Goes Without Saying - How To (Realistically) Romanticise Your Life

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on negative biases, generational trauma, perspective, and privilege. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Goes without saying our YouTube has dropped finally we have been filming non-stop, high jinks ensued and now the Sephian Wing cinematic universe is alive and ready for you to come and enjoy. There'll be videos all through July and hopefully ongoing as well but come and just see what's going on. Till the end of time. Yeah. Oh wait where can they find it? Tap in Sephian Wing guys you know how to use youtube. yeah and it's also on our instagram sephianwing. it's also linked below if you need if you need some help yeah yeah

hey hey in the height of summer living it up brat summer. i was thinking we haven't really made i've seen so much sprat summer soft girl summer whatever blah blah blah we haven't really made, I've seen so much, Sprat Summer, Soft Girl Summer, whatever, blah blah blah. We haven't really done Sethian Wing Summer which we should really have. We've been like it's the summer bonanza but it's like- It's summer bonanza but we don't have a different name. What do you mean different name? We don't have a specific, you know like Podmas for example. Yeah and we did the spooktacular bonanza, we've just kind of taken bonanza again. Yeah we're just, I think that's our running

theme is we do a bonanza unless we've got something specific like a podmas. Podmas is, oh God, I can't wait for podmas. I know, yeah, I was thinking about podmas the other day. Podmas is gonna be good. Should we do a spectacular bonanza or something? Yeah, of course, yeah, why not? Let's do every kind of bonanza.

Yeah, but I'm really liking the summer bonanza. The summer bonanza, same. I hope everyone else is liking it. They are liking it. Oh my god, sorry, can we just, this is gonna be really late by the time this one comes out, because we're recording this a few days in advance, but Spotify changed their thing.

Yeah, what was going on with that? It's really fucking annoying. It's like comments now. Yeah, I know, but it meant that like, for a few days, now those episodes, because it's like, why did you guys, Spotify, have to do that when, I don't know if you noticed, we were doing a summer bonanza. So now those bonanza episodes because it's like why did you guys Spotify have to do that when I don't know if you noticed we

were doing a summer bonanza so now those bonanza episodes don't have any messages on them because I couldn't do a question box there's no poll there's no nothing it's just really like I know you guys have thoughts on those episodes and now I can't see them but anyway gutting yeah really gutting so thanks Spotify absolutely devastating in fact. Okay well the bonanza is going well so far. Yeah I'm really I am having a bonanza I have to say. Me too. Good. It really is a bonanza. Freya I just absolutely love when we record every day. Same. It just brings such an energy to life I think. I hope it's bringing energy to your life as well. Yeah it's definitely bringing an energy to your life I'm sure. Our manager Fre Freya, the other week now was like,

how are you guys finding that? Like, any regrets? And it's like, no regrets. No regrets. But it's definitely, it's so intense, but I love it. And I feel like we've had a big energy behind the Sephian Wing world for a while now. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like we've really been running on high. The higher fire. Yeah, we've been running on a higher fire for a while, which I love. For a while, but that's the only thing that keeps us going. I think stoking the higher fires is one of the most important. Fanning the flames.

Kind of parts of fanning the flames, the higher pre-sus fire, is one of the most important part of obviously the job role. Like we really do take time to stoke the flames. I also just had a bit of a weird thought of we at some point are gonna have a big announcement. what? about some- don't say it yet though but something that we're doing in august. no no no. at some point we need to think about how we're telling people that. that just gave me shivers to

even realise what you're talking about yeah. yeah. i keep forgetting about it and then remembering. yeah. i sometimes get that. i mean that will be fanning flames so we need to have a big me and you and then me and you and Freya and whoever else she can bring in the room. We need to have some big conversations about that. I want a meeting with like- On that day on the 18th. With the boss almost, with someone that has some experience in this thing. Yeah.

Like- God guys. Some of you might even be there without knowing that you're gonna be there. I don't know if that makes any sense. That makes me feel sick, but yeah. But like, it's nuts. Almost, you might have already booked tickets to this thing

without realising that we're gonna be there. Cause we only got confirmed for it like a few weeks ago. The other day even? Yeah, literally a week ago. Okay, so let's think about that. Yeah, okay, yeah, that's a real like, what the fuck has gone on there? day even. yeah literally a week ago. okay so let's think about that. yeah okay yeah that's a real like what the fuck has gone on there. that's burning flames for sure. like that's whoever's pulling the strings of the universe. someone's made a big mistake.

her name's millie, i've seen the emails. millie, she's been she's made a big mistake letting us in. millie, if your name's millie and you've been emailing freya, you've made a big mistake. you idiot, what were you thinking? Booking little loves heavy and weighing. All right, anyway, how to realistically, no pressure with love, romanticise your life? Was that to me? I don't know. I guess.

I think it always is to you. There's no one else here. Anyone else wanna take that? No one else is gonna. Harry? No one else is jumping, no one else is jumping, unfortunately, it's just us. And we don't have any questions. We're not doing questions for Summer Bananza, are we?

Haven't done a single question, in fact, no. But we've had good topics. We have, we have, and we haven't needed them. We can't talk for 20 minutes, God, we're. Yeah, God help us. Yeah, Jesus Christ, we've lost our touch. How, what was the question, sorry? How to realistically, like, we've lost our touch. What was the question, sorry? How to realistically,

we're having a lot of conversations at the moment and we just had a big conversation about how to look after yourself with love, all of these things. You wanna have a nice life with love, not in a hateful way, not in a, oh, my life's not good enough way, in a loving way of like, this is great

and I'm gonna really enjoy it how do I map my life? How do I really indulge in my life? Yeah. Make the good things feel better. Do you know a word that you have got you into? Is it ascribed to me? You have, is that a word? Yeah. Hedonistic. Yeah I saw it the other day, hedonistic and Yeah. Hedonistic. Yeah, I saw it the other day. Hedonistic. And I was like, oh my god, I really remember Wyn calling me hedonistic. And I do think that that kind of ties into just the kind of conversation we were having in the last episode, but also in general, romanticising your life for me, I think requires leaning a little bit into that hedonism of like, really, really like enjoying things, like those sort of essentially the sensory things of life, like almost

your meal, the sunlight, your walk, laughing with your friends, like all of this stuff, the real like your comfy bed, your clothes, like all of this stuff like the real like your comfy bed your clothes like all of this stuff like I Really think when I lean into like a more like hedonistic side of my no That might have to get ya even yeah, okay Yeah, I really was thinking that and thinking I don't want that to get even this constraint with that name. But I do think that is the definition of romanticising your life. If we're talking about like not adding anything but just like adding, viewing it through a romantic lens,

that's what it is for me for sure. I would just when you said that it's really yeah by not adding anything it's like yeah you're not um not flying yeah, you're not, it's not about consumption. You're not going on holiday all of a sudden. Not about consumption and it's not about comparison. No. For me, that's really important to hold onto front of mind. Yeah, that is the pits, but that's where I live. I've been living in the pits, don't you?

Comparison. I see you there all the time, in fact. Yeah, comparison, I think that's also a huge, our initial conversations around romanticizing life, that kind of quote unquote concept, like kind of in the TikTok way a couple of years ago, was I think a lot of emphasis around like trying to make sure that people weren't comparing themselves

to other people or making their life look a certain way versus actually feeling a certain way sort of thing. And I feel like oftentimes with social media, obviously we've got no choice but to make things about the way that they look, because it is all about literally that, you're looking at it, so it is the way it looks rather than the way it feels.

Yeah, I can't feel your matcha going down my throat But I can see it. Can't taste that fishy taste. I can't taste it, but I can see it. Yeah, and it looks oh wow How beautiful it looks. It looks divine and good for you. That is a different thing from enjoying it But it can be a different thing from enjoying it And it's definitely a thing to keep in mind when you are consuming other people's content and when you're looking at other people's lives and when you are living your own life and I just want to Come with a really loving angle of just like I'm sure you have a few moments of like real joy and pleasure in your day And I really want to maximize those moments. Yeah. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Because we don't get much in this life. Unfortunately, I kind of feel like I don't know there

there's kind of a few ways because I do love the sort of like grab the few minutes you can get to enjoy like, okay, so you've been living a manic fucking day, you've had like a crazy shift from hell, and then you enjoy your five minute cup of tea. But I also feel like so much of that like just take sneak the little moments of joy, lean so much into just like the capitalism. It's the only answer, yeah. Yeah, it just feels quite bleak still at the same time of like, okay, well, if you can maybe sneak this moment, I do think that's really important. There have been times in my life where that has really helped me, that sort of mindset of like, okay, well, today's been fucking awful, so I might as well just make this five minutes fucking nice. And that

is so important. But I also think on a societal societal level i don't think it would hurt the society to just um slowly be working towards like or i especially mean like in british society we are so tailored towards the negative like even things that are neutral become like negative. Like it's just, we've just inherited that mindset of like everything is just- like so much. It's actually like quite insane. Like so fucking much. It's insane. And I can't even put it into words guys and if you're not from England, if you're not from the UK, it will just be like well I went there once and everyone seemed alright and whatever. Everyone's miserable. We're alright, but like you can't, it's not a tangible thing. No, there's just an undercurrent of misery around the ocean.

There's a weird murkiness happening. Yeah, there's just something in the eye, there's just a greyness. There's just something here. Something in the water. It's like chronically pessimistic. Like everyone is just like, and it's almost like a rite of passage of your grandad and your great grandad and your great grandad everyone just sort of was slightly miserable and that's just how it goes on and that's like the most true state of being

rather than being like life is fluid and some things are the good and some things are bad we're always tailored towards the negative i feel like that could do with just like a more general shift towards the positive or like even like not even the positive reality. Yeah, I agree with you. I think we talk about this all the time and I really identify someone who like yeah, as a child I grew up and I looked these adults in the eye and I saw that they were miserable and I thought, this is the way. This is my future and this is my life. And to even consider an alternative is really weird and like not even an option. Like how dare you even insinuate that there could be an alternate experience where you're not really miserable. And I think there's a huge part of this that is obviously about race and class

and so many things feed into people's idea of the hardship that is expected of them to go through. And it's like for a lot of people, and for my ancestors specifically, I'll honor them in this moment, they lived through real hardship. There was no alternative way out. There wasn't a romanticizing life moment. Oh my god, that would be a slap in the face. Yeah, it's not about romanticizing life.

It's like, yeah I get why you guys maybe, you could have been miserable and I get that because life was miserable and there was no alternative and I'm fortunate enough now to be living in a different experience And so working against almost as well. I hate to bring balance back into it but it's like to a point like there is so much truth and validity in like kind of immigrant people living in London and dealing with the hardship and feeling really like My my truth is that life is hard. That is so valid Yeah, and I will look my grandparents in the eye and say, that is so valid.

But I will also then look my parents in the eye and say, but you guys had choices. And you indulged in the negative a lot. And I grew up thinking that misery was the way. And that to claim any time as your own or to pursue anything truly fulfilling to even try and be happy really yeah was really like futile and just not an option yeah i just didn't think it was an option for like real life people no that you could for example have a fun job which is totally so many systemic issues but also it's also just not the full story. No I really think like when I really look back to yeah like my childhood or

just like how I learn about the world I do think I grew up thinking that happy people were stupid. Like, I thought they are thick, they don't get it. Like, they are, they're sort of ignorance is bliss sort of vibe. Like, they don't, um, they're only happy because they don't understand. And as I've grown up and like sort of made my own assessments of happiness and like pessimism and all of this stuff, I do think that is just completely, completely not true. And I think there is such a weird

glorification of misery in England. We really do. We think highly of people that are really stoic and sad. We seem to think that that's a really like almost like it's intellectual to be um miserable. Well actually you can be both like you can be a happy clever person like that is a thing by the way. It is yeah and surely that's the goal. But it doesn't seem to be it really doesn't seem to be. Yeah no that is interesting because you are right I don't think I thought that as a child but I definitely see what you're saying. I think I did. I just thought like, oh they're so happy like they must be dumb. Yeah, no that is, yeah it is also, it does feed into the thing that we talk about as well of like, when you experience a certain depth and then

you recognise that depth in other people and also life is so shit and so fucked up. That yeah like, that is a part of getting on in life. Surely to be happy, we do have to look past certain things, but also how smart are you if you're choosing to indulge in only sadness? And how useful are you to solving the problems? Yeah, are you helping to solve any of those things? And also what are you doing?

Yeah. Yeah. If it's so bad, yeah, it's just a really interesting, like, there was a, do I want to say this? You could dress it. Well, it's about my granddad's funeral, so it's just almost like, do I want to say it? But I just thought it was such an interesting way that my family is, that, so at my granddad's funeral, I, it was like a, the fucking woman woman that did the... I don't know if she was a priest or something. A priestess.

I don't know what... she's the ultimate priestess. She got a few things wrong in the service. She said his wife said something and said the wrong name. She just said a few things. My cousin's called Giselle, she called her Gazelle. Just things like that. I was just like, oh bloody hell, like this is a bit of a mess of a thing. But like, it not that any of it matters, but it was just a bit of a like, it was a bit of a sham waltz of a situation, you know, like five mistakes. And we came out of it, I could tell my grandma was kind of like nervous about like, oh god, did that go badly? Like she was a bit like, maybe thinking like, did I let him down or something

like that? And someone said to her, it was a beautiful service. It was a beautiful service. And I saw the look on my grandma's face and she was uncomfortable with that. She does not want it to be a beautiful service. So I jumped in and I was like, it was fine. It was just fine. Everything about that fine. No, not great. Not bad. Just fine. And the way she relaxed into that, just, I knew, like, it was just like, that is exactly what you wanted to hear because you're from that generation where you don't want a beautiful service. Beautiful service, sorry what? No, I just want it to be not bad, fine. Grey British funeral. So I do think there's like a comfort with just not, not negative, not positive, it's

just comfortable if things are like, just not standing out, it's just perfectly acceptable. And I feel like that is, I think that's like a hugely, that's where it's like, if I tried to describe the concept of romanticising your life to someone that is like grown up in that sort of thing. I think it seems completely foreign and I do think it's so internety, nonsense-y, like the language around it but I also think it's so like actually important. Like the fact that we are- I think it's so amazing, yeah. It's so important. Like the fact that we are humans that have evolved on this tiny rock, which

I do go on about but I also think it's so important to remember the state of where we are. We're on this tiny amazing thing and the fact that it's now a thing that we have to remember, should we enjoy this? To enjoy ourselves, yeah. By the way, you've only got a limited amount of time. Should we enjoy it? It's like, could God, could never do that. Honestly. And that's why I commend the 16 year old who first said, romanticise your life on TikTok. Yeah, hands up. Let's everybody, round of applause, standing

ovation in fact. If this is what the younger generations are talking about. If that's the contribution. Like, the fact that's become like a sort of, it's like an outrageous concept. Like, it's like oh, gosh, silly, silly young people trying to enjoy this thing. It's like, well, we'd rather not. It doesn't come naturally. It's something that, especially in England, yeah, you have to think about it.

It is, the awareness of people on TikTok being like, romanticize your life, only highlights how far we are from that as a default experience. And I love that young people are seeing that and being like, oh my God, maybe me and my little life is worth romanticising and enjoying, maybe. Yeah, even also with romanticise your life,

I don't even necessarily see it as changing anything. It's more just noticing. The mindset. It really is. We've all done it. I know we've all done it. Where you've made a list or thought of the things that you're grateful for in that day. I know we've fucking done it. Seriously, everyone's probably done that thing. And the things you write on there are not... No.

I would bet. They're not things that you have gone out and done specifically you write on there are not um no i would bet they're not things that you have gone out and done specifically to write on that list they're things that been happening this whole time unnoticed under the surface like yes oh my god my bed was really comfy it's like i didn't even notice that my bed was is really comfy right now i didn't even like take that in it was just a thing that i slept i slept last night in my bed it's like but when you actually take the moment to like why are we in a place where you can't acknowledge the things that are good? yeah it's fucked up. it's pretty weird. yeah okay. nice so what's so what's the thing that you're like what does for example like romance says in your life today what does that look like to you?

For example, like romance is in your life today, what does that look like to you? Oh Jesus. But what's the thing you're like. Okay, so something I always think as well before we're gonna record, because sometimes it's like you're not really feeling very recordable podcast wise. You're feeling a little bit like,

God the microphone, me and the microphone don't know each other today sort of thing. It's like, well, I better get to know her fast. Yeah, yeah. Take her out for a date, few drinks, bite, yeah. Take her out for a date, for a drink, bite to eat. Honestly, take her out for dinner first. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I've got a hell of a night

in a store being this white. Oh yeah. But I always think to myself, and this is a really, this is obviously like, this is the most basic thought, it's the most basic sentence really, but the idea of like, okay, but I get most basic sentence really, but the idea of like, okay, but I get to record.

Yeah, you're so right. This is like a, this is a luxury. Like, I mean, and this is, it's quite a big example, actually, it's like, this really is a luxury, but like, of most things in life, it's like, do you have to do X, Y, and Z, or do you get to do it? Some things, the mindset shift is, it can do half the work. Yeah. And recording a podcast is like a kind of crazy example because it's like that really is a luxury.

But like it could be anything. I have to walk my dog and it's like, but you get to walk your dog. So true. You get to walk your dog. You won't always get to walk that dog. That's the thing. You get to walk this dog. You won't always get to walk. Like it's like. Jesus. Yeah you're so right. You won't even get to walk one day guys. Yeah. Like there's. I don't know I just think. In a guilt free sense yeah. Because I think as well then I really quickly go into like I'm not always going to be able to walk this dog. I'm not nice enough to my dog. And I don't appreciate the fact that I can walk da da da da. Do you know what I mean? Like I start to go a bit like I start feeling like I'm not making the most of my

life and then I feel bad about it but take the shame out of it. It's just I get to do this thing right now and for right now that's all I'm doing. Have you seen the trailer for the new the Florence Pugh Andrew Garfield film? No I haven't! Because it's filmed right next to where I used to live in London, it's filmed in Hearn Hill and they're like walking around Brockwell Park, they're literally in the area that I used to like one minute from my door sort of thing. So it's quite crazy, like I saw when it was being filmed that it was there, like literally

mental, like couldn't be closer sort of thing. And there's a line in it, Andrew Garfield, I can't obviously remember it word for word, but he's like, the film is called We Live in Time and it's about like time basically, like a story of people's lives. And there's a line in the trailer where Andrew Garfield says, I spent so long thinking about what's ahead of us that I'm forgetting to look at what's in front of me right now or something like that. Generic line. But I think it's so true it's like we you can slip into that mindset of like oh my god and the fact I won't get to walk one day or walk my dog whatever is so terrifying

blah blah blah. But we spend so long worrying about that stuff. It's like actually but you get to do it right now today. Right now. It's actually so, um, it's quite a zen mindset actually of just like, you only really ever have the thing that is right in front of you. Like it's so basic but I just feel like we forget it so much, this society. Yeah. And you're doing fine right now. You really are. You're doing, you're doing just right Goldilocks. Yeah. It was just are. You're doing just right Goldilocks. Yeah it was just fine. You're doing just absolutely fine. Yeah you're doing just fine. It's not beautiful it's just fine. Not beautiful it's just absolutely fine. It's just fine. And see how comfortable that feels.

If I said you're going to be doing well suddenly it's a bit like oh god am I? But if you're doing fine everyone's like oh nice. Relaxinging. There's no pressure. No. There's definitely no pressure coming from us. God no. Goodness no. Okay. Cool. Nice.

Summer. Summer. I love that one. That was a really nice one. Yeah, that was really nice. I love that. you