Goes Without Saying - how to find yourself when feeling lost: normalise rebranding! lose the typecast!

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

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Sorry. Fucking hell. This is, you might not believe it, but actually a really good episode. But it does get better i promise um i really like this we're talking about how exciting it is when you don't know who the fuck you are and you've got it all to play for and is there nothing more hashtag relatable content than feeling lost and confused in this big scary world i hope you're feeling good but if you're not i think this episode will make you feel very reassured and comforted and just know wherever you are sephine winger here for you sending you lots of love enjoy stands fucking

hell you can't argue with that that's great yeah i'd listen hey hello what time is it what time do we call this it's 8 19 in the morning but it feels like it's 5 a.m my alarm went off at 7 40 and honestly i think that must be the earliest it's gone off in years we're giving sleepy sleepy time which is embarrassing because it's it's 8 20 yeah this is like middle of the working everyone's up but why does it feel like it's the middle of the night i did think i put the thing on the story like asking for like everyone's amazing messages about the topic and i did think people are gonna be like i've said when do you feel most your most of your identity is shaken and it's like guys it's literally 7 a.m like give it a rest it's like can i just wake up before i have a cup of tea before i look at your shit? Exactly, yeah.

I'm really excited for this. People have said really good things. Okay, I haven't looked yet, but I can look right now. Well, I thought this would be a good topic because it is actually, believe it or not, something we talk about all the time. Yeah. Is the idea of being like, wait, who am I? What am I?

I do what? What the fuck is this? Yeah, what is my life? Yeah. Yeah. It sounds relatable. am i what am i i do what the fuck is this yeah what is my life yeah yeah um it sounds um relatable i think it's really hashtag relatable content and i think there's fun in that i think there's fun in that experience of like great i get to find out who i am but i think a lot of the time there's stress in that of shit yeah what the fuck am i doing like where am i going who the fuck am i everything feels off i think it gives a fear you can eat

because also when you said all right should we do you said a very quick voice note i'll say it was wasn't it there was urgency behind it sounded like there's honestly a gun to your head shall we do this shall we do this topic um what are your thoughts on identity but i love that you said well i didn't want to take too long i thought before you know it i've done a fucking four minute voice note that's the last thing you need it was perfect i was like oh my god what's going on with this girl well i was reading the room because i knew you would have just woken up and you were busy getting ready yes let me just be brief yeah it's a hard time but you said when you feel you're like oh the fun in working out your identity but that my initial thought was

like the fear around identity like yeah i might i don't necessarily jump to but maybe it's my early morning brain wouldn't necessarily jump to the fun in identity or like the fun in finding out who you are mine's like oh god who the fuck am i but 100 is so fun oh my god it's the most fun thing you're a tabula rasa you're a blank slate ready to figure out who the fuck you are. Is there nothing more exhilarating? Yeah, no, there's not. More daunting than the blank page. Also, I think we throw out the word tabula rasa so often. Yeah, a bit more.

But is it common parlance? No, it's definitely not common. I wouldn't call it common. It's not the most common turn of phrase, I wouldn't say. But it's definitely common around these parts yeah between us um what can i expose you if you don't mind okay an early morning bit of exposure let's go expose yeah well just the other day we were having a conversation and you were saying i just feel a bit like not myself like i don't know who i am right now like i feel a bit shaken and i was saying try and get into the

zone of like embrace the fun of that like the excitement of okay well this feels like a fresh start then i can figure out who i am rather than like the loss of your identity of like wait what who am i it's not like like almost i feel like when you start at zero you feel like shit i've lost everything like i've gone back to square one like i feel so far behind like i'm lost i don't know who i am but it's actually like no you're at the beginning like you've got everything to gain do you know what i mean like it's not a loss it's the opportunity to gain so much 100 even if it's just like oh my god i'm the person who loves to have like a two-hour bath and i'm gonna read and

i'm gonna watch a youtube video and it's gonna be stunt and i'm gonna listen to the cameras my boyfriend camera is a cat like i'm just gonna have the time my life you know what i mean it's the time of your life like if you can own it yeah i feel like owning it is the difference between being in a time of not knowing who you are and fucking hating it or being in a time of not knowing who you are and understanding that that's being in a time of not knowing who you are and understanding that that's what being a person on this planet is like especially fucking hell if you're in your 20s if you're at any age but if you're a young person and not knowing who the fuck you are the quicker you can embrace that yeah the quicker we can get on with enjoying whatever this experience

is also kind of spoiler alert no one ever really figures out who they are like no one this is why people have midlife crisis crises because it's almost oh it really is a crisis because it's like oh my god i've got to 50 and i just went through all the steps i did all the things you should do i got my house i had my kids i got my wife whatever yeah you get to 50 and it's like i guess i've got to get a lamborghini because it's like fuck who am i i'm someone that works in an office that doesn't align with me blah blah blah i'm suddenly gonna flip all his head i'm gonna do what my dad did move to portugal it's kind of like you need to flip it on its head god exposed everyone's getting exposed i wouldn't necessarily well i hate to call it a midlife crisis he didn't want to do that for a, but he got a house in Portugal. I don't know if

that's a, would count as a midlife crisis. If it's in your fifties, a big decision, I would say maybe. Midlife crisis. Maybe. Red flag is a midlife crisis. It could be. Anything you do from the ages of kind of 45 to 65. Could be considered in the bracket of a midlife crisis. But I also would say, what's the crisis? Like like is that not iconic it's like you uproot your life you quit your job and you buy a lamborghini whatever the fuck you want to do you dye your hair blue whatever you want to do owning the space yeah why is that a crisis is it not just someone in their 50s having fun is it not just someone in their 50s acting for the first time with intention rather than just passively following the instructions of society kind of the urgency of

their life it's like okay you get to 50 you suddenly realize oh there's a ticking time bomb on my life you're getting me excited i'm getting hyped up here i'm ready to go well luckily we're getting on a plane tomorrow um well speaking of that then do you think that the difference between living in some sort of idea obviously this sounds so like airy fairy woo woo like like really lofty like living in some sort of idea obviously this sounds so like airy fairy woo woo like like really lofty like living in alignment but is the difference between living in alignment and then or realizing hang on a minute i'm living out of alignment is that intention does intention stop you from falling out of alignment because if surely if you're doing everything with intention you're making the conscious decision to go to that job you're making the conscious decision to hang out with these people you're making the conscious

decision to move through life in a certain way i almost think it's not conscious though but if you are does that help you live in alignment definitely definitely because i think life is just really i mean i'm not the first to say it's just a collection of habits and like um fucking routines yeah it's almost like before you know it i mean the people that you're friends with for a load of people for most people for me included are people that i met yeah very early in life like some of my best friends i met when i was fucking one year old did i choose we wouldn't be free if you know you wouldn't choose me would you we met at uni we're putting a house together and look at this enough against your will and then i'm in a habit of recording every week

it's almost like it's these most people's friends are people they met early like a lot of people they met them before the age of like 10 me included you think well i think even in the grand scheme of life let's say you meet even your friends but before the age of like 30 let's say yeah it's very early that you live a long and healthy and happy life that is definitely in the first third of your life yeah and then it's like you get a job that you decided when you were nine someone said to you well you had a nice math teacher you thought i'm gonna do maths in like why would i choose maths the one thing i know nothing about you go become a mathematician look it's always the english teacher it's always the english teacher they like their english teacher they go on they do journalism blah blah blah

it's like it's just a collection of habits of just you go there every day now you go to your you go work at the guardian every day yeah good for you good for you where do journalists work the guardian you go there every day you work work work you're still seeing your friends guys look at you go look at you flying it was all that genuinely that's i could never i definitely applied for multiple jobs at the guardian didn't get them yeah but everyone that works the guardians applied for a million jobs at the guardian surely like the next one you'd get right yeah, yeah. The next one. I was so close to breaking it in. Right.

I was so close to my job at The Guardian. That's a shame. The Guardian. Sorry, Dad. We're so un-The Guardian. You would have loved that. They would not be interested. No, I think The Guardian would love us.

They would love it. Two left-wing gals. We're spreading our left-wing agenda. We really are. I am just... Do you know what it is? We are so socialist and i stand by that wholeheartedly as much as possible i would say steal what you can guys generally goes without saying right i wanted to speak about this message that we got because i thought this was a really

lovely way of putting it um i'm coming in quite hyper i think the coffee's really actually buzzing through my veins really but that's quite good because I'm coming in like a sloth that's been asleep for 12 million years. No. Well, that's funny. Role reversal. Yeah, exactly. So I'm spicing things up.

You're bringing me up. How do you keep your relationship spicy? Wake up at the crack of dawn, 7.40. Christ. Wake up at the crack of dawn. Right. This person said, so we said, when do you feel your identity is most shaken bit of a weird thing to ask of you but you came through you came through and you said when i get typecasted

as the innocent girl i thought was interesting but i also just think being typecast as a human we should do an episode just just on typecast that's really like an interesting word make the title i don't know i have to think about it oh my god this could be the episode on that yeah it could be typecast because i actually have never my brain has never put two and two together in that way i feel like it's very big brain to be like you're being typecast yeah but it's completely true that when you feel like you're big isn't it it's like god you're being um assigned this role that feels so opposite to your core identity your typecast as i have to just know instantly i mean god i don't

i don't know what do you think i don't i don't know what i know what your typecast as oh god all right go on take it away i think your typecast as like almost the pretty girl that people would typecast you as a bit dumb almost yeah i think it's airhead vibes yeah fair enough well i like that which is interesting because we were kind of talking about that the other day that like just the classic thing of like pretty people can never be seen as intelligent but 100 i think that's what you'd be typecast as and i think that's one of your big things of like owning that of being like no i'm pretty and i'm fucking clever who said i couldn't fucking be both bitch yeah that's true that's nice well i definitely i definitely feel that

but i even just think being typecast in the sense of if someone was like um oh let me think like almost what you don't like seth rogan oh that's not very or like oh oh you like harry styles ah okay like those weird things just like i didn't see assumptions i didn't see you liking the movie the menu i didn't think that was very you like do you know what i mean wash your mouth out do you know what i mean like some sort of implication yeah that is assigning you to an identity that you think is so obviously untrue because it makes you not only question yourself but it also makes you think for me anyway personally it makes me feel like oh god i'm presenting myself wrong i'm giving people the wrong idea like i'm coming off as different when you said to me yesterday do you

like avocados and i've never been more hurt considering they're my favorite food that i eat every day of my life i actually want to bring you guys into this conversation because i thought it was again one way of spicing things up for us yeah you may have heard as if i hate to say this but every don't maybe every two weeks don't time cast me no i think it's true i think it's your perfect role yeah every couple weeks sephie will say something to me that is so obtusely wrong so kind of disgustingly scarily crazy for example she'll be like oh um oh do you have a dog yeah and i'm like seffy fuck like you don't know me at all it hurts my soul yeah the other day i dared to ask seffy do you like avocado she was about to burst in tears and i thought this is a fucking joke i can't believe how rude that is you hurt me right you honestly hurt my feelings yeah all the time I ask one little thing does she like avocado never seen this girl eat an

avocado in her life that is gonna annoy me because yes you have you're fucking furious about it think of how I feel for a second you have you live with me for a whole year and in that year i will never forget boundless in the beginning of quarantine do you remember that thing that was going around that was like which house would you be quarantined in and one of them was like oh i'd be with taylor swift i'd be having the time of my life one of them was like oh like fucking i don't know seth rogan for example yeah and one of them was fucking ellen degeneres and seth he said yeah i could see you in there you fucking cunt what the fuck is that supposed to mean what in the fuck i was fucking ellen dancing my way through like what even is that i'm giving away

you get this you get this i don't know why i said that experience yeah i don't know why you said that how rude i remember you got your boyfriend and you're like listen to this listen to this it was like jack tell me where would i be someone tell me please like i need the truth oh my god i can't believe i said that yeah i can't believe you said what you were up to sometimes i think you're just trying to keep me in my place you're just trying to keep me down ellen de janeiro that's bad but I don't see you there anymore. That's bizarre. Good. You're with Seth Rogen. I don't know why I would deserve that at the time but anyway. That really is I'm trying to give you a lockdown from hell. Yeah you were trying to um try to put me down and I didn't take it. I think in that house also Kanye was in there. Probably. Do you know he was in there which is

really random. I think Beyonce was in there as well which is really random i think beyonce was in there as well which is so random because i mean love her but got no no real thoughts on her and i feel like you have no real thoughts like she's all right yes beyonce yeah um which is funny that i'd be like oh well she just defo want to be with beyonce and ellen and kanye it's kind of you were buzzfeeding me up it's like oh she's a young girl yeah exactly yeah she loves pink and she drives to work on her skateboard she's very cool sounds great but i got you so wrong but yeah that was me typecasting you as i just thought you loved ellen i thought you watched youtube compilations of ellen i didn't you had me up until youtube compilations then you lost me when you brought ellen in

anyway but yeah that's a great great thing though typecasting isn't it i can just look around like the people i know even like celebrities and i can be like right their typecast their typecast their typecast like you can just be like we really know nothing about these people even people you know really in real life yeah you really know not a lot about you don't even know yourselves i know you don't i've seen the dms oh we're all lost as hell we're all really confused but it's like certain people just play a certain role in life that's just they and they just fulfill it because it's almost like it's just out of the habit of being like essentially strip it down to as basic as even like the fucking job the nerd go through the motions take all these fucking cliche things we've heard in teen movies.

Essentially, people just play those forever. It's a good episode, isn't it? Yeah, I'm liking it. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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let us in first of all what i think i'm typecast as i think i am typecast as the kooky who's that girl yeah i'm i'm who's that girl it's jess i'm typecast as the kooky quirky um kind of up in the air um manic pixie dream girl i think that's what i'm yeah i'm typecast as um and i think i play the role immaculately i must oh god role of a lifetime i think i'm playing well have been since day fucking one um i think that's what you invented kooky quirky crazy girl the role that would win me the oscar of like my tree it's my true it's my documentary right now would be well just i'm saying right now because i don't want you to have the pressure of this has to be your defining role i don't know it could never well it could never be identity that you feel right now i think it's a girl that is ready to take on the world fuck it up a bit like oh my god stunning i'm ready to just be like i'm ready to

step outside of the things i've been doing so far take a massive leap i'm going i'm basically this year of my life be a fucking amazing film i'm going away a lot this year as in i'm going to crazy places this year completely alone to some places kind of your coming of age yeah i think it really is like i'm ready to let go of a load of fucking beliefs of what i should be doing and who i should be and what i should look like and all of this stuff and go and really enjoy life what's the word you always use about me that's like um you're just a free spirit that that is very true but what's the word you use that's like someone that loves pleasure all day oh you're hedonistic i'm ready to live a very

hedonistic year yeah nice um and that is my film coming out 2023 to a cinema near you i'm there same question for you oh i don't know we've already gone on to me way too much let me find another thing i'd love to hear oh i like this one okay this message thank you though i appreciate that can i do yours yours oh go on you you already gave me my type car so go on go on go on we're talking about films as well now so now we're on my favorite subject okay right yeah i don't want to hold you back from that go for it we're on what what film would you be i accidentally led you into your favorite place and now i can't take you i'm just picturing the posters um so am i oh your year's similar your film's similar oh just my year i've done your typecast but who you truly are it's like i think i think you're ready to live

in total alignment this year well that's great thank god for that it's like god I'm not living up with Ellen anymore no you're really not what I did to deserve this but I'm happy to hear it thanks thank you I agree I think it's alignment time it's just alignment okay I like these messages we've got a couple people speaking from similar um what could you say they're like and they're in two parties one well they're coming from the same the same vein yeah kind of cut from the same cloth these people maybe oh i thought you meant they could from opposite angles no no the same they're like um they're from this they're singing from the same choir but from the same hymn sheet some may say that's nice anyway fucking hell god 8am hey what it does to a person nearly nine podcasters don't see this hour they definitely don't five right so one person said when i they

feel like their identity is shaken when they fail at something unexpected and someone else said when they receive criticism on something that they're proud of or think they're good at and i agree is there anything like a blow to the self-esteem when you associate yourself with being finally good at something this one thing that i have you can't shake me on and then all of a sudden everyone shakes you on it well i guess that's why everyone gets fucking shit scared in exams or like performances imagine you're an amazing violinist it's your violin recital you're gonna be shit scared because it's like right now's your time to prove that you're fucking amazing at violin but it's in your blood but if you're at the fucking drumming convention you don't play drums you don't give two shits

that's where drummers go i'm always at the drumming convention honestly i've been debating i really want to be a drummer these days. Oh my God, I have a question for you. No, it's iconic. Okay. I asked this on a date recently. You've got me really spicing things up today, Sefi. This is iconic.

I'm spicing it up. We are. We are both spicing. I was going to say, I don't know if I'm doing that. Yeah, you're so spicy. You're the spice queen. Oh yeah. You're not just a spice girl. You're just a spice queen.

Yeah, go on. Would you rather, if i could give you the ability right now to either know a language or an instrument you can know any language or any instrument what would you choose like you could learn you could just know french now or you could also just know violin mysterious abstract entity coming to me offering me these gifts of skill god are you that can do that um mother earth i'm giving you the gift no you are you are my god let me think i i don't i don't really know i don't know they're both the same i guess because i almost think look if i really cared to do either i would

fucking sit down and do it i could just give you either now it's like right you could learn you just know surprise me surprise me i'd say okay i'll give you something shit you can know fucking welsh sorry to welsh people yeah no i'll take it i i think at that point when i've got some sort of mysterious godly figure who looks like you coming to me so you can have a language or an instrument i'll say look whatever you what do you see for me you you obviously have the powers okay well i'm gonna give you fucking clarinet singers you're so ungrateful i'm so grateful i'm so um honored to be visited by you and your presence that i just think that i trust you you've obviously got all the knowledge well that's a slap in the face to the god and the god will curse you what would you say you're saying a language no i'm

saying um i'm saying an instrument you're going straight to that drumming convention i'm yeah no i am i'm saying give me the power to play drums but actually i wouldn't you can learn drums by the way this is what inspired me to think i might learn drums what that question yeah my own question to a random boy and it inspired me you are currently typecasting yourself as the kooky crazy no I'm not cast as it for no reason no I love it I love that anyway sorry I had to ask you drumming yeah are you surprised by my response you seem to be yeah I'm really surprised by your response well i almost think if i had a certain calling for a certain language or a certain instrument more than i already do i'd be fucking learning it already do you know what i mean but what's like i'm not waiting around for someone

to come and tell me that i have suddenly been gifted with it it's like no if i wanted it i could just do it no but it's something that you want but like again it maybe doesn't align with your identity that's like you've never really thought about it it's like oh my god i would fucking love to be able to speak german like yeah i'd fucking love to i've never really thought about it yeah but what's one skill then like what's one skill then that maybe you haven't thought about that's like if i could give you just i don't know i've never thought about it let me what's one thing it's like i could give you the ability to be an amazing like horse rider you can skateboard like all of these things what's one thing that like doesn't necessarily not something that you've worked towards in your

life because it's not your identity but i could just give this godly figure could come down and just give you it now and you're tony hawk all of a sudden the fairy godmother yeah i'm tony hawk oh god which we kept saying on skate camp that we were tony hawk yeah we couldn't be further from tony hawk um it's funny um right let me think this is tough seph you can't just spring this on me this is why i'll ask you the questions yeah because i almost think i think i i think i spend too much time thinking about oh i want to do that one day and blah blah blah that there's nothing really untouched by my brain do you know what i mean like i almost think there's no stone on top i have gone around

scouring what can i do what's my purpose like who am i i feel like i've entertained a lot of you could be an amazing um oh anything surfer yeah but i don't want to get eaten by sharks okay an amazing snowboarder i don't want to be in an avalanche yeah that's so fair enough honestly like a hand glider like i'm going for quite extreme things but like even like you could be an amazing crochet yeah i know but there's like well i can be like next summer i'm crocheting um i was gonna say headwear but do you know i know what you mean that you can do it but like yeah I feel like I can do it already even though I'm not doing anything with my life that's actually

quite a nice outlook because I think there's so much I don't come across as someone who has that outlook on life but I think I maybe do that if you wanted it you'd just do it yeah like I well I would do it though wouldn't I so what's stopping imagine i could say to you now you could play violin yeah but i can but you don't want it you just don't want to because i think i i know i can do it but i want to do it but it's like i would love to be amazing one day i don't know i just almost think i wouldn't put it like five years time maybe i'll be like who knows yeah do you know what i mean i almost just think the possibilities are endless my options are open and they they well and truly are and they are i think that sounds really like cliche and almost like i'm lying but i just maybe i just don't fucking

care i'm just very like um apathetic i don't think it's like oh my god i have such a strong self-belief and i blah blah blah it's not even it's just like i just almost think if i wanted i would just do it i think that's really interesting that's the only the only person that's answered like that everyone else is being like oh no french oh no french like fucking one in a million me yeah i think it's just like unless it's something really outlandish that i wouldn't have access to like skiing i've never been skiing personally didn't go up rich that's why and i would love to but like i'm not about to answer skiing this god comes to me and says you can do anything i want to say skiing yeah that's a bit i mean what a waste do you know i mean but anything else it's like i can go on amazon right now and order a crocheting starter kit probably and just

do it i guess what i'm really offering you is a is essentially a thought park fast track pass of you're going to fast track your knowledge and you're just going to know it yeah i don't care to do that because i almost i think that's the thing that's stopping me here is not to be really um i think that's actually the point of conflict in my mind not to be really really cliche but it's almost learning to do it is the fun that i'm gonna have is the enjoyment and if i'm getting the only reason i would want a fast track to learning it is if i could like show it off and like oh my god i can use it to save the world and like be it make a huge song and dance about it but that's not what the question is the question almost implies that it's not an identity thing it's just something i

can do so then it's like well then i don't need to fast track it no you it's very much in my mind not to show off it's not to um you're doing the violin concerto whatever that is yeah i would only want to fast track violin if i was gonna be i literally can't name a fight a famous violinist but like me neither but like i don't know maybe if many people can suddenly you're amazing on the drums i mean i hope that would be incredible it's like right fucking hell then yeah you might be maybe it just like you started drumming tomorrow 12 weeks time we're in a totally different i think this is a thing it's one of those things it's not something i necessarily care to do it's not it's not something that i am like right i really want to do it i'm not

going to put the effort in blah blah blah but almost if i could just go oh you're amazing at drums yeah hell yeah or like oh my god you know spanish yeah i mean that's the thing i wouldn't say no but it's not it's yeah it is interesting because it's just not gripping me and i almost i don't know who's speaking right i don't know who i am as i'm saying these i don't quite believe myself but i just think why do i care if someone can just give me something i don't know it not, I don't care for this for some reason. Well, the God has given you clarinet. I really appreciate the offer.

Have fun with your fucking clarinet. My sister plays clarinet. I'm not raised in a clarinet. Does she? Well, she used to, but we used to be like, she wasn't very good.

Well, anyway, I was going to ask you, have you ever failed at something that was like, that's my thing? I think that's just part of life really. Oh, I like loads of stuff like anything of course i think in the way of being typecast very early i think at school you're typecast you're split into maths or maths or english essentially science or english sort of thing like humanities or fucking science yeah

we said it before we'll say it again we'll fucking you know where we are you know where to find us i think i speak for both of us when we say we're very much into the english humanities side definitely the maths department shouted and stay out so i think that's funny from an early age it's like okay so if you fail at english your fucking thing like you're you're you're here to you're here to write you're here to write these fucking things if they're bad right with the maths department doesn't want you science doesn't want you you've got to be good at this thing if you fail at that it's a big fucking kick in the teeth it's a blow to their identity oh my god completely so if i don't have that what do i have every single time i didn't do well in an essay or put my hand up and kind of said a bit of a wrong thing even though

there's no wrong answer apparently but there clearly is no there is no wrong answer well well i've had some wrong that's why i think we don't like maths yeah no it's entirely what why don't i know that's why i don't like maths because it's almost like look i can't wing my way out this one i can't just like talk my way out of it which normally you can in the humanities as long as you can back it up is what they always say yeah exactly i can bullshit out my ass trust me i can back anything up oh yeah got the receipt there are like any time that it's just oh you got that slightly wrong it didn't really get like yeah i think every single time that's been a bit of a like oh god that's my thing and i'm not good at it but i think that as well comes from kind of what

we were just saying about this weird fairy godmother person of like when you think for example being good at english english literature whatever is your only thing it's almost like you could be an amazing drummer and i'm sure you will be one day like i almost see it as like but you already are like when i think of you i'm like yeah you already i know there's a version of there is a hundred percent that is playing the drums but almost once you when you feel like you've lost something that you're supposed to be good at it's very horrible to be living through that especially in school i think when you very much built it up that it's like but that's kind of all i am like there's nothing i've got nothing else to give so if i can't give that who I? But that's the problem with typecasting.

Very fragile. But it's like the identity is so niche that it's like that's Billy and he plays the drums. And he's a drummer. And he's going to be in a band and all of this stuff. And that's what he's going to do forever. And Billy's band doesn't make it. And he has to go and be a postman. And then it's like, oh, Billy's a postman now.

I was like, what is this thing? He's constantly tapping on his little letter bag yeah he's he's the drumming postman there goes billy the banging old postman yeah it's like i don't even know what that was but i think it's just you play your part until a new part gets given to you until the part's redundant and most likely it'll be on his grave Billy the drumming postman used to be amazing at drums it's a shame he never gave it a go oh god death by living a miserable life living a life that he hated um but i think that's the thing it kind of pulls us back to the beginning of intention that when you're sat around waiting to be assigned your role you're sat around following your typecast you're living out of alignment and you're not following who you are but i think if you can adapt that sort of freedom of what language do you want to suddenly i'm so inspiring what language do you

want what instrument do you want if you can look at it with freedom of oh i'll take anything i'm willing to explore any avenue yeah then i think that almost puts you back in that headspace of when you don't know who you are it's exciting and fun because you've got everything to gain from it rather than this scary point of like hopelessness or like a lack of self-esteem i just and i do think, I feel very strongly that there are lots of different versions of you right now. But that's 100% true. Oh, 100%. It has to be. It goes without saying. It's almost like you catch me, what, two months before the podcast started. It's like, but I am a podcaster in my soul. We're just waiting for it to come out. Yeah, exactly. And I think we always have so much in us and you just have to give yourself the space to explore who you

want to be but it's bizarre you are already the things that you don't even know that you're going to be in the way it's like you're kind of already prime minister yeah oh 100 no i i so see it 100 like there is a version of your life within your grasp that you're prime minister 100 yeah 100 there's a grandmother in you oh and she's great and i can see it so strong ever live yeah yeah 100 100 i almost feel like we've rounded that off quite nicely it feels like the end but we can't end yet let's keep going can we not i mean i've got to go in five minutes let's do five more minutes just so we get to 40 40 minutes okay cool is that okay yeah that's perfect let me find okay this is a good one this person said they feel their identity

is shaken when they're surrounded by quote-unquote cool people that they don't feel comfortable around because i love that idea of your identity is kind of at mercy of whoever you're comparing yourself to in these recent times you know i mean like oh yeah either you're just in line with your peers and everything's going well or you're a fucking failure and you spent the morning on instagram and tiktok and you're wondering why you feel shit literally that's such a good point it's so true it's so true do you feel like you oh i don't know how shaped have you been throughout your life it's hard now because we're not really like who the fuck like our peers are just like yeah who am i to know yeah do you feel like you have been your identity has been overly shaped or in what way in what capacity has it been shaped by the people around you because we know of course we're shaped entirely

by our peers yeah i think i agree i think entirely i think there was a moment where I realized well there have been so there have been 101 million moments where I've realized how um impressionable I am as a person and how impressionable humans are I think and I feel like I lived through that and like saw it happening to me maybe in real time or kind of after six months I kind of looked back and was like oh my god and I've spoken about this before but when I I grew up in a working class area in northeast London and I spoke like that I spoke like I where I came from and then thanks for bringing it up guys my parents divorced it was really traumatic and I had to move and I was then living in an area that I felt very much like was like a

kind of countryside quaint suburban it's a town and I think I thought it was super super countryside at the time because I was coming from a much more urbanized area it was actually just I would say one like a generic almost a privet drive vibe yeah just a very I'm assuming this is london yeah this is what most towns are like i guess yeah in the uk at least in the south and i started getting comments that people thought my voice and my accent and my like language was a joke like they thought i was like joking like they thought i was being ironic like i was saying like just certain words and phrases and just little things just the way that I spoke it was like I was doing an impression of almost like a cockney chimney sweeper like it was like I was doing an impression of Oliver Twist yeah

and I changed my voice I changed who I was yeah to fit in and within like a couple months I was a whole new girl I also think that is really really telling of being so young and when you're so little you're just such a sponge and you I personally feel like I first of all would do anything to just fit in go under the radar I don't yeah I don't think at the time I would have ever thought that of myself but it's absolutely true like I almost thought that was such a cliche like oh you just everyone wants to fit in as i would think like no don't undermine me yeah but now i think it's true um well just go to the point of changing your voice but also there's like that's more than just fitting in that's like yeah there's clearly a social um hierarchy of like this voice is better than this voice it's like you must have this voice if you

want to i mean there i mean you can look at the fucking houses of parliament fucking no people in there are speaking like you're saying yeah and i'm prime minister apparently so i better so good thing you did this you wouldn't stand a fucking chance it's literally like it's not just oh i want to fit in oh everyone's um everyone's got blue pencils i've got red pencils i need to change blue pencils it's like no there's one that is very clearly said is the better version that is more acceptable and it's it's yeah taylor's all the time it's an issue of class that yeah you not only just were a kid that had to be like oh i'm gonna just change and like play the same game that they're playing it's like no you shifted to something that even at that young age you could see their life is easier

if you speak in this way which is and i've done that time and time again even up until i'm probably still doing something now and in a couple of years i'll look back and be like god that was sad in 2023 you were doing this this and this i'm sure there's lots of things there's a million oh there'll be hundreds yeah against myself loads of ways there were loads of things like changing the way that i would straighten my hair my hair was curly i would straighten it because the straight hair was the vibe like just everything yeah so the vibe as you know yeah so i just think i i think i realized really early on in that fragile really formative time of being a child i was so willing to give up anything about myself in order to yeah fit in i just had no loyalty to myself and that is really

sad and it still upsets me now actually because i think now it's almost um and i actually not to call out all the libras but i do think sometimes it's a libra thing or like i'm joking i'm laughing here you can't see my face but i'm i'm smiling sticking my tongue out there but like i think there is a libra element to it of um this sounds so deep but like not being a real person and just being willing to shape shift in order to please or impress whoever you're around at the time or whatever you want to fit in at that time and so i still think now like it um that affects my identity like my identity now people have the wrong idea about my hair now people will have the wrong idea about my hair texture and people have the wrong idea about my voice and that's my own creation but

such is life i also think cut yourself some slack about school stuff because i was talking with my friends from school recently about school and how strict everyone has to be completely the same like there's the uniform and there's almost then this uniform on top of the uniform which everyone has to abide by and like we were talking about that you had to have a side fringe like if you had a side if you didn't have a side fringe about curtains like you had to have a side fringe your trousers had to be these brand called miss sexy like yeah you had to have foundation on the lips had to have um like coal pencil eyeliner like you had to have certain things and you could not have your trousers could not be ankle swingers like everything had basically it's a had to have a certain type of bag every single person had to basically be clones of the next one and if you

had one thing wrong oh my god how's hell to pay so then i think when you add on top of that a class element how the fuck are you supposed to see clearly like at all of course you just want to be oh yeah i've got to have a side for it their children i would never expect them to i think you can't they can't but look the good news is guys you are let's hope at an age where you're safe enough to be listening to podcasts so i'm gonna infer yeah that you have some sort of authority over yourself in your own life and i think that's exciting it's very exciting can't wait to see what we all do with it oh god that's fun i've loved this i've had such a good time doing this that was fun no i really like i think

this is a fun episode i think i'll listen to this in my spare time perfect i'll listen to this on the plane oh no it won't be out then oh that's funny okay yeah well I think we're done cool well we're going to Amsterdam now we're going to Amsterdam so cool

cool well if you don't hear from us assume the worst