Goes Without Saying - how to Feel OK: 'everything shower' for the mind #1

Episode Date: March 31, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on body image, anxiety & agoraphobia, hustle culture, burnout, bed rotting, active rest, flop eras, & Paper Rings. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives. Go check out Resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Goes Without Saying. You're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. This is how to everything shower your mind. Take the brain out, put it on the side. We're going to hose it down. We're going to dry dry you off you're going to be squeaky clean we're on a journey by the end of for example august let's

say we will be scrubber dub dubs we're freshening up we're cleaning a mission and i am so ready for that mission are you yeah we've been sprucing ourselves up hey we have we have just just for you guys i don't feel that spruce right now though i feel more spruce than i did when i first got on facetime with you which is boy do i yeah yeah i was just saying to you you just cheer me up so much and i started singing oh i think that i found myself a cheerleader but truly yeah we have just spruced up quite a lot during we have we freshened up for you guys we're making an effort today we are making an effort let's get straight in we. We are getting a bit, not territorial, but we're pissing all over the concept of the everything shower for the mind.

This is ours. This is ours. We're claiming it. This is the journey that we're on. We sometimes do this with, we did it with pod mothers. It's like, shit, people will take that. It's us. We're the pod mothers.

We're the pod mothers. No one else can take it. It's like, no one's tried. Don't worry. No one would ever want to take it. no one's tried don't worry would ever want to take it no one wants your weird concept nobody's coming harry write it on a handbag write it on a handbag sell it as much it's like no one wants it handbag that's what i don't insane but this is very much our brand i was just saying to you we are on constantly on the mission of scrubber dub dubbing squeaky

cleaning the mind in the most gentle and loving way possible take my brain out put it on the side spray it hose it down honestly hose it down get a little shimmy little blow dry is that what's called a shimmy leather a shammy leather oh shammy leather sorry i am actually i don't know i remember one time i walked around um my should i say this yeah i walked around nebworth with my friend because i think she was where's that nebworth it's just this place and i was walking around barefoot because i only had a certain pair of shoes and i'd been out the night before and i was probably like 15 and i was i was wearing my dress from the night before and bare feet oh god it's a rough look it's such a rough look god knows why she didn't lend me any shoes actually out of order but anyway like even some flip-flops could you spare i actually don't know why i was running around barefoot but anyway in public by the way like on

the concrete we were we were going and we went around trying to sell cakes that we had bought from the shop and we were like do you want to buy a cupcake for a quid and then she was quite a business she's actually still she now she actually does sell cakes she's very business-minded oh my god yeah that's actually kind of funny with you wow but another thing we did was we walked around nebworth i think or was it somewhere else? I think I might be getting my towns wrong but anyway we walked around and I was barefoot. And we were offering to

wash people's cars and one man said you've left loads of marks all over it. Why have you not used your shammy shimmy leather or whatever? So then he gave us his shimmy leather to use. Shammy leather. And then we stole it for our next jobs what the hell what is this story i don't know it's a weird little memory

you as well like that's such like who is this girl i don't recognize her i can't quite make out who this is i was under the influence of my mate i would never do so i'm like so not business-minded as you can tell no you are you are i'm not in a different way though you are um i just yeah i just wouldn't be selling cake or no cleaning car washing a car i'm not good at those things no those aren't necessarily strong points of either us of us i must say walking around barefoot do you want me to clean your car it's like um i'm all right thanks also wearing like a dress like uh i think a little dress from top shop is like are you okay is everything okay at home

you know generally like what's going on like 14 15 really really quite strange anyway so we're the kind of people that you should be taking life advice from on that note definitely definitely let's get straight in i guess so i think we want to do this in a few sort of sections i hope you like this because it might be a bit of a recurring um series we're hoping well we want to take you on the journey we do because this isn't a one part thing you don't just do one thing and oh well, well done, my mind's squeaky clean. You don't have a shower one time. You get dirty once again. Wings being shammy leathering away at our brains overnight with no shoes on.

And it's not going to be clean. There's going to be marks all over it. You have one shower, wake up the next day. It's like, well, I think you might need to shower again at some point. Yeah, little grubby girl. So getting out into the real world, I think that's a good place to start with like, okay, so look at you. your brain is a mess. Jesus, look at you.

It's a total mess in here. There's shit all over the place. It's pigsty. You've honestly let this turn to shit around here. And I speak for all of us that's like, come on guys, let's open a window in here. Let's get some fresh air in here. So true. It's a mess.

I think step one is we need to get outside we need to see some people of the real world not people of the internet no those are not real people we're not real i think it's important to note like take this podcast what we're going to do is we're going to go through the pod you're going to listen to this you're going to take in the advice and then you're going to get outside and remind yourself that you are a human being living a human experience on a floating rock out in space yeah i was saying to sephi like before we started recording i was like the more you become embedded in like this essentially like farce like this fake world of like being bombarded with people you'll never meet and situations you'll

never be in and like experiences you'll never have you feel more and more disconnected from the reality like the tangible fact that you are a human being and it will make you feel worse and worse and worse so let's cut that yeah let's break that cycle definitely i think one of the big things that always does kind of help me and I remember this is when I was having a lot of therapy about body image and which I still struggle with in so many ways but also I don't in this specific way anymore but the or actually I don't even know if I really do anymore I've come on leaps and bounds I must say um but one of the things they said they were like

when you walk onto the street i think i've said this before on the podcast but when you walk out onto the street so you'll be on your social media whatever you'll be on online and everyone we all know it they all look a certain kind of way they to be honest all look the same yes you go out onto the street and it's like oh my god i think i actually forgot what human beings look like i actually think that somehow escaped my memory of the fact that especially in the pandemic definitely during the pandemic well you just didn't really see anyone i don't see real people you haven't seen paws in years literally that's what a human is i remember like seeing people and being like oh my god we have like paws on our skin like yeah i thought we were in animal crossing villages i really and it was kind of nice

but yeah it wasn't real but when you go out it's like oh yeah i forgot that like i'm not a failure um sort of piece of shit sort of alien person it's like oh my god i'm actually like a young girl in this world who let's say it i would be like i look pretty damn good on this street when i'm looking around the real people it's like yeah okay i'm not too yeah sad about my position here yeah yes that is exactly i think we'll forget it because it's like as we all know we're in these little voids where you're we're all just comparing ourselves to like complete completely obviously unattainable images but we seem to forget that we all know they're unattainable 100 and it's so not grounded in anything like to be honest real in your life like no it's so there's so much the energy that we're being given all the time it's giving

superficial it's giving surface level all the time and if you can even just get into the garden if you have one i don't but even if you can literally get on your front doorstep like if getting out into the real world is daunting for you i think we can break it down into like some manageable chunks like something i always do as well or something i always say and something i think is a good first step is like you said opening the window yeah getting fresh air is really like it's kind of wet paper towel and fresh air it's like oh jesus there is a world out here it's like god i i was sent to welfare yeah honestly smell the smells yeah see the sights so where would you recommend so this first step i think if you've got you've

got managed to get out of bed you've managed to get out of your room let's say you've managed to get out of your house okay what are we recommending a walk a trip to the supermarket oh where are we saying to go supermarket you could do maybe you'll get overwhelmed easily it's a bit i'm giving agoraphobia from this angle i'm'm giving like, for whatever reason, I'm finding that difficult. I even, before I got outside, like I actually think something about the real world is it doesn't even have to be like, get outside and see your neighbour. No. It is Easter as we're recording this.

I feel like I'm making a lot of religious, what did I just say? Are you? In what way? Didn't I just, oh, I just meant, I just literally said jesus christ i think i just said the lord's name in vain my mistake this is the day that he rose he has written but it's not even about turn to your neighbor etc etc i don't think if getting outside even is still in the future i think getting into the real world can be as simple as getting in the shower or like reading a book or listening to your favorite song or like stretching or like literally

dancing like i dance around this flat 24 fucking seven yeah if i'm home alone i'm dancing in the living room and actually sometimes and i know how your alexa just turns on in the middle and she does yeah so i like to entertain her and i will even go as far as to my dog you guys don't maybe i should introduce him i know you know him but if you don't he's a chihuahua new yorkshire terrier mix and he loves to borrow seffy knows this he loves to borrow like under a blanket many a time he loves to hide away yeah i mean many times i have nearly sat on him yeah and if he's in the living room with me and i'm like i need to dance i will actually cover him with a blanket so he doesn't watch me

like i'll actually cover him up like i'll be like you can just stay under there for a sec because i just have some business yeah you actually don't you've honestly you've seen enough does he ever come and look dog sometimes he'll watch me you know when a dog's looking at you like the judgment in their eyes the confusion just honestly confusion of like i don't understand what is this i don't understand and i don't like it i don't like what i'm seeing if i'm honest but i just think getting into your body being a human eat something amazing have some water really annoying feel water on your skin have an actual physical shower something that is like really like almost intrinsic to the human experience i also saw this article recently

and i didn't read it i just saw the headline and like the kind of abstract yeah i just saw the first few lines and it was saying like how we have i don't know the word they use they used a great word and i'm just going to butcher it but they were talking about how kind of the arts have been now misrepresented as things that you are good at or bad at rather than things that you just do like singing or dancing or painting like that is intrinsic to our being as humans on this planet yeah but for some reason in this modern age it's not about something you just do it's about something you have to qualify for like there's almost a barrier for entry of like these activities but it's not about yeah having a talent in them it's about like it's literally a part of being human is like tapping your foot or like shaking shimmy

leathering about when you hear you know it literally is shimmying like well do you remember there was the whole conversation i think this was a huge thing around the pandemic i think it you can still feel the remnants of it although i feel like we've also kind of forgotten it as a society but the whole thing about like you don't have to monetize your hobbies yeah that whole thing you don't have to monetize your hobbies which obviously in the capitalist world it's so romanticized and like encouraged for everyone to have like a side hustle get out on the streets in your bare feet and sell cupcakes and sell those cupcakes yeah it's like you like baking all of a sudden you have to turn that into your job you like chatting with your mate all of a sudden you're talking you're doing adverts on it it's

completely strange it's completely strange yeah and it's completely um i don't know it's like sold as completely like the path that that's how you kind of make it in capitalism to kind of love your job and you won't work a day in your life sort of thing it's like why how about we take work out of this yeah why has it got to be work and i get that it's like not everyone like there's so many ways that i don't know it's a complete luxury to be able to be a baker because you love baking uh-huh but also say that you work in an office or say that you do fucking anything it doesn't mean that you can't just love baking for baking and not take any photos of it not make any money not start a fucking instagram of it not start selling money not start a fucking instagram of it

not start selling fucking cooking ebooks all that stuff if you want to do that that's amazing but also you can just cook slightly shit gingerbread me every now and then and still enjoy it 100 that's part of it and i do think that actually is um one of the huge areas of like human joy and actually like human sanity that we just completely ignore it's like just don't like that you I kind of think you can't really be happy unless you're being creative in some way yeah because I also think like I don't know if I've ever I anytime I've known someone who has said they're not creative, it actually kind of baffles me because... I think it's a blanket statement that actually, I don't think anyone means that.

I should hope they don't. I'm talking about, there's one person in particular who might not think that I'm going to talk about them, but I very much am because I remember, and I know you know this person, I'm not going to say who they are just in case they don't want to be known as the person who... Oh, I would love to know who this is. I'll tell you, but I'm not going to say like their name even though some of you guys might know who they are go on yes she was like queen queen and she said i'm just not creative person blah blah blah and i was like and i've said this on the podcast before question mark question mark question mark

i i actually like refuse kind of like you know on a game when like a character says something and then a character replies like question mark question mark question mark that's my text bubble right now is question mark question mark question mark how how can you say that it's not real and i think it fits into that idea of like we're being sold certain pressures or like there is an implication existing in this modern world where if you have something as a hobby you kind of feel like you have to prove it yeah and i would like to remind everyone for some reason you come to this life with nothing to prove nothing nothing to prove you wake up today with nothing to prove by the way just who you are more than enough you've actually got nothing to prove today you've done it you're checked off

i've checked everything off your list so you can just you can chill out now yeah there's nothing to prove here yeah i think we're so hard on ourselves and with the idea of like being creative there's so much pressure around like what something worthy looks like and i think anything you feel compelled to do and i would like to see you try listening to a fucking um an amazing song like oh do you know a song that i do like now oh yeah i like shiny things but i marry you with paper rings uh-huh that's right my little darling you're the one i want wow what a fucking banger and i would like to see you listen to fucking paper rings without literally moving a muscle i would like to see you try and it's not about measuring the like worth of what you're contributing to society it's about

existing on the planet because also there is no like there's no path there's no there is no measurable worth in that the only route to the end of life is enjoyment surely love 100 fulfillment peace in your own body in your own community god this is getting a bit who knew we were gonna peace in your community all right but it's so true it's so true show me something more meaningful than peace in your community i'll wait i'm still waiting wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until july 14th it's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Also, I think with the creativity stuff, I have a friend who I don't think she'll mind me telling this story because she'll know who it is once i say this but we throughout school we've known each other since we were like we became really good friends in year five so i don't know how old you are oh babies nine yeah babies and we went through secondary school together the whole way

through we always got the we did the same gcses and the same a level i just know we did one different a level but we always just did the exact same thing and we always your friend sophie this is sophie yeah can we say that name or no uh yeah we can say so i don't think she'll mind lots of love but we um always always always got the exact same grade in everything we did and we were doing creative subjects we were doing english literature drama great history we were doing as well stunning she went on to study history the holy trinity actually truly the holy trinity the best things you can study in life i would i would put english and history in there and then i would say switch

out that third for whatever is most drama meaning you have drama for example yeah totally i would say drama is important for everyone but you know switch it in for whatever same but i think i think history is drama just in a different way it's like we sit around english is just history and drama as well they're all the same totally they're all the same that's why i love history because it's like well we're just gossiping about what people did yeah who did it well who did it badly same as incriminated themselves it's english it's like just in english you get to hear their thoughts and what did they say about that when they did and then in drama you get to be them well that's iconic that's iconic yeah go on go on let's go we always got the exact same grades and everything. I have always grown up identifying as, even though I kind of hate...

You can't help that. I don't particularly like, it feels like I'm on The Apprentice. I'm creative. I'm a creative person. I don't like it in a capitalist way. But I always grew up knowing that I loved making things and writing and drawing or doing the arty sides of things I always knew that that was something I am more drawn to yeah my other friend who was doing the exact same subject exact same grades everything she was like I am not creative she will she has always said I'm

not creative like she's Sophie she says I'm not creative and she she might dispute this if she listens to this I don dispute this if she listens to this i don't know if she does but you we've had these conversations and i don't think she would dispute it but she said i don't think i'm creative and she would always say oh i didn't like it when we did like creative writing like you would love that and i would always hate it and i just think she's so creative because you cannot get good grades in these subjects without having a creative mind you just can't so i think it just comes down to the story as everything does in this life everything comes down to stories yeah it's

just the story that you told yourself from an early age or that you were told from an early age about who you are you were creative enough to tell yourself the made-up story of the fact that you are not creative when here you are literally factually being creative you're a creative writer you're a creative genius you're a director you're perfection so true it's crazy actually yeah it's all about the stories it's the same really we've had a bit of a war against this in our in our previous podcast lives um on this podcast you can go hear it um but we've spoken a bit about um sort of oh i'm a morning person i'm a this person i'm this person i just hate brown sauce i just hate brown sauce

do you guys have brown sauce i just hate ketchup when was the last time i've never liked ketchup i've never liked ketchup it's like why don't you give it a go again because you've changed a lot in the past three years i would reckon you could yeah it's identity it's totally identity and harder so much harder to have a good sense of who you are who you have been who you can be who you might be in the future when you're so wrapped up in almost like how would you describe that not i don't want to say social media because i feel like it's more than that but you're so wrapped up in kind of the abstract that surrounds your life present presentation yeah the presentation of yourself and just things that you you just you need to get back in the real world you need to get back in your body also social media really promotes kind of again how do i say this prioritizing the way that your life looks to

other people rather than doing what you actually want and i think it's actually really good training to be like okay so the the girls on youtube and the girls on tiktok or on instagram wherever the fuck you've seen your podcast people on the podcast they tell you that day in the life what it should look like of a cozy day whatever your fucking day is your should be you get up and you do this you have a shower you wash off the rosemary oil from your hair you so beautiful you go for a walk you get your coffee blah blah all of this stuff stunning that gives you a path of something that could be a nice day and i think what we because we've seen it so many fucking times we replicate what our day should look like from all of these other days

rather than actually tuning in and being like pretend no one can see this i'm not having to prove my day i'm not having to fucking vlog my day i'm not having to get sort of feedback on it from someone what do i actually want to do and i don't think that will mean rot in bed because i don't think anyone actually wants maybe for a day or two but yeah yeah and if it's for longer i'm coming in again i've said this multiple times i was actually thinking the other day in the shower that i want to say this again because i almost think i've gotten used to it and i can't believe how much sorry to interrupt i can't believe how much this was so not in my mind but if you are living if

you're really really struggling to live in life and you feel like you have nothing to give and you can't enjoy your life that isn't normal and you should go and get some help like you there are people out there who can help you like you deserve to prioritize yourself take the time go and get some help because it isn't normal and i used to think that like we were all collectively we this human existence we were all really depressed and everyone was just better at getting on with it than me no no not the truth apparently and i have since come out of the other side somewhat and i can see that the way that i was living was not apparently and i have since come out of the other side somewhat and i can see that the way that i was living was not normal and i think when you're in it and you're rotting in bed and it feels extended it's an extended period there's nothing you can do to bring yourself

back to life that is not normal and you deserve to not feel that way and we can fix that you'll be okay long term i think you might want to rot in bed once or twice but i agree with you that should be normalized like i think of course um the only things that that a day in bed actually resting like we know this society is overworked i know you listening right now you will feel overwhelmed burnt out in some way overwhelmed by just this life whatever you're doing that i think is um a given such a normalized state i'm not saying that's good or anything but i think it is completely um established as normal that everyone will feel just like overwhelmed and that's just the state of things we will just get on with it i think it should be

completely encouraged to spend that time in bed or to like rest to the level that you want to but i do think there comes a point where you have to acknowledge when it's tipping over into like a self-destruction thing when rest comes into a point where it's like am i resting anymore like is this actually active rest or is this just um you're sort of just decay yeah it's no it's you're rotting and you're um kind of i don't want to use the word procrastinating your life but you are putting off your life you're you're putting your life you're pausing your life it's not pausing though as well it's like you're actually just running out the clock oh no you are aging yeah it's like it's okay well it's like not even age but it's like the season is changing the time is

passing yeah time is passing and you're not resting yeah there's no better um way to spend time time that is passing than resting and looking after yourself the best thing you can do is look after yourself but when it tips into the thing of like okay now i'm just waiting what to feel better i'm not resting i'm just passing time i'm just existing and it's empty in a horrible state it's horrible and you don't need to feel like that so i hope anyone feeling like that feels like a tiny oh i hope you can just like catch that tiny like wave of like urge of something to catch on to that and like make a phone call like send an email to like get something moving get something outside yeah get outside get in the

shower speak to somebody that you love because you actually long term this is not the way that you're going to be living do you know what we were actually speaking about this before um we recorded and i feel like i say this all the time to you and but i think this like i and i've had some hints on i said some things before on the podcast recently that i'm in just quite a terrible stage of my life at the moment and i was saying to wing just before this entire year actually from basically january until now has been shit it has been such a flop like i am just kind of it has been horrible it's been really hard i'm a hundred percent in a flop era and there's nothing bad about that really like other than the fact it's unpleasant but there's i don't feel any

sort of shame around it or anything it's just like it is just a horrible time that i'm in right now like there is yeah so much going on like i feel like everywhere i look there's a new fucking fire going on there's a scene in hamilton just before he dies where jesus christ we were all so with you and then you said that it's like oh god just before he dies but he's he's imagined death so much it feels more like a memory that bit when he's looking around and there's like every single life is kind of spinning around him like miss mariah reynolds is going past jesus aaron burr's everyone's there and genuinely i i'm like that's kind of how i feel at the moment like everything everywhere i look there's some sort

of like disaster going on there but yeah I just think it's like you sometimes do just have to let these things pass and I know that it will pass and it will be a process and soon my life will be good again but when you're in it genuinely about a month ago i was just i was having to be like am i in a shit period right now or is my life shit like i actually can't even distinguish like is everything terrible or is everything generally good and right now everything is terrible uh-huh and it's been three months now it's the end of march and it is still just everything is so fucking hard at the moment and i don't really see it ending that soon but i also i'm it can't get any worse with summer and i'm just waiting for the day that i'm like oh my god i'm out of that area right now

like i'm in the good area my life is good again can i actually also just say just take a moment to say i love so much really it actually made me feel really because i was gonna say right let me get my thoughts straight just then when you were talking you were saying like look i've just had a shit a few months like this whole year so far has been 24 has been so far it's been a flop down the shitter i think there's a huge level of like it takes i bear with me guys but i think it takes a lot of strength to say something like that like i think it's so much i really do though i actually think it takes a lot to be like look i'm gonna hold my hands up here there's nothing i could do these past few months have not been good for me like it takes a lot of something because i think that concept is really wrapped up in shame like it is really hard to not

let that fucking wear you down and i know like well it has it has i know i know it's been literally i just i think it's i just want to take the moment really honor the moment and been like this has been really fucking hard you've been showing up week after week and even just in life which i did think the other day has that been a good decision as in like have i been pushing too much well i kind of thought i haven't had any um sane thoughts during this time i don't think maybe i have who knows but like my my brain is not firing in its best ways of course yeah i've i've got a good brain guys i don't know if you know about that she does i've got a strong brain yeah but it hasn't been firing on all cylinders recently yeah I feel like you haven't been your best my omega-3 is low of course yeah to say the least yeah I'm just over overwhelmed

at the moment and I was like okay that's annoying that I've had three months of kind of shit brain recorded but then I was thinking I actually honor this version of myself which sounds like a wanker I know but it's so true but I do mean it in that it's like I don't only value the version of myself that is thriving and generally in my life I'm extremely lucky I must say that usually my natural disposition is pretty happy and that I have a good I'm very happy with my life in general yeah so when I am like this it three months of this I mean it's not feeling good I don't really know how to cope with I don't really have any like mechanisms in place but it feels completely unavoidable it feels horrific all of the stuff but then i was like i don't want to say i was like right okay i'm not recording for three months i don't think that would make me

feel very good at all so we'd be poor and i'd be putting you in a very financially bad situation i'd have to come in and by myself and just kind of put on my thumbs i would just say i'm so sorry when you it would be tumbleweeds over here be like hi guys me again let's get let's um call in the understudy yeah honestly i'd maybe recruit some of you like i'd be like do you want to phone in or something does anyone want to talk to me but i was thinking like i'm so glad that because say i come i in a few months when I'm feeling good or whatever whenever things just shift as they inevitably do yeah I would feel like oh that's a shame that I couldn't sort of be with that person and kind of feel that that wasn't you know a good enough thing to share or

whatever yeah so I'm really glad that I've just been like you've been here all the way through I mean you might not even be able to tell but you know what i think for the most part they can't tell yeah a good start to the year i will tell you that it hasn't but i'm i actually feel really i just wish i could take it all from you obviously take all of the shit just kind of can a syringe go backwards yeah of course it can yeah yeah you're pulling i'm trying to pull it out that's sometimes what i feel like my period feels like do you ever feel like you've got a syringe pulling out of you sorry period is the weirdest i was thinking about this the other day as well that like the feeling of a cervix the fact you can feel it the scratch scratch scratch of it oh i don't like scratch scratch scratch it feels like some when i'm not scratching my cervix no no i'm not scratching it that's what

a period feels like that someone is really my cervix yeah because when i had a smear i was like that's the same feeling scratching yeah it almost maybe stabbing to be honest so it's quite sharp very sharp and like achy yeah sharp and dull oh god it's a dull ache it's the worst what i was trying to say is i'm just so proud of you and i really think that i hope and i think you've been really good at like giving yourself the love and like generally like i just think it's it's been really hard so i just feel like i see that and i am with you at every step i hope you feel that yes i do completely and you've been so nice throughout the whole thing oh good thank you i mean i hope so imagine i'd been an arsehole and i think you've been a total bitch

even a total cow no you've been amazing as always okay good it's not over so you're gonna need to continue i'm there for whatever i'm there for literally whatever whenever thank you um i agree with you though because when you were saying as well about like looking back i think you'll be happy that you almost like allowed this version of yourself to come to the podcast i think something that crucial to the everything shout for the mind and kind of yeah what's this whole thing yeah and also kind of like the key to all existence like i kind of think i've got a secret for the whole of humanity is at least for us

anyway the one thing that i think i don't know if i'll ever fully get to grips with is like not hating myself and like not being so annoyed at myself like just for existing yeah and i think it's so important that as you said like you've allowed yourself to come to the podcast in like when you're not feeling your best and i feel like as well that's to me what the whole energy of like if you don't hear from us assume the worst and kind of what i was saying before about just like when your mental health is not there i don't i don't want to labor the i mean it actually can't be overstated like if anyone maybe doesn't realize that if you don't hear from me assume the worst and like us talking about our mental health and stuff like and when i say i've been in the pits it's not a joke like it's

no it's not something we take lightly yeah know i'm not gonna get put this down and start skipping around haha dupe them all running straight to the bank absolutely not like no it is obviously a luxury it's by no means like a difficult task in the grand scheme of things to show up to a podcast every week or whatever but generally speaking we have i hope like at least taught ourselves even if we haven't like shown you guys by example i think we've shown each other sephie and wing as a duo 100 and i think we've shown ourselves over time and we're working on it the fact that you can be any version of yourself and still be valid and you come to this day with nothing to prove and all the things that we just said and like you deserve happiness and it's coming yeah so by august are we saying is that when we want our brains squeaky clean we said that once we said by august we did

say that on the podcast in a video we said it in a video that we're like by august we're having well i just like the idea of not like a limit on it maybe maybe you're right in that it will be a lifelong thing to like not hate yourself too i think it is lifelong but i wouldn't mind us being on a sellable journey just to undercut everything i just said and make it tiktok viral by the end of summer i hope people hear the irony like i we are joking but i'm being dead no but i also want a date that my brain will be clean i'd love to clean your brain more than anything else thank you i hope you also you guys need to know we're coming with the clean your brain energy with the grubbiest

hands totally it's like could you wash them get your filthy paws all over their gorgeous brains is that what we're doing the filthiest filthy paws on my silky drawers yeah yeah we're on the journey together guys all of us okay and this is episode one this is episode one i think it's been a strong episode one me too i've actually really enjoyed it feels almost like a callback to echoes of our past i think it is the ghosts of our past yeah our eyes are and that really is of course we had to get a harry potter reference in there now it's classic um sorry i just showed you my knee yeah face time i kind of averted my gaze i i like looked away i always to um keep your modesty i saw your knee and i thought oh just look away i just lifted up

my my pajama trousers. Yeah, no, I grazed my knee like a little kid. How'd you do that? I don't know. I must have fallen over. I don't remember. Grazed? Yeah.

When I was a kid once, I remember thinking, you know when you graze your hands? Yeah. When you fall and you smack your hands and you graze them? Yeah. I remember thinking when I fell when I was like 12 or something and thinking, that's probably the last time I'll do that. Like, I'm now probably, I'm not a child running around anymore that's probably the last time I'll do that. Like I'm now probably, I'm not a child running around anymore. That's the last time I've probably done that.

And I didn't foresee that I'm someone that falls over all the time. I'm always covered in bruises. I think is worse, worse than the syringe period pain. It's worse than a bruise. I think it's worse than a car, I think. I think a graze, there's a stinging element to it which i really that's wet that's wet paper towel oh

graze yeah i've grazed i don't know how and that's the epitome of me i'm always hurt and i don't know how bad memory and clumsy not a good combination Jesus okay well definitely take advice from us yeah oh definitely hope everyone's alright yeah thanks for being here and if you don't hear from us assume the worst

and I'll try and sell that in an intro