Goes Without Saying - insecure & indecisive: you're on your own, kid

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

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This is such a lovely episode. We're back and we're coming in, I think, quite strong with actually a really comforting combo on what the fuck am i doing okay give me some confidence in making new decisions pushing myself through whatever ugly stage i'm in looking forward to the future trusting ourselves believing in ourselves oh it's so cringe and wholesome and just divine enjoy oh wow wow it's been a while there's a big time difference between us as well right now it's like the middle of the night for you what time is it for you you can say it's the middle ages it feels like i'm in a whole different universe the time right now is 25 to 6 p.m what time is it for you um it is half past 9 a.m that is so crazy i know it's so weird why just in case we missed it

i'm in seattle at the moment which is quite fun i'm here for a month i'm here until march um and i'm having a whale of a time who is the other main character in your seattle story which one there are a few but the the main main one right now is a dog called joni that i'm looking after um who i'm a bit scared of she's a pit bull and i don't really know any pit bulls in my life i don't think i've had a pit bull prejudice going on um oh wow definitely like i definitely have always seen them as like scary bad dogs yeah um but i am loving her i'm literally loving her she's cute as a butter she's so cute it took me a while but like we're friends now you look like the best of friends yeah we're friends now i was

definitely terrified but i'm getting there i was gonna say it sounds like a joke like a stuff there's honestly a start of a bad joke or like a lie of like oh where have we been well like i had tons lighter sephie's been dog sitting in seattle it doesn't sound real it sounds it's really like dog ate our homework but it is real um and we're here yeah we're just living random lives it's fun we're just doing crazy things should we go straight in yeah we're gonna talk about being indecisive today i'm also on quite a time limit today which i'm really but it's actually quite fun because i'm meeting someone that listens to the podcast which is so fucking fun who's going to show me around a bit which is so nice um thank you to everyone that has people replied to my thing being like

i'm in seattle like can people show me around and so many of you guys replied so i'm meeting a few of you which is so fucking nice privilege of my life um but i'm meeting them in literally like half an hour so so sorry yeah we've on i don't really we've been i personally i've been a mess i've been all over the place a hot mess a good mess but yeah we're just we're we're not in a swing no no we're down we're down a huge steep slide but it's all good yeah um do you think you're an indecisive person or do you think you're quite decisive um oh i think i can really mix like i i think i have strong opinions and when i know know something like i go in like i'm like i fucking know this is right for me 100 or like that is not for me i think i know what is not for me or

what i don't want to do more than I know things that I do want to do like it would be easier for me to be like absolutely I am not doing that yeah I think I know what I don't like more than I know what I'd like but then I was wrong I was wrong and I love to be proven wrong but I think if it's like a big life decision it's something actually that i really want to stop doing to the extent that i do it but i really have to ask like a few people in my life i have to have their opinions before i make like a big decision and as much as i love to get people's decisions i think the influence they have over me is too big like if you were to tell me if i was

like i bought this new um hat and i love it and you were to say to me that's the ugliest fucking hat i've ever seen i don't think i'd wear the hat again yeah i mean it would be quite traumatizing it's quite scarring i think for someone to come in with a completely opposing view but what if i said do you think i could kind of lead you astray and be like look sephie i really see sydney for you i'm just seeing you in sydney or like if you're like oh i think i'm i really see sydney for you i'm just seeing you in sydney or like if you're like oh i think i'm gonna go to sydney and i was like i think twice about that i would definitely i'd be really upset

but yeah no i think i could be led astray quite easily like or like there have been can't we all you know definitely definitely we can but i think i really identify someone that couldn't be and actually i think in my life i've actually proven that like the average joe can't lead me astray but there are some key players that can lead me down some crazy avenues if they wanted to yeah yeah do you think you'll change that or you it's just interesting um i i think i'd like to be less dependent on the opinions of like my key people. That's really interesting. Am I one of your key people? Definitely. Definitely.

Really? So something's going on. You probably ring me and say, I would like to hear what you say. You normally say, right, tell me your thoughts on this. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of your phrase. Well, I would love to hear your thoughts. Yeah, I would love to hear your thoughts yeah i would love to hear your thoughts like yeah i would love to hear your thoughts i would love to hear your thoughts i would love to hear what you think because i think it's really bluff yeah i think it's fucking outrageous yeah that's normally what you say do you think this is outrageous because i think this is

fucking weird that's probably what you say yeah genuinely because sometimes it's hard to know because i am opinionated and because i i sometimes realize that i jump to outrage quicker than the average person or like i would be like they're fucking awful they're just fucking awful it's almost sometimes like right i'd love to hear your thoughts because you might be like oh no that's actually pretty normal of a thing for someone to say and then i'm like oh yeah i can see that actually she's only a pitbull she hasn't killed your family she's so nice and normal um but you know i do want to hear you're one of the people that definitely like say i went on a date or something and i was like this person like blah blah what are your thoughts on this one thing because sometimes it's hard to tell yeah but then i would think i'd like to do that less do you go to different people for different kind of things like like you just said like if you think you're

being too brutal would you go to someone who for example if you think i'm not going to be brutal or do you think i'm a brutal person or like do you know what i mean do you go to different people looking to hear different perspectives or is it because just whoever's closest to you i know i think i i will i don't want to ever go to the person that's going to tell me what i want to hear that i think that's the worst thing like if for example if i thought i don't know yeah i think you're quite an enabler that's why i quite i would go to you for if i was going to go to someone that wanted to tell me what i want to hear if i was going to do something a little bit reckless or like fun yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would maybe be like, do you think I should do it?

And then you'd be like, yeah, go for it. Yeah. I'm quite the advocate for like people buying things that they don't need. Yeah. People like going somewhere with someone, like doing something like a bit fun and loosey-goosey. If it was like, oh, I don't really have any money, but I might order food tonight. You'd be like, do it, do it. You but i might order food tonight you'd be like do it do it you need it yeah you should definitely i would definitely go to you for that kind of thing

but no i don't think i i don't know irresponsible basically yeah fun the best thing yeah it's a bit fun yeah um also i know that one of the main traits of a libra that you identify with is a kind of indecisive thing would you say that you you're indecisive still? Or has that changed? I think I think it's one of the biggest things that's always thrown at Libra is like, oh my god, indecisive, like, yeah, like stand for something for once, like, who the fuck are you? Which I do think is fair enough. I agree with the kind of who the fuck are you for me? Like, I feel like I, I don't, for example, like you being like, have a strong, you're quite headstrong headstrong and it's like you can't step to me and give me a random perspective and i'm not going to change for you like who the fuck are you to tell me about my life blah blah blah i don't

see that for myself why have i just got a text from you oh i just got a text from you saying damn from 22 days ago so i've just turned on my old phone anyway yeah you've got a text from me saying damn you in the past but i've never said that in my life you have you've gone damn what anyway how have i spelled that out of interest just damn like normal and i've said it funny that's so weird have i put a y in that no damn dog damn i'm just turning american by the day you're in seattle yeah i think i don't feel like i have that strong sense of self like i always say you have like an amazing sense of self like you know yourself you trust yourself and you're not i don't think you're someone who you don't take strangers opinions seriously or like you don't really i think you

largely don't give a shit about what like strangers in the street would think of you and like no i don't know i think i think you think the general population can't be trusted in a post-brexit post-new prime minister every two weeks world yeah i would have to agree with you you're probably right but i don't think i am very decisive like or very confident in who i am which sounds really deep but i think it's actually true but i am trying to get better at being like let's go here for dinner let's make a decision on let i want to do this next week i'm going to do this tomorrow i'm getting up and doing this like i think on that kind of small scale baby steps i'm getting better at being a bit firmer with making decisions of like okay where do you want to eat? I think my priority for the majority

of my life was, okay, let me prioritize everyone else's opinions and thoughts and feelings and try and like, just be easy. I'm easy. Where do you want to go? Is there anywhere you have in mind? What are you in the mood for? Just constantly trying to appease everyone else. Yeah. And I'm slowly trying to just be like, how do you feel about going here and they say yes and it's like great now we're going here perfect we just don't have the time anymore i think do you know what i do think you're good at that because i think i fall into the thing of like as like as well of like um oh i'm easy like i don't mind even though like i specifically don't want that thing i actually think also i feel like i have a oh god can you hear this fucking dog howling away

cutie by booty she's so cute she is she's saying hi her name is joni she's named after joni mitchell shit so how scary can she be she's a cutie she's so cute um but we're still the trip of a lifetime um but this is why i like meeting up with you and eating with you in particular because you will often suggest a cuisine that usually i'm feeling as well you'll always be like do you want pizza it's like yeah i do want pizza actually yeah i appreciate someone that will throw out what they fancy and it's even better when that thing actually aligns with what you want it's quite bad when it doesn't because then if it doesn't yeah totally i think my issue that i didn't like is that i feel like i was kind of training myself even as a kid to try and be like read between the lines like what does sephie want to eat like if i say pizza

how will she joke like do you know what i mean like oh god yeah and to be honest someone actually said so we asked on the story like how do you guys fare with being decisive and making decisions and those sorts of things and someone said like part of the question was what stops you or what makes you feel like you don't trust yourself to make a decision and someone said the first one that came through someone just said overthinking yeah dot like that's it that's it that's the tweet and i feel like that is it this is kind of what i was saying to seffie earlier before we started recording we were wasting all of our time and now we've got no time to do this we had the whole like we spent like two hours talking shit and now it's like fuck um but i was saying to seffie my new thing is like almost like this kind of goes against my

instincts but something i'm trying to lean into a little bit more in a healthy way keep it light keep the balance but don't think just do is my new thing like stop thinking so much like it's i i think it's pretty fair to say i'm thinking too much the philosophical thinker i'm posing yeah she's doing the famous pose i'm a big thinker she's a statue right now i'm not thinking of anything ofer i'm posing yeah she's doing the famous pose i'm a big thinker i'm not thinking of anything of interest i'm not thinking of how i'm going to cure cancer or save the world or stop climate change or any of these things i'm thinking of what could possibly be ever used against me and why am i the worst person in the world and what thing did i randomly do once that could be taken the wrong way and how have i fucked up and how i'm not myself this week boring boring shmoring

shut the fuck up like i'm so annoying to live with honestly like in my own head i'm just so honestly loud shut the fuck up and i just think this overthinking it needs to start was fucking pissing me off and i just need to start actually doing things not just sitting around thinking about how it could go wrong do you know what you're so fucking right because also we were saying like when your brain isn't to be trusted and i would say both of our brains at times not to be fucking trifled with i don't know about you guys but you know what it is sorry can i just interrupt because i know some people will know what i'm talking about and you you're not going to know this reference but i think you would actually get a lot from it because

you have a podcast okay taylor swift has a new a new song it was on midnights the extended version of midnights called dear reader yeah and it's her in a sense i'm going to butcher it but it's her basically kind of giving all of her advice and being like look i'll give you this advice but like whatever you do don't take it don't take advice from me because i'm a fucking mess like almost don't look to me for this guidance because i'm in no place to tell you where to go and if you knew that if you really knew me you wouldn't heed my words you wouldn't be tuning in every monday if you really knew the state um and i feel like that's where i'm at at the moment where you being like our minds can't be trusted

it's like yeah I don't know where you guys are at Sophie maybe I'll speak for both of us I know at least for me I cannot be trusted not at all not trustworthy character can't be trusted no a shady fellow a shady fellow in the shadows

no definitely yeah big time I love that I think that's great you should listen to the song because it's really good wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap just 99 cents until j 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson.

And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on spotify apple or wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com yeah i actually do need to listen to the rest of midnights about six months too late i never i listened to midnights we did film an amazing thing which which will go out we filmed

we filmed so much actually i really can't wait for we do our kind of launch yeah we're we're in a work in progress guys yeah i don't know what we're doing a bit and i've listened to it that one time i've listened to karma obviously a million times because it's fucking genius the boyfriend genius love it so much yeah it's iconic um but yeah i haven't listened to the extended version at all so i need to listen to that you should listen to that song as a podcaster as a person in a position of authority that shouldn't be no i'm joking you should it makes so much sense for you but there was also something that i watched on i watched this on the plane i watched a film it's got p davidson in quite random called bodies bodies bodies

you heard of it it's a horror it's kind of it's it was it was good it was a good film it was like interesting um not gonna watch it again but i liked it um and there's a bit there's a girl on there she's it is very funny it's very like gen z funny there's a girl that's a podcaster and like they they kind of all end up sort of someone's killed someone and they all turn against each other trying to work out who it is and there's one bit where this girl is like you even said that her podcast is shit and she's like did you say that do you know how hard work it is to be a podcaster it is so funny it's so hard it was so funny whether we're talking about being a podcast jonah hill and eddie murphy's film on netflix oh my god i'm dying to watch it not yet i'm dying it's actually one of my favorite films now i think it's straight in my top five do you know

what i knew it would be i knew you'd like this so good from the trailer i've literally seen the trailer i was like this looks perfect and wing will like this yeah it's really good i really i just like the vibes muslim jew conversation yeah honestly well he's done some things i've heard i haven't seen him in a while i'm not keeping tabs on everyone being good and bad and all of this i'm not god despite what you may think okay what's a recent decision you made where you prioritized your own feelings and it fucking worked out and you were hashtag killing it you girl bossed your way i'm gonna say coming to seattle it's the basic one right now but i this obviously isn't the obvious yes i had so much

self-doubt like it i would say this isn't the obvious choice for what to do at this stage in my life in life it's just not it doesn't really it's not following any kind of trajectory and also i was watching the office the other day i was watching the uk office on a dvd if you believe these things still exist because she's dog sitting in seattle because i'm just in seattle i found the office of i found the dvd of the office i thought perfect let's get this on straight away um and there's a bit where dawn who is essentially the pam of the english version yeah if you're familiar she's like oh i'm going away with my fiancee who is the roy of that family i believe he's called lee um the the og roy the og roy um and

she's saying oh i'm going away to like florida for six months and tim who is essentially jim what would you call that is there a name for what you're doing like what what is that and she was like starting again and i fucking love it and as much as i'm not starting again in any capacity like this is very much a trip i am not starting again in any way but i love the thing of like it would be funny if you were i'm starting again don't tell you oh yeah i'm scrap everything i'm starting again like in this situation as well i've started again and this is my choice it's perfect but i think um i don't know i loved the thing of like is there a name for that like what would you call that and it's like yeah actually you know what there isn't really a name for what i'm doing like it's not the obvious thing to do

and i think i definitely had a lot of doubt of like of basically moving out of london was a decision that felt like completely right in every way but also not from what i envisioned myself to be doing for the next i i envisioned myself to stay in london for a while i love london um and i think it to take a step away was like it felt so right but also like okay that's a step away from your like imagined path so i had so much doubt and then seattle kind of came up as an option i was like i don't know anything about seattle i've never been here before um it's completely random but for some reason that feels like a really fun different interesting why the fuck not you're only yolo you only live once blah blah blah blah blah why the fuck not it's that entire kind of like repertoire of sephian wind quotes here yeah nobody's coming harry nobody's coming all of those things assume the worst

why the fuck not go to seattle for a month um and i definitely definitely had loads of should i should i not should i and moving out of london fucking hell that was huge yeah but i think i did just have to completely trust myself and just be like what feels right yeah for you personally as well because i think on a societal level there's obviously this kind of certain narrative that we're sold about what your life should look like or even like what a successful life looks like and anything that deviates from that like for example leaving the capital city of where you're from looks like oh my god everyone's gonna say i'm going backwards like oh i'm leaving the place that i'm going to so i'm going backwards but actually you're pushing yourself forward

through your life and actually hopefully we're all going forwards every day that passes no matter how you feel in the moment you're not going back should i tell you why you're moving forward too you're moving forward to your death to your death we all are day by day minute by minute you are moving forwards to your death to your death that's true that's fucking happening yeah you're not so wherever you move geographically yeah you're not moving backwards you're still moving forward to your death yeah you're not stopping time no i think the thing that holds people back so fucking much is that like it's a step backwards kind of thing i have seen people stay in situations that don't work

for them i.e relationships it can be actively living situations jobs everything yeah because they don't want to take a step backwards you are staying stuck in shit because of some weird fucking narrative that to be honest no one gives a shit about you no one is looking no one's questioning where it's like it looks like it's going backwards but it's actually not do you know what i mean like almost like an optical illusion of like if you're going up an escalator i know the thing you're going the other way it's kind of like yeah you might feel like that's a move backwards but you're actually progressing is what you need to progress so much and i also think what stops people making these

big decisions obviously goes without saying is capitalism who is turning up and knocking on people's doors and saying hey do you want to go on a big trip no no one it doesn't happen in life and i think it can it doesn't feel um like it's not the path that you're encouraged to do or whatever something that it's like it's not the narrative that you're sold because the narrative that we're sold is fucking shit and boring and it's like just do this go here get a job live your life like whatever and die basically like literally that is exactly what people told in a very specific way how to contribute to society and it's really rarely very self-fulfilling yeah and i think we're trained to follow basically kind of what we've said the whole time is we're so focused whenever it comes to making a decision we're so focused on what society thinks i.e

if i move am i going again am i going backwards am i doing something different in society we're so focused on what society thinks, i.e. if I move, am I going again? Am I going backwards? Am I doing something different in society? We're so focused on what people around us think. If I suggest pizza, if they don't want pizza, that's, oh my God, I'm going to create tension. They're going to think down on it. They don't like that.

I've upset people. We're constantly prioritising everyone else's feelings. Literally anyone we can get our hands on. Yeah, yeah yeah genuinely just take a second and think what do you want to do what feels right for you i do think you know deep down without letting the thoughts like run wild and be like but i couldn't possibly do that maybe i do need to do that yeah just i don't i don't think thoughts can be trusted because they come thick and fast and before you know it you're lost in the fucking maze of a million thoughts and opinions i do actually think like how how i work things out is just how do you

feel like if i would be like when i was making the decision to move up london i remember being like how would i feel if i said i have another year here how would i feel if i say you're going away how would i say you're moving out with no fucking like each one of these things how would you feel and it's like actually you don't really know how you feel you're just guessing but something tells you something and i think as well right definitely and when they don't if it's not immediately clear to you about like how do you feel with a lot of decisions thankfully in this life you sometimes have the luxury of being able to see how you feel like it's like okay don't renew your leave don't extend staying in london go and take six months a year elsewhere london's still

there you can come back yeah okay don't go to uni this year take some time explore your options go next year okay you want to drop out oh you don't want to do this job anymore okay you've seen this new company oh your friend works here and they've got an opening here yeah just see how you feel if you can carry like some lightness through life i feel like it makes the progress easier because you're not feeling like you're being weighed down and something that is just holding you back completely completely agree like i think that's what this idea of like death you're moving forward to your death it brings me that lightness like which sounds insane like or just sounds like like shut the fuck up but it actually brings me that lightness of like oh so if we're all gonna die then what the fuck are you doing

like what is this weird narrative like i'm an important person because i have this job i'm an important person because i live in this great house or i have this amazing boyfriend or whatever it is it's like no none of us are fucking important we're all gonna fucking die we all live on a tiny little rock what do you want to do what do you enjoy what do you like that's freedom to me that's everything i agree i agree but it's very hard i think to cultivate some level of freedom in life yeah but in the ways that you can kind of empower yourself i.e shutting up the overthinking yeah and seeing how giving yourself the space to see how you feel when you have the luxury to do so so don't be the person stopping you from doing that when there are

so many things in life that keep us trapped and tell us where to go and keep our bank balances small and stop us from giving us opportunities and all of these things don't add to the problem yeah you've got a huge barrier of money that is the huge the fucking capitalism is that runs through everything yeah you've got this huge limitation of what you can actually tangibly afford to do don't add in your own limitations of oh i'm not good enough i'm not cool enough oh i don't think i am too scared fuck that no you're already limited enough don't let bullshit limit you as well yeah so true i've got good that's perfect. Sophie's got to run.

Yeah, go on. Well, thank you so much. That was really nice. I promise we'll be back for more. Yeah, thanks, guys. It's been nice chatting. Well, we can do a nice long one next week. But in a weird headspace, I think.

But yeah, we'll be back thick and fast. But if you don't hear from us. We hadn't spoken in a while. Yeah, we hadn't spoken in a while. Not since I've been here, we hadn't spoken. So we needed to catch up this morning. We've obviously been texting every day. But like, we hadn't spoken in a while. Not since I've been here, we hadn't spoken. So we needed to catch up this morning. We've obviously been texting every day. Of course.

We hadn't spoken in depth. Of course. Properly. Yeah. But we'll see you soon. We'll see you soon. And if you don't hear from us, assume the worst.

It was bizarre. We'll see you next time.