave the bed and i'm like i should start a podcast um but if you even just generally i think if you struggle with getting up or like in the winter you've got a jam-packed schedule and you go through your days and it's like shit i actually haven't had much time outside in the fresh air in the sun whatever or just in general like if you really love your sleep and you find it hard to wake up and you're not like an insomniac like me who wakes up like 5am jumps out of bed like okay here we fucking go oh shit here we go

again sort of vibe i found like one of those sun sun lamps on amazon it's quite cheap to be honest i got one that was 30 quid from a brand called loomy and i feel like loomy is probably the best one it's not sponsored but i fucking wish it was um and it's really good like it just gently makes the room warm and sunny so like say for example it's like right i need to wake up at seven from maybe half six it starts just like lightening up and you can have like bird song playing or whatever the idea i think is that by seven o'clock by your wake-up time whenever it may be you are kind of naturally awake yeah listening to this gorgeous bird song soaking in the gorgeous artificial sunlight yeah um and i feel like if you're someone that struggles with waking up that is like just

maybe keep that in mind of all that you're probably gonna buy yourself like a fucking seven pound iced coffee later on like why don't you as well just quickly yeah yeah maybe also just keep in mind that that might be something that in terms of like elevating your life or like making a small choice almost just like putting the effort in to make your life easier because i also think as well so i'm going on now but no i saw someone saying i had i saw again it was a tiktok i can't even lie and it was these girls having a conversation they were they were doing my bit they were doing my my gag my brand about and we've had this conversation so many times about like skincare and like washing my

face and like putting moisturizer on for example that for me is really important and when i do that i feel so good and they were kind of saying that it's like because for so long i just didn't think i was like valuable enough to take the time to fucking wash my face and put a moisturizer on like gee like it cut like it comes from like a neglectful place or it comes from a place of like self-hatred to not take the time to just like do something a bit nice for yourself and like something that you enjoy and i really feel like as i get older as well maybe i just think more about the choices that i can make to make my life um nicer and more pleasant because i think my instinct my um like kind of my go-to response my immediate response is always like well no i can't

do that like what more would i do who the fuck do i think i am to like get myself sushi for lunch who the fuck do i think i am sort of thing and it's like no no if you can spend four quid on sushi for lunch i think you should spend four quid on sushi for lunch yeah it's probably gonna be quite shit sushi but you should do it you know it's not terrible i think the sun lamp i think do you know i mean that is a nice way to get some life into you in the in the morning definitely because i think we almost we you kind of forget how bad that feeling is like i think i actually really forgot from years to be honest of kind of waking up on my own schedule your own time and like just as you should and then just life after uni yeah wasn't working in nine to five i haven't done that in years and i was i didn't have that feeling but now whenever i go into the cafe i'm like, which I have handed in my notice for now.

Have you? Yeah, I have. It's really sad, actually. I would love to stay, but I just, it's time to go. I've given them months, months, months of notice. But it was just, well, a couple months notice, but sad. Yeah. That is really sad.

Yeah, it is really sad. I'll go back whenever I'm back home, though. Yeah. Because it's so nice. is really sad i'll go back whenever i'm back home though um yeah because it's so nice but i when i'm getting up to go there i'm literally like god i forgot how horrific this feeling is like i would only ever have that for airports or whatever and i think we almost as a as a society it's like everyone is having this feeling every morning where they get up way too early for their body feel ill to be honest it's

a sickening ill feeling getting up in the dark and going day after day as well but almost no one's allowed to talk about how bad that feeling is because it to be honest it's a capitalist get the fuck on with it totally that we're not talking about it it's a scheme like it's not very much by design it's not fair that you're not allowed to be like i i i wouldn't mind some sunlight makes me feel sick i feel sick i'm having to shovel down breakfast before i'm even hungry for breakfast worst feeling on the planet even like in line with the kind of screen time and and like waking up and being dragged out of bed in the dark it's god it sounds horrible horrible getting dragged out of bed even worse you it's god it sounds horrible horrible getting dragged out of bed

you're having to drag yourself you're doing it yourself dragging yourself out of i hate it's insane but i think it's also like kind of in that way that we all see ourselves as the anomaly who doesn't need things like sunlight or water or fresh air or like nutrients it's like you know i can get by with the bare minimum i don't need to do skincare like i don't have the energy i'm just a scrap i don't need that that feels like lavish extras and i think it's because we're so partly because we're so detached from literally the reality that we're human beings on a planet somewhere whatever that means that to wake up and drag yourself out of bed in the dark and get your phone in your hand immediately and kind of like scroll through

tiktok on your commute for 45 minutes feels more natural than being able to prioritize getting some sunlight taking a vitamin do you know i mean like those sorts of things that like and that's kind of what i mean even like taking vitamins is i mean i'm not in the habit of taking vitamins at the moment but that's the kind of thing that if someone said to me have you thought about taking vitamins i would roll my eyes out of fucking town because i my instinct is to be like i'm not worth taking vitamins do you know what i mean no no i don't know i don't know what it means to be like i'm not worth taking vitamins because vitamins do seem like i don't even know if i believe in them almost like people take vitamin d and feel really good and it's like yeah if you're not getting

enough sunlight maybe think about it i think the instinct or like i'm not i'm not worth doing so i'm not worth getting a sun lamp mine isn't that it's like i'm not worth like i think it's genuinely that it's almost it seems like it's just a habit to move through this life not caring that it's not it's almost like it hasn't even occurred that it's like an issue of self-worth for people me included yeah so it's almost just like you just go through the motions of like well i haven't got a sun like i'm just i haven't fucking got around to getting a fucking sun like that yeah but i think the crux of that is like well because i don't deserve i don't deserve to wake up nicely i don't deserve what it takes to like sit down and make that even make myself aware of the fact that other people have

sun lamps and they like them and then look into sun lamps and then buy a sun lamp and then use the sun lamp like that process feels so far i think for loads of people wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until j 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Years before ACT UP, before HIV was discovered, before the history you know, there were people on the front lines of the fight against AIDS.

Joe Sonnabin. Michael Callen. Bobby Campbell. I'm Dane Stewart, and in the new season of my podcast, Resurrection, I tell the stories of heroes of the early AIDS movement.

Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives go check out resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com oh the sun lamp i mean you can switch out for whatever yeah x y and z whatever insert insert useful item yeah of whatever that may be that interchangeable thing that could make your life

nicer the process of involving that and like creating that moment in your life feels so fucking distant and insane i think the crux of that is because you think i can just get by without it because i'm not important enough or i'm not deserving of having a nicer life and also these things cost money it's like budgeting it totally because it's like okay so that to buy the sun lamp is three hours of my life that's one of the things that always has stopped me from doing things like that it's like i know that i know right now for example in my life i have to keep getting massages because i've got as my osteopath told me you wouldn't believe my back the shoulders on this girl is i am honestly so tense like i think i'm chronically tense i was asking my i've got an osteopath within the last few months and

because wing massage my back and also this woman that i work with was like do you want a massage and she was like jesus your back is like i actually gasped and recoiled when i touched your shoulders just for a second i was like what this doesn't feel human and the osteopath said that i was like is this normal and she was like yeah for a 40 year old and i was like oh god it's not nice it's really not nice and i'm always i've always been in pain i think it's a combination of just being of having boobs big boobs from the age of like 10 and also just having a tense body and just being a tensor in life yeah um and yeah i my back is so so so tense it's horrible um it's actually we haven't made that clear horrible i must you know i must emphasize how painful yeah it is but almost i've just been going through my entire life

exactly um just i i honestly didn't know that because everyone talked about oh i've got like back pain or like oh my shoulders hurt i almost didn't connect the fact that mine was like an abnormal um level of tension to be carrying in your shoulders in life yeah um in your literal spine and the osteopath is expensive it's my one is 50 pounds a time which feels yeah i mean that feels completely lavish it's a heavy price to pay and almost like um a crazy amount of money to spend like i don't know once every three weeks or something that's just not something i do but i was like you actually need to go sort of thing i think it's like the money is one of the main things that stops people that it feels horrific yeah first of all if you don't i haven't had that money that kind of money in yet like i've never really had that amount of disposable income but now that i

have it it's suddenly like and we have it by a scrape um it's not like god suddenly we're falling it's like as soon as that was even a possibility yeah um it's like right okay you have to do that because it like has to be a priority to look after yourself exactly and i think sometimes as well it's about taking a hard look at yourself and kind of the seven pound not to be like millennial gen z hater and be like stop buying avocado toast and then you can buy a house which is obviously yeah at a con and an insane statement it's just a yeah it's just pathetic you guys know yeah but more so like at least for me personally sometimes i have to be i have to take a look at myself and be realistic and be like almost the story that i'm telling myself is i can't afford that i can't afford that but the things that i'm

like oh i can afford that it's like yeah i'm being yeah it's convenient the things that i will and won't allow myself to part the money with if that makes sense because it feels lavish to be like exactly going to go and for example go to go to the osteopath and get my never heard of such sort of massage yeah no good for you as you should well it's not nice it's not this is the thing it's like oh yeah i said to you is it pleasant and you were like no it's horrible it's so painful it's so painful because she's like undoing like years and years but it's really important my shoulders being by my ears it's really fucking important it is she was yeah she was honestly gobsmacked yeah she was like this is so hard like it's actually

horrible yeah but she was that she said that the whole complex um just some osteopath updates for you the whole complex of my spine oh is 70 better now she would say but the area i've got a an issue my like ribs and shit stuck together she said or something that's like a crazy thing oh yeah honestly i don't know it's just like a trap nerve a trap nerve which is causing this tension to like spill out all over my fucking body all down my arms i've had pins and needles in my arms sorry osteopath for being vegan yeah so i've had pins and needles in my arms every night for about six years and i thought it was a b12 deficiency um i was like okay it must be because i'm vegan i had all these tests and stuff i was like must be anemic my b12's great all my vitamins high high high and nailing the eye and

nailing the b12 and i was like what is going on then it turns out this fucking trapped nerve in my back has like spilled down my arms and it gives me pins and needles every night insane um like horrific that wake me up sort of thing bizarre genuine i actually remember that's one of the first things you said to me when we first met i remember you saying that in first about my pins and needles yeah so it's so weird though because i was like why am i getting you up in the night and i was like that is not good well she said that thing that's causing all of that that trap nerve is um 30 better well that's good good how many 50 quids is it gonna cost to make it 100 better that's my question i don't know well i've only been three times and she said the whole complex she would say roughly 70 better

when you said the whole complex i thought you were gonna say the whole osteopath complex the whole center it's hard it's like a woman in a room it's not talking about your spine for example i thought it was like all of us here at the complex have been talking about you and we're we're flabbergasted no genuinely she was they are yeah but i think that's one of the things that was like that always felt too lavish and just like okay i can't spend my money on that but actually um to have pins and needles for years and years and years of your life and like be in pain constantly it's like i think that should be a priority let's try and make even if it's a thing you're saving sure it should be a priority of things yeah um it also reminds me of something that i know we've said a few times before but you reminded me when you were saying like i didn't know almost like

the the pain of your shoulders was disproportionate to like what a human being should be experiencing and just on the mental angle i would love to drop in and just remind everyone i know we've said this before but like if you're struggling if you feel like you can't almost keep up with what other human beings are seemingly able to do around you or like you're just not able to enjoy your life in the way that you want that to me from where i'm standing warrants you taking time to find help yeah making a priority let's make your like that is bad enough yeah i almost think a lot of people like wait until it's terrible it's just yeah or even then it's like it's actually never gonna be bad enough um until you kill yourself it's never gonna you're never gonna feel like you're worth it

until it's over it's too late or you even if you don't kill yourself it's like okay so you get to your dying day at 105 and you've lived your most depressed your whole life miserable and and you don't deserve that like you deserve to be able to go and get help you deserve to try and get better and it's not normal and you should probably get some help yeah the harry styles thing and also i think it's kind of i think we don't hold it kind of close enough on a daily basis probably because it's so weird and um uncomprehendable ungraspable like you literally can't go there every day but i do think it's really good to remind yourself every now and then that it's like you get one shot at this life like

this is one your one life it's like okay so do you want to spend it i.e with back pain with a miserable really painful mind like loads of shit going on do you want you're within the realms of like you're a human and you will have struggles in your life there are certain things that like shouldn't be continuing for your whole life there are certain things that are worth getting help for and also like what are we just giving up like god we're quite young to be giving up guys do you know what i mean like is that is that what this is can you live 70 more years with it yeah how much longer can we keep doing this no i don't think you need to and i think go on hand it over share it with us share it with the people in your life like this is the most cringe um annoying truth of life

when you have shit going on and it's painful oh oh my God, it makes it so much easier to just like share it with all the people that you love. And it's like, I would happily, every day, I would wake up, sit next to you, Sefi, open my mouth wide and let you funnel in all of the shit that you've got. Oh God, don't you dare. But make us both feel better. It's like sharing your struggles

with the people in your life, people that you trust, whatever. It just makes it so much more easy and it's also like that's kind of what life is about it's miss whitney's catchphrase remember i told you about miss whitney a problem shared shared it's a problem halved which and she's so which my mom did tell me that miss whitney didn't come up with that she didn't come up with it but she was told it to me good for her for telling you guys that because it's important and it's also like by sharing the problem not only do half it

but you also like we've me and zeffie have had a lot of funny conversations about awful times or like we have some of my bonding moments in life or just funny memories even have been discussing like really awful things or yeah sometimes like you can actually lighten things up a little bit you know do you know what i actually think i have something that is a really good everything shower for the mind like i actually have something that when i do this thing i really feel like i've been showered it's a meditation and i'm gonna literally give you the direct um thing to type in it is the most random thing it's like a fucking weird pdf or whatever like it's a on a google drive thing but if you type in his name is russ harris that is russ harris my therapist gave me this and the thing is called making room for painful emotions or painful feelings type both that's nice okay this thing is 15 minutes long and i have i do

this meditation whenever i'm feeling like a thing that i feel uncomfortable with a pit in my stomach something that uh something no no no it's painful feeling uh no oh my god transformative this 15 minute thing and one of the things that you just said reminded me of the thing he says at the end um he's like i'm russ yeah of russ i think he's like from new zealand or something he's like a therapist or something i don't know who he is but this 15 minutes god it's incredible i'm gonna use it my whole life i think yeah um it's a friend for life honestly russ harris friend for life um he's got a bit of a sassy we're in it together yeah i like him yeah um he also has this thing called the struggle switch which is like turning off love it when you're struggling struggling struggling it's like just turn it off oh

oh lovely it's a youtube video you should watch it it's really good yeah yeah all the is classic like i've been sent these links by my therapist but it's specifically this making room for painful emotions all these things um that's really good he says at the end like he basically walks you through like physicalizing the emotion and being like um oh it's kind of it's a heavy feeling oh it's sharp and it's it would be black if it was in a color and it was swirling around like you really pretend like an object in your body essentially and then you kind of move through like compassion and all of this stuff and like breathing into the emotion and like being okay with it being in like sitting in your stomach or whatever and then at the end he's like consider the fact that um like that's what it means to be human

like this is you as a human like divine essentially it's kind of good it's like it's actually encouraged and like all these negative things like as you say we laugh about them like we have funny conversations about negative things that happen because it's like that is the human condition that is part of the experience that you're having in a human body it doesn't make mean you're evil or bad or no it doesn't mean oh god like my my brain even though i want to give it an everything shower whatever we're saying it doesn't mean it's dirty or faulty or anything yeah it's just like that is what it means to be human to be messy and all of the stuff and i just think that is so important to

consider because i think we ignore that on a daily basis we really think that it's like we're always just trying to get this like neutral clean um kind of perfect state but it's like carrying all of the shit yeah on your daily business your daily business on my daily business he says a great thing at the end of the thing as well that he's like are you willing to hold the feeling sort of like have the um negative thought have the negative feeling in your body um and still like pursue the things you want to do in life like are you willing to sit and do a podcast still feeling anxious it's like yeah i'm willing to yeah i guess i can i can do it with the feeling still here it's just not as nice saying at the moment is like you guys that you're so resilient you're so much more resilient than

you give yourself credit for like it's going to be unpleasant maybe it's going to be actually really fucking awful it might be so hard but i trust that you can do it i trust that you can get to the other side of it because you've done that time and time again and also your ancestors hundreds and hundreds of years before you have done it time and time again it's what we do it's what we're built to do take shit and keep going yeah do it with your eyes closed yeah i love that stunning god i feel fresh as day you feel everything i do a bit yeah yeah i'm definitely i'm going to everything later i'm definitely going to you're gonna have an everything physically everything yeah i've been really showering very well recently i'm not i'm really not showering

i'm shaving my legs all the time oh hell no i'm really enjoying it oh my god really what are you enjoying because i'm moisturizing all the time you're just like cleaning my body body feeling yeah smooth and and just happy and just happy god yeah no i know i do i think i go through such phases with that but yeah no i'm definitely not shaving my legs at the moment jesus no i'm shaving them all the time midwinter i know this is a whole new person we'll see stunning um love you guys yeah thank you so much for listening to this i hope you feel everything yeah um everything ever all at once um yeah we love you if you don't hear know who from us, assume the worst. Assume the worst. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. We'll see you next time.