Goes Without Saying - how to stop procrastination: a Messy Girl manifesto

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

procrastination, perfectionism, and debilitating self-doubt... is there anything this girl can't do?join the conversation every monday.shop our merch: sephyandwing.co.ukspeak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives. Go check out Resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. It goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. And your fairy pod mothers are back for another episode. Today we're talking about productivity and procrastination and all of those kind of girl boss topics. This is a good

episode if you need a bit of motivation, if you need to get some shit done. Not in a tough love way, we're not here to make you feel bad, we're here to make you feel good. I think we give some like actual practical tips in this episode so enjoy. Oh god. Perfect. I don't breathe when i do the intros get so nervous for them jesus perfect hey ready cool hi once again i'm excited i can't remember what we're talking about now oh yeah productivity yeah procrastination productivity just all the things that we love to talk about we're just the clutch girl bosses well you really are i'm shaking my head a productivity procrastination chat i can't wait do you feel like someone who is kind of in there not in their right mind but like do you feel like someone who is equipped to be giving tips

on productivity and procrastination mixed yes mixed Yeah. Like in some ways yes I think I've got like a grip on it but in many ways no. Yeah fair enough. In what ways have you got a grip? I would love to know. Let's just start us off with some confidence with some like you know yeah we want the positive up. I want to I want to be motivated like you know give me some something i am currently reading atomic habits which was mentioned in the last book in the last episode yeah um and it is quite a good book i am enjoying it it's about kind of getting your habits in order like looking at the way in which like the small decisions you make throughout your day and like the large impact those have on your life very interesting a lot of like sort of persuasive arguments that he makes

throughout the book i'm fully sold on his um on his way of agenda yeah his rhetoric so i think i've got quite a good sort of collection of habits at the moment so i think i'm i've got quite a good i think morning routine which i have never had before i'm not really a morning routine kind of gal like i'm more of a wake up at whatever time lie in bed watch some youtube videos roll out of bed what time to call this it's midday snoozing by boozing snoozing by boozing kind of gal like as she should as i should but like or it varies sometimes i wake up at fucking seven in the morning would go on a run i could do crazy things sometimes i'm not on a schedule like i just do whatever she's a free spirit we can't hold it guys i'm boho babe yeah exactly yeah yeah i do

whatever the spirit tells me to do yeah and recently in the last few weeks i've been on a real sort of habit kick since reading this book and I've been really getting my habits in order so I feel like I'm quite um I get myself quite geared up for yes the best day I could have it's 2am I need to rearrange my room sort of geared up it's that kind of energy yeah yeah so I think I'm quite good at that but I was never really good at like keeping to a timetable like a revision timetable or things like that like i'm never i'm never very good at that sort of thing like i'm kind of the opposite of a girl boss in those ways i mean hey whatever works so what are your habits and what's the impact that they're having my what made you what made you think okay i'm gonna finally read atomic habits

like i'm gonna see if i like it i'm gonna do whatever like fine like i've been broken down i'm gonna start implementing habits like what was the switch do you know who it was my queen at the moment florence given it's florence given yeah i actually i've been listening to her podcast exactly which i am really enjoying like really really liking the vibe and she was saying that she read atomic habits and i thought you know what i'm gonna read Atomic Habits and yeah I really like it some flip-flops yeah good okay and what's the impact that it's having why do you like it I think it's good to get your day all geared up like it's not really about morning routines but I've really put it in terms of like there's one bit in the book which tells you to write out every behavior you have in a day so it'll be like get up go on my phone have a shower

brush my teeth have my breakfast whatever like it'll be things that hang my towel up like really small things and then you have to put either like a plus or a minus next to each thing if like one of them is like positive one of them negative or if it's like a neutral um action and i went through my morning routine which as we've said is not a routine but more just like a collection of just like what yeah and and i put i realized it's like okay so i before i even have like had a conscious thought in the day i've done quite a lot of like negative actions so the habits that i've put in like it will just be things like drink some water before you look at your phone which is what like my phone does not play a part i do not look at my phone until like 11 in the morning now like my

phone is not an active participant active participant in my mornings anymore which i am loving all my evenings just not just nice things it's like eat breakfast like like make sure you do that like have a shower like get dressed is a big one yes things like that which i'm really enjoying like i think that things like that they make such a fucking difference to yeah then actually what you're able to do in that day because it's like okay so i was trying to have a good day was i when what i did was like roll out of bed yeah put my slippers on shuffle down to the kitchen like like kind of like what the fuck asking for trouble asking for trouble i do think as well it kind of comes back to what we were saying about how we like to think of things in

these like really grand gestures almost of like huge achievements or milestones or big markers of success or our countdown to like this date where everything's gonna happen or i'm gonna go here or i need to buy a car or i need to pass my driving test rather than the small moments that are much less um glamorous or exciting yeah that are like okay i need to google a local driving instructor for example yeah to get you on your way to passing your test or getting a new car whatever we tend to think in these like huge kind of grand um milestones that make it much less tangible much harder to actually like work towards anything um i think i'm sorry no no no i think it's a big deal to know what you're working towards as well like

i think i was really thinking about this recently like in loads of ways i'm like oh well why don't i um why aren't i just better in every area of my life and it's like but you don't really have any goals in any of these areas like it's almost like um that means nothing to you if it is my goal to be happy like i've never even thought of it in these terms like is my goal to um i would love to i don't know oh like why am i not on holiday right now? And it's like, but what, have you made any steps towards that? Do you even acknowledge that that's something you want? Like, so many things, it's like, we feel like we're behind in so many areas. But it's like, you don't even actually know what your goal is, what steps, like, for example,

yeah, but you want to be able to drive. You might feel shit every day because all your friends can drive, but you can't drive. But you've never even thought, okay, so I need to book a test. I even want to drive, like, that's a big deal to me what are the steps that need to happen in order for me to like break it down get behind a wheel of a car yeah i think as well like it's again something i've said before is the idea that like i have had a bit of a problem i think that i'm now like i think i've managed to learn my lesson after some tumultuous times i feel like i kind of had it in my head that like oh yeah whatever like that doesn't work for me or like i like almost something so simple as getting out of bed and getting ready and having some breakfast

rather than sitting and watching youtube on your phone it's gonna make you feel better like i would have it in my head like no like something so simple can't be yeah exactly like come on like whatever like no one actually does that like yeah like that doesn't make sense or whatever i think part of it for me was accepting like you're a human being with human needs you need to take care of yourself and the longer you don't take care of yourself as well the harder the price you pay for like all your ailments that you end up developing like you can tell i was having this conversation with my friend recently who's been really like just working to the bone and like not prioritizing herself not even

understanding that she could prioritize herself sort of thing and i was like you're paying the price now like so just like overused word but like burnt out and just done like you're so at the end of your tether that you're paying the price for all those times that you brushed off your own needs like brushing off your own needs and like things that you need to do in order to take care of yourself they feel like they feel almost negotiable but they're not negotiable a hundred percent because you do pay the price for them you do all of that time you spent sort of mindlessly scrolling feeling like moment by moment just like slightly worse the longer you go through on tiktok you go to jail monopoly go to jail do not pass go do not collect 200 quid it's like you're gonna be

paying paying the price because at dinner you're gonna be in a bad mood because the last half an hour you've just spent like scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling and six months time are gonna pass and you still can't drive yeah it can't this shit does actually catch up with you no it does and before you know it you're not 16 anymore you're like a grown woman you're 26 yeah it hurts it hurts it does it actually does hurt though it actually does like legitimately cause me pain yeah like haha this really hurts something that i as well have kind of struggled with i think like my whole life to be honest really like since i can remember and that i'm really like trying to work a lot a lot more consciously at now is my perfectionism because it really stops me from doing anything because i have this crazy idea of like oh well

i can't um i don't know i can't i can't go and drive i can drive by the way guys but hypothetically speaking i can't drive because you know i need to find the right instructor and what if i find the wrong one and it's not going to go well and i put all this pressure on myself for it to go a certain way that i create this kind of bizarre scenario in my head where you don't do anything where i don't do it yeah no the reality is i don't do anything because i paralyze myself with the idea of the standard that i know i'm not going to be able to meet and actually i'm not gonna lie i'm i'm making some moves these days are you well i've got some i've actually got a tip okay can you believe i've i'm actually coming i've got a life hack go on obviously it's from my therapist so immediately take the points from me it's not it's not my genius

not my president but what the fuck was that did you hear that what was that it was like a duck like that's what i thought but i think it was my dog was it like a squeaky toy no he doesn't have any toys like that make that kind of noise i don't know i think it was from his mouth honestly duck duck goose um we were saying yeah just to quickly say we went into this episode saying let's just be what did we say like light as a loosey goosey loosey goosey loose as geese lease as geese let's be lisa's geese let's be lisa's geese loose as a goose lisa's geese anyway yeah um yeah rachel's tip her majesty rachel's tip yeah is it wasn't even a tip it was something that she told me to do which was basically to we pinpointed some things that i wanted to do so say let's say for example um learning to drive

would be one yeah i want to pass my driving test and get a car and scoot around town as you should okay yeah good for you okay good for you happy for you rachel would say what rachel said to me was start creating small behaviors that wouldn't necessarily fit where you see yourself now and we're gonna call them experiments and then you can come back and tell me how the experiments went so for example like let's say i woke up and i was like this is just you know me personally these are me and my issues okay so whether or not you can relate i can only apologize if you can i would wake up and be like shit i want to drive i need to drive oh my god right well i should probably look for instructor i should probably book some lessons

oh no i can't do it i can't do it oh my god it's too much it's scary it's overwhelming i'm not doing it cut to six months i haven't done it give up give the fuck up quick quick quit avoid avoid avoid at all costs and instead the idea would be i'm gonna wake up okay i'm gonna do a bit of an experiment today my experiment would be i need to feed back to rachel for example yeah let's say you want to feed back to sephie and wing how might it go if you google a driving instructor near you and book your first lesson or just have a chat with them on the phone for five minutes and see what their schedule is like what their lessons look like if that's something you can do how would that experiment go because it's not really me doing it's just an experiment that experiment go because it's not really me

doing it's just an experiment there's no pressure it's just an experiment like i'm almost i'm going in with the idea that if i fail it's immediately a learning rather than if i fail it's a reflection of me because this isn't my thing this is just an experiment i'm doing it kind of turns you into sort of a character it's a bit like you're sort of a crazed scientist when the lightning strikes it's like quick get in the delorean and learn to fucking drive but i do think i think whatever way you can sneak yourself into taking the pressure off and starting to allow yourself to just try things because something i'm really feeling at the moment is even if nothing comes from it or even if a total disaster comes

from it you do deserve to try like a hundred percent you deserve to try and fail you deserve to try and win you deserve to have amazing things at least the bare minimum as a human being you do deserve to try yeah and i definitely think for a long time i felt like i couldn't try real examples from your life of like how that how you've been putting that into practice like what's some fun experiments you've been doing okay well this one is just the first one that came to my mind not necessarily fun okay um actually let me think because that's not really productivity let me think no no i'd love to know yeah or any or anything that you want to give well this is the only one that i can kind of think of right now another thing we've kind of been talking about a lot

or something i've been thinking about a lot is the idea of like these rules that i have that i live by of like you know if my core belief inherently is that i'm an unlovable unworthy human being ouch yeah out what are the rules that i've developed for living in order to keep me safe so for example one of my rules has been um kind of i must only ever reflect other people back to them i can't have my own opinions or thoughts or like you know i shouldn't really have a voice and i shouldn't really share how i feel my feelings don't matter i need to prioritize others that's my rule for living is prioritize others just ignore kind of what i was just saying it's so ironic that then you started a podcast oh exactly this is why it's

my favorite thing because it's so actually hilarious that like the quiet child talks for a living yeah like also your rule about kind of silly things like we talk about like shrek and donkey like it's also you don't like it's funny to be like my rule for living is don't have a voice it's like god well you have a strong kind of public voice yeah unfortunately you do your rule is big time broken yeah so sorry carry on a rule for living that i grew up with is you know prioritize others needs don't acknowledge your own needs for example and so i had an experiment that i knew i was going to be seeing someone that i hadn't seen in a bit and we're kind of friends but like you know you know, just a bit weird, whatever. And I went in thinking, in kind of a group setting, but I thought, there's kind of, there's a...

Can I know who? You don't know who they are. Just, no, it's not like... Got it. It was Sefi. No, I thought it'd be someone we both knew. I was like, wow, who's Sefi? No.

No, but I know who you're thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. Oh, I you're thinking yeah yeah yeah no oh i don't yeah that can't go no that can't go no anyway just judge it when you read it anyway um wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.

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Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com yeah and i kind of had this vision of how i would be i thought that i would kind of go into it and like immediately lose myself and like slip into that kind of child version of me that like wouldn't say anything and would just like give everyone else the floor and just observe and cater to everyone's needs and kind of i'm sure a lot of people relate to this but kind of like really being hyper vigilant of everyone else's behaviors and moods and trying to preempt how things might go wrong so always

trying to like appease other people and keep the peace and the harmony and kind of protect yourself by keeping everyone safe or keeping everyone happy and so that was my hypothesis for the experiment and so my experiment behavior would be i am gonna share my thoughts i'm gonna share my opinions i'm gonna share my feelings and i'm gonna see how people react to me am i confronted am i faced with am i met with confusion like what is are people bewildered what happens literally no one bats an eyelid and i carry on with my day and i get feedback to rachel i tried something a bit new for me and it worked and even if that doesn't change the rule for living right now it's gonna hopefully compound evidence exactly i'm gonna compound and add and create

some cumulative evidence as i go i do it once i might do i might repeat the experiment again i might do something else so for example it becomes a behavior you book your lesson okay then maybe you know when you do another few lessons okay you might then book your test and suddenly not only are you booking driving lessons and doing your driving test but you're also um sending off your cv for a new job that you kind of don't have all the qualifications for but you think you could squeeze your way in and you think it could be really cool or oh you kind of act a little bit different in a social scenario where you start to feel a little bit more confident and slowly but surely i think it becomes this like

snowball of positive evidence so that's where i'm at feeling good do you know what i think this is such a thing they do teach is your cbt that you're having yeah i think it's such a cbt thing because the therapy i had for body dysmorphia was cbt as well it's like a mix of cbt and some other bt thing um bt network i don't know what some other fucking thing um and there was a lot of that thing of like what comes first the behavior or the belief and often the behaviors come before the belief so like my therapist we love but i i'm not gonna say her name because it's like niche and i don't want anyone to be like okay she blah blah yeah yeah i love her she's mine because like no she's mine okay um but she was saying it almost like imagine

it's like a sort of a greyhound race of like there's your behaviors and there's your beliefs like running in the race so it's like you might have the belief that um yeah you can't book your driving test but the behavior of like right i'm just gonna do it like i don't identify as someone that can book a driving test or that can drive or any of this stuff but if i just my behavior will get there before but my belief will be just after it like they're always just like in this race is just always slightly after and there were so many things I had to do like these experiments of one of my beliefs I had I have I have this absolutely stunning blue dress most stunning blue dress ever and I had a real belief that I couldn't wear it anymore I was like I can't wear it like I think I'd seen a photo of

myself which I hated in it um I actually wore it to the first women in man women i was gonna say it's like that blue dress yeah it was like the most stunning dress like blue dress so nice i bought it and i i think the photos i didn't like were probably from that but i saw a photo which i didn't like of myself in it and i was like oh my god i cannot wear that oh never again the experiment was wear the blue dress and i knew i had to feed back and like. Yeah. Wear this dress. Or like, look, you've wasted a week of therapy. You haven't done the experiment. You've just got to do it next week.

And I wore it to a day out in Brighton with my friends. We're going to Brighton for the day. And on the day, it's like, I felt like I was doing this huge thing by wearing this dress. But it's like, of course, nobody even bats an eyelid that you're wearing it. Like no one even notices you. But there was one person that i walked past and it was like this little kid and she's like she looks like a mermaid and it's like god you know what evidence stacked in the blue blue dress being stunning camp like yeah yeah a bit more evidence for that so i think so much of it is about building this like stack of evidence around your driving test a blue dress

talking in public um situations whatever it's like you're just basically trying to build like a well of evidence that stacks against the fucking shit evidence that you have against the thing in the first place definitely and it ties back into the habits of how do you spend your day today do you spend your day today as someone for example i'm speaking to myself here so i don't want to trigger anyone because it's speaking to a version of me but do you spend your day as someone who sits in bed telling themselves they can't do things because they're not good enough they're not going to do well enough whatever there's no point blah blah blah or do you spend your days trying things bit by bit and kind of facing the

challenges going through the pain of not being good enough trying again tomorrow like i think do you remember when we spoke about this kind of idea that was like let's say i can't remember exactly what the number was 57 maybe let's say you know for a fact right that everything you've ever wanted lies on the other side of the 57th failure that you get or the 57th no or the 57th bad grade or like failed thing or whatever you've done yeah after you get your 57th failure you'll have everything you've ever wanted suddenly oh my goodness i can't wait to fail i go into life actively exactly yeah seeking out these experiences that you know if i win whatever and if i fail that's also good because i'm getting closer to

where i want to be and i remember i shared recently on the story that like at the beginning that on instagram um of our podcast instagram sephian wing which by the way we're tiktok stars oh my god are we i think so i'm a tiktok star personally we're loving tiktok obsessed with tiktok and you should go and watch our tiktoks and sephian wing and sephian wing yeah um just feels like quite a big thing that we haven't mentioned tiktok sephian wing guys s-e-p-h-y-a-n-d-w-i-n-g i mean i'm in a big thing at the moment where i'm just i don't know what's happened i'm just feeling good and i think don't even you don't even need to question it like i feel like you have so much fear around like this period of feeling good it's like just accept it like you feel good like you don't even need to question it like i feel like you have so much fear around like this period of feeling good it's like just accept it like you feel good like you don't even need to work it out

there's nothing to work out you know but i want to work it out so i can give people advice do you know i don't think you're going to be able to do that for a while like just settle into it like you've only just got here just like i'm loving it i'm absolutely loving it and to be honest like in my day-to-day i sorry guys i'm going off on a tangent but i don't feel um like i just i just feel good about it i just wish i could help people like i just want to bring everyone with you i mean i like want to strap you to my chest and be like come with me like like we're jumping off the out of the plane like do you know what i mean like i wish i had something more useful than like oh my god i'm feeling all right um i think give yourself some time like as you said in the last episode

it's like you have no i've never known this history of feeling like this before so it's like put your own mask on before you put the other masks on like so true it's like you literally have in your own words have never experienced this before yeah let's just settle in see how it feels you know it feels good go to the park get some sun get an ice cream you know and also like linking back tiktok was something that in my head i was like i just could never make tiktoks like that's so embarrassing for me personally it's just not something that i could ever see myself actually how am i going to make that work sort of thing like what would that look like how would i actually do that and now it's like i'll just be kind of folding my clothes and i'll just like prop my phone on the side and like film me doing it and it's like oh my god i just made a tiktok like like i just walked

down the street and i'm like oh my god i think i'm making a tiktok right now part of that has come from not making my i just made a tiktok i just became a tiktok star part of that has come from i just made a tiktok i just became a tiktok star part of that has come from i used to have this debilitating shame around who i was and such a bad brain time and any video of myself i would be like i literally can't post that anywhere because it's so mortifyingly horrific so that was kind of the main thing holding me back of like, not only do I have no value, I have nothing to share and I need to not exist in this world. Also, like, I can't let people see me looking so horrific. So now when... I think that's what stops everyone from doing it.

Yeah, I can imagine. Surely that is one of the... I think there's definitely an embarrassment around doing anything publicly of like following whatever you want to do, whether that be like posting your art online posting like photos of yourself whatever it's that you think that it's not good enough but I think a lot of what like I have a lot of friends that say that they won't take selfies and I remember questioning it loads and it's like okay so I think there's an element of it that's like I don't want to be a girl that takes selfies it's a bit like a not like other girls vibe but I also think it's like because you have a complete shame about how you

look when you look absolutely delightful i must say like but you every like most people i think or maybe not most but a lot of people don't we know there's beauty standard blah blah blah yeah i think in a deep level it's like people are so ashamed of how they look that they literally cannot take a photo of their own face. Yeah. Which that is deeply horrifying. Yeah, it is. It really is. I think as well, like, I don't know.

I agree. I just think the shame goes so deep and the self-hatred, as we have discussed many a time, it just bounces onto every aspect of your life yeah and so it was intriguing for me to see yeah and like to live through and just be at the moment experiencing this wave of like i just feel so much better even doing the podcast just doing anything i just feel a lot more capable um because i can actually like get out of bed and like get ready in the morning crazy actually crazy um and i'm loving being on tiktok who knew honestly who you're making new you know i i actually was thinking the other day i think i was made for this literally like the worst tiktok you've ever seen but it's me it's me walking down the street but i'm just really enjoying it and

part of that i was saying to my boyfriend the other day that like i literally used to take a video and be so like oh my god cut up like ruin my whole life sort of thing and now i see yeah now i see a video of myself and i'm like oh my god like she looks so cute and happy like i just actually like that girl like when i see that girl in the reflection, I'm like, oh my God, I like her. I like her. And isn't this why we keep banging on about perception? Because it's the same girl. Yes, because it's fucking everything.

Literally, physically, you have not changed. No, I haven't. You have not changed in when you were hating it and when you were loving it. You literally look the exact fucking same. Yeah. But something has changed in your mind, which is allowing you to put a whole new meaning on yourself,

which is why the whole thing about any kind of i don't know life thing but especially a body thing it is never like it is actually pretty much never about how you actually look no because we've all done it where we're like oh i hate that picture of me or whatever and then like two years later you see that photo and you're like what the fuck that was such a cute pic yeah it's actually despicable like no it is it's really bizarre um but tiktok is one of those things as well in terms of productivity not that i guess many people would think of it as the most productive thing but just the idea that like the more you do something the more it becomes um kind of just an unquestionable part of life and not another thing to make yourself feel bad about like not another thing that you're adding to the list of

things that you're not able to do or like you can't do it good enough like i think the only reason i've been able to get on tiktok and the only reason i've been able to do really many things in life like definitely this is a learning curve through the podcast for me personally was understanding that if i wanted to only have a perfect podcast there would never be another episode like it would be dead in the dust god and i would have honestly left you to it walked away and i just you would never see me again honestly because i had to accept that it could never be a perfect podcast and no i just think high standards sometimes can be so debilitating a hundred percent but they are they absolutely are like there are some areas where it's really good to have high standards and some areas where it's like

look they can go too high like they actually can be so high that you won't end up living like you will just end up not even high standards you just hate you just actually hate yourself stop saying it's high standard like you're silly you're silly billy like it's okay it's kind of the same issue i have about people being like oh i'm just proud i've just got too much pride it's like oh i'm a perfectionist i've got high standards it's like yeah i hate to tell you this yeah it's not pride it's not oh my god i've got too much pride to do that i actually think it's just deeply deeply feel insecure and i think it's not pride it's not oh my god i've got too much pride to do that i actually think it's just deeply deeply feel insecure and i think it's yeah you're right it's the exact same thing it's like it's not my standards are so high that i have to have a perfect podcast it's it's you're setting

yourself up to fail you won't allow yourself to do anything because you know that you're going to beat the shit out of yourself later when it goes wrong it's crazy and i have found like like we said just put the tampon all the way in when you leave the tampon kind of half later when it goes wrong it's crazy and i have found like like we said just put the tampon all the way in when you leave the tampon kind of half sticking out it hurts like the more we do the podcast the more you do anything i think it becomes oftentimes less scary more natural and you kind of remove the pressure um to bring it back to atomic habits yes he was saying i believe his name is james clear which sounds like a fake fucking name it's almost like i want a name that symbolizes you know like purity productivity in the morning yeah it's like okay like simplified

you know like optimized so it's such a fake name um but like there are apparently like these rules that he says for like making a habit and i can't remember them now but like one of them is like oh i think i can make it attractive make it easy make it successful and make it i believe rewarding and i think those are all the same things it's like so say you want to make a tiktok if you for example um do the experience of making a tiktok you find it really difficult to make it and you feel like it's the perfect tiktok it has to be perfect blah blah you post it and it's not really rewarding oh and it didn't really get any reviews and it wasn't easy and it wasn't um attractive and it wasn't successful you didn't enjoy the process and you felt shit

then you're not likely to repeat that habit yeah it's the same thing of like oh so i went for a run but i said that i was going to go for a 40 minute run so it wasn't rewarding it wasn't successful and it wasn't easy so i will never do it again whereas if you go oh okay i'm gonna go for a um 10 minute run two minute run down the road yeah yeah literally literally a two minute run oh wow that was easy that was rewarding um it was successful that means you're going to do it again and I think that really has changed my mind on a lot of things because I think I when it comes when it comes to like being productive I think I set myself really um unattainable goals that it's like um you need to write a novel basically like you just need to somehow from where you are right now have written a novel it's like by this time tomorrow every time that you sit down to be like okay i'm gonna

do some writing it isn't successful it isn't easy it isn't rewarding so you don't repeat it whereas if it's like okay so i'm gonna write um for 10 minutes oh look at that it was successful it was rewarding it was easy so it's like okay so i'm gonna do it again tomorrow yeah i do think like i am learning a lot from that book actually just in terms of like basic human psychology that everyone fucking already knew apparently unfortunately it's like it really is it's like look if it's easy you and if fun you're gonna want to do it again so make whatever you want to do make it fun and then you'll do it again make it successful you'll want to do it again don't make it torture or you'll never do it no and you shouldn't you shouldn't you should never torture thou shall not ever torture it kind of goes back to what

you're saying about the greyhound race of like if you beat the if you interrupt the thought with an action so before you have the chance to think, oh, I don't want to go for a run, you're already out the door. And even if it's like, yeah, okay, I'm going to run for two minutes or I'm going to write for two minutes or I'm going to clean the living room for two minutes,

which I do need to do. Once you start and you've interrupted the thoughts that tell you to not bother, it's so much easier to just keep going on the stride you just catch that wave also a lot of its identity of just like oh i need to tidy the living room oh i'm such a messy slob i've messed all this up but always it's like actually if you just flip the identity a bit and just be like oh no i'm like actually pretty tidy like i of course i'm tidying my room like i i'm a tidy girl like you tidy every day you do like a few minutes of tidying every day yeah nice a lot of it's just rooted in like the self-hatred of like

the shit we put on our identity of like i can't run because i'm so unfit and i've never run before my running trainers are shit blah blah blah yeah actually it's like look you're a healthy girl that goes running every now and then so what do you can run for two minutes like that's actually that's quite good actually i think as well something as well that we said recently was like you can't hate yourself into this new version of you like don't try and hate yourself into being better and boy have we tried oh boy it doesn't work but it's soft and gentle times you have to be easy on yourself do things out of honestly love for yourself i know it's that is the incremental incremental steps in the right direction like hating yourself and hating

yourself into thinking also i feel like that's what like the older generation do like that's almost like i think that's why like our parents would be like oh really you're gonna have another second helping of that because they think that's like helping you be healthy or like oh really gonna lie in bed all day because they think that makes you want to get up i'm using like random examples no yeah yeah oh you're really gonna wear that they think you're gonna buy something nice or whatever the fucking shit yeah but like these things aren't gonna make anyone healthier more fun and they're like they're not gonna make you any they're not gonna make you do the good habits because they're trying to hate you into being a better person i think this general i actually think millennials kind of introduced this which i hate to praise the millennials but

like they're getting a little bit of praise here with their therapy buzzfeed lives but like they really did introduce the idea of like self-care self-love being like a topic on the table yeah and i do think it is so fucking true the only way to actually make changes positive changes in your life is through loving yourself or like accepting yourself and doing things out of what feels good you absolutely cannot make positive changes that are motivated by like hate and fear oh i hope everyone's feeling good same hurts my heart i think this would this episode would pump me up i think that's why i just got scared when you said that because i thought it was like oh god did that make people feel bad that was supposed to be making people feel good no i think i would make me feel personally i'm feeling ecstatic good i'm feeling all right like i'm feeling good

okay good all right all right you can listen to this once it's done but you know what's really funny i've been listening to like like when they come out on the monday and the thursday i listen because i'm like good what was that like i've obviously forgotten the whole combo by then and somehow it's somehow i'm telling myself everything i need no literally i was thinking that with the last one i was like when she listens to that she's actually gonna have a bit of a heart attack over like how accurate it is for your life but it's so weird it's like which is so funny because it's like you had a hang of it the last week so why have you it's so weird like also today we sat down to record and we weren't sure whether we were going to record or not because i was like oh i just feel really like imposter syndrome-y like

i don't know but like an imposter i feel so fake like i don't know who i am like i just feel shit and the episode that came out today the day we're recording this is called imposter syndrome it's like yeah you literally recorded on this last week yeah like take your own advice no do because you have some great advice in there no i did and i listened to it i thought yeah you know what you're not an imposter you're actually smart yeah you are and you have a cool thing and then i come over here and i talk shit again yeah you know it's good it's a part of the fun i think um i hope on that note everyone is enjoying the multiple episodes mondays and thursdays it looks like they are from the post there yeah i think just went up and everyone's commenting everyone's commenting saying they're loving the apps yeah

we'll see you again on monday then i think this is the thursday one is this a thursday we'll see you around see you around just a matter of days if you don't hear from us assume the worst