Goes Without Saying - how to get out of a funk: doing hot girl shit (wallowing & rotting)

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

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So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Goes Without Saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. This is a really lovely episode about the ways that we try and intellectualize our emotions and fight our way out of our feelings not wanting to be sad not wanting to be angry not wanting to feel the shit this is a good one if you're just feeling a little bit isolated and shit and just like stuck in the dumps you're in your rut you're in your slump you're in your funk and we might not be able to get you out of it but we can come on in there with you we can chill together enjoy take one take one um right i'm excited for this one same how are you feeling i'm actually nervous for this one i just lied i'm nervous i'm excited for this one same how are you feeling i'm actually nervous for this one i

just lied i'm nervous i'm excited but we've just done two quite almost well i guess we've done we've just did our barbie episode which feels quite light-hearted fun fresh dance the night away yeah now we're going into how to be sad because we just had like a i think we just had a 10 minute conversation about my mom which i think has soured the tone of so true so true a little bit i think you're misplacing that onto the podcast but it was actually just our separate conversation yeah it was just quite depressing yeah and we're talking about um ariana grande and spongebob and all of that stuff yeah which is fascinating congratulations to the happy couple god so bleak coasting through bikini motel so we've bleaked ourselves out perfectly we have yeah perfect and we're excited to go into how to be sad i think this is an interesting concept something

we talk about a lot because we are quite we're the kind of girl who we're like it's okay i'm sad it's okay i'm just sad because of this isn't this so if i can just do this isn't this then i can get out of the sadness and i'm gonna be like this and just find it a little bit of a struggle to devil snare devil snare relax into it you if you don't relax it will just kill you faster it'll just kill you faster faster well now i can relax i watched that the other day for the first time since i watched it with you at like an open air stunning yeah that was amazing but i was really laughing and i actually watched chamber of secrets like pretty much straight after like the next day i was like dobby good to see your face haven't seen you in a while mate i watched dobby die the other day oh god i'm also this is actually wings idea

and i'm going to announce it to everybody i so i watched the first two harry potters i'm usually someone that hovers around the middle i hover around my goblet of fire half-blood prince order of phoenix i net and i'll do a prisoner of azkaban obviously but i never really go it's perfect into my deathly hallows that i never go to part two deathly hallows and i never really go philosopher's stone chamber of secrets it just feels we're too setting up or ending i like to be in the midst of the fun yeah i like to be valid i like the relationships i like the magic of it i don't want to see anyone die.

No. And I don't really want the setup. And Dobby annoys me, even though I love him. Okay, we hear you. So I watched the first one and the second one. I thought, oh, okay, I'm going to continue my reading the Harry Potter journey. Because I never really read them other than my mum reading them to me. And I have got up to Half-Blood Prince is the next book i need to read but i had a bit of a break like i think the last one i read like in january sort

of thing and i've had like a long break i was like right okay i'm not gonna read these because they just don't feel like summer books and you only have one chance to read them for the first time for the first time which is relish in it the fact that you're doing that now is really otherworldly it's insane it's absolutely insane um but i just thought i knew everything there was to know about this world turns out i knew absolutely nothing you don't yeah it's insane so and i've been enjoying them so much like every single one is crazy to read so i'm i was like when do i read them though because i don't want to read it now because i want it to be the winter vibes and and i've only got two books left. So Wing said, why don't you read one at Halloween?

Half-Blood Prince at Halloween. Anyone want to join me in October reading Half-Blood Prince? And then at Christmas, December, read Deathly Hallows. You'll be down for your Deathly Hallows. Genius. And then you'll close them off for the end of the year. And then I'm done. And I'm going to do that.

And then I'm done with Harry Potter. What a year it's been. Yeah. Two years. What a year.'m done with Harry Potter. What a year it's been. Yeah. Two years. What a year. What a lifetime, really. What a lifetime. A lifetime of bringing Harry Potter.

Mmm. I love them. The boys? Harry and Ron. Okay. Fred and George. Fred and George, obviously. Yeah, Cedric.

It's always Cedric. Just the boys. Lupin. Just the boys. Just me and my boys. A little bit of Lupin. Love him. Love Lupin so much much love him so much

um oliver wood from the first one oh it's actually quite horrifying going back and being like here comes the hottie and it's like 12 year old boy walks on the screen it's like oh okay right but they'll always be older than us they'll always be older than us that's fact well if i'm hermione if we are all collectively hermione yeah they're always older than us so you know it's just a bit of math guys guys not saying how did that come up then yeah where did we get that from no idea being sad devil snare devil snare steadily fun but it's salt in the sun yeah it's all in the sun all right okay oh my god my brother was like to me yesterday he was like what because we were watching chamber of secrets and i was like oh they don't really know any spells at this point and he was like no

they do they know a wingardium leviosa and they know what they know the one hermione does does lumos celem it's like lumos alohomora alohomora of course and expelliarmus classic anyway sorry so yeah go on right so anyway right a lot of full starts here yeah but we're we're in now we're in we're in we asked on the story we did yeah to be anonymously featured you could answer this top secret this riddle yeah it does feel like we've got some really personal information from you guys yeah thank you so much to anyone that wrote in like in general thank you to anyone that dms us and writes in but this one was a toughie is that wait what this one was a toughie it's just a funny thing i thought i actually said something like sexual or something but this one was a toffee i thought i'd actually like said something a bit like rude no is there a part of yourself

or your personality that you're ashamed of quite a horrible question so i had to do that to everyone but we've had loads of kind of crazy responses i don't know where to start do you want to pick one because i'm looking i'm looking over them now and it's like god guys some of them are crazy but it's nice to hear isn't it what is relatable to hear because it's like look we all are we all do have deep hatred for ourselves in certain ways there's one thing we can agree on we all despise certain elements of ourselves because some of these things aren't good like you can do the whole like yeah oh my god every bit of you is perfect that nothing is a flaw blah blah blah feminism 101 you can go and do that but i would also say it is better more realistic and maybe

even more empowering to be like there are parts of us that are bad like or not even bad there are parts of us that are like unpleasant and harmful selfish and mean and unlikable and i actually think that is way like i don't know that makes me feel way more comforted because there are bits of me that i do feel like oh god that's a horrible bit of me that's an unpleasant feeling like for example feeling sad unpleasant feeling we don't we try and avoid it and i actually feel like it's quite comforting to look through and be like oh look they just said they have a temper and are impatient it's like same i hate when i'm angry and i hate feeling impatient should we reel some off just to get the crowd going this one was quite interesting someone have a temper and are impatient. I was like, same. I hate when I'm angry and I hate feeling impatient.

Should we reel some off just to get the crowd going? This one was quite interesting. Someone said the fangirl part of me. Yeah, I just saw that. That's really interesting. I know this person's name, by the way, they're very supportive of us. Yes, hi. The fangirl part of me.

Hi. That's an interesting part to not like, unless it's like, it's kind of um a bit joe from you wouldn't like the fangirl part of himself that's how he would put it that's like how you would call stalking i don't really like the fangirl part of me there's a part of me that kind of gets into things like the jonas brothers and the girl finds our addresses and goes there just the fangirl part of me yeah that's not what you mean no because that's i think you should embrace your fangirl part of me i'm sure it's not what you mean no because that's i think you should embrace your fangirl part of yourself like do you mean that it makes you feel immature maybe

maybe or like you lose yourself in like someone else an obsession yeah i actually i get that i feel like my obsessive part of my personality is something i really um find difficult at times agreed almost with a bit of an escapist angle for me personally yeah almost like can't deal with your real life so you're gonna um dip out to hogwarts yeah exactly yeah no worries and someone else said wouldn't mind it how i hyper fixate on things and then ramble about them to anyone who will listen it's like i like that i like that ramble a little bit relatable i love it but also But also, I love it. I love it in terms of I know that feeling so well, but I also know the feeling.

I have a lot of people in my life that have autism, me potentially included, undiagnosed, but we don't know. The jury's out. I think we know. We know. We know. We've spoken about it at length. Go find some more episodes.

But I know a lot of people that hyper fixate on things and ran ran ran at me often and it is hard to be on the receiving end sometimes of someone that is super passionate about something that you literally don't give a shit about at all one of them being property god i don't care at all but i why am i hearing about hmos all day like it is it is sometimes a hard trait kind of not even the it's the passion it's no problem we love the passion but the lack of awareness of other people's it's the hyper fixation and then feelings and yeah and then going yeah going on slightly we've all been there yeah i feel like this is an interesting one because we both sometimes try

and get ourselves out of the feeling because it doesn't feel very nice or aren't that comfortable in being like i just don't feel good right now which i think can sound really obvious but when you're really living it is almost quite hard to access the awareness of like you're just sad and that's okay like you're just not feeling great and that's okay it almost when it's you it feels like it's almost so ugly and dirty and evil and you must get away from it it's like you forget you lose all sight of the fact that other people have felt like that before yeah yeah and almost that you're like being stupid and time wasting and like yeah being irrational for just having human emotions

and trying to i feel like one of the or one of the bits that is horrible is sometimes you know when you just wake up in a bad mood you just wake up feeling shit and it's almost like you try and find the reason it's like oh maybe it's because of this or maybe it's because blah blah it's like look you know what it might be like your period you might be hungry it might not be anything to do with your life that you need to change blah blah it could might be like your period. You might be hungry. It might not be anything to do with your life that you need to change. It could just be like something quite biological that's going on. You didn't sleep well. Yeah. But trying to like find the story of why you feel bad is one of the more painful bits. Definitely. Because then you catch yourself in a loop of if you weren't that sad before, now you will be because you've told your brain to find all

the different reasons why you might be sad so you've given yourself all these different things to be upset about it literally is because it's like you woke up feeling like all right like oh why do i feel a bit bad i feel a bit off yeah whatever and it's like oh i could be feeling bad because i'm coming on my period i didn't sleep very well that person said something to me i didn't wear this i went to that because suddenly it's suddenly you've got a long long list of reasons to feel bad and you just feel worse do you know what i experienced last week i've already spoken to you about this um one of my main events of last week i was feeling really quite shit for a couple weeks maybe where I felt like just really bad

and just like not myself and just like down we've all been there yeah I was like why do I just feel so bad coming up with the stories trying to fix things like almost skipping to um level 100 step 100 of um trying to feel better like maybe if I just do um a meditation maybe if i just go and play badminton i'm loving badminton at the moment i'll go swimming oh yeah i'm loving badminton um she tried to persuade me to play badminton the other day i'm not gonna lie i did just let the i let the text message just hang in the air for a second i was like let me see if she comes back would you not want to i would love to be badminton with you i just almost it's like what's that i just can't even

imagine no it's so random it was because i went to my grandma's house and she had my cousin was playing badminton there practicing for sports day and exactly in a bizarre way it doesn't feel random from you it's it kind of is exactly the thing that i would imagine you to do because you are quite physical i'm quite active in my life you're active and like almost you like like natural like things yeah i do you know what i mean it's like you would be camping you would be playing badminton yeah i wouldn't but that's okay no but you i think we would have a really good game a good rally all right i'll give it a go but i'm not gonna be really up to scratch i think the last time i played badminton when i was like seven or something no i'm not go but i'm not gonna be really up to scratch i think the last time i played badminton when i was seven or something no i'm not up to scratch although i but this is why i want to play

i am quite good she's hustling me exactly it's like no i'm quite good you know i know you well enough to know you wouldn't want to play it with me unless you were quite good you thought you were gonna win so basically i'm being proposed to watch you be so good at badminton no no because you can't be good on your own you can't be good at badminton on your own because you can only be good but like you can only be as good as your opponent it's kind of a life lesson it really is quite like this is why i want to play with someone that i imagine will be good because no one's up to my level that i'm playing with like i want to i want to get a rally going i think you'd be good my cousin my uncle my sister my brother this is so wholesome come on guys we i but i have had fights over badminton before like at center parks

once we did a badminton you are quite see she's a badminton player this is where the hustle begins she says oh let's just try a fun thing that neither of us have ever no no i'm not claiming i know nothing i'm claiming i'm i'm okay and i would love to play badminton with you it'd be so fun i don't even know what a badminton thing looks like a shuttlecock yeah so embarrassing to call it that crazy name it's like let's not pretend we didn't all like laugh at the word cock shuttlecock we just did shuttlecock yeah you've been playing badminton and the other day you did something which you're gonna tell us about which i know exactly what it is yeah so i was skipping to level 100 of doing things like badminton and then my mum came into my room and she was like god the dead flowers in here like this is like you really like your room is kind of giving a sad energy like she used the p you she was like the feng shui in here is bad like it's

very off it was almost like she was like that corner that the flowers are in represents your the wealth of your room like she knew all the corners sort of thing she would know she knows her stuff you know with that sort of bullshit and she was like look that corner is really bad vibes like the dead flowers maybe like a dead like wasp i don't know what's over there and she was like look that corner is really bad vibes like the dead flowers maybe like a dead like wasp i don't know what's over there and she was like this room is very bleak you need to do something about diagnosis and bear in mind i'm the tidiest in my house like i actually keep my room pretty tight i'm quite tidy person at times i'm mediocre um so for her to say it was quite an insult so i then spent the whole like the next day i spent the whole day tidying my room like literally under my bed clearing out

things i haven't cleared out in three years like untangling all my necklaces like getting the fucking window spread like not just like a little tidy put your clothes away deep fucking clean took fucking like all day eight hours fucking job and as soon as i did that i was like oh my god i don't feel depressed anymore and it was like maybe it was something to do it wasn't you needed to go play badminton or you needed to go swimming or blah you just need to start therapy again maybe it was the fact that you're literally getting up in a room that has like all the energy of like your bad mood for the last month in here like you just need to like actually like put all the stuff away and like clear it out oh that stuff you want to like sell all these books you hate

are on your shelf like you're living in like a really negative space and I joked to wing and I said I've discovered the life-changing magic of tidying up because I really did you learn a new spell I really did someone tell me about that in about 2016 but you know I just found discovered the life-changing magic it is life-changing magic and it wasn't my my space was really affecting me and I didn't even realize it and that's kind of what i mean by like go back to basics of like are you hungry is your period due are you living in squalor like let's actually think about have you just potentially been through a bit of a breakup me like there are things that are going on that might not be really difficult to fix like maybe it is just like get up put some

music on put the h3 podcast on put sephian wing on whatever you need and fucking sort through the shit that's been building and building for a month like and then actually since then i'm not even joking it's so weird to me how simple that change was i literally came out of my quote-unquote funk immediately and i was excited in the morning getting up doing yoga doing my shit it's like yeah oh my god you it was your room that was bugging you so much like that was a huge proportion of it and then everything else if that was like 70 of my my issue that i wasn't feeling comfortable in my space over the 30 oh oh I can deal with that now exactly yeah it just it just crowds over everything else like it just makes everything

like clammy clamming hell clamming hell well I'm gonna say what that is sorry go on clamming hell is um something that this I used to work in this place and this guy who I really disliked was a really hot day and he was a bit i've told a story about him before where he once told me that he thought that i was intimidated by him so rude um and it was a really hot day and he was eating like this like spicy chili lentil soup delicious um and he kind of lifted up his shirt and said the words clam in hell and it was an immediate ick sometimes i say things on the podcast just for seffy like just yeah referencing i i kind of pluck an easter egg from your life and i'm like let's see what she makes of this there's also another easter egg

that goes around in this space that we've never really said what it is when we say a little much a little much that's also an easter egg that this boy used to say to me he used to say that i was a little much did he no no he used to just say something else was a little much i was gonna say i was god god no no no but just would be like oh my god that's a little much yeah that's an easter egg you might have heard and thought what's that what's that about yeah what are they on about they're just quotes from the boys of um relationships past sort of eyes are swimming with the ghosts of my past well i'm how i was saying congratulations that you cleaned your room thank you thank you genuinely congrats i started off by saying well

done but then i switched it to congratulations because i thought you'd prefer that yeah i like i like a bit of both um how are you sad like how are you when you are sad like what do you do when you are sad do you have a sadness routine i don't have a sadness routine i don't really have many routines in my life unfortunately um although you know it'd be nice to get some but like i don't even have a routine for like almost like every time i wash my face and like brush my teeth and like get dressed, it's a different routine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I'm not someone who does it all in the same order every day. Like I don't get ready in the same way every day. Absolutely not. Or like I don't really do anything the same way. Do you know what I mean? Anyway. No, I agree. I think as someone who has had a long history of like feeling, what's the word like almost disproportionately sad like

chemically sad like really low like extreme extreme low periods of like being really bad mental health yeah yeah now coming out of that and just having like normal off days yeah stunning what a luxury yeah i'm quite loving it like as you should it's almost like oh god when they said like oh just like eat ice cream when you're sad or like someone's like oh just like make it romantic like go have a walk like even tidy your room like all of these things that would have felt really simple fixes that felt so inaccessible to me or just like you've done it and it didn't help yeah it doesn't you either don't have the capacity to do it or you do it and it's like

but i still i'm really it wasn't about the room it was about a chemical imbalance yeah it was about my trauma yeah um so i do feel quite good in like when I'm not feeling great at the moment just because I can almost see it almost the faith that I have in like my existence as a human being like on earth is so much greater than it has ever been before in the sense that I never thought I was gonna like experience a normal level of sadness I thought like the way that I was living was the only way of life and it was the only way I was ever gonna live so i almost didn't believe that like i could be not really really depressed and now i would pretty confidently say like i'm not really really depressed like that anymore i think i still have like the sad girl core being thing but that's manageable well that's so cute though that's just i mean that's just

likable yeah exactly a bit of charisma personality yeah right um we need something for the plot you do but i think now like coming out of the really shit times and coming into like normal shit times just feels it really just feels like a luxury like it almost the little shit times now highlight how good the good times are and how bad the bad times were it just like my awareness of like oh i am gonna get better like i will feel all right again now i just don't think i ever believed that before like that was just not something i believed it was like every day no hope for the future yeah so dark and i would say well yeah i think if anyone is listening to this like i can't clean my room or get outside um and it's not just like a sad day or two i'm like really feeling bummed out long term there is definitely help that you can get because that's not normal and you shouldn't

feel like that and i know i've said that before like it's not normal and you should get some help but it's true like if you are living extended periods of like not being able to participate in your life the way that you want to and you feel like that's the only life for you it's not and there's a way out 100% ding stunning um i do what sorry i'm sorry go on no no go go go i do feel like that is such a huge important distinction that can sometimes be really hard to tell the difference between if it's like normal sadness quote actually yeah not even quote unquote normal sadness or like there is like actually an issue that could be so could be fixed really like whether it's actually like a clinical issue i do feel like it could be hard to tell the difference but i do also just think you know

like you know when it's when it's step when it's crossed that line into like this is actually like worth seeking help for or will this just pass like if it's about the bedroom or the you haven't eaten anything with any nutrition in for like six fucking weeks like i think you know the difference between that and like actually like no i actually think i need like a professional to like help me at this point yeah and i think if you think right now that it would be a professional it's like take that as not that even that thought now is enough to go and like actually seek that help you don't need to wait for anything else i think acknowledging that like what you're experiencing isn't a normal level of like the hard times we all have bad days it's like no no no no no no no no it's like

freeze frame like no like cut the cameras yeah it's not just normal bad days you can't live like this any longer. Yeah. We can do something. Yeah. So I'm just going to let that hit. Maybe I'll put an ad in after that. Yeah, exactly.

Welcome back, guys. An advert. An advert. Now pay us for that wisdom. Yes. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th.

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Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find

a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com okay now we're back um did you enjoy the advert hopefully it was an advert about us talking about maybe that we recorded who knows what you just got sadness is the worst emotion you think i well we've we've had some theories before about what the worst emotion is

and we've we've said some things out there we've sort of thrown out i believe jealousy is the worst jealousy is a bad one do you know what's a really bad one and we've said this before but i think it ties into sadness loneliness is a fucking bad emotion and i think that ties into sadness because i feel like part of the thing of sadness is that it feels really isolating and that you are alone in it i think if you're if you feel sad collectively in a group that is a completely different experience to feeling like everyone else is is fine and you're just sad on your own like that is fucking horrific feeling sad in a group is almost quite hilarious it's like god the jokes will make you're just sad on your own like that is fucking horrific feeling sad in a group is almost quite hilarious it's like god the jokes will make you're all in it and you can all do

it together rather than it's like you can't keep up with everyone like oh it's horrific it's awful which i think is why kind of the title of this how to be sad if that is the title we've gone for i think it will be we'll see we'll see when we put it up i love it it's like every time every time i it's like a monday i see the divine titles that wing comes up with like beyond genius thank you they're stunning um but i think how to be sad it's like we definitely as a society but i know that me and you feel this all the time sadness is something that when you feel it you just want to be out of it immediately like it's just as soon as i even get the whispers of sadness coming in it's like fucking kill it i need it gone i need it gone badman hand me the shuttlecock go someone rally me yeah let's let's shuttlecock my way out of this but i do think it is a real fucking skill that i

have i've been trying to learn actually how to like double snare sink into it and actually like almost like get into the sadness a little bit and like try and make it as pleasant as possible it's something that we always say whenever one of us is feeling shit it's just like the only option you have is to relax into it like if you try and fight it which is why devil's snare is the perfect analogy for depression or feeling shit it's the only option you have is to relax into it because if you fight it you're just fucking putting it off and it's just going to go longer longer longer it's just gonna keep i think as well like the work that you can do to like adjust your relationship to being sad

sometimes in my mind i get a bit confused in like i can forget that no matter what you can't take away the pain from a painful emotion yeah you can make it like easier to bear and you can stop yourself like being really critical of yourself in that or you can make it like easier to bear and you can stop yourself like being really critical of yourself in that or you can like take away the shame from it and you can do lots of things to make it easier to like get through the day and get to the other side of the emotion you can't get rid of the pain but sadness is painful painful emotions are painful and that's part of the human condition like part of being alive on this earth is so amazing but also really painful sometimes and no matter how like well adjusted or like emotionally intelligent

you are yeah it is painful to go through painful emotions and i think there's kind of a little culture of us there's a little kind of homogenous group of us that have got it into our heads for whatever reason that like we're too smart or like too self-aware to feel a painful emotion it's almost like there's no need for me to feel that kind of jealousy or there's no need for me to feel that kind of frustration or anger or like heartbreak i can think my way out of it and i think you can't yeah for me personally trying to intellectualize my way out of things is always harder long term than just accepting that i'm a human being on planet earth who's gonna feel

horrible feelings sometimes that is the only like fact of life is that your feelings are gonna come and go the sooner you can accept it the easier they are to deal with do you know what i have always had a bit of confusion about what is meant by you've just got to feel it you've just got to feel it um like almost like you've just got to go through it like just just take like even when we text each other and say like just take your time and like just process it and blah blah it's like what does that actually mean because realistically if i'm sad my kind of what i do when i'm sad my laptop is coming out i'm lying in bed and i'm watching something that is really what it means which actually doesn't feel like processing it though it doesn't feel like feeling the emotion like i'm not sitting there like the last thing

you want to do is sit there and fucking think about the thing that makes you sad and just like sit there and cry but i heard this on a podcast i don't know which one it was but someone was saying that what people mean by that is um that you should like focus in maybe it was tiktok i heard this i don't even know but like what you should do is like focus in on like the physical feelings you feel like if you feel like sort of like like some people when they're angry feel like their hands are really hot or like their chest is beat like their heart's beating really fast like tight chest what i always get pits in my stomach like an absolute sinking pit in my stomach that is like my cue for like bad feelings i remember my therapist

being like like that's your that's what your cue is like before you start like getting all wrapped up in the thoughts of it the thing you should be focusing for is the pit in your stomach like that sinking feeling comes before any narrative you put on of like body image shit it's giving me the feeling focus on the pit in the stomach and like all of the stuff and it's like actually that's what people mean by like deal with the um just sit with the emotion it's like take the thoughts out of it you don't need to think about that person said that thing that fucking so rude blah you're not here to come up with the story like actually just like sit with the feeling of like okay there's like a pit in my stomach like my my i feel really lightheaded like i feel my

my heart is beating really fast i'm really short of breath like whatever you're feeling and i actually think that is so helpful because i definitely feel the thing about i don't even know what to do when i'm sad it's like the natural thing is like i'll just distract it's like okay well i'll just play sims like what do you like what does a sad person do i guess they like eat food and like watch tv it's like no actually like that is kind of what you should be doing but also like as in like being kind to yourself but also feeling the emotions and like i've also watched a ted talk on self-compassion which was really interesting um which if you literally just type in ted talk self-compassion i bet it comes up um it's just some woman it's really cool um she's also got an autistic son so i kind of related to

her like experience of like having autism in the family and stuff like that um and like how that taught her to have to be like compassion on that level really cool woman um but i think it's like feeling your actual emotions in your your feelings in your body is actually as close as you can get to like actually like sitting with the emotion yeah and not getting wrapped up in like ruminating on thoughts yes because that's the dangerous thing having fake arguments i'm just gonna say to them oh my god like i'm just going to say to them, oh my God, like, I'm just going to just, it's like, no, stop. Stop. Your hands are fucking boiling hot.

Your hair, your hair is light as a feather. God, let's deal with that. Take a seat. Sit down. Let's just sit down for a sec. And let's like feel, let's acknowledge the fact that your heart is going a million miles an hour. Yeah. I think that's actually something that we say quite a lot is like, let's just take a minute. Yeah.

Let's just take a step back. You always say that when it's like,'s just take a minute yeah let's just take a step back you always say that when it's like when you can see i'm about to cry yeah because you start going crazy and i'm like let's just take a minute do i okay but almost like the hatred comes out isn't i i wouldn't have thought it's when you're about to cry in my mind it's when you i can see you getting really annoyed with yourself like you're getting frustrated yeah and it's almost like taking a step back and being like i'm actually safe like i'm just in my room safe as anything like windows open birds are chirping earth is turning everything's actually fine yeah and i'm in a human mood in my human experience i love that i'm in a human mood that's stunning i'm in a human i'm in a human wait that's stunning i'm in a human mood i'm in a human mood let's get

that on a t-shirt yeah um i think as well there's a huge there's a huge roll another advert while you're at it hit the credits um i think there's a huge part of it as well that feeds into like an idea of um getting better or getting worse oh and like failing if you feel bad because almost if you're feeling sad about something it's like oh you're acknowledging that like that thing didn't go the way you wanted it to or like oh you fucked up or yeah oh that was bad wasn't it or like oh they didn't like it when you knew like all of this shit just starts coming out and i think there's a lot of what wraps into like the shame yeah that was really just really like slurping away um just some water there's a lot of like shame that feeds into the idea of like

if i acknowledge that i'm actually struggling a little bit i have to be vulnerable enough to admit that to myself and that in itself can be really scary i think for people i think that takes so much time as well like that was one of the things that in this kind of bad like sort of shitty period i've just had i took i was feeling shit for like a couple weeks before i like had the cry yeah probably longer before i had like the cry the breakdown um to my mom it was it was like that actually took so long to get to that point where i was like god i'm actually feeling so bad and like acknowledging it was half of the fear and i didn't even realize it was the fear i had just been like

burying and burying and burying and just powering through and actually as soon as i did that and i cried and let it out it honestly but also this is the privilege of it not being like a clinical i don't have depression and it was genuinely there's an issue in my life sort of thing and there's stuff going on and my room is a shit tin my room was a mess yeah i'm depressed because my room is messy but genuinely because it was that kind of simple for me as soon as i cried and i let it out and it's like okay now there's a plan you need to tidy your room you need to process some emotions that are going on boys are shit blah blah blah you need to just go through some stuff time will pass and then it's actually like oh as soon as i let that out half of the issue just seemed to kind of deflate in front of me and it's like oh my god like i'm in a human mood

and it becomes that simple yeah it is though isn't it stunning yeah yeah which is so comforting actually it is yeah because it's it becomes really simple and like just you know easy come easy go say lovey say love vie when in rome i actually don't know what c'est la vie means c'est la vie seize the day c'est la vie that's carpe diem oh fucking hell love a bit of french we get some funny messages sometimes i feel like people think we're really stupid please we are please we are with some things we're really smart with some things and we're really done with others funny like the amount of messages i get that like when you pronounce that wrong did you mean it well it's like when we got an influx of messages saying guys steve jobs is

dead it's dead it's like i know it's like oh my god um but i like it i'm here i'm here to be a silly ghost yeah same um well i hope no one's feeling too sad yeah no i wouldn't i hope i But I like it. I'm here to be a silly goose. Yeah, same. But I hope no one's feeling too sad. Yeah, no, I wouldn't. I hope I wouldn't after this. If you are, then... I wouldn't after this. So if you are, sort it out. Then you're...

There's no hope. No. I just think, I hope that this has made you feel better. Yeah, and we're here for you guys. If you really are feeling a bit past the point of no return there is a return we're sending you an escape route definitely and and there is help available there really is like yeah i think it feels like there isn't i mean i know that feels like a silly cliche thing to say yeah but it's true if no, there really is. We're okay, aren't we? We have each other. Yeah, we do.

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