Goes Without Saying - New Crushes Bad Brains Off The Record

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on spiralling, jacob elordi as frankenstein's creature, accidents at work that aren't your fault, birthday surprises, and bringing back crying on the pod. ✷ see more ✷ youtube @sephyandwing ✷ instagram @sephyandwing ✷ tiktok @sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk

Goes Without Saying. You're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sethi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Safi. This is, I think, a very nice comforting episode to kind of have on. When you're going about your day, you're getting ready. You need a bit of kind of comfort and company, whatever you're getting up to. It's a little bit of an update from us. We've been everywhere. We've been up to all sorts.

Some of it really fun. Some of it absolutely dire. Tears have been shed. You can look forward to that. It's, I think, a really nice, honest, chat. Enjoy. Hello. Hey.

I said hello like Marcus Butler then. I always do that. Hello. That just sort of came out. Every time I do it and I think it at myself, I should say. You're a little bit. Oh, am I a weird angle. To the left to the left.

Yeah, beautiful. Marcus Butler, can we quickly talk about, oh, you didn't see that thing, the Josh Peters thing, did you? no but I know all about it obviously yeah yeah all of the comments were like really worried about Marcus Butler if you know who Marcus Butler is and you don't know what we're saying

there's a little something for you to look into sort of the British YouTube squad yeah yeah I've been quite impressing everyone recently by saying I was telling one of my housemates the other day that I have been in a horror maze with Joe Sugg and Mark Ferris and then I showed the Joe Sugg blog and I actually showed it on

I was like on just my YouTube browser which is connected to our YouTube and I thought I'll die of embarrassment if you see it in the history there's always weird stuff on there yeah yeah and I thought I'll die of embarrassment if you think I'm just like sitting there watching the Joe Sugg video reminiscing

there was something on there the other day like on the recommended and I thought there she goes again was it the Vegas nerve reset oh no it wasn't but I was happy to yeah I will I will because I watched that on my YouTube as well I thought oh god it's so embarrassing

all this stuff okay well I'll find it then on our history yeah um do you want to take us away with your concussion oh my god but I am so much better like now you are it almost feels like well I was just just before I was like where did we leave off so the last time yeah that was the last time we recorded getting a bit meta now

that was the last time we recorded so that's technically the most recent thing but the last up was the friendship one, which we recorded like a long old time ago because we were pre-recording. We have since spunked our bank of pre-recorded episodes. And now we're back rolling. We're on the same timeline now. But we will catch back up, I think.

We will. Because it's worked really well. Yeah, it was essential. You got concussed. It was like, perfect. No need to worry. Did I get concussed? So, had an accident at work in the workplace.

Yeah. And, like, fully I was, like, knocked out, like, passed out on the floor, under some stairs. Kind of, it's been very dramatic. But, like, kind of in, oh, God, what's your face? I was going to say, can I say that you text me saying, I just woke up in a bull, but you spelled it wrong. She said, I just woke up in a vol, V-A-L-L.

And that was, like, the first message that I saw from her, and I was like, what the fuck? Saffi needs to go to. Anyway. Also, this is so classic as well. So like I'd been at work for like 40 minutes like I'd literally barely been there and this thing just happened straight away. And I first my first impulse was I'll just keep on working like I just was like down in the basement on my own. I just kept putting like stock away.

And then like when I was there I messaged wing being like I just fell like I just woke up in a vault. Yeah. Yeah. Which was a really weird moment. But then I'm so grateful for you because. I was like, oh, I'm just going to like, have you told anyone? I was like, no. I said straight away, you need to go to the hospital and you were like, really?

Yeah, and I'm so glad because I clearly wasn't in my right mind. Well, I said straight away to my boyfriend, Seffy's just had an accident at work and woken up in a vault and hit her head and he said straight away, she needs to go to the hospital and check that out. And then we spoke about, me and him spoke about it. And I was like, we were talking about it. He was like, you know how I knew that? Because in football, if you hit head injury, you get sent out.

off immediately. You can't play anymore. So he remembers that from back in the day, like, people playing football. You can't play anymore. You got a head injury. Do you know what? He's so right because I felt like, oh, I can, I thought it was going to be sick. Like it was honestly the one of the, it was the most like, I was in a lot of like physical pain. And then I was like, went upstairs to my boss. I was like crying. It was so embarrassing. Like, you were obviously in shock. Yeah. No, I was definitely in shock. You were fully in shock. Came back home and it was just like went to A&E with my housemate. It was so nice. Well, nice of them to come, but horrible times. central of them to come in my opinion so nice but then that was all fine then a few days later they

were like you need to basically they were like come back if your headache gets worse or if your eyes are dilated different sizes was like the thing they said and I was like yeah cool whatever that's not going to happen a few days later I was like oh my head is really like really hurting and I went downstairs and one of my housemates who I hadn't mentioned that I think was just like your eyes are different sizes. and I was like, I need to go now. I need to go to hospital. And they did some brain scans on me.

And thank God it was fine. There was a scary moment when they thought I had an enlarged vein in my head, which wasn't very nice. It's supposed to be that, yeah. So that it pumped this stuff through my veins to see if the fluid would pass through my veins. And it did. Great. And yeah, so it was all good, thank God.

But it's just literally been like a long time in bed, like not doing anything. yeah oh yeah same yeah we've been living the same life you're not so much in common yeah um i was really worried about you but i was trying to like the the problem is with you it's hard to yeah yeah convey love without you feeling like you're being pitied yeah i know yeah and i was terrified that you were going to get annoyed with me so i would never i would never i kept well i kept being like make sure someone's with you and like don't fall asleep and like all of this stuff scary person I must be I wouldn't be friends

of someone that I'm scared to say like make sure you have people around you know I mean scared is like I just watch my words with you I don't want to lay it on too much of like but I was really really worried about you and there were times and I kept wanting to like basically I knew

oh god well there was oh no I can't say but she sent me one message I won't say specifically what it was but she said something something with like a less than three heart. Something something heart and I saw it and I was looking and I was like that's not me. That's not my selfie. That is not.

I don't really do that. It was not right. I thought she needs to go to hospital she's not in her right mind. It was really weird but then I was really worried about you because you were like not like I was just you know no thank you. It's like honestly I do

owe you potentially God I don't know if it's my life but I owe you a lot and generally I owe you but like the fact that I was like basically like completely in denial yeah just almost like that I was mainly concerned with how embarrassing it was rather than like the actual situation yeah and it was it was nice and like basically you made it so it was not an option that I like couldn't no yeah would just continue or whatever yeah the thing that I've still got which must be so frustrating or might be quite frustrating as a listener not ideal for a podcast is like the main

symptom I have recurring is that my sentence is like get muddled up. Like I keep saying things backwards and just words are just not quite bad. It's very Yoda. No, I'm so Yoda at the moment. It's actually so embarrassing. Or sometimes like it's just, it's not quite what I mean.

Yeah, yeah. That's fair enough. I didn't really mean to say that. God. It's really hung on, hey. Yeah. And like lights, I'm seeing a lot of floating light stuff still so I need to go to an eye test. That's good. And also just, what's, fucking annoying is that in my lessons at uni

people will be having a conversation that to be honest is not that like it's um we're workshopping a piece like it's not um it's like you know it's a conversation I should be able to keep up with and I'm sitting there like what that fuck is being disgusted? Really interesting that you can feel the difference

yeah I can definitely I'm definitely a lot dumber than I used to be right now hopefully it comes back you're like that guy Finneus Gage was that his name? Who's that? The guy who hit his head in like a railroad accident and then his whole personality change in like the Victorian era I've probably got his name wrong something gauge I think phineas gauge I don't know no but like the thing was he he was like this lovely guy apparently this I don't know what I'm saying here lovely guy hit his head on a railroad incident and like the thing went through his brain or something and it hit it affected his brain so

much that he became like a really horrible person his whole life was became very different I think he like had a wife and stuff and he really messings up in that arena. And that's the tale of Phineas Gave. Phineas Gage. Is that his name? That name is that? It sounds like his name. It sounds like her name, doesn't it?

That was what I kept thinking with you. It's not, my personality, thank God, is not different. Untouched, yeah, the most valuable thing. I can feel like, um, like reading, when I'm like reading something that's kind of hard, it's like a strain. or like focusing on conversation is fine it's just like the written words on a page I'm just like what about TV TV's okay but I can't look at bright lines right so it has to be something dark TV's like to be honest like TV on a laptop no which has been good for my maiden Chelsea habits

because it's had to take a bit of the back seat but films because I'm in my DVD era because I have a DVD player and no HDMI chord Fair enough. I've been good for DVDs because that's like on a TV it's like you know it's not fast-paced

usually it's just like you're watching a film and that's it what DVDs have you been watching boy I'm about to hit my 100th film of the year I've been watching everything Anything

stand out? Do you know what I re-watched recently because I bought my DVDs back from home and I watched the film Little Miss Sunshine which was my favorite film when I was younger

had completely like sort of so weird i was literally thinking about that film earlier i i genuinely think it's perfect i think it's my number one favorite film now which is what i used to say that and then i forgot i stopped saying it yeah now i'm back on it as it's my number one favorite film lovely that's nice number one favorite film is crazy i think it's the best film ever made now i might rewatch it and get back to you it's perfect steve can probably say the same so so perfect insane like and also i think if you have a dysfunction family which we'll put our hands up there's two hands up already uh-huh you have a quite dysfunctional family it's a really beautiful film to watch like it really it makes you just feel like and it's all

okay you know it's like there's all a mess and it's all okay yeah it's really i think an important film to watch it is it is a perfect film how have you been anyway oh like so terrible but what's new i will say like people were very nice in the, because this is our first episode that isn't a spooky episode, whatever. This is the first episode that wasn't the random one that we did on dating horror stories, which people really did love. Yes, that's music to my ears. Yeah, we hear you loud and clear.

So I guess we'll keep those coming. Yeah. But yeah, we haven't recorded normally since we like came back after our break. Yeah. And people were so nice and I kind of wanted to like really be like, you were so nice and I saw it. and thank you. And a few people were like, thanks for, like, not waiting for it to be over before you talk about it and stuff.

Like, thanks for... Yeah, and I thought that's really fucking nice. And, like... Oh, God, guys, it's... I... I... No, I honestly... I've already cried earlier before we started recording.

I'd rather not, but that's where I'm at. It's really not good. It's horrible. It's hell on earth. Yeah. so what's new with you guys there's no way around it like it is no no and also there is a light though there's a lie at the end of the fucking better be there is there's there's there's a new hope there's yeah no there is there is second star was my friend there is there is a new hope to be found

um because i've started new medication yesterday and then i sent like a quite fast-paced voice notes said me yesterday i was like oh my do you know what you made a great joke saying you were grandpa joe that was what it felt like I was like well I took my first dose of that new medication a few hours ago and it looks like it's taken because I was on some sort of rampage like I just had a burst of energy and I used it by talking to you

which is like all I do I ate it up great I thought it was good but I did think as always put it on two times speed but then I did think you know I thought it would probably be quite a welcome break from the usual like bleakness that I'm giving out

also I don't need a break from that like I actually I fucking do I do but I also I want more of it in a way like I just want you to be able to be whenever basically it's so excruciating and why did I bring this up because oh we were saying the other day yeah how am I and new medication a new hope and also the thing that I keep thinking is when I said to you about it feels like I'm on a operate it feels like I'm on like an operating table yeah operating table I said that's so weird I feel like I'm on an operating table and I've woken up and people are like cutting into my organs and I can like feel everything but they I can't I can't

I can't I can't like I'm paralyzed but not numb like I can feel everything and no one's doing it as an image is like every day because often like you're trying to, I feel like, convey the feeling almost. And you saying that was really one of the things where I was like, oh, okay, like that is not really survivable feeling. Like that is not really, like you can't live like that. I can't live like. Having the guts out in the open.

No, and like the desperate to like scream and like seeing everything around you and almost like you're on an operating table in a room full of all of your friends and family and like all the things you want to do and like everything's around you. but you can't access it because you're paralyzed on this table and you're in so much pain and i also was saying it's kind of like and you can do nice things like go for a walk and that's like covering your eyes or like speak to a friend it's like covering your ears so you don't have to hear like the sound of the drill or whatever but you're still in so much fucking excruciating pain it's it's honestly killing me yeah it's killing me slowly um yeah yeah

this is why there's a new hope. There is a new hope. And also, it just is, it's fucking awful. Like, there's actually not really any words for it.

It's just fucking awful. But here I am talking about it while I'm still in it because... Which I do think is the key because otherwise the alternative is... My whole life is on pause and stuff. Yeah, no, you can't be shut down like that. Which also, like, this is a rare occasion where I can speak

and it's like, I can... It's almost like the thing of, like, not being able to focus on words and stuff like that. the majority of the time is like my brain isn't functioning as it as a as it would if it was healthy yeah which means that everything suffers so yeah yeah like like i can record in a not a great mood i've done it many times i can record like struggling with not that no but like i can record when i'm struggling with depression but then there are moments where or phases and there have been this year where like it's on another i'm i'm it's like i'm physically not here i think it's like it's just

it's more than what we thought it's more than what we ever knew something yeah else you know yeah so we'll see we'll see what happens but my fingers are so crossed oh my god they're so cross and also like i do have so much hope for this one i don't know if i'm just like a naive idiot but like i do just have so much no i do as well well i fought tooth and nails that the phrase? I fought so hard for it. Phineas Cage. I'm just like throwing out tooth and nails.

Is that real? Is anything I'm saying real? But I thought really hard to like, it's been a whole thing. I've been on a whole journey with it. And like, even like, I should I say this to you? My boyfriend was like calling up the GP,

like being like, you have to do something. Yeah. Like, da-da-da. And like, yeah, anyway. It's just, it's been a whole thing. It's been a whole thing. fucking thing. Yeah.

And I kind of do want to like, I mean, I need to kind of own it. Yeah. Because at the moment, it's so, it's all of me. Yeah. And also in other periods of my life, it's just still so much of me. Like, there is no me without that. There's always kind of like a film through which I'm seeing life. Like, it's always kind of an overlay between me and the world and like a part of who I am.

At the moment, it's so. it's all of who I am it feels like like so much of who I am so I need to be able to kind of when I was saying in the first episode back about like I want to protect myself but not in a way that like I want to shut up and hide I want to um just like be myself and it's like right now I'm someone who's like really really mentally unwell yeah um and I think that's important for me it feels better to like live like that accepting that publicly on a podcast And then also like I, it's just, it actually is the most isolating thing. Yeah.

Oh, God, wing. No, literally. I'm so sorry. I wish I could just like get to you through this fucking screen right now. Sorry. No, no, no. I'm so, I'm literally so sorry there isn't like a fucking emergency fucking get me the screen button. Don't know what I'd do when I'd even got there, to be honest. I'm so sorry.

No, it's, like, I don't know. I think that's the thing as well. It's like, I can be on here and it's like, we're speaking. Yeah. And I'm saying it's really bad or whatever. And it's kind of like, okay, like, yeah, she probably is really not doing well. But like, it's really bad. Yeah. Should we stop? No, no. I'm going to come back. No, but let's like actually like take a minute. No, no, no, let's take a minute, but like, I'm fine. Yeah, okay. I don't want to stop.

I'll be annoyed. No, but it's, um, no, and also like, this is part of it. I'm just so, fucking sorry that you feel like this. It's actually just, like, it's not fucking fair. It's actually not fair. Yeah. Like, I wish there was something I could do. Same.

Sorry. No, no, no, no. It's fine. No, I think that's like. No, no, no, please don't stop. Please don't. Well, I'm actually, you can't. I can't even stop.

I can't even stop. I can't even stop. I can't even stop. I can't even. Don't fucking leave. Don't fucking get the gun to your head. Don't leave. I'm the one with the pause button.

We're just there. It's like, no. It's fine. It's fine. And like, I'm happy to, you know, it's like, I don't fucking care about, like, not crying on the podcast. It's what it is. No, it's not that.

It's just horrible. Um, to feel it almost. Yeah, but I also feel like that's what's happening. So it's like then sometimes what, I have like an emotional moment where you can physically see the tears and like it comes out.

But it's like that, I feel no more emotional than I have this whole time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If that makes sense. But yeah, what I was trying to say is it's just very isolating. And at the moment I'm really like,

I don't know anyone who is mentally ill like this apart from people I've related to, which is different. And it's like, thanks guys for this fucking disease. Yeah. Yeah, so it's really hard to like... It's just fucking hard. It's fucking hard to deal with.

It's pissing me off, to be honest. The whole thing is that it just all happens, first of all, completely in the dark. And it is an isolating thing. Yeah. Yeah, what even is the support that's available? None. As you, I don't know, we were saying before about like the huge fucking waiting lists that are just... You can't even get help for yourself, let alone support.

They're literally deadly. they're literally deadly i had a conversation with my gp who like was quite oh it's difficult because they're obviously their hands are tied like they're at the mercy of like whatever resources they have in front of them but he was kind of struggling and my therapist was like there were a lot of kind of letters going back and forth where they were trying to kind of usurp something that you have to wait for basically to get assessments and things like that um and i wanted it so badly because the medication that I'm currently on was kind of um like blocked behind that assessment um and like it's it's it's just it's just yeah it's it's crazy it's waiting list and it's like medical professionals

knowing that there's an answer and not being able to offer it to you and and and yeah i had a conversation with him where he was basically like they a response had come back from the assessment team which was like we need more suicide attempts on the record to bump it up. And I was kind of like, it's a crazy invitation. It's a crazy like. What a thing to say. Yeah. It's really crazy.

Like it really is, I said this to you at the time, but it's really, in my concussion, I was watching a lot of documentaries about stalkers. And it was like, there was one of the classic things is like, they can't do anything until they've tried to kill you. It's like, so what we're waiting. for it to happen the crisis before we can kick in in retrospect but we know that crisis

is a threat of being why is there no preemptive measures available actually fucking psychotic it's really crazy I'm so sorry no I'm sorry that I'm like coming in like whatever but this is my truth

I'm living my truth and like also being the truth is like also being the truth is like there's like there's nothing to say other than this is fucking shit there should be space for it and all of the stuff

and like I just don't want I hate you feeling bad that is like basically I know I'm sorry that I can't come in and like do you know what it is it's like I just want to fix it but there is not a thing I can do well you are you are being

very supportive and all of that it's not even that it's just almost like but yeah it would be nice if we could just like we identify a problem got some. Yeah. That's what I need. Anywho.

But there is hope. This is the thing. There is. There is a new hope. No, no. There is. There is a new hope. And like I also, it just, yeah, I feel fulfilled in a sense that it's like we can have this conversation.

I know. Even over the years, like there have been so many people who message us all the time with like, you know, God knows what going on. Yeah. And it is kind of not. I was speaking to my therapist about it because we were talking about like, obviously people in my life. everyone has like things going on with their mental health but in this specific way I don't know anyone in my life who has just lost like six months to yeah this um and that is like I don't want that for anybody but if there was someone else around it would be nice and obviously like

it's not a substitute for that but it's like I'm not necessarily going to um it's just it's just nice to have some sense of some other person in the world feeling shit. I hate hate it for you but like but we know that exists we do know that I exist it's just it would be nice if you could talk to them yeah

and like yeah I don't know it's just so difficult when you're in it but anyway yeah that's that's me that's where I'm at yeah so you're going well yeah so sorry about that but I think this is also why it was so

like as much as it's like yeah it's nice that you can be experiencing this and also talking on the podcast blah blah blah but i also think that's why it's like i'm so grateful as well and we both are so much for like the whole audience like being very good about that break and like really bearing with in this period because like there is a lot of working stuff out at the moment and like there is a lot of um yeah there's just basically so much going on like behind the scenes at the moment that I think it's just like there has just the podcast is a bit fucking weird right now basically and I think everyone can feel that and we can definitely feel that like it's just I think the last few episodes have been really good no they've been really good but I think if you and the vibes I think

have been quite good I know I definitely think the vibes are good but I think if I was a listener and I know that people are like very bought in on like the people that we've spoken to and men that come to the events and stuff and just people that message us yeah people I believe that you guys like really can tell you know the patterns of us you've been listening for a long time whatever the hell there's I think you can sense there's like a bit of a an energy at the moment of like um there's a struggle there's a struggle but I think it's testament to how much we love this thing that we're going through um it all like because it's not easy at the moment in any no way so I think it's just like I don't know just like basically thank you guys yeah thank

And thank you, Wing, for, like, even being sitting here. No, and thank you. Like, I, I, yeah. Because I kind of want nothing more than you to just, like, hang up and go to bed. No, no, no, no, it's good. It's good. No, I believe you. That's a weird thing to say, it's good.

It's fine. It's good. It's good. I should wipe the snop from my face. Sorry about that. Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything else?

No. I mean, what? we want to find something someone said or did we just want to? I don't know. I mean, we could just kind of riff. We've been riffing so far. We've been really riffing. I'm happy to riff. Okay, well, let's...

I can't believe it's November, I know that's really boring, but... You can't believe it's November? Yeah. No. I can't believe it's nearly the end of 2025. Hmm. Like, that actually is quite sickening. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.

Also, we're in the dream. bit, the dreamy few months of Wings 29 now I'm 28 of just the few months that I have... That wasn't my thing you were going to say. Just let me have yeah, yeah, you're a spring chicken.

Before I have to be like, okay I'm 29. You're a baby. Yeah. Also, I'm extremely excited for something wing. Oh my God. Oh my God. I think I know what it is as well. I think you know what it is. Don't say it right now. Don't say it. Don't say it.

I won't, I won't. Basically, Wing message me literally like in like January of the year. Yeah. Like January 2025 earlier on in the year. Now it's no better. Yeah, it was really, like, what are you doing on the 27th December? On her birthday. And I was like, as always, nothing.

So I'm so excited when it's like planned a whole thing. Yeah. So something's happened that's made you think you know what it is. Well, I've just seen something emerge. I'm not going to say, I'm not going to say. Because also, I don't know if it is this because obviously I'll be sick. I'll be sick of a sign or whatever. it is. Okay. Okay, so maybe you are on the right track then. Maybe you're not, maybe you're not. I know, because I don't want to get your hopes up, but. I have like a thing about presents in general. Like, we're not even presents. A surprise. Yeah. I feel sick to my stomach of excitement. Like,

I literally feel like a child on Christmas that can't sleep. Like, I'm like, even now the adrenaline is like becoming almost unbearable. I'm really excited. I don't know what to do about it. I think it will be really fun. I can't fucking wait. Okay. So you saw something. and you thought, hmm. I saw something. Don't say it. I'm not going to say anything, but I saw a thing and I was like,

that could be it because you said to me, you said to me, you'll start seeing, things will start, you'll start seeing it. You're going to guess soon. Yeah. And I've just seen a thing.

Well, Harry, do you know what it could be? That's what I thought. I thought I can't believe you didn't know about it. Yeah, I think it's it. Okay. I think it's it. Okay, but it might not.

be like so just in case well I'm really excited for it anyway I'll be sick it will be fun regardless like whatever it is it will be I know what it's going to whatever it is it will be fun we'll just have a fun time also stakes are low on my birthday like we can just have a fun thing like my plans otherwise are have an argument walk around dog everyone so yeah this is often what happens. I wake up and say like, oh, hi, everyone. And then people will say to me, just my family very, I call my mom the birthday Grinch. Like, she, look, she doesn't like it, but there's nowhere around it. But she's often liked me, like, if I literally say like, oh, it's any cake, any cake for me, you know, something was anything, you know, like that plan? She'll sometimes be like, you're just

asking too much. It's like, maybe I am. But now she, she knows that it, that I, that I, that I would love a cake now. I would love a cake now. Yeah. She would also be upset by that. Like, she does, I get presents and nice things. I just think there was a bit of a... There have been some who-hars.

There's definitely a resistance to have fun in my family, I think. Fair enough. Fair enough. You bring the fun. Yeah. I have also been working on something for your birthday. Oh, yeah. It's much less of a fun thing than that.

No, no. It's going to be a great moment, but like it's very much like, I've been, it's work in progress. Am I going to be, am I scared? No. Am I embarrassed? No. Why? I don't know.

Because you just say it's going to be a great moment, which makes me think the reveal I'm going to be quite shocked and put into an emotional sort of. No. I'm not going to be shocked. I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be scared. I'm not going to be embarrassed. Confirm? I don't think so. Okay.

Good. No, no, you're definitely like me. You're going to be laughing your nerve. It's just me, you obviously. What do you mean? There's no one's been embarrassed in front of. Yeah, I know, but I could still. It could be really embarrassing.

No, there's nothing embarrassing. If anything, it's quite weird. That you've done this. It's quite weird from me, actually. All right. Okay. There's just, it's almost... That's what I love.

Like, it's nothing huge, but I just think it's like... It's a thing. I've been smiling, making it sort of thing. I can't wait. Well, thanks. That's all I want. Even if I never received it. It was actually making it in the living room the other day.

And one of my housemates makes. said you look like the main character from a rom-com doing this oh that's cute okay that's fun so it's kind of like a love letter you're crafting to me that sort of vibe but it's a bit more that it's a bit weird than that perfect for example no one can ever see it like this can't go it can't ever be seen because it's kind of a bit of a so it acknowledges someone or something it very much acknowledges someone in the public arena so we can't oh god very much a hidden thing. Are they very much alive? Very much alive. Okay.

Very much alive. Just checking. Okay. You know. Okay. Yeah. Very much alive. Hmm. Well, I can't wait. Oh, my God. When you reminded me the other day of you, when Wing made me this calendar once for my birthday. Yeah. That was great. It was so incredible. So, so good. And have we told this on the, we must have told this.

Yeah, we've spoken about it a couple times, I think. Okay. Should I mean not then. No, do it. We haven't spoken about ages. Wing made me this calendar. It was amazing. It had like James Acaster on it. There was a bit of me like kissing John Snow on the 100 games stage, referencing my dissertation.

You Call That Kiss was the title. Whoa, I forgot that one. That was good. That was great. Me and John Snow did sing on in District 12 referencing you call that. And it had like subtitles, like as if the crowd was saying you call that a kiss. Because the name of my dissertation was. you call that a kiss?

Performing femininity in the Hunger Games and diverts. I forgot I did that. Wow. Wow. What a funny little thing. That was so good. That was good. That always I want that. That was a cool one, yeah.

Because they were kind of themed. So the October one was like polo tops. Oh, God, I forgot about that. It was a spooky October polo tops five. But then February, she did a Valentine's Day thing. And I had discussed my. how specific have I got when I've told this before in the podcast? Have I said it's a crush from school?

Yeah. Yeah. A crush that I had when I was at school. Just a random boy's name. If you went to my school, happy guessing, you probably know. Finney escaped. Everyone fancied him. Same thing, that guy.

Oh, I didn't know everyone fancied him. Well, look, he was one of the guys. He's a boy from school, whatever. Okay. Best of a bad bunch. But it's a true. quite literally best of a bad bunch. Or one of the best of a bird.

Yeah. I know them well. Wing got the name wrong, found this other guy from school. Oh, did I? Yes. I did not fancy the guy you put on there. No.

Wing got the name wrong, got this other guy from my sword. I must have mentioned in fucking passing. Like this random other guy's thing. So I opened February. And it's this point from my school with loads of laughs. I'm talking to him. I forgot that part. Yeah. Wow.

It was his boy's face from his Facebook profile picture. His poor boy. I went on his Facebook. Hearts, hearts, hearts. Amongst this calendar of like me kissing John's show, blah, blah, blah, mental. Then he told me, so I got it. And then she said that, what was it? The post office.

I had to send it twice because the first time it just got lost. But that's so I had to. So somewhere in my town, there was this calendar going around. Somewhere out there. Photos of me, because very clearly mine. Full name, Possephony Deacon. And then February photos at this point out. Did it have his name on it as well?

I feel like I might have put his name on it. Like in bubble writing. Did I put like, I did like a word art maybe with his name? It was horrendous. I can't believe you didn't know that wasn't the guy. Obviously. I kind of forgot that detail. That's really funny.

So who was the guy then? don't like so it wasn't but it was it wasn't yeah yeah yeah yeah but cut that out because that even feels like I oh god telepathic or you're saying your mouthing the word I'm not I'm not okay do it but don't mouth it just tell me it isn't it isn't that one yeah it was I remember I remember it for me no because I'm thinking of another one no you know it's not yes yes yes yes I No, no, no, no. Because I'm thinking of... Yeah, yes, yes.

That's first. No, no, surname. Fuck is that? Yeah. It's not good. Who's that? That can't go in. No, no.

I know all these people that you went to school with. Do you know what's hilarious that you know these names from... Full names. From school. Yeah. They're the most irrelevant names. It's so funny. Not him, not him, the other one.

But it begins with the same letter. Yeah, yeah. And that one is like... Crazy. that that's your name. Yeah. We've got it. Done it.

We're there. Easy as that. Got it. Nailed it. First try. I've fucking got it. Fucking hell. Okay.

So, that's that then, folks. That's all. And we're at 38 minutes, which we said, look, if we can get to 38 minutes,

we have thriving. Yeah, you did say that actually. Okay, then. Should we call it a day? Yeah. What are you doing? Oh, no, you're going to the cinema. I'm going to the cinema.

I'm going to watch Nureum. I'm kind of, I am excited about it is also two and a half hours. I'm a bit like, that is quite long. You'll need a wee. I will need a wee. I watched Frankenstein in the cinema. Yes. I actually was going to ask you, did you go to the cinema?

Yeah, and it was really good. We watched it in Comedia, which was really nice. Yeah, that's really nice. A big announcement, just a cough. It was really, I love that. creature I love that creature so wing sent me I want that creature in fact yeah okay I love him of the yeah he's touching a hand yeah I need to watch the full thing now I love I love him I love this creature I love him I am him I want him it's everything to me so it's Jacob

a Lordy yeah but like in 10 hours worth of makeup I saw him getting ready yeah playing a switch Not doing a lot for it. You're playing a Switch? Yeah. Kind of you right now. Yeah, I'm loving Animal Crossing. I'm doing what I can. At one point in the film, I turned to my boyfriend.

I did this. I mean, when he came on the screen. A heart gesture. Yeah. Because like, and the heart is beating rapidly. Yeah. My heart beats the age of a lot. He's like a hot guy.

He's hot, but you know what it is? It's a wide text you're saying it's a man who isn't a man. It's almost a man who is. isn't patriarchal because he doesn't understand. But you also said that is purely good. He's pure. He's pure. He's just pure. And it's kind of Tarzan. And Tarzan is hot to me. It's like, and almost a man like that that isn't a man,

and is kind of this creation that is not from society, could be so devoted to you. Yeah, he really could. He could be so devoted. Did you ever watch that long shape of water? Yes. Because I remember really wanting that feeling, like, thinking, okay, I'm going to really fancy this creature. I didn't.

I didn't go into this thinking I was going to fancy him. It made me reread Frankenstein. Really? Yeah, it put me, I love. I can't stand that back in the day. Same. I didn't love it back in the day, but I've got a new. Yeah, it's gotten good.

She's aged really well. Yeah. In like the 10 years that we read it since A level. It's gotten really good. Okay, good. And I love Mary Shelley. Yeah, queen. 19 years old, I heard.

Only 19. Which is fucking mental. That is actually insane. It's absolutely bizarre. She was definitely probably like horrible and racist and stuff. But apart from that, queen. But what a great answer. I mean, I just feel like.

I don't know how stuff about a boat? Yeah. In the book. I just, okay, so you know what? But I will say this is like really, you know, just giving my thoughts. I didn't realize when I was watching it that it was all real like set pieces. I thought some of it was CGI which it isn't largely.

The whole thing is very real. When I was watching it I was like this is like larger than life insane and I just kind of assumed it was not real but it was physical real which has made me appreciate it more looking back. There's a detail of like

I thought Mia Goth was really good in it and her outfits are very like beetle inspired because she is a bug kind of girl. She loves bugs. She loves bugs. yeah and all the colours are all like kind of beaterly which I didn't love when I first watched it but then yeah it works you hear why yeah yeah and it's like okay love that because I kind of when I'm watching it is like well I'm putting myself as her so I want to be in a beautiful glamorous dress

yeah so if I'm meeting the creature for the first time I want to be looking pretty sexy and cool definitely and not in my beat-inspired dress but since I have come to understand and appreciate what was going on there I feel like the first hour could be just trimmed just for me just because I'm rushing to get to my creature boy 100% And that it really everything It became something Otherworldly once he was around

For me personally For me Okay I'm in He's special to me Okay And it warmed me It warmed my soul and I cried Whoa okay

So I know It probably seems like I doesn't say much Because I just cried just now Over nothing But out of film I was moved And I'm on a lot

lot of medication guys. The fact that I can cry is pretty impressive. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to watch it. Yeah. I would like it to. I also could do with a new crush, I think. I don't know if he will, but.

No, no, I think I will. I think he might be a little bit, I don't know, I think I do, I like the, like, sort of human but not human vibe. Yeah. Because basically, I saw the, uh, was it that I love L.A. trailer that has, uh, Josh Hutchison in. Yeah. I'm not, I actually, like, I don't, I don't think I can actually cope with his, like,

it's too sick. to popularity so I think I like I saw with falling in love with like a little monster or something that's yeah no that's the thing it's a really safe one because it's so romantic and kind of old-timey and it just feels very like good for the soul I saw Rachel say about like she wanted him because watching him it feels like you're watching someone who was your boyfriend at one point literally and I thought that would kind of get you it's not right yeah yeah it's like seeing an ex when you see him it's like we've got history like oh yeah a lot so yeah but i have detached them obviously in my mind yeah but have you watched any of it

no i didn't know it's out yeah i think it's out i haven't watched any of it have you watched any yet no i am not going to why might i saw a clip of it i'm just not that i'll watch it for sure i'm not that moved by it but i i am moved i i am interested in her and i also he god is the cherry on top yeah i like them to Can I hope, though? Can I actually deal with that? I don't know. I don't know.

Also, he's got, like, the dark hair in it. Because also, when we watch Five Nights at Fridays, yeah. For him. I remember, like, being quite distressed for about a week after that. Yeah. Not because of the film was scary. No, I think you might be hookline and sinker.

Because he's playing, I think there might even be, like, sex scenes, maybe. If you've seen the trailer, there's just one bit where it's just, like, kind of him from the sidewinds that have, like, she's on top and it's just, like, close up. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. No, you're fucked. No, I don't think I can watch it. I would watch it if I was you but like it will make me

unwell I know which is why I'm recommending it I can't yeah it's almost like I can't be set back much yeah yeah no we don't have time that's fair enough

it will actually drive me backwards yeah yeah no I get that I get that I do want to go there okay look I was 45 minutes see how that happens yeah okay well I hope that was enjoyable I hope you feel

I hope it was as well. I wonder what you're up to. Maybe getting ready or something. Kind of November, you're like, are you cold as cold as we are? Are you cold? I'm fucking freezing because... Are you fucking window? This guy came and painted my door today.

Don't know why, because I did not request this. Oh, yeah. quite a cold, rainy day I've had to have my window wide open whilst recording this. I've got a bit of a headache from the fumes. It's like, I'm sorry. Just my door as well. I live in a... Oh!

This house is like a big house. Yeah. There's four people that live here. Just not even the front of my door. The inside of my bedroom door. Is that because it's a loft? But there's another room up here as well, a spare room. And they didn't do that one.

But maybe that door was in good nick, if it's not been used as much. genuinely my mind. How bizarre then? It's so weird. But yeah. Fuck, I was going to say something to you. Oh, I was going to say, just when we were quickly, like,

what are you doing? Are you happy, you sad? I have been, this sounds like an ad, and I would love for it to be an ad, but it's obviously not. Yeah. When I say loving, like, loving loosely,

like, there have been times when I've downloaded this and it has not been fun for me. But it's an app. You've definitely seen it called Finch. Oh, the thing about the... It's like an... because I've never loved it.

Yeah. I'm, I've like been buying clothes for him or her. With real money? No, fucking hell. Sethy. We don't have much. Don't spend on clothes for your things.

Oh, no, that would literally be like she needs to be sections. Like something's gone wrong. No, no, no. No. But I'm just getting quite into it. And specifically why it came to my mind is because there's a thing where it just has like a,

a, it has all these little activities on it and stuff. One of them is name your emotion. So it lists out kind of like eight main ones and then you narrow it down and narrow it down and whatever. And it's been quite intriguing sometimes. Generally pretty unpleasant

but still interesting and I just kind of like that and I feel like we always talk about like, have you thought for a second about how you're actually feeling maybe not. Do you know what I cracked out the other day? The old Russ Harris meditation you didn't bloody hell

I can't send you because I don't have the link it's purely on my Google it's on my Google drive I have the downloaded file of it but I don't know there's no link to the internet it's not on the internet that I can find

I thought we found it someone sent it or something if someone sends it again oh like can I just make the fight like how the fuck I can't give you this file let's make the file available to download for 599

yeah exactly Ross Harris is who that is, I don't know who this man is, but he's fucking great. Yeah, it must have been the therapist that I had. Yeah, it was. They recommended it, didn't they? They sent it to you. Yeah, but I don't know which one it was.

Gave me this file about, oh yeah, it was. Because it was about, like, the whole thing about, like, in your body. Physicalizing is the skill. You're, like, learning the emotion is spiky, the emotion is sitting in my stomach. It's in my chest, like, it's hot or it's shiny, and it's so fucking helpful.

Yeah. Like it's actually such a good meditation And I just cracked it out again the other day Hmm maybe you can send me the link Definitely he's got quite an annoying voice But like he's like this is this is him Now we're going to learn A technique called physicalising

That's That would actually such good impression No one's ever heard it Because it's a secret link So that has not landed for anybody But I'm going to listen And I'll get back to you That sounds nice

Doesn't sound annoying I think you'll be able to find some of his other meditation Oh sure yeah From New Zealand, that accent obviously did not do that. Oh, I thought that was more of a Yorkshire. It was more the end of that sentence. Price. When I said physicalising, that was it.

Physicalising. Okay, okay. But, like, everything else was really bad. Yeah. That wasn't, I was picturing more of a farmer. Yeah, it wasn't good until the end. It was good. Okay.

All right. Cool. Well, I'm going to watch Nuremberg. Yeah, nice. Enjoy it. What are you doing tonight? Animal Crossing. Yeah, Animal Crossing and I was psyching myself up earlier,

imagining the shower that I was going to have after we did this. So I'm about to have a really nice shower. I had one just before. And I'm really into, I actually think, I was thinking of you, the whole bloody God time time. I'm doing like sound baths, but like just for myself, like in my room. I'm not going to them. No, no, it's stunning.

putting on like a sound bath. No, it's the best. And just like lying on my goodness. Yeah, no, it's stunning. Stunning. It's so nice. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, with the lights off.

Off, of course. Yeah. The dim light. Well, that's new. Yeah. I think I get, I really, really struggle to get out of the shower at the moment. Because it's fucking cold. And I'm struggled to get out of bed.

It's fucking freezing. Oh, God. Well, just almost like, I just, I, as soon as I, as I, as soon as I, I get comfortable, like cozy, I just cannot be dragged out into the hard cold world again. Yeah, yeah, I understand. Every time I, like, go out and it's raining, I always think I'm having a shower after this. Like, that's, I'm finding that so fulfilling. It's like getting rained on, like walking the dog or whatever, who's just had a haircut.

He's being so cute. He knows, he knows I'm on death store. He knows I am on death store. he's being so cute people have messaged me as well over the past few months a few people have messaged me being like is he okay I hope so sort of thing what the fuck he is he's great

don't put the nice of juju out there going no they're just checking in and I love that it's nice but don't do the hope so well I guess because people hear me being like I'm really not well there's stuff going on behind the scenes and it's like oh that's true but I bet her dog died but I am touching wood

so far so good he's fine he's fine I'll actually he had a haircut yesterday. Yeah. I don't know if you'll care for this, but he looks so cute. Oh my God, he was so funny. Every time I see Ozzy, like... Look at him.

I haven't seen Ozzy IRL in like, I don't know. A while. Probably like six months. Yeah. And every time I see this guy, he cracks me up. It's a shock every time. Well, when I picked him up from the groomers, I burst out laughing. Yeah, I'm not surprised.

And then he pooed in the groomers. Oh, Ozzy. twice. He's so funny. He's very well and very cute. He's been going under my, he likes to kind of burrow under blankets and stuff. He'll burrow under my sweatshirt. It's really just a hot water bottle.

And that's when it's like, I can't move. No, why? Also, there's no need. Why would you? A tiny little thing, fluffy, warm, curbed up. He's adorable. God, he's adorable. He's sleeping in his bed right there, but I can't. You know, you suddenly get the thing of almost like, it's like, I almost feel like

I always see. My nephew and a wife. It's a bit like, what the fuck? He is being really cute at the moment. Anywho. Oh, cutie boy. Let's actually go, because what the fuck. All right.

I need to like get outside. Thanks. Yeah, thanks for being here, guys. I really, really appreciate it. And I'm very glad we had a nice conversation. This was nice. The little blip. No, no, but even that, even that was good.

But it's a welcome blip. It needs to be, it's a reflection. It needs to be there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If you don't hear from us. If you don't know, almost a bit on the nose.

Do we want to do it? Yes, I love it. I find it empowering. Yeah, so do you want. Because it's born out of truth. Like, all good things. Okay. If you don't know from us, assume the worst.