Goes Without Saying - justice for That Girl?: goals, mindset glow-ups & healthy habits

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

new year, same chaotic sephy & wing <3join the conversation every monday.shop our merch: sephyandwing.co.ukcome and chat in our book club.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment. And not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Here's a show that we recommend. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Oh my god! We're back! Long time no speak! Happy Janmas!

Happy Janmas! Happy 2023mas! I can't wait! This feels crazy! Yeah, it feels like we haven't spoken in ages yeah it does actually feel like it has been quite a while yeah i guess that's kind of what happens if you talk every second of every day then don't do a podcast for a week we didn't really intend on doing that did we but then all of a sudden you know here we are yeah i don't really know what happened

were we ill yeah i think there were illnesses i think there were there was one time that i know we sat down to do it and we just ended up speaking for like three hours which is often what we do and then we do and then we record but i think after like the three four hour chat we were like should we save this for another day actually a bit tired now yeah i think it's been a bit of a stressful time actually yeah i think we didn't intend on doing podmas than a week off no it would have actually been great for us if we did one on straight on the first monday of january i almost think we thought perfect no one will even think that we took a week off no it's their scheduled break they won't even notice yeah they don't even know we just sneak back in the back door like we never left i did also we haven't spoken about this but there is i wouldn't call it

an episode but there is an audio file on my laptop of us singing the podmas song do you know what i had like a fearful flashback of that like i was driving yesterday and i thought what the fuck happened to that weird yeah i do still have it haven't uploaded it. I'm actually quite glad you didn't because when we recorded it I remember we had probably five minutes to record it. I was like I'm going for dinner in five minutes. Yeah you had to go get a bus. We can record this thing like now and we just quickly sang 12 Days of Christmas. Just quickly. And you're like that can go up on christmas day i was like cool cool bye bye christmas day came i didn't put it up then it was boxing day i still didn't put it up some really it just wasn't feeling right then it was your birthday i thought i can't put up on

a birthday that's fucking weird and then worst birthday present and then after those days had passed i was like god it's kind of weird to put it up now like i don't think it should ever go up personally because i actually thought, literally last night, I almost had like, almost like my nudes are on your laptop. A panic attack. Oh, God, that video of me singing 12 Days of Christmas on your laptop. The thing is, it is good. It is good.

And I do think there are maybe like four or five people out there in the world that would find it quite funny. That would enjoy it. Yeah. So I'd love to hear it back, because in my memory, I mean, we're singing a song over FaceTimeetime it's completely out of sync in my memory i also put like a huge reverb over it so it's very kind of orchestral like church it sounds like we're booming through an organ it's funny maybe let's just put it in here and here's the song yeah do you want to hear that now here we go here's the song enjoy it right and that was 12 days of christmas by sephie and wing it's funny if i don't put it in as well works either way okay

should we get straight in then to the episode i guess that's probably what the people really want yeah they didn't want an orchestral version of with all these titles also i remember we were really laughing at the whatever's gonna be number five and it was like oh god okay should we just go should we get in yeah yeah i think the crux of this episode is how do you oh god she's laughing just like pass out i think oh yeah we should probably say that you're quite ill and dizzy but apart from that i'm fine um i'm just a bit of a dizzy spell but it's fine no big deal so weird yeah it's really weird it's like unpleasant but it's fine yeah um yeah i think the crux of this episode is how do we set things like new new year's resolutions and just ways that we you know things we want to do for ourselves ways that we want to be you know working on ourselves without making ourselves feel like shit in the process yeah

yeah your new year's resolutions this year do you have any is that something you're into oh boy i've got strict ones i think i've got five um perfect do we get to hear them oh sorry a text from jakey jakey gyllenhaal is that staying in um yeah yeah um that's as i was looking for my um new year's resolutions my news resolutions and my headphones have fallen out in all the commotion in all the commotion so yeah i have strict resolutions this year or not even strict but like i i don't really know why i think i'm in a phase at the moment where i'm not surrounded by my friends i'm at my family home i'm kind of gearing up to my year i have kind of like quite a quiet week or so a few weeks like in the period from christmas well from new year really i was away until new year and i have like two weeks now at my family home where i'm not like

super busy and i was like right okay i'm gonna really take the time to like set my um intentions for the year if i've got this bit of time which is like very peaceful why would you not why would i not really like go in on like how do i want to improve all of this stuff took myself to a coffee shop which is the only one in my town which is also called costa coffee not as glam as you may think um and i like took my journal there which is also that's quite a weird thing to do in my town is i could have bumped into a lot of people like yeah it's kind of like what's she up to who'd she think she is writing things down as if that's not the done thing yeah i think i've almost carried through a lot of like london behaviors into my quite small town and i look like a wanker sort of reading in costa how do you yeah that's so

weird yeah it's properly no it's really weird yeah my friend i said i took harry potter though and was really my friend was like you cannot do that also i did a really embarrassing thing i i didn't want to pay for food in costa so i bought a greg's from next door vegan sausage roll nice you snuck it in because i wanted the coffee from costa which is still bad and she was like that's what we used to do in like year nine you can't still be doing that it's really embarrassing i think if anything it's like yeah you're still doing it but now it's just shameless like whatever no there's a lot of shame it's very shameful guilt and shame but i went to costa in my town um and i wrote out all my news like journal journal for ages and i ended with these resolutions and i'm just like they're just exactly what i want my year to be did you just

perfect no like what was the journey that you took from starting like sitting down thinking about okay maybe i'm gonna take some time to think about new year's resolutions to actually having them down on the page wow like was it did they come to you very naturally or yeah like what was that like well i thought i do also a vision board like every kind of i do a spring summer and an autumn winter okay everything i do like a pinterest secret like board yeah and i think that i started off on there and i was like no this feels like kind of what i want my year to look like and then i was like right now what do i want it to feel like and then i went to my journal writing all this shit down and i think i was just going through

like the mess of my life and just being like this area is not good this area needs work this is great i want more of this or like what do I want it to look like and then by the end I think I quite organically found like some things I was like I would love to do that this year yeah and I wrote like one that was just like fun things I would love to do this year always top of the list ice skate roller skate things like this but these are ones that are like big things that I want my year to almost like the pillars of the year yeah like what i want it to be centered around take it and it goes a little something like this

yeah in the song again i'm thinking should we put the song in at the end do you think yeah yeah it might turn people away i think it's a huge chunk of shit to get through right at the beginning go on take us away take us away they're not they're not groundbreaking anyone oh they'll break my ground they might shift as you do every day oh god what is that saying just my first one they're so simple first one is just i want to go to new places and meet new people perfect would love to do that i want to do yoga this is the second one i want to eat the second one do yoga and i want to eat new foods that's fun quite a fun one yeah i feel like you're fun and that kind of goes in terms of my

breaking my veganism living without restriction vibe i just want to eat new things sounds good to me the same food for 10 years sounds good to me this is my big one that kind of surprised me i want to be softer with myself and others that's nice well how did that come about i just when i was writing away i was just like i actually am costa it's funny that you're sat in costa and it's like what's she writing probably something really wanky and they zoom in and it's be softer with myself and others it's like yeah it couldn't be well eat new foods i think they're good i just think i'm such i can be really hard with myself and i can be really hard with other people but like i think i can have

quite like just fucking snap out of it brutality i'm definitely a brutalist yeah you are you are brutalist read lots classic and then my last one wear whatever i want and recover a bit from body dysmorphia gorgeous i mean that sounds fun that's my year we're in for a great year i really was there anything that you didn't want to put on the list didn't want to put on the list what do you mean like was there anything that you were like oh i'm kind of tempted to write this as a resolution but it's not healthy for me because i think sometimes the instinct is to be like these are the things i want to change about myself and this is how i'm going to do it and it becomes almost quite destructive yeah i mean i'm i'm endlessly endlessly endlessly

resisting the urge to put lose weight lose weight eat healthy go to the gym like that's the endless battle of my life um yeah in not being like oh your life will obviously just improve so much if you just eat healthy and all this stuff oh yeah no that's not true yeah yeah so i think that's an endless um like every single year i've almost had to well fight every single year until a few years ago i was putting lose weight um as number one the only thing you have to do this year is be thin and over the last few years it's like actually maybe that isn't the thing it's not a it's not a thing that's gonna fucking help you but what progress that now it's the year of fun it's a year of celebration this my new thing it's a year of celebration fun and softness

oh that's nice yeah celebration fun and softness love it just like you're just flowing softly through the celebrations and fun iconic oh i'm excited what are your resolutions do you have any um i do have some but i don't have them to hand like you that was very prepared of you but actually i did an interesting thing where i kind of broke down my resolutions into things that i want to carry throughout the year things that i want to check in with myself maybe like every month and then things that i want to do weekly and daily this is super prepared well i'm not reading them out to you because i don't i can't i'm not getting up sorry but any any off the top of your head off the top of my head there were daily things like every single day this is so boring but every single

day i need to fully do my skincare and brush my teeth um functioning quick word no but really and not even i'm not daily i'm gonna shower because i don't shower oh that is too much to ask it's ridiculous although i'm actually a bit weird i'll shower like four times i'm like no me too i will shower like multiple times a day and then not for three days and then not for two weeks no i'm joking i'm joking but like if i can't shower one day for example that would be the destructive thing of being like right i trust you to make the effort to like do your skincare properly every day but if i write shower every day and then one day you don't want to have a shower god so what is your skincare bringing you like because i almost hear when i hear do your

skincare every day from my fucked mind yeah that's something that could never be a resolution for me because it's something about my appearance and it's like that's something that is about an external thing right what's that bringing for me it's actually um not about my appearance at all it's about my tendency to self-neglect fascinating and i yeah i have this tendency to be in a bad headspace and just let go of all the things that i need to do to take care of myself like won't eat properly won't live properly do you know i mean won't go out won't talk to people won't do anything won't fucking wash my hair blah blah blah and so doing my skincare making sure that i'm not getting into bed and being like i've got my makeup on from today and now i'm not taking it off yeah

hate that and it's like okay if i'm gonna do something small for myself it's take the time to wash my face love using a cleansing balm it's like a personality trait i've used one of these cleansing balms which one have you used which did you like i'm um no i didn't like it at all but i'm i'm just not really i don't really know about this skincare stuff that people suddenly this is i think what confuses me skincare oh it's just taking your makeup off yeah okay i do that yeah yeah like exactly skin skincare almost makes me think like of like serums and like aging and right yeah well i still use like skincare products but it doesn't it doesn't to me it feels like it feels like having a shower washing my hair it feels like making

myself a cup of tea and drinking it rather than just laying in bed thinking oh i hate myself i can't even be bothered to get up and make tea do you know i mean like i have these yeah really destructive frustrating tendencies when i'm feeling bad to just not be able to treat myself how i want to treat myself and just get through life normally yeah like what i think would be nice and normal for me um and skincare is a really i'm sure it goes without saying for a lot of people but to me it doesn't like things like skincare washing my um hair washing my face like those are things that i will let go of so quickly when i'm feeling shit definitely so i feel like i feel like it's probably every day it'd be nice yeah and because it's almost quite an indulgent thing because i'm assuming it's an enjoyable skincare it's like it's quite like it's an expensive thing

yeah it's not i doubt you're using fucking clean and clear fucking little wipe across the face things that i use you'll be using your lovely elizabeth harden beautiful scented things so it will be like the absolute opposite of neglecting yourself yeah it's been my iron worth fucking however much money fucking face yeah yeah exactly hell yeah yeah 100 100 which is a nice thing to do daily um what else oh i also have i feel like these highlight how fucked i am it's like the things that i'm using almost to challenge myself i'm sure to a lot of people quite basic things well then my next one every single day i have to have a conversation with someone you do have a conversation with me every day sometimes i don't but that but rarely really

very rarely we'll check in every day yeah I need to check in with someone every day. I need to chat with you. Like, I'm in voice note with my friend basically every day these days. I need to be, like, my boyfriend doesn't really count because we're living in the same space. I'm sure I will have a conversation with him at some point. A conversation with a friend every day. Yeah, I need to have a conversation with family even. Like, I need to ring my nan.

I need to ring my dad. Like, I need to have real conversations with real life human beings. you know what i think that is for five minutes just pulls me out of something else i've been thinking a lot about is i'm very um i'm very i live very internally like my day my life very much is like oh did you have a nice day it's like yeah i felt good today rather than i think for some people or what might be a goal for me at some point is oh did you have a nice day yeah I did this this and this maybe a healthy balance between the two is important but I think for me right now everything is very much ruled by my internal emotions rather than what's externally going on in my life that's really interesting so like I live in my head I live in the internal yeah rather than being

in this physical world with you does that make sense but i think you really kind of hit it hit the crux of when you're like i think a mix of both yeah because i have the awareness of your internal i think i move between both but like i think i'm more on the thing of like external external external just in the way that like when I'm living really socially and going out a lot and all of these things almost you can be how was your day yeah I did this this and this and this yeah I lose touch very don't have a fucking clue yeah I haven't got a fucking clue how I felt I think I swing from the extremes yeah so much um so I think having a conversation with someone is a really good way to get out of your head and into like oh I'm a real life human being and it

and it also sometimes it's so weird I completely agree with the thing of if you talk to someone every day sometimes I'll be in such a fucking bad mood and then someone will just be like hey on the street and you'll be like oh hi hello yeah and then it's like oh I actually feel okay now yeah it's true it sometimes it is that simple just talk to Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy it's's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this?

I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Someone? Yeah yeah another one i'm actually like a toddler i need to go outside of the front door every single day i actually haven't i've already failed but i need to leave the front door every single day even if it's just for 30 seconds to stand on the doorstep i think that's hard in winter so you're doing well well i've already gone out i think a couple days but whatever but like it's hard in winter like before you know it's 4 p.m you've missed

the light i'm not going out in the dark well i'm gonna risk my life no fucking way for my dog a day ends at half three in january definitely so i think you're doing well when so those are a few i feel like i'm on a day-to-day basis things that it's like i want to um kind of run a marathon every day like no i'm going very basic for things that i want to do day to day i'm sure a lot of people do these things without even thinking about it but for me it's like i want to really make an effort write it down yeah i want to make sure and also celebrate when you do do them rather than it's just like, oh yeah, brush my teeth today.

It's nothing. It's like, no, that was my fucking resolution. Oh no, it's everything. Yeah. It's everything. What are your weekly then? Now these are... Just off the top of your head.

Yeah, they're not quite on the top of my head, unfortunately. It's only been a week and I've already lost track. Let me think. Well, actually, I have a few things in my head of like you know with the podcast and stuff like i want to obviously commit to whatever schedule we're saying for example weekly podcast every week it's like things like that i want to feel like i'm working towards something bit by bit every single week like i've contributed something that means something to me

and actually i think a big part of this conversation is almost something I've been thinking about a little bit is the kind of that girl element of it remember that whole conversation I know everyone's still talking about it I actually watched a video on it one of our oh my god one of our amazing listeners she is an amazing vlogger her name is Gigi and I was watching her vlog on that girl god and she actually is the most stunning person i've ever seen in my whole life no like disney princess you know what i've been doing i have some friends with curly hair and they have like mid-length curly hair and i've been like i've been this has been going on for about a few months like i've been showing this girl's photos i've been like you have to get you have to cut your hair like gg it is divine it's so stunning she's got short curly

hair oh my god well you've been doing the curls um yeah i've i'm trying to this part of my whole yeah should we discuss well it's been a whole thing i think right basically sorry let me just summarize my thing about that girl is that i think maybe we should think about that girl with a bit of softness in your resolution with a bit of kindness and just be like look she looks like she might be potentially quite miserable but also there might be a few lessons that i can take from her so i'm going to take it with a pinch of salt and kind of use it to fuel the idea of like just that whole notion of romanticize your life like that girl like you're thriving like set your goals like mindset reset routine like that whole kind of

wellness narrative yeah drink the matcha that That whole thing. Like read, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of these things. I think if we can adopt like some lightness towards it and the softness that's part of your resolution, I think it goes without saying it can be really, really helpful for people. Anyway, you've been having your hair a bit wavy these days, which makes me feel like I'm in a parallel universe.

How important does that sound? No, oh my God. No no i've never seen you with this hair no so basically basically a huge thing i actually learned about body dysmorphia is that it's really common to like be obsessed with having straight hair and like straightening your hair because it makes you feel kind of smaller it's like this idea of having like your hair flat to your head it's like a smallness it's a smallness and there's people always dm me actually on sephian wing and all my personal being like what do i do i think i have body dysmorphia what do i do all of this stuff i would just say i don't have no fucking clue what you should do because i don't fucking know

you should go to therapy that's all i know but there's a documentary that one of my therapists a while ago told me to watch it's on bbc iplayer it's called ugly me it's a triggering fucking documentary but i saw the girl in the documentary and she is sitting in front of the fucking mirror straightening and straightening and straightening her hair she's freaking out it's not sitting right she thinks it's flicking in all these directions and i'm not joking you've lived with me before is that not me in every fucking way yeah just sitting there in front of the mirror straightening it's like a meme the straightening of sephie's hair yeah they got me straighteners like yeah a couple of my friends got me some straighteners which i still

use every day because it's like right you need some good straighteners if you're gonna straighten your hair every day and i sorry just just feeding the body this morning well we didn't know it was an issue then we didn't know that was we did know it was an issue but it's like look regardless she's gonna be she needs straighteners so she does she big time does you're the only person like not the only person you're the most you're the person i know the most who's obsessed with straightening their hair and you didn't own straighteners at the time you were just no i did i had no i did have straighteners i had 11 pound straighteners from boots and you guys got me very kindly ghd's which i've wanted my whole life very nice of you because my cousin had some and i thought fucking hell yeah they're the coolest

things um but i part of my challenging in terms of like is that part of your style or is that just one of your quote-unquote safety behaviors I think I'm figuring out that it is um because if it's not perfectly straight I won't leave the house and I'll burst into tears um and I'm terrified of rain for that reason but my hair naturally is not straight so I've been trying to like kind of work with that and then kind of curl it a little bit and like kind of wave it up and shit because it feels like it's a bigger thing and it makes it doesn't hide my imagined kind of fatness of my body it makes me kind of you're not you're not being small with that like it's a bigger thing so it's definitely been a bit scary but actually i've been really enjoying having kind of a bit

like not completely straight hair well we were saying the other day it matches your personality you're not a pin straight kind of gal i'm a kooky crazy kind of gal yeah yeah you are but it doesn't suit me and actually or like well i mean it does suit you visually like it's obviously stunning but like as in the personality it's not it doesn't feel like it oh my god perfect alignment you would have pin straight hair like no that's not how it feels i'm a messy kind of person like in loads of ways or just like um the chaos of life yeah it's the chaos look i'm from my bohemian roots what am i doing with this yeah yeah yeah but yeah that's just another thing that like in terms of my number five um resolution i think it was of just like wear whatever you want i'm recover from body dysmorphia the larger yeah no big time somehow i need to find some kind of route towards that um but i do think not all of these rules i have of the way i have to look and if i don't then i'm distraught and i

mean truly distraught like the last few weeks have been really bad um all of these things i think of like contributing towards like building an idea of myself that isn't centered around like being thin and all of the stuff and the curly hair like the wavy fucking hair also going blonde was fucking huge and cutting it short yeah yeah um but that's been another like break from the rules which has been good yeah and i'm enjoying it i think it looks good it looks so good i'm enjoying it for sure i think it's like different it's baby spice i said the other day yeah you did say but you are baby spice i've actually always seen myself as more of a posh i mean you are

well it's complex you are posh but you're not posh does that make sense no no no you are i'm always the sleek bob yeah but not even in hair so i mean persona so you're actually you're a bit more you're a bit more scary sporty i think than you are posh you're not moody boboody do you know what i mean you're not misery guts no god i hope not but that's the posh vibe yeah so true i don't know why i think just she had brown hair so i was always like yeah i'm her yeah yeah well i think it's just what do you think your year is gonna visually kind of look like i think this is kind of my what i'm on about with the pinterest vibes of like i'm looking at my some things i want to go to paris i'm putting putting a picture of Paris on all of this shit so what do you think your year is gonna

look is it gonna look cozy is it gonna look out and about is it gonna look social is it gonna look kind of that girl yogaring like what's the vibe I'm my instinct says it's not gonna look very that girl yogaring for some reason however I feel like i've broken record at this point because every episode i'm like i like myself now i like myself now i really like myself but i think this year is gonna look like me yeah and actually i started new therapy the other day first week of jam and when you were saying about body dysmorphia it reminded me because i went through you know when they do the whole this is very nhs they do the whole like every assessment under the sun it's like let me rank you like what percent of fucked are you it's really weird that ranking thing isn't it yeah well they have to put you so much like god so this is very severe i'm like it's like um this

will be severely impacting your life i'm like yeah that's why i'm here yeah that's why i'm here and also but how good am i like yes it's it's actually um it's not a case of oh i just need to fucking fix it and get over and stop being so silly because everyone else getting on with it why can't i get on with it it's actually like whoa look how much we get done when we're dealing with severe symptoms like okay that's amazing do you know what i mean it's like yeah you're dealing with something that's very severe and here you are here fucking dyeing your hair blonde and fucking waving it up jesus christ it's actually it becomes really insanely impressive and i think i'm actually quite impressed by myself these days because i'm like you should be no and i think we should be i think we all

should be because it's like you're dealing with something that isn't fucking easy you're fucking thriving if you're if you're brushing your teeth and doing your skincare you're doing more than waiting most days if i'm honest i mean that sounds good i would say brush your teeth come on guys no you have to brush your teeth it's bad for your health but also it's hard yeah the world is crazy out here i think it's a judgment-free zone like I really think the the neglect aspect of when you feel shit sorry if you can hear my hot water bottle rumbling away um it just comes so easy because I think you just are telling yourself that you don't give a shit about yourself I find that really interesting I think I'd never really thought of that because my style of feeling

shit it's almost way more like well we're just gonna work our way out of it then kind of yeah you might brush your teeth until they bleed kind of thing yeah you're gonna go in in in in on everything i'd never really thought about um they're like not doing it giving up yeah that's really interesting because like of course like yeah you lose your whole life like you don't talk to you lose your friends you lose your job potentially you lose everything your health literally everything yeah so it's like you've kind of passively committed suicide and you're still breathing but like you have no quality of life yeah i'm saying this fucking hell

I don't know why but do you know what it's fucking real though like yeah it is the amount of like also who was it can I just quickly say

I'm in a weird headspace so I'm very dizzy I don't know what this dizzyness is but I'm very dizzy we're on the merry-go-round of life I'm not on top form

but when am I ever on top form these days no I think I think you are on top form as well like I know you're visually like you're closing your eyes right now but also I'm visually rolling my eyes into next from what you're

saying it's stunning okay thanks okay oh go on can i ask you a question just around i need to listen to that song so that i know what you're saying yeah you do i remember um um right yeah can i ask you a question yeah sure when it comes to like your goals that are important to you do you is your relationship to that something that you think is more helpful to you when it's public or when it's more personal and private oh private 100 okay so for example that girl and things like that is very, very public. And there's an element of that that obviously becomes quite sour and bitter and makes everyone feel shit. There's some comparison in there. There's performance, all of those things. There's also, though, an element of, for example, like what you just shared, your resolutions.

And we've just been having a conversation about like the things that we want to do and blah, blah, blah. There's an element of accountability. There's an element of like inspiration like camaraderie support there is also like how do we toe the line because i feel i definitely feel like the instinct for us is to reject um almost like showing it off because it's like no it's personal to me and it's important and it's very kind of pure and sacred and i don't want that to become like a social media thing yeah exactly so maybe you could talk to us i think while i just curl up and yes also i've got a silk pillow now and it's changed my life just looking at your pillow oh my god my sister got it for me bloody hell my hair's no longer kind of breaking off at

the end that's a good present i think there's a distinction between goals for example my reading goal for the year for last year was 20 books and i didn't hit it i had read 17 which however you read 17 and the year before you read how many i read like two so two or three is that not no no i know i know you agree but i'm just taking a second to get a round of applause from the audience thanks so much i'll give one right to myself yeah yeah um no there's no there's no disappointment or anything there i'm actually really happy with that but like my goal for myself was 20 got 20 books and this was 25 books that's one that's like that's quite a fun essentially meaningless but like an aspirational thing for me to read 25 books in a year all of this stuff i think that's one that's like yeah i can share that around that's like come on guys i'm on number nine like that's a fun thing and boy oh boy do i talk about it all the time but let me have a look at

what mine were again i've completely forgotten but things like doing yoga and eat new foods it's like what no one sees me do yoga no one knows whether i do yoga all these things i'm not there going oh i've got to do yoga every day. Guys, I've done, I'm on number four of my, my five of a week yoga things like that. Eat new foods is one I really want to share with other people in terms of like. I want you to share that with me. I messaged you actually when I was like, I want to eat cake with you. I can't wait.

I want to eat something like that's one that I think. I want us to be Henry VIII. I want a banquet. Oh, my God. Like, there's just so much I've never tried. And there's so many things I truly believe I never will try. Like, I never have any desire to eat beef or pork or, to be honest, any meat products. But I wouldn't mind eating a fucking egg.

Like, I would be really, really intrigued to know what that tastes like. I would intrigued to have that i had some in the most in the most ethical way i could find i would love to do that snooze i'm joking snooze honestly snooze i'm joking i'm joking but yeah i think there's yeah there's a few things that i would want to share but then it's like recover from body dysmorphia what how the fuck do you fucking like that's not even shareable i don't even know where the fuck i am with that at the moment but i think that's a long process i think it's a long process and i also think maybe i'm speaking out of turn here but okay i mean it is our podcast after all i'll bail the highway as they say exactly um i when i was having my therapy the other day and we went through the all those assessments

that are so severe oh my god the numbers of my mind they're adding up honestly quick boy do they add up when maths comes in handy it's like god 10 plus 10 plus 8 plus i can't keep track of i can't keep track of the number they're too high um but we went through everything and i've said before like a big part of how my bad brain vibes comes out is through neglect, as I've said in this episode. And also in a real kind of controlling body image, body dysmorphia way. And for me personally, every single shit thing that I have mentally 100% just stems back purely from the idea that I'm a piece of shit and that i'm not good enough and i reject that as an idea which then makes all of the symptoms much easier to deal with because i can see that they are symptoms and it's impossible to do that when you're in it

because you're going through something that is convincing you that you're not going through a symptom of a mental illness you're going through a symptom of convincing you that you're not going through a symptom of a mental illness. You're going through a symptom of being a piece of shit. Like, of course you feel fucking ugly because you are ugly. You know, like those sorts of things. Yeah. And I actually think why I keep saying I like myself now is because it's been a huge revelation. And it's really set me apart from who I am and me and myself and who I know wing to be.

from who I am and me and myself and who I know wing to be and all of the other shit that I deal with and my behaviors and my thoughts and all of those things I feel separate from that shit so that it doesn't feel like me that's so interesting yeah well that's that's the whole thing isn't that is the whole thing but I think the shit from the truth it just all i could have a million and one symptoms and boy do i but they all come back to for some reason i've got it into my head that i'm not good enough and i actually don't think that's true at all i am i'm amazing as i've said in every episode recently can't shut up about it it's 100 but it's true it's like why have we managed to convince ourselves really really like scarily deeply kind of more than anything our like hardest scariest beliefs is that we aren't good enough what is that it's absolutely horrifying this is one of the things that i'm trying to work on in the in the whole body thing when you first

start the therapy of body dysmorphia that they do this fucking thing it's like it's i think they call it the vicious flower which is a fucking mental thing but it's like all your core beliefs about yourself in the middle this was your nhs yeah this is nhs but also it's in every fucking book that i've ever read about body dysmorphia vicious flower all the things that you believe in the middle so like mine are horrible i'm fat i'm disgusting i'm an embarrassment all of this fucking shit then these big petals of the flower it's like it loops back in so it's like one of so it would be um attempts to correct is one of them and that's like straining your hair like wearing these things blah blah blah then another one would be like mirror checking

blah blah blah all of these would be like mirror checking blah blah like all of these fucking huge things that feed in and what you were saying about like believe like those middle bits essentially like believing you're a piece of shit i can intellectually be like i'm not an embarrassment of course like i can completely intellectually do it but my problem is the symptoms of like yeah but then all of this stuff the mirror checking just checking myself in the mirror every fucking 10 seconds that's the bit that i am working on stopping it's like i can't even touch the middle stuff without essentially stopping striking my hair every day like stopping looking in the mirror all of this they obviously then come from the stem of the they do it like

that's why it's like a petal because it like comes out exactly yeah but it's like but it's impossible just so hard to break those things and that's but that's all it is it's like it's all coming from this root issue of for some reason this belief that we think we're not good enough and it's created it's turned us into things that we don't you end up doing fucking weird things straight in your head exactly what chill out exactly you're actually making it look worse i mean it looks iconic but it's no it looks good yeah it's it's so weird but it's like i do i do really really think in life the biggest like thing you can do for yourself is like i don't know spend a couple minutes a day being

like i'm gonna try and like myself just for like 60 seconds yeah and build it up to like 90 seconds two minutes and how would you go about doing that i would even fucking turn the music off turn it cut the cameras i would be like right time at 6 p.m let's go shut the door do you know i mean throw away the key and i would concentrate on being like i like myself i like myself try and come up with reasons i like my fucking nail beds if you can't come up with any reasons then just be like i like myself i like myself because i do think sometimes it is the reasons are really good yeah i think those sometimes they're so far away aren't they they are but that's why i need to work backwards almost i often do five things i'm grateful for in my life and then i then when i'm feeling a bit better i'll

do five things i like about myself yeah internally five things i like about myself externally it's a lot of things it's hard and they are fucking vague they're so niche yeah it's always like i think my elbows aren't that bad yeah it's like jesus it's pathetic what are we like i know but that but when you finish it how much better do you feel i think even if you don't feel better after that fucking 60s or however that five minutes of taking the time to do that if you've't feel better after that fucking 60s or however long that five minutes of taking the time to do that if you've dedicated that time every single day that goes somewhere it's almost like if you dedicate that time for example if you're someone who doesn't ever brush their teeth you dedicate two minutes well four minutes every day to brushing your teeth let's

say four minutes well I mean two two minutes oh double you're double yeah I'm just seeing quick maths yeah roughly for example. I was like, how long are you fucking supposed to brush your teeth? If you're someone who never brushes your teeth, and then all of a sudden you dedicate four minutes every single day to brushing your teeth for 30 days, in 30 days' time, you might feel different. You probably will feel different.

And your teeth probably will even look different. So maybe it's as simple as you spend 60 seconds on the first day. If you spend 60 seconds every single first day if you spend 60 seconds every single day for 30 days one might argue there's a change yeah after 30 days you might feel better you might be a different person there's some kind of number okay i know the number there's some kind of math see today aren't we yeah i know it's just one number so i think we can handle it but some scientists somewhere said that it takes 21 days to break a habit or form a new habit to form a new habit yeah so i did a thing once and i've got it all in my notes i remember i was like i'm gonna say three things i'm grateful for write them down

in my notes for 21 days i'm now on day like 407 i write the day like every day yeah um and i miss weeks and weeks so this is like been going for like three years yeah um bit of maths i don't know that adds up um if you were to write three things every day over two weeks for x amount of days and you bought four apples how many days did you do how long would it take on the train to middlesbrough if you were getting on a train from dover all the way to manchester it's like uh going at 75 miles per hour but john was getting on a train from birmingham yeah hell and i and i did feel a notable improvement in just like the the ease at which things would come to me of like oh i like my fucking duvet i'm fucking grateful yeah my duvet's fucking clean and i remember when you got that new duvet actually do you what have you got no i remember when you got that new

duvet oh boy i love the one with the little pom-poms on it the pom-pom duvet yeah i don't have that one at the moment did you steal that can i say that no i didn't steal that maybe i did i don't think i stole it it's hard to keep track I'm only saying that because I had a dream last night that I stole, I stole something, I actually stole, can I say? I had a dream last night

that I stole this mesh jumpsuit. It was a black mesh jumpsuit, almost like underwear, but you would wear it out and it had like a black panel over the boobs and maybe over your vulva, I may say i

mean it's sounding absolutely divine well i saw someone was talking someone walked past me i was in the shop and someone walked past me and i had this jumpsuit and it was amazing in a dream in the dream yeah it's not real yeah don't you can't come for me guys it's not real yeah but and i went and i found this jumpsuit and i just thought yeah fuck it and i tried it on and i walked out in it which is quite absurd it's, is she wearing anything? That sort of thing. But it affected me so much that I woke up this morning and I googled black mesh jumpsuit. I mean, it sounds great.

Yeah, do you get the vision? I can see it so well. Yeah. I think it sounds great. Sometimes you'd have to wear it for sex or nothing else. But you could wear it to kind of um some kind of party but i'm almost saying if you were like underneath it so yeah okay i'm almost thinking like big black furry coat over the top a knee-high boot if we were ever the kind of crazy people that go to like

sex parties which i assure you the perfect i'd be terrified i've got just the thing it would be dreamy yeah although i have some friends that go to them not easy i've met some people and i have spoken to them about the things they wear to these things and god i'm gobsmacked that's the thing is it wouldn't be practical but it doesn't look good i think that's the whole point but yeah well it's just that you could be an observer you'd have to be because like well you're getting out of a jumpsuit it's the perfect outfit for an observer at a sex party yeah perfect fucking perfect capsule wardrobe right is this over it feels over a long time to me yeah i'm long gone okay we get to say our amazing catchphrase again before we do one last thing resolution for goes without saying

this year do you have one same as always fun celebrations and softness okay perfect do you yeah mine would be i want us to enjoy it and i also want it to make people feel good the end same well well well if you don't hear from us assume the worst the best oh no jokes congratulations on you and me. How to get the best year of your life. This is where it gets wicked. The latest competition. The latest government and productivity. Bodies, restriction and veganism. Growing up in new chapters. Self-love and self-loathing.

Green, green, green. The first of season. Privilege and influencer culture. Breakouts and rejection healing mothers and daughters and outgrowing your own life congratulations on the podmas

congratulations on the podmas fucking hell on the 12th day of podmas oh my god should we record the song now should we just do it in one take okay i can't see you okay i think i need to look into your eyes when we do this. Hang on. So what's this one called? This is called Congratulations on the Podmas. So congratulations on the Podmas. And it's the song. How to have the best year of your life.

Jealousy, obsession and competition. Okay, we're doing that. Okay, ready? So we start on the 12th. No, on the first day of Podmas, everyone go to me and it's outgrowing your old life. On the second day.

You want us to go through the whole no no no yeah you're right so how do we do that i'll be absolutely bored out of their fucking minds how do we do that let's just start on the 12th let's just go the whole way down okay perfect right ready so it's gonna be quite funny whatever's five what is five yeah what is five green reclaiming the best of season I actually that's the funniest one to be number five

you have to leave all this in by the way this is hysterical oh my god it's hilarious okay right ready three two

one wait ma ma we got this I'm laughing too much to do it okay

oh I'm there wait no no okay let's be fucking serious it's all right sorry sorry sorry right ready no no i'm happy to miss my bus for this no i'm not okay okay on the 12th day of christmas sorry sorry sorry three two one go on the 12th day this is ridiculous is this like degrading yourself to the next level

I think it's iconic ready three two one go on the 12th day of Podmas how did you live the best year of your life wait what is that not what it is yeah what's this one called the first one on the that's the first day of podmas oh shit we're

starting from the 12th day of podmas so then what then we start from this one we have to work backwards okay because the first day of podmas was outgrowingmas was... Outgrowing your old life. Outgrowing your old life. Okay, ready? So what's this episode called? Powered up the best year. Oh, no. No, no, no. This is congratulations on you.

Congratulations on you, yeah. On the 12th day of... All right, hang on, hang on. Ready, ready? Three, two, one, go. Go. On the 12th day all right hang on ready three two one go go oh my god this is like the bad like school play like the nativity gone wrong looking into your eyes i can't look at you ready right we've got this we've got this

i love doing things with you same Same. I love having fun. It's underrated. So true. Right, ready? Okay. Three. Okay, sorry. Three, two, one.

Go. Go. On the twelfth day of Pondmas, Sephian Wynne gave to me Congratulations on me. On the eleth day of the best year of your life wait doesn't it go like this is this not the wrong tune no it's wrong because we're just doing the same tune over and over again how to live the best year of your life jealousy obsession and competition the lazy girl myth and productivity bodies restriction and veganism right okay right on the 12th day

of pod mercephalian wing to me congratulations on you you and me and me how to live the best years of your life jealousy, obsession and competition the lazy government and productivity police restrictionism growing up in new chapter anxiety self love and self loathing

grief and reclaiming the festive season privilege and influence culture break comes with rejection healing mothers and daughters and a growing your own life grief

fucking hell I think that's the most mortifying thing we've ever done I'm actually crying. That was fun. Should we do it again just to see if we can go through it quick? Ready? Okay. One, two, three, go.

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