Goes Without Saying - how to have the best year of your life: podmas #11

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

on the 11th day of podmas sephy & wing gave to me... unsolicited advice and cringe wholesome chats on lessons for the new year. join the conversation every monday.shop our merch: sephyandwing.co.ukcome and chat in our book club.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Here's a show that we recommend. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com On the 11th day of Pornmas, Sefi and Wayne gave to me... Great start. Why does nothing rhyme kind of like um advice that i didn't really need yeah that's good yeah that's good perfect well i do think with these titles if you found this

podcast you'd be like wow how to live the best year of your life god these guys really know what they're talking about and then you listen and it's like nobody's coming harry we better go to bed unless we get expelled or worse killed or worse expelled it's so bad how are you today the christmas panic is getting well and it's well and truly sinking in i was also thinking earlier like i feel like the past week like with podmas and stuff i i in a way i feel like i could do this forever like i definitely don't feel like drained or like burnt out from it like i'm still looking forward to doing the episodes which is definitely yeah it's crazy isn't it but it's definitely consumed a lot of the time like i feel like pre-podmas i was super like wholesome and festive and i feel like at the

moment i can't move for sephian wing like it's just everywhere I look it's just there's a lot going on so I'm a bit scared about getting everything that I need to do done and all of the usual stress also if you can hear like grizzles and grumbles it's because Ozzy's literally on my chest like a baby microphone he's got something to say he's kind of nuzzling in like he wants to but it's not gonna happen but if you can hear snoring like it's not me um but what about you how are you feeling um well my mum's just broken her wrist so that's not great literally i just got back from a war um where i bumped into pretty much every single person i've known from my whole life um and i got back and my mum was on the phone to like the nhs like on hold sort of thing um and she was like i've broken my wrist i think someone needs to drive me to get an x-ray so we're doing this quickly so i could go drive her to go get an

x-ray she she's not in that much pain i think it's a sprain personally i diagnose it as a sprain i mean i broke my wrist so i hate to say i'm an expert but they are i remember it's to be very very painful like a broken bones that you can't move it like it's she broke her leg if you recall yeah i know you do quite recently over summer she broke her leg which was i mean a big fucking deal she wish i'd have a bed downstairs things like that but this one she just she went she fell like flat on her face in the middle of town she like and like something's happened to her wrist so she needs to go have an x-ray merry christmas vibes guys yeah i know also i'm having to drive my grandma so i had my grandma's car and my grandma got in a you guys know the honda jazz yeah my

classic honda jazz but my grandma was in her honda jazz she was in a car crash like a month ago where she flipped two and a half times over the bonnet how mad is that walked out with not a scratch Charles I'm recording again see you in a bit I don't know what he's watching he's listening watching some TikTok she flipped two and a half times over the bonnet so I have given her back her old car only fair that was nice of you i said see what you can do really really inconvenient timing for me to get a car um but of course she had her old car back which means that i'm having to drive my mum's i believe it's like an old b-nut perjure i don't know what it is which i've never driven any other car other than the honda jazz so let's see how that goes

other than i drove my grandma's newer honda jazz yeah to take her to the shops a few months ago but let's see what happens will we make it to the x-ray who knows so apart from that you're feeling good i'm a bit hung over today i went out in on the town last night um which was nice yeah everyone from school i was making i was making a great joke to everyone i was like i feel like we're about to do a science lesson i know that shows great joke i actually got some big old laughs i'm sure it did yeah i'm sure it did um but yeah so other than that fine big question coming up how do you have the best year of your life what comes to mind when you read a silly little title like that i think you've just got to relax i think you've just got to essentially relinquish all control and trust the timing of

life some way yeah i think you've just got to accept whatever comes because really no one knows what the fuck is going to happen in their year and a year is pretty arbitrary anyway as we always discuss time is a construct it's all bullshit but we love a ridiculous marker oh my god a year um i think you've just got to take it as it comes but i also think like i don't know are you i love setting the intention of like i'm going to have a good year are you good at um relaxing into it i'm having to be at the moment i think i think i'm like for example it wasn't on my to-do list today to go to fucking hospital yeah but i think when it comes it's like right you've got no option i think you have to relax

into it go with the flow but it is hard isn't it it's like oh my god to do though that's the thing i think with all of the like really cliche abstract things that we always say in every episode and i always say like they don't hit until they hit and it's almost like you think you know all these things about relaxing into it and just accepting and trying not to control things but you don't really know it until you can feel yourself in it and how hard it is yeah so are you setting yourself with the intention of having a good year and what does that look like for you and how are you setting the words of i'm setting a personal word of fun it's a year of fun and i'm setting a word for both of us that i'm dragging you into and for us it's the year of fun and I'm setting a word for both of us that I'm dragging you into and for us

it's the year of celebrations amazing well congratulations on the celebrations of the podcast I think with you I would just want to celebrate 100 it's just celebrations it is what about you are you like do you have any like theme for the year I this is what I mean I need to sit down I don't I haven't had the time recently I've been too like consumed by you know when it's just like god I haven't had a minute and it feels like I feel like the end of the year is just that chaotic time but it's quite an important thing for me to like sit down and really like take my time analyzing what I've done so far yeah how it's been like where are we going um what am I doing and how has it been this has been the best year ever for me i think

stunning it's actually been an amazing year like it's been really um oh my god i think i've actually had some of the weirdest and like worst lowest maybe scariest moments of my life this year but i also think overall i'm ending the year feeling really happy with who I am and what I've done and what my life looks like and I just feel I agree with you I want to celebrate that it calls celebration yeah I think how to have the best year of your life for me I completely agree it's about um letting go of the control and relinquish your control and trust the timing of life I think it's about letting go but I also think for me what has given me I don't know if I have really earned the title best year of your life yet but I think something that's been really

massive for me is acceptance and forgiveness stunning and what are you forgiving yourself I think I'm forgiving myself for just for just being who i am which sometimes over the years for me personally i think it's hard not to be disappointed by who i am because and i think that's quite relatable not to say that you're all shit but i think we it's definitely relatable yeah like i think we all get in our heads about having these expectations of who we want to be what we want to do the things you want to have x y and z and in so many ways it's like well you're only ever going to fall short of what you want and i just feel like the thing that has helped me most over the past year has definitely been working really hard at almost trying to see myself from an outside perspective and just cutting

myself some slack yeah i think perspective is everything it is as we were saying i think we've said it a lot in a lot of the few past few episodes like getting outside and like actually realizing that well the world isn't happening inside your head or inside your phone it's like perspective really is fucking everything have you had any big perspective shifts this year any big epiphanies or just the year of realizing things i don't want to again make it about body image because i feel like it's the most boring thing i could talk about but we're all desperate to talk about body image i hope so i think also i've been terrified to speak about it for so long and actually i feel like i am in a place now where i can actually like get some clarity on it and I think this year is the first year in my whole life I've made any like um tangible progress on it like I can actually feel

that my life is different than it was six months ago like I the way I view myself the way I view like the importance I put on like weight as like a fucking stupid thing that has so much weight to me if you pardon the pun um I think um that has been one of my biggest things I've taken away from this year like I genuinely feel like I've made so much progress in terms of um body image shit like I can wear things I never would have worn I feel really different about myself and things like that and yeah I just think that's been absolutely huge and that's been pretty recent like in the last like three or four months but i think that's something that i've learned things this year that i want to continue with in the rest of my life how have you done that

um therapy 100 therapy what did therapy actually having targeted therapy that isn't just like i feel anxious today that's like actually like right here is the fucking issue and there's like almost fucking nhs therapy love the nhs seeing them today can't wait um send my regards thank god they're here no really though and yeah i think it was like right you're going through a fucking program of like this is the program of stuff we do for people with body dysmorphia and it's a 12 week fucking thing and this week we're doing this and this week we're doing this and it was like it was just the best fucking thing ever like if you struggle with and literally anything i mean therapy like i've had therapy before that's just been more general therapy and it's been like helpful but i was actually very very very surprised of like how much i've actually learned from it

like i have tools that i didn't have january 2020 what year is it 2022 like the beginning of the year i didn't have these tools and i felt like i was just like in a maze with it all and it was almost like i'm going to be fucked with this forever and i couldn't detach myself like it's like i just am someone that um i couldn't cope basically with it it's just like this is who i am i can't cope with this blah blah blah like this is just this is something i have i just feel shit about this this is just that's it and this year i've seen like the glimmers of like oh you don't have to feel like that the whole fucking time like when you feel like that this is what you do and i mean that like i can't even explain how big that is to me that now i have um literally resources and like almost um academic books on the things

that i've been struggling with like silently for like since i was a fucking 13 year old girl like oh my god there are studies like people have been they're like phd fucking studies on this shit it's not just me being nuts i just thought it's incredible and so that's just huge to me wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find a Field Guide to Gay Animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com if you could go back to january 2022 and talk to yourself and just tell her one thing what would you say oh right i'd say chill the fuck out and i think that's my message to myself at all times. Yeah fair enough. Just chill the fuck out like relax literally relax like stop just like absolutely spiralling in your head just stop just like absolutely trying to work everything out. What were you spiralling about at the beginning of the year that you're not so much now? I think I spiralled about everything like if I'm really bad i think i've realized at feeling sad angry uncomfortable anything like if there's a negative emotion i just want to fix it straight away i'm just like oh

fucking get get this out of me like fix it fix it fix it and i actually think there's something about quite stunning and just like allowing yourself to feel a bit shit sometimes yeah um and i think that's another thing i've learned this year just like actually just fucking relax like it will pass like just be like be nice to yourself whilst that you're going through this because sometimes fixing it quickly is actually just burying it and it will just come out later and i also think yeah sorry go on no damn well i was gonna say i feel like as well sometimes we don't even realize that we have shame around feeling certain emotions and it just comes out in like trying to analyze the way that we feel trying to fix the way that we feel and a to fix the way that we feel.

And a lot of that is rooted in you're uncomfortable that you feel that way because you feel like it's not valid and you're not allowed to feel sadness or anger or like you're ashamed of it for whatever reason. And I think lots of us have that in loads of different ways. Yeah. It's hard though when you're in it. It's impossible when you're in it. Do you have like, if I could zap you back to january 2022 we've just launched the book club we are reading bunny it's a fun time if i could zap you back there what are you telling yourself i would almost i would almost want to say no spoilers like there's there's almost so many i feel like there's been so many fun things that have happened this year that like in amongst all of the shit and like the hard times for me to be at this point in the year

that i feel like actually i don't know if i've ever felt like the happy good fun hilarious stupid silly peaceful wholesome content times yeah i don't know if i've ever felt like that has outweighed the like sad low awful scary times i don't know if i've ever felt like that so i feel kind of strange that at the end of this year like because it's not that the shit times haven't happened because they definitely have um i just almost think it's about acceptance i've accepted that the shittiness is just shittiness and it just is what it is and like i'm gonna live through it yeah and i think i've been able to then give myself the room to like enjoy the good things more and i think i just like myself more i think i can just zoom out and like see who i am a little bit clearer and it's almost like

before i think i would really punish myself and be in my head i always say like even to my friends in real life that sometimes we're really limited on ourselves like the like who we are has to be a very narrow fit and if we make one slip up then you are the worst human ever do you know what i mean you could do like a hundred amazing things and it doesn't matter and it's just almost like i'm constantly on this path of like you do one silly little thing and you're the worst human being to ever exist and you deserve to die and it's just not true do you know what i mean and i think i'm always like i always hear my friends say like oh and i shouldn't have done that like oh blah blah i'm so dumb like i wish i could just do this this and this more blah blah blah and it's like

we're just too hard on ourselves that's why I find it interesting you saying earlier forgiveness because actually what you want nothing to forgive yourself for like no apology necessary yeah so true like there's no nothing you've done wrong like it's not like oh right I'm trying to forgive myself for committing this terrible crime no I need to work through it's like you're forgiving yourself for just being a bit sad sometimes it's like and all things like i think as well the podcast has done crazy things for me i think i think it's made me we were talking the other day about how you can't not like laugh when you think of it like it's almost like it's so amazing earlier i was reading through messages and my cheeks were actually hurting from like fucking how it's mad just feeling so happy about it and i think it's impossible for that not to

make a big impact in my life because this is just everything i ever wanted to do and i think i've i'm very fragile and sensitive and i'm very cut up by feeling like i'm not doing it well enough and i think part of enjoying the process has just been about forgiving myself for falling short sometimes and like i almost like watching myself not be perfect and being like okay but i'm still here and like no one came and like killed my family for it like i'm not like i still have a beautiful dog almost karma is my boyfriend like i'm fine like a cat on my lap yeah like i deserve to be able to just be a little bit shit sometimes i just think my relationship to myself has changed so much it's interesting because you're also not that shit like it's

funny because it's like i need to forgive myself for being a bit shit sometimes i just fall short it's like you're not falling short though you're just not that's it's purely like it's kind of your nightmare the other night no it really there is no falling short like there is no um no apology necessary like you are doing it perfectly yeah like gen yeah genuinely you are thanks like show me a shortcoming there's not well there are there are shortcomings not that i can see thanks but i do feel like i think i used to take my losses they would hit a lot harder and i think as i've pushed myself as well out of my comfort zone it's meant that i've had to confront like i think before if i was maybe not good at something that would feel like well i have to die

then like that is so the worst thing ever and i think i'm just slowly learning that like if i want to do the things that i want to do i'm gonna have to be like not good at them for example for a bit or i just have to give myself the space to like be a bit silly and be a bit dumb and i don't know why i'm holding myself yeah why am I holding myself to this ridiculous like embarrassing standard it just doesn't exist and just sucks the fun out of everything and I almost think being able to zoom out and be like this is I know people I don't want people to feel bad because it's silly but like for example a really horrible moment this year I have spoken about it before on the podcast I just started new medication and I probably didn't leave the house for like I don't know now it's hard to

it's hard to go back to that time pretty much flashbacks yeah maybe a month i was thinking and i not even didn't leave the house like i didn't really do anything like i kind of sat on this very sofa under a blanket on my switch and just like it sounds quite nice no it does sound quite nice when you think about it it's almost god i was in like some sort of little retreat a spa you were on your animal crossing island yeah what a time to have stardew valley i must say it was really um hell actually but i think being able to look at that like we just didn't be like but also am i not lucky to be able to do that like and just find the like tiny moment of niceness in that. And I also think, oh, I don't know, it's just, I just feel like, oh, it's not that serious, whatever.

I almost think it's taken me a long time to grieve an idea of myself that I had that isn't real, or an idea of my life that isn't real, and like mourn relationships I've lost, or the life that I thought I might have, or who i might be as a person so i think it's taken me a long time to move through the denial and get to a place of acceptance of who i am where i'm at what i have what i've lost and i think now i'm so much closer to accepting that it becomes easier to just then enjoy the things that you do have yeah and yeah enjoy being yourself that's stunning i think that's the key that's how to have the best year of your life i think you've got no other option really the only thing that you can do

that actually leads towards happiness i think is acceptance of yourself of your life and all of this stuff and that doesn't mean like i accept it and i fucking do nothing to improve it all of these things but like no no it's the classic that shit with like jealousy all of this stuff that we've been talking about all of that stuff of like trying to be someone else and trying to be what you should be and all of this stuff i'm using quotes when i say should all of this stuff that leads towards nothing but misery it genuinely does the only option is to accept who you are right now and what your life is right now accept it make some peace with it and i genuinely think that's the only place where happiness actually is in this world oh my god you know what it is accept it make peace with it and then if you can celebrate it you've got to get a cake guys

oh my oh my god you guys deserve a cake more than anything get a cake send us a photo of your cake that would be wait why don't we all get fucking cakes and what do we write on to it congratulations on me oh my god no i would actually that's my life completed if if i see any single person let's do that bought a cake and put on it congrats on me yeah i will fucking scream my head off we'll put it let's do a carousel on the fucking feed well that requires us getting pictures of cakes hopefully people say oh my god because if you do that i will actually scream don't even bother sending a photo but congrats on you guys congratulations 100 and you do deserve a cake oh my you deserve everything you could ever congratulations on you it's so fucking true

though isn't it yeah yeah yeah why is that really nice it's like who's buying a cake for themselves but that's what's the joke that's why i kind of we always say it like get hot chocolate do this it's like yeah all the fucking nice stuff like why the fuck not like because i don't know it's just ridiculous the shit like almost we're supposed to have such like neutral lives where like even like buying a coffee feels like a lavish thing it's like no fucking buy cake buy a fucking cake bake a cake even i couldn't agree more it's your duty to yourself it is actually an order well it's kind of like it's kind of what we were saying the other day the least you can do is try and enjoy it but it is about life to make life better how to have the best year of your life

find the tiny teeny silly moments of celebration in the pits in this squalor that we've created for ourselves that's stunning thank you and it is squalor boy is it squalor oh my god goes without saying oh i miss her right now saying so do i i miss saying assume the worst if you don't hear from us it's so cute well congratulations on. Yeah. Congratulations on you. Congratulations on the Podmas. Congratulations on the Podmas. See you tomorrow on Christmas Eve. That's mad. The 12th and final day.

Day. Of Stepping Wings Podmas. How weird. Well, and what a blast it's been. The best. Congratulations on you. Congratulations on you. And buckets and Podmas.

And Podmas.