Goes Without Saying - Making Mistakes! Fucking Up! (and coming back for more)

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on rejection & ego, learning from our mistakes, and accepting ourselves at our worst. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go. Take one. Take one. I nearly said hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Um, okay so this is gonna be quite a sort of soft energy one by the sounds of it. I hope so. But I'm- that wouldn't go mis for me. Same. It would be nice. Before we get into it. Yeah, go on. We haven't had a chance to speak about the fact that we went to Wagamama's- Oh my god. We went to an event last night. How excruciating considering these are coming out every day. I know. We're recording this the day after we got back from Wagamama's but it's like they were

hearing about Wagamama's like six days ago now. I know but like it's on my mind. It's on my mind. And we haven't properly debriefed. Like what were your thoughts? My thoughts were delicious. Oh could we also say about the chef? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about the chef.

So I was really laughing last night when you were like, I don't know if you want me to say this, but you were like, hypothetically, how would one go about finding that chef on Instagram? I just wanted to have a look. And I said, hypothetically, I would look through. I just wanted to refresh my memory, you know? Yeah, well I have one photo that his arms are in. Jesus Christ. Which I have revisited a couple of times, I admit. It was just quite... poor Freya was also like, we came away from it, like, God he was hot.

And then Freya was like, God I thought we were just having a nice conversation and we were like, if we weren't. I was like, why are we actually dogs? Like I was like, we're literally like, like panting little dogs. It's because I love being in a room where we're gonna discuss a man after. And I love being in a room with you where I'm thinking, wonder if she's reading this. Oh, I know, I was picking it up. Yeah, and you're picking up what was getting put down there.

I was picking up what he was putting down. Yeah, and we were also saying, love to be in an event with a man at work. Just a man in his field. I love to see a man at work. I think I'm be an event with a man at work. Just a man in his field. I love to see a man at work. I think I'm actually deprived from seeing a man at work. Well, this is why we always have a bit of a weird thing when we go into like the ACAS studio. We go into our recording studio. And that's why I love The Office. It's like, as in The Office HBO.

Yeah. I don't know if it's on HBO as in The Office HBO. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's on HBO. I like to, what is it on? I feel like it was on like- Like Comedy Central. Yeah, but it's that American, it's an American channel, but I don't know what it's, I hope it's off to print.

The Office, you know of it. Oh, but that is kind of annoying now. Yeah. I do kind of want to get it, but I won't. It's on like, it's an American Channel It's like it's like a CBS. It's like a oh, it just annoys me, but it doesn't it really doesn't matter It doesn't matter. It doesn't but it is still in the back of my mind Let's move. Let's move away. Let's move. Okay

It's why Jim Halpert so yes like this is why sometimes you just need to see a man It's why Jim Halpert's so hot. Yes it is. This is why sometimes you just need to see a man. You do, every once in a while. That's what we saw at Wagon Mothers. Yeah, and I just love, yeah, I love to be anywhere with you where I think, oh, it's kind of Sims 2, you have chemistry. It's like you're both attracted to each other.

Like I, everywhere I go with you, I kind of, I've always, I'm always scouting, you know, to have a fun convo really. Thanks so much. Do you know what I mean? I agree. Well not even, I just love to have a convo of like, in terms of taking it.

Oh, is it after? Yeah, I love to have the after situation of like, I know then, if we encounter any man ever, we will then go and have like a 20 minute conversation about like, was the hair too long? Is it because he's a sanic? You know,? You know, da da da da da. What is that? Does he remind us of anyone? Like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And do you know who he was reminding us of? Kami. He was. Well, chef. Yes, chef. It's impossible not to. Yeah. There was big time Kami. He was taller than Kami, which is dangerous. Yeah. I know. He also just said the words, I was struggling to choose some spices

from my jar. That was one of the activities. We made our own like, it was like a chilli oil. Yeah. And thank you so much to Wagamama for having us. Thank you so much. It's not sponsored. It's just really important conversation. But thank you for the sort of spicy jar that we made. Thank you so much. And I was struggling and I was like, can you do it for me to the guy? That was a stress. And he said, well, I am a professional chef. And I thought, I like that, that you said that.

It's important to acknowledge, yeah, it's like, well, you are a professional chef. And then he really was professionally chefing. Like he was sniffing the jar a lot and like. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, there was a lot going on. He was confident, like, picking up the spoon and stuff. It was like, yeah, okay, you are, yeah. And he made a delicious jar for me.

Yeah, I'm excited to see your oil when it becomes an oil. Yeah, I'm excited to see my oil as well. I also, when we got to that thing, we were like, should we do this? He was like, are you guys gonna make an oil? And we all kind of looked at each other like, are we, are we? And then I was like, Sefi, it is kind of your brand. Maybe we should in terms of the oil

Yeah, olive oil, yeah extra virgin olive oil I must be specific. Yeah, you're a bit of an oil And I really love it I literally absolutely think extra virgin olive oil is the best thing on the fucking planet. deliciosa. mad max deliciosa. yeah literally. okay. so carmy aside. carmy aside. yeah i just wanted to quickly bring that up. well it is essential.

it was just i just needed to- and the food was great. that was also my main thing was just like those drinks that I was having really good. The atmosphere was great They could have turned the music down slightly Just because I don't have it made it clear we like to talk in Yeah, and I really especially when we've got Freya. It's like I want to exactly I want to hear every word She has to say and like I know that we You and I will go on and on and on So yeah wouldn't go miss turning down the music a little bit I just need to be we even had to leave

I was like would anyone be opposed to leaving honestly just to go sit somewhere quiet Also, we didn't buy a drink in that no because, we just sat on their chairs for ages and then left. outside they couldn't see us. it was an all by one so it's not like oh no some poor kind of... yeah do you know what i mean? it wasn't like oh this one guy family owned business and we took up this bit. no no no it really was not that. no. all right. fucking up. part of life. guarantee it will happen. yeah. you have the Cephean wind guarantee. You do fuck up and also that's okay It is okay. It's shit, but it's okay Yeah, and yeah, it is actually okay to be upset about it as well to be like I'm annoyed that I just fucked up That's also okay. It's really difficult though to navigate that feeling of because there's so much shame in that I think

When you feel like you've fucked up it's really hard to like admit I think, even to yourself, that like you now feel a bit sad or like a bit embarrassed about the fact that you've failed at something, being rejected, whatever, da da da da. Rejection's a different one. That's like, oh, almost, you know when I see people talking about, I've had a lot of conversations in my time about this, I know we've spoken about it on the podcast as well, when someone gets rejected by someone they're not interested in, and they're like, why am I, I shouldn't care, I don't even like them, like, I don't even care, like, why am I upset that they were the one that got to reject me? And a huge part of that is, I mean, that is your ego talking, like, that is what is going on,

you're upset that you didn't get to be the one to do the rejecting or like, you know, but I also think it is fair enough to be sort of like mildly upset by that and be like, oh my god, that is just sort of, to have upset by that and be like oh my god that is just sort of to have the moment of being like oh that's fucking it's a bit shit gutting you know it's still a rejection it triggers all those rejection feelings in you like it's horrible yeah but then i do think it's also really important to check in those moments like take the moment of like yeah that's really not ideal annoying and now I feel a bit shit about myself and then also come back to yourself and realise it's like you aren't interested in that person

it doesn't matter like all of that. yeah I think that's the the thing with rejection is it's so important to like give yourself however much time you need to actually allow yourself to yeah be upset or to feel a bit shit That's so human and actually really necessary Hmm, but then also yeah, it's like but no That that doesn't you're not valued now at like the words of the last person who rejected Yeah, oh god. That's horrible. Yeah,, almost like you're not valued at the last judgement that was made of you. Bit of feedback you had. Yeah.

Oh god. That's horrible. It's a common thing that people say in work, that you're only as valuable as your last project, for example. Oh my god, I've never heard that before. Yeah, you're only as good as our last episode. Totally, which is so untrue. Well yeah, it's like the last episode wasn't very good.

Sorry. It's just that it actually is nonsense. I get the kind of why people say that, but I really actually think I disagree with that. I totally disagree, of course. It doesn't allow for the nuance in the full story. And also it calls into question, what does it even mean to be,

what is your value as a human being anyway? And is that something changing? Generally, I would say no. Like you are inherently valuable and valued on this earth. And you don't need to jump through any hoops to prove that, at least not with a little old Cephean wing. It's like, we are big fans and always here for the reminder of like you're doing probably too much, you're actually doing the most. You're doing more than enough. You are really exactly where you need to be.

Everything you're doing, you're on it and you're so hard on yourself that you're wasting your own time in like not giving yourself enough credit, generally the only thing that comes from that is making your life a little bit more miserable. You're still doing fine. There's no need to stress. It doesn't change it. It's kind of the old mantra, I come to this day with nothing to prove. With nothing to prove! I don't know about you guys but I wake up and think, oh, better prove myself. It's horrible. Horrible way to live. And why have I done that?

It's not good. It's a horrible feeling I think. Just generally feeling not good enough to exist. Literally just inadequate. It's really, really horrible. And it's really important. And it's not true. And the age old mantra, I give myself, what is it? Everything I want to desire from others, I give to myself.

I give to myself now. That's quite crazy actually when you say it. They're too much, one of these things. But it is true of like, if you are feeling really shit, I hope there are loads of people in your life that will be almost counteracting all of the bias that's going on inside your mind and making you feel really loved and telling you. But also, don't forget that you have a responsibility

as well to yourself to give that to yourself. And like having the acceptance of like, I'm going to be a bit shit sometimes, I'm gonna not do as well as I want to sometimes, or I'm going to get rejected and that isn't on me. I think that's also a really important bit of like we talk about sort of oh yeah like self-love self-acceptance but it's like but why can you only love and accept the best version of yourself or like the one that is doing after you've proven yourself yeah I can accept myself at the top after I've got the promotion

and that when I'm at my best and I yeah You know, I'm at my best rather than why can't you love and accept yourself after you've just made a mistake and just like yeah, essentially upset someone or Yeah made a mistake fucked up forgot your homework. Whatever. It's like what that bit actually is probably the bit Like whatever the fucking thing. Yeah, yeah Fucked up in your presentation whatever that's probably the bit that needs that love and acceptance it's like yeah it's easy well easier to accept yourself when you have done it all right what about when

you've done it all wrong yeah that's the bit that is actually um i don't know that's the bit that's hard and i think that's the bit that really needs that attention. It is. It's actually really hard and it's... I'm seeing... there's a conversation happening at the moment around something. I'm... it's gonna go unnamed. I'm not gonna get specific, but I'll use just this small thing. Which is flawed in itself. Like it raises questions in itself, but it is also an interesting point of... I think it's a useful thought in a tangible sense for like people. Something happened to this girl when she was younger. Yeah. And only now that she's a bit older she like, hang on that's- Oh yeah. Yeah. She's like- We're talking about Tanner. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, that's really fucked up and like, I'm fine but if I-

and she says, if I had a sister or if I, if my friend or whatever, if that happened to her when she was 17 like I'd kill sort of thing. And I think sometimes it's not ideal that it requires us, that we only have empathy, we only can almost like see the, we only have respect for someone when it isn't us. Like it's like, we only care about the situation when we pretend that it's happening to a sister that doesn't exist or something.

And so having to, but I also think it's a testament to how we have to step outside of ourselves to look in on the situation and think, what do I think of that? If I take myself out of it, and if I take my self-deprecating tendency out of it, and my desire to undermine my situation, and to just be like, everything's fine, everything's fine,

my feelings don't matter. If I take that out of it, what would I say? Yeah, I'd say the situation is fucked up, and I don't like it. Or like, what would I say? Yeah, I'd say the situation is fucked up and I don't like it. Or like, I would say, yeah, she is valid and valued, this human person. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, stepping outside of yourself, really impossible,

especially when you feel like shit, because everything in you is just being like, shut up, you little bitch, stupid little cunt sort of thing. But I do think that's the key in so many situations is getting outside of your own head and seeing the reality of, it's like, what are you probably like a fucking 23 year old girl somewhere, probably, like I was laughing the other day

in the episode when we were like, I literally thought to myself, when we were at uni, I was like, oh, you know, it's probably never gonna happen. Like haven't done anything. I remember I was like oh you know it's probably never gonna happen like haven't done anything I remember literally thinking like you know probably nothing will come from my life like if it hasn't happened now then it's over and it's literally like 22. But then I think it's crazy like the way that we would speak about ourselves now we're still so young like it's such a weird and also and I feel so young and Like it's such a weird and also-

And I feel so young. And I think we have the awareness of being able to come out of our heads and zoom out and be like, oh, I'm in my twenties. And like, even if I'm in my fifties, I'm a human being on this planet and I'm just here figuring out having fun. That have trying your hardest to hold on to that kind of awareness

Is really difficult, but it's crucial does always yeah It feels like a life hack when you get to access that when you can get that that mood of being like wait I'm just here to have fun or like none of this matters. I'm like I am okay Oh my god for that like half an hour you're thriving matters. I'm like, I am okay. Oh my god, for that like half an hour, you're thriving. Totally. I kind of have two things, I think. So the first thing when you're talking about like someone, brackets, Tanner, being able to be like, oh yeah, what if I could imagine that happening to my little sister that doesn't exist, then I can see that that was wrong. I feel like often it can be easy to think of like your childhood self as like deserving and worthy.

It's like, okay, I can picture myself as a child that's like that thing is like purely innocent and like I can see that there's worth there and that person like is a child and like they're perfect. Connecting the dots that that is still you. You, yeah. Sometimes I will visualize my younger self and be like, oh my God, just like have so much love for her. But getting the connection that I am still that person is, and feeling that same feeling, that's the bit that's so tricky.

I feel like we have such a like... Dissonance. Yeah, with like, that's still you. Yeah, it is really hard. And it's also the classic thing of then, also I think we have the tendency to think about situations that happen to us as literally children and project our like adult mind onto that child

and kind of you, you have no, you have, there's no escaping the mind that you have now. You can't remember what it was like to be in year four and learn about fucking. The Vikings. The Vikings, for example. And now you just know that information. But at a time you didn't.

And so much of being a child is like in that purity and perfection and naivety. And I think then when you see children, it's really confronting, it's like, oh, you're a child. And that means I was a child as well, yeah. And that means all those things that I expected of myself when I was 15 was maybe redundant because I was 15. Totally, like I feel like that is the weirdest thing.

And I can't remember the second thing I was gonna say. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, what was the other one? I can't remember, but it doesn't matter. Maybe just give it a sec, because I would love it. No, I think it's gone, but that's fine. Okay, well it will come back in another, I'm sure. Yeah, oh, well they always do come back. Okay, yeah, they're persistent, our thoughts.

They are persistent thoughts. We will make them known. Yeah. All right, that's nice. Have you all feeling good, guys. Yeah. You've got love in this corner of the world. There's love going around.

Yeah, there's love going around. There's an abundance, in fact. Just running around. All right. Summer. Summer. Summer. Summer. Summer.