Goes Without Saying - men are trash: the dating podcast you deserved

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

our last ever episode?? we're going out with a bang and spilling all the tea in this steamy episode. we asked you for your dating f*ck ups and you came through with your scrappy dappy doo stories. turns out we're all living the same life! we've all been dating the same shitty men, so we're breaking up with bad dates and men who continue to give us the bear minimum. #dumphim2020 is still going strong!! speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Hey guys and welcome back. This is the last episode of the season. I'm Sefi, I'm with Wing. We're once again, we're chatting, chatting, chatting chatting chatting we're chattering it through i feel sad that it's the last step me too i'm also buzzed though we've got a good episode planned yeah a good show lined up i'm becoming stephen mulhern as we speak i can feel myself morphing into itv too but this is a good one you guys came in with like dating stories dating fuck-ups we get quite personal i talk about some fucking fuck-ups i've had in the past yeah stay tuned for some of stephy's very very interesting tea that's about to be spilled dating dilemmas yeah and if you are any of the people included in the stories um no you weren't you got it wrong you messed up it's

not about you if you know a similar life and you see this no you didn't last episode last episode of the season which i am so excited for and terrified for yeah i'm kind of i'm kind of quaking in my boots i'm shook i'm excited though i feel like we need a break boy do we exhaust edoed yeah absolutely knackering need every week having to come in with like thoughts is just i'm so excited to have no thoughts honestly like get this costume off me turn the mic off get me off the stage i'm no performer although we are though yeah we do nail it it's funny quite often we would be like a week out for this after an episode like fucking hell like i hope you guys are having fun because we're not no i'm joking i mean it's great but i think we've come to quite a good point with it where we we are good with it now but for so long we were yeah time of my life

especially during like quarantine when it was i mean at the height of stress fuck knows when we were figuring out how we were going to record in isolation which we still are by the way and i think also it was we were like coming to terms with being with having people message us and it's like oh god like there's people here but now i mean i think we're sailing through we're ready i'm so ready to come back and we haven't even left yet the more the merrier this is a fun episode today as well yeah i'm really excited to get into it you as always are all living the same life we say every week i think you've all been kind of fucking about with the same boys to be honest there's like maybe a selection of five different

men that you've all been passing around to each other because you all have the same experiences the same load of scrappy dappy do's they're bugging you all should we get into it yeah let's do it so we did a question box saying we want to hear your dating fuck ups because boy, we want to hear. And we're going to roast you, I think. Are we going to roast them? Yeah, it's time for being roasted. It feels a bit harsh. I don't really like the word roast.

I know. Fun fact, months ago, I was like, we should do something with roast. I quite like the idea of we roast people, we roast topics. It's being roasted. Love the vibe. We're full michael

scott but sephie's too vegan to handle it i don't love the word roast it's a bit like well now i don't yeah to be honest it's a bit meaty it's a bit it's like there's gravy on something that's so neat and perfect and aesthetic our lovely podcast we've got the word roast on it yeah it's fair it's fair i'm not into it a roast is my favorite meal it's probably my worst meal because every throughout my life of everyone is always trying to give me fucking nut roast it's like yeah vegans don't like nut roasts no that's just what fucking they sell at sainsbury's vegans don't like nut roast never have never will times are changing times are changing times are changing times are changing

oh i thought this was funny i let a hot narcissist convince me to live together after two months quit his job immediately after i was like is that me i'm your hot narcissist i'm gonna come and spongebob with you i love these okay this one's pretty fucked up now let's save that one for a bit oh okay i mean that to be honest they're all pretty fucked up but here we, let's save that one for a bit. Oh, okay. I mean, to be honest, they're all pretty fucked up, but here we go. Let's do this one. Okay, so this person said, my ex once told me

he wasn't in the top 1%, but he was in the top 0.01%. It's Elon Musk. Fucking entitled rich boys. I don't give a fuck about your dad's money, money, money signs. X, Y, X, Y, X, Y, X, Y, X, Y. But for real, his dad would give him money just for going on dates.

And I was like, great. I'm not in the top 0.1%. I shouldn't have to pay. This boy would get mad about paying, which I could have done. His dad just gave him the money. Can you imagine? What the hell? What the hell?

This one, to be fair, I don't think anyone else has had a go with this guy this is a very specific isolated incident this is crazy so wait what he's getting paid to go on dates he's an entrepreneur he's a businessman this is a business he's got a full business plan he's pitching this to dragon's den he's a freelancer yeah and he probably does actually call himself a freelancer that is amazing so wait so she was going on dates with him and then he was paying. Sorry, that's not the crazy bit. Already I'm like, what? Get back into the 21st century.

You're like, wait, she went on a date with this man before marriage? Please tell me they did not sleep together. This is crazy. But wait, so then he was paying with his dad's money. His dad would, what what give him pocket money date pocket money yeah from the top also not the top one percent point zero one point zero one i don't really know decimals but that seems very tiny wait was it point one no it was point zero one jesus christ forgive me if we're wrong but that's smaller than point one right yeah yeah

defo that's embarrassing that we don't know what death no we don't yeah we do we do we do i do i'm putting on an act i'm enhancing my ambivalence towards maths for the sake of comedy same same wing wing god that's fucking insane what the hell she needs to i'm hoping this ended i fucking hope so imagine she i missed the last message box it says and now we're married don't you hate it that boys think they're like like also don't you hate the fact that he would have thought that he's doing her a favor like don't worry i've got this covered like acting so suave and it's like please so i used to work in a cocktail bar i was the waitress the little

you know the little girl that would come out with the little trays and i would drop them all let people go with like 100 pound tabs i was fucking awful and it was like a cocktail bar in like a very small town that people kind of thought they're a bit suave if they went there suave is bad but it's actually just above a pub it yeah it's weird weird vibes it's kind of like orange leather and it's like not it's not good but so the men in there would quite like to have a bit of like a james bond act on i'm gonna be sick yeah prepared to be sick they would quite like it if their drink was like waiting or you knew that their order they would quite like it if it was already prepared and then they would like pay on their little like amex or whatever and it's i think there's something funny about men especially

if there are women there and i think there's something funny about men on dates trying to be james bond oh it's like you don't have to do that you don't have to you have to be so flashy it's not impressive and it's embarrassing if a cocktail bar rather pub knows your drink yeah it's warning signs that's red flags alarm bells are ringing ultimate red flag there that's awful but i think that's funny because you you know what this guy on the top zero one percent decimal point guy you know what he's like he's a hundred percent ordering the most lavish things on the menu he's a hundred percent like being rude to the staff like you know and he thinks you're lucky yeah can you imagine what the sex was like? Don't. Don't. Can you imagine? Don't. I can imagine, but I don't want to. Top 0.111 recurring boys do not. Honestly, he probably has a servant have sex for him and then feedback on what it was like.

And he just has a wang thinking about it because he only kind of, he doesn't trust anyone else with his penis. He doesn't trust the peasantry with his dick. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Oh my God, that is ridiculous. Gross. doesn't trust anyone else with his um penis doesn't trust the peasantry with his dick absolutely not absolutely not oh my god that is ridiculous gross it's also quite um slumflower would tear you a new one over that yeah if you're not following the slumflower i mean we can't even talk about how much we love the slumflower go and follow her on instagram because i mean she has an amazing thing

about i don't know it's an interest she has a whole interesting thing about men paying on days men paying for you in general. Her argument is basically that men should like compensate women for all the shit that they have to deal with in the world. So she would never... Reparations. Yeah. For example, you have to get an Uber to the date so you don't get raped on the way there.

And you might still get raped in the Uber. Yeah. You've had to put on makeup and do your hair and buy a nice outfit because of societal beauty standards. And why on earth then should you split the bill? why does your quality come in there i think it's interesting don't know if i yeah live by it but i think it's a very interesting and very important i don't know lifestyle 100 i remember the first time well the first like this is ages ago we shared something of hers i can't i literally have no idea shared something hers onto the story

someone messaged us you might be here you might be listening right now being like uh i think slumflower is pretty controversial she is and that's why we love her yeah like if you're polarized in the opposite to us over the slumflower i don't know what you think of us you must think we're insane i think people i want to do people think we're insane yeah but they're here for the ride anyway daddy's gone mad hasn't he there we go 10 minutes in honestly daddy's gone mad he went mad a long time ago so in terms of funny dating stories dating fuck-ups i was actually talking to someone on hinge recently and she was saying that she went on a date with a guy and she it was kind of a thing of like we're're kind of exchanging like dating fuck up stories.

We're kind of running a podcast. You were kind of preparing for the pod. Honestly, I was running by some ideas. Is this why the season's ending? I'm getting replaced. You found a new co-host. I'm bringing in this new girl. No, definitely not.

Because I have to justify. Please leave that in. Sefi doesn't really understand like sarcasm. Like, and it's, it's honestly quite affirming because if I say something sarcastically, you will always just make sure that I am okay. It's like, I didn't mean it. I wasn't worried, but I'm glad that you confirmed that for me.

I kind of like send you a message, wing, I would never, you are irreplaceable. Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. I'm grateful grateful to gratefulness we always do a mantra before and we didn't do it today oh well should we do it now should we do it on on pod we've never done that before okay so we do a thing before the episodes where we talk about what we're grateful for it's actually quite sickening but it's kind of if you if you're about to go live on air essentially it's kind of like i need to actually feel a bit grounded especially in lockdown when we're kind of in our bedrooms like what the hell is going on yeah go on you start what you're grateful for i'm grateful for today's fit today's costume

sponsored by warner brothers i'm wearing my i I'm wearing Harry's jumper that if you haven't listened, Harry Potter's jumper, by the way, when I say Harry, not Harry Styles, not Prince Harry, not someone I actually know, Harry Potter. If you haven't heard the last episode, or even if you have, you might still be confused. I'm kind of dying over Harry Potter these days. Yeah, stunning. You used to wear it in the library and I used to think, yeah, that's a cool look. Yeah, I used to wear it. Like I haven't worn it in ages. I i don't i think i convinced myself that it wasn't cool but it actually looks like i mean it was expensive but it looks like a really cool expensive jumper but if you know you know which to be honest i mean it's not a small franchise probably most people know small franchise is a little hidden

well-known a little hidden film it's a really underground indie up and coming probably haven't heard of it it's called of harry potter what are you grateful for well today i was actually writing this in my journal and quite embarrassing i was like great i've already said this to you today grateful for my earrings so lame grateful for my hoop earrings because for a very i always think i do this with we're doing like a gratitude practice i always put a fucking negative spin on it and i said grateful for my hoop earrings because i haven't broken and i haven't had to repurchase is what i wrote and i wrote and i won't have to repurchase i crossed that out saying well you don't know the future you haven't yet had to repurchase don't get ahead of yourself don't get too cocky don't

get greedy yeah so i'm grateful for my earrings which is embarrassing stunning but i truly am because i wear them every single day of my life what a coincidence because i spent i mean i hate to say we're working on something and boy have i been working spent hours um and it involved me staring quite intently for a long period of time at seffy's exact earrings which is quite funny it is funny i think we're all dying we're gonna how funny how funny she looked at some earrings our reviews are gonna go through the roof love the bit about the earrings guys loki that's where it's actually really funny i know my debt my dating story back on track back in the room back on track so her date her embarrassing dating fuck up was that she

face planted into a pizza on a first date with a guy that she'd fancied for like three years or something quite bad i thought she face planted into a pizza what to be funny no she was doing a bit she's like i'm not like other girls smash straight into the it was a comedy act comedy routine he loved it she's like quick dye my hair blue i'm not like other girls whole pepperoni down her throat yeah no it's because she smoked weed like for the first time in ages or something and he oh no and she was sitting there you know that feeling when you just feel sick like either you've drunk too much or whatever and you're just like i'm gonna fucking bomb you'll get me out of here yeah and you're sat there with a big fucking margarita pizza in front of you and it's just like i either have to be sick or i'm going asleep in the pizza and she chose the latter

fuck i know face plant in a pizza and then she said they dated for like two years after so it went well quite a bonding experience i guess well he probably thought she's not like other girls bingo i'm in yeah no other girls don't do that she doesn't know how cool she is yeah she's beautiful but not in an obvious way oh my god i was listening to this fucking i was do you ever listen to this american life no never it's a podcast and it's a podcast it's very famous podcast you can tell like who wanted to do a podcast out of us i literally don't listen to a single podcast not even my own and sophie has a whole repertoire and loves our own i love i love us it's in the top three of ones i listen to i was listening to my this american life which i've never listened to

and there was this fucking story it was really well written and it was really amazing but i hated it um because i didn't i loved it it gave me shivers but it was about this guy being in love with this woman and he was saying like at one point she said do you think i'm fat and it took me off guard caught me off guard because i didn't think she would think about things like that and it's like what oh my god it's just like oh my god she acts not insecure for you she acts like she's a patriarchy just washes over her it's like why did you put that in a story and then that story gets like read back on this american life oh i hate that it was amongst a really good story but i was on a walk and it did actually stop me in my tracks and i thought oh sorry sorry white man what did you just say oh my god i didn't think she would care about things like that in a way of like i thought you were better than that just i thought she was

not like other girls i thought she was above that i thought she just didn't care about weight but she clearly is but he still loved her and like blah blah blah oh well, blah. Oh, well, isn't she lucky? Thank fuck. He still loves her. What a lucky gal. And there was, oh my God, there was a bit that was like, she would be talking and it would just be like feeding me. Like I would be taking her energy. And it's really like, oh, this guy's a rapist.

Put your dick away. Oh. Yeah, it's insane. But it was a really, really stunning story. But you can just look you can see the misogyny come through in every bit everything everything that is created out of privilege it's just like you didn't even think the fact that a woman has diet culture rubbing off on her is like oh she is like other girls but she was still she still had eyes that sparkle like

it's just like it's funny i was saying to sephie actually before we started recording that i would find it hard to miss much media that was made by a man because largely what about this is serving me to be honest yeah well we were talking about quentin tarantino because i just have word vomit for quentin tarantino not clearly he used to be my king i used to have a cat named after him we've been through this and we were saying that i he basically did an interview that was like i think i've done my bit for feminism by with kill bill by including uma thurman with such an empowering female character and i used to kind of spout that off when i was like 15 like i think he's actually done his bit for feminism because he created a female character that's so empowering but it's like how in how on earth is that your bit for feminism he's like i've only said the n-word 12 times so i've actually

done my bit for black lives matter i've done my bit yeah but it's like how have you done your bit you literally just wanted to see a fit woman doing fucking jujitsu how on earth are you doing your bit for feminism mate the bar is so low yeah the bar is so low you've included a woman in your film she's been the main character in your film once and you've gone i've done my bit i've done my bit but in every other film women are being raped and murdered i'm just seeing her bum hole maybe not her bum hole yeah i'm just i'm just seeing her feet yeah yeah i'm literally just seeing her feet at every turn yeah that's your bit for feminism check yourself yeah oh yeah my embarrassing my not not dating fuck up maybe i won't tell that i'd love to know i did say to you i have a weird dating yeah yeah you said i've got just the thing i've got just the thing

and i said i can't wait go on erin said we're gonna let's do it on dating fuck ups and i said huh i've got just the one because i just had this whole conversation on hinge so i was going on a date and i was i'd literally walked out of the door and i got a message from this person they were like oh my friend uh has just had a breakup do you mind if she's with us and i was like okay that's weird do you remember this i do yeah it's coming back to me i put on a shock voice but yes i remember i think i probably did message you thinking i probably phoned you like this weird girl was gonna be there yeah so i was like okay this is fucking weird but i'll go i probably got ready i'm not gonna then stay at home yeah i'm not gonna wear this makeup to watch harry potter

no you never know who you might see you might see draco watching harry potter dress up for draco hashtag dress up for draco it's a new movement so i got there and both of the the girl and then the girl i was on a date with looked very similar didn't really know which one was which to start off with they both were kind of not gonna go into it they look the same they look the same and i didn't really know which one was which i figured it out it's kind of you lot listening to the podcast for the first five episodes you're like i can't tell which one's which yeah both got brown hair both talk the same i would love to know what they think of like how they would differentiate us i know i always think i want to put i always want

to ask you if you know who's done a story oh that's interesting well like if we're typing on the story i would love to know if you think you can tell who it is i would say if it looks super aesthetic it's you yeah but if it's kind of got loads of spelling mistakes and looks like it's put up in three seconds it's me yeah that's true erin would spend kind of 10 minutes doing a story mine is like five and five and ten minutes i've definitely got quicker i definitely got slower you learned the hard way it's good we're gonna find a middle ground when you were writing like dairy diaries and like oh my god this was the worst one this was the worst one when i wrote the dairy industry what the dairy industry but i wrote the diary industry which is just funny because it's like imagine the industry of diary

what is what what the hell just made me laugh your date but yeah so got there figured out who's who my one went to go buy me a drink my one my one and the girl that was the friend was like oh it was swiping through tinder she's like i might just invite this guy this weird guy to the date accompany us accompany everyone i was like okay yeah that's really fun yeah double date who knew so this guy shows up and it was just really weird it was quite fun but it was the weirdest thing ever just kind of sudden sudden double date it was actually sparks start to fly between you and the guy twist ending now he's my boyfriend it's awesome it was actually fun but it was just the weirdest i i feel like dates are so regimented and so like you know it's kind of they have a very clear beginning middle end like it's fine but this one was just like invite someone new bring in a

new guy the more the merrier i reckon it's worth saying i hope you don't mind me saying that i think this person was quite ballsy and they are from i mean they're not from england and i reckon british etiquette or even just like london dating etiquette yeah even like london dating etiquette is much more routine and like boring boring yeah not as fun and she was very ballsy and was just like my friend's coming you don't mind do you yeah and also don't mind like that is hilarious but you kind of feel like you should mind because it feels so unexpected yeah it's something that well now you've gone off script now i'm suddenly not meeting one person meeting two people that look the same it's kind of like what's happening oh we're in an improv class i had no idea i thought it was shakespeare

yeah i thought this was romeo and juliette but you're still gonna kind of poison yourself at the end of it anyway and run out of there i'm still gonna be romeo romeo where are you i'm still gonna be going off my lines so strange um but yeah so that's my dating not fuck up but a weird i don't really have any fuck ups no not on your end no no never on my end no you're an exemplary dater i would say perfect someone say but that was definitely one that i thought this isn't really how it should go it's kind of one that's gonna it's gonna be a weird story yeah and it was And it only got weirder, dare I say. Yeah. is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals

on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com To be honest... They might be listening.

Who knows? I do know their name i'm not gonna say no big time block big time block did you block them um i think i might have muted yeah i don't know if i blocked so hi if you're listening you're really nice i think you're really nice too never met you i'm sure you're great okay this is a good one i haven't read it thoroughly but it seems funny from just from honestly at first glance i've seen some keywords that i quite like the sound of so they said i was dating a boy who kept having quotes flappy episodes oh i saw this one we literally

gave them a name if he was flapping it meant he was having a freak out that it was all getting too serious fuck i didn't see that bit so i'd a freak out that it was all getting too serious fuck i didn't see that bit so i'd give reassurance that i was super chill and casual vomit face then i almost moved countries for the scrappy do and on the weekend of my job interview he got in the shower five minutes max and decided he had changed his mind about me so i flapped the fuck out of that country needed high priestess in my life i was literally dating a scrappy flappy pigeon boy i love that i never read the ending god she ties that up so beautifully at the end honestly a story she like plants some seeds throughout and

then it all comes together how horrific is that that's so horrendous i also i what i hate about that is how girls constantly having to reassure boys that they're like chill like guys no i'm chill i'm cool like no it's fine i don't want anything serious i'm one of the boys it's again not like other girls oh my god you're not like other girls it's trying to like entrap me in some relationship it's just like no i'll never hold you accountable babe don't worry about it you do whatever you want with me no absolutely take advantage of me that's absolutely fine absolutely ruined my life yeah no don't worry i have no respect for myself either it's the same thing we were speaking we were speaking about this in the porn episode of like oh my god i don't mind that you watch porn say why are you trying to convince someone that you're

fine with something that's obviously damaging your relationship yeah obviously feeding you unhealthy messaging and you're like no no it's fine of course i'm not i don't care i'm chill i and i think it's a big part of the dating etiquette as well that we spoke about of like for the kind of at the beginning you're thinking right I need to keep up this act for the foreseeable future and to be honest you probably are chill I would say most of us here are pretty chilled but chilled doesn't mean I don't respect myself and you shouldn't either yeah chill doesn't mean let someone literally walk all over you yeah I never said I was in love with you I never said I wanted a serious relationship out of you why do you think I do i'm not that keen on you either mate mate do you remember when that guy messaged me being like it

was like the long breakup message being like um i just don't want anything serious like but i'd like to still keep seeing you and it's like i'm being a cunt like i know i'm being a cunt it's like oh what is this like what is this self-pity oh so self-indulgent so selfish and it's also like i never like i never said to you i want anything serious yeah i did but i never said you never told him you made a point of not telling i was very strategic with not saying yeah so then to be like i just like i just don't it's like wait you're making it sound like i'm clinging on to you yeah no no no far from but i just find it funny that that's always the language that's like it's either like oh i just don't really know what

my head is right now i just can't give you what you want from me right now it's like great i know i'm being a dick i don't think you can give anyone what you want because you're a piece of shit well i don't want to lead you on it's like you're not honestly you couldn't lead me on if you tried it'd be in your wildest dreams it is funny language it's really bizarre it's kind of like making you the victim it's like what like we never agreed to this dynamic yeah he's like god how am i gonna let her down oh no he's in the he's in the shower flapping about how am i gonna let her down but this so this girl moved across she moved countries okay let's have some words and she

had a job interview i hope it went well i'm assuming she didn't go actually on the weekend of her job interview he got in the shower brackets five minutes max five minutes max I love the details he sings and decided that he had changed his mind about me so I flapped the fuck out of that country flap away needed the podcast in your life yes you did we all needed this in our lives we all did really we did so funny talking about moving I know of someone I'm gonna be super vague i know of someone that moved house for someone they moved across london not quite country but they moved across london for someone they were talking to on hinge do i know eat slugs oh god we'll beep that

yeah i want to find a fun way to like beep things out like almost like with a quote like do you mean like a kind of avada kedavra do know what i mean like something funny yeah that's exactly what i was gonna say eat slugs like yeah yeah maybe i'll do that because i i mean you will be confused when you hear it the first time then you'll hear this combo and it will make sense yeah but yeah so she she was talking to this guy and i think they weren't really still talking on it they obviously had moved off but there was someone she met on a dating app not that invalidates in any way but it does go some way to describe the informality of the situation or how invested they are they were like they were like talking blah blah blah seeing each other over lockdown she moved across london into a house near him

he broke up with her and she moved back and then he was like oh actually i miss you within like a week and she moved back it's like you actually need more things in your life you need to have something else yeah i was gonna say where that all went wrong wasn't her moving the second time and it wasn't her moving the first time it was her being on dating apps knowing that she had no security in herself to begin with knowing that she was ready to give everything to any old scrappy day to whoever to whoever showed up it's that thing like when you've been living in the basement for so long living in lag or when you've been living when you've been homeless the basement looks like the penthouse cupboard under the stairs yeah exactly when you're living under the cupboard under the stairs for so long dudley's second

bedroom looks like a treat looks great yeah yeah come on hedwig let's go i love that when they're like when fred and george show up in the car well go I love that when they're like when Fred and George show up in the car well you would love that wouldn't you obviously I love that bit here we go the way that Harry says that the way that he says it so Dobby's been in his room they've dropped the little cream cake all of that stuff Dobby clicks his fingers yeah vanishes into dust infuriating bad Dobby and Harry's got the bars in his window yeah oh stunning but then when they show up harry goes fred george the way he says george he goes george it's the dubbed french version but fred and george are my loves as we all know be your kings also kind of bad dobby is kind of

what that guy was doing by sending that long message. Do you know what I mean? It's so infuriating. It's like, oh my God, I'm ruining everything. I'm so sorry. I'm such a cunt. I'm just the worst. I had to iron my hands. Yeah, it's like, well, stop being like, God, you love your commiserations, don't you?

Just don't be an arsehole to me. I'm not asking for you to talk about how you're the worst person ever. You don't need to be self-deprecating. You just need to apologize and back the fuck off of my shit. That's the thing. It's like, oh, I bet you felt fucking good after sending that. You felt so good about yourself

because you called yourself a cunt in a message. Kind of someone murders someone and goes, oh, I'm such a murderer. It's like, yeah, you are. Yeah, do you think you're being really self-aware and meta right now? Do you think you're really cool? You think you're really smart?

You're still a murderer. You're still a cunt. I'm in such a fucked up place. It's it's like yeah and you want me to be there with you too no fucking way not on my stinking watch oh no you don't want me you want a vagina that's what you just want my vagina to be there in your dark dark play in your dark dark dark dungeon of house we could even take it more personal if i said that there was a south park poster on the wall well that is rock bottom no no and there wasn't even just a south park poster on the wall there was a south park poster on the wall and i said oh yeah i don't think i really know anyone from

south park and he did an impression of a character from oh god that will forever live rent free in my head as the most embarrassing thing that's horrific i think that either that is what the most embarrassing thing you can do or i want some crusher oh lovely crusher that's bad that's bad didn't he have a cardboard cutout of something a cut yeah no now it's getting really really specific if you're listening i'm really sorry i did actually really like you sorry like a lot i'm like you're dark dark place you never deserved crawl back into your whole bad dog honestly it was a cardboard cutout of conor mcgregor and do you remember when he came to our house once and he oh god there we go yeah and he wrote

we wrote but we had a big board this is really weird this shows that we were unbearable this episode honestly i mean i think this is just yeah okay so i said i don't know any dating fails turns out i do you gave us the censored version but we had this big board in our house that we'd pinned up against the wall we had everyone had to write down who was their ultimate priestess god we were it was a big old vision board why were we branding up our student house so weird i loved it personally and he wrote that his ultimate priestess was conor mcgregor you thought it was the cutest thing yeah yeah i did think it was really very endearing to be honest honestly i get it like it's sweet but also fuck you god i also was really trying to think like i was really the other day thinking like right

i need to really be way more boundaried on this podcast like i need to really and i just tear them open for you yeah i just think fuck it if you're listening look you're a great guy yeah no hard feelings absolutely none would love to see you would love to see you that has to stay in you have to leave that it's funny i was just trying to find one that because i love them all this one here makes me laugh though i literally wish i could just sit here and read them all um this one's funny my way of flirting has been twice in capitals to find the guy a job only to never go on a date lol oh my god and i just think what are we doing what are we doing lots of people are saying things like i always end up with someone who wants me to mother them yeah we're putting in so much effort

think about how hard it is to find a job it's a no it's known i would say it's a difficult thing yeah it's pretty much a known thing unemployment is a real thing and people are getting jobs for people they in this economy yeah literally in a pandemic. In a pandemic. I don't think so. I don't think so. Biggest recession we've ever seen. Whatever. But it's like you're going out of your way to find this person a job. You're falling in love with potential to start off with.

You're trying to make them this person that they will never be. Yeah. And also you're working overtime unpaid for this guy. He doesn't owe you shit. Don't do work for them thinking they're going to owe you because- You never struck a bargain. Yeah. You haven't got that in writing oh god it's so transactional i get you a job you go on a date it's like no no no that is not how it works no no no i wonder how does she have a lot of jobs to to dish out it seems two people she's the owner

of indeed.com she's a recruiter yeah she works in recruitment it's like you're not going on dates you're a headhunter you accidentally work unpaid in recruitment you're a recruitment freelancer for scrappy dappy dues no yeah it's because we're ready to give everything yeah we really are we need to give good good jobs that we need to these boys twice yeah meanwhile we're unemployed also i find that funny that that's like her move is to like get a job yeah it's like it's my thing i like get guys jobs you know what came through quite a bit there was a lot about rich boys but we've already covered that but a lot like most of these boys are rich because they've all been given amazing jobs by

you lot right so someone said and this was echoed a fair bit staying with a man who told me i was fat like as in could you imagine having the audacity to say to someone that you're dating who is i mean in my mind maybe i'm biased but very intensely you're superior and you're gonna say to them you're fat the worst thing is that they stay around and then you'll be rewarded for it yeah yeah the worst thing is then you suck their dick it's the worst thing ever had to whisper that because there's people outside you're doing a live i'm doing a live show right now live podcast episode honestly it's piccadilly circus in this house it's crazy got an audience in i really have yeah the worst bit about that is that he got away with that and he'll just do it to everyone else it's negating it's classic negating oh well should we

define that that might be new information to you should i actually find the actual definition yeah rather than just butcher it like i butcher everything else on this negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person i'm gonna say often a young man makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval i was gonna say stunning because that's kind of how i wrap up everything but it's kind of the opposite of stunning it's absolute uggs uggers uggs galore ugg boots yeah it's uggers yeah it's so common have you ever has anyone tried to ever neg you i reckon people

have tried to neg me and then they met their untimely fate that's when they met their demise i reckon girls try and neg me a fair bit yeah i've been negged a fair bit by friend and foe of the female kind yeah for sure that's so interesting i've never thought of that but yeah 100 it's like i'll try and keep you close by making you i'm gonna essentially i'm intimidated by you there's something about you that I'm jealous of. I'm gonna try and put you down so that I can keep you in my ranks versus out in the wild where you'll be my competition.

Little did you know, I'm not competing with you. I already won. I stopped playing. I signed out. I logged off. Beam me up. I'm done here. Beam me up, boy.

Beam me the fuck up out of here. Beam me up. That's where we're going once this episode is over and the podcast is done we're getting beamed up never to be seen again that sounds great doesn't it sound good beamed up to ice cream shop life laputa here i come i'm on the plane i can't wait i mean if you're letting someone call you fat i really really hope he's paying for every bit of food that you consume to keep your gorgeous body

the way that it is. It's just so unfair that men think that they, or anyone would think that they would be invited to comment on your body, let alone in kind of a sexual dynamic where there are power balances going all over the place. Hey, Wyatt. Yeah.

How on earth, what on earth are you supposed to think you're naked with someone and they say, oh yeah, fat but they still want to have it's like you're using that as a bad word like what is happening i was gonna say the messages that we've had are saying like someone called me fat over and over again blah blah blah and i i think the like unwritten information there that we we are gonna infer with our inductive reasoning or deductive reasoning is that they probably didn't say you are fat but they placed a lot of are you gonna eat that yeah you sure you wanna eat that yeah i'm like oh you're you're wearing that whilst looking at kind of your arms or kind of oh my god your friends are so fit oh ouch yeah i know ouch ouch ouch just tiny little

things like that yeah your friend's got a great body just planting the seeds enough for you to just pick it all up internalize it carry that on your back for the rest of the rest of your days yeah and these things go places let's all just be way more fucking careful with who we literally spend our time with and who we let in as i say as i literally let thousands of you in to my most intimate relationships. But I also think it's about giving yourself the room to not be that chilled person and like come back kind of two hours later or a couple of days later when you've realized that that date a couple of days ago was nice, but something about it made you feel funny and you couldn't figure out what it was. And it was because they made you feel fat. Allow yourself that space to be like, actually,

I don't think I'm going to see you again because i don't think we really get along or if you are seeing them and you like them and you want to let things off your chest be like actually you did x y and z did you mean to be a cunt because i think you're a bit of a cunt now and just let them let them kind of wriggle and writhe in their own mistake watch them squirm when the impact of their own words comes back to them and they have to explain themselves as my nan would say let them stew let them stew in her little irish accent let them stew oh put the gobshite in a pan and let them stew this is so stunning letting people stew is one of the best things you can do one of the worst

things you can do for them because the flavors just come out of nowhere gourmet honestly it's george it's just sitting on the hob george it's fred and george the thing is i here we go i also think stewing is dangerous because yeah they've got to know that they're stewing the problem is they sometimes don't know when the heat is on and you think oh my god they're stewing they're stewing but actually they're just living their best life not knowing and actually you're stewing you didn't realize that you accidentally put yourself on the hob absolutely so you've got to make sure that you've said it all and then you disappear turn on the heat turn the heat and leave it on leave that pot boiling and leave it on and then go upstairs for a bit just leave the kitchen door open season it just perfectly and walk outside

let the house burn down stunning yeah also stewing works when yeah it's not taking up your energy it's alleviating you of all of the worries and also all of the admin and the bureaucracy of of letting steering someone into an apology yeah it's like i'm gonna let you know exactly what you did and why that's not okay with me and if you come to a conclusion in yourself where you're gonna apologize great if not i'm just gonna let you stew forever imagine his name's stew i'm gonna let you stew stew yeah exactly if you're dating someone called stew please re-evaluate what's going on there he is definitely over 40 yeah people call that anymore i don't know but yeah

i think it's one of the most amazing things you can do as long as you're not kind of it's that thing of like um jealousy like only burns whoever's holding or whatever like resentment only yeah whoever's holding it so it's like you must if you're stewing if you're gonna take part in a sort of stewing ritual you must must make sure you're not the one on the hob well it almost you shouldn't be participating it should feel quite passive yeah it should be a letting go feeling it's like now that's just on you to feel that forever and then that is powerful and that is great bars i've got one this may be the last one that we do one for the road this one is crazy he cheated got her pregnant they decided to keep the baby and i stayed face palm emoji i was gonna mention this one right at the beginning

when i said oh this one's a bit dark and I thought let's reroute something a bit more chirpy because that is dark absolutely mad he got her pregnant and I stayed it's like I'm pretty sure he wasn't looking after the baby obviously we don't know the thing but it's like he just got some woman pregnant and then you say it's like this is crazy this is honestly crazy town lazy town uh yeah honestly lazy town I saw something the other day on someone's instagram story i don't know this girl but i didn't stop me messaging her so she put on her story so she's got a baby and she's been with this guy well for eight years because she's heading the story so the beginning of the story was say for example stew barrymore was his name that's his name the star of never been kissed and and many other things stew barrymore is drew barrymore's twin brother she's been with stew for eight years and she put up a

story saying full name stew barrymore you are an absolute it's so dumb oh my god i love it she was like stew barrymore you honestly it's kind of um how dare you steal your father's car energy that i'm giving right now but that was kind of what it was it said stew barrymore i can't believe you are so disgusting you're an absolute i thought i would know the person that i was having a baby with but i was wrong i don't know where she went but she and the baby went away for like a day or two and in her like and in her house he had had a party oh my god during obviously pandemic times and she found like a kind of used beauty blender and in her bed i'm kind of butchering the story but essentially no you're not this is dramatic this is her house that she pays for in her absence with her child there's like cocaine everywhere so she's fumed it's quite heartbreaking yeah massively so you messaged her

which is why i messaged her i had to message yeah i said like i was because i'm not gonna lie jack was like you should look at this girl's story my boyfriend was like you should look at this girl's story and i was like okay yeah and then as soon as I saw it, I thought I can't be another name on that list and no one's saying anything. So true. And like, we're all spectators to your misery. And I probably thought, I mean, I never watch her stories.

I never really watch anyone's stories. So I thought there's probably, that story's probably got an insane reach. Like she can, her numbers are going up more than, do you know what I mean? She's an influencer suddenly. Yeah, brands are reaching out. Yeah, she knows that people are watching her story

more than they ever have. So I just had to message and be like, I am actually really, truly sorry. And like, I hope you and the kid are okay or whatever. She's pregnant. I've got to say she's pregnant with his kid. Nice. So not only she's got a son

and is pregnant with his baby. Meanwhile, there's a used beauty blender in her bed because he's had people around his house, around her and then she so anyway coming back she put up a thing on her story which i thought was great it was like a repost where someone had said this girl had been like i've left my kid because i've met someone new and i wasn't really having fun like being that kind of settled down kind of parent life it was kind of boring me so i found this new guy and we're having loads of fun and um but actually now it's not working anymore so i'm gonna come back and like it's my right to come back to that kid because you know i'm their parent and they'll remember me and you know even though i haven't been present

they'll remember me jesus now i've traumatized them it's still my right to that human being exactly and then underneath she said of course that isn't true but i bet it made you very angry to think of a mother leaving her child for a few months then coming back when it suits them why does it not anger everyone when men do that constantly all the time and appraised for returning totally exactly oh he's really stepped up bare minimum he's really stepped up as being a good dad now that's not stepping up that's the bare minimum so well the kids it's too fucking late ambivalent attachment style has been formed so true already traumatized already gonna do that to their own kids later already fucked so i mean that's a real irl story for you but isn't it true

we really do the again the bar is so low yeah and also the bar is so high for women that if a woman even i don't know for example post a picture without her baby goes to a party it's like where's your kid then who's looking after your kid it's like what as if fuck off like as if yeah as if the dad is getting that a picture of the pub yeah absolutely as if as if men are at work being questioned about well who's got the baby then yeah you don't even notice because when a man is a parent being a parent is just a small part of who he is secondary role as soon as a woman becomes a mother that's her whole identity society says for the rest of time and also you lose your sexuality

you lose everything it's societally all of your autonomy you step out of being a sort of desirable woman with her own autonomy who is like sought after unless you're a milf or a stepmom on pornhub yeah but even then you're a fetish you're still not exactly yeah you're not respected yeah even then you're just objectified in a different way but you step out of having any other things you're you're first and foremost a mother then you are all of the things that make you a human rather than a man is first and foremost all the things that make them an individual and then they're a father then they have their duties come later oh yeah and i have a kid yeah insane so we're leaving this then so um this is the last episode of the season interesting

are you sure you want us to come back it's actually been so nice we put up the thing obviously saying like this is our last one everyone's like no you can't be going you can't go yeah someone said you cannot leave us but god knows you're gonna have to wait and see what happens i think i love how we're really but we're like you don't have to pretend to be chill and we're like who knows we might leave we don't need you guys yeah it's so true yeah just know god i mean when i say a lot is going on behind the scenes. Let's get out of here before secrets get spilled. Let's get out. Okay, we'll see you never?

Question mark. See you around, maybe. See you maybe on the street? I don't know. I'd love to. See you in the ice cream shop, guys. Yeah, meet you there. It feels quite sad to say bye.

Oh, okay, bye, bye, bye. Now we're getting beamed up.