Goes Without Saying - life resets & emotional refreshes: where the hell u been loca?

Episode Date: August 13, 2023

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Like the story of a cabaret singer and a sex worker who invented safe sex and saved millions and millions and millions of lives. Go check out Resurrection wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Goes Without Saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. This is a really amazing episode if you're in need of a big emotional decluttering,

if you need to just completely strip down to the bare bones of life and reassess what it is you want to keep a hold of this is a really good one to listen to if you just need to like rinse it all away and start again we're here for you enjoy oh here we go again okay don't know how much of this you're hearing but we've been pausing left and right to sort out our video and everything's been there's a lot going on behind the scenes i know we've been saying we've been filming them and then you haven't been seeing like the full episodes like where is the visuals the visuals are in my recycling bin because because they weren't filming right like they they were filming our frozen faces i only got so much

so you will have seen like little snippets on like of tiktok and instagram and stuff but not full length videos so i just had like three hours of content of us just like staring at the camera which was really annoying um not even stressful it was just quite funny because we've just found a new way to record our like visuals on here like kind of a screen record thing because it didn't work last time annoying um but we just like recorded the video went off and it's clearly some sort of ai situation and had sort of written a whole transcript for our conversation like i just started talking about nails whilst wing was trying to sort it out she was showing me her nails and like showing me pinterest and stuff like what do you think do you think i could do just whilst we're doing the test

just like letting the audio run for the video yeah to see how it would come out and this thing loom i would actually really recommend it i think from what i've seen so far has not only recorded the whole thing but done the transcript and then also come up with a thumbnail a title a buyer whatever this video is it's like exploring new and fun nail techniques so literally just being like what do you think of these nails that i saw oh my god it's literally technology is crazy i was actually just crying with laughter like it wrote out me saying it's like wing colon easy peasy pudding and pie i said to her it's really weird seeing your like words written out like that i love seeing it written because it's always like it just makes it such a script the fact that it's like it makes you realize what what the fuck is coming out of your mouth

yeah easy peasy pudding and pie it's why context is really important and like the format and like the actual medium of what you're doing like things do we were kind of saying this in the feminism 101 i think episode and like the barbie episode about when you change the format of content it does become incredibly different and it's like if i were to sit down and write a book on fun and new nail techniques it wouldn't say easy peasy pudding and pie it would be completely different but just honestly i think it's a really interesting i think we did something like that in secondary school like i'm sure we like we're looking at like scripts and stuff and like transcripts i remember yes i think it was for english language yeah i think so i did it for

yeah we had to write out like we didn't go to the same school but no we didn't same syllabus yeah yeah um but it was like you had to write out the transcripts of radio yeah sports commentators we did and then they found that loads of ones where the sports commentators had been like oh shit fuck like oh my god boy fucked it up sort of thing and like messed up on air and like go through like the sort of grammar that was used yeah which was so weird yeah it's really interesting. But I think it's such an interesting thing of like, oh, that's what I say. Kind of how we always say like, oh, that's what you say when you get on a podcast. You just start talking shit.

You start saying things like easy peasy, pudding and pie. And on that note, what we're talking about today, do you remember? We're talking about resets. You do remember. But I did forget. Like luckily we just had all that mess up because we started recording the first one. I had no idea what was going on. So had time to like relook at what we're doing we asked on the story which by the way it's probably the best way to like be involved or

like get your insights on to the episodes and also to like have a bit of a say in what we talk about because it definitely like shapes what we talk about like it shapes what the episodes are completely it's like what's going on the dms what's going on like in the messages and we put on the story what do you need to leave behind what are we trying to clear out and i feel like this conversation is going to be a little bit of an emotional declutter oh i love that let's put that in the intro yeah maybe in the title hooked yeah yeah well we'll see what loom says yeah loom might be like loom thinks he'll call this up i wonder what he's calling he's our boss that's what i was saying it's like i pled my allegiance to loom yeah no literally it's almost

like we've got an um an assistant in the room well it is interesting because it's like yeah i just signed my life away i was like yep yep yep that's perfect like i was going through all the things like yep i'll give you access to that access to that yeah and then i was shocked i had the cheek to be surprised when he'd been transcribing the whole thing i was like i don't know you're listening taking notes yeah but meanwhile i was like yep tap that microphone that's perfect i'll let you have that yep access to my birth records no worries yeah reset right reset where should we start philip we need to reset this episode yes yeah it's already off to a weird start i think this started the kind of the like recent concept of reset in our life with me talking about tidying my room right i think that's what which to be honest shouldn't be that

a revolutionary thing to do should be should kind of go in your life it was life-changing magic i think was the phrase it really was i don't mean just putting my clothes away i mean deep fucking clean and if you've listened to an episode a few episodes ago maybe even our last no it wasn't in the barbie episode i don't know it might have just come out come up when the episode was we're talking about i really really was like not feeling good and i tidied my room and miraculously i felt okay again it's like oh god crazy how that works the root of it was really simple it's like you were living in that works the root of it was really simple it's like you were living in filth like like literally sort your life out like just do all of the things like wash your sheets sort of hoover your rug water your plants all of the shit that you've just

like been letting slip i feel like my plants heard that and their ears perked up like they were like what like yes please tell her to water water us mine is actually like not doing well mine are okay i think but they're hanging on by you know we've been through a lot in in and that reset has genuinely lasted so long newly so i it genuinely felt like oh my god the answer was so simple and i don't mean that everyone's answer is guys go tidy your room like look i'm not your mom despite what you say we're not your mothers the very pod mothers is a big difference literally i'm not saying necessarily that's the answer but like maybe it's like you need to eat a healthy meal with like some vegetables in it maybe you

need to go for a run maybe you need to see a friend like whatever the thing is that you think is lacking and i think my sims kind of environment environment bar was really low like I was not loving my environment and just bringing that up so that every day I kind of wake up and I'm like oh my god like I've got all my stuff in here like there's no clutter there's not like a pile of receipts in the corner like I've gone everything that's in this room now I like which is a crazy thing like because it's like my childhood bedroom or something teenage bedroom there was a lot of shit in here that I've accumulated from like the different houses i've lived in my time at uni i all bought it back and it's just been sitting in this room so it's like a lot of shit has been

in here yeah and now it's like everything that's in here is either important to me and it's like a memory or i currently love yeah which has changed everything i do think it's the reset of that like the knock-on effect of that has been really quite huge yeah completely because i think it also becomes like a mental thing of like yeah look at all the shit that you're carrying with you like it's heavy to carry so much not to be like um minimalism documentary it's so true but it is true but i also think it doesn't have to be a stressful thing like it doesn't have to be like a um pressured thing of like you've turned on seven wing and we're like right guys get up clean your room we're giving you chores we really have a list of chores to do list

i think about what exactly what you said about like giving yourself what you lack and being able to like acknowledge what it is that you're in need of and sometimes it is like you need that fresh slate feeling like you need to release certain things it also did bring to mind a bit of a random i remember i said this to you and you were like that is genius and i didn't i was not prepared for that so basically this is a little word of wisdom from alfie days oh god i really really wasn't expecting that meanwhile whatever this app is called is writing down chat on alfie days co-law alfie days wisdom loom listen up honestly loom listen up because this is i honestly think alfie days has actually given me two really interesting thinking points over the

past couple of years which is interesting right yeah so one of them this is completely irrelevant but i'm gonna say it anyway just because you know we've set it up loom's curious he wants to know what's alfie days yeah he wants he wants to know it was a podcast and alfie days and zoe sug were on the podcast together not this podcast i would die i would nothing i'd love more friends of the show come on anytime zoe sug you're welcome anytime and pull up a chair time tell us how the fuck did you do it pioneered an industry at 21 all on your own i'd be crying every day it's insane anyway alfie days famously they were on this podcast together and they they just had a baby i think and they were

asked utterly and they were asked to each to say like who would you address a letter to like after becoming parents like what would you say yeah who would it be to like what would it say something like that and zoe i think said to like you know any like first-time moms or just like anyone really struggling like no you're not alone so beautiful gorgeous sentiment zoe you're welcome anytime as i said alfie i'm not gonna lie he did one up on her he topped her right he oh my god he took me by surprise he said he really took his time i might be dressing this up in my memory but in my memory it was like the wind was blowing the orchestra started playing he looked off into the distance and he said i think it was expected that he would say yeah i'd write a letter to all the dads and i would say like you know listen up buddy you got

it that sort of thing but he didn't he said i would write a letter i'm pretty sure i've got this right i'm a bit nervous now i'm pretty sure he said i would write a letter to all the mums and say i appreciate all the things that you're doing that you're not given credit for because he was like because growing up i saw my dad going out to work and my mum was always at home with us and i kind of thought oh my dad's really hard working my dad's the one providing for us my dad's the one like taking care of like he always appreciated his mum i'm sure but like he always took it as like his dad was working really really hard and he said like now that i'm older i would say that i'm able to appreciate that the parent who's at home with the kid is working

like a million times harder and obviously it's gendered in that like it's often the woman and they're just like the unsung heroes of life so that was one thing that really that perked up my ear that got me thinking 100 it got me mulling on expected unexpected from alfie you know just in the in the conversation that was what i heard and i thought that's a real gem alfie you've you've shocked me there i was surprised proven something about yourself there it was the perspective that he brought i just almost thought i didn't know that was where you were going to take us and i appreciated it i didn't know you had that in you like my perception of him has been pretty formed when i was like 14 15 and i didn't know he had continued to grow since that point well listen up i've got

more where that came from this is the alfie day's leftovers podcast so this is actually the relevant bit in when we're talking about like giving yourself what you're lacking and that sort of thing like yep mums we love you but this is actually the important stuff he i remember it was a conversation about like advice for um people dating and friendships and relationships and things like that they said like love what would your advice be that was the question given to him and i'm pretty sure he said again this is all through this is completely filtered by wing so you're getting the wing version brackets taylor's version brackets wings version of whatever alfie day said like two years ago he said whatever the conversation is that you're avoiding and hoping doesn't come up

yeah that's the conversation that you need to have now oh god it's so good i've just got shivers whatever conversation you're thinking shit right let's just avoid that i think i might have even said this on the podcast before i remember you telling me about this it's a really good one and i think it links in in the sense of like whatever it is that you're putting off whatever it is that you know you need to do give it to yourself not as some sort of like pressured negative burden of tasks to do but give it to yourself like as a gift of like i am for example in the terms of a relationship it's like i value this relationship that i want to work on it and so because yes i'm avoiding the conversation or whatever because it's going to be confrontation it's going to be this it's going to be that it's going to be

difficult but it's worth it to me and i'm committed and i'm gonna do it and in the same way that you might be putting off tidying your room or like eating something good for you if it's wrapped up in i'm doing this because i care about myself and i'm invested in myself and i love myself or even if i'm not there yet like i'm trying to make an effort i'm trying to be nice to myself those are the things that should be on the top of the list in a very kind and easy and sweet way rather than a like this is the list of things that you're not doing good enough yeah so just words of wisdom you know from me and my friends well i love me my best yeah me too me too really telling me both of those on different occasions as well which shows how long these have actually been around in your mind like you've held these quite closely for years they shocked me they took me i

didn't expect him to say that no i'm just a civilian what am i to do when alfie days come out with something like that i'm like i'm taking her back i can't lie oh 100 i'm taking her back i was shocked do you remember when we saw alfie days in brighton we were crossing a crossing and this big car kind of pulled up to like stop for us oh you didn't say i was walking ahead oh and i like to say thank you to the car like kind of put my hand up yeah i looked i was like that's fucking alfie days yeah i remember oh my god hi and then we kind of ran on yeah and got on our merry way um as did he um and what else was i gonna say yeah no i love the idea of not making a chore yeah because i think that's one of the things that holds it back like

when you think about okay well you it's basically the language on it would you like to tidy your room no i've had bad connotations with that my whole life of just like no i don't want to turn in my room so boring blah blah blah like any old kid or would you like to kind of rearrange your space and make it like um inspirational and easy and um fun for you divine yeah i'll do that because i actually did it this is actually another element of the tidy the big deep marie kondo clean that i did i actually um arranged my room kind of with the book atomic habits in mind that i read a few months ago. Like I really arranged it to make the things that I want to bring into my life like more accessible to me. Yeah. So like rather than like my yoga mat is like under my bed, I need to like yank it out

every day. Yeah, it's covered in dust, like, put it up, give it its moment. It has like its corner. I see it every day. And I do yoga every every day another thing i'm trying to bring in music i want to listen to music every day so i charged my speaker put it on its own desk it's there it's got like candles around it crystals around it it's like you will be listening to music every day in the morning yeah like all of the things i want to bring into my life making them accessible in that space and that's why i think it's like if you call that tidying your room look that's not what it is yeah that's not what that was deep cleaning and going through every item from the past three well six years even from uni and my time in london it's not tidying your room it's like so don't call it something shit it's like if you want to call say you need to um

eat a healthy meal you can call it eat a healthy meal or you can call it nourishing your body yeah like trying like oh my god i'm finally gonna try that thing that i saw on tiktok i'm finally gonna get to taste you're gonna cook yeah that's so fun yeah i think as well like and i think what's interesting about the reset conversation no airpods airpods we're still hanging on with one it's all right i can keep us down or whatever it's called. We're hanging on with one. Fuck. It's alright. I can keep going. We're 16 mins in. Do you reckon it can last the rest of this one? Yeah. Okay. 16? I'm 20 mins in. I'm 16. You're 16 in this bit. That's fine. This take. What do you mean this take? We've done three takes. Or did you delete the old ones? Yeah. Oh. What? The one of us talking about nails? not nails but when we were like we did one at the beginning that was like hey we've been filming that's all gone oh shit i thought they were gone i'm so sorry no no it's okay i was just thinking about the beginning because we say like oh we've been filming and we've been putting tiktoks up so you would have seen that okay that's fine that's fine do we have a good enough start do you think think? I don't know. Oh God. I just deleted all of the ones that were kind of me blabbering about nails.

That's fine. We just start off. So yeah, you don't really hear much from us. You just go straight in and it's like. Maybe we should redo that then. I don't think I can get it back though, can I? No, I don't think you can get it back. No.

It will be all right. Sorry. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. Are you still recording now? Yeah, yeah, this is still going. I got this good good stuff i just deleted all the all the good stuff don't worry this is gonna go again

um right where did i leave that what did i say i think what's interesting about this conversation is the idea of like desiring a reset like craving a fresh start and a blank slate and like that clean feeling is i think for me anyway for me personally is so often always actually like accompanied by the feeling of being overwhelmed and stressed and like everything is buried on top of me like it's actually like the whole reset conversation is kind of like the tip of the iceberg of like the bigger conversation of like you've got a lot of shit on your plate right now. Yeah. And it's hard to deal with.

And you're just craving almost like some godly figure, some fairy pod mother to come in and like whisk it all away and take it away so you don't have to deal with it. Because you, I think as well, sometimes the reset is like, do you want to spend all day, for example, like cleaning? Or do you want someone to come in and like take all your problems away? I know I'd rather. You probably do want someone someone to come in and like take all your problems away i know i'd rather you probably do want someone just to come in and scoop exactly like and now you are in yeah um the kind of perfect optimized space and that's why doing it and making it fun is like the only way through because i think for me personally when i'm thinking about like i want to reset blah blah blah what i'm thinking is how can i get further and further away from my problems like i just want to like wipe the slate clean and just like have a fresh life and just like oh just

be free free of the mind is it quite similar to burnout then in a certain way like does a reset only really happen when you it's all like um sort of mounted on top of each other and it's like okay everything has um built to this point where now i need to kind of wipe the slate clean to function yeah like would are you ever craving a reset when things are good not really not really i guess it comes from an overwhelm yeah yeah i think it comes because i'm hardly like kind of love island like this is really great but i feel like it could be better like i'm happy but i can't be happier my head could be turned i don't think i'm ever like oh i'm loving my life and i could do with a reset and i want to uh reset it it's almost like no

that only goes when you're um failing in the game yeah when your tamagotchi is dying that's when you reset it you don't reset it when it's fucking get me back to factory settings it's like i just want to be wiped clean it's like oh i'm dirty i'm defiled yeah i think it gets to that point i think it's um i think it's a cumulative thing of like things have been going bad for a while yeah yeah and then it's like oh i need to like scrub the deck yeah like i need to like um basically write a list of like the things kind of your sims bars of like my social bar is really low yeah my boredom bar was really low whatever like i need a wee like let's really um go back to basics like that is that only really happens to me when i feel like i'm lost in the bullshit and it's like right okay

i need to bring it back to like your environment is terrible you haven't seen your friends like all of that shit yeah that only happens when it's bad yeah and when you haven't been taking care of yourself yeah yeah should we look at some of the messages yeah i've got some saved ready to go yeah let's do them um let me actually ask you before we kind of dig in to messages i would love to know if there's anything beyond the room something like always metaphysical like something in your emotions or your relationships or your behaviors that you feel like you've let go of or you need to let go of or has kind of been cleaned out from your vibe oh okay let me actually take a moment with that yeah have a little ponder let me do an alfie

days cue the orchestra yeah a deep a deep mile. Let me take my sweet time. He didn't just whip out of nowhere. He thought about that. He thought long and hard. Yeah. And it paid off. Mine's going to be underwhelming. I actually don't know what, I think.

Something that I need to or have already let go of. Like, does that bring up any things for you? Because we had some... Look. Yeah, go. Oh, sorry. No. It brings up the same thing it always brings up for me.

It brings up fucking body image and who saw that coming it's hardly the alfie days moment we needed but in a way it goes to the mothers the women of the world in a way i'm sending it to you let the bells ring let the bells ring but i think there's so much of like internalized like body pressure and like shit that i have let go of over the years like actually when i look at my progress i have let go of so much but there is still so much more that i want to like shed like so much bullshit i still carry around of like needing to look a certain way like being fixated with bodies and my body and all things like that and i do think all the

time like literally all the time i'm thinking of what um I need to let go beyond therapy how have you been letting go um I think a huge part of it is growing up and like being around people that don't have the same fixations as me like just widening my circle and like learning more about different sort of kinds of people and how people live but also oh i don't know i think i've just really made it my mission like it really is my mission number one mission in this life really is to get rid of that shit for me like i really don't have any um like i've got loads of goals and shit but my main thing that like i feel like is my main thing that i want to like overcome is that like i feel like that is the barrier to my happiness in so many ways and that is the thing that i can see and i can look it in the eyes and it's like that's the thing that's ruining things that's what i need to get rid of and that's been clear for so long

yeah i think in that sense it's like making peace with like this is an issue that i'm working on rather than like this is a truth that i have to live with like that just change in perspective of the situation of like this isn't something that i um i'm just dealing with every day the reality of not looking how i want to look it's like no it's not like that it's i know what the issue is yeah i'm gonna work on it it's in your head and i think that i mean if body image is something that you struggle with, which I'm sure, I'm literally sure that it is if you're listening to this as a woman. If you're not, then just steer clear of these conversations

and just like live in happiness. Don't let this seep into you. But I, well, if you do though, let this seep. I think one of the things that has been like monumental in my sort of, I guess, kind of recovery from body dysmorphia, but I'm nowhere near recovered, is learning the difference between like there being an issue with how you look and there being an issue with your mind, essentially. That was the most like mind exploding plot twist thing. Yeah. the most like mind exploding plot twist thing yeah to realize that it's like and in the kind of therapy world they call it theory a and theory b that's like you're living in theory a is when

the problem is with your body and all of that and then the theory b is like switching to be like there's a problem with my perception of my body and those are like so monumentally different that it took it's taken me years to even grasp that as a concept yeah like because you're so fixed in the theory a mindset so that's been huge but i think i i think i understand it now i think that has been probably the biggest thing in that whole yeah journey so far really is that is actually understand like clicking that there's a huge difference between there being a problem with your body or problem with your mind and that's everything yeah crazy kind of links back to our three days as well the idea of like the conversation that you are avoiding like the idea that you're avoiding is actually the one

that you need to have because when you're able to like acknowledge it and really look into it you can see it isn't for example a body issue it's a mind issue and we can work on it rather than are there something wrong with my with the way i ask you a question yeah of course in terms of alfre day saying that like is there like what is the thing then that you're putting off that you need to like if you yeah in his way let me say that again yeah alfred says there's something that you're putting off do it now what are you putting off um i think i'm in a good spot where i feel like i'm not putting much off like i feel like i'm in a good phase of caring

i feel like when you go through like a long period of feeling really shit it becomes almost like redundant like i just don't care to do anything i don't care to like do something to be nice to myself like it all just becomes bollocks at that point um and i feel like i'm living in the antithesis of that at the moment like i feel like i really from feeling really low down have really kind of bounced into like an all-time high that i wasn't it's kind of unprecedented times i'm living in yeah um the new normal it really is that i feel like i'm sure i'm gonna kind of come down and find some level of like balance at the moment i'm definitely feeling oh my god like the more balanced than ever before but I feel like because

my my crux of my being at the moment is just like I'm just just so happy and grateful that I don't feel bad that it just it makes any good feeling so much better like I just feel yeah I've just had such a good year yeah like I just feel so good and like i feel very grateful and very like and even beyond grateful i'm like oh and i deserve it i'm like even better yeah not just am i like really like in a good spot but it's like yeah because you deserve that good spot like as you should because there's a part of me that wants to like undermine it and especially undermine it to make other people feel more comfortable but then i'm like no i really but who would be feeling um i i completely get the thing of like comparison is a huge thing yeah like not even i do i really do like just the vibes

like people don't want girls to like themselves no they definitely and even if it's not intentional it can be completely subconscious but it's like a lot of people don't want to see a girl be happy but i think it's that people don't want to see a girl be happy. But I think it's that people don't want to see, it's almost like you can be happy, but within the realm of being controlled. I think what people don't want women to have is confidence and freedom. Like happiness is something they can deal with

because they do not like girls being sad. They don't like girls being sad unless it manifests into insecurity and then money. I think they love seeing girls be sad because it's just like it's cute and it's silly and it's funny and it's just relatable and like do you know what i mean and it's i can't live here but you know i think i think it's fine for girls to be i think it's more so like when a girl is happy and she knows she's happy and she knows she deserves it it's almost like well what can you say to her then nothing do you know what i mean like you can't argue with that it's like because that's rooted

in self-worth exactly knowing that you desire you deserve it you're not you're not paying your way into the patriarchy's pocket no and you can't shake me if you know that you're worth something more than anything i know that i'm like a good person i'm worthy of like nice good things and i've been through enough shit to warrant feeling really happy yeah i feel happy like i just and then you can't be like yeah i can't you can't say anything to me like i've as long as nice like i'm a good girl like you literally can't say anything to me like i'm very confident in who i am but i don't know if there's a part of that that probably just comes with like age like i'm not like a 19 year old spring chicken anymore like maybe it's just like you're in your 20s you're learning like you're

just i guess coming to a point of acceptance of who you are i would hope there's a part of it that's just like almost biological like human nature to just have no choice but to submit like i hold my hands up i have to just like myself a little bit just to survive i definitely do feel that i think i can see that with kind of most people in the like age actually does change stuff like time actually does make such a difference which is really weird and also really sad i think as well like because you always hear kind of old women being like you're never more confident than basically once you've been through the old women being like you're never more confident than basically once you've been through the menopause like you've never been more confident

than when you're like 75 like your husband's dead and it's like right okay now it's my life now it's time to have fun now that i need it and i don't care what people think about me yeah and like old women are so outrageous and all this i just i actually find it really sad like i'm glad that yeah we get what 20 years at the end of our lives to be confident but i find it fucking pathetic and sad that that's what we've come to as a society that we allow old women that fun and that's when women feel good when they're free of the male gaze but like i do think it is a huge part of it that growing out of um that just basically the naivety of you yeah does actually come with some confidence definitely which is nice to get some but i find it fucking sad that they don't get it

because that's when it's most fun to have it well i think as well there are a lot of really um sad old ladies locked in abusive marriages and like miserable boy you know what i mean like the sadness never ends for a woman really that cheers you up maybe yeah until your husband dies yeah even then wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh canadian dairy it's also refreshingly cheap, just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

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Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I was going to say something else. I can't remember. Oh, what? You might have gone.

Hello? Oh, no, no, you didn't. You didn't. I was just whispering. You were just mouthing. Got it, got it. I think as well... Oh, shit, I've lost it again.

I think it's also the thing that as you get older, you experience more. I have more points of reference for confidence now. The older I get, the more, thankfully, that I do. say the thing that as you get older you experience more like i have more points of reference for confidence now like the older i get the more thankfully that i do and like put myself into new situations and like have good things in my life thankfully it's panned out in a way that like the more experiences that you learn from or are proud of hopefully that impacts your like

sense of self and your identity like my identity is like even now it's like oh i'm someone with a podcast who gets to speak to my favorite demographic ever young women yeah i should be so lucky like how could that not impact me like i've been able to do something really special and we get to have so much fun doing it how could that not impact my sense of self it definitely does it does and it feeds back even to like feeling shit for a long time it's like well i still like got a degree or like i finished my a levels like that is a testament to myself and who i was and i made it through and i'm like having a level of like celebration in yourself of like the things that

you've been able to go through or like that was a shit time and i made it out or like i can feel myself in a shit time now and i'm making it through having some degree of like appreciation for the struggles that you've faced and the achievements that you've made is really important in shaping who you are because kind of leading into the body image stuff often our perception of ourselves is so warped by like the shit that we tell ourselves every day and when that starts to weigh down on you it it just flashes out oftentimes what is the truth which is like you're not that bad you're actually all right like you've done some really cool things you've made it through some really hard shit yeah but you can extend that into everything like it doesn't even have to be specifically body image but that is an an example when you, I don't know, when you just Google some people that have

struggled with body image issues and you'll realise it's a fucking scam. Because it's, like, some of the most beautiful people on Earth. Seth and Wayne. Dot, dot, dot. Literally. Are you kidding? You can fill in the gaps. God.

That would be so rude. But it's, like, literally mental. I don't want to put words in your mouth, guys, but. I think, like, Audrey hepburn marilyn monroe have been like very well documented as like really struggling with their appearance like come on but like you can use it in everything that it's like your opinion of your life and your opinion of just everything that's happened to you as humans we love to put things into a story we love to be like um even the concept of reset that it's like oh so everything's gone shit right now

and i need to reset it and then i can launch into my new era i'm in my um this new phase of my life it's like we're obsessed with narrative and like boxing things in yeah so you naturally throughout your life will have been like accumulating things that fit within your story of like um i'm in a flop era right now like you will have just been filling in the gaps to try and make that as um sort of easy to digest as possible um so your opinion really limitations of like oh i could never do that yeah yeah so your perception is kind of everything but bullshit at the same time like you need it like everything is your perception but i think it is also your advantage it's quite crucial to understand that it is so subjective like you can have the exact same day and i can sometimes feel in in my day

the potential to perceive it as horrific or amazing like it could just be a day where i don't know you go meet a friend you go get some coffee you go for a run you read a bit of your book you can either view that as amazing like god what an amazing day or you can view it as oh my god what a shit day and it literally does matter like it does genuinely just depend on your mood like on it does what have you eaten how well did you sleep is your room a shit tip like it kind of depends on like um quite basic things and just like where are where's your period like really um where is your period where is your period come on where is your period because you're crying and i know where's your period cycles are crazy like i'm i'm learning

some shit about periods recently we're gonna do an episode on periods because i've actually got definitely so much to say we've got things to say just about like um how women are fucked over with like menstrual products blah blah blah um which also like i wanted to say thank you so much for all the pmdd messages and stuff i'm still receiving um i'm i'm welcome i'm welcoming them with open arms thank you so much um and I wanted to say thank you. This was like the other day where we were going to record. I wanted to just like,

I was like, oh, I'll quickly say thank you at the beginning and like give a list of like the things that people have said. But then I was like, no, we should do a full dedicated episode because it's fucking important. I would honestly do like a series. Series?

Period. I would do a documentary. I would happily do. I would do a feature film. A hundred percent. No, I really would. I would do a documentary i would happily do i would do a feature film 100 no i really would do a film on it like maybe we should we should do a film on it okay any film companies out there want to help us make a film i mean maybe we could start our own yeah guys we've spent like this morning we went in and out of like oh honestly like today struggle can we just like have a moment right now it's been a today has been the story i'm telling myself today has been a flop so like we it's actually been the

most fun i'm feeling it's feeling amazing but just to tell the story the narrative of the day we started at 11 we were like right okay we're gonna do three or four episodes we didn't start recording by the moment we hit record it was fucking one i don't know how the hell we spoke for two hours pretty simple although we still don't know the answer apparently so literally everyone else but us everyone else seems to know but we and like not a big deal confused what should we be we're so silly i don't understand um don't worry about it though it's under control guys don't be worrying everyone's on it we're all okay we're all okay and then we just paused the episode halfway through because wings airports died and in that time we did this weird manifestation for about half an hour we had a fake conversation about us in a year's time which i mean like i love the looks our stylist just

i love that we get tacos i loved our bahamas trip that was amazing like we're going insane it was great and then halfway through i was like i've just charged my airpods for that whole thing and then put them back in and wasted half an hour of their battery just talking about the bahamas absolutely ridiculous but the story i think there's still like there are a lot of things for example even the day that you were talking about earlier you were like you know i woke up i saw my friend i went for coffee i read my book there's a version of that day where you say oh my god i didn't get any of the stuff on my list done i wanted to have a big clear out and i didn't oh i needed to get that work done and i

didn't oh my god it was so weird when i met my friend like it was so awkward like this happened and i said i made that mistake and i did this oh you have the other side which is like i had such a nice fucking day yeah and i deserved it 100 this is why bottom line perception really like i think it's one of the biggest things i've actually learned in recent years that perception really is so much of like your enjoyment in your life like you know the phrase it's an old old phrase it's like comparison is the thief of joy so the comparison is so true joy is it's kind of a tongue twister actually it's a riddle this fat thrush flew through the thorny oh i haven't heard that you heard that i thought you were gonna go she sells seashells on the seashore quite good yeah

actually yeah you are. I didn't know the other one, though. What did you say something about a fat thrush? This fat thrush flew through the thorny thicket. Is that a known thing? What is that about? Is that a bird? Yeah, yeah.

Thrush is a bird. Because it's giving. Thrush. Vaginal health. Yeah, no, no. This thrush flew through. It's giving vagina. That's like, this fat thrush.

I was like, Jesus, Sophie. Pull it together. Oh, my God um that is what my grandma always says that's like her time like if she was to do like a tongue twister she would do this like um i think it's like a thing but i've only ever really had my family say it yes it's good it's a good one um comparison is the thief of joy you said yeah and i also think it's like actually i was thinking about it i was like i actually don't think comparison on its own is the thief of joy just right he's been um he's been framed he's actually not the thief of joy he's innocent but like yeah it's less catchy i give it to him but like negative perception is also the thief of joy kind of like self negative perception is also the thief of joy.

Right. Kind of like self-critique is the thief of joy. Yes. Like there are many thieves in these woods. We should let comparison get off unscathed. It's not just comparison's fault here. Comparison's a main player in the misery. Maybe he had good reason.

But like I actually really love the phrase of just like the thief of joy because it's like actually. Right. This that thief flew through. Everything is a thief of joy when you let it. right this that thing everything flew through joy when you let it yeah yeah is the interesting bit i think this is always on my making cup of tea this morning well the other day maybe yeah it's like the idea that the joy always exists the joy is there but there are things that come out and like take it from you like you can find the joy in every

moment really you don't need to be thriving having fun you don't need to be on a roller coaster to be feeling joy it could literally be looking out of your window at a tree like you could suddenly fit be overwhelmed by the feeling of joy but the things that like steal that joy like there are some fucking thieves out here comparison is one of them you can be like my tree isn't not as nice everyone else's like everyone else got best trees or like it's raining blah blah blah but you can also have just like um self-hatred come in and ruin that moment you could have like a few things just like come in and just like steal that joy from you but i really like the idea that it's like the joy is just always sitting there it's just about tuning into it and like perceiving

that joy and like choosing to see it i love that that's really nice the joy never goes away that's a really good one i don't know where you've been hiding i was just thinking it i love that that's really nice the joy never goes away that's a really good one i don't know where you've been hiding i was just thinking i was just thinking is it is it all comparison it just came no no yeah and is there joy here that always that actually usually is you can't just have to see it i can make a joke out of anything like obviously there are bad we can be there are bad things in this world obviously i'm just talking about the average day it's like look you but between two friends there's joy there there really is there there is lightness in everything there has to be there has to be humor in most things definitely i think that's why that going back to

what you're saying about perception is like it's so important because there's not really much fighting it like there's not many things i know that put up a fight as good as perception like we're quite stubborn in that sense of like no i am too ugly to wear that or like no i am like not good enough to do like we're very strong that's in our unwavering self-hatred that's what i mean by making that shift between like understanding what theory a and theory b is whatever these terms are actually understanding like intellectualizing and like um or like moving beyond the understood like academic understanding and actually like feeling it was probably the biggest moment in that whole journey that i'm still on still on that train two two yeah um all aboard i yeah still going um that's been such a huge thing because it's all a

matter of perception and you can flip it between the two when you're feeling the oh the problems with my body the problems with my body taking that moment you're so you're so lost in the perception of like that being true it's so convincing that that's true when you actually take the moment to be like i'm just gonna try and live in theory i'm gonna try and live in the perception that it's in my mind rather than in my body it's actually like miraculous i was gonna say insane to see that it's like there is such a huge difference in those things and one means you can get on with your day and one means you're like distraught it's huge i think to wrap yeah my reset advice would be like depending on what you can manage and i'm gonna

be assumptions enough to assume if you're listening to this you have access to my biggest thing is a hot shower oh my god it's just like even the water on your skin honestly there is something transportive yeah there's something that takes you to another dimension a hot shower hot shower beautiful that's what i want for you just yeah wash it all off and i think showers as well tying into like mental health and stuff can be something for a lot of people that there's like a huge level of pressure on like i can't get in the shower it's okay it's okay give yourself time and give yourself like almost um the validation of like even if i can't stomach it right now i am someone who deserves yeah the care and pleasure and luxury that comes with a hot shower you deserve that even if you can't give it to yourself yet you deserve it and you're gonna get there do you know what i would almost

like my little like menu for you like reset menu of like what is my ultimate reset is like yeah get outside whatever you do just get outside like just move those feet start walking somewhere move those feet yeah start walking yeah when you come home hot shower stunning get in that shower hot as can be hot hot shower wash your hair wash your goddamn hair feels so nice you'll thank yourself for it later then it's big bowl of pasta times then it's pasta it's got to be might do pasta and that is just and then i would for me and then it's like right finish it all off finish it all off you do have to do some yoga literally two minutes five minutes whatever you can do all right just literally get into a downward dog and you'll feel so much better move your body a bit and that's my maybe not after the bottle of

pasta you'll throw up but that night before you get into bed just like oh divine oh wow and you're reset i feel quite reset you're recalibrated ready for a new day perfect let's go if you don't hear from us assume the worst