Goes Without Saying - late night overthinking: u up?

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

overthinking about overthinking about overthinking? we're back and we're here to drag you. in this episode of Goes Without Saying, join us (sephy & wing) as we explore why society is obsessed with overanalysing. are we all self-obsessed? is fomo the ultimate killer of happiness? is it possible to overcome our tendencies to overthink everything? we're leaving late night overthinking in 2019 and questioning: how productive are our thoughts? speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's has a new breakfast deal. Mix and match two items of your choice for only $4. Breakfast wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra. Hey guys, we're back.

Back and better than ever. After popular demand. Welcome to the first official season of the higher princess podcast exactly the pilot season a roaring success it's long gone so we're so excited to be coming back and we're coming back with a strong topic oh i love this so much i love this i'm glad to be back in a room with you oh i i love it i can't wait to hear what you've got to say me neither we're back we can't wait to hear what you've got to say. Me neither, we're back. You can't wait to hear what you've got to say. No I can't, I can't wait to say it. I can't wait to hear what you've got to say.

Oh I'm so excited. Same. So today, I mean as if you didn't read it already, we're going to be talking about overthinking. Uh-huh and how we're overthinking, are overthinking, are overthinking, are overthinking, are overthinking. It's just an endless spiral endless spiral chances are if you're listening to this podcast you've overthought yeah at some point i also always speak to people about many things and i feel like many people who will not be named who will not be named but honestly this is so many people yeah all identify as an overthinker so many people have gone oh i'm just such an overthinker like that's their only personality trait it's not i'm an overthinker it's like yeah we all are it's like it's not an identity to kind of what it means to be between the ages of like 10 to 35 in 2020 literally it's like everyone thinks and if you're saying you overthink you're calling yourself smart you think more than the average do you how many thoughts an hour on average, let's crack into it then.

We're currently dancing along to our intro music. I love our intro music. If you guys thought we'd change it for the first official season. You were so wrong. I feel like you're not going to know. You know the Michael Jackson meme of, I love this song. I don't get it. No, it's really good.

If you know memes like Erin, something like Michael Jackson saying, I love the song. He goes, I love this song, and't get it it's really good if you can know memes like erin something about micro jackson i love the song he goes i love this song and his arm is up anyway i love this i wish i got it also are you guys loving the new look the new podcast i hope you're loving the new look we're loving the new look if you're not yeah i feel like you see us now yeah it's not just a red little scene i feel seen i feel heard i feel like i feel identified with yeah it's scary that's us yeah it's us in in um yeah and in in a lovely nice sky we're soaring we're soaring flying there isn't a star in heaven that we can't reach okay can i ask you a question yeah what do you overthink about most oh my god oh you thought this was a podcast it's a therapy session actually yeah i'm charging you

by the hour i feel like i overthink about my outfit like as soon as i've made a decision i'm like fuck bad decision looks kind of it's almost in hindsight I overthink about things I've said things I could do how I could have been better in that specific situation I always say that if I am picking out a specific moment or a phrase that I'm overthinking if it's like a general vibe of something you're not really maybe overthinking it if it's a specific thing that you've hooked on to a specific literal look that someone gave you like a pair of jeans yeah you're reading it and like don't do it or like a word that someone said yeah if you're analyzing a sentence if you're going through someone said your hair looks good today rather than you look nice and you're like what did the

rest of me not look good yeah you're overthinking overthinking what about you well i was gonna say i feel like it's funny that we overthink our looks and like things like that it's almost always correct me if i'm wrong because i don't think it's always but almost always we're overthinking only when it's about us we overthink personal things and then even if we are overthinking somebody else we're normally overthinking the way that they are interacting or impacting on us because you don't really have the same lens. Like the depth of your microscope on everyone else isn't as big as it is on you.

Yeah, I'm not even thinking your outfit. It's like, I just think great outfit. Big fat lenses. Big glasses. Thank God I haven't got my glasses on. Because I'd be overthinking it. He's like, shit, we should talk about my glasses. Big fat lenses. No, but I'm thinking that you almost don't analyze yourself i think we're selfish yeah

you only really give a shit about how you look yeah so i'm not when my friend says oh is my outfit okay you're like yeah of course you look fine anyway back to me out the door we go we're late yeah honestly yeah this is my day yeah it's weird isn't it yeah and it's also such a feminine yeah do we think boys have it i think boys do overthink i mean i know they do obviously but i think it's so a feminine thing to dwell because there's so much i think there's such a pressure on like the feminine and so much needs to be or we feel that so much needs to be like you know sustained almost like proven exactly yeah there's also this thing it's like the what if cycle and we made a post about this we did yeah and women have a tendency to when a relationship ends more likely than not

the woman that is overthinking women ask themselves more what if i change this what if i did this the men do i wonder what he meant when he said that and now i can't ask him or like what if i just didn't go that time what if i just lost some weight and then would i it's like men just accept that as fact that happened i behaved perfectly and this is the outcome rather than women who kind of go into the women are a bit more um multifaceted though than men because uh and maybe i'm just fucking rude we are like i'm happy to be rude yeah me too and my friend said the other day about her own like partner but you know whatever she said but he's just a bit one-dimensional because he's just a boy i would die i would die his boys are i think i think if you are between the ages of like 15 to 35 or whatever i just said and you have been

romantically involved with a boy of a similar age to you i mean obviously they're way more mature that's a whole different podcast let's not even go into that but they look at the world in a different way because the world will always find a way to work out for them whereas for women you have to shift things over and move mountains to make the world work out for you so you understand things at so many different lenses all at once it just out interest what was his one dimension like what dimension did he she came to him with like a complex like emotional issue and he was basically just like yeah i'll be fine you know i mean like one of those yeah well you know you've done your bit and that's it like very much like not understanding the complexity of the nuance yeah that is so gutting yeah i honestly would die but i do think boys are

more one-dimensional than men i mean well yeah i guess but boys are more one-dimensional than women typically i think i love it because i think in order for a woman to thrive and even survive you have to adapt to this survival of the fittest. You have to be more. More of everything. More of everything. Literally more. Whereas men can kind of scrape by with the bare minimum.

And they're still rewarded. And you'll be all right. I spoke about it in a podcast that's coming up soon. I was gonna say, with who? I'm doing another podcast with you. I'm actually doing, I've got my fingers in a lot of her eyes. You've got a solo venture.

Yeah, I'm actually branching out alone. On a podcast that's coming out soon about my friend who was like on a dating app. And she was like, this guy is so great. He didn't even say anything creepy. And it's like, that's not good enough. The bar is so low. Yeah, that's what you said. That was your response to the other one.

The bar is so low. It's literally like, God, that is so nothing. And it's honestly just stayed in my mind. It's like, God, boys actually don't have to do anything for us to celebrate them. They can literally just walk down the street and we're like,

my God, they didn't attack me. Oh my God, he didn't. He doesn't walk around with his hands in his... So awful. Me and my friend went to this pub the other day. Went to this awful, awful pub. The mat, yeah, it was really horrific. We spent 40 pounds.

It was a big... God. Yeah, I don't know what we were doing. Big night out. was in the day it was the middle of the day it was bizarre big day out honestly big day out field trip completely weird day the guy that was serving us had his hands in his pants and my friend saw him and the man went sorry oh like that's even then i'm like listen at least he apologized give him a him a break, all right? Cut his slack. He acknowledged his fault. He's self-aware at least.

Exactly. That's how low the bar is. 100%. I always think as well, this is kind of about memories. I've definitely said it to you before. It's like one of my little things that I come up with that doesn't make any sense. But to me, this is how it works in my mind. Where, say for example, I said something fucking horrible to you.

God, that would be so mean. I would cry. I would cry. But say I said something horrible. For example, I said big fat horrible to you God that would be so mean I would cry I would cry But say I said something horrible For example I said big fat lenses or something That I'm wearing big fat lenses I said you had big fat lenses on

Yeah no For which you don't I don't even wear glasses I don't wear glasses Makes no sense I'm kind of projecting Because I wear glasses Everyone wears glasses

It's just a bit tricky Sometimes I actually wear contacts I just want to make that clear I don't wear glasses Why do you not wanna wear glasses? That's kind of your look though, glasses. Don't say that, you're cutting that out.

I know I'm not. There is no way that's making it onto the first season. That is, I think of you as- No, that's not my look. It definitely was in the beginning of third year. Beginning of third year, yeah, because I couldn't see, I didn't have any contacts, but now I'm a changed woman.

What's wrong with glasses? Nothing's wrong with glasses for other people, but they just, honestly, it was not my vibe. It actually even weighs down on my like conscience a bit that I like, I actually walked around wearing it. Anyway. Well, I think also we're doing a podcast at some point on like fashion and style,

like how that plays into identity. And that's interesting. Speaking of my glasses, they were nice. Yeah, I love them. Big fat lenses. They're literally what they are. So if I them i just want them big fat lenses they're literally what they are so if i said to you you big fat lenses or something and you thought god that really upset me i could then in the same day be like you look amazing today by the way but that

is longer manipulative relationship i'm like obviously a psychopath like i'm honestly being abused i don't know which way to turn yeah i don't know who to believe so i say something nice to you and i also say something horrible to you what are you gonna hold on to obviously the negative thought and i think memories and words and compliments and things like that it's like a gift card oh i love it yes do you really i read about i don't remember what you're gonna say but i remember the word gift card to me it's like a gift card say i got you a body shop gift card for 20 pounds thank you i haven't if you don't use that for what 18 months you don't scan it it just expires money wasted never to be seen again no body butter for you done and dusted like it never happened okay yeah you have it sitting in

your purse and seven months later you go oh i'm gonna i'm actually gonna see how much is left on this good card they scan, 20 pounds left. Oh, amazing, I haven't even touched it, great. And now it will last me another 18 months or whatever from the day that you first scanned it. You have a gift card for 20 pounds. If you don't touch it, within 18 months it will expire. Say you touch it after seven months,

now you've got another 18 months from that day, okay? So it's like you've completely renewed it. Yeah. Do you have that? In the body shop you used to yeah okay nice just you know a little secret um so now you've extended the shelf life essentially of that gift card memories i think and you know like negative thoughts about yourself etc etc you go home that day and you think oh big flat lenses can't be she said that about me blah blah blah whatever and maybe the the shelf life of that memory or that thought would be like two years then you think about it again the next day so now you've got

another two years from that day then you forget about it for a while then three months later you think oh my god remember that time big fat lenses you look at your glasses again exactly yeah and the memory haunts you now you've got two years from that day and every time you think of it you're renewing and you're extending the shelf life of that but it's even almost worse because every time you think about a memory it gets slightly more unreliable you just so you might say big fat stupid lenses like you're adding yeah two years later it's like i fucking hate your stupid glasses you can't every time you wear those glasses i just feel sick like every by, by the end, five years later it's nuts. And we're not friends.

Yeah, exactly. Memory's crazy. Memory is crazy. And I think obviously then in the same way that it's now two years later and you're still thinking about big fat lenses, you can't remember that I said to you, you look really nice today.

Oh, there's no way. Because anything positive kind of just, anything neutral positive just washes over you, your brain doesn't need it. But your brain, I feel like senses the pain or the threat of like insults and it holds on to it because it's like right we need to adapt how do i i was gonna get away with it we've evolved like that but 100 it's for survival of the fittest it's literally like okay darwinism it's like okay well i'm wearing big fat lenses i'm not going to find a mate with those get rid of the glasses and then

it's like you change you keep changing until society says are you fit yeah you're you're going to be the leader of society whatever we're striving to be it's like yeah okay and you're donald trump you look in the mirror and you're orange but if someone said to donald trump years ago look at your stupid fake tan why have you not tanned your eyes your eyelids that looks so weird exactly you might not be in the position he is very true where were his friends back then you could have

stopped us from this mess well I spoke about this a bit in the body image episode but kind of feeding on from that I used to have a I still have a note

on my phone of all the compliments that people have paid me not all of them but just the ones I remember the ones that stick out when they stick

I write it down because they hit some sort of hook yeah and it's like okay so you remember all the horrific things that people have paid me not all of them but just the ones i remember the ones that stick when they stick i write it down because they hit some sort of hook yeah and it's like okay so you remember all the horrific things that people said about you those play in your mind whatever but you never ever you're so quick to forget them and when i read it back it's like oh fuck someone said my dress was nice oh i'll wear the dress again rather than one time when you looked in the mirror and thought i can't wear that again exactly it's like like you should just give them the same amount of weight if not more weight if you can but at least level the playing field and it's like they get the same amount of attention as the shit thing and then you're extending the shelf life i feel like of

those things because now you know i would have forgotten all of them exactly yeah and i actually think that's actually a good like practice to keep up with because now i feel like you would be more in tune to when people do compliment you not that you go around like looking for compliments no no it's the ultimate external validation yeah i almost think what i'm externally devalidated unvalidated the whole time yeah it's like okay i'll take some external validation when i can well it's almost like it just brings you back to reality yeah because often i feel like insults and like the negative shit isn't really reality if i said to you big fat lenses as we've discussed it says more about me than it does about you

because I hated my big fat lenses. Well, 100%. And whilst it's like not actually great, it's not like a good idea to be getting your, well, it's not great to be relying on other people. You should obviously have an innate sense of- Esteem. Self-esteem.

But it's almost like, if you've hooked onto everything that people are saying, or like bad things you think about, the way you look, like, oh God, I fucked up that sentence, embarrassed myself in front of that guy it's quite good just have a little list i actually highly recommend this of stuff that some people have said because you thought oh yeah a scroll get that i think everyone's got that in their own different way because i used to remember i did that with um like my uni work any like good feedback

that i got on an essay i would just cut out all the bad shit and i would highlight the good stuff and i would save it and i had a word document on my laptop called like don't be a dick basically like love that like stop being dumb like you're obviously doing all right because yeah you're obviously smart said that you had spunky style oh my god this is erin's like biggest compliment of all time it's kind of of, I love that you loved it. No, I love this. So basically, wait, you tell it. I love this. So Erin went into office hours one day.

Big mistake. No, no. Never go to office hours. Huge, huge mistake. No, she went to office hours and it was with a really quite weird man, I think called Ian, who'd been quite mean to her in the past.

Oh, don't, I even can't talk. I kind of got- You're shivering. I'm just shaking up. And she went in and he said, I love your writing style it's spunky stylish

he knows it's like completely wrong it's wrong he said your writing is spunky and stylish it wasn't all face to face oh no he wrote it down

it was after my dissertation I think so Erin went and wrote her dissertation cut to there's a million ways that this could work out but essentially

this guy my tutor who I we had a weird you know it's a love ways that this could work out but essentially this guy my tutor who i we had a weird you know it's a love hate relationship like i really admired him thought he was really smart but also terrified like don't want to be alone with you like you're insane um said that i had good writing or something and we're not good writing or something as if we don't remember every word it was i don't remember which was hilarious flare or something no it was defo spunk because i'm thinking why would you say that why would you say that i'm writing like history like essays he said it was spunky and stylish yeah which i absolutely it's hilarious that you said the word spunk just because it's like

do you know what that means i'm coming all over my eyes your writing is just kind of like a bit jizzy so really horrendous but it's quite nice to hear well it's something to hold on to then when you go into your new you know endeavors the next thing that you write you'll think right be extra spunky today it's like that put some spunk yeah don't be scared bursting and style stylish too so when i found out we were doing this podcast topic i let you know it's like you almost send me a letter a hogwarts letter saying what we're going to be studying that week and i found out it was overthinking and you were happy about it well yeah i had to get some feedback from everyone else right to get some external validation but no i was almost trying to get everyone's thoughts do a basically do a survey yeah so i said when when you think

of overthinking to my entire house i pose this question when you think of overthinking what springs to mind yeah what do you think about yeah um and my housemate jack another jack so separate jack i don't live with aaron's boyfriend i actually live with aaron's boyfriend now he lives alone i won't move out i refuse different jack but he said that the more empathy you have he feels the more overthinking you do god what okay that's not one dimensional then is it sorry jack clever boy yeah but he basically was saying that because you're not so much overthinking about yeah because it kind of counters what we were saying earlier of that it's mostly about yourself it's almost like the more you can um understand how your actions

impacted someone else the more you would sort of question your behavior question it kind of does relate back to yourself yeah but then i almost think sorry jack you're not here to defend yourself but is it about empathy or is it saying the more you could be super empathetic but also very sure of yourself and not let your you know your mind doesn't need to wander because you're self-assured i always think still be very it's almost like the understanding of your impact though the understanding on others yeah on others it definitely relates back to like how you view yourself right but i think it's like how did that make someone else feel and then questioning was i arrogant was i okay in that situation yeah and that's what you're overthinking but then i think

if you're self-assured you don't need to go was i okay in that situation because you're just essentially worrying it's like a bit vapid well i also was thinking there's a huge difference between like worrying overthinking and like problem solving right yes like spending time being emotionally intelligent it's like yeah how productive is your thought like if your thought is not productive yeah big question how productive is your how productive is your thought i'm gonna ask you it honestly it depends on the day remember i said to you before i i feel like I'm like on a tightrope and honestly it's like, now it's therapy. I feel like with a gust of wind,

honestly it just afflict me. I'm either having a really good day or a really bad day and it's all about my perception of life. Yeah, it's just all in my head. Oh, I get that. I think that's most people. Yeah, it can be really productive or the worst.

I think that most people go through life feeling as if they're on a bit of a tightrope it takes so little to push you exactly that's up to us then to build that stronger foundation that your tightrope kind of turns a bit thicker it's like two centimeters wide five cents yeah a bit of room yeah yeah to play with yeah but i almost think that's like you know whether i'm really productive in my thought or whether I'm, you know, like hindering my progression, that's separate from my empathy. I'm always empathetic, but sometimes my esteem is like very much there and self-assured. And in other times I'm wavering and that's got nothing to do with my empathy or how I see myself with others. It's a very personal, selfish thing of

thinking in myself, like I cannot do this day or like i do not deserve this for example i think that's when you're overthinking so jack's example i feel is very much based in overthinking about your behaviors not so much overthinking about your like thought so the overthinking we're almost talking about is like did i choose the wrong thing did i choose the wrong outfit did i say the wrong thing blah blah blah his almost when i looked at that person did they think it's almost like based on the perception of himself rather than like ours is like did i act in a way that's that i agree with so he's talking about how others perceive him for example and then his fear about that of how he impacted them i'm getting lost yeah he's done a whole holy shit he's done a whole ring around i think he's talking about his overthinking of how he's being perceived

whereas my overthinking typically would be how i'm perceiving myself yeah it's like do my actions align with my perception of myself yeah basically because i actually then think it kind of works in that psychopath way of like if you have no empathy you're not sitting awake at night worrying about yourself and others you're just getting on exactly it's like yeah you've like got no fear yeah i mean like there's no kind of the chemicals in your brain it doesn't really matter what other people think about because you're just playing them off anyway so i heard a quote that i wrote down many times ago many moons ago when i heard it on a podcast for my notes because my notes are just like filled to the brim place to be apparently they are they're just i live in my notes and it is you will find the evidence for what you choose to believe i love it

it's so great because it's like we create a belief about ourselves or something that happened we create a narrative around it and then you're going to make it and you go back it's like revisionist history so it's that it's like you go back yeah i find it i found the narrative and i'll just make it fit yeah and you're just like oh but they looked at me like that and they said that thing. And of course that happened. That is so true. It's crazy. And that happens whether you have, I think, empathy or not.

Yeah, definitely. And I think what changes it the most is if you have like a very strong foundation of self-esteem or not. Yeah. No, it's completely rooted in self-esteem. Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

Because you would do it more when you're, when you've been in that cycle and it's been negative and you're finding all of the reasons why your life is shit etc and you're overthinking in that way you'll carry on that narrative and you'll sustain that over you'll be overthinking about overthinking about overthinking yeah whereas when you are secure you haven't you haven't distorted anything you see things what they are but it also works you then find the evidence for what you choose to believe you see things what they are but it's also works you then find the evidence for what you choose to believe you're choosing to believe that you are amazing yeah so you'll find the evidence yeah you'll say oh well they all said i was amazing yeah i didn't i've got exactly notes yeah really actually all down i've got it i can quote you back so like you'll just

find the evidence for what you choose to believe wendy's has a new breakfast deal mix and match two items of your choice for only $4. Breakfast wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra. So how do you stop that then?

How do you interrupt it? As in, how do you get there first before your brain, you know, to run away how do you you know get how do you choose the good belief yeah how do you like interrupt that pattern and jump in first and say no we're not doing that today practice just like i think it's having that um i think it's having that in your notes yeah but i think that's part of the practice it's like every day choosing the belief even if it's like you don't fully believe it that day just still keeping that narrative alive like finding the evidence do you think you can change the way you feel yeah my dad here's another little quote my dad always says and i do think this is true act your way out of a way of thinking don't think your way out of a way of acting act your way out

of a way of thinking don't think your way out of a way of acting okay don't think your way, out of a way of acting. Okay, elaborate. It's almost fake it till you make it. I love it. It's quote city right now. Yeah, it really is. But it's like... Can't move for quotes. I know.

It was. Should we open a window? There's a quote in here. There's quotes in here. Christ. So a little like... I can't breathe. 2020 Vision calendar book.

Basically, if you've got 2020 Vision, our ebook... Then you're in on all our secrets. You're in on all of our secrets and also there's an amazing calendar and we give you've got 2020 vision our ebook then you're in on all our secrets you're in on all of our secrets and also there's an amazing calendar and we give you a little quote every month um well you know just something to think about something to mull over a glass of with a muller light that is hilarious what was it you're talking about your dad's quote so yeah it's about faking it till

you make it really so i think it does work i'm because i have always been a big advocate for thinking your way out of a way of acting and he's not he's a big advocate for acting your way out of a way of thinking i think what do you mean by this i think these words strange sentences i think that you can change you and your dad have different ideas of this? Well, I could be swayed. Or you like your dad's, yeah. I like his, but I... I stand true to myself. I do stand true to my own beliefs. I think that...

So I might be acting very, like, bitter. Like, I'm a very bitter person at the moment. And that's all coming from my thought process. I think you can interrupt your thoughts and change your thoughts, replace them with the ones that you like over a long extended period of time work therapy blah blah blah and then your behavior will change because

you've started to build some self-esteem so you're changing your way of thinking to change the way you act i think you're just changing your beliefs and your actions your behavior will follow okay but your dad my dad thinks he flips that all on his head he has a big yeah 180 flip so he says that don't do any of that right just start acting and then you'll start thinking or whatever just start doing all this stuff and then your beliefs will mirror your actions okay i see where you're going i mean i like a bit of both because i always say i like i do say fake it you make it 100 and i do it's worked for me yeah yeah honestly i'm the queen of all stop oh well i'm the queen by the way yeah 100 it's worked for me many a time yeah it does work it's like almost fail safe but

i think to get to a point where you think yeah i'm gonna fake it so you make it you have to change the way that you're thinking yeah because say for example i'm going i don't know why i'm talking about seminars today this is just get over it you graduated like six months ago over it doesn't want you anymore i was saying to my housemates every day i was like so what was your favorite place in brighton it's like i'm clearly not over it i love oh don't even get me started oh don't get me started i just wanted to reminisce of the place oh don't tempt me like don't even get me started. Oh, don't get me started. It's like I just wanted to reminisce of the places. Oh, don't tempt me. Like, don't get podcast cancelled. Let's just talk about it.

Left of the pier, one of the answers was. I was thinking, hmm, I was always more of a right of the pier girl. Yeah, that's bizarre. Left of the pier. Apparently that was the place to be. Wrong side of the pier, everyone. Wrong side of the pier. You woke up on the wrong side of the pier.

You really did. With Fake It Till You Make It, though, I think, before you can even get there, if you're thinking about a seminar and you're thinking shit i'm not going i don't want to go then you're not thinking about fake it till you make it you're thinking about how doomed you are whereas if you're already changing the way you're thinking and you're trying to be productive and thinking okay how am i going to get around this how am i going to figure this out what's the most productive route for me today

and it i know it includes my seminar you'll think of something like fake it till you make it. You'll think of, you know, rearranging your thoughts. But I think if before you get there, if you're already dooming yourself, you're committing to the doom. You need to change that behaviour. You need to change the behaviour and fake it. Yeah, and fake it till you make it will be,

you know, it's a distant, it's in the horizons, you're like hallucinating. It's not in reach yet. It's a mirage. Yeah, you literally can't get there because you're not thinking about fake it you make you're thinking i'm calling it sick um yeah i think there's a healthy balance of both i think you can definitely fake it to make it and

also be changing your beliefs at the same time yeah but i am a firm believer that your beliefs need to change before your behavior can feel genuine as well like you can't fake it to make it in every scenario through your life. You almost need to- Well sometimes your body just literally, because it will be your throat, like while you're wearing, for example, you might be acting, you might be the queen of the seminar.

Oh yeah. But why do you sound like you're gonna cry? Literally. Like why are you shaking though? Why are you literally, your palms are so sweaty. Why are you sweating? Yeah. Sorry, you're sweating by the way

big fat lens but that's the thing it's like okay you can fake it till you make it but at the end of the day you're still faking it yeah to make it i want to make it and make it yeah i want to make it and make it yeah so it's kind of like okay so you do need to do that you need to do the work every day that's the difference this is the answer that always, this is just why none of it's ever like satisfying because the answer is like, do a load of work. It's not romantic. It's not cute.

It's like, well, sit down with a worksheet. I've got homework. Just girly things. It's like not nice. It's not good because the answer isn't, oh, wait, I just have to like, just literally fake it till you make it. Just walk in.

Oh, there you go. Project one. Yeah, oh my God, you're everything you ever wanted. It's like, no, actually you've got to sit down with yourself and like have a big convo. something down you've got to overthink a bit is that the route to happiness overthinking no it's the killer of happiness the killer the

destroyer it's honestly a dementor i think this is what can you think your way into happiness do you think well that's the thing isn't it it's all about perception then if from your perspective you're super happy then yeah your actions your behaviors your reality to everybody else might be different but if your thoughts are telling you that you're happy and that you're satisfied and that you're content you'll be living that way how do you get those positive thoughts because there's always that thing like just think positive and we did positive vibes only yeah we did a post about this about like toxic positivity of just like good vibes people like no bad vibes and it's like wait but how do you get no bad vibes yeah i'm giving i'm like radiating bad vibes yeah i think that is a part of life i think sometimes you have to know almost like the bad vibes are good vibes in a way because there is like growth in there but when

you're feeling pure bad vibes just like negative thoughts about yourself i think yeah i think it's when you're getting self-destructive as i say if you're obsessing over a sentence or a look or a moment that's when i know it's not productive thought yeah so i think we can't really talk about overthinking in 2020 21st century without talking about social media and how that plays in of course here it comes i was googling around as i do and i googled the most dumb obvious thing ever i said does social media cause anxiety saw a load of articles immediately clicked off because it's like fucking hell of course we fucking know it does but moron yeah and then i was thinking about how i read this ages and ages and ages ago about how the more you post

on social media typically the more unhappy you are god which is miserable and i don't think that plays into everything like with the rise of like influencing and stuff i don't think that's actually true it's just something to think about but i think people that post on facebook that is truthful wow we're calling you out because because and i don't almost mean like old people that use facebook because that is their their premium they like live for facebook you're talking about like the youth i'm talking about people that twitter kind of comes into it too potentially maybe instagram but it's kind of just that i'm having a great time i'm constantly updating you it's like yeah okay what's your status well i was thinking about this and i was thinking okay overthinking podcast and what are my thoughts and i thought about how back in the day say like in the 40s you and i know each other and i see you

you know now and then and then i go home a little dress but like her curl is in my hair yeah you're standing at the window when my husband my husband's out of the war i've got bad news listen i've got news about your husband i get a message from a man knocked on my door with a little scroll of paper bad news about gerald i'm sorry i'm sorry to be going to talk i couldn't believe the news when i got um sorry gerald yeah r.i.p yeah rip rip but so i'm your friend of the 40s yeah and i see you on monday and then i go home and i live my life and i've got my kids and i've got my dog and then i you know do my little job and then i see you maybe next friday and you fill me in on what's been going on in that like two weeks

it's not been good for you and you know what i had no idea oh actually my husband died at war how's it been for you i've been with my dogs my dog my kids my little job but that's the thing that's a good example because yeah i i had no idea yeah right whereas today you're on facebook every day i know by thursday thursday morning i've seen a big old post i'm scrolling through god there's pictures everyone's reacting crying it's not even me it's everyone else is coming around so sorry to hear about gerald yeah yeah i'm getting my inbox is flooded have you spoken to persephone no i haven't why what's going on gerald gerald i'm looking his for his page is still up you know but now I know because I can keep up.

Whereas in the 40s. I've like become a widow influencer. Oh right, you're capitalising on it. Yeah, I'm monetising his debt. You're being sent like black outfits. All black outfits. Honestly, the funeral, I look good. Oh, it's looking good. I'm looking good.

You've got like a little Snapchat filter designed like for like Gerald's funeral. It's the place to be. to be okay you're not invited because you rubbed it in at the time but that's the thing i saw you on the monday i went home and i just turned off i've done my socializing i don't have to worry about how how i look you know how you look what anything's you know whatever's going on who you're talking to who you're seeing what my kids are doing blah blah blah and i won't know until next friday yeah whereas today i'll see you and then by next friday i'll have a general idea you know i'll get the gist of what you've been up to because i've seen it and i'll only have seen the best bits

oh yeah you're gonna see me looking hot after jerry's i'll either only see the glamour or the drama and there's kind of no in between there's no mundane there's no there's no room for mundane it's like madness yeah like oh this is me crying blah blah blah yeah or me looking stunning in sequence yeah literally in sequence and speaking of sequence i was just about to say this it's kind of read my mind um me and my friends were talking about new year's eve and how that is just the ultimate ultimate FOMO night no matter if you're going to the biggest party so me and my friends went to a party on New Year's Eve yeah and we were talking about how we always just have more fun the smaller the night is yeah and it's like yeah actually it's more fun when you're just with those few people that you know but if we were at the small thing

then we'd have been having FOMO for the big party the big thing but when we're at the big party we're thinking I'd rather be the small thing we should just be with the people we actually like yeah exactly yeah and also i think new year it's so reflective of like have i had a good year have i had a shit year everyone else had a good year why have i had a bad year what can i do for next year oh my god oh i'm not doing that again oh my god this was the year that that went wrong which is another reason you should 100 by 2020 vision if you haven't already and it's not too late it's never too late to buy we actually don't mean to promo this but i think it's honestly the best thing we've ever done it's a really good resource it means no worries honestly hakuna matata lifestyle it really does yeah but yeah new

years is just kind of the ultimate yeah overthinking time yeah and fomo so elevated by social media yeah it is social media and fomo is actually just a style of overthinking yeah 100 because and it's true it's like back in the day i never would have had those worries because you don't consume your thoughts don't run like that yeah we are now thinking more than ever like statistically yeah yeah i read once that it was like the amount of thoughts you have in a day has like tripled yeah exactly yeah so it's of course we're overthinking also like first thing in the morning you immediately start scrolling yeah that should be the time you're waking up you've just been like dreaming there's been all this shit going

on you've woken up and you're in two scrolls you've gone past like what 10 people that's 10 different things that you've now now you know what kylie jenner is doing and what that guy from school and you better be sure that she looks amazing yeah She's been living her best, the time you were sleeping, oh, she's been at the Met Gala. Yeah, and you weren't invited. You weren't invited. Oh, you watched How to Fuck with Cats, idiot. Oh my God.

I can't even, I don't actually know why I brought it up because I can't talk about it. No, I'm pissed off that you've done that. Guys, if you haven't seen Don't Fuck with Cats, genuinely don't watch it. Like, I feel sick. I don't want to talk about it. It genuinely made me ill, I think,

because that was the day that I got ill. Erin was just being ill for a week straight i was not honestly i was knocked out out like a light and it all starts from how to fuck with cats no it's don't fuck with cats it's not how to it's basically a guide tutorial how to fuck with cats well should we start to wrap up by thinking about how can we stop overthinking do you have any answers let's just figure that out quickly it's like right okay let's get some brains let's workshop those how do we stop overthinking meditate on that for a while fuck i almost think first of all i think it's a i think it's a step by step thing first of all identify if it's productive if it is you can keep thinking it's

fine well you've got a whole pass on that that's all right we'll let you off yeah second part two is it's not productive you can either a take the root of nip it in the bud and just cut it just cut the shit stop thinking you're going to interrupt that thought and just stop it replace it with something nice just leave it there b is what do you think well i've just come up with the answer and that's a short amount of time you're speaking you may have seen me reaching for my phone i did yeah the panicked expression yeah um so she's only gone and done it i've honestly i've only gone and done it guys overthinking cancelled yeah i've done it okay so completed it mate i have an app it's called it's called notes it's called notes you may have seen it no it's called something

about like um thought diary something like that and it has the thing called a section that says cognitive distortions and this is a part where you i'm sold yeah honestly so it tells you your different thinking styles that are like unhelpful and i think this is how you know whether you're overthinking this is not how to solve overthinking it's how to identify okay and from there we can work with it so here are the thinking styles all or nothing thinking so you're thinking 100 that is true 100 that's not true over generalization so this is all every aspect of me is this filtering out the positive jumping to conclusions mind reading

they thought that about me there's no evidence to suggest that fortune telling so you're this is gonna go like that yeah magnification of the negative minimization of the positive everyone's favorite catastrophizing emotional reasoning which is when you create reasoning for your beliefs should must statements so i should have done this i must do this labeling like i am ugly i am big fat lenses i am big fat lenses self-blaming and other blaming blaming other people for your actions so those are some unhelpful thinking styles i think when you identify it's like oh i was catastrophizing that oh i was minimizing the positive i was all nothing well it's that thing of like when you know your hooks when you know exactly what's going on

it's not scary it's like in the middle of a horror film you turn the lights on it's like oh i'm actually not bothered anymore it's like a really badly like cgi like monster like not a big deal it's like when you put the lights on like when you read the book when you understand it yeah it's not scary anymore you know yeah you can identify in our halloween episode just about horror movies um we're talking about horror movies and we were saying that it's about the context of where you watch them 100 that makes me scary it's almost with scary thoughts it's the context of like almost how you're feeling is how much weight yeah if i yeah if i have one of those if i'm gonna wake up and be fragile and with either gust of wind i'm gonna have a great day or a bad day depending on my perception and your tight

rope is thin and my tightrope is thin. If I wake up and straight away, half seven in the morning, I ring you up and say, right, give me your perception on this. And I get the reality. I cannot be trusted for the reality. That's when you come to the wrong person. I'll be sent on my way and I'll ring someone else. yeah if you immediately before you've had the chance to go through the minimizing the positive and overanalyzing the negative and all of this and the emotional and the blaming and the other blaming etc yeah before you've done all that thinking when you feel that coming on maybe

interrupt it with somebody else someone that you trust with the reality yeah because i always feel better when i've just like let the weight off onto somebody else just drag somebody else down with me it's so true and i'm gonna throw another quote out given to me by my year three and four teacher mrs whitney who i loved she used to say a problem shared is a problem halved everyone knows the saying everyone knows it but i always think of it as like so true it really is Yeah, it's almost that easy. It's like, oh. It's like, oh, I was dealing with that all by myself.

And then I spoke to someone else and realised it was nothing. And it's like, oh, wait, did I literally get told this in year three and I'm only just working this out? Fuck. Dumbo. Oh, Miss Whitney.

Oh, Miss Whitney. We have done you wrong. She nailed it. But it's just that thing. She really did. This is why I think talking is so important and communication because it's like actually letting shit out.

Well, yeah, it's different. The difference between between overthinking and over talking is one of them is helpful yeah literally talk it out that's just it and i do think that's why i'm a big advocate for writing as well that's why my notes is spending my notes is just a great place to be yeah um but it's also like if you have no one to actually talk to at that specific moment don't come to me go to erin i don't actually can't do it but it's like okay so on the tube i can't exactly ring my friend and go fuck here's what's happened but it's like i'm on my way to something yeah you're in a quick scenario yeah i can't really do that right now so it's like just write it all down and then when you start writing it's kind of like this person looked at me and i thought they looked at

my shoe which it's almost like ridicule it a bit it's like put like this person looked at me and i thought they looked at my shoe which it's almost like ridicule it a bit it's like put the scary movie in the funny scenario where you're with your friends and you're just laughing at it yeah the other day it's actually a while ago i was driving and i was like god don't cry don't cry and then i was changing the radio like right put a song on and sean paul came on and i was What is Sean Paul? Is that beautiful girl? No, no, no. Sean Kingston. I mean, you guys know Sean Paul. I don't know him. And I laughed at myself.

This is pathetic. You can't cry with Sean Paul. It's, going back to an old reference, it's take yourself to an ice cream shop. It's like, you cannot be sad in a bit of a ridiculous environment. Honestly, it's that. You know what it is? Ridiculous.

Yes. It's like, you're the bogus. You're the bogus. Exactly, yeah. I'm so that. that it's like make it a bit ridiculous like make a bit of a joke out of it obviously that your feelings are valid but just if you can laugh at yourself that's kind of half the problem gone and i think we also all of us don't realize how like lightly we should be holding ourselves it's like we take ourselves so seriously yeah someone saying oh your lenses are thick or whatever yeah which they're not you're like i'm not sleeping tonight you're

like snapping the glasses i knew you were stupid but i think we take ourselves so seriously that isn't reflective anyway so the protagonist of your own life it's like you you spend more time with yourself than anybody that's why you hate anybody what is that bit in the holiday when i don't know it's in the holiday yeah when that old man is like to kate winslet he's like that old man his name's arthur yeah um and i really love him and he says to her you're the protagonist of you're the leading lady of your own life but you're acting like the best friend yeah it's not really relevant but it's a great line yeah it is yeah she's like i should be the leading lady yeah why are you acting like you're literally the villain yeah it's like why is that listen this is the best you've got so either we're gonna work with it or you're just gonna cut it here i was thinking that today it's like this is

the best i've got this is what i have to work so i might as well give it my best shot just like i'm not throwing away my shots honestly yeah and here i am every morning am i gonna throw away my shot no no i can't but i really want to no no no don't do it oh but i really want to throw a shot it's like but i kind of don't like my hair today exactly i've got big fat lenses get fucking rid of them it's not a big deal or just keep them who cares rock the Rock the lenses. Yeah, rock the lenses. Why just the lenses? The frames are as big as the lenses.

The lenses fit in the frame. But that's the thing. It didn't. My right eyesight is really bad. The lens is really thick. It sticks out the frame when we have them show you. I've noticed that Jeremy Corbin actually has big fat lenses. One of his lenses is really thick.

Not everyone has been born with the gift of a sight honestly the gift perfect 2020 vision is what i've got honestly right and on that note yeah i'm done i'm done zo we're done we've done nothing left yeah i think that hopefully that's been helpful yeah it's been a laugh yeah put some sean paul on get yourself some ice cream or beautiful girls the world's most niche reference i think i hope this has been really fun we've got many more topics coming this season yeah we're loving the new look we're loving the new vibe yeah we hope you are too and send us any ideas that you have because you know we've got some plans but we're

always down to you know you guys are smarter than us so they're not i won't have it i won't be having that you're very smart and send us some stuff so see you later thanks so much for listening thank you so much guys and leave a rating on apple because they love ratings and follow us on spotify etc wherever you're listening okay thanks so much bye see ya much. Bye. See ya. Wendy's Small Frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy. It's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet.