Goes Without Saying - HOW TO get out of a slump & spiral UP: podmas #18

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Welcome back to Podmas. Welcome back to Podmas. I've just been guzzling tea, so I feel like I sound like I've got tea in my mouth do you know what i mean so i just if i sound my tea is getting slightly cold that's why i'm just downing it i i can't really drink a drink unless it's piping hot i had a shower this morning that was just oh it wasn't piping i'll put it that way just but i'm staying in a weird house

i'm actually back at my house now but i'm staying in another house at the moment um because my dad's in england i'm just seeing him and oh my god the shower it was the definition of lukewarm oh not nice that's a challenge in these winter months it was a challenge in these winter months but it was just you know it's just i don't think i like things unless they're boiling hot i want to be scolded yeah almost like i want to be on the cusp of death yeah i'm really alive yeah genuinely though honestly and you know what i think that's i want to take me to hell yeah i think i'd be comfortable burning anything it's too cold i don't want my arms to get cold yeah i didn't bring a little scarf with me or anything i'm packed for these conditions i wasn't expecting to be here oh my goodness i packed for the winter

i left all my friends down in hell i thought i was going to hell before we forget what's behind the door yeah the door is holding um just some actually some good information today on something we've been saying a lot about like the way that we understand that you can do a few you know one bad decision leads to another bad habit and then you make a mistake and then you do another silly thing and before you know it you're on the negative spiral you're on the down you're going straight down to the pits down down down there she goes flushed away down she goes it's not good it's not looking good for her exactly alack why is it so fucking hard for me to get into my thick skull that i could also surprise surprise do a nice thing that leads to another good habit that

makes another good decision that leads to another nice decision and another good habit and spiral up and stack some positive things and positive behaviors in check and have this cumulative spiraling positively effect why is that so hard to believe that it's only possible to spiral down down down to the pits she's flushed away we can actually spiral up up up to um i don't know i don't know where you guys want to go so um i don't why is it why is it so hard to think of anything that's up positive to the um it's like australia it's like i don't know what's up well we just spoke about heaven so that's not yeah i know it's like let's not that's what we would have said it's like fuck we fucked heaven heavy this episode already

well anyway we're gonna be spiraling up together because you know we love to spiral and i think when we get all the all the classic things like drinking water and going outside it makes you want to barf it makes you want to kill somebody from personal experience no totally it makes me want to puke it makes me want to slit somebody's throat it doesn't feel good it doesn't feel good it gets me gruesome it gets me a little bit peeved and actually i think i think we just have to deal with it that actually some of those things if not most of them if not all of them are probably like generally pretty good advice yeah um that is the upsetting bit but also that's the upsetting bit it's upsetting but it's

also kind of empowering when you think we don't have to feel like i actually do have a lot of information i have essentially a list of things that i know will help in certain ways they obviously don't fix everything and it but they can help to set you on that spiral on the spiral spiral up spiral up that's what we're doing first step of the spiral first step of the spiral is to understand that there is no pressure and that whatever step you can take is the right move for you right now and if drinking water or going outside feels crazy daunting that's fine we can rein that in a little bit like we don't have to move mountains today we're just gonna start thinking about what it might feel like to make

a bit of an effort god bit of lecturer we've got a 10-step program for you let's just start thinking about you know what might that look like all of a sudden it's like we've got a 10-step program for you just spiral so first thing says let's just start thinking about you know what might that look like it's like god character thing to accept about the spiral is that the spiral is a free zone no judgment it's a judgment free zone the spiral can go up you can go down it's part do you know what that's inherent in the spiral so the spiral will go up you can go down it's part do you know what that's inherent in the spiral the spiral will go up and it will go down yeah there's not you can't go we're gonna take it at your pace yeah you have so that would be my step one is to just be like look this is hard hands up

woohoo spiral like it's fine yeah okay let's get excited about the idea of what the spiral might mean for us i'm giving out movements as well you know we're really spiraling with our hands right now i'm standing at a podium and i'm saying that's how i feel you know by the time you guys leave this session what am i looking for i'm so good at this just to get to grips with the model of the concept of the spiral really is what we're working on today we don't need to be going all the way up the top of the spiral but we're just gonna get to grips with the model of the concept of the spiral really is what we're working on today we don't need to be going all the way up the top of the spiral but we're just gonna get to grips get comfortable you're not leaving here at heaven level okay you know most of you are going to be working on the you know step one step two sort of level that's what we're looking at

today spiral is level two stand up for me stand up the hall so you're gonna be giving out okay that would be my first step though genuinely is to just be like okay all of these good things sound great they sound lovely they sound like they're for somebody else because for me it's too daunting right now because i feel like shit and that's fine and that's valid and i'm just gonna sit here for a sec and i'm gonna give myself a pat on the back for just getting through i'm like i'm still breathing i'm still here i'm still existing i've made it through to some degree and it's been tough so congratulations congratulations on you congratulations on the podcast congratulations on the podcast and congratulations on everything

second step i think would be to be like intuitive with yourself and be like what do i feel like i can do that i think is yeah that was what i was going to put a step once i'm glad you've got it in there okay because that really is um the crucial thing because i feel like any sort of list that's like okay so you can feel yourself you want to kind of um be feeling a bit better in your life you're feeling shit whatever for me my go-to thing was always always always shoes on we're going for a walk yeah and actually in so many cases it is shoes on let's go for a walk but that doesn't have to be that's not like um a one-size-fits-all for every scenario walk walk walk because sometimes it's like the walk i think for me will usually happen in a day um and will be one of my main sort of

uplifting things i can do but like before you do that are you comfortable are you kind of hyperventilating? Oh no. Have you eaten? Are you a bit starving hungry and a walk is going to make you want to pass out? Like there are loads of things that need to happen really for that walk to be the satisfying thing that you want it to be. Yeah. So I think it's not just like, oh, let's go through the list.

It says things that make people happy. Oh, I guess swimming. Yeah, I'll go swimming. It's like, let's think from like internally what what do i want to do right now because it could be like have a nap could be like even small things like there's like this fleece that is in my house this kind of just like a fleece jumper sort of thing and whenever i wear it like it's sort of thing you'd put on it if you're really cold in the house it's really not a nice looking thing yeah i know it passed around i don't know who the initial owner of this fleece was it's sort of thing you'd put on it if you're really cold in the house it's really not a nice looking thing yeah i know it passed around i don't know who the initial owner of this fleece was

it's probably like one of mine and my sister's friends or something because we wouldn't have bought this or something we got handed down 17 years ago it's hideous um and whenever i'm wearing it i'm like oh i just feel like shit i feel like shit and it's like yeah step one is remove the fleece get out of the fleece and my sister was wearing it the other day she was wearing the day and she was in such a bad mood and then she was like she took off the fleece and she was like kind of saying like note to self never wear the fleece never again never again no wonder you're in a stinky mood it's not that's not you talking that's the fleece honestly it makes you feel like dirt so i think a lot of the thing it's like is your hair greasy like that's not gonna make you feel great that will do this if you're me it often is like that's probably one of the main barriers to

you feeling good right now and you are you wearing a disgusting fleece that you hate yeah it could be hurting probably are not but for the rogue one or two of you out there yeah i know everyone's got some sort of fleece i mean almost like are you in dirty sheets right now in your bed like there's definitely an equivalent of the fleece right now going on oh for sure do you need a wee you haven't dealt with your comfort levels yeah you're a sim you're a sim and your social bar is low yeah it's the face guys what was i gonna say love that about the fleece great i'm looking at it now that's a good one you i record often in it you might even do it's very nondescript like it's not something you would ever notice but for some reason it's got bad um bad aura yeah there's something negative in it

um okay let me think because i had something ready for us do you know what it kind of is sorry i just suddenly yeah kind of um um the horcrux around your neck are you joking seph i've just said that twice did you i missed you say that i said it over and over i was i was really cracking up my own joke i was like oh i'm so sorry hor hate when that happens when i miss a joke well you got it you got it now but i got it from the back of my own brain it's funny um well you can listen back and you'll love it oh sorry that i was speaking over you don't be ridiculous no i was probably just speaking over you oh i'm sorry sometimes i don't congrats thank you and thank you for thinking of it as well congratulations to you really well i might

have only got it great minds i kind of heard it subconsciously maybe but no i'll give you credit i don't doubt that you would make a joke about harry potter it's not it's not likely it seems likely that we would both get there eventually yeah um all roads lead lead to the hawker um yeah okay i guess i don't have anything to add my thing would just be um yeah do what feels good for you and also actually okay so my next step and i say this all the time and it is difficult i think because it's just kind of like oh i don't know what does that even mean most things i say but i always say and i always think and i always say it to you and i always say it on the pod i always say what am i gonna say guys know when to push know when when to push and i mean like if you know you need pushing right now yeah fucking push then

push and if you know that you're pushing too hard no no no no you need to know when to push not now like and that responsibility is yours and yours only like no one else can come in and tell you like it's time for you to get up open your curtains come on let's get some air in here come on let's get some light get outside or it's time to not do that it's time to chill chill chill come on sit you down like i'm gonna hold you back and you're gonna have to sit and you're gonna watch this film with me and you're gonna be thinking about work the whole time no no no like only you could make that decision of like i'm pushing myself too hard or like this is a nice um gentle way to get me moving into the positive spiral that we speak of this is a nice doable

it's a likely thing that i can do it's like a healthy challenge rather than setting myself up for failure or um yeah it's just gonna make me feel shit like it doesn't have to be okay first step i'm gonna start i'm gonna accumulate lots of different um lovely habits i'm gonna go to the gym every day this week i'm gonna drink two liters of water every day i'm gonna do half an hour of duolingo every day because i'm a fucking cunt it's not giving fun no i need to call a friend for an hour every day i mean jesus that's a lot but like no no no yeah but it's like oh you're barbie you're you're everything you're everywhere everything everything everywhere all at once it's like no no no no no when to push you can't do that you silly silly boo sod yeah

silly sausage you silly sod um and part of that comes as well from like thinking about what is intuitive to you like drinking two liters of water if you're not doing that at the moment like is that necessarily right for you who knows like that might not be the best place to start and it definitely doesn't have to be i'm gonna do this every single day until my dying day it can just be i'm gonna make an effort i'm gonna do one thing that i can do and it might not be like a conventional thing that other people would recognize as an achievement like something that always makes me feel better is editing the podcast like once i've edited an episode i'm like yeah i feel amazing i'm i'm on top of the world i love i mean it's very convenient

yeah no i love it um but it does a real actionable and like it totally is it's an achievement that you can tick and it's either unfinished or it's done yeah it's done yeah it's a manageable daily thing yeah but it's also not something that i can like cash in at the social bank of capital and like get some recognition for it's like no one gives a shit if you've edited an episode like big whoop like tiny violin comes out it's like good for you you've edited an episode like it's not like oh i've been to the gym every day this week i learned a new language i've learned two new languages i've done i've read six books this week like i would say that is um giving some kind of i'm reading non-fiction i'm doing this i'm doing it's like no no no

editing a podcast is like god what a fucking loser like but it makes me feel good and especially in podmas it's like god okay we've got episodes to edit it feels great to do that it's a really nice actionable thing of like i've done it i've done something and now it's like we can only keep we can keep going up from here um so i would say think about like something that just will work for you and know when to push wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this?

I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com I love that. First of all, round of applause. Thank you. Absolutely divine. Thank you so much.

Absolutely lovely. Lovely morsel for the ears. Morsel? A morsel. Oh my God, it's been really in my head recently. Just a little something. A something morsel to munch. What's that?

From Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets. What's Toot Sweets? You don't know Toot Sweets? Never heard of such a thing cheesy cheesy bang bang oh bloody hell seffy jesus how old do you think i am have you seen that though i've seen yeah like 20 years ago but two sweets is iconic um song no i wouldn't think so and don't try a toffee or cream oh it's kind of spooky and they say something huh it's unnerving it is and they say in that

something a morsel to munch or something what's something about um your reference is always very um off no no they're perfect they're perfect i they make me feel like um uneducated and like uncultured for not getting them because it's always yeah well it's always like even though i know chitty chitty i wouldn't have picked two sweets or whatever it's called no but it's almost i know it too much it used to be my favorite film sort of thing when i was yeah it's almost it's quite kish it's quite old english of you you're a bit you know that child it's like you were playing with marbles sort of thing yeah playing yeah like it's very like there's a sweetness to it that i don't have yeah no but i

think that's just from having the video of that and watching that over and over like yeah i definitely there are definitely a weird yeah that's a weird one for sure i'm sorry i'll put i'll hold my hands up no it's not though everyone will be being like oh wing you're an idiot i referenced something about that the other day um oh someone said something about the dog they were like oh yeah and all the dogs sort of come in and i was like yeah edison and i was like i should not know the dog that's crazy should not know that the dog's called edison i definitely watched it a few times as a kid but like it wasn't something i was going back to a lot after the age of like crazy film like there's a there's an intermission in the film like there's literally intermission on the screen like that is a crazy thing to see we should do that we should actually we kind of do yeah i

guess we literally this episode is sponsored by blah blah blah that's the intermission is chitty chitty bang bang forgive me is it controversial in some way is it is there something bad about it oh there definitely will be i mean it's made absolutely a million years ago there's just something in my memory telling me that something was a bit dodgy even though it obviously is a lot of it well definitely there's a child snatcher child catcher yeah he's mental oh i thought he was a snatcher he's a child catcher oh god he goes treacle tarts god i get everything wrong free today oh convenient yeah all free good okay cool yeah terrifying i would love a free trickle tart jeremy treacle tarts ice cream and they get truly will love those and then they go and get why did i think it was snatcher that's really bizarre i mean it's got the same ring to it same energy yeah i guess just the child

catcher he's horrific um a bit of a snape energy to be honest from him yeah kind of grinch he's a bit yeah grinchy slender man oh god gross you know really weird film though like i'd actually i'm actually going to do a watch of it soon i think i'd like to watch it i'm also doing a watch i've been thinking of freaky friday oh wow that's like oh that's on it that's a piece kind of not really in my memory of like what happens at the moment so i need to watch that soon i actually recently as in yesterday what was i gonna say oh yeah i put together i know i always joke that i've got like 500 films in my top five yeah and it's a work in progress but because i've been seeing so much of the letterbox stuff where they like pull people and they're like give me your top four sort of thing

really stressful really stressful that's why i was i need to be prepared for all these social occasion well i thought it would be quite good for me to know like i would love to know just like what are my top five and the joke is that i put everything in my top five like i walk out of the cinema and more often than not i'm like that's going straight in my favorite yeah um but i've collated my top five and then i've got oh my god i'd love to hear do you oh my god literally more than anything okay stop all the clocks they're not they're not in order they're not in order okay okay but this is just the mishmash this is the top five okay can we go slowly through them okay i'll actually start with my honorable because i'm

gonna do like i'm gonna keep putting my favorites on there as i remember the honorable one so top five aside then i'm gonna keep adding to like yeah that's actually just reminded me of one um five aside it reminded me that i need to put bend it like beckham on oh so good so that's on my so that's on my extended list yeah this is top 10 so bend it like beckham shrek 2 black clansman those are my honorable mentions yeah then this is my top five back to the future yeah blue valentine yeah prisoner of azkaban divine has to be that salt burn is in there what we'll see how long she stays there we'll see how long she stays there and men in black too okay divine and that's my top five wow yeah and i do feel good about it

yeah it's like a bit of a good mix blue valentine prisoner of azkaban salt burn men in black too back to the future it's kind of got a bit of everything it's like i'm i'm referencing my childhood like i'm nodding to you know who i've been in past i'm keeping you know what's staying true to me right now like i i salt burn could leave but i'm really obsessed with it it's really good but it can't it's not it doesn't it hasn't earned that that a year needs to pass to see if that holds up okay um in your top five well there we go that's my um wow those are a few from me if you care i will um i will keep you guys updated and i would love to hear yours sephi i don't have my top five apps actually collated in my mind but i know that going in there um oh god i want to get up my

letterbox yeah that's the thing i think what i'm missing at the moment is some sort of like um kind of incredibles or like some sort of some sort of pixar disney moment so i think us is going in there yeah it goes that same my neighbor totoro yep i see that for you do you know what's going in there this was always my favorite film throughout my entire life really um well since i saw it i didn't see this too young but pulp fiction i was the first film that actually blew my mind and probably is the reason i studied film i actually definitely was like quentin tarantino i was obsessed with as a teenager and i and i hadn't watched Fiction for years because I was like, I wonder if this actually holds up.

And I watched it about two years ago. And I mean, there's so many things I would change and that I think are wrong in that movie. But just the structure of that film is insane. It's a movie, movie. That's insane. And that has to go in there. I just think that film is fucking incredible.

So that's three you've got. Yeah. And then I would put like School of Rock rock okay that's you need something in there and that's perfect yeah yeah school of rock 100 so you just need one more yeah i don't know what that is yet but leave it open yeah that's nice yeah i've actually just added gone girl as well to my extended list yeah that's a great one i would also say promising young woman is up there yeah up there but it's not in the top five um well oh i'm gonna put catching sorry oh my goodness i can't believe i've done this catching fire yeah i can't believe you've done this that was the first movie i ever

thought you've done this never end this movie is perfect catching fire of course so cute never end i'm so sorry no no we forget forgive completed um okay well if you don't hear from us yeah i hope you guys are feeling okay i know we kind of just started talking about films and i don't know why i did what was this even about it's like the positive spiral i do feel like we need to wrap that oh yeah we really do i would say the final spot of the of the step four would be um kind of how did we get to stop four step four because we did step one no pressure oh god i didn't know i've been keeping track yes step one no pressure step two was intuitive use your intuition to think about what is what you could actually do

oh no yeah my airpods dying step three was like no interpush yeah sort of vibe step four is going to be like it's Pulp pop fiction yeah it's always like you know when it's like enjoy your cookies enjoy the cupcakes step four is like sit back and enjoy the spiral yeah like be happy about what you've made sort of thing um well thanks everyone for coming along yeah it's been a bit weird this one but that's the nature of podmas that is the nature and the nature any other way exactly hijinks ensues so if you don't hear from us assume we slay too hard you